Class 1 Transcription
Matt Cook and Heather
Every couple's relationship is unique. This special report provides
suggestions that are known to work for the majority of our society.
However, some or all of the suggestions may not be appropriate for your
situation. Anything that doesn't sound correct for you probably isn't. You
may need to seek professional counseling for your specific relationship
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While the author and publisher have used reasonable efforts to include
accurate and up-to-date information in this report, there are no
warranties, or representations as to the accuracy of such information and
no guarantee or promise about effects and treatment of any relationship
is given. The information provided in this report is for guidance only and
if your relationship problems are serious you should be under supervision
of a qualified therapist, counselor, or doctor.
Before undertaking any new sexual techniques, you should seek medical
advice from your physician, family doctor, or a qualified practitioner.
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or may not be followed at your own risk. Any liability for any impact,
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Matt: All right. Let’s start. All right, so, we’re going to talk about, what we’re going to talk about here, today, you’re going to discover how to become fearless in bed, and what fun that will be, how to last 30 minutes or longer, and stay hard, even if you haven’t been able to in the past. We’re going to talk about a simple way to practice solo methods, so that you can cultivate your, your mojo on your own, and even before you have a partner, or if you don’t have a partner. You’re going to learn a much better way to have sex, where you engage frequently for a long time, 30 to 60 minutes, three or more times a night. Doesn’t that sound fun? It really is.
All right. What, for me, what sex used to look like for a long, long time was, I would have a, I would have a good time, basically, but it wouldn’t last very long, and sometimes, like maybe every year, or sometimes more frequently, I would have some ED for maybe four, five days at a time. That wasn’t much fun, and I would be all stressing out all the time about what was going to happen, and I be thinking about it all the time, and my thoughts, day and night, would be
dominated by it. Then, I would sort of relax, and kind of let things kind of go back to the flow, and then, after that, they would be okay.
That was kind of tedious, and then, the other thing was that our frequency was declining, and we just lost interest. I would say I lost interest, a great deal. I would say that I just became less interested. I’ve noticed, with a lot of guys, that, and I’ve found out the reasons for this, that a lot of guys who are with the same partner, over a period of time, lose interest in her.
They just start looking at other women as being more interesting, and they, although they don’t want to, they just sort of end up seeing their wife or their girlfriend in the light of being kind of a little boring, and kind of uninteresting, and the sex becomes mechanical, and not very interesting, and less and less satisfying. That was how I felt as well. That was my experience.
So, we did things less and less often. So, as this happened, and now that I recognize it as desensitization had really set in, our sex became, I would say, rougher, and kind of more, like, I call it pile driving, kind of pile driving sex, really hard, and kind of fast, and kind of made up for the lack of sensation that we both felt.
So, I didn’t, although she did, she liked that, I didn’t, and I liked it too, but, I can’t say I loved it because it felt weird, and afterwards, I didn’t feel that good about it. I guess, I felt like something wasn’t right, and I didn’t feel right about it. One thing that I think is really critical about sex is that you should feel better
afterwards. You should feel really good afterwards, and I mean, really good about your partner, really good about yourself, really good about everything. If
you don’t, then you should really notice that. You should notice that, and you should think about that, and what it is, and really reflect on that. So, the feeling you have afterwards is really important.
Some guys will have a particular sexual session with somebody, maybe someone new, and they don’t feel that good about it afterwards. Yes, it was fun, but they just don’t feel that good. So, they then observe that, and think about that carefully, and that helps them guide their future in doing the things the way they want to do them, so they feel good afterwards.
So, I noticed with this sort of rough sex, sort of pile driving sex, that I didn’t feel that great afterwards. Plus, by the way, there were little things, like, she would get frequent urinary tract infections or yeast infections, and then, so, just little things like that, which I’ve learned, since then, were kind of all connected. Then, the last thing, I’d say, about how it used to look like is that I would be, only try a few positions because I would go soft if I tried other positions, and I felt like I didn’t have any confidence. I just didn’t. I didn’t even have confidence with other women, not that I had sex with other women because I’ve been married a long time, and I’ve been very faithful, but, I didn’t feel confident if I did have an encounter with another woman, I didn’t feel like I would actually be able to have a really good time. I just felt a lack of confidence, completely.
So, that changed a lot, and the changes I discover are the things that I’m going to be showing you. So, I just want to, want to tell you what it looks like, today. We have a lot of intercourse, today. Not so much oral sex. We don’t really do anal, but mostly intercourse, but we do a lot, like four times a week, 30 minutes or longer each time, sometimes an hour. We have a lot of intimacy between. I mean, we have an incredibly loving relationship. We always have, but it was much, incredibly better in the last, long, month-to-month, lots of hugging, and kissing, and intimacy all the time.
When we have sex, we do it in various positions, and I do have a few favorites, but, it doesn’t matter what position or anything. It makes no difference to me anymore. Absolutely total confidence in sex, and the whole area of sex, and everything is, all the, all of the stuff I used to worry about, completely gone. I know I could do this with anybody if I wanted to, and my, as far as erections go, it’s kind of a cliché for guys. They think, “Oh, I have to be rock hard,” but, what I’ve discovered is that, actually, the best erections are sort of semi-hard. They’re, it might start off rock hard, but I really want to, I’ll end up semi-hard, which is, it’s pretty hard, but, you have a lot more feeling that way. You don’t really have a lot of feeling when your penis is rock hard.
I don’t think a woman feels as much that way either, by the way. So, we tend to kind of, an erection always changes, and that’s the thing that men have to realize, that, when you realize this, erections, they’ll go from really hard, to hard, to a little bit less than hard, to softer. They’re always changing. The result of this blood flow, and this nitric oxide, and all this wonderful chemistry, and
they’re not designed to be the same all the time. They’re actually designed to be different.
So, they’re ever changing, and that’s just totally normal. So, I would say, draw my, a little chart, here, I would say, between very hard and totally soft. It’s kind of like that, like a wave. It doesn’t get completely soft, and it sometimes is completely hard, but, I kind of like it in this mid-range the best. Everybody does. That’s the best thing, and it’s almost, it’s a weird thing, but, it’s almost like my penis sort of is, sometimes I think about a snake. It kind of snakes in, and kind of explores her vagina in a really cool way, and it’s not, it’s just different than a piston coming in. It doesn’t feel that way to me anymore. It’s a really nice feeling, so, that’s what it looks like right now.
So, we have a lot of frequency, we have incredible, an incredible time. We’re never bored, it’s never boring, and that’s, basically, what you can be, and where you should be. So, that’s what we’re going to talk about, how to get there. I think it’s important for me to explain that because I think it should be very clear about where I’m at, and so, you can see that I know what I’m talking about, and I’ve helped a lot of people get to this point, and I can help you get to this point, and I will. That’s why I wanted to spend a little time covering this part.
So, let’s go on. Let’s talk about how to last 30 minutes. So, in this section, I want to talk about how to last for 30 minutes, and three steps that we’re going to talk about to lasting 30 minutes or longer. The first step is to stay in the arousal zone, but not too far near the edge, and I think what I’ve heard about this is, I think I’ve heard a really good analogy for this.
The analogy is, whoops. The analogy of that is that when you’re in the, having sex with your partner is like being in the lake, and there’s this waterfall. The waterfall is the orgasm, and what you want to do is, you swim around the lake, and it’s fun, and you can swim around the lake for a long time, and then, you can decide to go down the waterfall when you’re doing this this way.
Or, you can swim near the waterfall, and you can have fun near the waterfall, and then, you feel this strong current that’s pulling you over the edge, but you resist that current, and that’s a higher, higher arousal, where, you’re close to the orgasm, but you don’t have one together. Maybe, you both go over the
of play near that strong current that’s right near the edge of the point where you’re going to have an orgasm, or the point of no return.
So, as you start with this, I suggest that you start monitoring your arousal. Then, we’re going to get good at figuring, always consciously being conscious of how close you are to the edge so that you can play in that zone as long as you want. That’s the secret of having sex for a long time. It’s playing in that zone where you last for a long time, perhaps, closer to the waterfall, closer to the edge, perhaps, further away from the edge depending on how you feel.
Then, at some point, you’re going over the waterfall. That’s best way of
explaining it, really. So, in order to do that you have to monitor your arousal and be aware of your arousal, so, we’re going to show you how to do that. That’s the first thing.
The second step is, as a man, focusing on your root, and staying continuously relaxed. Oh, Heather?
Matt: Yes, I’m getting some folk saying that there’s some noise on your end, something, maybe the microphone is near papers or something that, I’m not sure.
Heather: I don’t know. I can’t figure out.
Matt: Maybe it’s coming from another source. Okay. So, the second step is the focusing on your route, and staying relaxed, continually, by doing that. Most guys will focus more on their partner. I’m going to show you how that is, actually, a mistake, and that, once you realize this, you start focusing a certain way on yourself, your partner is much more satisfied, and you have much, much better sex, and you last a long time, and you stay hard. It just changes
everything. With actually, a lot of guys have been making this mistake all along. The third step to lasting 30 minutes or longer is to keep your, keep breathing correctly because we end up breathing incorrectly, and that breathing will throw us over the edge much too soon, or, we are unable to stay hard, or whatever, as a result. So, those are basically the three steps that we’re going to be talking about in different ways.
So, let’s talk about the arousal scale, right now, because I think that’s very important. So, on the arousal scale, zero is no arousal, ten is an orgasm time. Like I said, the playing around in the lake and the waterfall, the further away you are from the lake, or the waterfall, the lower you are in arousal, so, zero is where
you are when you’re not aroused at all, and ten is when you have an orgasm. The secret of this thing is monitoring arousal so you can last longer and decide, basically, when you’re going to get more aroused to the point where you’re going to have an orgasm.
I like to stick in the five, six, seven range, so, eight or nine, it tends to lead to a really quick orgasm, eight, nine, or ten. I try to stay away from that. I may end up at an eight, occasionally, but, I won’t go over eight (laughs). I’ll show you how to, how to fix this, and how you’re going to be able to not only, and kind of be as aroused as really want to be.
It certainly is really, really fun to be in eight or nine, but it doesn’t last very long. So, the thing that most guys are doing is they’re not really understanding how arousal works, and so, they’re allowing themselves to get too aroused, too quickly, and not backing off. So, I will tell you that, at the beginning of doing this, the five, six, or seven may not seem like it’s very much of anything. You might feel just numb, but if you stick with it after a while, you’ll start getting more and more feeling associated with that, even being in that zone.
So, the desensitization that is present, right now, will gradually get better and better as you pursue this. So, don’t worry if you don’t really feel that much, right now. You’ll feel more and more as you go along, but, the critical thing is you start being aware of your arousal, and I’m going to give you some exercises to do to start, immediately, to do solo work in moderating your arousal, and being conscious of it.
If you have a partner, it you’re fortunate enough to have a partner, you are engaging in sex, you can start by just monitoring this right now, and just kind of being aware of it. It sounds, maybe, very clinical and very scientific, but it isn’t. I don’t, I’m not in bed thinking about this consciously. I’m monitoring other things, but, at the beginning, it’s like learning to drive.
Remember how you learned to drive, and you had to, remember how tough it was learning how to drive? You had to remember so many things, and that’s because the way the brain works, when you’re first learning something. I’m going to draw my famous picture of the brain, here. When you, this is like the mind is here, and the conscious part is the small part of the brain on the outside. When you first learn something, you have to, it has to go in and come out of that part of the brain. It takes a lot of effort.
After a while, there are these cells up here called the basal ganglia, and they take over, and then, you don’t have to think about it anymore. You’re constantly doing it. Ever since I, it’s like I’m driving, and I’m alert, but, I’m always amazed at how much I can think about and be, not even really with my mind, I’m not even
driving the car, and yet, I’m driving perfectly well. I’m observing like, “How does the brain do that?”
Same thing, here. So, at the beginning, I want you to really monitor your arousal really carefully, and you’ll even think about the number. After a while, you won’t be thinking about that anymore. This is sort of like training wheels to get you going on it. The purpose of it is so that you’re conscious of how aroused you’re getting at all times, and that you don’t let yourself get unconsciously too aroused to be able to come back.
Some guys, on the call, have trouble maintaining an erection, or being hard at all, and I’m going to talk about solutions to that, but, you, in any event, it’s always critically important to monitor your arousal, and using this arousal scale is very, very important. So, that’s why I wanted to start with that. Does that all, does that make sense?
Great. Excellent. So, let’s move on and talk about one trick that can really, you can practice every day to improve your erections. (long pause) All right, so this is one trick that you can practice every day to improve your erections.
This is something that has been proven, time and again, to actually improve a man’s erectile strength, and improve the quality of erections. It also improves your prostate. It improves your health, overall, of your whole genital area. It improves your urination, your elimination, and everything else.
So, as it turns out, if you think about it, people normally think about it, but, the human body, this is like the head, and this is your neck, and then, there’s this torso here, and there’s all these organs here. Well, there’s a lot of weight there, and so, all that weight is born by what’s called a pelvic floor. That’s all the, basically, at your pubic bone, it’s, basically, all your organs sit on top of this structure, the pelvic floor.
So, there’s actually some strong muscles, there, at the pelvic floor, and those muscles are the primary muscles. I mean, there’s various ones, and there’s a ligament called the inguinal ligament, and all that, but, basically, what we’re going to be talking about is strengthening the muscles of the pelvic floor, primarily the PC muscle. I’m going to talk about that, but the thing is, this is a tremendous help for every area of your male health, every area.
Now, women do kegal exercises. It’s pretty much the same thing. They have other benefits from them, but men have to start doing kegal exercises. So, here’s how you start. I’ve had people say, “I don’t really know how to do kegals. I don’t really understand how to do them. I’ve heard about them, but I’m not sure I’m doing them right.” So, I’m going to show you how to do them right.
So, what you’re going to do is you’re going to sit in a hard chair. Now, the reason to do that, you don’t have to do that on a hard chair at all times, just to learn how to do them. I think it’s very helpful to start this way, just the first time or two. You can sit on a hard chair or you can sit on a bench, but it should be a hard, wooden bench or a chair, plastic or wood.
Basically, pretend you’re holding in a bowel movement, the best that I can describe it. Now, if you’re aware of it, if you put your hand right on your testicles, you’ll feel a little bit of, a little bit of muscular movement there. It’s a little bit. If your muscles are weak, you won’t feel much. But, what you do is, you focus on, basically, when you start, you’re just sort of tensing all the muscles there like you’re holding in a bowel movement.
Now, as you’re sitting there, focus on just the muscle that makes your testicles kind of move. That’s the one you really want to focus on, and your belly, make sure your abdomen, your belly, is relaxed, so you can put one hand on your belly. This will look a little funny. One han-, (laughs) one hand below your testicles, and sort of sense the movement in the muscle, there, that’s moving. That is what a kegal should be doing.
You just tense the muscle for a moment, and then, relax. Tense it up, and relax. Tense it up, and relax. If you’re naked, you might see your penis move up a little bit. As you’re muscle gets stronger, your penis will move a lot more, and it’ll be able to move, even against force. I mean, you can get really strong with this kegal. That’s the PC muscle. You can get really, really strong. The stronger you get, the better it is, so, that’s a good thing.
Okay. So, basically, you start of doing 10 reps or 15 reps, and then, you give it a rest. Then, you do another 10 reps or 15 reps, just each rep being like a squeeze. Then what you do is, go up to, maybe, do some 10-second reps or 20-second reps, where you squeeze and hold for 10 seconds and let go, always making sure that you’re tensing your abdomen, and that you’re really just moving the muscle that has to, to be involved, your testicles, the front part, not the rectal part. If you do tense your rectum a little bit, it’s okay, but you want to kind of learn to focus on the, the muscle, there, that actually moves your testicles and your penis. That is what, actually, will also help you in so many different ways. So, you’re going to do the short, some short sets, and then, you’ll work up to do some long sets, where you’re going to do a 10 or 20-second rep.
Don’t over train. I would say, you want to give this a break, maybe do this every other day. It’s a small muscle, and small muscles can be trained a lot more often than big muscles, so, you can probably do this every day. But, don’t over train.
You can do these anytime, anyplace. You can do them while you’re talking to people. You can do them while you’re in the car, driving. You can always do them.
So, that’s, basically, kind of how often that you want to do them. So, that’s really, really important. I can’t stress how important it is to really focus and do this. In about a month of your doing these exercises, your erections will be much stronger. If you haven’t had good erections, you’ll have better ones. It’ll make your, if you’re somebody that keeps getting up at night to urinate, it’ll make that a lot better. It makes a lot of things a lot better.
Here’s another way, once you’re doing this to practice. When you begin urinating, practice stopping and starting your urination. Practice stopping and starting your urine stream. It’s kind of fun. Make a game out of it, where you start and you stop, and you start and you stop. Practice making it go faster, and really pushing urine out, or just slowly dribbling and going back.
These are what engages the kegals, and there’s also, I forget the word, there’s another counteracting muscle that, that you use when you push urine out. It’s the opposite kind of muscle, which is usually very, very weak and hard to deal with. It doesn’t matter. If you, when you do this urination practice, it further engages the kegals. It’s a great way to go.
So, I think when you do that, that’s one of the most advanced and most important things you can do. When you build very, when you get very good at the kegals, what happens is, this, I’m going to draw my, sort of how this looks. There’s a, your prostate, here, and it feeds into your penis. There’s the little urethra there, you know? Basically, this muscle squeezes that, and so, guys who are, have strong kegals, if they’re actually ejaculating or starting to ejaculate, can shut that ejaculation off by just squeezing their kegals.
So, that prevents an ejaculation if, it’s a very, it’s not a gentle approach. It’s not going to harm most people, or harm men, but it’s not a gentle approach. It’s not what I, I’m going to show you, I recommend, particularly, but it does work, and it can be helpful, especially, sort of, as a gateway technique if you have a lot of premature ejaculations. So, there’s another benefit of the kegals, which is it can help you stop an ejaculation before it really happens by squeezing. So, that’s, again, another benefit of the kegals.
So, now what I want to do is, I want to talk about another method that we have, another step, here, which is, we talked about is breathing, which is terribly important in lasting a long time and staying hard for a long time. So, we’ll get to that right now.
So, here, we’re going to talk about how to last a lot longer by breath and by focus. Breath and focus, the kind of cornerstones of this. We’ve got monitoring your arousals at all times, and we’ve got breath and focus, and this is really going to be a life changer for a lot of guys. If you don’t, here is the thing, if you’re ready to cum, if you’re going to cum, generally, what you do is, you breathe really fast and shallowly, and you tense your muscles.
So, what we’re going to do is we’re going to do the opposite. We’re going to show you how to breathe differently than you do when you’re having an orgasm. We’re going to show you how not to tense your muscles like you’re having an orgasm, and we’re going to show you how to do a relaxation method so you can last 30 minutes or longer, even if you’ve had trouble getting an erection at all. I want to point out that breathing is a cornerstone to this because if you breathe slowly, and you breathe from your belly, what you do is, you actually make it so that your, you’ll actually last a lot longer, and your erections will be a lot better. I mean, it’s the real key to this, to lasting. It’s how we’re naturally designed to breathe, anyway.
So, what you’re going to want to do is you’re going to want to do two things when you breathe. You’re going to want to breathe through your belly, and you’re going to want to breathe through your nose. Some guys, who are, have medical issues, they’re, if you’re getting older, and you have, if you have some things like diabetes, or vascular issues, or you’re just not in good physical shape, you may not be able to breathe through your nose, or you may have problems with your nose, or you may have problems during sex, breathing through your nose, but, you want to strive to breathe through your nose as much as you can. You always want to try to breathe from your belly.
So, if you were to practice this, you can actually put your hand, with your palm on your, on your belly, and you can breathe by simply moving your belly out, and have your other hand on your chest, and your chest shouldn’t move at all. Just your belly should move, ideally. You want to breathe slowly, and so, what you want to do is you want to breathe so that you breathe slowly, but you want more air, but you don’t let yourself have more air, so, that’s a condition of air hunger, just a little bit of air hunger.
Air hunger really helps you last longer. It really is amazing. So, if you breathe slowly, and you, instead of inhaling, you pause, and you don’t inhale. Then, you inhale, and you breathe slowly out, you’ll find that you start wanting to breathe a little more faster. That’s when you don’t breathe faster, just continue that pattern, and you’re going to build up a little bit of air hunger. That’s very, very good for having very good erections, and lasting a long time.
What it does is it builds up the oxygen level in your blood, and delivers more oxygen to the tissues in your penis. So, by breathing deeply from your belly, you oxygenate at the bottom of your lungs, where your oxygen exchange and your blood is much, much better than it is in anywhere else in your lungs. Then, what you’re doing by building up a little air hunger is you actually improve the
oxygenation that’s happening in your tissues.
So, you will, you’ll breathe, you’ll actually oxygenate better, and this is a striking difference, a striking difference. Also, remembering to do this when you’re starting to get to the eight or nine on the arousal scale, you’re not going to, you’re not going to dump your wad like that because you’re going to be breathing slowly, and then, you can back off, and last, and stay hard.
So, the breathing is very, very helpful in doing that. Building a little air hunger, breathing through your belly, you’ll last a long time with that, and you won’t be breathing really fast. Recognizing that, you’re going to be, sex is a strenuous activity, and you’re going to be breathing faster than you normally would anyway, and depending on your overall condition, you may have to mouth breathe, you may not be able to build up much air hunger depending on how your body’s conditioned.
Ideally, you want to try to monitor your breathing and not, and breathe slowly, and use your belly, and build up some air hunger. By air hunger, I mean, when you exhale, you pause before you inhale. Then, you inhale small breaths through your belly. Then, you do a long exhale. That’s what builds up air hunger, and when you build up air hunger, your body, physically, relaxes, more oxygen gets to all the cells, and erections tend to be a lot better.
Heather: So, Matt, does this, have you ever had any experience with guys, where they say that women think this is weird?
Matt: (laughs) They generally don’t know. Women aren’t really aware of it. We all think that everybody knows everything we’re doing, and that everyone’s really, totally paying attention, but they’re not. (laughs) They don’t really notice it. Heather: Okay.
Matt: Yes. (laughs) Sometimes, they’ll notice, but, they might notice you don’t open your mouth as much, but it is so amazingly effective. In any event, you’ll, even if you get a bit carried away in the actual activity, itself, some of this will stick, and it’ll work out very well for you, even if you don’t use it to the maximum extent. Heather: Hmm-k. Cool.
Matt: One thing you can do during solo practice is you can practice this solo. You can masturbate slowly and very, and we’ll get into some of that a little later on, but you can make sure you’re breathing deeply and slowly, and you’re building up air hunger, and you can practice this, which is really helpful.
Erections are a relaxation response. The more relaxed your body is, the better and easier your erections are. So, this, when you breathe deeply, and you breathe slowly, and you breathe through your belly, you’re actually putting your body in a more relaxed state, and your erections are going to get easier and stronger just from that.
So, the next thing I said that I would be talking about here is focus. So, this is kind of a weird thing, but focusing on your own arousal is the key to lasting a long time and pleasing your partner the most. I’m going to say that again. It’s so important. Focusing on your own arousal is the key to lasting a long time and pleasing your partner the most.
Most of us think that we have to focus on our partner’s pleasure and that that’s the key to this whole thing, but it isn’t. Actually, focusing on your partner is, actually, makes things much worse for everybody, and not nearly as fun. When I say focusing on yourself, I don’t mean you’re being selfish. I mean that, actually, you’re going to be more selfless by doing that, and you’ll please her more if you do this right.
So, this a real key, although it’s counterintuitive. So, here’s why. Focusing on her, you can make her self-conscious, give her a feeling that something is wrong with her, or that she has to kind of perform, or meet expectations. She has difficulty being spontaneous, and it really isn’t a show of confidence on your part. When you really are working actively and focusing on pleasing your partner, you’re, actually, not showing that you’re a confident man.
I’m not saying not to please your partner. It’s the opposite. It pleases your partner more when you focus on yourself, and I don’t mean that you’re selfish about it. This is something that you’re really going to have to try and play with, but, I’ll show you the exact method in a moment. This is something that’s very, very new and unusual for a lot of guys because they, well, “I want to make her happy. I want to please her in bed.” Of course you do, but if you want to get that end, the means of it is going to be focusing on yourself.
I’m just telling you, that’s exactly how it is, and it’s a thought, it’s something that you want to play with because if you’re, if you realize you’re focusing too much on your partner, it can really be, really not good for either of you. You’ll find it’s really hurt, hurts sex, and hurts the sex life a lot. When you get back to this, it’ll make everything a lot better.
Sometimes people, men that have a lot of performance anxiety that’s been built up over focusing so much on their partner, they, and they have never thought about it. They’ve never realized the damage that this was doing to their sex life, and their partner, and in the relationship, but it really is.
Heather, have I made, does this make any sense, do you think? Because this is a thing I struggle with presenting.
Heather: No. It makes total sense. I’ve got to say that it works for women, too, because after we talked about this the first time, I started doing this in my own
relationship with my man, and yes, he’s much happier (laughs), so … Matt: Right. Right. So, it absolutely does for women as well. No, it’s, it’s … Heather: [Inaudible 00:37:39]. (laughs)
Matt: It’s, and people, they don’t, if you don’t get this, if no one mentions that you don’t get it, this could be like, this is a huge change and such a big improvement. It doesn’t come naturally because we don’t think of it in these terms.
Heather: So, why don’t you show the guys exactly how to do it because it is a little weird when you talk about it. It sounds kind of strange.
Matt: Yes. Okay. So, this is where there’s, when I say focus on your roots, here’s what I mean. Your penis actually goes into your body for inches that you can’t usually see, and, by the way, I’m going to mention something kind of interesting,
although, it’s a side note here before I get into that.
A woman’s clitoris, actually, is like a v-shape, and there’s a small part of it at the top, the center, the little hood there, that people see. Most of it is underneath too, and a woman’s clitoris is actually very, most of it you don’t see. Most of it’s in the body, and so it’s similar in that way. But, a man, men don’t realize that a woman’s clitoris is mostly inside. They realize that, but not the extent of it, but with a penis, they don’t realize that a lot of their penis is actually in their body. So, it is, and if it wasn’t, it would probably fall off or something. It wouldn’t be in there tight, you know? (laughs)
So, you have a lot of that organ inside there, all right? It’s, I don’t know how much. I think it’s maybe half of the length is inside. I don’t know the exact number. The root is what we speak of as the beginning of it, where it starts in your body, which is roughly somewhere between your rectum and your testicles, pretty much in that area.
So, if you put your finger up there, that’s called a perineum by the anatomical type. That’s, basically, where your penis sort of starts. There are other muscles here. We talked about the PC muscle, which are actually, officially, the
pubococcygeus muscle and the anal sphincter muscle, all known as your pelvic floor. Those are the ones that were, we showed you how to exercise with the kegal exercises.
So, here’s the thing. What you want to do is you want to focus on relaxing those muscles at all times because what happens is, when you get, when you’re going to be ejaculating, or when you’re going to be, when you get too excited, or when you are ready to go down the waterfall, those muscles are going to tighten up. If they’re tense, it’s hard to get an erection at all.
So, by relaxing those muscles, you’re going to have a better erection, and you’re going to be able to last pretty much as long as you want. So, along with the breathing and monitoring your arousal, this is a real key, focusing on your root and relaxing.
So, if you do this during any kind of sexual stimulation, intercourse, oral sex, whatever, and you constantly put your muscles there, put your focus there, and relax those muscles, even if you don’t feel that they’re relaxing, it will actually make them relax. It’ll make you last a long time, and it’ll make your erections work a lot better, and last a lot longer. So, that’s what I’m talking about. Does this make a little bit more clear, Heather?
Heather: I think so. What do you guys think? That more clear? Matt: Does that make some sense?
Heather: Yes. It looks like it. Yes.
Matt: Okay. Great. So, yes. Now, what happens is, you’re going to find that your focus is going to keep moving away from there all the time, and there’s a lot of wonderful distractions. It’s an amazing dance, having sex. You’re going to be smelling her, and feeling her, and kissing her, and all these other things, and so, it’s going to be, your mind is going to continually shift away, but, you just want to gently bring it back. That is what, almost more than anything else, along with the breathing, allows you to last long a time, and get, and maintain easy erection when you do that.
Likewise, when you don’t do that, a lot of times, those muscles will tense up, and you won’t be able to last very long, or even have an erection for that long. So, it’s just a really key technique, and that’s what I mean by focusing on your root.
All right. So, now, we’ve sort of laid the groundwork for that. Let’s talk about a great way to have fantastic sex whenever you want, even if you’re having trouble with erections still. So, I want to talk about, in this module, how to have fantastic sex whenever you want, even if you have difficulties with erections right now.
So, I’m going to show you a technique. It’s this really amazing technique. A lot of people will be very surprised by it, and it’s been used for thousands of years, probably used for millions of years, but, (laughs) it’s been documented for several thousand years.
I’ll just say how I use it, and what I do, and it’s called soft entry. I enter, whenever we decide to have sex, I will enter, and I don’t need to have an erection. I don’t even care if I have an erection or not. Now, sometimes I will have an erection, and that’s fine, but if I don’t have an erection, it doesn’t matter either because what, generally what happens is I get hard when I’m inside her, so she gets to experience me growing hard and big inside her, and I get to feel that, and it’s a really neat experience.
So, it’s a fun way of doing things. Plus, it takes all the pressure off because I don’t need to have an erection in order to initiate sex. So, how’s that for interesting? So many people think that they have to have this erection to have sex, and then, they start focusing on their erection with their partner, and the partner tries to use her hand, and she uses her mouth, and all this. It’s like, the more she does that, the more the penis doesn’t want to have an erection (laughs).
So, it’s not a fun thing at all, if you’re a guy, to do that, to go through that. So, this takes the pressure off because you don’t have to go through that, ever. I suggest you never put yourself in those scenarios, where that’s happening, by the way. I also suggest, very much so, that you don’t visualize porn in order to get hard, that you, that’s a, or fantasy because that’s when it removes you, psychologically, from the real World where you’re at. That kind of makes, continues the brain’s desensitization, so, what we’re talking about, here, is to restore the sensitivity that you want to have, and to have more sensitivity, and better sex than you ever had in your life.
So, don’t, I don’t, if you’re fantasizing in order to get hard, or you’re relying on excessive friction, and sort of more extreme things to get hard with your woman, then, you’re not going to get better in terms of the desensitization as quickly as you will if you don’t do those things. So, what I’m looking for is, I get hard when, spontaneously, when you’re going to have sex, you get hard, and that’s great. But, if you’re not hard, you do soft entry and you get hard.
That’s it, and so, there isn’t any need for fantasy. There’s no need for her to masturbate your penis to get it hard. There’s no need for her to use her mouth to get you hard. It’s just not necessary because, now, you can enter her when you’re not hard, and you can get hard. Even if you don’t get hard, you can have sex.
So, there’s really no, the reason, now, from a woman’s point-of-view, I’ve talked to a lot of women about this, and they say, “Well, it’s fun to have a guy’s penis inside. It’s fun to have his penis inside. Even if it’s not hard, it’s not the same as when it’s hard, but it’s a different experience, but it’s nice.” So, when I heard that, I go, “Ah. I can relax, now. (laughs) I don’t have to worry about this anymore.” (laughs)
Heather: Matt, how do you, how would you suggest that guys who, maybe, aren’t in a relationship, but want to start dating, and, maybe, want to use this technique, how would they approach a woman in a situation where they’re going to become intimate?
Matt: Well, if they’re not having an erection, and they want to enter her, they don’t have to necessarily say anything, but, I’ll show you how to do this. I don’t think you necessarily, the guys necessarily need to talk to their partners about it to start with. If they do it, if they want to talk about it, they could say, kind of give her some, a little bit of guidance as to what you want to do, and that’s fine. Yes, I would, maybe, say something like, “I like to enter a woman when I’m soft, and then, I just get to feel her, and my penis gets hard inside.” That’s fine. I don’t think it necessarily has to involve a long discussion about it. It’s, the worst thing for making performance anxiety a problem, and making sensitivity worse, is to focus on the penis and that it’s not getting hard. For women and men, they don’t like it.
If you’re experiencing not getting hard when you’re with a woman, let’s say it’s a new partner, then, you’re going to make her feel really awkward and anxious by focusing on it and being upset or aggravated about it. Whereas, if you’re relaxed about it, and it’s no big deal, it’s not a big deal to her either. The way it becomes a big deal is when you make it a big deal.
So, if you just practice soft entry, “Well, let’s see what we can do, right now, with …” and then, you just do it, you all can have a nice, comfortable time, whatever happens. There’s no anxiety, and there’s no upset being built up around that, and that, alone, really helps a lot of guys get over their problems with having an erection.
Is that, what do you think about that, Heather?
Heather: It makes sense. It makes sense. Do you have, are you going to show the guys, or talk to the guys about how to do soft entries, like the technique?
Matt: Let’s do that next. So, the first thing to do is lubricate your penis. So, a lot of men don’t use lubrication. It depends how old you are, if you’re with a partner who’s older. A lot of women who are post-menopausal will not lubricate as well on their own, although, a lot of times they will.
In any event, with soft entry, you want to use lubrication. So, there’s a couple things you can use. You could go to the drug store and get really crappy products, like KY Jelly and whatever, and what you’re looking for is personal lubricant. The easiest and best one to use is almond oil. Sometimes, we use cocoa butter, which you can get at the drug store. So, those are lubricants. You could use olive oil, some people have said they use. It really doesn’t matter. We use a product called Liquid Silk, which I’m not that, I think it works really, really well, but, I sort of like to move away from it because it has some chemical ingredients in it. I’d rather just use something natural, which we haven’t really gotten around to. So, I finished the bottle, which, the bottle lasts three years. We’ll probably go to something like cocoa butter.
So, in any event, you need to use something, oil, personal lubricant, something you buy, like Liquid Silk, and lubricate your penis. You could also use a bit of lube on her lips, her vaginal lips, and (laughs) warm it up a little bit in your hand for a moment, guys. You don’t want to not, it gets cold (laughs).
Heather: Now, that’s a good idea.
Matt: Yes (laughs). So, now. You can have her open up her lips a little bit, or you can do it. Then, you just kind of comfortably move into her. I’m going to show you a position that works ideally well, but there’s one position that’s very easy to describe, and that’s, basically, a woman’s on her back, her legs spread, and you’re kneeling in front of her, so you’re kneeling with your, basically, on your knees on the bed.
That’s really a great position for soft entry, and it’s a great position for
intercourse, in general, when you’re not sure of getting a really good erection because it doesn’t take that much to be able to get your penis into her, and, at the same time, when you do have a really hard penis, you can go in really deep, which could be really nice. So, that’s a great position for this, and the blood flow’s better that way into the penis, as well.
So, that’s basically it. Now, you could also have her kind of, kind of take your penis and kind of insert it, and it’s sort of like, a little bit like sort of stuffing it in there. It doesn’t sound romantic. It’s actually really nice. That’s about it. Then, usually what happens with me is I just get hard, but it’s not mandatory. It’s perfect, it works perfectly well without getting hard, and, but there’s never a reason why you can’t have intercourse this way with soft entry. A couple of things not to do. Don’t force your penis in. I said sort of stuff it in, but gentle. It should just kind of slide in because everything’s well lubricated.
No need to try this when you’re half hard. If you’re, you can just do regular entry when you’re half hard. You don’t want to do anything that’s going to bend your penis when it’s half hard, so, when it’s soft, it’s good. When it’s half hard, you really want to wait until you’re soft, or sort of do a regular kind of entry, and use plenty of lube.
There’s not really any hazards that I’ve ever heard of this, but, you don’t want to, you don’t want to use a lot of force. It should be very easy and comfortable. So, you’re going to open up her lips a little bit, and then, insert your lubricated penis. If it doesn’t slide right in, use a little more lube, and you may want to go in slowly so you just get the tip in, and then, as she lubricates a little more, or as the lube on your penis sort of goes there around there, then, you can go in deeper.
Usually, by this point, I’m usually hard anyway, but I don’t need to be hard. I don’t worry about it anymore. I know I can always do soft entry. I always got that, and I don’t know why more people don’t do that, or know about it. It’s really a lot of fun.
So, let’s, now, move on and talk about some keys to having sex for 30 minutes. So, in this module, we’re going to talk about the keys to 30-minute sex. So, this is really going to be, we’re talking about having intercourse, going slowly, with a very gentle thrusting. One of the things that’s very, very key is to be okay with lingering inside her, and not, not just, it’s not all just a matter of thrusting. It just isn’t.
A lot of guys and women, too, have become desensitized, and so, if they just linger inside, they don’t really feel anything. They don’t, they have numb penis, but what happens is, when you get into doing this, you’ll start feeling more and more, and it might take you a while, but as you focus on your root, and your breathing, and your arousal, you’re going to end up, over a period of time, you’re going to get more and more sensitive, and you’ll start feeling more and more. You’ll get your, you’ll regain your natural feeling back.
So, when you do linger inside her, and by that, I mean, your penis is inside, it’s soft, it’s semi-hard, or it’s hard, it doesn’t matter. You start feeling, you really feel something. It feels really, really good. That’s what I’m talking about. That may take several months to get back to that point, but, or even longer, but you’ll still have a really, really good time, be able to last a long time, make her really, really happy.
So, you go slowly, with very gentle thrusting, with periods of stillness, and kisses, and eye gazing build intimacy if you’re face-to-face in a face-to-face position. As you, you monitor your arousal so that it’s, if you get too high, you’re going to pull back and use a few methods to pull back. That, this is the secret of lasting a long time, basically.
Heather: Matt, I have to say, from a woman’s perspective, this is very, very nice. It’s wonderful.
Matt: Yes. I mean, really men and women aren’t any different on that, Heather, but men are further desensitized in some ways than women, and, once you get over this, that desensitization, it makes things just wonderful. Yes, and it’s good to know that women feel that way as well.
Heather: Having sex this was really builds a huge amount of intimacy with your partner, just where you feel really, really connected to each other, and it cuts down on arguments, and outside the bedroom, it’s quite amazing (laughs), really. Matt: Yes. Yes. See, what’s happened in kind of our porn-addled, technology-addled
age, with all the medications that people have to take, and a lot of illness, and a lot of Western medicine, and a lot of rushing around, and being stressed out all the time, that a lot of guys have, their brains have gotten messed up, and so, they’ve lost a lot of their sensitivity.
The same things happen to women, and so, some of those times, the women really want things rougher because they don’t feel anything this way. We’ll talk about how to do that in a moment, but I just want you to be aware of that. That’s just a, it’s a normal thing for a lot of women to also feel that they want things a lot faster, and rougher, and harder because they’re also desensitized. When you understand that, you can realize that if you’re with the same partner over a period of time, it you have someone you really love, that, this approach will re-sensitize both of you.
So, I’ll show you how to do this in a rougher way, but, I’ll also suggest that, as you go along, you’ll slow down, and you’ll linger, and you’ll have periods of stillness, and you’ll both become re-sensitized together, which is a lot of fun. It’s
just a fantastic way of having a life together, but it isn’t something that they start with. Mm-hmm (affirmative)?
Heather: Did any of the guys tell you that they sleep better when they have this type of sex? After?
Matt: A lot of guys have said that. Yes. Yes, because [inaudible 00:55:59] there’s a hormonal reason for it because their oxytocin levels don’t plummet the same way they do with conventional, kind of quick sex with an organism, and you kind of roll over kind of sex. That type of sex makes the oxytocin levels drop off a cliff, and the oxytocin helps you sleep better, and helps you feel more relaxed, and feel better with your partner, and everything. So, we don’t want the oxytocin levels just to plummet like that.
So, the longer, more gentle type of intercourse, like this, actually makes men sleep better, women sleep better, and also, like you said, lowers arguments, makes everyone get along better, makes everyone happier with each other. It has this all-encompassing benefits of the entire relationship.
Heather: It sounds kind of too good to be true, but it really works that way.
Matt: It really does work that way, and most of us notice it because we were, well, our brains got desensitized through no fault of our own, and so, oxytocin levels would just plummet, and we wouldn’t realize what that meant. That’s just not how things should normally be.
Heather: Okay. Great.
Matt: So, we are going to, running out of time right now, and then, we’re going to carry on for our next session. We have so much more to cover. Is there any questions that we should answer, right now, before we continue on our next session? There’s a lot more we’re going to be doing.
Heather, was there any other questions that you felt we should answer, at the moment, before we sign off for next week?
Heather: Why don’t we review what we’re going over next week? So that they know what’s happening, or the next time we meet is not going to be exactly on Tuesday because that’s Christmas.
Matt: Okay. Let’s do that. So, there’s going to be, let’s see. All right. All right, so, we’re going to talk about, a lot about this whole 30-second, minute, sex. We’re
going to show you scissors position, why you want to do scissors. We’re going to show you how to handle it she wants it rough.
When talking about your partner and desensitization, we’re talking about how to pause, and stop, and start, how to have really great, 30-minute, or longer, sex, how to stay hard. We’ll talk about how to be fearless in bed, overcoming performance anxiety, some real key tip to do that.
We’re going to show you how to increase passion and arousal whenever you want to, and how to do that in a way you never thought of before. We’re going to talk about how to be very happy sexually, how to practice longer with some solo exercises that you’re going to want to do, and we’re going to give you a, secrets to T levels, and how to boost them naturally, learn some keys to that. We’re going to show you how you can talk to your partner about desensitization, what to say and not to say, and we’re going to talk about, give you a two-week plan to restore your performance. That’s all going to be next week, or next session rather.
Heather: Right. Great, Matt. Thank you.
Matt: Thank you very much, and we’ll see you then. Heather: All right.