Without the impetus to live the code of manhood in modern society, many men throw themselves into only seeking virtue. They strive to be good humans who happen to be male, but not good men. Which is
Brett 163 Comments
2305
SHARES FACEBOOK TWITTER EMAIL MOREfine. For me that’s better than going after some distorted version of the pillars of manhood, like basing your sole identity as a man on the number of women you sleep with or the amount of money you earn. While feminism and gender is an easy scapegoat these days for society’s problems, I think the lion’s share of our cultural woes can be traced to the fact that we don’t emphasize plain old virtue at all, for either sex. Society would be a hundred times better if all folks — men and women alike — sought to be people of real character.
But seeking to become a good man, while completely ignoring the pursuit of becoming good at being a man, does create a couple of problems. First, as we discussed above, developing your physical strength and capacity to fight facilitates the attainment of higher and more spiritual virtues. By neglecting being good at being a man in favor of being a good man, you ironically stymie your pursuit of virtue. To achieve true eudemonia, we should seek to exercise our innate characteristics, while also expanding our higher spirit.
Second, a man’s claim to virtue is weak if he doesn’t have the virile fortitude and strength to back it up when challenged. The cloak of virtue hangs very awkwardly on a man without fire and fight; it droops and sags when draped across a structure that lacks strength and firmness. We all know amiable men who are sickly thin or grossly overweight, who look like they’d burst into tears if a bully broke their walking stick and would get winded mounting a flight of stairs. These mealy men profess to be nice guys, perfect gentlemen, but we don’t respect them as men, and not even as gentlemen either. As John Wayne’s character says in the film McClintock, “You have to be a man, before you can be a gentleman.” We invariably chuckle and cringe at men who get this equation backwards.
Theodore Roosevelt preached this message to young men throughout his life. TR perfectly embodied the Complete Man — one who is both good at being a man and a good man. Roosevelt’s father was his example in this, a man who “really did combine the strength and courage and will and energy of the strongest man with the tenderness, cleanness, and purity of woman.” He taught TR that “I was always to be both decent and manly, and that if I were manly nobody would laugh at my being decent.”
In an address to a graduating class of boys, TR described the ideal of manhood – strength coupled with virtue, toughness wed to tenderness:
“When I speak of the American boy, what I say really applies to the grown-ups nearly as much as to the boys…I want to see you game, boys; I want to see you brave and manly; and I also want to see you gentle and tender. In other words, you should make it your object to be the right kind of boys at home, so that your family will feel a genuine regret, instead of a sense of relief, when you stay away; and at the same time you must be able to hold your own in the outside world. You can not do that if you have not manliness, courage in you. It does no good to have either of those two sets of qualities if you lack the other. I do not care how nice a little boy you are, how pleasant at home, if when you are out you are afraid of other little boys lest they be rude to you; for if so you will not be a very happy boy nor grow up a very useful man. When a boy grows up I want him to be of such a type that when somebody wrongs him he will feel a good, healthy desire to show the wrong-doers that he can not be wronged with impunity. I like to have the man who is a citizen feel, when a wrong is done to the community by any one, when there is an exhibition of corruption or betrayal of trust, or demagogy or violence, or brutality, not that he is shocked and horrified and would like to go home; but I want to have him feel the determination to put the wrong-doer down, to make the man who does wrong aware that the decent man is not only his superior in decency, but his superior in strength.”
If you want to become the Complete Man, seek both virtue and virility. Brett 163 Comments
2305
SHARES FACEBOOK TWITTER EMAIL MOREConclusion
“The older I grow, the more everything seems to me to lie in manliness. This is my new gospel.” –Vivekananda
Are there reasons to live the code of manhood in a time where it isn’t always appreciated and isn’t acutely needed?
Is it possible to live as a man without blowing up civilization or taking up residence in a cave?
In laying out this roadmap to manhood in the 21st century, I have attempted to answer these questions in the affirmative. I have offered a positive, proactive approach to explain and resolve the conflicts of modern manliness in the form of the Manhood Reserve. I have argued that not only is it possible to activate your innate masculine energy in our techno-industrial age, but it is the most desirable course of life to pursue. In taking up the hard way, and readying yourself for every possible contingency, you both
Brett 163 Comments
2305
SHARES FACEBOOK TWITTER EMAIL MOREscratch the primal masculine itch within and achieve eudemonia — a life of excellence and full flourishing.
Perhaps you still have doubts about joining the Manhood Reserve. That’s natural. Deciding how to live your life is a big decision, and one that you’ll ponder and re-consider throughout the years.
In cultures around the world, manhood was often thought of as a kind of “faith.” The analogy is apt. Just like with a religion, the “cult of manhood” has tenets and standards of behavior to adopt, and promises rewards and privileges to those who keep them. One cannot see the masculine energy within, and while some will call upon it anyway, others will deny its existence. Some will celebrate the code and others will blaspheme against it.
Just as with evaluating the claims of any faith, you can and should gather as much evidence to support its truth as you can. But at a certain point you must simply make a leap.
This doesn’t mean throwing yourself into it whole hog. Do an experiment; begin to live the code of manhood in small ways. Even if you think it’s just not “you,” try it anyway. Oftentimes what we feel sure is our true “self” turns about to have been an amalgam of how we were raised, pop culture, and exposure to thousands of advertisements, TV, and movies. You might be surprised at how satisfying doing these unfamiliar things actually feels.
Once you plant that experimental seed within you, check on how it’s doing. What kind of fruit is it bearing? Has it brought you satisfaction? Has it increased your self-assurance and sense of purpose and direction? If so (and I feel confident it will) continue on in your journey to becoming the Complete Man. I hope I will be able to count the men reading this as my brothers in the Manhood Reserve. And I hope we’ll support each other as we travel the hard way and seek to live semper virilis.
_______________________ Acknowledgements
When I originally started the 3 P’s of Manhood series back in February(!), I thought this was just going to be a single post. “3 P’s of Manhood? That sounds nifty! I’ll write a quick little diddy about it!” (Insert rueful laughter here.) Little did I know that I had jumped into a deep rabbit hole. This series has quite possibly been the most mentally taxing thing I’ve ever written, and I definitely couldn’t have done it by myself.
First, I want to thank my wife and Mate Woman Kate McKay for all her help throughout this series. I sent her some drafts that were real turds and she was always able to polish them into nice shiny jewels. (And no, my dear conspiracy theorists, she never tried to soften or feminize my rhetoric; on the contrary, she kept encouraging me to use a more forthright and less conciliatory tone throughout.) Her assistance in the research department was, as always, top-notch, and she added some seriously incisive insights to the endeavor. I am quite privileged to be a part of the ranks of manly writers like Hemingway, Steinbeck, and London who happily turned to their wives to edit and improve their works.
I’d also like to thank Jeremy Anderberg for editing these behemoth posts on top of the regular work he does on the site. And often on a short turn-around!
Thanks to Ted Slampyak and Derek Hart for their killer artwork and graphics for this last post. Definitely added some finishing panache to them.
Also, thanks to David Gilmore for writing the book that inspired this whole series, as well as Jack Brett 163 Comments
2305
SHARES FACEBOOK TWITTER EMAIL MOREDonovan for writing the book on the core of masculinity that challenged my ideas of manhood. And finally, I want to thank all of the readers who actually took the time to read the series all the way through and provided encouragement and kind words of appreciation along the way. This was one tough nut to crack, and your encouragement truly kept us going.
Stay Manly, Brett Previous Post Next Post Brett 163 Comments