Mind Over Mood
Feeling Better by
Taking Control of Your Mind
Instructor:
Dave Browning
Based on the Research of Dr. David D. Burns, M.D.
Author of Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy
Romans 12:1,2Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your
mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing
and perfect will. Philippians 4:4-9
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think
about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in
Overview
The Triangle Thoughts Events Feelings Session 1 – Overview - Scripture - Cognitive Distortions - Pre-Class Evaluation: o Anxiety Survey o Depression SurveySession 2 – Reprogramming Your Mind - Processes
- Tools
Sessions 3-7 – Cognitive Distortions
- Session 3: All or Nothing Thinking, Overgeneralization - Session 4: Mental Filter, Discounting the Positives
- Session 5: Jumping to Conclusions, Magnification or Minimization, Novaco Anger Scale
- Session 6: Emotional Reasoning, Should Statements, Holmes/Rahe Stress Test
- Session 7: Labeling, Personification
Session 8 – Wrap Up
- Dysfunctional Attitude Scale - Post-Class Evaluation:
o Anxiety Survey o Depression Survey
10 Cognitive Distortions
1. All or nothing thinking: You look at things in absolute, black-and-white categories.
2. Over generalization: You view a negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
3. Mental filter: You dwell on the negatives and ignore the positives. 4. Discounting the positives: You insist that your accomplishments or
positive qualities don’t count. 5. Jumping to conclusions:
(A) Mind-reading – you arbitrarily assume that people are reacting negatively to you;
(B) Fortune-telling – you arbitrarily predict that things will turn out badly.
6. Magnification or minimization: You blow things way out of proportion or you shrink their importance.
7. Emotional reasoning: You reason from how you feel.
8. Should statements: You criticize yourself or other people with “shoulds,” “shouldn’ts,” “musts,” “oughts,” and “have tos.”
9. Labeling: Instead of saying “I made a mistake,” you tell yourself, “I’m a loser.”
10. Personalization and blame:
(A) You blame yourself for something you weren’t entirely responsible for;
(B) You blame other people and overlook ways that you contributed to a problem.
Where does this stuff come from?
• Temperament • Family
• Personal • Environment
Churches can be toxic to our mental and emotional health:
1. Tendency to codify our experience
2. Overly concerned about the purity of others 3. Externals are easier than manage than internals 4. Desire to approach God on our merit
Examples of Cognitive Distortions
1. You are a housewife, and your heart sinks when your husband has just complained disgruntledly that the roast beef was overdone. The following thought crosses your mind: “I’m a total failure. I can’t stand it! I never do anything right. I work like a slave and this is all the thanks I get! The jerk!” These thoughts cause you to feel sad and angry.
Your distortions include one or more of the following: a. All-or-nothing thinking
b. Overgeneralization c. Magnification d. Labeling
e. All of the above
2. You have just read the sentence in which I informed you that you would have to take this self-assessment quiz. Your heart suddenly sinks and you think, “Oh no, not another test! I always do lousy on tests. I’ll have to skip this section. It makes me nervous, so it wouldn’t help anyway.” Your distortions include:
a. Jumping to conclusions b. Overgeneralization c. All-or-nothing thinking d. Personalization
e. Emotional reasoning
3. You are a Psychiatrist at the University of Pennsylvania. You are attempting to revise your manuscript on depression after meeting with your editor in New York. Although your editor seemed extremely enthusiastic, you notice you are feeling nervous and inadequate due to your thoughts, “They made a terrible mistake when they chose my book! I won’t be able to do a good job. I’ll never be able to make the book fresh, lively, punchy. My writing is too drab, and my ideas aren’t good enough.” Your cognitive distortions include:
a. All-or-nothing thinking b. Jumping to conclusions c. Mental filter
d. Disqualifying the positive e. Magnification
4. You are lonely and you decide to attend a social affair for singles. Soon after you get there, you have the urge to leave because you feel anxious and defensive. The following thoughts run through your mind: “They probably aren’t very interesting people. Why torture myself? They’re just a bunch of losers. I can tell because I feel so bored. This party will be a drag.”
Your errors involve: a. Labeling b. Magnification
c. Jumping to conclusions d. Emotional reasoning e. Personalization
5. You receive a layoff notice from your employer. Your feel mad and frustrated. You think, “This proves the world is no good. I never get a break.”
Your distortions include:
a. All-or-nothing thinking b. Disqualifying the positive c. Mental filter
d. Personalization e. Should statements
6. You are about to give a lecture and you notice your heart is pounding. You feel tense and nervous because you think, “I’ll probably forget what I’m supposed to say. My speech isn’t any good anyway. My mind will blank out. I’ll make a fool of myself.”
Your thinking errors involve: a. All-or-nothing thinking b. Disqualifying the positive c. Jumping to conclusions d. Minimization
e. Labeling
7. Your date calls you at the last minute to cancel out because of illness. You feel angry and disappointed because you think, “I’m getting jilted. What did I do to foul things up?”
Your thinking errors include: a. All-or-nothing thinking b. Should statements c. Jumping to conclusions d. Personalization
8. You have put off writing a report for work. Every night when you try to get down to it, the whole project seems so difficult that you watch TV instead. You begin to feel overwhelmed and guilty. You are thinking the following: “I’m so lazy I’ll never get this done. I just can’t do it. It would take forever. It won’t turn out right anyway.”
Your thinking errors include: a. Jumping to conclusions b. Overgeneralization c. Labeling
d. Magnification
e. Emotional reasoning
9. After feeling better mid-way through this class, you suddenly begin to feel worse. You feel disillusioned, hopeless, bitter, and desperate due to
thinking, “I’m not getting anywhere. These methods won’t help me after all. I should be well by now. That ‘improvement’ was a fluke. I was fooling myself when I thought I was feeling better. I’ll never get well.
Your cognitive distortions include: a. Disqualifying the positive b. Should statements c. Emotional reasoning d. All-or-nothing thinking e. Jumping to conclusions
10. You’ve been trying to diet. This weekend you’ve been nervous, and, since you didn’t have anything to do, you’ve been nibbling, nibbling. After your fourth piece of candy, you tell yourself, “I just can’t control myself. My dieting and jogging all week have gone down the drain. I must look like a balloon. I shouldn’t have eaten that. I can’t stand this. I’m going to pig out all weekend!” You begin to feel so guilty you push another handful of candy into your mouth in an abortive attempt to feel better.
Your distortions include:
a. All-or-nothing thinking b. Mislabeling
c. Negative prediction d. Should statements e. Disqualifying the positive
Burns Anxiety Inventory
Not at all = 0 Somewhat = 1 Moderately = 2 A Lot = 3 Anxious Feelings
1. Anxiety, nervousness, worry, or fear
2. Feeling that things around you are strange, unreal, or foggy 3. Feeling detached from all or part of your body
4. Sudden unexpected panic spells
5. Apprehension or a sense of impending doom 6. Feeling tense, stressed, “uptight,” or on edge Anxious Thoughts
1. Difficulty concentrating
2. Racing thoughts or having your mind jump from one thing to the next 3. Frightening fantasies or daydreams
4. Feeling that you’re on the verge of losing control 5. Fears of cracking up or going crazy
6. Fears of fainting or passing out
7. Fears of physical illnesses or heart attacks or dying
8. Concerns about looking foolish or inadequate in front of others 9. Fears of being alone, isolated, or abandoned
10. Fears of criticism or disapproval
11. Fear that something terrible is about to happen Physical Symptoms
1. Skipping or racing or pounding of the heart (palpitations) 2. Pain, pressure, or tightness in the chest
3. Tingling or numbness in the toes or fingers 4. Butterflies or discomfort in the stomach 5. Constipation or diarrhea
6. Restlessness or jumpiness 7. Tight, tense muscles
8. Sweating not brought on by heat 9. A lump in the throat
10. Trembling or shaking 11. Rubbery or “jelly” legs
12. Feeling dizzy, lightheaded, or off balance
13. Choking or smothering sensations or difficulty breathing 14. Headaches or pains in the neck or back
15. Hot flashes or cold chills
16. Feeling tired, weak, or easily exhausted Degree of Anxiety 0-4 Minimal or no anxiety 5-10 Borderline anxiety 11-20 Mild anxiety 21-30 Moderate anxiety 31-50 Severe anxiety
Burns Depression Checklist
Not at all = 0 Somewhat = 1 Moderately = 2 A Lot = 3 1. Sadness: Have you been feeling sad or down in the dumps?
2. Discouragement: Does the future look hopeless?
3. Low self-esteem: Do you feel worthless or think of yourself as a failure? 4. Inferiority: Do you feel inadequate or inferior to others?
5. Guilt: Do you get self-critical and blame yourself for everything?
6. Indecisiveness: Do you have trouble making up your mind about things? 7. Irritability and frustration: Have you been feeling resentful and angry a
good deal of the time?
8. Loss of interest in life: Have you lost interest in your career, your hobbies, your family, or your friends?
9. Loss of motivation: Do you feel overwhelmed and have to push yourself to do hard things?
10. Poor self-image: Do you think you’re looking old or unattractive? 11. Appetite changes: Have you lost your appetite? Or do you overeat or
binge compulsively?
12. Sleep changes: Do you suffer from insomnia and find it hard to get a good night’s sleep? Or are you excessively tired and sleeping too much?
13. Loss of libido: Have you lost your interest in sex?
14. Hypochondriasis: Do you worry a great deal about your health? 15. Suicidal impulses: Do you have thoughts that life is not worth living or
think that you might be better off dead?
Degree of Depression 0-4 Minimal or no depression 5-10 Borderline depression 11-20 Mild depression 21-30 Moderate depression 31-45 Severe depression
15 Ways to Untwist Your Thinking
“…Be transformed by the renewing of your mind….” (Romans 12:2) 1. Identify the
Distortions
Use the list of cognitive distortions and write down the distortions in each negative thought.
2. The Straight-Forward Approach
Substitute a more positive and realistic thought.
3. The Cost-Benefit Analysis
List the advantages and disadvantages of a negative feeling, thought, belief, or behavior.
4. Examine the Evidence
Instead of assuming that a negative thought is true, examine the actual evidence for it.
5. The Survey Method
Do a survey to find out if your thoughts and attitudes are realistic.
6. The Experimental Technique
Do an experiment to test the validity of your negative thought.
7. The Double Standard Technique
Talk to yourself in the same compassionate way you might talk to a dear friend who was upset.
8. The Pleasure Predicting Method
Predict how satisfying activities will be from 0% to 100%. Record how satisfying they turn out. 9. The Vertical
Arrow Technique
Draw a vertical arrow under your negative thought and ask why it would be upsetting if it were true.
10. Thinking in Shades of Gray
Instead of thinking about your problems in black-or-white categories, evaluate things in shades of gray.
11. Define Terms When you label yourself as “inferior” or “a loser,” ask yourself what you mean by these labels.
12. Be Specific Stick with reality and avoid judgments about reality. 13. The Semantic
Method
Substitute language that is less emotionally loaded (useful for should statements and labeling).
14. Re-Attribution Instead of blaming yourself for a problem, think about all the factors that may have contributed to it.
15. The Acceptance Paradox
Instead of defending yourself against your own self-criticisms, find truth in them and accept them.
Ten Biblical Ideas to Keep us from Distorted Thinking 1. God is holy; we are not (1 Peter 1:16).
2. God loves us in spite of who we are and what we do; not because of whom we are or what we do (Romans 5:8).
3. Our relationship with God continues to be based on his grace, not our works (Acts 13:43).
4. God makes a distinction between who we are and what we’ve done (John 8:11).
5. Spiritual maturity is a process that will not be complete until we get to heaven (Philippians 1:6).
6. Spirituality is about the presence of positives, not merely the absence of negatives (Galatians 5:22,23).
7. Balance is key to Christlikeness (John 1:14).
8. God has given us freedom within the framework of his clearly revealed moral will (Galatians 5:1).
9. God is spirit and does not fit into man-made forms and structures (John 4:24).
A Fable of Perspective
Once upon a time there was an old man who owned a beautiful horse. No one else in the entire kingdom had a horse as beautiful as this one, not even the king. Neighbors pleaded with the old man to sell the horse, since he was very poor and could have easily lived off the proceeds, but he refused. The townspeople said to the old man: “You are blessed to have such a beautiful horse. No one else is as blessed as you are.” The old man replied, “Do not say that I have been blessed or cursed. Say only that I have a beautiful horse. Only God knows.” One day, when the old man went out into his field to be with his horse he noticed that the horse was gone. He also noticed that a portion of his fence was broken down. The townspeople came to the old man and said, “You are cursed. No one can be as cursed as you are, to have such a beautiful horse run away.” The old man replied, “Do not say that I have been blessed or cursed. Say only that I had a beautiful horse that ran away. Only God knows.”
Days went by, as the townspeople continued to remind the man of his loss, until one afternoon, he heard the sound of hoof beats, heading toward his cottage. He opened the front door to see his beautiful horse leading a dozen wild stallions into his field. Once again, the townspeople gathered around, and said, “You are blessed. No one is as blessed as you are. You lose one horse, only to gain that horse again, plus 12 wild stallions. You are blessed beyond your wildest dreams.” The old man replied, “Do not say that I have been blessed or cursed. Say only that my beautiful horse has returned, and brought 12 wild stallions with him. Only God knows.”
The man’s son began to break the wild horses so that they could sell them to the townspeople. Then one day, in an accident, the son was bucked off the horse and landed on his back, paralyzing him from the waist down. When the
townspeople heard about this, they gathered at the old man’s home to commiserate with him: “Old man, you are cursed. These wild horses have permanently injured your only son. No one is as cursed as you.” Once again, the old man replied, “Do not say that I have been blessed or cursed. Say only that my only son was permanently injured while breaking the horses. Only God knows.”
There came a day when the village went to war with a neighboring land. The battle would no doubt be costly to the villagers, since the neighboring land had a large army with many weapons. All the men of the village were conscripted to go…all except one man, who was unable to walk. The townspeople came to the old man and bemoaned their lot. They said, “You are blessed. Our sons will most surely die in battle. You will still have your son with you. No one is as blessed as you. The old man replied, “Do not say that I have been blessed or cursed. Say only that my son is still with me. Only God knows.”
The Triple-Column Technique
Suppose you are late for a meeting….
Automatic Thought Cognitive Distortion Rational Response I never do anything right Overgeneralization Nonsense! I do a lot of
things right.
I’m always late Overgeneralization I’m not always late. If I’m late more than I’d like, I’ll work on this problem. Everyone will look Mind Reading Someone may be
down on me Overgeneralization disappointed that I’m late All or Nothing but it’s not the end of the Fortune Telling world.
This shows what a Labeling Come on, now. I’m not a
jerk I am jerk.
I’ll make a fool of myself Labeling I’m not a fool. I may Fortune Telling appear foolish, but this
doesn’t make me a fool.
Practice:
1. I’m basically lazy. 2. I should have helped Johnny with his
homework.
3. This means I’ll never get a job.
4. Everyone can see what an insensitive person I am.
5. They’ll probably kick me out of the program.
Daily Mood Log (example)
Step One: Describe the Upsetting Event: I inadvertently let Lucy use her
brother’s toothbrush. Now I feel tormented and can’t sleep.
Step Two: Record your Negative Feelings, and Rate Them:
1. Anxious 90
2. Guilty 75
Step Three: The Triple Column Technique:
Automatic Thought Cognitive Distortion Rational Response
If Lucy gets a sore throat it will be my fault
If Freddy finds out, he will be angry with me.
Practice: Joe is late coming home from work; you get angry and think, “Joe’s never on time. What a jerk! If he cared about me, he wouldn’t be so late. He should be home by now.”
Daily Mood Log (practice)
Step One: Describe the Upsetting Event:
Step Two: Record your Negative Feelings, and Rate Them:
Step Three: The Triple Column Technique:
Daily Record of Dysfunctional Thoughts
Situation Emotions Automatic Cognitive Rational Outcome Thoughts Distortions Responses
Customer hangs up.
I stayed in bed all day.
Pastor seemed to be looking at me during the sermon.
The But-Rebuttal Method
Debate the issue in your own mind; for example,
But Column But Rebuttal Column I really should mow the lawn, I’ll feel more like it once But I’m just not in the mood. I get started. When I’m done
I’ll feel terrific.
But now it’s so long it would take forever. It won’t take that much extra time with the power mower. I can always do a part of it now. But I’m too tired. So just do some of it and rest. I’d rather rest now and watch TV. I can, but I won’t feel very good
about it, knowing this chore is handing over my head.
But I’m just too lazy to do it today. That can’t be true. I’ve done it on numerous occasions in the past.
Practice: I could cut down on my smoking, but I don’t have that kind of self
The Pleasure-Predicting Sheet
Activity Predicted Satisfaction Actual Satisfaction
Work on project 70% 75%
Long walk after breakfast 40% 85%
Roller skating 50% 90%
Cost-Benefit Analysis
The attitude or belief I want to change: I must have everybody’s approval to be
happy and worthwhile.
Advantages of believing this: Disadvantages of believing this:
1. It will feel good when people 1. I’ll feel lousy when people don’t
approve of me. like me or approve of me.
2. I’ll work hard to make people 2. Other people control my self-esteem. Like me.
3. I’ll be very sensitive to other 3. People may not respect me in the people’s feelings. long run if I don’t stand up for what I
believe.
4. I may be less sensitive to other people because I’ll be worried about criticism or conflict.
Distortion #1: All or Nothing Thinking. You look at things in absolute, black-and-white categories.
You tend to have only 2 files in your mind: Good and Bad/OK and not OK. There are no gray areas, no in-betweens. If we are not careful, we can look at our kids, jobs, churches, and lives in this way.
…Refers to your tendency to evaluate your personal qualities in extreme, black-or-white categories. For example, a prominent politician told me, "Because I lost the race for governor, I'm a zero." A straight-A student who received a B on an exam concluded, "Now I'm a total failure." All-or-Nothing Thinking forms the basis for perfectionism. It causes you to fear any mistake or imperfection because you will then see yourself as a complete loser, and you will feel inadequate an
worthless. This way of evaluating things is unrealistic because life is rarely
completely either one way or the other. For example, no one is absolutely brilliant or totally stupid. Similarly, no one is either completely attractive or totally ugly. Look at the floor of the room you are sitting in now. Is it perfectly clean? Is every inch piled high with dust and dirt? Or is it partially clean? Absolutes do not exist in this universe. If you try to force your experiences into absolute categories, you will be constantly depressed because your perceptions will not conform to reality. You will set yourself up for discrediting yourself endlessly because whatever you do will never measure up to your exaggerated expectations. The technical name for this type of perceptual error is "dichotomous thinking." You see everything as black and or white -- shades of gray do not exist.
Perfectionism is driven by a sense of inadequacy. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.
Two cows were in a pasture when they saw a milk truck pass. On the side of the truck were the words: “Pasteurized, homogenized, standardized, Vitamin A added.” One cow sighed and said to the other, “Makes you
feel sort of inadequate, doesn’t it?”
There is such a thing as a pocket perfectionist. It is possible for them to maybe be perfectionistic in one area, such as their school work or how they dress. But their desk or their bedroom is a mess.
Agree or Disagree?
1. If you cannot do something well, there is little point in doing it at all. 2. It is shameful for a person to display his weaknesses.
3. A person should try to be the best at everything he undertakes. 4. I should be upset if I make a mistake.
5. If I don’t set the highest standards for myself, I am likely to end up a second-rate person.
Spotting Warning Words
As an ongoing way of perceiving reality, All or Nothing thinking is emotionally and physically damaging. If you spot yourself using this style, challenge yourself to think differently. There are particular words that people often use when thinking in this way. You can learn to spot them.
Always Never Perfect
Impossible Awful Terrible
Ruined Disastrous Furious
Of course, thinking and talking in an 'All or Nothing' way is much more
emotionally exciting, and so may be difficult to give up. However, we all talk like this at times, particularly when excited or angry.
To look at how we can begin to incorporate the "gray", take for example a child failing a math exam. They could say to themselves: “I'm just plain stupid!” or they could say: “I'm bad at math but I'm pretty good at English” (or sport, art, making people laugh or whatever it happens to be). The first statement is Black or White while the second focuses on lots of different elements and is not indicative of depressive thinking.
Distortion #2: Overgeneralization. You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
You get in a car accident and tell your friend, “I can’t drive a car.”
You have a friendship go sideways and you conclude: “I must not be very good at relationships.”
You spill your coffee and think, “This always happens to me.”
Or you think of others…. “All the lawyers are crooks.” “It’s a mad world.”
“Politicians are all fools (or liars, or thieves, or corrupted).” “Rich people are greedy.”
Overgeneralization is when you make the assumption that if something happens once, it will always happen for ever after. You go for a job and don’t get it. Overgeneralization makes you conclude “I’ll never get any job. It’s completely hopeless”. Overgeneralization multiplies the pain of setbacks or rejections many times. You could look at a setback as just an isolated event, but instead you interpret it as a message from the universe that all your endeavors are doomed.
Overgeneralization can happen in spite of all the evidence. David Burns tells about the depressed salesman who noticed bird dung on his car window and
thought, “That’s just my luck. The birds are always crapping on my window!”. When asked he could not think of another time in the last twenty years when this had happened. By becoming aware of when you are overgeneralizing, and
challenging it (for instance by asking whether it is true that something “always” or “never” happens) you can begin to overcome it.
More Realistic Paradigms than “All or Nothing” or “Overgeneralization.” 1. Both/And…two things can be true at the same time.
Martin Luther: “I am simultaneously saint and sinner.”
2. Shades of gray (or percentages)…it is not completely one way, or another.
3. Combinations…two different things may be true in some combination.
• Can I be basically an intelligent person and still do something stupid? • Can I love my children and still get angry with them sometimes? • Can my partner love me but sometimes be insensitive?
• Can one part of my life be difficult and other parts be easier and more enjoyable?
• Can a part of my life be difficult now but in the future get easier? • Can some parts of an experience (such as a social engagement or
vacation) be awful and other parts of it be OK?
Why it’s Great to be Able to Make Mistakes
1. A small mistake doesn’t ruin an otherwise fine whole. 2. We won’t learn unless we make mistakes.
3. Recognizing our mistakes helps us adjust our behavior. 4. If we fear making mistakes we become paralyzed.
5. Most people are not going to be mad at us or dislike us because we make mistakes.
6. We don’t die if we make mistakes.
Syllogism of Humanness
1. Human beings mess up from time to time 2. I am a human being
Know the Difference Between Conviction and Condemnation Holy Spirit talks to us about what we’ve done - Action Satan talks to us about who we are - Character
Talk Back to Your Inner Perfectionist (or Critical Chorus)
Len is a musician who is depressed because he feels as though he is a “second-rate” musician. From childhood he felt he needed to be a genius musician in order to be appreciated.
Automatic Thoughts Rational Responses
1. If I’m not the greatest it means 1. Whether or not I am “the greatest,” it means I won’t get any attention people will listen to me, they will see me
from people. perform, and many will respond
positively.
2. But everybody doesn’t like 2. This is true of all musicians, even the kind of music I play. Beethoven or Bob Dylan. No musician
can please everybody. If I enjoy
my music, then that should be enough.
3. But how can I enjoy my 3. By playing music that turns me on, music if I know I’m not the greatest? just as I always have! Besides, there’s
no such thing as “the world’s greatest musician” so stop trying to be it.
4. But if I were more famous 4. How many fans do I need before I’m then I’d have more fans. happy?
5. It seems like the big stars are 5. Other people are loved who are just
Practice Talking Back:
“I didn’t do an excellent job on that assignment.”
“I’ll be letting them down if I don’t make it to their party.”
“If my kids don’t get good grades it will ruin my reputation as a parent.”
“What a lousy day!”
“This meal I cooked really turned out terrible.”
“I’m too old.”
“Nobody loves me.”
“I’m a failure.”
“My career is over the hill.”
“My lecture was a flop.”
A Terrible Thing to Waste
You might remember an old anti-drug commercial that said, “A mind is a terrible thing to waste.” Of all the assets we’ve been given our minds are one of the most precious. The Bible asks us to maximize this asset, by bringing our minds into greater focus and clarity. Romans 12:2 instructs us to make the most of our minds, because:
1. The battle is fought and won in the mind. Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Both the world and God want your mind. The world is trying to conform your mind. God is trying to transform your mind.
2. Our minds are our responsibility.
Romans 12:2 is a directive – the subject of the verse may not be apparent because it’s the person being addressed. It’s you.
Romans 12:2
[You] Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but [You] be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Many of us are far too passive when it comes to our minds. Some of us have had absolute garbage….images, words, stories….enter our minds. We also have tolerated cognitive distortions far too long.
Martin Luther said, you can’t keep the birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair. The care and feeding of our minds is our responsibility.
3. When you transform your mind, you transform your life. Our minds hold the key to what we’ll become spiritually.
Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Transformation follows renewal of the mind (“transformed by the renewing”). And it’s when your mind is renewed that God’s will is tested and approved (“then you will be able to test and approve….”). It reminds me of what is said in Hebrews 11: “By faith we understand.” The faith comes first, then the understanding. The renewal comes first, then God’s will passes the test. When our minds are right, God’s will looks beautiful. You may have to get your head in the right place to enjoy God’s will.
Imagine that you were raised to believe that banana splits are terrible. Whenever you see a banana split you have a reaction. But really there is nothing wrong. Your mind just needs to be reprogrammed to fit reality.
In a similar way, early on, Satan starts to fill your mind with distortions about God’s will (“God doesn’t love you. You can’t give your life to God, His demands are unreasonable.”) When your mind is renewed, you understand God’s will is good, pleasing and perfect.
How to Renew Your Mind 1. Submit your mind
Romans 12:1,2
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God — this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will.
God wants us to give all of ourselves to him (“your bodies”). But he wants us to start with our minds (“your minds”). Every day, give your mind to God.
2. Protect your mind
Philippians 4:6-8
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which
transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things.
For your own protection, there is a grid that thoughts need to be poured through. Don’t just think anything you want to think. Think things that align with
When you get troubling thoughts, reflect or journal about things that are: True: Noble: Right: Pure: Lovely: Admirable: Excellent: Praiseworthy:
The Keeper of the Keys You are the Keeper of the Keys You are the Guard at the Gate
Waiting in line to get through that door Is love. And also hate.
In line to enter is gentle peace. And also violent war.
You must choose who may, and who May not come through that door. Intolerance tries to sneak through On wings of fear, or pride.
It hides behind dreams of belonging, And tries to sneak inside.
Oh! Be alert! You’re the Guard who decides Who goes and who may stay.
You are The Keeper of the Keys to Your Mind. Who will you let in today?
2 Corinthians 10:5
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
3. Change your mind 2 Timothy 2:7
Reflect on what I am saying, for the Lord will give you insight into all this.
The insight comes when we reflect. We need to take the time to reflect on what and how we are thinking.
G.K. Chesterton
Break out of this tiny and tawdry theatre in which your own little plot is always being played, and find yourself under a freer sky, in a street full of splendid strangers.
Stephen Covey, First Things First
Close your eyes and visualize yourself in some circumstance that would normally create discomfort or pain. Something pushes your button. Your boss yells at you. Your teenage daughter complains that you never buy her any clothes. Your co-worker starts a vicious rumor about you.
Use your self-awareness to separate yourself from your normal thoughts and feelings the situation would create. In your mind’s eye, instead of seeing yourself react as you might normally do, see yourself act based on the principles you are convinced will create quality-of-life results. See yourself interacting with others in a way that combines courage and consideration.
As we reach the half way point of our class, Mind Over Mood, what changes is God already asking you to make to your thinking?
Distortion #3: Mental filter: You dwell on the negatives and ignore the positives.
You pick out a negative detail in any situation and dwell on it exclusively, thus perceiving that the whole situation is negative. For example, a depressed college student heard some other students making fun of her best friend. She became furious because she was thinking, “That’s what the human race is basically like –cruel and insensitive!” She was overlooking the fact that in the previous months few people, in any, had been cruel or insensitive to her! On another occasion when she completed her first midterm exam, she felt certain she had missed approximately seventeen questions out of a hundred. She thought exclusively about those seventeen questions and concluded she would flunk out of college. When she got the paper back there was a note attached that read, “You got 83 out of 100 correct. This was by far the highest grade of any student this year. A+”
When you are depressed, you wear a pair of eyeglasses with special lenses that filter out anything positive. All that you allow to enter your conscious mind is negative. Because you are not aware of this “filtering process,” you conclude that everything is negative. The technical name for this process is “selective abstraction.” It is a bad habit that can cause you to suffer much needless anguish.
Examples of Mental Filter
1. You receive many positive comments about your presentation to a group of associates at work, but one of them says something mildly critical. You obsess about his reaction for days and ignore all positive feedback.
Can you relate to this?
2. You work hard all day long, but when you come to the end of the day you think, “There’s always so much work left at the end of the day!
Do you do this?
3. You begin an interview feeling nervous, but then become more at ease as the conversation goes along. After the interview, you tell your friends, “I don’t think it went well. I was so nervous!”
List A
What is a negative attribute of your physical makeup?
What is a negative attribute of your personality?
What is a negative attribute of your parents?
What is a negative attribute of your work?
What is a negative attribute of your house or apartment?
What is a negative attribute of your town?
What is a negative attribute of your country?
List B
What is a positive attribute of your physical makeup?
What is a positive attribute of your personality?
What is a positive attribute of your parents?
What is a positive attribute of your work?
What is a positive attribute of your house or apartment?
What is a positive attribute of your town?
Distortion #4: Discounting the positives: You insist that your accomplishments or positive qualities don’t count.
An even more spectacular mental illusion is the persistent tendency of some depressed individuals to transform neutral or even positive experiences into negative ones. You don’t just ignore positive experiences; you cleverly and swiftly turn them into their nightmarish opposite. I call this “reverse alchemy.” The medieval alchemists dreamed of finding dome method for transmuting the baser metals into gold. If you have been depressed, you may have developed the talent for doing the exact opposite – you can instantly transform golden joy into emotional lead. Not intentionally, however – you’re probably not even aware of what you’re doing to yourself.
An everyday example of this would be the way most of us have been conditioned to respond to compliments. When someone praises your appearance or your work, you might automatically tell yourself, “They’re just being nice.” With one swift blow you mentally disqualify their compliment. You do the same thing to them when you tell them, “Oh, it was nothing, really.” It you constantly throw cold water on the good things that happen, no wonder life seem damp and chilly to you!
Disqualifying the positive is one of the most destructive forms of cognitive distortion. You’re like a scientist intent on finding evidence to support some pet hypothesis. The hypothesis that dominates your depressive thinking is usually some version of “I’m second-rate.” Whenever you have a negative experience, you dwell on it and conclude, “That proves what I’ve known all along.” In contrast, when you have a positive
experience, you tell yourself, “That was a fluke. It doesn't count.” The price you pay for this tendency is intense misery and an inability to appreciate the good things that happen.
While this type of cognitive distortion is commonplace it can also form the basis for some of the most extreme and intractable forms of depression. For example, a young woman hospitalized during a severe depressive episode told me, “No one could possibly care about me because I’m such an awful person. I’m a complete loner. Not one person on earth cares about me.” When she was discharged from the hospital, many patients and staff members expressed great fondness for her. Can you guess how she negated all this? “They don’t count because they don’t see me in the real world. A real person outside a hospital could never care about me.” I then asked her how she reconciled this with the fact that she had numerous friends and family who did care about her. She replied, “They don’t count because they don’t know the real me. You see Dr. Burns, inside I’m absolutely rotten. I’m the worst person in the world. It would be impossible for anyone to really like me for even one moment!” By disqualifying positive experiences in this manner, she can maintain a negative belief, which is clearly unrealistic and
inconsistent with her everyday experiences.
While your negative thinking is probably not as extreme as hers, there may be many times every day when you do inadvertently ignore genuinely positive things that have happened to you. This removes much of life’s richness and makes things appear needlessly bleak.
Discounting the positive takes the joy out of life and makes you feel inadequate and unrewarded.
“I don’t really have anything to offer. He probably has a lot of applicants who are much better than I am.”
“It really wasn’t that great of an effort. Anyone could have done as well as I did.”
“I’m not a very good father. I’m sometimes irritable around my kids.”
“Fran doesn’t really care about me. She just feels sorry for me.”
According to Philippians 4:8 we not only cannot afford to discount the positives, we must actively meditate on them! “Think on these things!”
In a Social Setting
Sometimes we feel insecure and self-conscious around a group of people. We may even go to great lengths to avoid social situations.
Imagine that your friend recently asked you to go shopping with some friends who were visiting from California. You felt panicky and wanted to back out. You wrote down your “automatic thoughts” on the Daily Mood Log:
1. I will not know what to talk about. 2. I will feel so stupid.
3. His friends will think I’m not very interesting.
4. When I speak they will stare at me and think that what I have to say doesn’t count.
5. I will feel so tense that I won’t be able to walk and talk freely. 6. I shouldn’t feel this way! What’s wrong with me?
7. I’ll never change.
There is an obvious connection between what you are thinking and what you are feeling. What are the distortions in your thinking?
First, this is a prime example of fortune-telling. These negative predictions often function as self-fulfilling prophecies. You are also making a “should” statement. You are pressuring yourself that you must come up with things that are witty and entertaining to be liked by others. A third distortion would be “discounting the positive.” If you were to go on this trip, you would find things to talk about, and you would ask questions to get to know others better. Bottom line: the ordinary you, that God created, is likeable and lovable. So focus on the positive!
The Physiology of the Brain
When we speak of our mind, we are speaking of something immaterial (spiritual, intellectual, relational) and material (muscle, physical). Marcus Buckingham, in his book Now Discover Your Strengths, discusses the physiology of the brain:
The brain is an odd organ in that it seems to grow backward. Your liver, your kidneys, and, thankfully, your skin all start small and become gradually larger until they reach the appropriate adult size. With your brain, the opposite happens. Your brain gets very big quickly and then shrinks and shrinks into adulthood. Most bizarre of all, as your brain becomes smaller and smaller, you become smarter and smarter.
The secret to making sense of this topsy-turvy organ can be found in what is called a “synapse.” A synapse is a connection between two brain cells that enables the cells (also called neurons) to communicate with one another. These synapses are your threads, and you need to know about them because, as it says in one neurology textbook, “Behavior depends on the formation off appropriate interconnections among neurons of the brain.”
Put more plainly, your synapses create your talents.
So how are your synaptic connections made? Forty-two days after you are conceived, your brain experiences a four-month growth spurt. Actually, the word “spurt” doesn’t do justice to the sheer scale of what happens. On your forty-second day you create your first neuron, and 120 days later you have a hundred billion of them. That’s a staggering 9500 new neurons every second. But once this explosion dies down, much of the neuron drama is over. You have a hundred billion when you are born, and you have about that many up until late middle age.
Elsewhere in your brain, however, the real drama, the synapse drama, is just beginning. Sixty days before your birth your neurons start trying to communicate with one another. Each neuron reaches out – literally “reaches out” a strand called an axon – and attempts to make a connection. Whenever a successful connection is made, a synapse is
formed, and during the first three years of your life, your neurons prove phenomenally successful at making these connections. In fact, by the age of three each of your hundred billion neurons has formed fifteen thousand synaptic connections with other neurons. Just to be clear, that’s fifteen thousand connections for each of your hundred billion neurons. Your pattern of threads extensive, intricate, and unique, is woven. But then something strange happens. For some reason nature now prompts you to ignore a lot of your carefully woven threads. As with most things, threads that are neglected fall into disrepair, and so across your network connections start to break. You become so inattentive to parts of your mental network that between the ages of three and fifteen you lose billions and billions of the carefully forged synaptic connections. By the time you wake up on your sixteenth birthday, half your network is gone.
Romans 12 speaks of "renewing the mind" as key to spiritual transformation. But what exactly does this mean? It means re-channeling and re-grooving our minds so that thoughts and feelings naturally follow the narrow path of Christ. There is a physiological reprogramming that needs to happen for people's minds, as there are ruts carved out in childhood. Consider the following from Buckingham’s First
Break All the Rules.
By the time the child reaches her third birthday the number of successful connections made is colossal - up to fifteen thousand synaptic connections for each of its one hundred billion neurons.
But this is too many. She is overloaded with the volume of information whirling around inside her head. She needs to make sense of it all. Her sense. So during the next ten years or so, he brain refines and focuses its network of connections. The stronger synaptic connections become stronger still. The weaker ones wither away. Dr. Harry Chugani, professor of neurology at Wayne State University Medical School, likens this pruning process to a highway system:
"Roads with the most traffic get widened. The ones that are rarely used fall into disrepair."
Scientists are still arguing about what causes some mental highways to be used more regularly than others. Some contend that the child's genetic inheritance predisposes her toward certain mental pathways. Other claim that the way she is raised has a significant effect on which pathways will survive the Darwinian pruning and which will die.
These views are not mutually exclusive. But whatever their nature-nurture bias, few disagree on the outcome of this mental pruning. By the time the child reaches her early teens, she has half as many synaptic connections as she did when she was three. Her brain has carved out a unique network of connections. She has some beautiful,
frictionless, traffic-free, four-lane highways, where the connections are smooth and strong. And she has some barren wastelands, where no signal at all makes it across. If she ends up with a four-lane highway for empathy, she will feel every emotion for those around her as though it were her own. By contrast, if she has a wasteland for empathy, she will be emotionally blind, forever saying the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong person – not out of malice, but simply out of an inability to pick up the frequency of the emotional signals being sent. Likewise if she has a four-lane highway for confrontation, she will be that lucky person whose brain just hands her one perfect word after another during the heat of a debate. If she has a wasteland for confrontation, she will find that her brain always shuts her mouth down at the most crucial moments. As Christians, we are in the de-programming/re-programming business. We are getting people’s minds off “the broad road” that leads to destruction, and onto the path that leads to life. Mental models that have been constructed often need to be torn down. Instead there needs to be a four-lane highway developed of love, joy, peace, etc. (the fruit of the Spirit).
Distortion #5: Jumping to conclusions:
a. Mind-reading – you arbitrarily assume that people are reacting negatively to you;
b. Fortune-telling – you arbitrarily predict that things will turn out badly.
Mind Reading: You make the assumption that other people are looking down on you, and you’re so convinced about this that you don’t even bother to check it out. This self-defeating pattern may set up a negative interaction in a relationship when none exists in the first place.
Example 1: Suppose you are giving an excellent lecture, and you notice that a man in the front row is nodding off. He was up most of the night on a wild fling, but you of course don’t know this. You might have the thought, “This audience thinks I am a bore.”
Example 2: Suppose a friend passes you on the street and fails to say hello because he is so absorbed in his thoughts he doesn’t notice you. You might erroneously conclude, “He is ignoring me so he must not like me anymore.”
Example 3: Perhaps your spouse is unresponsive one evening because he or she was criticized at work and is too upset to want to talk about it. Your heart sinks because of the way you interpret the silence: “He (or she) is mad at me. What did I do wrong?”
The Fortune–Teller Error: You imagine that something bad is about to happen, and you take this prediction as a fact even though it is unrealistic.
Example 1: A high-school librarian repeatedly told herself during anxiety attacks, “I’m going to pass out or go crazy.” These predictions were unrealistic because she had never once passed out (or gone crazy) in her entire life.
Example 2: During a therapy session an acutely depressed physician explained why he was giving up his practice: “I realize I’ll be depressed forever. My misery will go on and on, and I’m absolutely convinced that this or any treatment will be doomed to failure.” His improvement soon after initiating therapy indicated just how off-base his fortune telling had been.
Evaluate for Conclusion Jumping:
1. You telephone a friend and he fails to return your call after a reasonable time. You then feel depressed when you tell yourself that your friend probably got the message but wasn’t interested enough to call you back. You don’t call back, because you think, “He’ll think I’m obnoxious if I call him back again.”
What are the errors here? What would be healthier thinking?
2. You are asked to bake a pie for a church function. You reply, “I can’t. I can’t cook anymore.”
What is the error here? What would be healthier thinking?
3. You get hot at your husband when he chooses to stay home and watch a football game on TV rather than go to a concert with you. You feel miffed because you told yourself, “He doesn’t love me. He always gets his way. It’s unfair.”
What are the errors here? What would be healthier thinking?
James 4:11-17
Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you --who are you to judge your neighbor? Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.
If we jump to conclusions about our brothers or our future we are in an area for which we are not qualified. We don’t have enough information. Only God does.
Look Before You Leap
1. At the People involved (v.11)
Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it.
“brothers” - assume the best, not the worst
2. At the Principles involved (vv.11,12)
When we speak against a brother, we attempt to:
1) Do something that God has asked us not to do
Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it (11b).
slander kata laleo (not reasoned) - wagging your tongue speak against kata lego (more reasoned) - deliberate judging
2) Do something that God himself is to do
There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and Destroy (12a).
3) Do something that we are not equipped to do
But you --who are you to judge your neighbor? (12b)
3. At the Presumption involved (vv.13-17)
1) We don’t have control over our own lives, much less someone else’s.
Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. (13,14)
2) God does have control over our lives, and theirs.
You ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." (15)
Distortion #6: Magnification or minimization: You blow things way out of proportion or you shrink their importance.
Dr. Burns refers to this as the “binocular trick.” When you look at your own errors, fears, or imperfections you exaggerate their importance. You “catastrophize” commonplace negative events into nightmarish monsters.
When you think about your strengths you turn the binoculars around so that things look small and insignificant. If you magnify your imperfections and
minimize your good points you are sure to feel inferior. But the problem isn’t you, it’s the crazy lens you are wearing!
Example 1: You are waiting for a bus and you have an important meeting. You tell yourself, “I can’t take this!”
Example 2: Someone criticizes you. You get upset and think, “I never do anything right.”
Example 3: You are asked how your business is doing. You say, “We’re in trouble. There’s just no way that we can pay all the bills.”
Example 4: You do not enjoy riding on trains. As you climb on board you think, “What if I get so upset that I pass out?”
Example 5: You spill a drink on yourself at a party and you tell yourself, “My gosh! This is terrible!”
Example 6. You are at the beach, when the thought occurs to you, “All these people have such better looking physiques than me! Everyone is going to stare at me and think I’m a dork.”
Example 7: Your spouse calls mid-way through your day and asks how things are going. You exclaim, “I’ve got so much to do!”
Change or Die
Alan Deutschman wrote Change or Die. He contends that most would rather die than change their behavior.
He cites health care as an example. 80% of what we’re spending on health care relates to 5 things that we can change:
1. Smoking 2. Drinking
3. Eating too much, or the wrong things 4. Stress
5. Exercise
Sadly, nine out of ten will not make changes in these areas. As Howard Hendricks said, “It’s easier to get Israel out of Egypt than Egypt out of Israel.”
There are three prerequisites for changing your life:
1. Believe that you can change…that you can do it. Skip all of the quitting and go right into trying.
2. Start thinking a different way...come up with different options.
3. Develop skills…practice and repetition
Change Means Change
Change isn’t change unless something changes. Midas Dekkers says, “To learn something, one first has to unlearn something old. So learning is twice as much work for an old person as it is for a person with no experience.”
There is no growth without change, There is no change without loss, There is no loss without pain.
What loss or pain might someone experience when ridding their thinking of cognitive distortions?
D + V + F > I
Novaco Anger Scale
0 – You would feel little or no annoyance 1 – You would feel a little irritated
2 – You would feel moderately upset 3 – You would feel quite angry 4 – You would feel very angry
1. You unpack an appliance you have just bought, plug it in, and discover that it doesn’t work. ________
2. Being overcharged by a repairman who have you over a barrel. ________
3. Being singled out for correction, when the actions of others go unnoticed. ________
4. Getting your car stuck in the mud or snow. ________
5. You are talking to someone and they don’t answer you. ________
6. Someone pretends to be something they are not. ________
7. While you are struggling to carry four cups of coffee to your table at a cafeteria, someone bumps into you, spilling the coffee. ________
8. You have hung up your clothes, but someone knocks them to the floor and fails to pick them up. ________
9. You are hounded by a salesperson from the moment you walk into a store. ________
10. You have made arrangements to go somewhere with a person who backs off at the last minute and leaves you hanging. ________
11. Being joked about or teased. ________
12. Your car is stalled at a traffic light, and the guy behind you keeps blowing his horn. ________
13. You accidentally make the wrong kind of turn in a parking lot. As you get out of your car someone yells at you, “Where did you learn to drive?” ________
15. You are trying to concentrate, but a person near you is tapping their foot. ________
16. You lend someone an important book or too, and they fail to return it. ________
17. You have had a busy day, and the person you live with starts to complain about how you forgot to do something that you agreed to do. ________
18. You are trying to discuss something important with your mate or partner who isn’t giving you a chance to express your feelings. ________
19. You are in a discussion with someone who persists in arguing about a topic they know very little about. ________
20. Someone sticks his or her nose into an argument between you and someone else. ________
21. You need to get somewhere quickly, but the car in front of you is going 25 mph in a 40 mph zone, and you can’t pass. ________
22. Stepping on a gob of chewing gum. ________
23. Being mocked by a small group of people as you pass them. ________
24. In a hurry to get somewhere, you tear a good pair of slacks on a sharp object. ________
25. You use your last dime to make a phone call, but you are disconnected before you finish dialing and the dime is lost. ________
0-45 The amount of anger and annoyance you generally experience is remarkably low.
46-55 You are substantially more peaceful than the average person.
56-75 You respond to life’s annoyances with an average amount of anger.
76-85 You frequently react in an angry way to life’s many annoyances. You are substantially more irritable than the average person.
86-100 You are a true anger champion, and you are plagued by frequent intense furious reactions that do not quickly disappear.
Ten Things You Should Know About Your Anger
1. The events of this world don’t make you angry…Even when a genuinely negative event occurs, it is the meaning you attach to it that determines your emotional response.
2. Most of the time your anger will not help you. It will immobilize you… 3. The thoughts that generate anger more often than not will contain
distortions. Correcting these distortions will reduce your anger. 4. Ultimately your anger is caused by your belief that someone is acting
unfairly or some event is unjust. The intensity of the anger will increase in proportion to the severity of the maliciousness perceived and if the act is seen as intentional.
5. If you learn to see the world through other people’s eyes, you will often be surprised to realize their actions are not unfair from their point of view. The unfairness in these cases turns out to be an illusion that exists only in your mind.
6. Other people usually do not feel they deserve your punishment. Therefore, your retaliation is unlikely to help you achieve any positive goals in your interactions with them.
7. A great deal of your anger involves your defense against loss of self-esteem when people criticize you, disagree with you, or fail to behave as you want them to. Such anger is always inappropriate because only your own negative distorted thoughts can cause you to lose self-esteem. 8. Frustration results from unmet expectations. Since the event that
disappointed you was a part of “reality” it was “realistic.” Thus, your frustration always results from unrealistic expectation.
9. It is just childish pouting to insist that you have the right to be angry. Of course you do! Anger is legally permitted in the United States. The crucial issue is – is it to your advantage to feel angry?
10. You rarely need your anger to be human. It is not true that you will be an unfeeling robot without it. In fact, when you rid yourself of that sour irritability, you will feel greater zest, joy, peace and productivity.
E + R = O
Event + Response = Outcome
• You have 0% control over the event • You have 100% control over your response • You have 100% control over your outcome
It is not negative events, but your perceptions and thoughts about these events that create your emotional response. While we have no control over external events, we do have control over internal events.
The Triangle
Thoughts
Events Feelings
Suppose that after a hectic day you put your two-year-old child to sleep in his crib for the night. You close his bedroom door and sit down to relax and watch
television. Twenty minutes later he suddenly opens the door to his room and walks out giggling. You might react to this in a variety of ways, depending on the meaning you attach to it. If you feel irritated, you’re probably thinking, “He’s always a bother. Why can’t he stay in bed and behave like he should? He never gives me a minute’s rest.” On the other hand, you could be delighted to see him pop out of his room because you’re thinking, “Great! He just crawled out of his crib on his own for the first time. He’s growing up and getting more
independent.” The event is the same in both cases. Your emotional reaction is determined entirely by the way you are thinking about the situation.
Distortion #7: Emotional reasoning: You reason from how you feel. You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are. “I feel it, therefore it must be true.” You take your emotions as evidence for the truth. This kind of reasoning is misleading because your feelings reflect your thoughts and beliefs. If they are distorted – as is quite often the case – your emotions will have no validity.
A friend of mine likes to say, “Just because you feel offended doesn’t mean you’re right.” This statement is a direct assault on emotional reasoning. Your feelings don’t determine reality, just your relative state of comfort or discomfort.
Examples of Emotional Reasoning include:
• “I feel guilty. Therefore, I must have done something bad.”
• “I feel overwhelmed and hopeless. Therefore, my problems must be impossible to solve.”
• “I feel inadequate. Therefore, I must be inadequate.”
• “I’m not in the mood to do anything. Therefore, I might as well just lie in bed.”
• “I’m mad at you. This proves that you’ve been acting rotten and trying to take advantage of me.”
Emotional Reasoning plays a role in nearly all depressions. Because things feel so negative to you, you assume they truly are. It doesn’t occur to you to
challenge the validity of the perceptions that create your feelings. Burns says, “your emotions will often result from distorted thoughts that have no more validity than the grotesque images in the curved mirrors at an amusement park.”
Emotions make a good passenger, but a lousy driver. For example, you avoid cleaning your desk because you tell yourself, “I feel so lousy when I think about that messy desk.” Six months later you finally give yourself a little push and do it. It turns out to be quite gratifying and not so tough at all. You were fooling
yourself all along because you are in the habit of letting your negative feelings guide the way you act.
If you’re involved in Emotional Reasoning, you may find it helpful to examine the evidence, conduct a survey, or do an experiment.
Examine the Evidence
Instead of assuming that a negative thought is true, examine the actual evidence for it.
The Survey Method Do a survey to find out if your thoughts and attitudes are realistic.
The Experimental Technique
Do an experiment to test the validity of your negative thought.
