When office gossip veers from information-sharing to take-no-prisoners whispering campaigns, you have a problem on your hands. Productivity may dive as team mem-bers chew over all the details of the latest rumors directed at their co-workers. People choose up sides, flaming e-mails begin to circulate, conversations turn cold, or co-workers stop talking to each other altogether. Before long, very little work is being done. This is the type of gossip you should sidestep at all costs.
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Very often, the juiciest gossip bears only the faintest resemblance to the truth. There might be a factual nugget buried in the avalanche of words, but constant retelling and embellishment may have obscured the facts. And of course, there’s always the possi-bility that the whole story is fabricated. If you pass it on and find out later that you’ve been duped, you feel stupid and you’ve hurt another person. If that person decides to extract revenge, you’re caught in a pointless, ugly exchange that could drag on for months.
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When you’re spending your time talking about your co-workers, you’re not working, and the paycheck you receive is for doing your job. Monitor yourself, and if you find yourself spending an inordinate amount of time in water cooler conversations about others in your organization, get back to work.
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Your gossipy tendencies may peg you as a lightweight who can’t be trusted. Managers might decide you’re not a candidate for promotion or greater responsibility because you spend so much time dishing the dirt about your co-workers you hardly have time to get your work done.
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Additionally, if they can trace a deleterious rumor back to you, you may be subject to discipline or even firing, and if the gossip is serious enough, your com-pany may be faced with liability issues. Gossip that runs rampant and is directed only at certain people can contribute to a hostile work environment, and you know what that means. Don’t jeopardize your career because you can’t keep your tongue from wagging.
Some companies have instituted antigossip policies;
others depend on managers to handle things on a case-by-case basis. As a manager, you cannot allow gossip that demeans or damages another person.
You should fire employees who persist in the destructive behavior after they’ve been counseled to knock it off.
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Because most of us trade information so many times a day, it may be difficult to tease out what’s appropriate and what isn’t. A couple of simple questions can bring every-thing into perspective.
7a7b1]\XSQbc`S-Facts are information, but conjecture is usually gossip.
For example, “Jeff’s been put in charge of writing the strategic planning document” is information. “I think he got the job because he’s dating the vice president’s daughter”
is an assumption and has no place in the conversation.
When you’re talking about another person, be on the lookout for phrases such as, “It seems to me,” “I wonder if,” or “I bet.” These can be lead-ins to conjecture and nega-tive gossip. Stick to the facts.
EVOb7abVS@SOa]\T]`AVO`W\U7b-What is the motivation that causes someone to offer up personal (usually negative) information about another person? If you don’t know why someone is feeding you a tasty morsel of gossip, you can always ask. “Why are you telling me this?” can be an A hostile work environment
exists when employees can’t do their jobs without feeling harassed or threatened. Vicious gossip can contribute to such an environment, especially if the employee feels that the gossip is related to sexual identity, race, ethnic origin, or any other pro-tected civil right.
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immediate conversation stopper and might (but probably won’t) cause the other person to question her reasons for blabbing.
Question your own motives as well. When you’re tempted to pass something along, ask yourself why. Remember that you don’t get any taller by making someone else kneel down. Debasing a colleague doesn’t elevate your status among your co-workers;
they’re too busy worrying about when you’ll get around to stabbing them in the back.
Gossipers engage in negative talk because … U They are jealous of another’s good
fortune in which they did not share.
U They dislike the other person, with or without cause.
U They want to discredit the other to gain an advantage, such as a promo-tion that can go only to one.
U They don’t know any better.
U They’re just plain nasty, bitter people.
7a7b6SZ^TcZ-Sometimes gossip may revolve around an illness, death, or accident in a co-worker’s family. If you’re telling the news because you’re setting up meals for the family or gathering signatures for a get-well card, you’re on the side of the angels. But if you’re sharing grisly details that are no one’s business, think about it. Your motives are suspect.
E]cZRG]c0S/aVO[SR7TG]cES`S?c]bSR-My grandfather used to say, “Don’t say anything you wouldn’t want to see on the first page of the newspaper.” I’d update that to include writing anything you wouldn’t want to see on the company home page. Gossip has a way of getting back to those who are the subjects of the talk. If you’d feel bad about what you said later, don’t say it now.
Did you succumb to tempta-tion and say something you shouldn’t have about a co-worker? If confronted about it, don’t duck. Swallow your pride, make a true apology, and learn from your mistake.
Words to the Wise
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No matter how careful you are, you may at some point be the target of gossip. If you want to minimize the chances that you’ll be in the cross hairs, here are some tips:
U Don’t confide in people at work. You don’t have to be a sphinx. It’s okay if co-workers know your husband’s name and occupation, but they don’t have to know you were separated for a while last year. You can mention your children, but it’s not necessary to share that your older son might need to go to rehab soon.
Be upbeat, positive, and make sure that what you talk about can’t come back to haunt you later. If you have a serious concern that might affect your work, HR people might be able to offer concrete help—and they’re paid to be discreet.
U Don’t talk about your co-workers at all unless what you say is positive. No one can use positive comments against you.
U Watch out for open-plan offices. Acoustics in these arrangements can be tricky, and what you tell someone quietly and in confidence may be overheard by many others.
U Don’t spread gossip yourself. Let toxic words fall into the Well of Silence.
Good information will continue to flow your way because you’ve proven your-self trustworthy.
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Gossip-stopping strategies can be difficult if being popular is important to you.
Those who refuse to participate in bashing others often become targets themselves.
(“He thinks he’s so much better than we are!” “She’s so snooty.”) Grin and bear it because those who are interested in doing their jobs well will be only too happy to join with you in stamping out this wretched habit.
When confronted with spiteful gossip about another, you can fall back on the three-step approach to confrontation (see Chapter 6). “I hear you saying all these things about Brad (I see), and it makes me very uncomfortable because he isn’t here to give us his side of the story (I feel). I’d like to stop talking about this now (I want).”
Some people won’t respond to this gentle approach. You can then try something such as:
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U “Really? That’s interesting. I’ll be sure to tell Brad you’re concerned about him.”
U “I know that what you’re saying isn’t accurate, and I think you should stop spreading that rumor.”
U “I think you should discuss this with Brad and not with me.”
U “How would you feel if Brad said the same thing about you?”
U “I doubt that you’d say this to Brad’s face, so why would you say it behind his back?”
That ought to do it, but be prepared for some backlash.
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Someday an officemate may tell you that you’re the subject of malicious gossip. Your best defense is a strong offense. Thank the person who brought it to your attention, because she took a risk by doing so. Then ask who the source was. Once you know, go to that person and be direct. Do not accuse. Just seek information.
“Emmy, there’s a rumor going around that I’m sleeping with Kevin. It’s not true and it’s very damaging both to me and to Kevin. Do you know anything about where this story started?”
Emmy may be so shocked at your directness that she gives up her source immediately.
On the other hand, she may be ashamed that she participated in the gossip and say she doesn’t have a clue what you’re talking about.
Keep tracking it down. Realize that you may be in for some rough conversations, as people try to distance themselves from what they’ve done.
Stay calm and focused on your mission. Don’t get dragged into side issues that have the potential to blow up into major altercations. As you seek the truth, you may find out that the initial remark was nothing like the rumor that’s grown up. You might hear, “I said that I saw you and Kevin in the hardware store last Saturday and it looked like you were having a good time, but I never said you were sleeping together.”
That’s all you need to know. Be polite and controlled, but demand immediate action.
“Please go to the people you spoke with and tell them you don’t appreciate being mis-quoted and I don’t appreciate being lied about. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me, but by talking about me that way to people who like to gossip, you did, and it’s only
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fair that you help me clean up the mess. You’ve hurt me and Kevin, and of course, Kevin’s wife.”
If you know with certainty who started the rumor that’s causing you grief, go directly to that person and state in the strongest terms that you want such gossip about you to stop. Should that tactic not be successful, don’t hesitate to involve your supervisor.
The most uncomfortable situation is to be the subject of unsavory gossip that happens to be true. As it begins to swirl around you, you may be tempted to pick up your mar-bles and find another place to work. Be aware, however, that the gossip will follow you.
If you decide to stay where you are, then maintain your composure, do your work, and ride it out. You can’t go back to fix the cause of the gossip, so keep your head up and remain above it all. Don’t comment. Don’t take the bait. When others find they can’t rattle you, they’ll search for another topic and you’ll be yesterday’s news. Dignity is a powerful antidote to gossip.
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U Information sharing is good, but gossip is usually harmful.
U Gossip arises when people don’t have enough information about issues that affect them or they don’t have enough work to keep them occupied.
U Gossip wastes time and money and can have a profound effect on productivity.
U Participate in the life of your workplace, but shun personal gossip.
U Unchecked malicious gossip can result in legal problems for you and your company.
14
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U Are performance reviews necessary?
U Common errors at review time U The uses of feedback
U Why feedback works
U Handling the negative performance review
If a difficult conversation is one that makes you jittery, has a significant bearing on your future, and contains the potential for serious disagree-ment, then the annual performance review must be the poster child for these exchanges. Usually tied to salary increases, performance reviews are something both managers and employees dislike, for various reasons. In this chapter, you’ll learn how to handle conversations about performance if you’re the manager and how to react if you’re the employee.
/0WUEOabS]TBW[S-Although most companies continue to perform annual reviews, there’s a growing body of opinion that says they’re a relatively useless activity, because the problems with them outweigh the benefits.
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Decades ago, when business moved more slowly and employees were expected to perform only one set of tasks, a once-a-year review might have been enough. Today, business moves at the speed of sound, and one employee may be responsible for a variety of functions. It’s virtually impossible for a manager to keep an eye on every-one and remember how each employee performed over a 12-month period, even with the most careful notes.
A performance issue that arises in March should be discussed in March, not the next February. That’s just too far away to be effective.