The relationship shared between a non-resident father and his son

One of the most vital issues to be investigated in this study was the extent and quality of the relationship shared between the non-resident fathers and their sons. In the literature, it is noted that when a father does not reside in the same home as his children, usually very little contact is maintained, and contact generally decreases over time (Furstenberg & Harris, 1992; King, 1994; Seltzer, 1991). The National Center for Fathering (2000) also states that the quality of the relationship and the strength of the emotional bond shared between father and child may be more significant for the child's well-being than the

amount of father-child contact.

In this study, participants expressed sadness and dissatisfaction with the current relationships they shared with their fathers. For most participants, the quality of the father-son relationship was characterised by limited or no communication and was experienced as emotionally distant. A key finding from this study was that it is not just the absence of the father from the household that plays a role, but the reason for and type of father's absence are very important in determining the quality of the relationship shared between the father and son.

If the reason for the absence was viewed positively by other family members and the participant, such as working away from home to bring income to the family, it positively impacted the quality of the relationship between the father and son. Participants reported that when the father would return home on the weekends, they would look forward to his arrival. The father would make up for the time lost and engage in common activities with the son. However, if the reason for the absence was viewed negatively by other family members and the participant and negatively impacted the participants' life, the quality of the father-son relationship deteriorated. For example, if a participant was told that the father left or abandoned the mother for another woman, the participant would often want to have nothing to do with his father and would feel that he does not need his father as he has survived without him. Participants were not willing to explore the possibility of a relationship with their father due to these negative views of him, either conveyed by other family members or by their own negative experiences with him.

Furthermore, the quality of the father-son relationship prior to the separation and the quality of the relationship shared between the parents during marriage as well as after the separation tend to impact the quality of the father-son relationship after separation. This suggests that it is not just the father absence but that there are other factors that affect the quality of the relationship between the father and son. If the participants shared a strong and close bond prior to separation, the relationship has a better chance of survival following the separation. In addition, if the quality of the parents' relationship was amicable after the separation and the mother supported the father's involvement, the father-son relationship was of a better quality than that of those participants whose parents were not on talking terms.

The father's negative behaviour after the separation also influenced the quality of the father-son relationship. Although some participants reported initially sharing a close relationship with their fathers, spending time with them, and doing activities such as playing soccer, it became apparent that after the separation, if the father engaged in negative behaviour such as excessive drinking of alcohol and having other girlfriends, the quality of their relationship was negatively affected.

In this study, most children desired open and closer relationships and longed to spend more time with their fathers. Participants stressed the importance of regular contact and noted that this ideal relationship can be formed and maintained even if the father does not reside in the same house, as long as he maintains contact and gives time. This study highlights that the residential status of the father does not need to negatively impact the quality of the relationship between a father and his son. It is the effort made by the father to maintain contact that positively affects the quality of the father-son relationship. Thus, an important contribution that men can make to children's lives is the building of a caring relationship with them or increasing their involvement. This finding is consistent with the literature which asserts that children who have regular contact with their non-resident fathers over long periods of time perform better and have relationships that are characterised by strong emotional attachments (Amato & Gilbreth, 1999; Dunn et al., 2004).

In summary, regardless of the current quality of the father-son relationship, children still need and want fathers and long for better, more open, and closer continuing relationships. Participants in this study stressed that warm and close relationships with children can be established by fathers' availability to the children.