Earlier I spoke about filters and how removing them can make your writing more energetic. Another way to add energy to your writing is to use active sentences and specific verbs. Verbs are amazing little things. They may be only one part of speech but they’re the one that pro- vides motion or stillness that define a subject or event. Verbs affect tension, energy, and pace. And just think about it: grammatically, a sentence cannot exist without one.
Of course, such is the way of the world: not all verbs are created equal.To be forms of verbs create passive sentences, which slow down the pace, zap energy from writing, and tend to create generalized images. They add unnecessary syllables to an art form whose purpose is to be concise and condensed. They appear as the following:
Present Tense • I am, We are • You are, You are • He/She/It is, They are Past Tense
• I was, We were • You were, You were • He/She/It was, They were Progressive Form
• I am being, You are being, He/She/It is being Perfect Form
• I have been, You have been, He/She/It has been
Here is an example of a sentence that uses theto beforms ofwashand vacuum:
I was washing the dishes while my brother was vacuuming the carpet.
And here is that sentence rewritten with active verbs:
I washed the dishes while my brother vacuumed the carpet.
Notice how the change creates a sentence with more stresses thereby creating more energy. A passive sentence that places the emphasis on the milk:
The milk was spilled by Hector.
An active sentence that focuses our attention on the subject’s action:
Hector spilled the milk.
Though passive sentences have their place and create their own effect by shifting emphasis from the subject to the object, generally they should be used sparingly.
Discussion
Read Dorianne Laux’s poem “The Shipfitter’s Wife” and take note of her verbs. Make a list of them. What do you notice? What is the effect of these verbs on the poem’s expe- rience? Now, change those verbs toto beforms. What else changes?
In addition to using the active forms of verbs, experienced poets use a wide variety of verbs in their writing. As you revise, don’t settle on the first verb you think of; every verb can offer something different. For example, did the little girllook out the window at the deer? Or did
she gaze, peer, stare, glance, glimpse, notice, or behold? All of these words produce a slightly different meaning and music.
When revising your poems, athesauruscan be a useful tool when expanding your vocabulary.
Anglo-Saxon vs. Latinate Diction
The English language is a combination of Latin and German. As you begin to expand your vocabulary by experimenting with different verbs that make your images more specific, keep in mind that for a poet, short and succinct Anglo-Saxon verbs work best rather than Latinate, multi-syllabic verbs. Though all words have their place, those Latinate, so-called “SAT words” or “ten-dollar words” slow down your reader. They are intellectual rather than physical; of the mind rather than of the body. Anglo-Saxon words tend to be shorter and more concrete, whereas Latinate words tend to be longer and more abstract:
Latinate Anglo-Saxon Masticate Eat Abdomen Tummy Inquire Ask Disclose Tell Cognizant Aware Excrement Shit Precipitation Rain
Think about how and when you hear these words. If you stub your toe or slam your finger in a car door, I bet most of the words you say would be monosyllabic and Anglo-Saxon rather than multi-syllabic and Latinate. The shorter words are more immediately felt, whether exclaiming them or reading them. When people become excited, their words shorten and the pace of language quickens. There is more urgency and more energy—what we want in our poems.
I have, in the past, had students worry that their poems will be too remedial if they stick to shorter words. Though there is nothing wrong with a reader having to use a dictionary on occasion, and I would never use the phrase “dumb-down” to describe the poetry writing process; remember that creative writing is the land of images. We want our readers to forget they are reading. We want them to experience a poem through their senses. Poems are con- densed moments of an experience meant to be taken in as a whole; all at once, in a way, no matter the length of the poem. We want the words on the page to translate into images in the mind’s eye quickly; therefore, big, academic words are usually not the diction of choice in poetry.
Activity
Choose a poem from this book or the Poetry Foundation and change Anglo-Saxon words into Latinate words. What difference do these new words make to how you experience the poem?