Days? - The Ex Factor

Studies have proven why this 31-day mark is crucial. After about 3 weeks, your brain begins to reset itself on an emotional level. Now, I won’t say you’ll stop missing your ex completely after 3 weeks of no contact, but this is when your emotional side

begins tame a little and you begin to start thinking more rationally (how you normally would think and act).

Secondly, and most importantly, studies have shown that men begin to start missing their girlfriends/wives intensely after about three weeks of no contact. You need to use this psychological tool as a weapon here. Chances are after about three weeks (and sometimes even less), your ex will contact you on his own discretion, wanting to get back with you! I’ve seen this happen way too many times to count.

Often, men use their ex-girlfriends to help them get over their own breakup! But by removing yourself from his reality completely, you are forcing him to heal

emotionally on his own. You won’t be able to help him or be his emotional crutch. This is what you want. If you know your boyfriend is the needy type, you can use this to your advantage.

Marking this date will also give you a visual goal to work towards as well.

Combined with the rest of the material I’ve included in my program, you’ll be able to better cope with the pain during the No Contact period. And doesn’t it give you a sense of reassurance knowing that you’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to?

“But I Can’t Wait That Long!”

Yes, I know. 31 days seems like a very long time, and for the first few days it will crawl by, but only if you let it! Yes, there are things you can do right now to not only lessen the pain but also actually increase your chances of getting back with your ex once the 31-day mark rolls around.

First, you need to start removing reminders of him. Go grab a piece of paper right now and write down his contact information. Delete his contact from your phone and hide the piece of paper where you know you won’t be able to see it.

Second, delete every memory and mode of contact that you have with him.

Delete his Skype contact, MSN contact, and be sure to delete all his e-mails (if you feel sentimental about these, make these messages difficult for you to access…save them in a folder and make the folder difficult to get to).

The only exception to this is deleting him from Facebook (or any other social networking website where he knows he was deleted). But under no circumstance will you view his profile. You don’t want to see who’s writing on his wall or what he’s saying during this period. Facebook stalking won’t make you feel good about yourself, period. (To ensure that you don’t see his status updates in your Facebook timeline, click

on one of his old posts or status updates and choose “don’t show this person’s updates in my Facebook feed”.)

Next, gather all your physical items that remind you of him. That means stuffed animals, clothes, presents, and pictures.

Gather everything and put it into a box and store it in a place that is a major pain in the ass to get to. Lock it up in the basement, hide it in your mom’s garage, or ask a friend to keep it for you… anything to get it out of sight.

After, I want you to start fantasizing about other men and concentrate only on your ex-boyfriend’s negative side. Under no circumstance should you be fantasizing about your ex in any way. If you catch yourself thinking about your ex sexually, visualize having sex with other, even more beautiful men (ahem… the internet really helps in this department if you’re lacking inspiration…).

As much as possible, just try not to think about your ex in any way. After this is complete, you need to now concentrating on taking your life back.

What If You Broke Up A While Ago?

If you broke up with your ex a long time ago (more than a few months), then you have to assess how your ex might be feeling right now. Do you think their emotions have reset to a neutral state? A lot of people e-mail me saying, “It’s been over a year now… are my chances blown out the window?” Well, it depends. Most of the time, however, chances are you have a better chance the longer you wait without contact with your ex.

However, if you’ve been pestering your ex and constantly for several years, then

chances are you’ve probably pushed your ex far too much away and, only at that point would I advise to move on. However, if you think your ex would be open to a line of communication, then read on… but do not contact your ex until you’ve thoroughly read everything in this book!

What If Your Ex Lives In Another City?

Now, there’s a possibility that you broke up with your ex and they’ve moved somewhere else, far away.

First of all, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. After all, if they’ve moved far away, it gives yourself some space to move on from him and to concentrate on yourself (more on this later).

However, I’m not going to sugar coat things... chances are, if your ex has moved far, far away, then it’s going to be extremely difficult to develop the kind of attraction that is needed for him to want you back.

If your ex is living somewhere very far away, you’ll either have to come up with a good excuse to visit them and then ask them out for a “date”. You can’t visit him without a very legitimate reason for being there, and you’ll definitely need to establish some rapport and get him thinking about you again before you even consider going to see your ex in person.

Because long distance re-attraction can be complicated business, you may want to consider signing up for my personal coaching service if you are in this situation.

Featured Customer Coaching Question

Real Email Exchanges From Past Customers (Names Changed For Privacy)

“My Ex Lives Far, Far Away…”

Question Sent By: Kathryn J.

“Hey Brad!

I had a long distance relationship (2 hour flight away) for two years with Chad. He is 24 and I'm 28. We visited each other back and forth every few weeks for weeks at a time. In August he came here to interview for jobs so he could move here to be with me but he didn't get any of the jobs he interviewed for. I went to visit him in September for two weeks and he was acting distant and kind of cold. When I got back home he broke up with me 2 weeks later in September saying he lost feelings for me. I'm pretty sure our major issue was communication and my insecurities in the relationship.

I did No Contact for 30 days and we started speaking again in the middle of October. He kept asking me if I was dating a guy from work he saw me check in places with on facebook and seemed jealous. He flirted with me a lot, we even chatted on webcam. Then we began to chat almost daily again but short chats, not all day, everyday like it used to be. He initiated and sent me a lot of sexual links.

His best friends girlfriend invited me to a new years party so I decided to go. The second I mentioned visiting his hometown for new years he became completely platonic towards me.

He avoided going to the same new years party as me that week but we ended up hanging out 3 out of the 5 days I was there. He took me out to see a holiday light show, dinner, and I spent an entire day at his house watching movies. He made me lunch and we even hung out with him and his dad for awhile. He picked me up and dropped me off at the airport too.

©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning Page 52 We had a talk about things and I was completely honest with him about still having feelings for him but I said I'd never push him to change his mind. He said he doesn't have feelings for me anymore, that I care too much, and that I need to move on, but we can be friends. He said I will see him again and we will be able to hangout again in the future.

Since I got back home we talk on an instant messenger every so often. Lately it's been once or twice or week. Not very long chats either. He rarely ever initiates, sometimes he ignores me if I send him funny links or try to chat.

I have really made an effort to change and rid myself of the insecurities I had while in the relationship. I've been working out, changed jobs, made new friends, gotten a social life,

planned a trip to Japan. All of which he has seen on facebook and he seemed quite interested at first when we weren't speaking. He didn't try to contact me at all during the 30 day no contact period. I had so many new things to tell him about my life when I visited two weeks ago. He barely had much to say because not much has changed for him. He still hasn't found a job in engineering that he has been looking for.

I'm not sure what to do anymore. We spoke a bit yesterday and he sent me a silly link but I don't feel that I have his interest. He's not near the computer as much as he used to be either. He used to be around to speak with me all the time. I don't know how to go about this or regain his interest in me. Our major form of communication is instant messenger. He doesn't have texting on his phone. Some advice I have heard is to back off and not initiate any form of contact with him unless he does to show I don't care so much. I'm not sure if that's the right or wrong way to go about things.

How should I go about this? I know I need to re-attract him and rebuild an emotional connection but I'm unsure of the best way to go about it.

Thanks so much Brad!

-Kathryn J.”

“Relax And Adjust The Strategy…”

Brad Browning’s Reply To Question From Kathryn J.

“Hi there Kathryn!

You've got to continue with the no contact. No more instant messaging -- turn it off. I know it's difficult because you don't want to let him go (even as a friend), but you have to accept the fact that if you want him back, you have to let him go.

I would almost recommend uninstalling instant messengers.

To be honest, I really hate communicating by instant messenger, because the real life

interactions never live up to the "hype". Someone is always let down and it's just not an organic way to hold a relationship. Indeed, long distance relationships are hard, but there are better ways to communicate.

You need to just give some time for yourself to heal and to move on. Where are you going to in Japan? I've always wanted to go. Where are you working now? Have you been dating anyone else?

By now, you’ve probably realized the errors that you’ve made while you were in a relationship with him. Clearly, you displayed and conveyed far too much interest. Remember that early in a relationship, you have to take things slow and remain “mysterious” -- this is how you can keep your man interested.

So your plan for now is to remain in no contact. Don’t sign in for a very long time (and he will notice this). Don’t be surprised if he tries to contact you via e-mail in a few weeks wondering where you’ve been. Once this happens, we can plan something then!

Best of luck!

-Brad B.”

It’s very important that you use the 30 days of No Contact wisely, keeping busy to ensure you’re not

tempted to reach out to your ex… and working on all sorts of ‘self-improvement’ activities that will make you more attractive to your ex when you begin to re-establish communication with him.

Pick Up An Old Hobby (Or A New One!)

Is there something in the past that you really enjoyed doing that you no longer do anymore (for

whatever reason)? Relationships take up a lot of time. Surely there are a few activities that you probably dropped ever since you got together with your boyfriend.

If you don’t have anything in mind, pick up a new hobby! Whether it be hiking, painting, playing sports, photography, playing the oboe, go-karting, or traveling… do it!

There is absolutely no better time than now to enjoy something you’ve always wanted to do. You might also make a new friend or two along the way!

You’re killing two birds with one stone when you do this. First, it’ll definitely help take your mind off things. And secondly, it’ll make you more attractive to the opposite sex.

Here are some tips to help you find some things you might enjoy doing!

1.) Go on Craigslist and find some activity partners – This is a great way to meet new people and have fun while you’re doing it! Have you ever gone rock-climbing?

No? Well there’s definitely somebody on Craigslist that’s looking for a rock-climbing partner.

2.) Go on Facebook. Pay attention and you’ll find a ton of friends that are doing cool things. Join a local Facebook group and connect with people.

3.) Look up clubs and classes online. Hit up your local university or college and you’ll find an abundance of clubs. You’ll definitely find something that interests you. I just joined a pottery class and it’s a great way to meet some awesome people (seriously!).

4.) Contact some music teachers. Ever wanted to learn how to sing or play the guitar? You can find local music teachers quite easily online… and they’re cheap!

Some guitar teachers charge about $15/lesson… and they’re well worth it.

5.) Volunteer at a local charity or event. Is there a cause that is near and dear to your heart? Helping out the homeless? Donating blood? Puppy rescue? Maybe even volunteering at a retirement home! Doing great deeds definitely will

improve anyone’s mood, and not only that, you’ll be helping out some people while you’re at it!

(Volunteering is, in my opinion, the very best way to meet new people. After my first really big break up, I joined a local charity group and have been a member ever since! Personally, there’s nothing I find more satisfying than lending a helping hand to someone.)

Lean On Your Friends

Your friends have likely all been through a bad breakup, and if they’re decent people, they’ll be willing to help you get through this tough time.

That doesn’t mean you should sit around and whine to them about how much you miss your ex. Not even the best of friends can stand that kind of misery for very long. But you should call your friends and hang out with them as much as possible.

This will help keep your mind off your ex-boyfriend, especially during the No Contact period.

Start Exercising More

Most people that engage in physical activity on a regular basis agree that exercise improves their mood. Talk to anyone that swims, jogs, or hikes on a regular basis and they’ll all say the same thing:

“I love exercising, it makes me feel good about myself!”

“Jogging makes me feel powerful and strong.”

“Working out helps me relieve stress.”

It’s very clear that exercising makes us feel better, but why? According to a 2009 issue of the “Journal of Neural Transmission,” there is direct link between exercise and that amount of dopamine and serotonin produced in the human brain.

What are Dopamine and Serotonin? Dopamine and Serotonin are neurochemicals that are responsible for regulating your mood, sleep pattern, cognition, and behavior. A healthy presence of Dopamine and

Serotonin in your brain will help you think more clearly and feel better. People that lack these chemicals in their brain often suffer from lack of motivation and depression.

When we exercise, the amount of these vital chemicals increase and we feel better, so if you want to actually improve your own mood, don’t do drugs or alcohol… instead, exercise!

Focus More Energy On Your Work

The worst thing you can do right now is being lazy and sleep all day. As much as you want to do this, it won’t help you improve your mood and it definitely won’t help you get your ex-boyfriend back.

Is there a part of your career that you’re neglecting? Are you in school? Maybe you could concentrate on studying a little bit harder. Now is the perfect time to be spending a few extra hours at the office or at the library. You don’t want your breakup getting in the way of your work or school, as it will only add to your unhappiness.

What If No Contact is Physically Impossible?

This can sometimes happen if you two either work together or live together.

Maybe you even have a child together. So how the heck do you handle that?

This will probably be the most difficult situation for you since, I’m sorry to say, you’re going to have to be forced to hide your emotions. The last thing you want to do is act like a wuss. You don’t want to convey to him that you’re insecure about the

breakup. You don’t want to be angry, jealous, and depressed because this will only lower your value in his eyes. Instead, make it seem like you’re content, like you actually thought the breakup was a good idea.

Minimize contact with him at all costs. Don’t outright ignore him, or he’ll think

In document The Ex Factor (Page 45-64)