Introverted.seduction

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Justin I.P.

IntrovertedPlayboy.com

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Legal Notice

The Reader of this publication assumes responsibility for the use of these materials and information. Adherence to all applicable laws and regulations, federal, state, and local, or any other jurisdiction is the sole responsibility of the Reader. The Author and Publisher assume no responsibility or liability whatsoever on the behalf of any Reader of these materials. Any

perceived slights of specific people or organizations are unintentional. Any trademarks, service marks, product names or named features are assumed to be the property of their respective owners, and are used for reference only.

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3 Special thanks to Dwight and Raheem in New York, and Richard in the UK

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Introduction

When I started this journey, I was pretty much clueless about women. My dating life was nonexistent. I could barely ask a girl for her phone number, much less take her out on a date or hold hands with her. Like many introverts, I had few friends and not much of a social life. My life consisted of class,

homework (I was in college at the time) and the occasional party where I spent the night awkwardly standing around or trying to act “cool” before eventually slipping out and going back home alone. Over time, I started approaching women. At first just a few, here and there. Then a lot of them. I met new people and experimented with different styles of game. I became fascinated with human interaction, what made people tick, and how attraction and sexual dynamics really work. I started getting phone numbers, then dates, then sex. I’ve come a long way and I’ve experienced a lot. These days I’m at the point where I help other guys improve and get better results in their dating lives.

Some methods of pickup and seduction view the process as a zero-sum game with winners and losers: if you manage to get the woman in bed, you’re the winner, and she’s the loser (from what I’ve heard of how some guys perform in the bedroom, this may not be terribly far from the truth).

But my own experiences, and the experiences of my clients, friends and others have convinced me that seduction does not have to be a bizarre exercise in manipulation and trickery. True seduction is about full emotional and sexual connection. It creates closeness between two people, not distance.

The culmination of seduction is actually having sex. But sex does not “end” the process of seduction per se. Seduction continues within relationships whether they last one night, three weeks or thirty years. Understanding the basics of seduction will be critical in your success. Not just for having sex with a new woman, but in maintaining relationships indefinitely.

Seduction is best understood as an all-encompassing, holistic process that begins from the moment you meet the woman. It does not suddenly begin in the bedroom or even on the date. Seduction is

happening on some level throughout your interactions with her, from the approach, to the way you look at her, to the way you touch her, to the activities you do together. For the most effective seducers, sexual energy is not something that is “turned on” and “turned off.” It is something that is always present, always at work beneath the surface in their interactions with beautiful women.

This ebook explains how seduction works and how it is accomplished. It also gives you practical, actionable information for you to implement immediately in your conversations and interactions with women.

The emphasis, of course, is on introverts. Introverted men have unique strengths and challenges in the seduction game. Introverts are often thought to have a handicap when it comes to attracting and seducing women. To the contrary, almost all men, with practice and experience, can excel and get significant results in their dating and love lives. Introverts are no exception. However, introverts will only

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9 get there if they play to their strengths. They have to engage with women on their own terms and not try to act like an extrovert or any other “character.”

Parts I through V of this book give you the information and strategies you need to take immediate action and start getting results. Part VI and Part VII then provide insight into mindset, attitude and philosophy that will help you achieve superior long term results and satisfaction in your love life.

As you read these pages, remember that seduction is about sexual connection between two people. That can only happen when you expose yourself on some level and open yourself up to her.

As a functioning male human, you have the sexual power inside of you. Getting the results you want requires you to bring that out in a way that is consistent with who you are. That is what this book seeks to help you do.

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~I~

Environment

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1. The context

Before any seduction occurs, there is the surrounding environment and context. Understanding the situation you are in when you meet a woman, as well as the overall social context, helps you strategize and streamline your game. It will help you adjust your expectations and know what you can reasonably expect to get when you meet a woman.

A man and woman from the same race, culture, region, language, economic status or even

neighborhood have a higher chance of getting together than if they did not have those commonalities. This is especially true if they are looking for a long term or serious relationship.

Micro context

First, be aware of the micro context: the situation that you meet her in. Meeting a girl alone in a bookstore at 2:00 in the afternoon on a Monday is a very different context from meeting her (the same girl) in a loud nightclub at 2:00 in the morning on a Saturday night. The surrounding situation will affect her mood, your mood, and many other factors.

The micro context includes things like: • The place you are in

• How loud the music is, or how loud the place is in general • Her overall energy level (is she high energy or low energy) • Whether she is alone or with a group of people

• Is she with girls or with guys?

• How is she dressed, and what does that say about her mood or mindset? • How are you dressed, and what does that communicate about you?1

• What is she doing at the moment (eating, drinking, reading a book, writing an essay, texting on her phone, listening to headphones, looking at a menu, etc)?

• Is she stationary (standing still, sitting) or moving (dancing, walking)?

• If she’s walking, is she walking fast like she’s in a rush, or is she just strolling leisurely? • How is her body language—open, like she’s open to being approached, or closed, like she

doesn’t want to be bothered?

• Are you alone, or in a group of people? Does your group include people who look normal, people who look rich, people who look like losers, beautiful women?

• Any changes that occur during the course of the conversation or during your time together (if she or you get a phone call, if her friend/ friends show up, if the place you are in is about to close, and so on)

All of these factors will influence how you approach her, and what you try to do with her. Noticing these kinds of details enables you to calibrate your approach more effectively than if you just went in blind. It

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12 is a good habit to observe everything around you. Being aware of the situation and context is critical for you to lead and manage at all stages of seduction, from starting a conversation to getting her in bed. Keep your eyes and ears open, pay attention to the girl and to what’s going on in your surroundings, and you can make informed decisions instead of letting circumstances catch you by surprise.

Macro context

At the macro level, consider the context at the regional, national and even global level. What kind of culture are you in? Is it tolerant or intolerant of casual sex or casual dating? How important is marriage in this culture and how early in life do people get married (in their late teens, early 20s, late 20s, etc)? In a society where religion and traditional values are popular, and people get married at a very young age, casual relationships will obviously be harder to come by. In a more secular culture where marriage is not as important, it will probably be easier. The United States, for example, is usually a bit more

conservative than many European countries when it comes to sexual mores, but the US is not as conservative as many countries in Asia.

Values and standards will also vary from city to city within a country. Generally big cities are more tolerant of casual dating and have looser standards around intimacy than smaller towns. Big cities have a greater diversity of people and the culture tends to be more open. There are more foreigners, travelers and temporary residents. And there is greater anonymity in big cities, allowing people to try different kinds of relationships and life arrangements without destroying their reputation. In a small town where everyone knows everyone else, this kind of experimentation is much less common. Men from the big city coming to a small town or rural area tend to have higher status than local men. This has been true for millennia across the world. Again, big city people tend to be wealthier and live more interesting and compelling lives, at least in the imaginations of restless small town girls.

What kind of status do you have in this place? What kind of an image do you have, if any, just by walking in the room or walking down the street? For instance, if you are a middle class American guy, and you travel to a low-income Eastern European country, you will enjoy a certain amount of status simply by being a Westerner, and an American. Part of it is purely financial (the American “tribe” is wealthier than the Bulgarian tribe, for instance), part of it is prestige (the US has a reputation for being highly influential politically, militarily and economically), and part of it is the novelty of being an exotic foreigner.

What does your clothing say about you, your background or your identity? And what does it say in this specific place or situation that you are in? For instance, dressing in a suit may be very impressive and give you very high “points” in a small farming community, but on Wall Street, where everyone is wearing suits, it’s nothing notable at all.

What about your race or skin color? If you are white and you’re talking to white girls in a white town, that could be very different than if you are talking to black girls in a black town. How you are received and how women react to you may be influenced by cultural attitudes and expectations around

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13 might very well affect how people treat you, positively or negatively. Some places will be very open-minded and welcoming of difference, others will be fearful or suspicious of outsiders.

Context matters and it can make a big difference. Context is why sex tourism exists—the phenomenon of men from wealthy countries like the US or UK visiting poorer countries in Latin America or Southeast Asia for quick and easy sex with the local women. Not only can they afford the much cheaper prices that prostitutes charge in those places, but they can usually get sex more easily with non-prostitute women because of their higher status. The different context simply makes them more attractive to women in those countries than in their own home country, where standards of income and power are much higher.

Context and status is why a woman would never dream of casually sleeping with one man (an average nameless Joe that mumbles some odd pickup line to her in a bar) but would never dream of not casually sleeping with another man (a famous pro athlete).

Much of becoming a more attractive man and a more effective seducer comes down to adjusting context. Instead of dressing like an average schmuck, you dress like a cool guy with a compelling

identity. Instead of approaching women in places you hate, you approach them in places you like, where you have a natural strength. Instead of approaching women cold, you approach women in social circle contexts where her comfort and familiarity is far greater. And so on.

So in addition to improving your raw skills in conversation, physical escalation, body language, and logistical management (which is what most of this ebook is about), you should be improving the context of your approaches and seductions. This can take your success rates and overall results to a very high level. Working with the context instead of against it, and using context to your advantage, will make your life much easier, and your seductions smoother and more efficient.

Ways to improve context:

• Approach women in warmer situations (a party given by mutual friends, a special event, a unique club or social group), rather than colder situations (total strangers on the street). The warmer the context you approach her in, the more likely you will have success because of the greater comfort and connection implied.

• Improve your fashion and style with an eye to the standards of the place you are meeting women (this includes your car in places where cars communicate status or identity). The way you dress in a high-end nightclub will be very different from the way you dress at the gym, and neither outfit is appropriate in the other context. In addition, the way you dress in a fashion-conscious city like New York or London will be different than in a more suburban or rural area where fashion is not as important.

• Be aware of logistics and adjust your strategy and expectations accordingly. You are more likely to have a one night stand from a bar late at night than meeting a girl in a busy subway train during rush hour. This does not mean you don’t try to do things or take risks (it’s absolutely possible to take a girl home in the middle of the day from cold approaching), you just realize that some outcomes have a higher likelihood and are easier in certain situations.

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14 Much more will be discussed on all of these points in later chapters. The point is not to let larger

circumstances or the attitudes of others dictate your whole game. In many cases, there will never be a “perfect” time to approach a beautiful woman. Rather, the lesson is to be conscious of the larger forces at work, and rather than try to fight them, leverage them and use them to your advantage.

To take the example of clothes, don’t dress in a way that goes against who you are or conveys a different identity (don’t dress like a rocker if you hate rock music), no matter how popular that fashion may be. Instead, find the middle ground between clothing that feels good for you, and what is

fashionable and stylish in the larger context.

You should always be pushing on your comfort zone to get a clearer understanding of what speaks to your real personality, and what is just surface-level fluff that feels comfortable because it is familiar. The most effective seducers are very in-touch with this distinction, and are able to manage the balance in an effective and often highly sophisticated way.

Seduction fundamentally relies on patterns of male-female dynamics that originate in nature. However, humans are not just animals with the urge for mating. We are also social beings and thinking people who have built societies, religions, belief systems and civilizations. All of these things can help or hurt your chances. Being able to smartly navigate these manmade obstacles and leverage them to your advantage is what managing context is all about.

Hierarchy of warmth

Here is a general framework for understanding the amount of “warmth” and comfort in various

situations or contexts. The further down the list you go, the warmer the situation. The higher up the list, the colder it is. Remember that the colder the situation, the more difficult in general it will be to seduce a given woman that you meet in that situation.

1. Free online dating 2. Paid online dating

3. Street/ park/ public square

4. Public transport (bus/ trains); General bar/ nightclub

5. More expensive transport (air travel, high-priced train travel); High-end bar or lounge

6. General, popular retail shop or store (coffee shop, book store, supermarket, clothing store, etc); Large concert/ performance or sporting event with mass appeal

7. Specialty retail store (specialty wine bar, coffee shop, baked goods, chocolate, tailor/ clothing store, specialty car dealership, etc); Small or private concert/ performance with limited or niche appeal

8. Large party thrown by mutual friends (maximum of 2-3 degrees of separation among everyone at the party), 50 people or more

9. Small, private, more exclusive party thrown by mutual friends (1-2 degrees of separation among everyone), less than 50 people

10. Private social activity among just a small group of friends (1 degree of separation or less), dinner/ drinks with friends, for example

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15 11. Local celebrity

12. Regional/ national celebrity

Note that the more unique, out-of-the-way, exclusive, hidden and less well-known the venue, event or situation, the warmer it is.

For the vast majority of men, you can increase your chances of getting dates and girlfriends by moving from levels 2-4 to the warmer levels of 7-10. On the other hand, there is a strong correlation between the coldness of the situation and the number of women you can potentially meet. For instance, you can meet far more women in an hour in a busy public square than you could in an entire year of going to small parties given by your ten closest friends over and over again. So if you prefer to stay in the colder situations, you will have more opportunities to approach women, but the tradeoff is that your odds of closing the deal with a given woman are lower.

The key thing to remember is that seduction depends significantly on comfort, especially how comfortable the girl feels with you. Warmer situations provide more comfort, familiarity and

commonality than colder situations, and that is why seduction is easier there. More on comfort and the role it plays in seduction will be discussed in Chapter 6.

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2. The women

Now let’s look at the women themselves and see how their perspective and life situation affects your chances.

Available women

Not all women are single. Some are married, and of those that are not married, many are engaged or already in a relationship. Trying to tease out the women who are in happy and satisfying relationships versus those that are with a guy they are not very excited about is difficult if not impossible. The only way at the end of the day is to approach women and see how far you can push things. If she’s been dating some guy on and off for a while, but you present yourself as the better option, then her

“boyfriend” will not be a factor for long. Women, if they are interested in you, will usually not mention their boyfriend or other men they are dating. If they are not interested in you, then they may claim to have a boyfriend when they really don’t.

The number of available women varies from city to city and region to region. On a college campus, you will find a much higher percentage of single women than in a suburban community populated mostly by young families.

Aside from the availability of the women that get your attention, there are other “softer” forces that might cut down on your seduction potential:

• Your physical qualities like handsomeness, height, build or overall fitness that will impact how women perceive you (if you are black, for example, some white women will love that and for others it will be a deal breaker)

• The situation that the woman finds herself in when you approach her. She may be technically single, but that’s only because she had a bad breakup with her ex-boyfriend several weeks ago and she is not ready to date again yet.

• She may not be committed to one man, but she has a rotation of 2 or 3 men that she is dating at the moment and has no room for a new one.

• She may be tired, cranky or otherwise in a bad mood when you happen to approach her. If you had approached her at a different time of day (she’s not a morning person), or in a different location (she hates meeting men in bars, but loves meeting them spontaneously during the day), then you would have gone out with her. But as it is, she’s not open to meeting you.

• She may have been approached by five men already before you. If you had been the first or only man to approach her, she would have been wide open and receptive. But after multiple approaches from guys, many of whom might have acted like douchebags, her defenses are raised sky-high. It will be that much harder for you to get through to her and connect with her. • Everything may be going great, she’s into you and you’re into her, but the logistics prevent any

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17 bring her to your place, or her friend is getting too drunk and requires her assistance for the rest of the night, and so on.

• She is prepared to flirt and exchange numbers with an attractive stranger, but she will not be caught dead meeting up with him because she is afraid, has low confidence, has heard horror stories, or whatever other reason.

• She is attracted to you and happy to go out with you, but she has an ironclad “rule” that she never sleeps with a man except after X dates. If X is greater than what you are willing to do, then this is another lost opportunity.

• Your mood is off. She may have been attracted to you and even gone out with you if you had approached her when you were in a better mood/ more alert/ happier/ more relaxed/ less nervous. But as it is, you come across as a totally different person than you would have seemed if you were in a better state.

All of these are examples of obstacles that might get in the way of a successful seduction. Unfortunately, every potential male-female pairing in the world is not going to pan out. Sometimes there will be forces that are just out of your hands, and no matter how good your seduction skills, you will not get your desired result. Whether that is sex or a serious relationship or anything else.

What you can do is maximize your chances by improving your skills and your overall attractiveness as much as possible, and pursuing women in the best situations and contexts possible. Aside from that, if a woman has weird hang-ups that prevent her from pursuing a guy she likes, or if the logistics in her life simply prevent anything from happening, then you have to accept that and move on.

The Las Vegas effect

What I call the “Las Vegas effect” is the phenomenon where women become more adventurous and open to trying new things on vacation (whether in Las Vegas or anywhere else). (This effect applies to men too.)

It’s well known that women often are willing to try new and crazy things when they’re on vacation. First, they are away from home, so most of the social consequences (real or perceived) that would happen if they had sex with a random stranger do not apply. They have more freedom to pursue fantasies and take social and sexual risks. Second, the kind of woman who goes on vacation to a foreign city is typically more open-minded and interested in new experiences. A true stick-in-the-mud who fears change is unlikely to visit faraway places. Travel and tourism naturally select for women that are in an adventurous place in their lives.

In general, women are more sensitive to, and affected by, the surrounding social context than men. Women’s sexuality, and their sexual decisions, are more plastic, flexible and more influenced by cultural norms. This has positive and negative implications. On the upside, it means that men have a lot of ways to become more attractive. Leveraging context to your advantage, as discussed in Chapter 1, can be very powerful. But on the downside, social norms can also present an obstacle to sexual connection. The Las Vegas effect greatly mitigates these social obstacles that otherwise would make seduction difficult or impossible.

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18 The phenomenon of being more open-minded and adventurous is not limited to vacations. It often applies to students living and studying in a new city, and women living temporarily (over the course of months or even years) in a city for work or internships. On a smaller scale, it applies on holidays like Halloween, or other situations that temporarily suspend “the rules” that we have to live by (or that we think we have to live by). Alcohol-infused partying is the prime example.

Men who study attraction and seduction realize that many things are possible with the opposite sex, that they are not beholden to the “normal” expectations of the culture. Women, for the most part, do not have this. The closest they can come to bending or breaking the rules (and still being relatively safe) is by going on vacations, carousing on the weekend, and/or dressing up in sexy and fantastical outfits.

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3. How often are women approached?

It is often assumed that women are constantly getting approached by men. To the contrary, one of women’s biggest complaints is that men don’t approach them (especially attractive men). This is of course because the vast majority of men, including average guys of decent attractiveness, have too much approach anxiety to actually talk to women. They often rely on alcohol to get the courage to approach. And these approaches are often in social circle situations (work, school, a friend’s birthday party) where their odds of success are much greater, and where the men feel more comfortable talking to people. From the few approaches a typical man does under these conditions, he will get most or all of his girlfriends, one of which will eventually become his wife.

Intimidating and inviting beauty

What about the really beautiful women (those that would rank 8, 9 or 10 on most men’s “scales”)? Are they approached more often? It is tempting to think that the more attractive a woman is, the more she will be approached by men. To some degree this is true, but in many cases it’s not.

We can identify two basic types of beautiful women: those that are intimidating and who seem unapproachable, and those that are unintimidating and who seem welcoming. A girl in one situation, dressed in a certain way, in a good mood and a slight smile on her face, will be the eminently

approachable “girl next door.” The exact same girl, in a different context, with more daring makeup, with her bitchy energy in full force, suddenly becomes the intimidating man eater.

Even aside from clothing and makeup choices, and apart from the situational context, some women simply have a “friendlier face” than others, depending on their bone structure and the shape of their eyebrows.

Two women can have the same overall attractiveness level, but one might be intimidating-looking, through no fault of her own, and another looks friendly and approachable. I personally have known plenty of beautiful women, and their experiences with being approached by men are all over the map. Some are approached and chatted up constantly by all sorts of men. And others are rarely, if ever, approached by anybody, including men with very high confidence. Added up over several years, one of them will have been approached by potentially thousands of men, while the other, only a few dozen.

Who is approaching her?

Aside from her overall appearance and how she invites or intimidates men, a woman may not be approached by the kinds of men she wants to date. It is a mistake to think that all attractive women, or even most of them, are getting what they want in the dating game. She may want more casual

relationships, independence and freedom, but the men she goes out with always want to lock her down. Or she may want a serious relationship and companionship, but the men she dates just want to sleep with her and treat her as a trophy to show off to their friends.

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20 Or she may have a hectic work schedule that prevents her from meeting good men or spending any real time dating. This can apply to many different kinds of women, not just those working in high-powered careers, but also women in entertainment and music, models or others who might have very difficult or unusual schedules. I’ve known plenty of models who, while enjoying their job, nevertheless were turned off by much of the culture or the social scene in that industry.

There are countless possible reasons why a beautiful woman might not be satisfied in her dating or love life.

The male factor (your “competition”)

The last thing to remember is that different women are attractive to different men. Aside from the absolute pinnacle of hotness (which is a very small percentage of all females), the vast majority of women will be viewed differently by different members of the male population. Each man has unique preferences as far as body type, face, hair color, hair texture (straight, curly, wavy) and skin color/ race. And every man has a different feeling on tattoos, piercings, glasses, makeup, hairstyles, clothing choices, and other criteria (whether they have a specific opinion on them or not, they are probably drawn to one type of girl or the other). So a woman who is really hot to one man may be invisible to another.

It also depends on where that man is at a given moment in his life. A guy might not introduce his parents to a girlfriend with blue hair and tattoos up her arms, but for a one night stand or to live out some fantasy, she might be perfect.

For all these reasons, we can safely assume that there are plenty of women out there for each man, that each man would be physically attracted to, assuming he can put in the work to become attractive himself. There is no need to worry that the women who are attractive to you are being saturated with approaches from irresistible Casanovas.

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4. The women and relationships you want

Figuring this out will be very important in determining your strategy and the expectations you have going into this process of improvement.

Physical attractiveness

I’m not a fan of any rating scale, but for the purpose of discussion, we can talk in general terms about the typical 1-10 scale, where a “10” is the absolute hottest physically.

The absolute hottest women are a minority of all women, by definition. Women who are 6s, 7s or 8s are in much greater number. If you only want the absolute hottest women of all, then you will have to go through periods of few/ no results in between the good periods. This approach is best reserved for guys who want serious long term relationships, and advanced guys with a solid seduction skillset (beginners will seriously hurt their improvement if they allow themselves to go through long droughts like that). Getting one of these hottest girls will be a rare occurrence, so once you get her you want to lock her down.

Focusing on the hottest girls and only the hottest girls is not viable for guys who want a large number of sex partners because the numbers just aren’t there for the vast majority of guys. Even the highest-value guys at the top of the sexual chain (rock stars, musicians, powerful nightclub owners, DJs, movie stars, pro athletes, and the like) who have high numbers of sex partners (sometimes in the hundreds or thousands), do not have exclusively 9s and 10s—the vast majority of their women are a bit lower on the totem pole: 8s, 7s and 6s, and the occasional average or below-average woman. There are simply not enough of the absolute hottest women in existence for a big-number strategy to be tenable.

Compatibility

What kinds of personalities, values, beliefs and lifestyles do you want in your women? Do you want them to be highly compatible or minimally so?

For instance, if you are a 35 year old lawyer making a high salary, with his own apartment, working long hours, soft spoken, and generally a private individual who keeps to himself, would you be interested in a woman who is highly physically attractive, 19 years old, regularly does drugs, high maintenance, loud and wild, dresses in flashy attire, likes to make a scene and invites drama everywhere she goes? Would you be comfortable being seen in public with her, going to movies, bars, restaurants or events? You might say yes if you intend the relationship to be short term and you don’t expect to do very much with her outside the bedroom. But if you are looking for something more serious and long term, then the answer would probably be no. To even approach such a woman, much less go out with her, would be a waste of your time, no matter how physically hot she is, unless it’s for practice.

However, she is hot. If you are not clear on where you are in your life, what you really want, and what you are willing to sacrifice to get it, then you may just make a mistake and start dating this chick. You will be embarrassed by her antics and unable to handle her in public. You will be caught unawares and

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22 unable to lead her sexually and emotionally. Even if you do end up in bed with her, where can things possibly go from there? If you know going in that the relationship has an expiration date and it’s just for one or two nights of fun, then you can put appropriate boundaries, manage it and potentially have an amazing experience with her. But if you don’t know what you’re doing, then things could end very messily (with her making a scene in public in front of people you know, or trashing your apartment). No matter what you are looking for in terms of relationship length, you should have a good grasp on the kind of people you want in your life. This goes as much for friends and platonic relationships as for romantic interests. Make a list of ten major nonphysical qualities that you would desire in a girlfriend. Try to get a really good sense of the kind of woman you want to be with. Not only is this an important exercise in its own right, but this will help you screen women, project confidence and high standards, and reduce wasted time.

Types of relationships

Generally there are two types of relationships: casual/ short term and serious/ long term. You have to know what kind of relationship you want in general, and what type you want with a given girl, or at least what you are open to. If you don’t have a handle on this, then not only are you unlikely to get what you want, but you might send the wrong signals to the girls you meet and lead them on.

If you are focusing on short term or casual relationships, then you will be attracted to different kinds of women, and your overall game will be more aggressive and sex-focused.

If you are more interested in longer term relationships, then you will be focusing on the girl’s personality, lifestyle, interests, hobbies and other things that demonstrate long term compatibility. There is always an important place for sex regardless of your desired relationship type. The main difference between long term and short term is that sex plays a more prominent role (sometimes occupying almost 100% of the relationship’s energy) in the short term arrangements. For longer term relationships, nonsexual considerations have a greater role.

There is a middle ground, a third option: the long term casual or open relationship. This is less common, because it’s a little trickier to pull off for most guys (and not as appealing to most women, who tend to prefer either short term open or long term exclusive). Usually advanced guys can do it if they set strong boundaries and clear expectations. It requires honesty, self-awareness and total comfort talking about relationships and sex openly with women.

For all arrangements, the tone needs to be set early on (within the first few times you sleep with her). Otherwise, one party risks leading the other on. And the more times you sleep with someone, the more entangled you get emotionally with them (this is true for men and women, but especially for women), so you have to know what the hell you’re doing.

If you are closer to the beginner side of the spectrum, then you might not have a strong sense of what you want with women and dating. In that case, take things one step at a time and focus on developing

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23 your skills and your comfort engaging with women at different levels: basic conversation, managing dates, physical escalation, and so on. Be open to new experiences and see what you are drawn to. If you are more intermediate or advanced, then it is especially important for you to figure out what exactly you want. You will be able to communicate honestly with women without tricking anyone or leading anyone on, and you will waste much less time chasing women who are incompatible. Beginners who need to improve at the basic level (approaching, basic conversation, basic flirting, general mindset changes, and so on) should lean towards taking more risks and talking to more women, rather than less. But intermediate guys who are able to get dates and even sex from time to time should zero in on what they want in relationships before they waste time and energy on the wrong things. Rather than taking more risks and talking to more women in general, they should try to take the right risks, and escalate with the right women.

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5. Your sexual presence

You are “unique” in the sense that you are an individual person with unique DNA. But as far as sexual attractiveness is concerned, your uniqueness is limited. You might think that when you approach a girl and she responds to you and likes you and goes out with you, it’s because of your special qualities or skill in game. But in reality, another guy who looked similar to you, dressed similar, of a similar height and build, approaching her in a similar situation or moment in her life, would have attracted her just the same. The attractive qualities that an individual man has are often shared by many other men.

The sexy stereotype

This is why the phenomenon of the “sexy stereotype” is possible. A sexy stereotype is a recognizable male character that represents a specific culture, personality and lifestyle. It is essentially a shortcut way of conveying your identity and personality right from the start, bypassing a lot of the conversation and “getting to know each other” stuff that would otherwise be necessary. This idea has been around in pickup/ seduction circles for a long time.

If you can fill out a very specific niche or male archetype then you will appeal to women who are looking for that archetype. You might turn off many women, but for those interested in the specific kind of guy you represent, the seduction will be extremely easy. It’s a higher-risk, higher-reward strategy.

There are guys who spend their entire life just seducing one woman after another purely based on their sexy stereotype, and they get into both short term and long term relationships based on their image, overall personality and what they represent to the woman. However this tends to be more of an option for advanced guys with a decent amount of experience, a good seduction skillset, and clear

self-awareness. Guys who are not as comfortable with themselves or who have not had enough experience with women, or people in general, need to work on those areas before trying to fill out a very unique niche.

Here are some examples of sexy male stereotypes. These can also serve as inspiration as you develop your personal look and style.

The authority figure

Not only does this guy represent power and authority in the most literal sense, he is in a position of leadership and responsibility. The authority figure risks his life for others’ wellbeing, making him strong and courageous, but giving at the same time. Examples: police officer, fireman, soldier.

The businessman

This guy has worked hard to achieve a high-earning career in a white collar field. He represents

achievement, wealth, stability and power. The natural image is a guy in an expensive, well-tailored suit with an expensive haircut and possibly a gold watch. He drives a BMW or Jaguar or, if he doesn’t drive, hires a car service to get around town. He has money to burn on fancy dinners and bottle service at high-end clubs. Examples: executives, lawyers, investment bankers, financial professionals.

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25 The musician

The musician is a creative and musical guy who may be into any type of genre (Jazz, Rock, Hip-hop, Pop, Blues, Latin, whatever). He’s either in a band or plays music regularly. Being passionate about music, he’s probably super talented in one instrument (guitar, piano and drums being the biggest ones). There is something about male creative energy that is especially appealing to women. The musician may dress in the niche style of his subculture, or just keep it simple. His creative energy is concentrated in his art. Examples: Kenny G, Bob Dylan, Paul McCartney/ The Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, Elvis Presley, Mick Jagger. The baller/ bon vivant/ playboy

This character has a taste for the good life. He loves good food, good company, and good women. He is also associated with expensive tastes in all things—fashion, dining, parties and social scenes. The classic playboy has a flashy lifestyle and grabs attention everywhere he goes, but is most known for his appetite for women and sexual adventure.

The starving artist

This is a guy who gives up everything for his creative passion. He may live on a friend’s couch while he tries to sell his artwork. He may have a job as a waiter while he pursues his acting dream. The point is that he is taking a big risk in his life and chasing a dream that inspires him. This could apply to painters, musicians, actors, comedians, dancers, fashion designers or others in creative endeavors.

The athlete

Of course, his main thing is sports, fitness and competition. Athletic competition has a certain primal, masculine quality to it that is very appealing to women. And the high-achieving athletic man also has a high level of fitness, physical strength and is usually taller and more muscular than the average guy. He’s often admired and worshipped by average people, whether at the high school, college or professional level. Examples: pro athletes in the NFL, NBA, NHL, MLB, European soccer stars.

The exotic foreigner

Needless to say, what is exotic in one place will not be exotic in another. So this one is highly context-dependent. An Australian, Italian or French accent will make many American and Canadian women swoon. And an American accent will make many British and European women melt. Your skin color, body type, style of dress and general mannerisms may also play into how “exotic” or foreign you seem in a given setting.

The beach bum

He lives a relaxed, care-free life on the beach in California, Florida or the Caribbean. His whole persona is especially appealing to busy urban women who need a psychological escape from the rat race. He’s also tanned and fit, since he spends so much time outdoors surfing and swimming. He comes close to the ideal of “man in a state of nature.” Example: Laird Hamilton.

The professor/ intellectual

He is not just the smartest and most well-read person in the room, he has also worked hard in his field and has achieved leadership as a professor or researcher. He is witty, sharp, has an anecdote ready for

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26 any occasion, and loves deep conversations about fascinating topics. His authority in a university setting gives him huge attractiveness for the female students. Examples: Noam Chomsky, Christopher Hitchens. These archetypes are more or less universal, and will be found in almost all large countries.

Of course, there are many sexy female stereotypes as well: the nerd/ gamer, ghetto girl, rocker chick, runway/ fashion model, porn star/ stripper, farmer girl, cheerleader, doting housewife, and so on.

Becoming a more attractive version of yourself

When you improve your attractiveness and seduction skills, you are bringing out the fundamental male qualities that are universally attractive to women. But you are bringing them out in a way that is consistent with your individuality. This makes you (a) more attractive in general, but also (b) more appealing to women who like your personality or the type of guy you are.

Suppose you are intellectual and enjoy discussing philosophy and science. But you are not very confident or have poor social skills. By improving your confidence, social skills and comfort in your sexuality, you do not negate your other interests—you are still a smart guy who likes philosophy and science. But now, to a girl who is also into that kind of stuff, you will be extremely attractive. Not only do you share similar interests and hobbies, but you also have those raw masculine qualities that appeal directly to a woman’s primal sexual desires. Now she does not have to settle for a confident, ballsy guy who is unintelligent or unintellectual just to have sex. She can get the best of both worlds with you because you are excelling in both arenas.

And on top of that, there will be plenty of girls who do not share your same interests, but who will nevertheless respond to your sexual, masculine attributes and be interested in you on that basis, for either shorter term or longer term relationships.

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~II~

Framework

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6. Excitement and comfort

All seduction comes down to two simple components: excitement and comfort.

A woman does not have sex with a man unless she is excited by him. And she does not have sex unless she feels comfortable with him. Both are necessary for a successful seduction, with rare exceptions that will be discussed below.

“Excitement” means stimulation, arousal, escalation, being aggressive and pushing things forward. “Comfort” means de-stimulation, developing actual comfort, trust, de-escalation, pulling things back and giving space. The seduction process is a constant balancing act. The energy between you and the woman swings back and forth between excitement and comfort as time goes on. And both excitement and comfort get stronger and more intense as time goes on.

Excitement and comfort go from “lighter” to “heavier” as the seduction proceeds. In other words, as you spend more time with the woman and escalate and push things forward physically and emotionally, she gets progressively more excited/ stimulated/ aroused by you, and she gets progressively more

comfortable/ trusting/ familiar with you as well. Eventually, the culmination of all this excitement and comfort is physical intimacy and sex.

Below is a simple table illustrating light and heavy forms of excitement and comfort. Examples of actions, words and activities,

and where they fall in excitement and comfort:

Light

Heavy

Excitement

Light Excitement:

• Approaching/ opening • Simple teasing/ flirting • Light touching in social areas/

less sexual areas

Heavy Excitement:

• Heavier physical escalation in more personal/ intimate areas • Sexual innuendo

• More sexual verbal escalation

Comfort

Light Comfort:

• Basic social conversation • Acting normal

• Looking good/ normal

Heavy Comfort: • Deep rapport

• Deep emotional connection • Strong physical calibration • Looking especially good/

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29 Most of seduction happens on the heavier side of the spectrum. That is also where most of the

challenges and successes will become apparent.

While these are overall trends, in a given moment she will be feeling either primarily excited or primarily comfortable.

Note that while excitement and comfort operate in opposite directions, and they act on different aspects of her emotions, they do not work against each other. They are complementary and build each other up and provide space for each other. The more excitement that is generated, the more room you have created for genuine comfort to take hold. And the more comfort you have created, the more room there is for excitement to occur.

There are two broad ways of generating excitement and comfort: (1) “game”/ conversation/ escalation, and (2) status/ reputation/ power. They are not mutually exclusive, and most guys can employ both strategies to some extent. This ebook focuses primarily on the first strategy.

Generate excitement and comfort with game

I have found this simple model, far simpler than many other popular models of seduction, to be extremely effective and useful. One of the best things about simplifying seduction in this way is that it gives you flexibility to apply these principles in different ways depending on your personality, the situation, the girl’s responses and your preferred method of game. Both excitement and comfort can come in many different forms.

In verbal game, you can generate excitement by: • Cracking jokes and being funny or humorous

• Talking about risky or unusual things that get people’s attention • Being loud

• Teasing her • Flirting with her • Sexual innuendo

• Making direct sexual statements • Direct openers

• Making physical compliments of her • Speaking with high energy and enthusiasm • Asking her out

• Asking for her phone number

• Disagreeing with her about something

• Pointing out differences between the two of you And in verbal game, you can generate comfort by:

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30 • Revealing something personal about yourself

• Talking about normal, safe topics • Agreeing with her about something

• Finding commonality and similarities between the two of you • Being quiet and chill, not loud or attention-grabbing

• Speaking with relaxed, laidback energy • Expressing understanding of her • Expressing appreciation of her • Expressing acceptance of her

In the case of physical game, you generate excitement by: • Getting physically close to her, closing the distance • Holding eye contact

• Looking at her body in a sexual way • Touching her for the first time

• Increasing the frequency of the touching • Increasing the intimacy of the touching • Isolating and moving to a new place • Lifting her up

• Starting dancing with her

And in physical game, you generate comfort by:

• Moving slightly away physically, creating distance • Breaking eye contact/ looking away

• Reducing the frequency of touching • Reducing the intimacy of the touching2 • Staying in the same spot for a while • Putting her down after lifting her up • Finishing/ ending dancing

There are many other potential examples. Much of excitement and comfort is generated in the process of acting and reacting in conversation. She says one thing, and how you react will determine whether you generate excitement (by joking or teasing her for example) or comfort (by giving an honest and genuine response).

Note also that all of these examples are at different levels of intensity or “heaviness.” Touching her lightly on the shoulder for the first time generates excitement, but it is a lower level of intensity than grabbing her for a dance. Chatting about safe, normal topics facilitates comfort, but it is less comfort than what is generated by having a deep emotionally open conversation.

2

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31 And remember that you can only do those “heavier” actions once enough excitement or comfort has been established with her. You can’t just go up to a girl on the street and grab her to start dancing. That is too much excitement, and too little comfort has been established so far. But you can approach her and give a compliment, that lower level of excitement will work. In the same way, you can’t walk up to a girl and immediately have a deep, soul-searching conversation with her. Not enough excitement or comfort has been established yet for that to be tenable. But it can be done later on in the process. Both excitement and comfort are necessary to seduction. She has to feel excited and stimulated by you (emotionally and physically), and she has to feel comfortable with you (emotionally and physically).

Pre-game: Generate excitement and comfort with status

The concepts of excitement and comfort also help us understand why some men are able to seduce women very quickly and completely, seemingly without very much rapport, or without much effort in general.

It is known that men enjoying a high level of status in society (famous actors, professional athletes, prominent businessmen), or in a specific situation (bartenders, bouncers, club promoters) are more sexually desirable than lower-ranking men. Why? In the ancestral environment, a man with status and power offered protection from threats, and safety for the woman and her offspring (hence comfort). He also could provide resources, wealth, adventures and new experiences, which benefit both the woman and her offspring (hence excitement). And purely from the standpoint of physical pleasure, a powerful man is more likely to have sexual experience that enables him to give a woman satisfaction in bed. For these reasons, a man with status can induce significant excitement and comfort in women simply by walking in the room.

For example, take a famous movie star whose face has been seen a million times on TV and in newspapers. A woman has watched movies with this man, seen TV specials about him, and read

interviews with him. If one day she meets him in person, not only is it extremely exciting and stimulating (he has a seemingly superhuman amount of status, power and influence), but there is also a very strong undercurrent of comfort at work: she knows who he is, she has read about him, she has heard about his background and life story. All of the typical things that a guy would have to discuss on a first meeting or first date (or even multiple dates) so that the girl feels like she knows him, this movie star doesn’t have to worry about because millions of women already know all of that. So when they meet him in person, the familiarity and trust is already there.

If you are not an Academy Award winner, you can approximate this effect by conveying as much about your identity and personality as possible before you even open your mouth.

One way to do this is to develop a strong social circle of friends who like you and look up to you. These friends will then sing your praises to their female friends long before you meet them. Thus you become something of a “mini-celebrity,” significantly increasing the comfort and familiarity that those women

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32 feel towards you right from the start. It can also build you up in their imaginations and create

anticipation, facilitating excitement when they do meet you.

(It’s not a good idea to make friends solely for the purpose of getting dates. It won’t work anyway because no one wants to be friends with a fake person. Rather, work on building a fun and enjoyable circle of friends and connections and keep women and dating in the back of your mind as an added bonus.)

Another way to do this is through your clothing. You can dress in a way that conveys a very specific identity or personality. She will see from across the room and get a sense of what you are all about long before you even approach her. But the key is that your outfit must convey a very clear, universally identifiable image. It doesn’t help to wear an item that meant something back in your small university but that nobody else in the world knows about.

It can also be exciting to her if she sees you as a particular kind of archetype. If she’s always had a thing for rocker guys, and you walk in the room in full rocker regalia, she’s going to be interested or excited before you’ve even opened your mouth. For more on style and the sexy stereotype, see Chapter 5. Another way to increase pre-game comfort is by hanging out in places or situations where your presence says something about you. For example, if you are in a club playing a very niche kind of music, and you meet a girl there, she will automatically feel more in common with you than if she met you in the street. Other examples would be a concert, an audition for actors or theater performers, or a dance class. Even though the two of you are strangers, the simple fact that you are both there implies a certain level of commonality and therefore comfort.

Strong eye contact and the way you carry yourself can also make you more attractive and facilitate both excitement and comfort before you have approached her.3

As a general rule, meeting women through social circle connections (work, school, friends of friends, friends of your family members, neighbors, and so on) has a much higher success rate than meeting women cold, as strangers, because of the greater familiarity and comfort created by the social circle. As a stranger, you have to create that comfort from scratch, which is certainly doable, but will always be an uphill battle.4

Exceptions to the rule

It is possible to have sex with a woman without very much excitement. An excess of comfort over excitement is seen with the classic “nice guy” or a guy who is in the “friend zone.” Although he is basically a friend, sex among friends is still possible and it does happen. Once in a blue moon, he will sleep with a woman with this relationship. The kind of woman who goes for this guy is in a situation where she feels very comfortable with him, connected to him, and safe emotionally and physically.

3

Nonverbal game is covered in Chapter 9

4

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33 Crucially, she does not need any stimulation or excitement in order to be intimate with him, for

whatever reason. Maybe she is sick and tired of players and cads who toy with her. Maybe she is in a particularly vulnerable place in her life at that moment. It’s not impossible, but it is basically a rare phenomenon. Although the nice guy could technically sleep with women if he were to approach large numbers of them (because the success rate is so low), by definition an asexual “nice guy” tends to be a guy who does not approach women.

In the case of too much excitement and not enough comfort, this is the domain of the classic player or the slick, sexy guy who does not generate enough familiarity or connection with the girl. This is a guy who says all the right things, runs game on lots of girls, gets girls to laugh and feel kind of sexual, but without the underlying connection for her to actually take him seriously.

He might be a slick PUA, dressed impeccably well and drenched in cologne. Or he might even be a clown or a “court jester,” making girls laugh and doing goofy high-energy routines to attract attention and pump energy. Whatever the specific incarnation, there is not enough comfort to match the excitement side and he will lose a lot of opportunities. But, like the comfortable nice guy, he will still get some results. These kinds of guys usually approach large volumes of women hoping that one or two will stick. It’s not a bad strategy if you have a ton of time on your hands and have a superior level of outcome independence. It also tends to work if you do not have the highest standards for the women you sleep with, because you need so many leads to get a closed deal.

Despite these exceptions to the rule, the most consistent results will come from a solid combination of both comfort and excitement. Finding the right balance between the two that works for your personality and style is critical.

Your personal game

One of the biggest reasons why guys who try to improve with women often come away discouraged and unsuccessful is because they try to adopt someone else’s game. This is a problem for several important reasons.

Different guys have different goals. One guy might be looking for a one-night stand. You may be looking for a girlfriend. The things you talk about, the pace of escalation and other key elements will all differ depending on what you are looking for. So if you are looking for a serious relationship but you are using the techniques that someone else uses to get same night lays, you will probably fail.

Different guys have different personalities, strengths and weaknesses. What works for someone else might not work for you, even if you have the same goals. A tall good looking guy with a silky smooth voice has certain clear strengths that a short, average looking guy with a high voice does not. They will be perceived differently by women, treated differently and therefore their game has to be different. Factors like race, skin color and body type all play a role. In the same way, a guy may be good looking but dumb as a rock. In that case, verbal game will not be his strong suit. Another guy who is articulate and uses language to his advantage will succeed where the other guy fails, even if he is not as good looking.

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34 Different approaches work in different places. What works in night game may actually be counter-productive in the daytime, and vice versa. So if you are studying a guru who has a great method that he has tested in bars and night clubs in a major city, but you prefer to meet women in shopping malls and coffee shops in the suburbs, that is a conflict.

Unfortunately, most of the pickup industry does not adequately identify these differences and what works in one situation versus another. Instead they present their methods as “how to get women,” which is the broadest, most general concept imaginable.

So instead of all that, think about your own personality, your strengths, weaknesses and where you like to spend time. If you hate loud, crowded places, then don’t go to bars and clubs to meet women. Go to quieter and more low-key places instead. If you are introverted, don’t try to mimic the game of an extrovert, no matter how successful he is. And above all, consider what exactly you are looking for, and what kind of women you really want to be in your life.5

Consider the fundamental forces of seduction—excitement and comfort—and how you can best execute these and use them to your advantage. Use the techniques and ideas in this ebook to design your own personal game and engage with women in a sexual and powerful way that is nevertheless totally congruent with your core personality and desires.

You should have a clear sense of what you want, where you want to meet women, what kinds of women you want to meet, and what you are bringing to the table. You now understand the basic outlines of how seduction works. Next comes the “tailoring” process where you fit the two pieces together. You will find the ideal middle ground between the universal patterns of seduction on the one hand, and your individual life and goals on the other.

After sex

Don’t assume the game is over once you sleep with a girl. You will still have to “game” her on some level, indefinitely, no matter how short or long the relationship lasts. Excitement and comfort will continue to be central. If at any point she no longer feels excitement from you, or she no longer feels comfort, or both, then the relationship will suffer.

Many marriages and long term relationships suffer or fail because the excitement dissipates over time and things become too comfortable. Countless couples know the feeling of being in a “routine” where nothing is surprising or stimulating anymore. Everything is just safe and soft. In this case, excitement needs to be introduced back into the mix to spice things up and stoke that desire again. Excitement can come in the form of flirting, teasing, challenging, date nights, new bedroom activities, or other

measures.

This is why it’s better to focus on seduction as the cultivation and management of sexual connection (physical and emotional connection), rather than as a series of tasks you need to do to have sex.

5

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35 In the long run you will find much more satisfaction in being a seducer, a man who is able to connect with women on a physical and emotional level, than in being “a guy who can get laid.” The guys who have the most sex with the best women are those who are living powerful and engaging lives, and sex is an added bonus to their overall lifestyle. They don’t focus on sex, they focus on those other things. And sex is the byproduct.

While seduction to the first sex is the most critical, you will need to continue seducing your woman over time. And she needs to keep seducing you as well (that’s for her to worry about). The best and longest-lasting relationships are those where a balance of strong comfort and strong excitement keeps renewing itself over time.

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7. Comfort and communication

Between excitement and comfort, comfort tends to be the more challenging and complex aspect of seduction. Comfort means trust, safety, familiarity, understanding, acceptance and rapport. The good news is that, with the right practice, introverts can realize a tremendous advantage in comfort game.6 Recall that the vibe swings back and forth between excitement and comfort as the conversation or the overall seduction moves forward. You will keep exciting and stimulating her all the way through to the end. And you will keep reaching deeper levels of comfort and connection all the way through as well. There is no point in the process where excitement “ends” and comfort “begins.” They are both continuously in effect, although in a given moment, one or the other will be more prominent.

This chapter will provide basic guidelines for developing comfort and connection with women, including how to process her communication. This provides a foundation for the details discussed in later

chapters.

Overall strategy for comfort and connection

Genuine conversation that allows connection to occur can be facilitated with two very simple tools: (1) listening/ observation and (2) sharing. Mastering these two skills can potentially revolutionize your results with women.

Listening to the girl and processing what she is saying is a simple but effective way to keep a

conversation interesting and make an emotional connection. Too many men have mediocre or terrible listening and observation skills. This creates numerous problems, small and large. The biggest problem is that it inhibits a real connection from developing. Connection requires a two-way communication, and if the woman is saying something or expressing something, and he is not listening, it is almost impossible for him to connect with her.

Poor observation also results in the question chain that many guys fall into, where they ask one question after another, creating a dreadfully boring conversation:

Man: Hi, how are you? Woman: Good.

M: What are you drinking? W: A beer.

M: What kind of beer? W: XYZ brand.

M: How is it? W: Good.

M: Cool. So... do you come here often?

6