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5.2 Discussion of Findings

5.2.4 Emotional Expression

A unique contribution of this current research is in the revelation of feelings and emotions expressed by vloggers. The qualitative nature of the study meant that there was latitude for this kind of expression, essentially precluded in predominantly quantitative studies. Vloggers spoke about the feelings of emotional dysregulation they experienced around the times when they self-harmed. Some described not only emotional turmoil, overload, anger and feelings of aggression but also distressing physiological sensations e.g., one vlogger described the feeling of a ball of anxiety in his chest which was relieved by self-harming. Previous research has documented the role of self-harm in providing an escape from strong and unpleasant feelings and emotions (Najmi Wegner, Nock, 2007).

Gratz & Chapman (2007) highlight the strong and unique contribution of emotional dysregulation as a risk factor for self-harm in males, arguing that it is one of the most important contributors to the onset and maintenance of self-harming behaviour. They found that this was more significant than other factors such as affect

intensity/reactivity and emotional inexpressivity. Madge et al (2008) reported that 62.7% of males selected the statement ‘I wanted to get relief from a terrible state of

mind’ as a reason for self-harming, which is the function most often endorsed across a variety of studies of self-harm (Green & Jakupcak, 2016). These findings provide more support for Bentley et al’s (2014) theory, which proposes that self-harm provides negative automatic reinforcement, as it alleviates intense negative feelings.

Some vloggers described their feelings in terms of a build-up or surge of emotions. Sometimes it was a mixture of emotions which was difficult to define but needed to be released. Whilst it may not be uncommon to experience times of intense emotions, especially when going through negative experiences, some vloggers also talked about experiencing feelings of helplessness which was particularly challenging. Sometimes this was related to a particular predicament they were in and possibly indicates difficulties with problem solving. This has been identified in young people who self- harm in previous research (Oldershaw, Grima, Jollant, Richards, Simic, Taylor & Schmidt, 2009). Helplessness was also reported to be about not knowing what to do with the emotions they were feeling. Some vloggers linked these feelings of

helplessness to the expectations placed upon them as males, where they had been socialised not to show their emotions in particular ways. Previous research has related poor emotional outcomes to a traditional western masculine upbringing, where the release of emotion, particularly through crying can be frowned upon by family members and wider society. O’Beaglaoich, Morrison, Nielsen & Ryan (2015) found that adolescent males identified the expectations of traditional masculine behaviour and restrictions on non-normative gender expression as two factors that produced gender role conflict. Green, Kearns, Ledoux, Addis & Marx (2015) found an association between the features of traditional masculinity and self-harm and Chao, Yang & Luo (2016) found a strong relationship between gender role conflict and self-

harm in older male adolescents. In their study, Green and Jakupcak (2016) highlighted a traditional westernised upbringing as being instrumental in the dynamics of self- harm for some males. Addressing this necessitates a cultural shift, particularly in the messages that males are given from an early age about masculinity and the expression of emotions.

In response to expectations and messages discouraging certain affective display, some vloggers reported actively managing their emotions. Some reported suppressing their emotions by limiting, avoiding or distracting from them. One vlogger told how he would go to the toilet, the place of almost guaranteed privacy and punch himself in the head in order to suppress his tears - a demonstration of how self-harm was one of the physical techniques used to suppress emotion in this research. Clinical approaches to the management of self-harm have highlighted the importance of teaching adaptive ways to respond to emotional distress in order to dissuade individuals from trying to avoid or limit distressing feelings, which instead should be normalised and

experienced as a part of everyday life. Clinicians argue that individuals should be encouraged to be aware of their feelings, understand and accept them, rather than seek to eliminate them – because of the association with self-harm (Gratz, 2007).

As well as talking about the emotions they felt at the time when they were self- harming, vloggers also communicated their feelings and emotions in the moment. These were the feelings that recounting past emotive episodes evoked. One vlogger shared how he wanted to cry, but was going to struggle to maintain his composure for the sake of his audience. Another expressed how sharing his experiences in this way felt ‘intimate’ and yet another said he wanted his delivery to be ‘open hearted’.

Relating in this way contrasts with some of the expectations about males and how they express emotion. Green and Jakupcak (2016) cited male emotional inexpressivity, difficulties introspecting on feelings and identifying and communicating feelings as issues that lead to self-harm. In addition research has found a significant positive relationship between difficulties identifying and describing feelings, self-harm behaviors, stressful events, and suicidal ideation in adolescents (Cerutti, Zuffianò & Spensieri, 2018). However, this research has illustrated that for these vloggers, identifying and describing their emotions seemed to be an important and evident part of their disclosure. There could be several explanations for why they were able to do this. It could be that vlogging is more attractive to individuals with a particular personality type which is naturally more confident and emotionally expressive. Another explanation could be that the conditions under which the declarations were made had an impact on what was shared. Research has highlighted the proliferation of expression through social media sites such as YouTube not only in relation to self- harm but also, for example, about cancer survivorship (Chou, Hunt, Folkers & Augustson, 2011) and genetic testing (Harris, Kelly & Wyatt, 2014), suggesting that sharing through social media platforms has become a natural way to communicate about personal and emotive topics (Gibson, 2015). Coulson, Bullock & Rodham (2017) found that people using online self-harm forums reported several important benefits, including the mutual support received from being able to make contact with others who self-harm, which reduced feelings of loneliness and isolation. Also valued was the opportunity to learn about and share strategies to reduce or stop self-harming, the ability to share as well as find out about the experiences of others and being able to choose what and how to present themselves to others in the online community.

context can be particularly challenging for young people who self-harm and seeking help through peer support networks in an online context was a preferred option. Overt distrust of professionals was expressed by one vlogger in this study and another talked about having not talked directly to other people in his life e.g., family and friends. However they expressed experiencing benefits from vlogging. It is possible that vloggers found the context in which they were able to talk about sensitive issues such as their emotions and self-harm less intensive and invasive. This perhaps made it easier to discuss taboo topics and do socially unconventional things, such as talk about their feelings and express their emotional states as males. Whilst recognising the small sample size in this study, this research presents an alternative view to that which suggests that males per se possess affective communication difficulties which means that they cannot talk about their emotions and emotionally loaded topics. What could be proposed based on this research is that it may be possible that some males have the capacity to identify and express their emotions in certain scenarios, but are limited and inhibited when faced with others.