MOE knocks over a trash can on the Simpsons' front lawn. MARGE comes out in a bathrobe
MARGE
Moe?
MOE
MARGE
You're drunk.
MOE
I'm drunk and I'm high.
MARGE
Go home, Moe.
MOE
I miss him so much.
MARGE
We don't know where he is.
MOE
Is he in trouble?
MARGE
Maybe. But if he is, I know he's doing it for our family.
MOE
He's such a good man.
MARGE
[smiling] He is... he is.
MOE
I can't drive like this.
MARGE
Come have a toke. I'll wake the kids.
MARGE
Sorry, all we have is spice from the gas station.
MOE
I don't smoke that crap.
MARGE
Too good for spice, are we?
MOE
I'm sorry about Bart.
MARGE
MOE
You know... The whole Iraq thing.
MARGE
Bart will be fine. He's a survivor.
BOB
My guy will let us in the base tonight. We'll wait on this hill
HOMER
Let's smoke some more
BOB
Way ahead of you
HOMER
[exhales] I can see the whole facility
BOB
It's where I deal
HOMER
What are they doing to my son
HOMER
I've been letting my kid smoke weed since third grade. But was it right? He's too soft. He's not ready for this. I'm not either.
HOMER
I've been chiefing it since the 70s. I smoked to escape my parents fighting. Now I'm just as shitty as my old man.
HOMER
I fucked up.
BOB
Homer. Your son might not be the same when you see him
HOMER
I need to touch my kid
BOB
It might be difficult
So what if he's different? I know when I pass him the piece that he's gonna be the same old Bart
BOB
They changed him
HOMER
Repack. We've bonded over the pipe for years, and you're telling me he won't enjoy it?
BOB
We don't know yet
HOMER
Do you think any acts of terror or weapons of mass destruction could stifle my boy's love for
chronic?
BOB
I don't know him
HOMER
Well I do. We all do. Bart made us all laugh.
BOB
Tender Bart
HOMER
I love my fucking son
SONIC
You sell to me now.
MOE
I sell to anyone with money
SONIC
You only sell to me.
MOE
And if I don't?
SONIC
I'll fuck you up
MOE
I have people
You don't seem to know who I am. Your people were mine before you were born
MOE
You're a kid
SONIC
I'll kill you
MAGGIE
I feel a terrible anxiety. I think something terrible is going to happen soon.
LISA
Hit this spice
MAGGIE
We're smoking spice now?
LISA
This used to be a great family.
MARGE
It still is, honey.
LISA
My brother is in Iraq. Dad's gone. We used to smoke an ounce a day.
MARGE
You need to trust your father. He always gets us through the tough times. You know this.
LISA
What if he's in over his head?
MARGE
Maybe he's in over his head. But we'll still have a roof over ours. Believe it.
LISA
He's a great man, isn't he?
MARGE
He is.
BOB
HOMER
I'm nervous
BOB
Chill. Keep toking it. He smokes too
CONTACT
You guys can come down. don't even worry. I'm friends with Mike.
BOB
Mike's a good guy
CONTACT
Mike saved my ass
HOMER and CIRCUS BOB descend into camp HOMER My son. Where is he CONTACT Ask Mike HOMER Mike? Where is he MIKE
He's in the rec room
In rec room HOMER ... BOB Homer... HOMER
This isn't my son
A grotesque, muscular caricature of Bart is hanging out with a couple of jugheads, shooting the shit and drinking Millers
HOMER
I don't even recognize him without a bong in his hand
He hasn't noticed us yet
BOB
The kid's wasted
HOMER
Son.
BART, surprised: Father? What the fuck? Why are...how? HOMER
What the fuck did they do to you..I'm going to cry.
MIKE
Get this guy some herb
BART
I don't want that shit around me
HOMER
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
BART
You heard me father
BART
I'm a grown ass man. I'm here. Fighting for my-for YOUR fucking life. I can't sit around all day smoking kush. Not anymore.
BART
I need clarity of mind, high reaction time, if I'm lifted out there, when it's either me or some terrorist, I'm a fucking goner.
BART
This is for you, father. This is for our family. I think of you guys every time I turn down the
hashish pipe.
BART
I know you're anti-war. I was too. But this is what I have to be. I'm here for a reason. I met their demands. Now meet mine and leave.
HOMER
I came here for you
Why? So you could get me high and show me SNL Web Shorts?
HOMER
You love lasercats.
BART
I love America
HOMER
I want out. I was doing this for my son. That man is not my son.
BOB
Out? There is no out. You're in until we move these bricks
HOMER
Let me call my wife
BOB
Why don't you pray instead?
HOMER