What If She Doesn’t Contact You?

Chapter 8: What If She Doesn’t Contact You?

There’s always a chance that your girlfriend, for whatever reason, won’t contact you. She might be still angry with you. Maybe her friends are telling her to move on without you.

In most cases, the latter is usually the case. You see, women aren’t like men when it comes to dealing with issues such as breakups. Women will constantly seek advice from their female peers and, more likely than not, listen to them. Men, on the other hand, are independent creatures. We are autonomous and self-reliant. When somebody tells us to do something, we’re more likely to act rebellious and “march to the beat of our own drum” than women are. Therefore, men don’t really listen to their friends the same way women do.

So what I’m trying to say is don’t worry. If your ex doesn’t contact you in 31 days, all is not lost. Your relationship can still be salvaged, although it will take more effort on your part to accomplish this.

So let’s pretend 31 days have passed, and your ex hasn’t contacted you. It’s now officially okay to contact her. You’ve shown her that you aren’t all that needy, you’ve given her space, and you’ve allowed all those negative emotions to subside.

way of knowing her state of mind right now because you have no idea what kind of stuff her friends have been force-feeding her, but I can almost guarantee you it will include something along the lines of…

He’s an asshole! He treated you poorly. Girl, you’re better than that… it’s time to move on and find another

guy who will treat you like a princess. I never liked him anyways!

That definitely sounds bad, but it’s best if we assume the worst in this situation. So when you do contact her, remember everything I told you about how you should be interacting with your ex. You need to act as if you’ve moved on and you’re happy. When you do contact her, act as if you just want to be friends.

Shocking, right? You’re probably thinking, Brad, you don’t make any sense at all! You’re an idiot! I don’t want to be friends with her; I want her back in my arms!

©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning Page 96 I know, I know… but hear me out. If her friends are telling her not to get back together with you, do you think approaching this any other way would help? If you give her even the slightest inkling that you want to get back together with her or at least talk about your relationship, the little red light will start blinking in her head and she’ll be thinking, NO WAY! I shouldn’t even be talking with him.

You Have Two Options…

Before I tell you how to go about in contacting your ex, I first need to know what type of communicators you were.

A lot of breakup guides will say, “Call her up!” and some of them will say, “Only text!” Well, they’re both wrong. Thank goodness you chose my program over theirs. The fact is some girls prefer to be texted and some prefer a phone call. How did you two communicate when you were together? Did you usually text each other? If so, it would be really, really awkward and weird if you just called her out of the blue.

Usually, if a girl prefers texting, it’s because she’s very uncomfortable with speaking on the phone. You don’t want to make her feel any less comfortable than she actually will be.

Some girls prefer to be called, and these girls sometimes get offended if you text or e-mail instead. Does this sound like your girl? If so, then you’re probably best off calling her.

What Should You Text Her?

If your girl is a texter, then great! It’s a lot easier for you to send her a pre- meditated text than to wing it and try to talk to her in real-time. However, it’s not without its downfalls. When you text somebody, you give them time to think about a reply. This is generally a good thing, but sometimes she will get her friends involved and ask them for advice… again. So via text, you need to really make it clear that you’re only looking for a platonic relationship for now.

Say something like this:

“Hey! Hope things are well. I just wanted to let you know that you were right. The breakup was definitely for the best! I’m really relieved, but it would suck if we lost our friendship. I’d love to get coffee this week!”

When she sees this, she’ll most likely be a little taken aback that you just want to be friends. I guarantee you she’ll be more than willing to agree with this since women love having friends. Women don’t like losing friendships (unless they were fully

destructive relationships). They cherish their relationships with people in a much more sentimental way than men do. So if you’re offering just a straight up platonic coffee meeting, she’ll be eager to see you.

NOTE: If you and your ex were extremely avid ‘texters’, then I encourage you to take a look at some additional materials that concentrate on how to text your ex back.

Check out this video by Michael Fiore (who is a close friend of mine). In this video, he’ll

tell you how you can use little-known text messages that you can send from your phone that will help you convince your ex girlfriend to go out on a date with you and take you back.

The Pointless Text

This is something that you must absolutely avoid doing if you want your girlfriend to text you ever again. It’s what I like to call the “Pointless Text.” You know exactly what I’m talking about when I say this, and yes, you probably hate it as much as I do.

Do you ever get text messages from your friends and family just saying one word? Like “hi” or “’sup”? It absolutely aggravates me. But even something as simple as “Hey, how are you doing?” or “Hey, what’s up?” can be just as bad.

©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning Page 100 Why are these so bad? Well, first of all, they’re pointless because they don’t rile up emotions at all. In fact, they almost will give your girlfriend a negative image of you. You sound bored, uninterested, and frankly, not like a happy person at all. By sending a text like this, you are sub communicating to your ex girlfriend that you are just unhappy with life and that you need his interaction at that very moment to be happy. So don’t do this.

The Good Reminder Text

This is one of the first texts you should be sending your ex girlfriend. I call it the Good Reminder text. Essentially, what you want to convey to your ex right now is that you are totally over her, but you are still thinking about her from time to time. It is designed to make you look thoughtful, happy, and it makes it looks like as though your text message has a point to it.

Here are a couple examples of the “Good Reminder Text”:

“Hey. Just was watching the Dallas Stars play the Vancouver Canucks tonight and your favourite player scored a goal! Made me think about how fun watching those games were!”

©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning Page 101 “Hey, Matthew Good Band is playing at the McPherson Playhouse next month! Thought you’d like to know because I remember how much you loved them! =D”

Get it? They’re pretty innocent, right? Also notice a few things about this text. I use a few exclamation marks here and there. This is really important. Exclamation marks convey happiness.

In a recent survey done by avid text messagers, researchers found that the use of exclamation marks increased the likelihood of receiving text messages back by 20%. That is a lot. So use exclamation marks if you want your ex to text you back!

Second, check out my emoticon at the end of the second text message. Think it doesn’t make a difference? Well, think again. Let’s say you ask your friend through text what they’re doing tonight. Here are two possible responses your friend could come up with...

“Nothing” Or...

©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning Page 102 See how big the difference can be? If you received the first text message, chances are you’ll probably think your friend is just really bored and depressed. Either that, or he or she is just too lazy to text anything more significant. But how does the second text message make you feel? Probably completely different, right? The second text conveys that your friend is doing nothing, but as a result, probably wants to hang out with you tonight.

Another great thing about this Good Reminder text is that it doesn’t force your ex girlfriend to do anything about this text. This is a good thing right now. You essentially want to let your ex girlfriend know that you’re thinking about her, but you don’t want to convey neediness. You don’t even ask a simple question in the text message.

How You Should Call Her

You’ll need to call her when you know she’s actually not going to pick up. It will be much easier to convey that you’ve moved on through a simple voicemail. You’ll want to say something really light-hearted and thoughtful, something to the effect of…

“Hey. Thought I’d give you a quick call to let you know that the season premiere of Mad Men is starting on Sunday. Thought you should you know since the last episode we watched was so good. Anyways, hope all is well.”

thoughtful message. You’re telling her that you’ve been thinking about her, but only fleetingly… and that you remembered that she liked something and you remembered it.

Here’s another example of something you could say:

“Hey. Just letting you know that The Strokes are playing at the Commodore Ballroom in two weeks. I remember how much you like them. Hope all is well!”

This example uses much of the same psychological tools as the first one; it’s thoughtful, concise, and doesn’t convey neediness.

Remember that the tone of your voice is just as important as what you say. A famous relationship expert once said that 93% of communication is non-verbal. So how you say something is sometimes much more important than what you say.

When you leave this message, you want to make it seem like what you’re saying isn’t really a big deal. Don’t speak too quickly otherwise you’ll sound like you’ve pre- meditated the whole thing. You just want to make it seem like you just heard the news (ie. In the second example, act like you just learned that The Strokes were playing at the venue). You want to sound calm and relaxed, but cheerful at the same time.

©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning Page 104 If done properly, she’ll begin to think about you and wonder about you. She’ll enjoy the fact that you were being thoughtful and this can only have a positive effect. You’re also conveying that you’re not needy by saying, “Anyways, hope all is well.” You’re not telling her to call you back or contact you in any way – in fact, you’re not even asking for a reply! This will make you much more desirable.

I know this may seem a little sneaky. Instead of outright engaging her conscious mind, you’re taking a backdoor route and engaging her subconscious mind. I can tell you that talking to her subconscious mind is 100% more effective than being blunt. You know how sometimes being blunt can just have the opposite effect? Remember when mom always used to repeatedly say, “Clean your room!” You probably didn’t want to do it, did you? But when she said, “Isn’t your girlfriend coming over soon?” you probably thought, I better clean my room!

I know this feels like a bit of a cat and mouse game at times. Some relationship experts call this the “Push/Pull” element of attraction, but it’s really nothing fancy at all. You’re just using basic human psychology.

When She Calls Or Writes You Back…

I know at this point, we’re getting pretty far. In fact, you’re probably still on either day 1 or 2 of the no-contact phase, but it’s always good to be prepared! It’s kind of like thinking about the Ferrari that you’re going to own next week… at least it’s motivating!

So here’s the deal. She’s either going to call back or write you back, depending on what she feels most comfortable doing. If she calls back, no matter what, you’re going to let it go to your voice messaging system. Why? The worst thing that could happen is that she doesn’t leave a message, but that’s okay – I’ll let you know what to do when this happens. But again, by not answering the phone, you’re letting her know that you’re unavailable. And because you haven’t shown any neediness in the past 4 weeks or so, she’ll think you’ve developed this aura of confidence to the point that you’re giving off the impression that she isn’t needed in your world.

So after you let it go to voicemail, you’re actually going to wait another 24 hours. Yes, I know there’s a lot of time that passes when trying to get your ex-back, but you’ve already waited 31 days. Another day isn’t going to kill you (but it’s going to kill her inside!).

upbeat, and confident. And again, do not bring up problems from your relationship or anything negative. Instead, engage in small talk. Tell her some things you’ve been up to and let her know that your reality is completely different than when she left it 31 days ago. She’ll find you incredibly attractive after you’ve told her about the cool adventures you’ve been having with your friends (make sure you don’t make it obvious that you’re showing off… just incorporate tidbits of information throughout your conversation.)

Whatever you talk about, remember that how you end this conversation is one of the most important things here. You’ll want to have a call to action. But disguise it in such a way that you

Don’t let your ex drag you into any sort of conflict, bickering, or drama when you talk with her.

Some women tend to become resentful or upset during the “no contact” period, and may attempt to bring up old arguments or accuse you of something. You need to avoid this kind of conflict with your ex at all costs. If you’re going to win her back, it’s by re- building her attraction for you… and guess what? Arguments and bickering won’t make your ex more attracted to you. In fact, it usually does the opposite. Stick to fun, entertaining topics and avoid drama like the plague.

Say something like: “Hey, it’s my niece’s birthday and I need to pick out a stuffed toy… you were always good with that stuff. Think you could help me out?”

If you are text messaging instead of calling, then just text her the same message. Now, whatever your call to action is, you should be getting a positive response. When they accept, you should be well on your way to meeting up with her and creating sexual tension.

Remember, the whole point is to meet up with her under any means necessary (…except kidnap), and posing as a friend is the easiest way to do so. Just know that there isn’t any other way you can create attraction and make her fall in love with you again through just text messaging or calling. All of this will have to take place when you two inevitably meet up again. Only then and there will you be able to safely and

Featured Customer Coaching Question

Real Email Exchanges From Past Customers (Names Changed For Privacy)

“Blocked On Social Media…”

Question Sent By: Jakob S. “Brad… quick question for you!

So I broke up with my ex 22 days ago now, and we have had no contact for about 2 weeks now. She had not messaged me at all.

Im really worried though because she has unfriended me on Facebook and unfollowed me on Twitter and Instagram too… what does this mean?? Is she totally done with me??

Hope to hear from u soon! -Jakob in Israel”

“Don’t Sweat The Social Media Stuff…”

Brad Browning’s Reply To Question From Jakob S. “Hey Jakob, thanks for the message…

First of all, you can relax and stop worrying about her unfriending you on social media… the main reason this happens (and it’s very common after a breakup) is because your ex does not want to be continually reminded of you every time she logs on to Facebook or Twitter.

Just because she was the one to break up with you doesn’t mean that she isn’t feeling the same heartache and loneliness that you are in the wake of your breakup. So, it’s extremely likely that she simply ‘unfriended’ you in order to avoid seeing those regular reminders (and thus bringing

In document Ex Factor Guide 4 (Page 93-111)