The ancient Greek word for manliness is andreia; the Latin word for manliness is virtus. In both
instances, manliness=courage. The Greeks and Romans weren’t the only cultures to equate courage with manliness. As Gilmore reveals in his cross-cultural analysis of masculinity, courage has been the sin qua non of manhood in every time and place throughout all of human history.
For courage to exist, there must be risk. And so to develop our andreia we must court a little danger in our lives.
As we’ve explored in this series, manhood has always been considered an earned status – an
achievement. And just as it can be earned, it can be lost as well. Thus, a manhood that doesn’t risk its dispossession is no manhood at all.
For our primitive ancestors, opportunities to exercise their manly courage through risk were plentiful. Danger surrounded them at all sides in the form of enemy tribes or wild animals. You didn’t have to go looking for trouble, trouble found you.
Contrast that to our modern world in which safety and comfort are plentiful, but risk and danger are wanting. If a modern man wants to experience a visceral life or death risk, he has to purposely seek it out by signing up for military combat or taking part in extreme sports. But even the more subdued forms of risk that men were formerly expected to embrace have diminished. For example, instead of asking a woman out in person or over the phone, men today use technology to blunt and even eliminate the risk of rejection. There’s less sting when a woman ignores your text message than when she tells you “no” to your face.
While we should all find ways – big and small – to court a little danger in our lives, that doesn’t mean our risk-taking needs to be stupid or even excessive. Part of the problem in today’s culture is that we provide and encourage so few positive, pro-social outlets for male risk-taking — particularly for young men. Consequently, we have young men who do needlessly dumb things that provide no real benefits for the man or for society. To make risk-taking rewarding, we need to, as psychologist Nicholas Hobbs puts it, “choose trouble for oneself in the direction of what one would like to become.” Instead of sticking fireworks up your butt and lighting them, start a business, join the merchant marines, take part in an amateur boxing match, or ask out that pretty woman you’ve had your eye on for so long.
Moreover, understand that the amount of risk you take will probably diminish as you enter different stages in your life thanks to naturally decreasing levels of testosterone as well as simply having more to lose than gain. Gilmore notes in Manhood in the Making that in most cultures, risk-taking was encouraged in young men as a way for them to gain the hardihood to tackle the mature tasks of later life. Once a man becomes established and has a family, excessive risk-taking was then seen as boyish and unmanly, because at that point in a man’s life his job was to maintain what he had and gain more.
All of which is to say, that we would do well to seek the Aristotelian mean when it comes to taking risks. Action Steps:
There are many forms of courage, but physical courage is its highest form, as it requires overcoming our strongest biological drive: self-preservation. As discussed above, the courage one gains in the ring or on the battlefield will extend to one’s moral and intellectual pursuits. But I’m not sure the reverse is true. That is, while taking small risks in moral, social, and intellectual areas will develop your ability to take
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Ask a woman out face-to-face. Start a business.
Choose an alternative path to going to college.
Learn to ride a motorcycle.
Stand up for your beliefs even in the face of ridicule.
Take part in sports that involve physical danger (fighting, rock climbing, surfing, snowboarding, etc.).
Give a public speech.
Take part in the manly art of haggling.
Do s**t that scares you and conquer whatever particular fears your have. Further Reading:
The Cardinal Virtue of Courage Developing Manly Courage
Series on the Nature of Courage
11. Embrace Competition
“With what earnestness they pursue their rivalries! How fierce their contests! What exultation they feel when they win, and what shame when they are beaten! How they dislike reproach! How they yearn for praise! What labors will they not undertake to stand first among their peers!” -Cicero, on Rome’s young men
Each of the pillars of manhood involves public competition between men to be the best. Men have always competed for status, to see who could be the superior protector, procreator, and provider. It’s how men gained self-worth and displayed their value to their community, honor group, and possible mates. Today, however, many social critics bemoan the masculine competitive drive and argue that men and all of society would be better off if we stopped with the “pissing contests” and embraced a more feminine ethos of cooperation.
Hogwash, I say! Hogwash!
First, contrary to popular belief, men do cooperate. In fact, as psychologist Roy Baumeister argues in his must-read book, Is There Anything Good About Men, males are often more adept than females at creating large networks of weak ties that are designed to fulfill a cooperative goal (a recent study confirmed this theory). Hunting parties, militaries, sports teams, governments, and corporations are examples of
cooperative endeavors that men excel in. When critics argue for men to be more cooperative like women, they typically mean they want men to have a more dyadic and consensus-building type of cooperation steeped in the strong ties women excel at forging. Both approaches have their pros and cons, but to say men don’t know how to cooperate is simply wrong.
Second, competition is often how men bond, and thus is paramount to masculine social fulfillment. Forty years ago, anthropologist Lionel Tiger coined the phrase “male bonding.” When many people hear that phrase, they conjure up images of men sitting in a circle in the middle of the woods beating on drums or bros professing their bromance with a sappy “I love you, man!”
But Tiger was describing something else. For him, male bonding is inextricably tied up with aggression Brett 163 Comments
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For examples of this dynamic, consider the intimate bond that forms between soldiers, especially those who see combat together. A common refrain amongst soldiers is that while they may have gone to war to fight for their country, they stayed to fight for their brothers. You can see the way competition solidifies the male bond with sports teams as well.
Where the male quest for dominance is, male bonding will be also. So if you’re worried about the lack of close male friends that many modern men have, we should be encouraging more (positive) competition, not less.
Third, competition breeds excellence – both in ourselves and in the culture at large. Men’s penchant for status-seeking (and risk-taking) is what led to the discovery of new lands and the invention of the world’s technologies; it’s the driver of societal progress. Sure, we should compete against ourselves and always strive to be better than the men we were yesterday. But competing against ourselves will only take us so far. It’s easy to get complacent when you’re just trying to beat the man in the mirror because ego and status aren’t at risk. We need the friction that comes with opposing forces to keep us sharp. When there’s a risk of public defeat or victory, we push ourselves out of our comfort zone. Other competitors can reveal flaws and weaknesses in ourselves we didn’t know we had. Competition keeps us hungry and humble. Finally, competition is risky, and as we know, manliness without risk just isn’t manliness.
So step into the arena and show yourself a man by competing. You may lose, but you’ll be the better for Brett 163 Comments
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In the ancient code of man, there is no dishonor in striving and falling short; rather, as Gilmore notes, “the worst sin” of manliness “is not honest failure but cowardly withdrawal.”
Action Steps:
To tap into the most potent masculine energy, try to compete as part of an all-male team. That opportunity can be hard to find these days, particularly once you’re out of college. Competing in things by yourself won’t scratch that primal itch to conquer as part of a gang, but it’s still a worthy pursuit.
Play a team sport.
Get together for pick-up games with your friends. Strive to be at the top of your academic class.
Compete in an academic bowl, science fair, or debating society.
If you’re a business owner, look for ways to get an edge on your rivals. Sign up for a running/obstacle race.
Do CrossFit. While I personally don’t think CrossFit is the best way to build strength, it does have a good competitive ethos. CF is also coed, but I’ve noticed that all-dude classes naturally and
unofficially form. Further Reading:
On Men and Competition
12. Complete a Rite of Passage
In many cultures around the world, when young men came of age, they underwent a rite of passage into manhood. This rite would often involve the young men being separated from the village and their
mothers, being instructed as to the “secrets” of manhood by the tribe’s elders, and completing arduous and painful challenges that demonstrated to the community that they had mastered the manly traits of skill, courage, and toughness. When the initiate was reintroduced back into the village, he was recognized as a full-fledged man and given new privileges and responsibilities attendant to that status.
As adults, the young men would have to embrace strenuous and dangerous imperatives, and these rites of passage ensured that they were prepared for these tasks, while at the same time giving them confidence in themselves and their status as men.
While today’s young men no longer have to prepare for a life of hunting and fighting (though, as we’ve spent this whole article discussing, they should!), there’s another reason these kinds of rites of passage are important.
Some psychologists theorize that it’s harder for young men than young women to embrace adulthood. We all start out in the womb of our mothers, and we all feel a regressive pull back to that primeval oneness throughout our lives – a desire to return to a time where all our needs were taken care of and nothing was demanded of us. This pull may be stronger for boys, as girls have a model for adult womanhood in their mothers, but boys must break more sharply away to find their own independent masculine identity. Helping young men gain a sense of self and avoid getting stuck in state of arrested development was surely one of the purposes of ancient rites of passage.
Certainly there’s wisdom in that idea. Many modern young men who do not undergo a rite of passage into manhood often struggle with still feeling like a boy trapped in a man’s body. They want to feel like a man,
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Just thinking your way to a new status isn’t very effective: “Okay, now I’m a man.” A concrete ritual provides an outward manifestation of an inner change, and in so doing helps make the transition to adulthood more tangible and psychologically resonant.
Rites of passage into manhood can still be found in some faith traditions, as well as in the military and organizations like the Boy Scouts. But they’re few and far between.
Rites of passage you create for yourself aren’t as effective, because they lack the “re-incorporation” phase of the process – where a community recognizes your new status and treats your differently because of it. This recognition creates a feedback loop in which you act differently because you’re now a man, and people expect more of you because of it, which motivates you to keep living the code. But, a DIY rite of passage is definitely better than nothing at all and can definitely help move you into a more mature mindset.
Action Steps:
The single action step here is to participate in a rite of passage. The forms this rite can take are numerous:
Climb a mountain.
Take a wilderness canoe trip.
Backpack a long-distance trail (like the Appalachian) end to end. Become an Eagle Scout.
Join the military. Serve in Americorps. Serve in the Peace Corps. Serve a mission for your church.
Teach English in a foreign country for a year.
Join a fraternal organization that offers a rite of passage ritual like the Freemasons or Knights of Columbus.
Further Reading:
The Power of Ritual: The Rocket Booster of Personal Change, Transformation, and Progress
The History and Nature of Rites of Passage How to Create Your Own Rite of Passage
13. Go on Adventures
Why are men and boys particularly drawn to adventure stories? Evolution likely plays a role.
The male brain is wired for adventure. According to The Male Brain, when we were hanging out in our mothers’ wombs, our bodies were flooded with a bunch of different hormones. Two of these substances — specifically anti-Mullerian hormones and testosterone — primed the circuits of our tiny male fetus brains for functions like exploratory behavior and spatial skills — skills that are important when going into uncharted territory.
Testosterone may continue to drive the male quest to explore even into adulthood. Studies have shown that when male animals are injected with high levels of testosterone, they expand their distance of
exploration. Primatologists have noted that male chimp gangs that stray the furthest from their home base typically have higher levels of testosterone than the gangs that stay closer to home. Researchers speculate
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Evolutionary biologists theorize that the reason males in most species, including humans, are evolved to explore and orient is to help in patrolling and protecting their territorial perimeter as well as to expand their territory to gain access to new resources. What’s more, because males are sexually expendable, species can afford to lose a few males on dangerous trips to the unknown.
Tens of thousands of years after our hunter-gatherer ancestors left the plains of Africa, the drive to explore still exists in the DNA of men. It was men who mapped the globe during the Golden Age of Discovery, reached the Earth’s poles during the Heroic Age of Arctic Exploration, and landed on the moon. In all of these instances there were economic, political, cultural, and scientific benefits to exploration, but I’m pretty sure most men went simply for the adventure.
English explorer Sir Wilfred Thesiger admitted that’s why he explored:
“For me, exploration was a personal venture. I did not go to the Arabian Desert to collect plants nor to make a map; such things were incidental. At heart I knew that to write or even to talk of my travels was to tarnish the achievement. I went there to find peace in the hardship of desert travel and the company of desert peoples…It is not the goal but the way there that matters, and the harder the way the more worthwhile the journey.”
Besides our innate propensity to explore, adventure also calls upon many of the core attributes of masculinity such as risk, competition, resourcefulness, mastery, and dominance. Adventure provides a testing ground for a man’s mettle.
Jack London biographer Earle Labor told me one of the things that made London such a virile example of manhood was his “spirit of romance and adventure.” Adventure not only provided London endless fodder for his writing, but more importantly it filled his soul with grit and passion; it provided both an outlet and a fuel for his fiery thumos.
In our modern world, adventure is much harder to come by than it once was. Much of the world has been explored and the great destinations for adventure have been sapped of their romance and danger through touristification. Going to see the Aztec pyramids in Mexico is now like a trip to Disney World.
Adventure is still possible for the man who wants it. It just takes more work to find. Action Steps:
Go on one big adventure (specially when you’re young) and try to do it with a bud or buddies to replicate that primordial male gang.
Schedule regular adventures during the year. They don’t have to be big. Just go somewhere new and explore without a set agenda.
Make your vacations more of an adventure. Don’t be a tourist; be a flaneur.
Road trip across the country.
Take a spur of the moment weekend road trip into the wilds.
Get somewhere by hitchhiking. Learn to scuba dive.
Take up caving.
Become an urban explorer.
Read adventure stories. Admittedly an abstraction, but one that can inspire you to get concrete. Teddy Roosevelt credited the adventure stories of his childhood for his desire to explore, and Jack London said the books of Robert Louis Stevenson served as inspiration for his many adventures.