M A R R I A G E, D I V O R C E & R E M A R R I A G E W I T H I N T H E C H U R C H

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M A R R I A G E , D I V O R C E &

R E M A R R I A G E

W I T H I N T H E C H U R C H

A P O S I T I O N P A P E R F O R

H A R V E S T B I B L E C H A P E L

H A R V E S T B I B L E C H A P E L ,

, O R L A N D O

O R L A N D O

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OVERVIEW STATEMENT

Unfortunately for many couples, their wedding day is the culmination and pinnacle of the love they share, for after they marry, things will never be quite as blissful or carefree. As the romance and infatuation wanes, and “reality” emerges, things will become unpleasant and even unbearable. The bond of matrimony becomes the bond of imprisonment – but then it’s only a temporary sentence (for goodness sakes!) because “We can always get

divorced.” And so it goes with our “modern” and progressive culture. This notion is captured in the ironic quote from the marriage of Prince Charles and Diana Stewart.

“Here is the stuff of which fairy tales are made, the prince and princess on their wedding day. But fairy tales usually end at this point with the simple phrase, ‘They lived happily ever after.’ This may be because fairy tales regard marriage as an anticlimax after the romance of courtship. This is not the Christian view. Our faith sees the wedding day not as a place of arrival but the place where the adventure begins.”

-- Robert Runcie, Archbishop of Canterbury

Unfortunately for Charles and Di, this was not their perspective, the fairy tale did end, and this is the trend within our culture and within the people of our churches.

Divorce is an ugly and devastating process for anyone involved – even those trying to regulate it and interpret it from God’s Word have struggles seeing eye-to-eye on the matter.

To arrive at guidelines for dealing with issues of divorce within our church, this document will briefly define governing statements regarding marriage, divorce, and remarriage. Next, the passages most significant within the discussion will be reviewed. After this analysis, our position will be outlined.

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THE FUNDAMENTALS

Marriage

Definition & Summary:

The covenant vows made between a man and a woman, whereby they pledge their sole allegiance, after God, to one another only. This spouse will be their primary relationship as long as they shall live, supporting them physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

Marriage was designed by God as the primary and fundamental element or institution, upon which, society on planet earth would be established. (Genesis 1:27; 2:24)

Marriage, in God’s eyes was designed as one woman, for one man, for one lifetime. It is a relationship between two for pleasure, procreation, and protection. (Genesis 2:24)

Divorce

Contrary to some opinions, the concept of divorce is biblical. However the way it is handled is not necessarily or always done in a biblical way. Or as has been said, “Every divorce is the result of sin, but every divorce is not sinful.” (Adams, 30)

Although God hates divorce, he allows it under certain conditions, and has even modeled it in his treatment of Israel. (Malachi 2:16; Jeremiah 3:8) Remarriage

In Romans 7:3, 1 Corinthians 7:8, and 1 Timothy 5:14, Paul suggests and even commands the remarriage (marriage) option for widows/widowers (and marriage for the unmarried).

Though we would not desire to over-extrapolate this meaning, we would suggest from these texts that remarriage in some cases, was acceptable and even encouraged – thus it should be the same for us as well. Scripture

therefore does not view remarriage as a foreign or base concept, and therefore we should not either.

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KEY BIBLICAL ACCOUNT

Deuteronomy 24:1-4

24:1 “WHEN a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds

no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, 2 and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man’s wife, 3 and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife, 4 then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife,

since she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and

you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God gives you as an

inheritance. Comments

This passage is the background for Jesus’ discussion with the Pharisees, and therefore becomes a key text in understanding His words and

response to them.

The highlighted phrase represents an important component in this passage. The Hebrew interpretation can include a variety of potential offenses – offenses against a dissatisfied husband whose grudge could be as simple as burnt toast to something more extreme such as sexually inappropriate behavior. The passage is not describing the use of the divorce certificate and its convenience for men who grow tired of their brides, but serves as a critique of the carelessness by which men treated women. The judgment or sin ultimately is shown to come back upon the man who originally dismissed her. “It is an abomination.” Why? Because the marriage vow was never actually severed.

The Pharisees understood Moses to be giving permission or even commanding divorce for some kind of indecency. Moses did not give such license, but instead was describing a situation where a woman was sent away for such a meaningless cause. The only command given is in verse 4, where Moses says that she is not to remarry the first husband. The bottom line?

 Meaningless reasons to divorce result in judgment.

 Moses permitted divorce, but did not prescribe it.

 Women need protection from men and their fickle hard hearts.

 Adultery, and those sins which destroy marriages, are an

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Matthew 19:3-12

3 And some Pharisees came to Him, testing Him, and saying, “Is it lawful for

a man to divorce his wife for any cause at all?” 4 And He answered and said,

“Have you not read, that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM

MALE AND FEMALE, 5 and said, ‘FOR THIS CAUSE A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS

FATHER AND MOTHER, AND SHALL CLEAVE TO HIS W IFE; AND THE TW O SHALL

BECOME ONE FLESH’? 6 “Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh.

What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” 7 They *said

to Him, “Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF

DIVORCE AND SEND her AW AY?” 8 He *said to them, “Because of your

hardness of heart, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. 9 “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” 10 The disciples *said to Him, “If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.” 11 But He said to them, “Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 “For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother’s womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it.”

Comments

It should be noted that the Pharisees were questioning Christ to “test” him. With John the Baptist dead for questioning Herod's marriage, the Pharisees thought they could lure Christ into the same accusations against the King. If the “king trick” didn’t work, perhaps they thought they could trap him between the two sides of the divorce debate among the conservative and liberal rabbis – those who read Deuteronomy as sexual sin only vs. those who believed divorce for any reason was permissible.

The “exception clause” (as it has been termed) in this passage makes it clear that the only legitimate reason for divorce according to Christ was “pornei,” or sexual sin (not limited to the sex act only, but certainly including it).

At the same time, Christ reminds the Pharisees that they have

misunderstood the words of Moses. He “allowed” divorce, though he did not command it. Also, Christ notes that this was not God’s intent from the beginning. Marriage was meant for life, but because of the hardness of their hearts (not the sexual sin) Moses permitted them to divorce.

Marriage is and was meant for life. God’s heart is that “no man would separate” a marriage He had put together.

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Bottom-line?

 God’s design is for marriage for life between one man and one

woman.

 We shouldn’t try to separate what God has put together.

 God allows/permits divorce because of the hardness of man’s

heart, but it is not what God intended.

 Divorce is acceptable when sexual immorality has occurred,

though not commanded. 1 Corinthians 7:1-16

8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. 9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn. 10 But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband 11 (but if she does leave, let her remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not send his wife away. 12 But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she

consents to live with him, let him not send her away. 13 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, let her not send her husband away. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. 15 Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

Comments

Paul’s teaching in this passage explains the other “exception” clause or consideration when discussing divorce. In this case, Paul is referring to those married to a non-believer. If the non-believer decides to leave or dissert the believing spouse, the believer may let them go. If they do, they are not bound by the marriage and are free to remarry. Of course part of the application problem with this, is the term

“dissert.” Is it emotional, physical, financial desertion? And to what degree? If a non-believing husband squanders the family savings on gambling, loses his job, and ignores his wife and kids, yet still “lives” at home…has he “disserted” his family?

What is the intent of the passage? What is the intent of the marriage? I would argue the intent of marriage is to uphold the vows you have

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taken before God and men, and as Scripture says, we should not be slow in fulfilling our vows. Even if our “desertion” is not a physical moving out of the house desertion, the spouse is breaking the vows that they have made. They are not fulfilling their duties as a spouse. With the help of church elders leveraging reason and compassion as a first step, the second step would be to make clear to all parties involved that one person in the relationship was living as if the vows and commitments were never spoken. This disregard for the marriage covenant has been broken. When the offending spouse has been pursued for reconciliation and appeal, and it has come to no avail, and the eldership of a local body have labored in the process, I believe it is in their hands to determine if legitimate desertion has occurred.

Bottom-line?

 For the Christian couple, divorce is never desirable and never

inevitable.

 Believers may divorce when deserted by an unbelieving spouse.

 If they are able to stay together, God uses that to sanctify the

family.

 God’s first desire is always for reconciliation.

 These are decisions we should not make alone – i.e., we should

encourage the believing church members to access any and all means or resources that might have a chance to resolve the problem of desertion.

Matthew 18:15-17 & 2 Corinthians 5:18-21

15 “And if your brother sins, go and reprove him in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. 16 “But if he does not listen to you, take one

or two more with you, so that BY THE MOUTH OF TW O OR THREE W ITNESSES

EVERY FACT MAY BE CONFIRMED. 17 “And if he refuses to listen to them, tell it

to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax-gatherer.

18 Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ, and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, 19 namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation. 20 Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were entreating through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. 21 He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

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Comments

The point of including these passage is to acknowledge two key components in any potential divorce: 1) the process that discipline should follow, and 2) the heart that should be on reconciliation.

Divorce is a horrible thing to deal with for all involved, and it is often the easy out of hard situations or seasons in marriage. As a family of God, we must leverage everything we can to come along those

contemplating divorce, and seek to offer counsel and correction. God’s heart is always for reconciling the estranged couple. Even Hosea was told to go back and buy his wife out of the marketplace – what a

tremendous picture of God’s redemptive love – His unconditional love that He has shown to us and that we should show towards one another. Reconciliation is always God’s first desire for an estranged couple. It should be our goal and desire to see couples work through problems, offer forgiveness, and allow God to heal and restore broken

relationships. As the church can, they must leverage their authority in the lives of members when such situations arise. Many times problems go unresolved or fester when believers are not pushed to follow-through with the process of communication and forgiveness.

Bottom-line?

 If there is sin involved, or stubbornness displayed, the church

and/or believing loved ones around the divorcees should do what they can to help reconcile the marriage.

 Church discipline should be followed to insure that all means

possible have been exhausted before a divorce in finalized.

 Church members should be encouraged to submit to their elders

and/or those in authority over their lives – not simply decide for themselves that this won’t work.

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SYNTHESIZING & SUMMARIZING THOUGHTS…

Divorce is a hurtful and painful process that strikes at the core and

foundation that God has built our society upon, the marriage…the family. The following outline summarizes many of these ideas for the body to review:

A. Marriage

1. is a divinely-ordained institution

2. is the first and most fundamental institution

3. is covenantal and binding

4. is a covenant of companionship

5. is the place for true intimacy

6. is to conform to the model of Christ and His church

B. Divorce:

1. although divorce is always the result sin, every divorce is

not sinful

2. always breaks a marriage

3. is never necessary among believers

4. is legitimate on the grounds of sexual sin

5. is legitimate when an unbeliever wish to divorce a believer

6. is forgivable when sinful

C. Remarriage:

1. in general, is permitted and sometimes encouraged

2. is possible for a divorced person

3. is possible only when all biblical obligations have been met

4. is possible only when those parties are prepared for

marriage (Adams)

Unfortunately we all stumble in many way, and this is one of those ways. Without minimizing the awfulness and evil effect of divorce, we must also embrace those going through that which within the church is often a

stigmatized issue. We must love and help others walk in the newness of life that Christ desires for each one of us.

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Sources Used:

Adams, Jay. Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the Bible. Zondervan Publishing, Grand Rapids. 1980.

Feinberg, John & Feinberg, Paul. Ethics for a Brave New World. Crossway Books, Wheaton. 1983.

Grudem, Wayne. “An Analysis of Bill Gothard’s Position on Divorce.” Bethel College Position Paper. 1980.

House, Wayne. ed. Divorce and Remarriage: Four Christian Views. InterVarsity Press, Downers Grove. 1990.

Stott, John. Involvement: Social and Sexual Relationships in the Modern World. Vol II. The Revell Company, Old Tappan. 1985.