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Chapter Fourteen You

In document Nothing Left to Hold (Page 89-93)

My hands are broken, And time is going on and on,

It goes forever. So I got high And lived all that life That I've taken all for granted. Promise me you'll try to leave it all behind,

Because I've elected hell, lying to myself. Why have I gone blind, live another life.

You.

―Harry?‖ Edward‘s hesitant voice asked.

―Yeah?‖ Harry asked looking up from his journal, where he had been writing the lyrics to his newest song. He and Edward had gotten back on track the last couple of days, and Harry found it a lot easier to be around his… brother, when Isabella wasn‘t hanging off of him. In fact, the headaches and trembling he‘d been hiding from Draco the past couple of days lessened significantly, when he was near the vampire.

―I was uh – wondering if I could ask you a huge favor?‖ Edward questioned uncer- tainly, and Harry wondered what had gotten him so worked up.

―Sure, sit down,‖ Harry offered scooting over and moving his feet so that Edward could sit on the sofa with him. ―Is something wrong?‖ he then asked wondering what would have Edward so nervous.

―Uh, well it‘s about Bella actually,‖ Edward answered not looking at Harry‘s reac- tion, although he didn‘t have to because Harry‘s heart rate spiked and he could practically feel the sudden tension in the smaller male‘s body.

―And what about Isabella?‖ Harry questioned trying to remain calm. He could hear silence now in the house and knew that the others were listening in.

Edward sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. ―Look Harry – I – I know you two don‘t get along very well, but could you – could you just hear me out… please?‖ Harry couldn‘t get his vocal cords to work in order to say no, so he just leaned forward, braced his elbows on his knees, and stared down at the floor.

Edward must have taken it as a sign, because he continued. ―I know your birth- day‘s coming up in a few days and you‘ll be turning eighteen,‖ the vampire began, before pausing for another moment as if trying to find the right way to continue. ―Bella‘s birthday is in September –‖

―And I care because,‖ Harry blurted before he could stop himself – but truthfully he was… scared, of where Edward was going with this.

Edward sighed again and silence reigned for a long moment – even Draco was holding his tongue and watching the scene with narrowed eyes. He‘d been good about keeping his distance so that Harry and Edward could have their moments, but he would be damned if he let that vampire hurt his friend now – just when Harry had started opening back up to the idiot.

―We planned on getting married,‖ Edward finally said, and Harry felt himself shut- ting down. ―She‘ll be turning eighteen too and –‖

―You want to turn her,‖ Harry finished for him too numb to feel anything. Draco began standing to his feet, but so had the rest of the Cullens. They obviously hadn‘t known that Edward was going to ask this so soon.

―It‘s just that – Bella‘s worried with the idea of being older than me. I wanted her to wait a few years –‖

―So tell her no,‖ Harry interrupted snappishly and Draco couldn‘t help but smirk for a second. ―You ever thought of that.‖

―It‘s what she wants,‖ Edward replied feeling horrible for asking this of Harry. ―I know we had been planning on turning you when you turned eighteen but –‖ ―It would be nearly impossible to handle two newborns at the same time,‖ Harry stated once again finishing what Edward was about to say. He couldn‘t say he hadn‘t expected this, but he hadn‘t expected it to hurt nearly this much. ―It‘ll only be for a couple of years Harry, until she‘s settled, and it‘s completely your choice. You were here first, so if you want to be turned first then I‘ll make Bella see reason somehow,‖ Edward continued still not looking at Harry, and the silence around them was heavy.

Harry almost wanted to tell Edward no out of spite, but realized that he was only being bitter once again. It wasn‘t like he hadn‘t thought about this before and what his answer would be when Edward or the rest of his family did approach him on the topic. They‘d discussed it when he was younger, and it had always been as- sumed that he would one day be turned and join them in immortality. Harry had been the one to pick the age of eighteen – he too had not wanted to be far from Edward in age… now it was Edward asking him to wait.

Harry licked his lips. He knew what he was about to say wouldn‘t go over well with any of them. ―I – wasn‘t planning on being turned,‖ Harry admitted not looking up from the floor – after all, that particular spot on the rug was rather fascinating.

―Oh, so you were planning to wait anyway?‖ Edward questioned shoulders sagging in relief. ―How long?‖ he then asked curiously.

―No – I…‖ Harry trailed off not knowing how to tell them. He could practically feel Esme‘s mounting distress as she began to realize what he was saying.

Harry felt someone walk up behind him and place a heavy hand on his shoulder. ―Harry?‖ Carlisle questioned giving him an encouraging squeeze. ―What are you saying?‖

―I‘m saying that I – I don‘t want to be turned… ever,‖ Harry answered bracing him- self.

There was complete silence, and then Harry had to close his eyes in pain as Esme dropped the glass vase she‘d been arranging flowers in. ―What?‖ she asked in a pain filled voice. ―Harry I – I don‘t understand.‖

Harry felt his eyes welling up and kept them shut tightly as he clasped his hands to keep them from trembling also. ―I – I don‘t want to liv – I just can‘t,‖ he finally managed to get out.

Harry felt someone kneeling in front of him and knew by the smell of her perfume that it was Rosalie. She reached out gently and touched his face, and it was nearly Harry‘s undoing. ―Harry what is hurting you?‖ she asked, promising loads of pain to whatever or whoever it was that dared hurt her baby brother.

Harry simply leaned forward burying his face in her neck, and letting her hand trail into his hair.

―But Harry – you‘ll die…‖ Alice trailed off in disbelief. ―You‘ll leave us.‖ Harry took a shaky breath.

―Yeah Harry, let‘s talk about this,‖ Emmett added looking around at everyone in disbelief. It had never crossed his mind that Harry would – could die. He‘d always assumed Harry would be his little brother forever.

―Harry you can‘t do this…‖ Edward then whispered looking as if he‘d been struck. ―We‘ll turn you first – Bella can wait.‖

As much as Harry loved hearing that, he shook his head, lifting it from Rosalie‘s shoulder.

―Harry… son – please just –‖ Carlisle began desperately, but Harry sprang to his feet.

―You can‘t – Dad please, you can‘t ask me that,‖ Harry said, cursing himself as his voice wavered while he backed away from them. ―You can‘t ask me to spend eterni- ty alone – you can‘t.‖

There was no guarantee Harry would survive after being turned anyway. From what they had studied before of the process, wizards tended to keep their magic through the transformation, even becoming stronger in some cases. It would only prolong his miserable life and slow down the process of decay. Harry didn‘t want to live like that, dying and depressed without his mate. He couldn‘t do it – not only to himself, but to his family.

Before any of them could say anything more or try to stop him, Harry grabbed his car keys and left, even ignoring Draco‘s attempt to catch him. He just really needed to be alone right now, and besides, his hands were shaking again.

The only way out Is letting your guard down

And never die forgotten. (Alone)

Forgive me, my love, I stand here all alone, And I can see the bottom.

Promise me you'll try to leave it all behind, Because I've elected hell, lying to myself.

Why have I gone blind, live another life. You.

Chapter Fifteen

In document Nothing Left to Hold (Page 89-93)