Your language toolbox has more in it than just verbs. You should get to be familiar with other tools that will make your copy sparkle. Dan Rather has been a great reporter and anchor throughout his career.
But what you may not realize is how artfully he uses language. He never misses a chance at using every tool available for broadcasters and that includes his writing. You can study it in any of the many books he has written. You will note his spare sentence structure, but at the same time note his flourishes. His use of metaphor and simile is legendary and many viewers looked forward to hearing them during election night. One particularly close vote brought this out: “The race is as tight as a Botox smile.” This was only one of many that peppered his reporting. You will do well to take advantage of the language in your writing.
Back to our class fire script. So now with our active verb, we have:
FIRE SCRIPT/Nancy’s Class NATSOT: “Fire!”
(V/O wide shot of fire scene.)
NARR: “A blaze hit the home at 1234 Main Street shortly after 8 this morning.”
NATSOT: (Fire truck arriving) “Siren screaming.”
NARR: “The firefighters lugged 800 feet of hose to find water.”
(NOTE: This is an editor’s trick but I’ll let you in on it here.
Take the siren sound from the NATSOT and dip the level, trailing it under the next picture of the firefighters lugging hose, then fade it out. This is called an “L-cut” and helps weave the piece together.
It is less jumpy, less jarring than cutting it out abruptly.) Now we want to introduce our superstar interview, right?
Here we can use an old scripting trick that gives the piece pace and the opportunity to introduce who is talking. What we will do is use some sound from the eyewitness, then a line of narration introducing her, then another piece of sound from her. You can
Fig. 5-4 The eyewitness.
either break up one long sound bite into two parts (using them on either side of the narration) or use two sound bites with the narration between them. In both cases, it’s best to use a shorter piece of sound before the narration followed by a meatier one — something like this:
SOT: “Why I was scared half to death, I was.”
(V/O show neighbor then the electric box.)
NARR: “Neighbor Shelly Jones spotted the flame coming out of the electric box on her neighbor’s house. She phoned her immediately.”
SOT: “‘There’s a dang fire in your house,’ I told her.”
(SOT here means “Sound on Tape” and it’s a part of your interview.)
So now we have:
FIRE SCRIPT/Nancy’s Class NATSOT: “Fire!”
(V/O wide shot of fire scene.)
NARR: “A blaze hit the home at 1234 Main Street shortly after 8 this morning.”
NATSOT: (Fire truck arriving) “Siren screaming.”
NARR: “The firefighters lugged 800 feet of hose to find water.”
SOT: (Neighbor) “Why I was scared half to death, I was.”
(V/O show neighbor then the electric box.)
NARR: “Neighbor Shelly Jones spotted the flame coming out of the electric box on her neighbor’s house. She phoned her immediately.”
SOT: (Neighbor) “‘There’s a dang fire in your house,’ I told her.”
As much fun as our interview with the neighbor is, we have to get to more facts and alas, leave her behind. It can be a trap to fall in love with a character who is not the key to the facts, so you have to be careful.
What’s important now? Was anyone hurt? How much damage?
Go there with your other interviews. The fire chief is the best authority but he is dull, so if you can, avoid too much of him.
You can use pictures of you and the chief as “cover” for narration about what he told you. You might use the best sound you have that is short or at least a tiny snip of his voice to lead into narration.
This is also a good way to keep the viewer involved in the story. In this narration, you can say what the chief said. Like this:
NAT or NATSOT: (Again meaning natural sound . . . even though it’s the fire chief talking, it’s not a sound bite . . . just flavor of your interview.)
NAT: “. . . two pumpers on the scene . . .”
NARR: “The chief told me that all the residents were evacuated safely.”
Fig. 5-5 Fire chief.
Now that information came directly from what the chief did tell you. You could go from there to the daring rescue of the elderly woman from the second story.
This is not your only option. There would be nothing wrong with using the “sound” from the chief if you like. It might even set up the drama of the incident better.
SOT: (Chief) “All residents were evacuated safely.”
(V/O rescue of woman.)
NARR: “The chief’s men did a heroic job of rescuing one of the residents who was pulled from the second story.”
Either one is fine. Then you’d go to the ambulance driver.
NARR: “The woman, identified as the mother of the other resident, was taken to the hospital as a precaution.”
SOT: (Ambulance man) “She seems fine. She’s a feisty one, she is.”
So we’ve told the story and gotten everyone safely out. There are a couple of tidbits that should be included. How much damage?
The chief told us not too much. And what about that investigation?
How about one more line of narration:
NARR: “The damage to the home was minimal. An investigation is under way.”
To cover this with picture, you could always use the shot of the damage you smartly got while on the scene. But I like book-ending the piece with the closing shot of the fire truck leaving. Remember we used the arrival at the top. Visually, it gives a nice symmetry, a nice balance to the report.
Now we have some dangling information. What do you do with that cat? Should it be up higher? Should it be in the piece at all?
My belief is that it makes a nice tag to a piece as long as no one died or was severely hurt. So let’s use it there.
LIVE (OR TAPED TAG)
“The only worry now is Tabby the cat who is missing. But here’s hoping that Tabby hasn’t used all of her nine lives.”
Reporting (LIVE) etc. etc. (See next chapter for how to sign off.) What about the ambulance attendant saying everyone is fine. He told you that the chief told him that. So that makes it third-hand
information, doesn’t it? Go to the source and ask the chief if it’s important.
What about the neighbor saying they don’t get along. That shouldn’t be in this at all. It’s not part of the story, it may not be correct and it could be actionable under law. Be careful of ever using gossip as fact.
How’s our final script look?
FIRE SCRIPT/Nancy’s Class NATSOT: “Fire!”
(V/O wide shot of fire scene.)
NARR: “A blaze hit the home of Midge Connally at 1234 Main Street shortly after 8 this morning.”
NATSOT: (Fire truck arriving) “Siren screaming.”
NARR: “The firefighters lugged 800 feet of hose to find water.”
SOT: (Neighbor) “Why I was scared half to death, I was.”
(V/O show neighbor then the electric box.)
NARR: “Neighbor Shelly Jones spotted the flame coming out of the electric box on her neighbor’s house. She phoned her immediately.”
SOT: “‘There’s a dang fire in your house,’ I told her.”
SOT: (Chief) “All residents were evacuated safely.”
(V/O rescue of woman.)
NARR: “The chief’s men did a heroic job of rescuing one of the residents who was pulled from the second story.”
(V/O How about using the fire truck leaving. You could use the damage of the house but that is a more literal show-and-tell.) NARR: “The damage to the home was minimal. An investigation is under way.”
LIVE (OR TAPED TAG)
“The only worry now is Tabby the cat who is missing. But here’s hoping that Tabby hasn’t used all of her nine lives.”
On the CD-Rom, I’ve put in pictures for you to write your own script on the fire story. Go and write some. The more you practice, the better you will get.