Erotic-Mastery.pdf

The Grant Adams Trainings

Erotic Mastery

Training Manual

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The Grant Adams Trainings

Erotic Mastery

Teleseminar Transcript

Session 1 with David Shade

"Erotic Mastery Through Attitude,

Touch and Speech "

Limits of Liability & Disclaimer of Warranty

This document is for entertainment purposes only. The author, publisher, and participants are giving no specific instruction or medical, psychological, or behavioral advice. No one connected with this document is a doctor, attorney, or mental health professional. Before engaging in any activity that is risky to yourself or another person, please consult an appropriate professional for advice. Grant Adams, N2B Partners, and its principals are in no way responsible for your behavior. If this is not agreeable to you, please do not read any further.

The author and publisher of this ebook and the associated materials have used their best efforts in preparing this material. The author and publisher make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy, applicability, fitness, or completeness of the contents of this material. They disclaim any warranties expressed or implied, merchantability, or fitness for any particular purpose. The author and publisher shall in no event be held liable for any loss or other damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.

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Transcript

Grant Adams (Grant): Hey, welcome everybody. Welcome to our first session

of Erotic Mastery. We are starting with a real erotic master. I’m really honored and grateful that he’s joined us tonight. He’s one of the best.

I’ll introduce him more fully in a second. I want to go through a little bit of business first.

Some people asked why did I put this course together, and the answer is kind of a ‘duh,’ because my feeling is that almost every man really wants to be a better lover. Everybody wants to be that god in bed that women want more and more of.

So on one level it’s kind of ‘duh,’ but there’s a little more story here.

Those of you who know me and know my story, I got divorced about 5-6 years ago and really thrown out into the world and really set about to educate myself on how to be extremely successful with women because I wanted that a lot. And I managed to do that, and then last year I went to the Cliff’s list conference in Montreal and I saw David Shade, who’s our guest today, speak. And it was a like big ‘aha!’ moment. It was like, “Wow, this guy has really thought deeply about men and women and particularly in the world of sexuality,” and that sort of opened up something else for me.

I also met Steve Picketts, who we’ll be speaking to later on in this series. Both of them, by the way, are mentioned in the book, The Game, by Neil Strauss, and really kind of opened up sort of a professional approach to sex.

I had gone out and bought the sort of standard books, the Margot Anand and other books about erotic mastery. But these guys reach an edge that’s way beyond a lot of the stuff in popular books.

The other that happened is I spent a lot of time in San Francisco this year, as David has also, he also is familiar with a lot of what’s going on out there. There’s some really interesting communities that are doing some very edgy sexual learning, so we’ve both done some of that.

And the other element of the last year, those of you who know me and follow TheCompleteAttractor.com is I’ve gotten very deeply into the work of David Deida and a man named Satyen Raja, who will be one of our last teachers in this series.

What they teach is very much similar to what David teaches, but with a different angle. They come from a very very deep sort of spiritual tradition, not that David isn’t spiritual at all, but very very deep sexuality and sort of what’s the deep

" When you lead

a woman, you are

responsible for

her.”

."

spiritual communion when you can get a woman to really surrender in the ways that David really is an expert at.

So that’s sort of my background why I wanted to do this course.

The quote that I want to start with, and I like to always start with a quote, I pulled from David’s work because it says so much. He says,

“When you lead a woman, you are responsible for her.” And what I love about that quote is a few things –

“When you lead a woman…” – I want to focus on the word ‘woman.’ It’s in the singular. David’s going to say a few words about that and trust.

And he talks about responsibility. The level of sexual skill that David teaches and the kind of sexual abandon that is required from women really does require some responsibility from us as guys. So I want you to keep that in mind as we go.

Now a little bit of business about the call. At the end of the call we’re going to open up for questions and answers and I’m going to ask you four questions now that we’ll get back to later, kind of for you to think about while you’re listening. This is useful for me because it’s good feedback on how to get you the

information you really signed up to get, to make sure we get it on this call and the next calls, but it also helps you listen more actively.

So these are the questions. You don’t have to write them down but just think about these.

1. Listening tonight, what’s the single most important thing you’ve heard

and why?

2. What’s one shift you’re going to make in your life, and I always

emphasize action. This isn’t just about learning to keep it in your head. So what’s a shift you’re going to make in your life as a result of

listening to David tonight?

3. This is important. What have we touched on that you want to learn

more about in the rest of the calls? We’re going to cover a lot of

ground, so if there’s anything left unsaid or that you’re interested in, let me know.

4. For someone who’s on the fence about this stuff, I mean you guys

what would you say to somebody else about how this kind of learning could improve their life?

So those are four questions I want you to keep kind of in the back of your mind. Now, if you haven’t already, there’s a hands-on worksheet that you can follow the structure of the call. It’s at http://www.EroticMastery.com/members and there’s a worksheet you can follow. The password for this week is command. So now we can get started. Let me introduce David.

David Shade is an icon in the worldwide seduction community, and it’s not for anything flashy or showy, but really because he has a rock-solid understanding of women. He’s put a lot of work into this. He is a very prodigious thinker and he has a great sort of understated mastery of how to unlock women’s fantasy life. He’s the author of a couple of e-books, one of which is The Secrets of Female

Sexuality. The other, possibly my favorite title of any book ever, Give Women Wild Screaming Orgasms. And we’re really privileged to have David here today.

David, are you out there?

David Shade (David): Hello Grant. How are you?

Grant: I’m very very good, I’m very happy to have you here.

Now again, before we get started, part of David’s integrity is to take

responsibility for the kinds of things he teaches, because he certainly takes men and women into places of abandon.

So David, did you want to say something about that?

David: Yeah, let me get into a little legalese. But first of all I want to say, Grant,

thank you very much for asking me to speak with you, and I appreciate

everybody’s interest. A lot of people gathered for this call and I really appreciate everybody’s interest.

Let me go over a little legalese. I am not a doctor or a lawyer. I cannot give medical or legal advice. Also I am not going to tell you what to do. You are responsible for your own actions.

I will simply share my personal experiences and beliefs. From a legalese standpoint, simply consider my talk as personal entertainment.

And I can springboard off of that and say that being responsible for your own actions is the first step towards being a man.

Grant: Thank you. I hope everyone gets that. That’s very important. And the

same for me. Obviously I’m not a doctor or a psychologist. This is a learning process.

We have kind of a similar story. We were both married for a long time to very beautiful wives. David is very open about the fact that his beautiful wife who he was very happy with left for a bad boy, just a guy who had this crazy kind of edge.

Rather than folding up and collapsing like a lot of guys would, you really set your mind on figuring out why he was attractive and what he had that you could master yourself.

So you have a really interesting history. You ran a telephone line. Would you say one very quick word about how you got into exciting women over the telephone?

David: Yeah, after my divorce, just like you I felt very defeated and alone, but at

the time I had custody of my two small children. I know you also have two sons. Because I had to put them to bed at 9:00 at night, I was stuck at home, so I turned to the telephone.

I answered online ads where you would communicate by telephone. I’d call a 900 number and leave a message and she would call me back. So I would talk to these women over the phone and learn some fascinating things by first building rapport, building an emotional connection, yada yada.

Because I was stuck at home I thought, “Well, maybe I could turn this into sexual experiences.” Believe it or not, 80% of these women who called who were

educated professional women would have phone sex with me.

So I learned a lot about women. I’ve always been fascinated by women and I became hungry to learn more.

Grant: And two of the principles that we’re going to get into a little bit later…one

is something that you teach and it’s a wonderful thing for men to know, that women are highly sexual creatures, often much more than guys, although the culture doesn’t teach that.

And second is the power of words. I love what you teach about the power of words.

I owe a lot to David, so by the way, thank you.

David: Well, thank you! I consider that a compliment coming from you, Grant. Grant: Thank you very much. And there’s a woman out there who’s also very

Now, to get started I would like to talk about some key foundations. I don’t want to spend a lot of time on the foundations, but one thing I love about your work, David, is you are so grounded in integrity and responsibility, and at the same time go into some really deep wild edgy stuff with women. I want men to

understand that you can really only go there if you’re grounded in a certain kind of integrity.

There are seven foundations that we’ve discussed earlier that I want to go through, that you find essential to really allow women to abandon themselves to the leadership of a man during sex, which is generally what women want and generally what men want, but often, as in my case earlier in my life, didn’t really have the courage or knowledge to do.

So the first foundation has to do with women’s self-esteem. I find, and I’m sure you find, that a lot of sort of pick-up stuff that goes on in the world really kind of leeches onto low esteem women.

You say very clearly in your work that this is about women with high self-esteem. So how do you teach guys to get out of going after that low self-esteem women mindset?

David: You mentioned in my introduction that my wife left me for a bad boy, and

you asked “Why was he attractive?” and I can tell you why. I figured it out later and it’s because she had low self-esteem. I didn’t know anything about that when I got married. I figured it out later.

I treated her like a queen, without being a wimp, and she honestly did not believe that she deserved it because she had a low self-esteem. She did not believe that she deserved to be treated well. And thus she sabotaged it and she found a bad boy who would treat her poorly. That’s why he was attractive. You mentioned another thing and that is the pick-up community. Because I was fascinated by women and hungry to learn more, I thought, “Well, none of the guys at work could care less.” They were idiots when it comes to that, so I thought, “Well, maybe I can find some friends on the internet.”

So I did a search on the word ‘seduction’ and I found the seduction community and I thought “Man, these are guys who love women as much as I do,” so I started posting in the seduction community, but it didn’t have so much to do about pick-up. It had to do with what you do once you get the woman, and understanding women more.

The first thing I had to do after my divorce is I assumed responsibility for my lot in life. I assumed responsibility for what happened to me. I had to figure it out. I read tons of books, hundreds of books, and I realized that a lot of it had to do with a woman’s self-esteem, so I tried to figure out how do I find out if a woman has a good self-esteem?

I came to realize that the women I’d met through my phone line experience -- on the weekends I’d get a babysitter and go out with them and found out that

women who had high self-esteem were much more sexually responsive. There were many many advantages to them having high self-esteem. I was finding that I was having no luck with women with low self-esteem because I would treat a woman like a gentleman.

Now, to touch upon this pick-up thing about how men take advantage of a woman’s low esteem, that would be men who themselves have low self-esteem.

It’s very easy to pick up a woman with low self-esteem. All you have to do is play to that by making her self-conscious, making her doubt herself, and making it obvious to her that you do not approve of her, which makes her thirst for you even more. Why? Because women with low self-esteem

probably did not have a good relationship with their own father.

Their own father was condescending to her or absent or vanished, and the way that women are

raised by their fathers, the way that they’re treated by their fathers, they grow up to look for men who treat them the same way.

So all you have to do is make her self-conscious, make her self-doubt, and she will be very attracted to you. So that’s feeding into the vulnerabilities of a

woman. And that works! But it’s not rewarding.

Instead I’m interested in empowering a woman who wants to be treated well.

Grant: That’s exactly what I wanted to get to. I love how you talk about this. The

difference between taking advantage of a woman with low self-esteem and empowering a woman who already has self-esteem and empowering her further, and how the sex there is going to be something just way beyond what you’d get otherwise.

David: Oh, with high self-esteem women it’s mind blowing. Grant: Good. Alright, so that’s point one.

The second point, and these again are foundations of a really powerful sexual experience, is you talk about the difference between one-night stands and what’s possible for ongoing sexual relationships.

I think that’s really interesting, so do you want to draw that distinction?

"Women who had

high self-esteem

were much more

sexually

David: Yeah. You and I talked a couple times on the phone before tonight. And

by the way, if I miss any points, just say, “Hey David, I wanted you to talk about such and such.”

Alright, one night stands, like when I said on the phone I don’t teach seduction, and the kind of stuff that I get into isn’t going to help on a one-night stand. There’s not a whole lot you can do the first night, and certainly if guys are interested in only one-night stands there’s not much I can teach them.

The stuff that I teach is if you intend to see a woman on an ongoing basis --it doesn’t mean it has to be exclusive, but if it’s exclusive there’s certain things you can do – but if you’re interested in seeing a woman on an ongoing basis and really open up the potential of her sexuality, that’s the kind of stuff I really get into.

Grant: Ok, so opening up her sexuality is something that’s going to happen

really over time. It’s not going to happen in one night.

The third foundation has to do with responsibility. I mentioned that earlier, that when you lead a woman into sexual abandon you’re responsible for her, so we’re going to leave that at that right now. We can talk about that perhaps a little later.

The fourth is about actually liking women. Do you want to say something about that? This is a very important mindset obviously.

David: Yeah, this is only going to work if you genuinely like women. We’re all

attracted to women, but do you genuinely like women?

Now there’s a lot of guys who are angry at women because their wife divorced them or the girl who wouldn’t go to the prom with them in high school or girls made fun of them. It’s not women. There’s nothing to be angry with and don’t blame other people.

So it’s not going to work unless you genuinely like women. In fact, it works when you genuinely believe in women. And it took me some time to genuinely

understand women to the point where I really believed in them and I understand them.

Only then, only when you adore everything that defines a woman as a woman, only then can you be truly successful. And it’s the guys who are fascinated by women who are really successful with this stuff.

Grant: I coined a term called ‘the adorable pathetic,’ which is the things that we

find pathetic about women because they don’t do what we do so easily we should adore them for. And the same goes for women about us, rather than trying to expect them to be like us, so with this positioning of adoration a woman really feels that and it allows her to abandon herself a little more.

The other aspect to that is the fifth foundation, which is trust. This was amazing, because David, I have to say when I went through all your work, you really found that if you’re going to get a woman to a wild screaming orgasm, you start out by saying you have to earn her trust by being a man of your word at all times, which is not what I expected when I opened up a book about wild screaming orgasms. Do you want to say something about that?

David: Yeah, that’s what’s going to cause the wild screaming orgasms.

Remember, this is on an ongoing basis. I’m teaching guys what are all the things that you have to do in order to give women wild screaming orgasms?

First of all, she has to be able to trust you. Scientists have found that to have an orgasm, the parts of a woman’s mind that have to do with fear and anxiety have to be turned off, and that’s only going to happen when she fully feels that she trusts you.

Again, it goes back to responsibility. Most women are sexually submissive. They were raised to not want to be sexually active, yet they do internally, but socially they aren’t supposed to so they cannot initiate. Instead, they can only respond. If she initiates anything, she assumes the responsibility for what happens, but if you initiate, if you lead her, you assume the responsibility. Responsibility is also important because this stuff is extremely powerful. You must be very careful who you choose to do this on, and while you do this

you are responsible for her because the idea is to get her to become naked to you in every single way.

Quoting an ex-girlfriend of mine, she said, “David, I feel naked to you in every way.” That’s golden! And in order to do that she has to trust me. That’s where you’ve got to start.

Grant: I want to ratchet that up one more step,

because I’m going to skip the sixth, but in your seventh foundation you talk about the idea of commanding respect, and this is fascinating.

I think everyone on the call needs to understand the difference between earning respect, which is sort of a common desexualized non-polarized kind of attitude toward respect. It’s something you do in your everyday life. But you talk about commanding respect.

I definitely want you to set this up with your notion of command, because it sounds so un-PC in the popular world. But can you say something about what you mean about commanding respect versus earning respect?

David: Well, to command respect you have to take the steps to earn respect.

When people hear ‘command respect,’ they may hear ‘commanding’ or

…the idea is to get

her to be naked to

you in every single

way."

‘demanding.’ That is not going to command respect. That is not even going to earn respect.

And there are a number of people who gain respect through intimidation, but that’s not going to work.

To command respect you do first have to earn respect. Now to command respect, you embody all of the components of respect.

1. You respect yourself.

2. You treat others with respect, including her.

3. You demand that people treat you with respect. Only associate with

people who treat you with respect.

By that, you command respect. Respect is extremely important if you want to give women wild screaming orgasms, because she is not going to have wild screaming orgasms unless she takes what you say deadly seriously.

Only when she takes what you say seriously is she going to respond to you. In order for her to take what you say seriously, she has to respect you.

Grant: That’s really crucial, and a little bit later we’re going to get to the idea of

orgasm on command, so what you’re saying about command and taking what you say seriously isn’t just a general concept. You’re talking about very

specifically when you command a woman during sex to do something, to have a certain response. If she doesn’t take you seriously it’s not going to work.

So we’re going to get to that. I don’t want to jump that far quite yet. We’re going to work our way up to sex, but we will get there.

Before we get there, I want to talk about confidence, because an aspect

obviously of commanding respect is self-confidence. One of the things that a lot of guys, certainly me when I got divorced, you when you got divorced, we had a problem with self-confidence.

It can come from having a crappy job and not really feeling in control of your life. It can come from a lot of places. What do you see? You have a very large

community worldwide.

What do you see that men tell themselves that’s holding them back from being the kind of man that women are really attracted to sexually and are willing to abandon themselves to.

What are guys telling themselves that’s wrong, and then how do you counsel them out of that?

David: You mentioned a lot of stuff there. Let me start with the self-confidence.

It’s easy to tell guys, “Hey, get self confident!” It’s easy, but that doesn’t just happen. You don’t just say, “Ok, I’m going to be self-confident.” That just doesn’t happen.

I don’t use the term self-confidence. What I do work on, and it was work, I worked on it, and that is first you assume responsibility for your own lot in life. Only when you assume responsibility can you do anything about it.

Secondly, don’t be a victim. If you blame other people, you’re a victim. Instead, assume responsibility. In order to do anything about it, that means you have to believe in yourself. So you have to believe in yourself, absolutely.

And you do that by doing things, proving things to yourself. You go out there and, as Dr. Paul says, you ‘do courage.’ You go out there and you do it. You know what you have to do. You know that you have fear, but you know you have to do it. You go and you do it.

And most of the time you will find that you are successful. That builds self-esteem, which others would call self-confidence. Believe in yourself and go out there and do it.

Grant: You know, I have to say, it’s something that used to fall on deaf ears for

me a little bit when people said, “Just take action and the universe will follow.” It’s so damn true.

I’ll give a parallel. When I first started dating and I went online, and you know my story. I’m pretty good at being able to communicate online, and all the sudden all these women were coming at me. It definitely changed my self-confidence. So I just took steps and what did you say? Do courage? Is that what you said?

David: Yeah, that’s what Dr. Paul says. I found those words after I’d done it.

You know what, my self-confidence, to use your term, was so low. I mean after my divorce I was saying, “Oh my god, I’m a loser.” And I had to start from the bottom.

You know the first thing I did? I had to find out why am I worthy? And you know what I did, I finally realized, “You know what, when my parents had sex, there were more than a million sperm and I’m the one that won.”

All of a sudden, I’m one in a million. I’m a winner! That’s how low I had to start, and I crawled up from there, proving myself a little step at a time to myself.

Grant: From the base up, that’s great. And anyone listening, anyone who’s

been in any situation like ours or has any self-confidence, know that I had the exact same…I didn’t go back to sperm, but I honestly thought no one would ever date me. I thought I was a total failure in life when that happened.

So no matter where you are in life, don’t stress it. I think what you’re saying is absolutely essential. Take responsibility and just take action, and self-confidence follows through testing, not through mind tricks, mind games, mind practices. Meditation helps, but it’s really what you do. Just do it and do it and success will come.

David: Let me say something to that, Grant. You and I as teachers helping

other guys, we say “Go do these things,” and guys need to do these things. We can’t give them a magic bullet. They can’t send us a check and voila instantly women are attracted to them. They have to do it.

But you and I have been through these things and we figured it out and we can help other guys, but they have to do it, which means they have to believe enough in themselves to take these things a step at a time and do them.

Grant: Absolutely. Let’s move forward now, especially as we’re talking about

actually doing it. We’re going to talk about moving toward the sexual moment. We’re not going to talk about pick-up, and there’s lots of good material out there and actually a lot of bad material too, but there’s a lot of good material.

But let’s say a guy meets a woman. You’re in a café, you’re in a bar, I don’t know where you are, you met her online, and you like each other. You’re beginning to sense that this may go somewhere.

You talk about how to read the signs that women are interested sexually in a guy, and a lot of guys actually asked me about this.

I sent them a survey. A lot of guys aren’t sure and they’re kind of afraid that if they make a move and she’s not there, that they’re going to be humiliated or she’s going to be angry or they’re going to end up in jail as a rapist.

What do you have to say about that moment of testing, of moving from a non-sexual kind of attraction to a non-sexual moment?

David: Ok, that’s a mouthful. Now, sexual moments. Read signs that they’re

sexually interested. Now that touches back on the point that you were just at, which is men’s self-talk.

That’s so true. Men have a lot of self-talk which is self-defeating. They think about all the things that could go wrong. Let me answer both of these questions at the same time, and that is first take these fundamental beliefs that women like sex a lot, probably more than men. I’ve found that they do.

Women are highly sexual creatures. Women want to be in an exciting sexual relationship. When a woman is at the bar with her girlfriends and a man comes up and starts to talk to her, the first thing she says, “Oh god, what is this guy going to say?”

What she really wants is “I want this guy to be a guy who gives me loud

screaming orgasms.” That what she dreams about. That’s not what she thinks about at the moment, but men need to understand that women want a man who will lead them.

Now, how do you read the signs that they’re sexually interested? You don’t know. First of all, the guys that I know in the community who are very successful, I mean I know the guys who are successful. Those guys have two things in

common.

1. They are excellent with rapport. They’re social creatures. They can have rapport with people of both genders and they can have very good rapport with women. 2. They’re comfortable with a woman’s

sexuality. That requires that they’re comfortable with their own sexuality, they didn’t have a bunch of dirt growing up.

Given that, the ability to have rapport and being comfortable with women’s sexuality, how can you read the signs? You may not be able to. You don’t know what’s going on in her mind, but if you change your beliefs and believe that women want to be in an exciting sexual relationship, just assume that she wants to have sex.

Now, given that, you can still be a gentleman. You can build rapport, you can move things along, and you can very likely, very slowly, a baby step at a time, lead her.

All she has to do is follow. If you lead very slowly, very easily, especially at first, and she follows, keep going. There you go.

Grant: And one of the things you say, which is true, I can attest to with my own

experience, when you ask “Can I kiss you?” you kind of lose that leadership role.

David: You and I talked about that on the phone. There are a lot of techniques

out there to ask, and that’s fine. They work. I would not necessarily recommend that. There are specific situations where it is appropriate and the best thing to do, but overall simply assume that she wants to follow and you lead.

You can’t lead if you’re asking. The problem with asking is it makes her

responsible for what happens sexually. Now if you lead, she can still be a proper lady and still be a ruthlessly expressive sexual creature. If you lead a little bit at a time and you’ll know that she’s ready, if she does not object.

"

What she really

wants is ‘I want this

guy to be a guy who

gives me loud

screaming orgasms.’

That what she dreams

about.”

A woman will not necessarily say, “Oh, ok, I’ll do that.” She won’t articulate it, but she won’t object. If you take it very slow, if you are respectful and you build upon the rapport that you’ve established, you slowly lead her a baby step at a time and, like you and I talked about on the phone the other day, there is nothing more natural than a man and a woman getting together.

That’s what we were made to do. Let nature take its course, while allowing her to be a sexually submissive creature. Slowly lead her a step at a time to the natural outcome.

Grant: I think one of the destructive ideas that I’ve come across is you have to

make it happen. If you learn these techniques it’ll work with every woman every time. It’s not true for anybody and it also puts so much pressure on the individual evening and the individual person that a guy could feel like a failure if it doesn’t work.

If a woman resists, it’s not so much about overcoming resistance. You have to know there are other women in the world, correct?

David: Alright, let me talk about that. A lot of guys talk about last-minute

resistance. To tell you the truth, I hope I get it. If it’s a woman that I met that night…

Here’s the problem. A lot of guys are out to do this and that’s fine. They want to get laid the night they meet a woman, and that’s fine. We all go through that phase where we’ve got to do that and that’s fine.

Now I’m interested in the long-term. Here’s the problem. If you meet a woman that night and take her home and she has intercourse with you, she already knows she’ll never see you again.

It’s what I call the one-night stand clause. Now there are exceptions to it, but generally if a woman sleeps with a man the first night she meets him, she will not see him again.

And women do that. I know women who regularly engage in that. Fine, good for them, and there’s plenty of guys who will play that game.

Now if you’re interested in the long term, if you meet a woman and things

progress that night, if you want to see her long term you better hope she objects to intercourse, because that means…

First of all, if a woman has intercourse with a man the first night she meets him, she has already made the conscious decision that he is not good enough for a relationship. He’s only good for a one-night stand.

He’s not Mr. Right. He’s only Mr. Right Now. She has already made the conscious decision to have less respect for him.

Grant: Wow! I have to say that really flips a lot of the popular conception about

what success is with women. I love that you said that.

David: Well, it depends on what your idea of success is. Do you want to be the

bumblebee going from flower to flower? Or do you want to have a very powerful effect over women?

Or if you want to have one extremely exciting relationship with one woman, you have to see the long term and you have to be patient and you have to hope for last-minute resistance the first night.

You can use that, you can leverage that, the next time you see her to make it even more powerful.

Grant: I love how you said that, David. Let me follow up with another question.

Before we get to the really edgy stuff, which we’re about to get to, you have this amazing principle that you can create the conditions for sex so that a woman feels like it’s just happened, like it just spontaneously happened.

Then when she goes to work the next day she’s going to tell her girlfriends, “Oh my god, I had this amazing experience last night. We were just talking and talking and suddenly we were having amazing sex,” or “We’d gone out a couple of times and I didn’t expect it and it just happened.”

That is a great frame for surrender, so they don’t feel they’re being manipulated. Can you say a few words about that principle?

David: Yes. That’s a very important thing that I teach men. You need to set up

everything such that she can justify it later by just saying, “It just happened.” Monday morning she could go into work and tell her girlfriends at work, “Oh wow, it was really exciting. It just happened!” And they all sigh.

They love it. They know exactly what that means. That means that two people got swept away with passion and were overcome and blah blah blah.

Now when you are leading her, when you’re very slowly one step at a time escalating things, you never articulate it. You never say to her, “Ok, now let’s go into the bedroom and get sexual,” because for her to say yes or even to not object to something that blatant would mean that she assumes some

responsibility.

Instead, you want to slowly escalate things such that she can later say, “It just happened.” You slowly escalate and she simply follows, such that afterwards she can simply say she was swept away with passion.

It makes it sound like you were swept away, you were overcome with your attraction for her and you couldn’t help yourself and you were overcome with it.

And all this, of course, is done with consent, by slowly escalating things a little bit at a time.

Grant: You’re a master of words and you write in your work. By the way, we’ll

tell everyone how to get your newsletter at the end of the call. His newsletter is amazing, your newsletter is amazing. There’s so much information.

You talk about a ‘yes ladder’ and I think this is one of the most powerful

escalation tools. Would you give an example or explain what that is and how yo might deploy that?

David: Yeah, that’s just one of the many tricks in the hat. Let’s say that you and

she are in bed together and you want her to sequentially say yes to everything you say.

There’s an old saying among lawyers. A lawyer never asks a question in court that he does not already know the answer to. I would add to that a masterful lover never asks a question in the bedroom that he does not already know the answer to be yes.

Always ask questions that you know you’re going to get a yes. “Does this feel good?”

“Yes.”

“Do you like it when I do this?’ “Yes.”

“Do you this or that?” “Yes.”

Get her to say yes enough times and then you do something new that you haven’t done before and you say, “Do you like it when I do this?” or “Does this feel good?” “Yes.”

That’s used in sales a lot, right?

Grant: Of course. It’s a classic sales technique. But in classic sales they don’t

use voice as much, and I’ve heard some of your audio programs and it’s not just the words. It’s the way you say it.

There’s a breathiness, there’s a depth of voice. It has to do with also

commanding respect. Your voice can drop as you escalate the ladder, deeper and softer.

Grant: You’ve got a hell of a voice. David: I worked on it.

Grant: Yeah, and it’s important to know that your tonality, to really drop your

voice down into your chest, it has a huge impact. A lot of guys know that but they forget it in the moment.

David: Let me say one thing about voice. I tell

guys, “Your most important tool in the bedroom is not your tool, it’s your voice.”

Guys need to understand that, because to really bring out a woman’s sexual potential it’s mental and you drive that mental with the words that you say and the way you say them and the context in which you say them.

Grant: And you really need that kind of confidence inside so that your voice is

steady.

David: There’s that word confidence again. You know what, I think guys get

turned off by the word ‘confidence.’ I know I do. “Oh, just be confident.”

Instead, believe in women, believe in yourself. Believe that a woman wants to be sexually expressive but cannot initiate it.

You, however, in a consensual situation, you slowly lead her and you believe enough in yourself to be able to lead a woman a step at a time. You believe enough in yourself to do these things that I teach you to do.

Grant: That’s good. And there’s another way I would put confidence and that’s

directional. I think everyone has lack of confidence, but if you have a sense of direction and a sense of goal, I think you can get that steadiness of voice and purpose that women can really sense.

David: Yeah, that’s very true.

Grant: I want to ask you, you mentioned the ‘yes ladder’ was one of the arrows

in the quiver. Another you talk about is the power of possessive. I wonder if you can walk us through that also.

David: Yeah, very good. The power of possessive is very important. Like you

and I talked about on the phone the other day, the whole idea of a sexually submissive woman is you want to bring out her inner slut.

“Your most important

tool in the bedroom is

not your tool, it’s your

voice.”

Now women socially do not want to be sluts. They are socially ostracized to do that and most men do not find that attractive in actuality. But all men want their woman to be slutty for them.

Women do want to be slutty. They want to be ruthlessly animalistically

expressive. They want to be slutty with their man, but they don’t want to be sluts. Now, we’re getting into some really advanced dirty talk here. So we’re making a huge step forward here, but in the bedroom, in the context of heightened sexual arousal, and we just jumped a whole bunch of steps here and I should preface that by saying…getting back to dirty talk and voice…and that is when you’re in the bedroom with your woman, the context completely changes.

Now in the living room she wants to be a lady. In the bedroom she wants to be slutty. You slowly progress things from the living room to the bedroom, and I’m talking in an ongoing relationship here based on mutual trust yada yada, everything’s consensual.

In the context of heightened sexual arousal, everything you say is taken in a completely different context. This is critically important. When you use vulgar language in the context of heightened sexual arousal, it is taken as being good. You can’t do that in the living room. That’s a completely different context. In the context of heightened sexual arousal in the bedroom, you can talk dirty.

Alright, so we’ve taken a bunch of steps forward here and we’re going to get to the power of possessive and that is one of the things you say in dirty talk is you call her a slut. But you can’t say “You’re a slut.” Instead you say, you make it possessive, “You’re my naughty little slut.”

By using that possessive, by putting ‘my’ in front of it, it means she’s being slutty for you. She’s being slutty as a result of being responsive to you. She’s being slutty because you are allowing her and leading her to be ruthlessly expressive. In the context of privacy with a man that she trusts in the bedroom, it allows her to do that. You can call her a slut, so long as you preface it with ‘my slut.’

Grant: That’s beautiful, and certainly at any Halloween party, what do women

dress as, right? They clearly want to express that. So it makes it safe for them.

David: You mentioned a really good point, and that is on Halloween you’ll find

that women dress much sluttier. It gives them a license to be what they really want to be. A Halloween costume says a lot about a person and they start dressing slutty on Halloween. But it gives them a license to do it without being a slut.

David: Exactly, contextualized, very good.

Grant: I want to point out one of your great lines. I want guys to listen to this

carefully. One of your great lines is, “You’re a very sweet innocent little thing, but I know you’re my bad naughty little bitch.”

That’s an amazing line because it has what I talk about a lot in Net2Bed in my online dating advice, about how to employ electric contrast. It’s to give them that jolt of two very different feelings at the same time.

So you’re creating the context…”You’re my sweet innocent little thing, BUT I know you’re my bad naughty little bitch.” I think you should win a Nobel prize for that one.

David: That goes back to the fact that women live a life of dichotomy. They live

a life of contrast. In their everyday work life out in the real world they’re an educated proper lady. But in the bedroom, because they’re human beings, because they’re female, they want to be ruthlessly expressive animalistic sexual creatures.

It’s a life of contrast, and what you do is you bring that contrast out. You highlight that contrast, and that contrast is actually extremely exciting for a woman. It makes both aspects of her life even more exciting.

You know a great example of using this is the remote control egg. Guys, you’ve got to go out and get a remote control egg. It’s a radio-controlled vaginal

vibrator. You hold the remote.

Now you’re not going to do this on a first date. This is the 10th or 12th date, whatever. You’re in a long-term relationship with a woman. You have her wear the vibrator and you hold the remote.

You guys go out to dinner. While you’re standing in the lobby waiting for your table --usually when you go out on a Saturday night there’s going to be a wait for your table, it’s the perfect opportunity while everybody’s sitting around waiting for their table in the lobby -- you’re standing here with your arm around your

woman, holding her, and you whisper in her ear and you turn on the remote and you say, “Everybody here is looking at you and they think you are such a sweet innocent lady, but I know you’re my naughty little slut.”

Grant: And you give a jolt.

David: Yup, leave it on while you’re talking dirty to her in her ear, whispering in

her ear, and then you turn it off, stand up straight, and “How long is it going to be for that table?”

Grant: This is great stuff. And clearly by the time dinner’s over and you go

home, the sex is going to be better than just sort of standard everyday sex, because it will already be heightened.

David: It’s not the idea of going home and having great sex. The idea is you

bring sexuality into every aspect of her life, even going out to dinner, while she’s ordering and the very pretty waitress is taking her order.

Everything you do, you integrate sexuality into every aspect of her life while still allowing her to have that contrast. That’s what makes women wildly crazy about their man.

Grant: That’s a great observation. The way I put it sometimes is that for men

sex is sex, and for women often everything but sex is sex. Everything you do, the way you eat together, the way you talk on the phone, every aspect of your life is an opportunity lead her towards the kind of sex that guys actually

ultimately want, which is actually sex sex.

David: That’s very true. From a man’s

perspective, the idea is to go home and have awesome sex, where she’s ruthlessly expressive and does all sorts of fun taboo things.

Grant: Now let’s talk about those things, because

I know a lot of guys are interested in that.

David: Well, that’s what got me interested in it. Grant: You talk about, and you’ve done this, that

you can verbally command a woman to have an orgasm and she will have an orgasm. Now I’m assuming this is not something you do in the line at the post office. There’s some build-up here.

I would love for you to talk about how to lead up to that and how to have that skill.

David: Alright. Do you want me to talk about having her do taboo things, or do

you want me to talk about coming on command?

Grant: Let’s start with coming on command.

David: Coming on command, ok. You pointed out an example in one of my

books, and by the way I appreciate, Grant, the homework that you did in preparation for this. I really appreciate that.

Grant: Well, I respect my community a lot and your part.

“The way I put it

sometimes is that for

men sex is sex, and for

women often everything

but sex is sex.”

David: You respect your guests and I appreciate that. And that’s what

commands respect, Grant.

Now, in getting a woman to come on command, you do it a little step at a time. I’m just telling you about the welcomed method. You’re familiar with a group in San Francisco called The Welcome Consensus?

Well, I learned this a few years ago and thought this was really powerful and really works amazing. It’s a way of touching a woman’s clitoris that brings her up really slowly, but feels amazing for a woman. Do a search on the welcomed method. Amazing.

Now, what you do is in the bedroom, in an ongoing relationship, it’s not for a one-night stand, but in an ongoing relationship you’re going to go through various techniques. One night will be the welcomed method.

What you do with the welcomed method is you bring her up real slow. Now this feels incredible for a woman. She’s never experienced this before and she’s going to be very close to orgasm for a long time. Eventually she’s going to want to come.

What you do is tell her, “No, don’t come, not yet. I want you to feel this pleasure” and on and on. Tell her to feel the pleasure, build it up more, feel the pleasure more and more, and she’s going to be begging you to come.

Tell her, “No, don’t come,” and build it up more, and then you say, “In a moment, I’m going to make you come. In a moment I’m going to tell you to come now. You will not come until I tell you to come now.”

And then you do the ‘yes ladder,’ “Does this feel good? Do you want to come?” You build it up and start stimulating harder and then right before she comes, because you’re always watching your woman very closely at all times, you know this, right before she comes you say, “Come now, hard!”

Instantly she comes, harder than she’s ever come in her life. What that does, that associates your voice telling her to come to the most powerful orgasm she’s had in her life, and you’re in.

One step at a time, that’s one of the things you do. You do these kind of things, and there are a number of other things, and eventually…well, that’s the really advanced stuff. That’s how you associate yourself to her sexuality.

Do not do this for a power trip. Do this because this is what she wants. A woman wants to be responsive to her man. That’s what is sexually exciting to a woman in every aspect, to be responsive to her man. That’s what she dreams about, about having a man that she can be responsive to.

She doesn’t know that you know what you’re doing in this big picture, but by these actions that you’re going through, she’s finding, “Oh yeah, this is what I’ve always wanted.” She may not be able to articulate it, but she responds to it. She’s being very responsive to you.

So you don’t do this for a power trip. You do this because you’re allowing her to live the life she’s always dreamed of living. You’re giving her what she wants.

Grant: That’s beautifully stated, once again. Just to review that, there’s a whole

process. You talk about “Do you want to come? Don’t come yet,” so there’s already a sense of authority there.

David: Let me say something very important about that. It’s not enough to give

women orgasms, ok? It’s not enough to give women loud screaming orgasms. It’s just the great name of a book that sells. That’s a prerequisite. I mean you’ve got to get that working. That’s a prerequisite.

The idea is that you have everything to say about when she comes, how hard she comes, and how long she comes. That’s what it’s all about.

Grant: Again, beautifully stated. You have authority over her orgasm. And one

thing you do write about is how to help a woman extend her orgasm once she’s orgasming in ways that other guys just can’t, again with the power of words. I’d love for you to go into that a little bit.

David: Now that’s really advanced stuff, but you can extend a woman’s orgasm.

If we have time we’ll get to that. I don’t want to fry some minds here.

I’ll give you a really good example. I learned this back in 1992 when I was doing my phone sex thing. It was fun making these women come, but how far could I push this? They were having orgasms that would last maybe 20-25 seconds and I was thinking, “How could I make these orgasms last longer?”

I know one thing that’s absolutely true about women, a truism about women – they want to come at the same time that their man is coming. That’s like the Holy Grail, the simultaneous orgasm in intercourse.

So on the phone, what I would do is when these women would start coming, what I would do is…I’m not going to voice this out…but I voiced it out very vulgar, very realistic, and I would tell her “Oh, I’m about to come. I’m going to come with you. Keep coming! I’m going to come,” and I would push this on for like a minute, telling her that I’m about to come, I want her to come with me, and she’s coming the whole time.

Then I very very enthusiastically make like I’m coming, and that adds another 30 seconds. A minute and a half they would come and I could get it to go two

That’s a quick way to get a woman’s orgasm to extend out to two minutes. In intercourse with her, say when she starts coming, “Oh, baby, I’m going to come, I’m going to come” and keep saying it and then about a minute into it….guys, you have to say all these things while you’re counting seconds off in your head. I know it’s a lot of work.

You get her up to a certain point and you don’t have to do that anymore. Then you can go onto the next thing. After she’s coming for a minute, then you either come or make like you’re coming. That extends it at least another half a minute. So that’s one quick easy way to get a woman’s orgasm to extend much farther than she’s ever thought possible.

Grant: Yes, and I’d like to just add, by the way, for everyone out there, we’re

focusing clearly on the power of words and speech because we are on the telephone at the moment and this is an audio program.

David’s work has lots of visuals, lots of touch techniques, that you can really learn just as well from his written stuff, but I really wanted to focus on speech, since this is a speech medium.

With that said, the kind of sexual moment that you’re so great about teaching, to lead women into this kind of abandon where they really trust you, where they really give themselves over to your commanding position, is a temporary situation, it’s in the bedroom.

I like in your work you also give instruction that if you’re going to bring a woman into that kind of abandon and let her really release what you call her inner slut, that ruthless sexual being, you also have to know how to bring her back out into the living room world so that she’ll trust you, so that this will happen again.

David: Yeah, this is a great question that you raised the other day. A lot of guys

have that question. “How can I talk dirty to a woman and how can she even face me again? How can she even look at me?”

During heightened sexual arousal, as the arousal gets more and more

heightened you can get more and more dirty, and then right after she finishes her orgasm, right after she comes, then what you do is you say to her, “Oh baby, I feel so close to you. I just can’t hold you close enough.”

What this does is it rewards her for being ruthlessly expressive, it regrounds the relationship that this is all based on, a close emotional relationship, and it

regrounds her.

“What does a woman

want more than

What does a woman want more than anything? She wants her man to feel close to her. Because she was ‘your slut,’ you feel closer to her.

This regrounds the relationship to being a meaningful emotional relationship where you respect her for the unique individual that she is.

Grant: We’ve just walked through an entire process. We started out with sort of

inner game work and we’ve walked through the moments leading into intimacy. We’ve walked through the beginnings of intimacy, deep intimacy, release and abandon, and now what I call kind of return to safety.

I feel like I want a cigarette at the moment, but instead of doing that what I’d really like to do David, if we can take some time, I’d love for people to ask you some questions directly. Is that ok with you?

David: Yeah. Let me add to that, I am not a sex therapist, ok? I am not a

student of abnormal psychology. I like to take normal mentally-healthy ordinary guys like you and me and make them exceptional. I just wanted to preface that before the questions come in, but I love questions.

Grant: The depth of your work is very impressive. The questions can be about

talk, they can be about touch, it could be about what we’ve covered so far tonight, or it could be something new along these lines.

So what I’ll ask people out on the call to do, and there are a couple hundred of you, is to press 5* if you want to ask a question, and on my screen a little hand will appear as if you’re raising your hand.

So if you have a question for David, please press 5* and you will hear that you’re unmuted and then you can go ahead and ask your question.

David: While we’re waiting for the questions to come in and while you’re

reviewing, were there any points that you wanted to cover that we didn’t touch on?

Grant: There are so many points I would love to cover. David: Yeah, we figured that would happen.

Grant: Yeah, I think we covered a lot of the basics one. I really wanted to walk

through the entire process and have some good examples, and I definitely wanted to give people time to ask what’s important to them, because I really consider this their seminar.

Caller: This is Tom from Atlanta. Two quick questions. First, where did you get

your vocal training? It was obviously very well done.

David: Alright, let me answer that. Hi, Tom from Atlanta. Thanks for calling in.

You know, when I did that phone sex period in 1992 after my divorce, because it was over the phone, the only thing the woman had to go by was my voice. We all know that women love a deep masculine voice, so what I did is I worked on it. I sang in the shower, I talked to myself while I was driving. That always got interesting looks. I was always pushing my voice lower, lower, and lower, forcing it lower. Eventually it became subconscious. So I worked at it.

No, I did not take voice lessons, but I definitely listened to what women would say about my voice and I would make the adjustments accordingly. I don’t think that’s a wimpy thing to do. I think that is simply taking good information,

constructive criticism.

Caller: Always good to take constructive criticism. Second question is related to

kind of the first 15-20 minutes of your talk. You talked a lot about the beginning escalation process and the fact that you have to move in a leading fashion and a very deliberate pace.

David: I’m sorry to interrupt, it’s not deliberate, it’s based on the energy that you

get from her, the feeling that you get when rapport is getting really good. You have to always be watching your woman very carefully, so I’m not saying it’s deliberate along a specific time line. I’m just saying take it baby steps at a time. You don’t know exactly when you can escalate, but you sense the energy in it. You’re going to be able to do that when you’re in touch with your own energy and you force yourself to be receptive to the energy of a woman, which comes across in her body language, so be very cognizant of her body language.

So I’m sorry to interrupt you, but I wanted to say something about that one word you used.

Caller: I’m glad you said that, because that sort of gets to the heart of my

question, which is that I listened to what you said and it’s interesting. I’m taking dance lessons right now and one of the…

David: Oh, right on brother! That’s a great way to meet girls.

Caller: No kidding! But it’s kind of interesting that when you’re taking dance

lessons, kind of like taking any sort of a physical lesson, like martial arts, you find out that when the instructor’s talking to you, you might think you’re learning but you’re not. You’re actually learning when you’re doing it, when you’re

The sense I got when you were talking about how you do these escalations early on, I felt like I was being talked to through the dance lesson and I need to maybe hear a little more about what you’re actually saying or how this is actually

progressing.

I understand it intellectually, but I don’t know that I can make the leap from that intellectual understanding to….

David: Let me interrupt you again, Tom. I’m sorry, but you made a really good

point that when you’re listening to your dance instructor, you’re not really learning. You don’t learn until you actually start dancing.

That’s exactly what’s happening on this phone call. A lot of guys are listening to a lot of stuff. Grant and I are telling you what you need to learn. You’re learning how to learn.

We’re telling you the direction you need to go, the things you need to do, but you’re not going to actually internalize it, you’re not going to learn it until you go out and do it, until you go out and talk to women and you listen to them carefully, or in your relationship with your current girlfriend or wife. Then you try things and you watch carefully.

We’re telling you the things that have worked for us and you’re learning how to learn. By actually going and doing these things is when you’re going to learn. Good point! I wrote that down. You don’t mind if I use that sometime later do you?

Caller: Not at all, as I get my standard 10% commission we’re fine with that. Grant: I also recommend, by the way, for people who are interested in dance,

there’s a site called http://www.DancePartners.com, which from my experience

it’s probably about 75% women. It’s a great way to meet women.

Tom, thank you very much. I want to see if we can get some more questions in. Who are you and where are you from?

Caller: This is Dr. Alex Benzer from Los Angeles, CA. How you doing? Grant: Good. What’s your question?

Caller: I have a quick question for David, and that is that you piqued all interest

with the welcomed method; however, some of us don’t know what that is so would you be able to share that with us?

David: Yeah, absolutely. Hi Alex from LA. It’s a pleasure to be speaking with

you.

David: Yeah, I know, we met in Montreal this past summer, didn’t we? Caller: That’s correct.

David: It’s a pleasure to hear you on the call. Caller: Thank you so much.

David: Another thing that Tom mentioned, you know we’re covering a lot of stuff

here. Grant and I have been through this stuff, studying this stuff for years, and we’re not going to be able to convey it all in one hour.

So excuse us, but we can tell you the kind of direction you need to go in and you’re learning how to learn. We’re giving you some very important sign posts in that area.

In that context, the welcomed method is really hard to describe over the phone like Grant said, and that is you need pictures. My Loud Screaming Orgasms has lots of pictures and diagrams, but I can give you the basic idea.

What you do is you get yourself some Astroglide, very slippery, very good stuff, it’s available at any drugstore. Don’t use K-Y. Only use Astroglide, very slippery. So you lubricate her clitoris and your finger. Basically you take the very tip of your finger and rub up and down very lightly on the tip of her clitoris.

That is very very high level…without going into details of it, because then you try to visualize it, yada yada…but by doing that very lightly right on the tip of her clitoris with the tip of your finger very lightly, do that over enough time and she will be delirious with arousal.

Grant: And by the way, that’s called the welcomed method. You can look up the

welcomed consensus online. Thanks, Dr. Alex. Who else do we have out there?

Caller: This is Mike from New York. Grant: Hey Mike, welcome.

Caller: How you doing today? Grant: Great.

Caller: Two quick questions. I missed the beginning of the call and just for

myself personally, I kind of try little baby steps that I can get, and I think you alluded to these before because you were talking about be in touch with your own energy and be receptive to the energy of the woman.

You may have already answered my question in terms of my personal baby steps to sort of accelerate getting in touch with it. Do you have any other words of advice in that direction?

David: Yeah, to get in touch with your own energy. Let me take that at a very

high level. This is a one-hour phone seminar so we can’t go into a lot of the details, but let me talk at a very high level about getting in touch with your energy.

That requires believing in yourself. That also requires being realistic. Look at the things that you are in denial of, and that’s one thing I had to do. I looked at myself and said, “Alright, where am I in denial?”

See, the idea is to find truth because truth will set you free from self-defeating beliefs, and truth is found in reality. This is critically important. Be honest with reality. View reality honestly.

Do not be in denial of some things in reality that will allow your self-defeating beliefs to survive, to be true. Instead, go to reality and change your beliefs to be in touch with the truth that comes from reality.

For example, the truth in reality – now you go out there and you look at all the social programming, institutional programming, yada yada – about how women are not sexual creatures, women have to be talked into having sex, on and on. That is not true, because if you look at reality you find that women are sexual all the time. You find in a relationship, “Wow, she got really slutty!” Well, what’s really going on here?

You become honest with reality and you become honest with yourself, and pay attention to yourself and your feelings and your denial, and you get to know yourself and your state, your emotional state, on and on, and you get in touch with your energy.

That’s a very high-level response to your question.

Grant: Let’s give a couple more people a chance to ask a question. We’re

going to open it up.

David: Can I just add one more thing to that? Grant: Of course.

David: If you want to be successful and you don’t know the answer from reality

about something, assume something that works for you. If you don’t really know if women like sex or not, assume that they do and then things will start.

So assume the opposite in the lack of truth from reality, assume beliefs that work for you.

And let me say something to what Tom said earlier. Tom mentioned body

language and it’s so true that you have to watch a woman’s body language. You also have to work on your own body language. Not only did I work on my voice, but I worked on my body language.

I think one of the first books I read after my divorce was about body language. So what I would is I would hallucinate. I would start coming up with beliefs that are self-empowering.

One of the things I did was I started hallucinating that while I was walking there were three strings suspending me: one connected to the center of my chest and one connected to each shoulder.

As I walked, these strings were pulling me up. They held my chest up high and they held my shoulders back and square and straight. I started hallucinating. I did that enough that it became subconscious and I learned how to walk like a man, walk tall.

Grant: Those little changes have a huge impact, I know from experience, little

changes. We’re going to talk about that later in this series with Satyen Raja, about body language, so thanks for bringing that up.

Is there someone on the line with one more question?

Caller: This is Steve from San Francisco. David, I was really fascinated with the

quote you had at the beginning of the worksheet, taking responsibility for a woman. I’m going to try to imprint that on my mind.

The question that came up in response to that was an experience I had today. Can you say something on the topic of balancing sort of your own life and your own needs with being there for a woman or taking responsibility?

It just came to mind because today I had this feeling that I just felt like I really needed to take care of some stuff in my own life, but at the same time I was aware that the woman who’s the object of my affection at the moment was – I kind of felt like I needed to be there for her, too, but I chose to put myself first from experience and it seems to usually work out. But can you say something on that topic?

David: Yup, I sure can. There’s going to be times when you’re going to have

needs and you need to take care of certain things in your life. There’s going to be times when she’s going to have needs. So you’ve got the choice.

You can either attend to what you need to do for yourself. We’re men. There’s always something we have to do. Or you can attend to her needs. If you attend