Stockholm. After working as the Scandinavian regional secretary for nearly three years, I have now been transferred. My posting is to a section which previously did not exist outside of India: Volunteers Service Department or SD. Today I begin my duties as the European Chief
Secretary of SD. The programs of SD include physical social services for the needy, survival training, security, relevant higher philosophy, and training in basic service-skills such as first aid. Among the means for providing this training are weekend SD camps, which also encourage collective discipline and unity through group exercises. In addition to all of this is a sub-section called Spiritualistsí Sports and Adventures Club.
I think Iím going to enjoy this new job.
161CHAPTER 9
Kapalika Meditation
Avadhuta
Calcutta. Today I was informed that Baba is considering my application to become an avadhuta.43 What is the meaning of avadhuta?
Ancient scriptures give the following differing descriptions:
* Avadhutas and avadhutikas have given up lust for worldly things;
their speech is simple and straightforward, and they always live in the present.
* Though their bodies may be smeared with dust, their minds are
always pure. Even if they do not care much for meditation or concentration, they are always in the state of Cosmic Thought.
43 Since becoming acharya, I had been working as a brahmacarii, i.e. a monk who teaches the six basic lessons of meditation. I had not yet learned a higher Tantric meditation, called kapalika, which is taught only by Baba directly. This meditation is performed in a graveyard or cremation ground between the hours of midnight and 3:00 AM, at least once monthly during the time of the new moon. The eerie, death-shrouded atmosphere helps to manifest oneís latent fears and baser instincts while the lonely silence encourages deep concentration. By this practice, the aspirant rapidly gains control over the
lower self. At this time, Baba also gives the initiation which follows the brahmacarii stage, called avadhuta (or avadhutika for Didis). In Ananda Marga, the brahmacarii wears an orange shirt, orange turban, and a white lungi (sarong) or pants, while the avadhuta wears an orange turban, orange shirt and orange lungi. The uniform is a compromise with the pressing need of modern society for such workers; historically an avadhuta was a naked yogi covered only by ashes, unattached to pleasure and pain, and rarely, if ever, was seen in society.
In India, the word Kapalika is much misunderstood. Many people believe it refers to black-magic left-hand Tantrics who appear totally wild: drinking wine, eating human flesh, engaging in sexual rituals, and so on. It is nothing other than an injustice to the Tantric tradition when people act in this way and claim to be kapalikas.
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162 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER
* They have given up thoughts concerned with solid, liquid, luminous, aerial or ethereal factors. They do not fear death, nor are they
controlled by the darkness of ego.
* They are free from all worldly fetters. Their lives are pure from beginning, middle, to end. They always remain in the state of bliss.
* They have no attachment, even for such qualities as patience and courage. They worship neither Shiva (Consciousness) nor Shakta (Primal Energy), but remain absorbed in the ideation of Brahma (infinite
God), like a second Maheshvara (a name of Shiva, father of Tantra).
During the seven years of Babaís imprisonment no worker became avadhuta because the initiation required privacy. Furthermore, in the seven thousand years since Shiva founded the Tantric cult no non-Asian has learned the kapalika practice. Thus something special, something new, is in the works.
The test
Four of the candidates being considered by Him are non-Indian.
He called us individually into His room. We were told that He would test our readiness for the kapalika training.
It was different than any test Iíve undergone. Iíll explain only part of it.
He called me first. As with Personal Contact, I was alone with Him.
But whereas before He sat in a comfortable unassuming posture, this time He was erect, permeated by an intense transcendentality (how else to describe that mood?). As He spoke, the images He described became as real as the room itself.
ìYou are in the cremation ground in the dead of the night...î He said, a fire burning in His eyes, ìeverything hides behind a blanket of darkness ... vultures flap their wings ... a muggy breeze shivers your spine ... from some unknown corner echoes ëhooot ... hooot ... hoootíówill you be afraid?î ìNo, Baba.î
ìVery good,î He brought His solemn face close to mine. ìAnd if
you plunge deep, deep down into silence ... only leaves minutely rustling in the breath of shadows ... your heart beats slowly ... slowly ...
slowly ... when suddenly! what hey? scores of faces, nay, skulls are all upon you! raining like arrows on your head! scowling, grating their teeth, hissing, wailing!ówill you be afraid?î
163
ìNo, Baba.î
ìVery good. But, then, how will my boy react if I tell him to take
off his clothes and move in the streets without inhibition? Will he do it?î ìYes, Baba.î
ìThen, go and do it. Now.î
Immediately without a flick of hesitation, I stood up and started for the door. As my hand reached the door handle, He said, ìStop!î I turned and faced Him.
ìVery good. Very good. Now tell me ... how many blades are in that fan?î
In that moment nothing could have been more strange than such a common question! I looked up at the ceiling-fanóthe blades turned lazily, barely merging into each other. I tried to count them.
ìI think...there may be three, Baba.î ìYou think, or you know?î
ìI...I...think, Baba.î
ìThe answer is wrong. You should have said, ëBaba, may I turn the fan off so that I can properly count the blades?íî
I laughed, while He smiled broadly. The ìtestî was finished.
He placed His hand on my head, then I embraced Him, and reluctantly left, an extraordinary energy vibrating through every vertebrae
of my spine.
...
Next day. We four were given the thick ìSenior Acharya Diaryî today and told to copy it. After doing so, we must pass the senior acharya exam, another prerequisite before receiving kapalika initiation.
For various reasons the time is short, so thereís no time for sleep until the copying is finished. Then we will have to cram for the exam.
...
Two days later. It was 4:00 a.m., and we were immersed in the endless copying. Dada J dropped his pen, and still mindlessly went on
writing with his finger. A little later when he fell off his chair, his shocked expression made us split our sides laughing.
...
Two days later. I am in the biggest hurry, because I, alone among the four, must attend a workersí meeting in Delhi on the 11th. Before that I must pass the exam, which covers not only the material in the KAPALIKA MEDITATION
164 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER
diary (which I finally finished copying today), but also all the material
in Babaís book Yogic Treatment, and advanced spiritual and social philosophy.
I started taking the test today, but the examiner failed me right away because I had not memorized any of the Sanskrit shlokas in the diary. There are forty shlokas, each having at least four lines. I wonder how I can manage it.
...
Next day. So far I have only been able to memorize seven shlokas. So I failed again. My mind seems blocked. Perhaps itís due to exhaustion.
...
Next day. This morning my mind inexplicably shifted into cosmic gear. Within forty minutes I had memorized the remaining thirty-three shlokas. I was amazed, having never before experienced this sort of phenomenal mental power.
The examiner, however, didnít seem surprised. After passing me
on the shlokas, he went on to the other subjects, and one by one I passed them.
In the evening, Dada Tadbhavananda (a senior worker) who was scheduled to fly with me to Delhi came to the room and spoke to the examiner.
ìYouíve got to pass this boy quickly or weíll miss our flight.î ìDonít try to pressure me,î said the examiner nonchalantly. ìNow finally letís turn to Caryacarya.î44
ìWhat!î I exclaimed. ìI didnít know weíd be examined on
Caryacarya. How about just forgetting it, Dadaji?î I hadnít studied the book at all.
ìI wonít make exceptions for anyone.î Suddenly the electricity went out.
ìSomeone find some candles,î the examiner said.
We all searched around, but couldnít find any.
ìHey, youíve got to pass him now!î said Tadbhavanandaji to the examiner.
ìNothing doing.î
A few minutes passed, and still no candle appeared.
ìFor Godís sake,î yelled Tadbhavanandaji, ìweíve got to leave this minute for the airport!î
44 Caryacarya is a book on social and spiritual functions
165ìAlright...î said the examiner, grudgingly. ìGive me your diary.î
I gave him the book and heard him scratch his signature in the dark.
A few seconds later the electricity came on again, just as suddenly as it had gone out. Our eyes blinked in the bright light.
ìVictory to Baba!î roared Tadbhavanandaji. ìBabaís grace. The taxiís waiting!î
Yes, it was a novel sort of grace that made the lights fail instead of me.
A special kind of attention
Delhi. Although it was only two months since I last saw Baba, it
seemed like two eons. I had an extreme desire to see Him again. Because there were only about fifteen persons this morning when He walked into the room to give His talk, it seemed almost a private audience.
He sat in the chair which was immediately in front of me. We all sat on the floor looking up at Him expectantly. He gazed at each of us before speaking, with one exception: me.
Baba, look at me, I thought. But He did not.
Instead He started speaking. Usually while speaking He rarely looks at anyone. But this morning He smilingly turned His face right and
left, melting each heart with His affectionate and highly personal glances.
But He didnít look at me.
Why? I thought. Did I do something wrong?
Although He spoke in English, I was so perturbed by His behavior
that I couldnít understand a single word. His tender, doe-like eyes rested
momentarily on each and every face, but when He turned His gaze toward the center, He either lowered or raised His eyes just when He
was about to look at me.
Iíve done some horrible sin, I thought. The anxiety made my head warm.
Perhaps ... perhaps it was those harsh words to my office secretary?
No, noóthat wasnít very serious. Perhaps it was because I ate sweets unnecessarily? Ah, but He hardly cares for that...
It went on and on: everyone thrilling to the play of His eyes, His
refusing to look at me, and my speculations continuing to bubble, heating my spine, tensing my body. What great offense had I committed in
these last two months? My thoughts tripped over each other, trying to find the answer. Though the air wasnít hot, and everyone was comfortable in the fanís breeze, I was sweating and shaking, feeling hotter and
KAPALIKA MEDITATION
166 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER
more confused with each passing moment. My thinking galloped at such a pace that it went out of control. My head burned and my heart ached as I stared at this indifferent Baba, tears coming out of my eyes, wondering, wondering.
Suddenly a single thought burst out through the forest of confusion (and these were the exact words): That He ignores me is in itself a special kind of attention.
Before the meaning of this sentence could even register in my brain, Baba interrupted His speech, sharply swiveled His head around, turned His face directly toward mine, and smiled. I distinctly heard Him say, ìYes,î though His lips didnít form the word. He kept His eyes glued on mine for a long momentóperhaps five or ten seconds.
Gradually the significance of His message sunk into me, and I smiled back, mentally telling Him, Oh itís beautiful, Baba. Thank you. By the time He resumed His speech, my soul was swimming in relief and joy.
After Baba left the room, several of the workers and Margis who noticed what had happened came to me, and asked, ìWhy did Baba treat you like that today?î
I told them what I had experienced, then added, ìAs to why I was graced with this lesson today, I donít know. But I hope to remember forever that when Iím feeling alone and neglected, even then, especially then, He is giving me exactly what I need.î
Dada Shraddhanandaís dry smile
During an official workersí meeting at which Baba was not present, a serious discussion was held concerning the twenty-eight departments of ìAnanda Marga Generalî. Eventually we came to Tribal & Backward Peopleís Welfare Section (TBPW).
One Dada from Berlin Sector said, ìIn my sector there are very
few countries having tribal people. Yet we receive general targets from Center applicable for all regions. How are we to respond to TBPW targets in those countries without tribal people?î
There was silence as the workers from Center were thinking what to reply. Then the eldest worker of our mission, Dada Shraddhananda (about 70 years old), said in a dry voice, ìIn those countries where there are no tribal and backward people, the first work of the TBPW section will be to create tribal and backward people.î
167
In that sober atmosphere, it took a few moments for us to catch his
point. Then we all roared with laughter.45 Wise, wiser, wisest
Patna. After completing the Delhi workersí meeting, Baba traveled to Patna, and we four followed Him. We are still waiting for confirmation on the kapalika training. Meanwhile, we are attending the workersí meetings with Baba.
During such meetings, Baba commonly singles out one worker for scoldings. Although the targeted worker gains the greatest benefit, we all gain some psychic profit by witnessing these scenes. After all, it is His duty to help us diminish our complexes of fear, shame, inferiority, superiority and so on.
The past few days it was usually Dada T who received His
tongue-lashings. (Though T is a senior worker, and recognized as one of our best, he nevertheless becomes as nervous as anyone when bearing the brunt of Babaís ìvenomî. This in itself I find amazing, because outside of such sessions, T is a superbly confident manóhow skillful Baba
is in drawing out our deepest hidden instincts.) In front of about sixty workers, T was instructed to give his work-done report. Fully expecting to be rebuked somehow, he was uneasy even before starting to speak.
He stood on Babaís left side, reading aloud, ìAh ... Baba ... today
the tri-offices were increased by seven ... rather ... yesterday there were 186 block-level tri-offices ... and today there are 194, ah ... excuse me 192 ... and regarding bi-offices ...î
45 This entry is included to give a glimpse into a lesser known aspect of Dada Shraddhananda, who later became Ananda Marga president in 1990. He once told me that
Baba personally taught him many things on the science of humor, and that he was thinking to compose a booklet on the subject. Over the years, I occasionally asked him when he would write that booklet, but he never had time.
Some months ago, I again asked him about writing that booklet, but he avoided responding. Instead he switched the subject by saying, ìI once met a man living in a very cold region north of India. I was curious about his daily lifestyle, so I asked him about his usual time of prayer, what sort of clothes people there commonly wore, what sort of food he ate, what times he rose in the morning and retired in the evening, and so on. When I asked him when he usually took his bath, he replied, ëI usually take my bath in May or June.íî
Anyway, if he would ever grab a few hours to make a draft of the booklet, I would offer to edit it.
KAPALIKA MEDITATION
168 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER
Baba squinted His eyes, contorted his upper lip, scratched His head, and, looking to His right at His personal assistant, said in a high nasal tone, ìWhatís this? What does he have for a head? What say you? Does he have a brick for a head? Doesnít he know how to speak?î
Dada T was sweating profusely.
Closing His eyes, Baba motioned at him using a limp left index finger, and said, ìGo on. Go on. Donít waste the time of all these fine gentlemen here.î
I was sitting immediately in front of Baba, about two feet from Him.
It may sound cruel, but I was thoroughly enjoying the drama. In any case, it was for our development.
ìAh ... well ... regarding bi-offices,î said T, ìin 10,337 blocks there
were 178 covered today ... ah ... rather yesterday ... bringing the percentage to 2% ... and today ...î
Baba yawned politely but conspicuously, then gave a wink and a smile toward the workers on His right.
ì... and today ... there is an increase of seven, bringing the percentage
to 2% ... what? ... yes, itís still 2% ...î
Baba creased His cheeks into dimples as if He would smile, but
frowned simultaneouslyóincongruous and thus humorous for usóturned toward T and said bitingly, ìArraay, read your report correctly. You are wiser enough.î
Immediately I thought, ìWiser? Baba should have said, ëYou are wise enoughí.î
Like a rubber band snapping back, He turned His face to the front and thrust it into mine, saying, ìWiserónot wise. Wiser than you!î He had caught my thought precisely!
I exploded into laughter and could not stop laughing for several seconds. Two Dadas tried to restrain me, but Baba clenched His teeth together, turned the corners of His lips into a tight smile, jutted His chin out and nodded knowingly at me, making the whole scene all the more jocular.
He affects us, He helps us, He loves us with even the slightest moves He makes, and with each word He speaks.
Seeing God
We are staying at the home of an Indian lawyer, Ranjan Dwivedi, and his American wife Parashakti, both of whom are great devotees of 169Baba. Early this morning, Parashakti told us the Baba-dream she had last night.
ìI was sitting in an auditorium in the middle of an audience, and just next to me sat Baba. On the stage, different spiritual groups were demonstrating their techniques of meditation.
ìThe man representing the first group closed his eyes and began
meditating. Within moments, his body was vibrating, rotating in circles, and making slight jumping movements. At the same time he made grunting sounds.
ìI turned to Baba, and said, ëBaba, why canít we experience that with our meditation?í He didnít reply, but only smiled at me with a glint in His eyes.
ìThe next man began meditating, and soon he was levitating high above the table on which he had been sitting.
ìThe next man began meditating, and soon he was levitating high above the table on which he had been sitting.