Attachment and Attachment Based Therapy

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Attachment

Attachment Theory Theory and and Attachment-Based Attachment-Based TherapyTherapy © Chris Purnell 2004

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There was little that she felt able to do to pacify him as struggled to pack her There was little that she felt able to do to pacify him as struggled to pack her sh

shopoppiping ng ininto to babagsgs. . ShShe e tuturnrned ed anand d smsmililed ed apapolologogetieticacalllly y to to ththe e wowomamann be

behihind nd heher r in in ththe e ququeueue e in in rerespspononse se to to ththe e didisasapppproroviving ng gagazze e ththat at wawass focused upon Adam. A man standing behind the woman visibly winced, his focused upon Adam. A man standing behind the woman visibly winced, his nerves jangling, as Adam let out another piercing shriek. June thrust payment nerves jangling, as Adam let out another piercing shriek. June thrust payment fo

for r heher r shshopoppiping ng in in ththe e didirerectctioion n of of ththe e cacashshieier r witwith h onone e hahand nd as as rereacachehed d towards her son with the other in a further attempt to calm him. The cashier towards her son with the other in a further attempt to calm him. The cashier smiled sympathetically as she gave June the change for her shopping.

smiled sympathetically as she gave June the change for her shopping.

Thankfully, June put the money into her purse and wheeled the trolley out of Thankfully, June put the money into her purse and wheeled the trolley out of the shop. Immediately she stopped and picked Adam, still screaming, out of the shop. Immediately she stopped and picked Adam, still screaming, out of his seat and held him. For a few moments he continued to scream as she his seat and held him. For a few moments he continued to scream as she spoke gently into his ear and held him to her, then he began to calm as the spoke gently into his ear and held him to her, then he began to calm as the physical

physical closeness closeness and and her her words words reached reached him him through through his his protest. protest. His His crying crying red

reduceuced d to to a a whiwhimpmper er as as he he snsnugguggled led agaagainsinst t herher, , feefeelinling g reareassussured red and and comforted by the physical contact.

comforted by the physical contact.

Within a further few moments Adam had stopped crying altogether, and only Within a further few moments Adam had stopped crying altogether, and only th

the e ococccasasioionanal l shshududdeder r of of hihis s bobody dy gagave ve anany y evevididenence ce of of hihis s prprevevioiousus distress. June felt herself begin to calm as Adam settled. She sat down on a distress. June felt herself begin to calm as Adam settled. She sat down on a seat outside the shop and continued to simply hold him as he drifted off into seat outside the shop and continued to simply hold him as he drifted off into sleep, and then gently carried him in one arm, whilst using the other to push sleep, and then gently carried him in one arm, whilst using the other to push the trolley toward her car in preparation for their journey home.

the trolley toward her car in preparation for their journey home.

Every reader of the above story about June and Adam will be able to relate to Every reader of the above story about June and Adam will be able to relate to and locate oneself in it in some way. It is a story about Attachment, and this is and locate oneself in it in some way. It is a story about Attachment, and this is so

somemeththining g ththat at is is imimpoportrtanant t to to us us alall. l. ThThe e neneed ed fofor r huhumaman n bebeinings gs to to bebe atta

attacheched d to to sosomeomeone ne whwho o can can proprovidvide e thethem m wiwith th sasafety fety and and reareassussuranrancece wh

when en thethey y arare e frifrighghtetenened, d, ananxixiouous s or or tirtired ed wawas s firfirst st taltalkeked d ababouout t by by JoJohnhn Bowlby, the originator of Attachment Theory.

Bowlby, the originator of Attachment Theory.

Bowlby and others have contributed much to our understanding of the ways in Bowlby and others have contributed much to our understanding of the ways in wh

whicich h we we ffororm m AtAttatachchmmenentsts, , anand d ththe e coconsnseqequeuencnces es of of AtAttatachchmmenent t experiences for our emotional development. Importantly, we seek safety and experiences for our emotional development. Importantly, we seek safety and se

secucuritrity y ththrorougughohout ut ouour r liliveves, s, anand d ththe e waway y in in whwhicich h we we arare e abable le to to obobtatainin the

these se cocondinditiotions ns shashapes pes our our selself-uf-undenderstrstanandinding g and and our our relrelatiationsonshiphips s withwith others

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early Attachment experiences generate, and consider how an understanding early Attachment experiences generate, and consider how an understanding of

of thethese se patpatternterns s helhelps ps botboth h cliclient ent and and prapractictitiontioner er in in a a psypsychchothotheraerapeupeutic tic environment.

environment.

Early Attachment Experiences and Attachment Patterns Early Attachment Experiences and Attachment Patterns Ju

June ne anand d AdAdam am hahad d whwhat at BoBowlwlby by wowoululd d hahave ve dedescscriribebed d as as a a SeSecucurere Attachment

Attachment relationship, relationship, because because as as soon soon as as she she was was able able to to do do so so sheshe responded to the distress that was caused by Adam’s fatigue by taking the responded to the distress that was caused by Adam’s fatigue by taking the time to comfort him. This enabled him to settle and go to sleep. It is the ability time to comfort him. This enabled him to settle and go to sleep. It is the ability of

of a a ccararegegiviver er to to rerespsponond d in in ththis is wway ay ththat at foformrms s ththe e babasisis s of of a a SeSecucurere Attachment.

Attachment. It It would would not not have have been been sufficient sufficient for for Adam Adam if if somebody somebody else else inin that supermarket had tried to comfort him. He needed his mother because of that supermarket had tried to comfort him. He needed his mother because of the specific attachment bond that he had with her – she was the one that he the specific attachment bond that he had with her – she was the one that he depended upon as a caregiver.

depended upon as a caregiver. Jun

June’s respoe’s response to nse to AdaAdam m proprovivided him ded him wiwith th whawhat t BowBowlby callelby called d aa Secure Secure Ba

Basese. . ThThat at is is a a sesensnse e of of sasafefety and ty and seseccururitity y whwhicich h wowoululd d gigive ve hihim m ththee confidence to explore and interact with the world in the knowledge that June confidence to explore and interact with the world in the knowledge that June was there to give him physical comfort and reassurance when he needed it. was there to give him physical comfort and reassurance when he needed it. This basic attachment need for a Secure Base is so strong that a child will This basic attachment need for a Secure Base is so strong that a child will al

alwaways ys attattemempt pt to to dedevevelolop p a a bobond nd wiwith th its its cacareregigivevers rs (u(ususualally ly in in ththe e firfirstst instance its parents) regardless of how its caregivers respond to it. Where a instance its parents) regardless of how its caregivers respond to it. Where a caregiver fails to provide a secure base by responding sensitively to a child’s caregiver fails to provide a secure base by responding sensitively to a child’s attachment needs, then the child will adapt its behaviour and develop what attachment needs, then the child will adapt its behaviour and develop what Bowlby called an

Bowlby called an Anxious Anxious Attachment. Attachment.

Let us imagine for a moment what might have happened had Adam’s mother Let us imagine for a moment what might have happened had Adam’s mother been one of the other women in the supermarket queue – the one who gazed been one of the other women in the supermarket queue – the one who gazed with disa

with disapprovpproval at Adam. al at Adam. It is probable that AdaIt is probable that Adam would have learm would have learned fromned from the earliest age that to cry when he was distressed would not gain him the the earliest age that to cry when he was distressed would not gain him the comfort that he was seeking, but would more likely result in an experience of comfort that he was seeking, but would more likely result in an experience of rejection. In order to maintain any contact with this woman as a caregiver, he rejection. In order to maintain any contact with this woman as a caregiver, he would have had to learn to keep his distress under control. He would have would have had to learn to keep his distress under control. He would have learned that he could maintain contact with his mother, and avoid rejection, if learned that he could maintain contact with his mother, and avoid rejection, if he covered up his need to be comforted, reassured and to feel secure.

he covered up his need to be comforted, reassured and to feel secure. The Attachment relationship that he developed would be known as

The Attachment relationship that he developed would be known as Avoidant Avoidant ;; in the supermarket scenario he would appear as a well mannered child who in in the supermarket scenario he would appear as a well mannered child who in spite of being tired, sat quietly in the trolley. Instead of looking towards his spite of being tired, sat quietly in the trolley. Instead of looking towards his mother for comfort, he might distract himself by playing with a package out of mother for comfort, he might distract himself by playing with a package out of the shopping trolley or by simply focusing upon the surrounding activity in the the shopping trolley or by simply focusing upon the surrounding activity in the supermarket. His mother might proudly tell people what a well behaved and supermarket. His mother might proudly tell people what a well behaved and unde

undemandimanding child he was. ng child he was. And, this approvAnd, this approval of al of him would encohim would encourage him tourage him to further develop his insular and self contained behaviour because this would further develop his insular and self contained behaviour because this would help him maintain an Attachment relationship with his mother.

help him maintain an Attachment relationship with his mother. Another

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and his father takes a biscuit out of the shopping trolley and gives it to him to and his father takes a biscuit out of the shopping trolley and gives it to him to paci

pacify him. Adam, howevfy him. Adam, however, doesn’t waner, doesn’t want a t a biscbiscuit. uit. He wants his fatheHe wants his father. Andr. And so, after a couple of nibbles he throws the biscuit on the floor and continues to so, after a couple of nibbles he throws the biscuit on the floor and continues to protest. His father pats him on the head and tells him to hush. Adam, finding protest. His father pats him on the head and tells him to hush. Adam, finding tha

that t he he now has now has his fatherhis father’s ’s attattentention ion cricries es eveven en loulouderder, , dedemanmandinding g to to bebe picked up.

picked up.

In this scenario, the woman in the queue who gave the disapproving look In this scenario, the woman in the queue who gave the disapproving look makes a quiet comment to the person behind her about spoilt, ill-disciplined makes a quiet comment to the person behind her about spoilt, ill-disciplined ch

chilildrdrenen. . In In ththe e memeanantimtime e AdAdamam’s ’s fafathther er gegets ts inincrcreaeasisingngly ly frafrantnticic, , bebeiningg in

intetensnselely y awawarare e of of ththe e atattetentintion on ththat at ththe e prproteotest st is is crcreaeatinting, g, bubut t feefeelinlingg completely unable to appease his son. Finally, Adam’s father reaches a point completely unable to appease his son. Finally, Adam’s father reaches a point where the screams make him feel so desperate that he smacks his son’s leg where the screams make him feel so desperate that he smacks his son’s leg and tells him to stop screaming.

and tells him to stop screaming. Hav

Having ing paipaid d for for the the shshoppoppinging, , AdaAdam’s m’s fathfather er lealeaveves s the the supsupermermarkarket et anandd wheels the trolley holding his still screaming son, to the car. As he lifts him out wheels the trolley holding his still screaming son, to the car. As he lifts him out of

of ththe e trtrololleley, y, AdAdam am ththrorows ws hihimsmselelf f babackckwawardrds s awaway ay frofrom m hihis s fatfatheher r whwhoo desperately bundles him, struggling and wailing, into his car seat. By the time desperately bundles him, struggling and wailing, into his car seat. By the time they reach home Adam has screamed himself into an exhausted sleep.

they reach home Adam has screamed himself into an exhausted sleep. Th

The e ReResisiststanant t AtAttatachchmement nt papatttterern n poportrtrarayeyed d in in ththis is scscenenarario io ililluluststrarates tes aa caregiver that is inconsistent in his response to his child. He has no clear caregiver that is inconsistent in his response to his child. He has no clear s

strtratategegy y fofor r ccomomfofortrtiing ng hihis s chchilild. d. BeBeccaaususe e oof f tthihis s inincoconsnsisistetencncy y or or unpredictability the child becomes difficult to pacify when upset, because it unpredictability the child becomes difficult to pacify when upset, because it never knows just how much attention it is likely to get, or how long it will last. never knows just how much attention it is likely to get, or how long it will last. Th

Therere e is is a a ththirird d tytype pe of of ananxixiouous s atattactachmhmenent t whwhicich h mimighght t nonot t be be so so rereadadililyy identifiable in our supermarket scenario, but which along with the Attachment identifiable in our supermarket scenario, but which along with the Attachment pa

patttteernrns s ddesesccriribebedd, , hahas s bebeen en cclleaearlrly y ididenentitifified ed by by dedevvelelopopmemenntatall ps

psycychoholologigiststs s thrthrouough gh a a prprococesess s knknowown n as as ththe e InInfanfant t StrStranange ge SiSitutuatatioionn (Ainsworth 1978).

(Ainsworth 1978).

This third type of anxious attachment develops out of a child’s experiences of This third type of anxious attachment develops out of a child’s experiences of a caregiver who in one way or another frightens it. The source of the fear a caregiver who in one way or another frightens it. The source of the fear might be abusive behaviour or it might be simply that the caregiver acts in a might be abusive behaviour or it might be simply that the caregiver acts in a frightening way because of, say, psychotic behaviour or substance abuse or frightening way because of, say, psychotic behaviour or substance abuse or alcoholism. In some instances the caregiver’s frightening behaviour is bourn alcoholism. In some instances the caregiver’s frightening behaviour is bourn out

out of of thetheir ir own fearfown fearfulnulness in ess in thetheir ir relrelatiationsonship hip to to the the chichild. Whatevld. Whatever er thethe cause, the child now experiences a dilemma

cause, the child now experiences a dilemma - how to maintain closeness and - how to maintain closeness and contact when the caregiver that it needs to be close to at times of fear or contact when the caregiver that it needs to be close to at times of fear or an

anxixietety y is is alalso so ththe e sosoururce ce of of itits s fefearar.. The The obsobserverved ed behbehaviaviour our of of infinfantantss suggests that such a dilemma results in a collapse of any strategy to maintain suggests that such a dilemma results in a collapse of any strategy to maintain proximity to a caregiver (Main & Hesse 1990), and a

proximity to a caregiver (Main & Hesse 1990), and a Disorganised Disorganised Attachment Attachment relationship develops.

relationship develops.

These various types of Attachment that grow out of our early experiences are These various types of Attachment that grow out of our early experiences are no

not t fefeataturures es of of jujust st cchihildldhohoodod. . ThThey ey mamatttter er fofor r ththe e kikindnds s of of pepeopople le wewe bec

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example, Adam’s internal working model of Attachment with June, his mother, example, Adam’s internal working model of Attachment with June, his mother, was based upon the knowledge that when he cried she would respond by was based upon the knowledge that when he cried she would respond by comforting and soothing him. His internal working model developed out of the comforting and soothing him. His internal working model developed out of the many and repe

many and repeated interated interactionactions with his mother over time. s with his mother over time. As Adam develAs Adam developsops –

– and and this this is is true true for for all all children children - - his his experiences experiences of of other other Attachments Attachments either either reinforce or modify the original working model. As we move through infancy reinforce or modify the original working model. As we move through infancy and

and chichildhldhoodood, , and and intinto o aduadulthlthoodood, , our our InInternternal al WorkWorking ing ModModels els becbecomeome increasingly more complex and sophisticated

increasingly more complex and sophisticated..

Adult Attachments and the Process of Remembering Adult Attachments and the Process of Remembering Muc

Much h has been has been lealearnerned d aboabout ut aduadult lt AttAttachachmenment t thrthrougough h the work the work of of MarMaryy Ma

Mainin, , whwho o dedevevelolopeped d the the AdAdulult t AtAttatachchmement nt InIntetervrview iew (A(AAI)AI). . WhaWhat t MaMainin’s’s research tells us is that for adults, Attachment experiences remain with us, research tells us is that for adults, Attachment experiences remain with us, and persist at the level of mental representations. (By this we mean the way in and persist at the level of mental representations. (By this we mean the way in w

whihich ch atattatachchmement nt exexpeperirienenceces s hahave ve bebecocome me reregigiststerered ed in in ththe e mimindnd).). Furthermore, behaviours that relate to internal working models of attachment Furthermore, behaviours that relate to internal working models of attachment in

in chchilildrdren en as as dedescscriribebed d by by BoBowlwlby by anand d AiAinsnswowortrth, h, bebecocome me inincrcreaeasisingnglyly com

compleplex x and and reprepresresententatiationaonal l in in the the proprogregressission on towtowardards s aduadulthlthoodood. . (Ma(Mainin 1991)

1991)

The AAI is a method of evaluating attachment patterns through scoring the The AAI is a method of evaluating attachment patterns through scoring the unconscious responses of adults to interview questions about their childhood. unconscious responses of adults to interview questions about their childhood. Wha

What t ththe e memeththod od dedemomonsnstratratetes s vevery ry clcleaearlrly y is is ththat at it it is is nonot t trtrauaumamatitic c or or dif

difficficult ult relrelatiationsonshiphips s or or evevents ents in in thethemsemselvelves s durduring ing chichildhldhood ood thathat t dicdictattatee anxious Attachment patterns in adults, but rather the manner in which those anxious Attachment patterns in adults, but rather the manner in which those expe

experiencriences have been internales have been internalised as memorieised as memories and states of s and states of mind.mind. Adults

Adults who who are are judged judged to to be be Secure Secure are are those those who who are are able able to to give give aa structured and coherent account of their childhood, and who are able to speak structured and coherent account of their childhood, and who are able to speak about traumatic events in such a way as to demonstrate an ability to reflect about traumatic events in such a way as to demonstrate an ability to reflect upo

upon them ann them and put them ind put them into perto perspespectictiveve. . It is as thougIt is as though the wayh the ways in whics in whichh th

thesese e adadulults ts wewere re rerespsponondeded d to to wwhehen n ththey ey ththememsselelveves s wwerere e chchilildrdrenen,, provided emotional protection from the worst of their childhood traumas and provided emotional protection from the worst of their childhood traumas and this contributed to their capacity to develop secure attachment relationships. this contributed to their capacity to develop secure attachment relationships. Adults

Adults withwith anxious anxious Attachment patterns, on the other hand, are less able to Attachment patterns, on the other hand, are less able to n

naarrrraate te tthheeiir r cchhiillddhhooood d ssttoorry y iin n a a ccoohheerreennt t fafasshhiioonn. . UUssiinng g tthhe e AAAAII classifications, distinctive patterns emerge.

classifications, distinctive patterns emerge. 1.

1. Dismissing. Dismissing. In this insIn this instantancece,, in in givgiving ing accaccounounts ts of of theitheir r chchildildhoohood,d, ad

adulults ts mimininimimise se ththe e rerelelevavancnce e or or imimpoportrtanance ce of of chchilildhdhooood d exexpeperirienencece;; so

somemetitimemes s ththey ey clclaiaim m to to rerememembmber er vverery y lilittttle le ababouout t ththe e evevenents ts of of ththeieir r ch

chilildhdhooood, d, or or rerecocoununt t ththosose e evevenents as ts as nonormrmalal. . In In sosome me ininststananceces, s, ththee accounts that are given by

accounts that are given by Dismissing Dismissing adults will be excessively brief, or they adults will be excessively brief, or they might contain idealisations, contradictions or unsupported statements. In the might contain idealisations, contradictions or unsupported statements. In the case of our supermarket scenario, it is very likely that the woman with the case of our supermarket scenario, it is very likely that the woman with the

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ch

chilildhdhooood d evevenents ts to to a a cocohehererent nt anand d ccononcicise se coconcnclulusisionon. . SoSomemetitimemess Pre

Preoccoccupiupied ed aduadults lts appappear ear to to becbecome ome angangry ry or or fearfearful ful whewhen n relrelatinating g thetheir ir ex

experperieniencesces. . AgaAgain, in, thithinkinking ng aboabout ut the the susuperpermarmarket ket scsceneene, , the the man man whwhoo winced when Adam screamed could quite likely be classed as Preoccupied if winced when Adam screamed could quite likely be classed as Preoccupied if he were to take part in an AAI.

he were to take part in an AAI. 3

3 UnresUnresolved olved / / disordisorganisganised.ed. In In thethese se cascases, es, accaccounounts ts parparticticulaularly rly of of traumatic events become subtly incoherent, through changes in discourse or traumatic events become subtly incoherent, through changes in discourse or lapses in reasoning. It is likely that what the AAI identifies is the

lapses in reasoning. It is likely that what the AAI identifies is the dissociative dissociative mechanisms relating to trauma.

mechanisms relating to trauma. Th

The e AAAAI I hihighghlilighghts ts relrelevevanancece, , coconsnsisistetencncy y anand d cocohehererencnce e of of an an adadulult’t’ss account of childhood events, and also the capacity to reflect (Fonagy et al., account of childhood events, and also the capacity to reflect (Fonagy et al., 1997) upon the affective internal state that is generated by memories of these 1997) upon the affective internal state that is generated by memories of these experiences. This reflective function is of immense importance in helping to experiences. This reflective function is of immense importance in helping to ex

explaplain in why for why for exaexamplmple, e, a a aduadult lt carcaregiegiver ver migmight ht be be unaunable ble to to adeadequaquateltelyy respond to the attachment needs of a child. It represents a capacity to know respond to the attachment needs of a child. It represents a capacity to know what it is that the child is communicating through an ability to reflect upon the what it is that the child is communicating through an ability to reflect upon the internal affective state that the child’s signals generate within the caregiver; internal affective state that the child’s signals generate within the caregiver; the

the cacapacpacity to ity to thithink nk aboabout ut whawhat t one is one is thithinkinking. The ng. The chichild’ld’s s exexperperienience ce of of being understood by its caregiver is key to the development of a secure base. being understood by its caregiver is key to the development of a secure base. Thu

Thus s the child the child thathat t devdeveloelops ps an an anxanxiouious s attattachachmenment t stystyle le is is liklikely to ely to havhavee experienced a caregiver who is unable to tolerate the affect that its expressed experienced a caregiver who is unable to tolerate the affect that its expressed atta

attachmchment ent neeneed d gengeneraerates tes insinside ide thethem. m. The The affeaffect ct is is thertherefoefore re bloblockecked d or or reacted to, rather than reflected upon and used to understand and respond to reacted to, rather than reflected upon and used to understand and respond to the child’s own internal state. Picture the response of the Preoccupied father the child’s own internal state. Picture the response of the Preoccupied father of the Resistantly attached Alex in the supermarket example, and how this of the Resistantly attached Alex in the supermarket example, and how this man found it

man found it difficdifficult to ult to resporespond approprind appropriately to ately to his child’s distresshis child’s distress.. Sim

Similailarly rly the the DisDismismissinsing g mothmother’er’s s inainabilbility ity to to reflreflect ect upoupon n AvoAvoidaidant nt AdaAdam’sm’s Attachment

Attachment needs needs meant meant that that he he had had to to adapt adapt by by suppressing suppressing any any outwardoutward sign of distress, and it easy to imagine how he in turn might learn not reflect sign of distress, and it easy to imagine how he in turn might learn not reflect upon his internal need for Attachment. .

upon his internal need for Attachment. . Th

The e cacapapacicity ty of of a a pepersrson on to to thithink nk ababouout t whwhat at ththey ey arare e thithinknkining g wiwill ll hahaveve bearing upon how they are able to engage in the process of psychotherapy. bearing upon how they are able to engage in the process of psychotherapy. However, even where this reflective capacity is limited, psychotherapy can still However, even where this reflective capacity is limited, psychotherapy can still be effective provided that the therapist has the ability to attune to the feelings be effective provided that the therapist has the ability to attune to the feelings th

that at ththe e pepersrsoon n is is exexprpresesssining g anand d in in dodoining g sso o prprovovidide e ththem em wwitith h ththee experience of a secure base.

experience of a secure base. Mo

Most st rereadaderers s arare e lilikekely ly to to be be abable le to to ididenentitify fy elelememenents ts of of ththememseselvlveses somewhere within the attachment patterns that have been described, and the somewhere within the attachment patterns that have been described, and the re

reseseararch ch prprovovidides es a a ririch ch fraframemewowork rk of of evevididenencece-b-basased ed ththeoeory ry ththat at is is of of immense value in informing us of what can be effective in the clinical practice immense value in informing us of what can be effective in the clinical practice of psychotherapy.

of psychotherapy.

Attachment-based Therapy Attachment-based Therapy

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Bo

Bowlwlby by hihimsmselelf f clclaiaimemed, d, anand d it it is is a a kekey y prprininciciplple e of of an an AtAttactachmhmenent-t-babasesedd approach to psychotherapy

approach to psychotherapy

The attachment classifications provide a helpful frame of reference for helping The attachment classifications provide a helpful frame of reference for helping a

a ppssyycchhootthheerraappiisst t tto o kknnoow w hhoow w bbeesst t tto o rreessppoonnd d tto o ppeeoopplle e iin n aa ps

psycychohoththererapapeueutic tic sesettttining, g, anand d it it is is nonot t nenececessssarary y to to go go ththrorougugh h a a foformrmalal in

intetervrvieiew w prprococesess s anand d clclasassisify fy pepeopople le in in orordeder r to to mamake ke ususe e of of ththe e thetheorory.y. Us

Usuaualllly y it it is is popossssibible le fofor r an an exexpeperirienencced ed ththererapapisist t to to geget t a a ‘f‘feeeel’ l’ fofor r anan attachment pattern, partly from the person’s use of narrative and also through attachment pattern, partly from the person’s use of narrative and also through the way in which they relate to their therapist and how they deal with their the way in which they relate to their therapist and how they deal with their relationships generally.

relationships generally. Jo

John hn BoBowlwlby by (1(198988) 8) ididenentitifified ed fifive ve ththererapapeueutitic c tatasksks s ththat at neneed ed to to bebe ad

addrdresessesed d whwhen en he he tatalklked ed ababouout t the the clclininicical al apapplplicicatiationons s of of AtAttatachchmementnt theory:

theory:

If you were starting attachment-based psychotherapy, then the first of thing If you were starting attachment-based psychotherapy, then the first of thing y

you ou wwouould ld neneed ed is is a a sesecucure re babase se frfrom om wwhihich ch yoyou u cocoululd d bebegigin n ththe e sesellf f ex

explplororatatioion n ththat at is is an an inintegtegraral l papart rt of of pspsycychohothetherarapypy. . ThThis is ininvovolvlves es yoyour ur the

theraprapist ist not not onlonly y paypaying attenting attention ion to to makmaking their ing their conconsulsultinting g rooroom m a a sasafefe environment, but also being attuned and responsive to your

environment, but also being attuned and responsive to your internal internal need for need for a sense of safety and security. In order to respond to the latter need, it would a sense of safety and security. In order to respond to the latter need, it would be necessary for your therapist to have some insight into or understanding of be necessary for your therapist to have some insight into or understanding of your internal working model of attachment.

your internal working model of attachment.

For example, in a similar way to an AAI account, a person with a Dismissing For example, in a similar way to an AAI account, a person with a Dismissing attachment pattern is likely to avoid going into too much detail about their attachment pattern is likely to avoid going into too much detail about their childhood, claiming that it is irrelevant or unimportant, or saying that they do childhood, claiming that it is irrelevant or unimportant, or saying that they do no

not t rerememembmber er mumuch ch ababouout t itit. . ThThey ey mamay y alalso so nonormrmalalisise e ththeieir r acaccocoununts ts of of childhood events – ie.

childhood events – ie. ‘I can’t say that my childhood was particularly happy, ‘I can’t say that my childhood was particularly happy, but then at the end of the day, what is happiness and how many people can but then at the end of the day, what is happiness and how many people can truly say that they were happy?’

truly say that they were happy?’ In a In a similsimilar way they are likely minimiar way they are likely minimise these the importance of the therapy relationship and their need for it to provide them importance of the therapy relationship and their need for it to provide them with a secure base. They would be inviting their therapist to collude with the with a secure base. They would be inviting their therapist to collude with the no

notition on ththat at AtAttatachchmements nts arare e ununimimpoportartantnt, , by by acacceceptptining g ththis is viview ew anand d nonott res

responpondinding g to to thetheir ir undunderlerlyiying ng AttaAttachmchment ent neeneed, d, and and thithis s simsimply ply reireinfornforcesces their Internal Working Model which has been built upon the experience of their their Internal Working Model which has been built upon the experience of their attachment needs being dismissed or ignored.

attachment needs being dismissed or ignored.

The therapist’s skill in offering a secure base involves being able to recognise The therapist’s skill in offering a secure base involves being able to recognise and respect their client’s self-contained strategy for dealing with Attachment and respect their client’s self-contained strategy for dealing with Attachment related situations, whilst also providing the possibility of a different and more related situations, whilst also providing the possibility of a different and more secure attachment experience through therapy.

secure attachment experience through therapy. A

A clinical clinical illustration illustration of of this this was was a a Dismissing Dismissing person person who who was was dealing dealing withwith trauma rel

trauma relating to a serious illating to a serious illness. ness. He was handliHe was handling this trauma in a very self ng this trauma in a very self contained and insular manner. Working with him in therapy involved sessions contained and insular manner. Working with him in therapy involved sessions where there were prolonged periods of silence, where the therapist began to where there were prolonged periods of silence, where the therapist began to expe

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them. Sometimes the therapist also

them. Sometimes the therapist also imports, imports, or picks up feelings or sensations or picks up feelings or sensations that the client might be unconsciously communicating. (Southgate 1990)

that the client might be unconsciously communicating. (Southgate 1990)

The therapist’s temptation was to give in to the apparent lack of progress and The therapist’s temptation was to give in to the apparent lack of progress and abandon further attempts to engage the client in therapy. However, what she abandon further attempts to engage the client in therapy. However, what she actually did was to bring some of these feelings into the therapy by talking actually did was to bring some of these feelings into the therapy by talking abo

about ut how diffichow difficult ult the the sessessiosions ns sosometmetimeimes s felfelt, t, and and wowondenderinring g whwhat at thethesese difficulties might be about.

difficulties might be about. Th

This is enenabableled d ththe e clclieient nt to to coconsnsidider er ththat at ththe e ththererapapisist t mimighght t be be cacapapablble e of of understanding and subsequently responding to his internal state of anxiety. understanding and subsequently responding to his internal state of anxiety. Th

This is alallolowewed d hihim m to to opopen en up up anand d tatalk lk a a lilittttle le ababouout t hihis s owown n fefeelelinings gs of of helplessness in relation to his illness, and his fears around death and dying. helplessness in relation to his illness, and his fears around death and dying. What the therapist had managed to do was respond to rather than dismiss the What the therapist had managed to do was respond to rather than dismiss the client’s need for a secure base and provide him with a sufficient sense of client’s need for a secure base and provide him with a sufficient sense of safety and reassurance for him to begin to talk about his fears.

safety and reassurance for him to begin to talk about his fears.

In similar way a Preoccupied person will use their internal working model of In similar way a Preoccupied person will use their internal working model of atta

attachmchment ent as as a a meameans ns of of perperceiceiviving ng thathat t attaattachchmenments ts are are incinconsonsististent ent or or unreliable. In therapy such a client might be anxious about their therapist’s unreliable. In therapy such a client might be anxious about their therapist’s reliability or availability and continually test it through expressions of clinging reliability or availability and continually test it through expressions of clinging anx

anxietyiety, , somsometietimes mes mixmixed ed witwith h angangry ry rejrejectectionion. . The The thetheraprapistist’s ’s attattempempts ts toto pr

provovidide e the the clclieient nt wiwith th a a sesensnse e of of sasafefety ty anand d rereasassusurarancnce e is is lilikekely ly to to bebe continually tested with further expressions of anxiety, and when the anxiety continually tested with further expressions of anxiety, and when the anxiety beco

becomes too mes too great it great it turns into criticism and rejection of turns into criticism and rejection of the therapisthe therapist.t.

For the therapist such behaviour can produce counter-transference feelings of For the therapist such behaviour can produce counter-transference feelings of exasperation and an impulse to reject the client, and of course to do so would exasperation and an impulse to reject the client, and of course to do so would simply serve to confirm the client’s internal working model of attachments as simply serve to confirm the client’s internal working model of attachments as in

incoconsnsisistetent nt or or ununrereliliabablele. . AgAgaiain, n, ththe e PrPreoeoccccupupieied d pepersrsonon’s ’s neneed ed is is for for aa consistently containing response which will help him to experience something consistently containing response which will help him to experience something that more closely resembles a secure base.

that more closely resembles a secure base. Peopl

People e with Disorganwith Disorganised attachmeised attachment nt patterpatterns can ns can often appear to often appear to have manyhave many of

of ththe e fefeataturures es of of the the othother er ananxixiouous s papattetternrns, s, or or ththey ey may may on on ththe e susurfrfacacee appear to be Secure in attachment terms. The thing that they are likely to appear to be Secure in attachment terms. The thing that they are likely to have in common is an experience of childhood trauma that was potentially have in common is an experience of childhood trauma that was potentially ov

overwerwhelhelmingming, , and and ususualually ly whewhere re sigsignifinificacant nt attattachachmenment t figufigures res wewere re thethe sou

source of rce of the traumathe trauma. . As As alralreadeady y desdescricribedbed, , this presethis presents nts a a chchild with ild with thethe dilemma of how to maintain proximity to caregivers who are either frightening dilemma of how to maintain proximity to caregivers who are either frightening

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psychologically disengage from an extreme threat or trauma from which there psychologically disengage from an extreme threat or trauma from which there is no physical means of escape, and can take the form of simply ‘spacing out’, is no physical means of escape, and can take the form of simply ‘spacing out’, or

or in in cascases es of of sevsevere ere trautrauma, ma, DisDissocsociatiiative ve IdeIdentintity ty DisDisordorder er (DID(DID) ) whiwhich ch isis sometimes also referred to as multiple personality.

sometimes also referred to as multiple personality.

The same attachment needs apply for people who have a history of severe The same attachment needs apply for people who have a history of severe trauma. Judith Herman (1992) proposes that people who have experienced trauma. Judith Herman (1992) proposes that people who have experienced pr

prololonongeged d anand d exextrtreme eme trtrauauma ma ofofteten n susuffffer er frofrom m whwhat at shshe e dedescscriribebes s asas com

compleplex x trautraumatmatic ic strstressess. . She She ideidentintifies the fies the crecreatiation on of of safsafety ety as as the the firsfirstt requirement for people who are to be treated for such traumatic disorders. In requirement for people who are to be treated for such traumatic disorders. In other words they need a secure base, and of course in some instances where other words they need a secure base, and of course in some instances where th

therere e hahas s bebeen en sesevevere re trtrauauma ma ththis is mimighght t on on ococcacasisionons s ininvovolvlve e mamakikingng av

availailablable e the the sansanctuctuary ary of of a a spspeciecialialist st psypsychichiatratric ic uniunit. t. UnfUnfortuortunatnately ely thethe experience of many survivors of such trauma is of periods of hospitalisation experience of many survivors of such trauma is of periods of hospitalisation wh

where ere mismisdiadiagnognosis sis and and inainapprppropropriate iate tretreatmatment ent of of thetheir ir cocondinditiotion n has has lefleftt them with a deep mistrust of the mental health system.

them with a deep mistrust of the mental health system. In

In AtAttactachmhmenent-bt-basased ed pspsycychohothetherarapypy, , exexpeperirienencicing ng a a sesecucure re babase se alalsoso involves having a therapist who is what psychoanalyst and author Alice Miller involves having a therapist who is what psychoanalyst and author Alice Miller (1989) described as an enlightened witness. This is someone who will listen (1989) described as an enlightened witness. This is someone who will listen to

to anand d vavalilidadate te ththe e pepersrsonon’s ’s ststorory y of of thetheir ir chchilildhdhooood. d. ThThis is is is papartrticicululararlyly imp

importortant ant whwhere ere thethere re has been has been abuabuse se and traumand trauma, a, and where as and where as BowBowlbylby said, a child’s thoughts and feelings have been ‘disconfirmed’ by caregivers said, a child’s thoughts and feelings have been ‘disconfirmed’ by caregivers who are unable to acknowledge the pain and hurt that their actions may have who are unable to acknowledge the pain and hurt that their actions may have caused or their unresponsiveness may have exacerbated.

caused or their unresponsiveness may have exacerbated. As

As one one person person put put it:it:

‘I found that my therapy was so important because it was the one place where ‘I found that my therapy was so important because it was the one place where I could talk about how I felt about my past and know that my feelings would be I could talk about how I felt about my past and know that my feelings would be completely understood. If spoke to close friends, for example, and told them completely understood. If spoke to close friends, for example, and told them how angry I felt with my father and the way in which I had been treated all my how angry I felt with my father and the way in which I had been treated all my life they wouldn’t understand why I was still so angry. They would say that I life they wouldn’t understand why I was still so angry. They would say that I should put it all behind me and make efforts to mend the rift with my father, should put it all behind me and make efforts to mend the rift with my father, but I wasn’t ready to do that. In fact I didn’t, and still don’t see that the onus is but I wasn’t ready to do that. In fact I didn’t, and still don’t see that the onus is upon me to do this. My therapist was the one person that I could speak to who upon me to do this. My therapist was the one person that I could speak to who didn’t make me feel that I was making a fuss about nothing and who allowed didn’t make me feel that I was making a fuss about nothing and who allowed me to express how hurt I felt without being judgmental about it. Therapy was me to express how hurt I felt without being judgmental about it. Therapy was the only space that I had and without it I don’t think that I could have managed the only space that I had and without it I don’t think that I could have managed

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of psychotherapy. This is an important point to emphasise because very often of psychotherapy. This is an important point to emphasise because very often people who start therapy have never had the opportunity, or have never been people who start therapy have never had the opportunity, or have never been given permission to grieve, and so they have minimised its importance.

given permission to grieve, and so they have minimised its importance. Apart

Apart from from providing providing the the client client with with a a secure secure base, base, Bowlby Bowlby (1988) (1988) identifiedidentified additional tasks to be addressed in therapy, which involve assisting a person additional tasks to be addressed in therapy, which involve assisting a person to

to exexplplorore e ththe e waway y in in whwhicich h thethey y enengagage ge in in rerelalatitiononshshipips s wiwith th sisigngnifiificacantnt figures in their current life. Clients should also be encouraged to consider how figures in their current life. Clients should also be encouraged to consider how their current feelings and expectations, perceptions and actions are influenced their current feelings and expectations, perceptions and actions are influenced by

by eveevents nts or or sitsituatuationions s thathat t tootook k plaplace ce durduring ing chichildhldhoodood. . TheThese se tastasks ks veveryry much involve helping a person to recognise and understand their own internal much involve helping a person to recognise and understand their own internal working models of Attachment, and to gain sufficient insight in order to be working models of Attachment, and to gain sufficient insight in order to be able to modify them.

able to modify them. A

A further further crucial crucial task task is is to to explore explore the the particular particular relationship relationship between between thethe the

theraprapist ist and the and the cliclientent. . ThiThis s is is a a key elemekey element nt wiwithin variothin various us modmodalialities of ties of psychotherapy, but from an Attachment perspective it involves making use of psychotherapy, but from an Attachment perspective it involves making use of the therapy relationship as means of providing a person with a modified and the therapy relationship as means of providing a person with a modified and mor

more e secsecure ure AttaAttachchmenment t exexperperienience. It ce. It is is aboabout ut enenablabling ing thethem m to to use theuse the therapy relationship to gain a glimpse of what is possible in terms of altered therapy relationship to gain a glimpse of what is possible in terms of altered Attachment

Attachment experiences, experiences, which which open open up up the the possibility possibility of of change change in in their their wider relationships.

wider relationships. A

A clinical clinical example example of of this this was was provided provided by by a a person person with with a a PreoccupiedPreoccupied Attachment

Attachment pattern pattern who who was was particularly particularly anxious anxious about about an an approaching approaching 33 w

weeeek k brbreaeak k in in ththererapapy y dudue e to to ththe e ththererapapisist’t’s s hoholilidaday y plplanans. s. ThThe e clclieientnt expressed a great deal of concern and anxiety about how he was going to expressed a great deal of concern and anxiety about how he was going to cope without his weekly psychotherapy sessions and in the weeks leading up cope without his weekly psychotherapy sessions and in the weeks leading up to

to ththe e brbreaeak k ththe e clclieient nt usused ed ththe e ssesessisionons s to to tatalk lk ababouout t hihis s fefear ar of of bebeiningg abandoned by the therapist.

abandoned by the therapist.

No amount of reassurance by the therapist about his intention to return and No amount of reassurance by the therapist about his intention to return and no

not t ababanandodon n ththe e clclieient coulnt could d alalleleviviate the fearate the fear. . AlAll l ththat he at he cocoululd d do wasdo was simply allow the client to express his anxiety and help him to understand it in simply allow the client to express his anxiety and help him to understand it in terms of his internal working model and past attachment experiences.

terms of his internal working model and past attachment experiences. As

As the the break break in in therapy therapy came came closer, closer, the the client client expressed expressed reluctance reluctance to to leaveleave at the end of sessions and the therapist, understanding the protest that this at the end of sessions and the therapist, understanding the protest that this rep

represresentented, ed, conconsissistetently ntly inteinterprrpreted eted the the clclienient’s t’s exexprepressission on of of anganger er andand re

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‘I notice how I am able to leave you here in this room between our therapy ‘I notice how I am able to leave you here in this room between our therapy ses

sessiosions. ns. In In my my prepreviovious us thetheraprapy y I I foufound nd mymyselself f to to be be conconstastantlntly y thithinkinking ng about my therapist at times when I was faced with situations that were difficult about my therapist at times when I was faced with situations that were difficult or worrying; it felt almost like an obsession in that I felt completely unable to or worrying; it felt almost like an obsession in that I felt completely unable to let go of her. Now, even though I still have worries, I don’t feel the same need let go of her. Now, even though I still have worries, I don’t feel the same need to hang on to you when I am not here’.

to hang on to you when I am not here’.

Given that Attachment behaviour is triggered by external and environmental Given that Attachment behaviour is triggered by external and environmental factors and that the response to this is to seek safety and re-assurance, there factors and that the response to this is to seek safety and re-assurance, there are times when people who could be considered to be securely attached can are times when people who could be considered to be securely attached can still find the secure base that attachment-based psychotherapy offers helpful. still find the secure base that attachment-based psychotherapy offers helpful. Such times might be when a person is dealing with a serious illness either in Such times might be when a person is dealing with a serious illness either in herself or in a close relationship, or when a close relationship is under threat herself or in a close relationship, or when a close relationship is under threat throug

through h some other form some other form of conflict or of conflict or sepaseparatioration.n. Attachment

Attachment theory theory not not only only provides provides a a means means of of understanding understanding and and workingworking w

witith h inindidivividudualals s in in ththererapapyy, , it it alalso so ofoffefers rs a a frframameweworork k fofor r hehelplpining g wwitithh difficulties within family and couple relationships.

difficulties within family and couple relationships. Jo

John hn ByByngng-H-Halall l (1(199991)1), , a a leleadadining g fifigugure re in in ththe e woworlrld d of of fafamimily ly ththererapapyy de

descscribribed ed hohow w in in ststabable le adadulult t atattactachmhmenent t rerelalatiotionsnshihips ps ththerere e is is whwhat at hehe referred to as a "complementary system" where, when there is a conflict of referred to as a "complementary system" where, when there is a conflict of interests in a relationship, it is handled by one person (usually the stronger) interests in a relationship, it is handled by one person (usually the stronger) giving way to the more vulnerable other's need for proximity or distance in a giving way to the more vulnerable other's need for proximity or distance in a

de-de-escescalaalating ting cycyclecle, , eveeven n thouthough gh the the demdemandands s whiwhich ch the the more more vulvulnernerablablee partner is making are unwelcome at the time.

partner is making are unwelcome at the time. By

Byngng-H-Halall l dedescscriribebed d a a prprococesess s of of didiststanance ce reregugulalatition on in in an an ununsstatablblee rel

relatiationsonship betwehip between en twtwo o peopeople (a ple (a dyadyad) d) whwhere ere thethere re is is whwhat at he he calcalls ls anan "ap

"approproach / ach / avoavoidaidancnce e conconflicflict". t". He He refreferrerred ed to to susuch ch relrelatioationsnshiphips s as as `to`tooo close / too far` systems. These systems represent anxious attachments and close / too far` systems. These systems represent anxious attachments and the nature of the care giving – care seeking relationships of the individuals the nature of the care giving – care seeking relationships of the individuals involved:

involved:

(In the relationship) "each sees the other as being as powerful, as (In the relationship) "each sees the other as being as powerful, as or more powerful than, the self. Each then feels compelled to take very or more powerful than, the self. Each then feels compelled to take very active measures to prevent the other from either approaching too close, active measures to prevent the other from either approaching too close, or deserting altogether. If this does not seem to work then even greater or deserting altogether. If this does not seem to work then even greater efforts, on each participant's part, are felt to be needed to prevent the efforts, on each participant's part, are felt to be needed to prevent the other from forcing an intolerable situation on an unwilling victim. There other from forcing an intolerable situation on an unwilling victim. There

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their own strategy of distancing from any potential personal anxiety. In other their own strategy of distancing from any potential personal anxiety. In other words, the dismissing partner finds it easier to focus upon the other person’s words, the dismissing partner finds it easier to focus upon the other person’s preoccupied anxieties, because it enables them to avoid their own. Such a preoccupied anxieties, because it enables them to avoid their own. Such a rel

relatiationsonship hip can can seeseem m to to worwork k fine fine untuntil il sosometmethinhing g haphappenpens s to to disdisturturb b thithiss eq

equiuililibrbriuium, m, ofofteten n in in ththe e forform m of of ilillnlnesess s or or lolossss. . ThiThis s inintetensnsifiifies es a a cycyclcle e of of approach and avoidance, and leads to an escalation of conflict as the partners approach and avoidance, and leads to an escalation of conflict as the partners struggle to maintain a too close / too far relationship.

struggle to maintain a too close / too far relationship. The diagra

The diagram in m in FigurFigure 1 e 1 demodemonstranstrates this procestes this process. s. It also illustraIt also illustrates what istes what is som

sometietimes mes seeseen n haphappenpening ing to to a a cliclientent’s ’s cloclosessest t AttAttachachmenment t relrelatiationsonship hip asas they work through issues in therapy and experience increased dependency they work through issues in therapy and experience increased dependency needs through activation of the mourning process. I think that it is sometimes needs through activation of the mourning process. I think that it is sometimes important to point out to people who are planning to engage in therapy that important to point out to people who are planning to engage in therapy that the process which they are proposing to embark upon can seriously alter their the process which they are proposing to embark upon can seriously alter their anxious attachment relationships.

anxious attachment relationships.

Figure 1 Figure 1 Partner A Partner A Preoccupied Preoccupied Partner B Partner B Dismissing Dismissing equilibrium

equilibrium _{Focus upon partner}_{Focus upon partner}’’_{s dependency}_{s dependency}

accommodates the need for distancing accommodates the need for distancing from any potential personal anxiety from any potential personal anxiety

Withdraws and becomes more distant Withdraws and becomes more distant as a means of avoiding feelings of increased as a means of avoiding feelings of increased

personal anxiety personal anxiety

Threatens abandonment of the relationship Threatens abandonment of the relationship but appears unable to carry out the threat but appears unable to carry out the threat

Re-establishes the distances needed for the Re-establishes the distances needed for the

relationship to feel less threatening and relationship to feel less threatening and

anxiety provoking anxiety provoking

Reduces / avoids anxiety provoking Reduces / avoids anxiety provoking stress in the relationship by focusing upon stress in the relationship by focusing upon

partner

partner ’’_s_s ‘ ‘_illness_illness’’_{and need for therapy /}_{and need for therapy /}

psychiatric help psychiatric help

Trauma Trauma

Baseline feelings of dependency Baseline feelings of dependency

are contained by partner are contained by partner ’’_s_s ‘‘_supportive_supportive’’_{response within the}_{response within the}

relationship relationship

Increased level of anxiety Increased level of anxiety leads to increased feelings of leads to increased feelings of dependency towards partner dependency towards partner

Reacts to partner

Reacts to partner ’’_{s withdrawal}_{s withdrawal}

by becoming increasingly angry by becoming increasingly angry

and anxious and anxious

Reacts by trying to control own Reacts by trying to control own anxious, clinging behaviour in order anxious, clinging behaviour in order

in order to save the relationship in order to save the relationship

Feeling of being abandoned by Feeling of being abandoned by

partner leads to increased partner leads to increased anxiety

anxiety – – _{seeks outside help}_{seeks outside help}

for anxiety and depression for anxiety and depression

pursue pursue withdraw withdraw attack attack defend defend placate placate withdraw

withdraw blameblame

dismiss

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Suc

Such h emoemotiotional nal resrespoponsenses s migmight ht invinvolvolve e anganger er or or rejrejectection ion or or disdistanctancinging,, wh

whicich h cacan n prprododucuce e sisimimilalar r cocoununter ter rerespspononseses s in in ththe e othother er papartrtnener. r. ThThee sec

secondondary ary emoemotiotion n wouwould ld be be the the uneunexprxpresessedsed, , undunderlerlyiying ng one one and and oftoftenen repre

represents the sents the fear, vulnerabfear, vulnerability or ility or feeling of feeling of helplhelplessnessness that ess that is is experexperienceiencedd wh

when en fafaceced d wiwith th ananototheher’r’s s atattatachchmenment t neneededs, s, or or whwhen en onone’e’s s owown n neneededss remain unmet. Secondary emotions are usually the very ones that generate a remain unmet. Secondary emotions are usually the very ones that generate a need for secure attachment.

need for secure attachment.

Sometimes couple’s relationships deteriorate through critical moments when Sometimes couple’s relationships deteriorate through critical moments when th

therere e hahas s bbeeeen n a a fafaililurure e of of onone e papartrtnner er to to reresspoponnd d adadeqequuatatelely y to to ththee attachment needs of the other, and although these moments are important, attachment needs of the other, and although these moments are important, the emphasis in EFT is to move from the content of those moments to an the emphasis in EFT is to move from the content of those moments to an unde

understanrstanding ding of of thethe process process that that taktakes es plaplace ce whewhen n attattachachmenment t neeneeds ds areare expressed within the couple’s relationship.

expressed within the couple’s relationship.

Once the process and the secondary emotions are understood it is possible Once the process and the secondary emotions are understood it is possible for a couple use this new understanding to reshape the way in which they for a couple use this new understanding to reshape the way in which they relate to one another. Thus for example, once a partner’s dismissing, anxious relate to one another. Thus for example, once a partner’s dismissing, anxious or

or anangrgry y bebehahaviviouour r cacan n be be unundedersrstotood od by by boboth th papartrtieies s to to rereprpresesenent t anan expression of an underlying sense of helplessness or fearfulness, it becomes expression of an underlying sense of helplessness or fearfulness, it becomes more possible to find new ways of expressing and responding to the couple’s more possible to find new ways of expressing and responding to the couple’s attachment needs.

attachment needs.

Johnson suggests that trauma survivors who have a close relationship with a Johnson suggests that trauma survivors who have a close relationship with a partner can greatly benefit from couple work to improve their secure base. partner can greatly benefit from couple work to improve their secure base. She points out that very often, where a close relationship exists, it is the arena She points out that very often, where a close relationship exists, it is the arena within which repetitions of the trauma are played out, and it is also a primary within which repetitions of the trauma are played out, and it is also a primary focus for any potential change in terms of attachment experience:

focus for any potential change in terms of attachment experience: “a

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increasingly important influence upon the way in which people can be helped increasingly important influence upon the way in which people can be helped by psychotherapy.

by psychotherapy. Attachment

Attachment theory theory is is something something that that most most people people can can readily readily identify identify with with andand understand because it has relevance to everybody’s life story - from the way understand because it has relevance to everybody’s life story - from the way which in we form relationships in our early years, through to how we choose which in we form relationships in our early years, through to how we choose and handle our close relationships in adulthood.

and handle our close relationships in adulthood. When

When we we ourseourselves become lves become parenparents, ts, our our prevprevious attachment experienious attachment experiencesces have a great influence upon how we are able to relate to and nurture our have a great influence upon how we are able to relate to and nurture our children. Even in later years, attachment needs are important as we adjust to children. Even in later years, attachment needs are important as we adjust to the changes and losses that are an integral part of the process of aging.

the changes and losses that are an integral part of the process of aging.

The stories that people bring to therapy are often about attachments that have The stories that people bring to therapy are often about attachments that have failed or gone wrong. This is why, in the world of psychotherapy, attachment failed or gone wrong. This is why, in the world of psychotherapy, attachment theory and research is continuing to gain increasing importance. It is a theory theory and research is continuing to gain increasing importance. It is a theory that helps our understanding of a fundamental human need that persists right that helps our understanding of a fundamental human need that persists right across the life cycle – literally from cradle to grave.

across the life cycle – literally from cradle to grave.

References References Ain

Ainsworsworth, th, M.DM.D.S..S., , BleBleharhar,M.,M., , WatWatersers,E.,E.& & WallWall,S.,S. (1978) (1978) Pat Patterterns ns of of Attachment:

Attachment: A A psychological Study psychological Study of of the the Strange Strange Situation.Situation. Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum