The Basic Guide to Workplace Dating by Terrence B.
published 05/06/13
Forums: http://workplacedating.prophpbb.com Email: [email protected]
TABLE OF CONTENTS FOREWORD
CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION CHAPTER 2: FOUNDATIONS CHAPTER 3: FEMALE BEHAVIOR CHAPTER 4: ATTRACTION
CHAPTER 5: INTEREST AND DISINTEREST CHAPTER 6: CLOSING
CHAPTER 7: COMMUNICATING INTENTIONS CHAPTER 8: ENDING THE COURTSHIP
CHAPTER 9: PITFALLS
CHAPTER 10: ADVANCED WORKPLACE DATING APPENDIX
FOREWORD
Over the past few years, I've been writing a book about workplace dating based on my own experiences. I'm now making it publicly available "as is" because I am no longer interested in finishing it. I'm beyond workplace dating now, and have other interests I want to pursue. Ultimately, the guide is written for men who are interested in workplace dating, and want some information about it from someone who's been there.
I want to mention that this guide is incomplete, maybe about 90% done. The spelling and grammar is okay, but the order and structure is not quite how I want it. I mostly just put the information down and did very little arranging. There are several things I wanted to add, reword or remove, and many of the ideas I did write about are not as perfectly worded as I would like, but I had to start with something. In short, it's incomplete.
If you're willing to read through the disorder and incompleteness, I promise you will find some gems that will allow you to successfully date women from your workplace while preserving your reputation and your job. If you're familiar with the basic foundations of dating and you want to get started right away, then I suggest you read Chapters 5, 6, and 9 as they relate to Interest and Disinterest, Closing, and Pitfalls. You'll find several word-for-word examples I've used to close women at work. But even if you don't attempt to date at work, the guide will at least open your eyes to what's possible in the workplace. I stand firm in saying that workplace dating is possible, easy, and you can do it
successfully if you read the guide. I've been in contact with men who do workplace dating exclusively. They don't go to bars and clubs; they only date women from work. I was one of those men. I have dated, and had sex, with dozens of women from the places I've worked. If I ever went to the club, I never pulled because I already was seeing one or two co-workers at the time.
Consider just a few of the things I've learned about workplace dating:
1. There are no time constraints. In the club, you only have a few hours to close the deal or you may never see your target again, but in the workplace she has to come back to the same place as you the next day, and the next day, and the next day. It's like the movie Groundhog's Day. Each day you get another chance to close the deal. So you have plenty of time and opportunity to plan your approach without feeling anxious about the 3-second rule. Women who I didn't close the first or second time around ended up closing me at a later time.
2. You are already in the comfort phase. Most men at work will notice that female co-workers will express an interest in them out of the blue, when they've worked together for so long. Actually, it's partially due to the fact that she's been around you all that time, getting used to your presence and behaviors, that you were building comfort with her without consciously doing so. Based on my experience, and those of several men I know, women tend to approach and close men at work more often than men do the women. It's as if the roles between the workplace and the club are reversed. In the club, the men
chase the women. In the workplace, the women chase the men. And because so many men are fearful of a harassment complaint, all that means is that there is virtually no competition at the workplace. It's sort of like being the only guy in a club full of women. You don't have to worry about anyone gaming your target, or pretty much any woman for that matter. And if that wasn't enough, you don't have to put as much effort into attracting women from work as you would do at the club. If you work at any given company for awhile, eventually you will find attractive women opening up to you when you were not consciously targeting them.
3. Women who are attracted to you will be attracted for a very long time. You know that one hot girl at work that you wanted to bang for the past several months? There are women who feel the same way about you for the same length of time. And if you're intuitive, you'll be able to pick up on their interest. Some women will flirt with you for many months in an effort to close you for a date. And because there are no time constraints, you have plenty of time and opportunity to close the deal when you want. It's little things like these you will find if you can temporarily withhold judgment, read the guide once, and be optimistic about the possibilities. You might even recall instances where you could have been dating certain women at work, but you didn't realize the opportunity was there until after reading the guide. Either way, I believe you'll find that even if you still won't date at work, you will at least see that it's easier than what you thought possible.
Of course, you’re probably well aware that there are those who are against workplace dating. They say things like, "Don't shit where you eat", "Women at work are vindictive and manipulative", and "You could lose your job if you make a mistake." But I tell you that people's perceptions about the risks of workplace dating are grossly overrated. Granted, it's all in an effort to help you keep your job. But all the negative propaganda not only causes unnecessary pessimism and fear in men, but it perpetuates division between the sexes. I'm here to set the record straight on three points:
First, women are not vindictive or manipulative by nature. They’re actually quite peaceful and considerate. Most cases of male-on-female harassment arise from men "plowing through" in the face of clear disinterest. In other words, women don't file harassment complaints just out of the blue. It takes men who are either too forward or too persistent in unwanted behavior. Women have made it clear to them, “No thanks”, “I’m busy”, “I'm not interested,” or “Don't touch me.” But these men come back again and again trying to win these women over by falling into same pitfalls. To be honest, I've fallen into every pitfall I've mentioned in the guide, numerous times. But I noticed that even from within the pitfall, as long as I was indirect in my approach, and speaking calmly while respecting personal space, women were receptive, or they communicated disinterest without issue. My point is, there are friendly, considerate women in the company who are open to being approached, and they will respect you before, during, and after the encounter. And it's easy to recognize these women. This is part of the reason why I try to stress being optimistic. When you choose to be optimistic, you create
continually expect the worst and think others are out to get you, without the slightest attempt to think more positively, then you will see this result and miss out on rewarding opportunities.
Second, there are some men who feel it's not attracting women in the workplace that's the problem, it's dealing with women who turn vindictive during the courtship, women who would jeopardize their employment when things don't go her way. My response to this is, as difficult as it might be to believe, it's not the woman's attitude that's the problem here, but the man's. Most of the men who claim women are vindictive and manipulative are misogynistic in attitude. These are men who use terms like "bitch shields", and take pleasure in "negging" women. After numerous rejections in the game, they perceive women as bitches in general, and they approach women with that attitude in mind, even at a subtle level. Such men have an "us versus them" mentality, and ultimately developed a dislike for women, without being aware of it. These men are against workplace dating because they expect women to reject and disrespect them as in the club, but now with the additional fear of a harassment complaint. Because of their fixed attitude towards women, they continually find themselves faced with women who eventually do disrespect them. Yes, I've had bad experiences with vindictive women, but I do not blame them for their behavior. I blame myself for first perceiving them as having an attitude problem. If we as men would only choose to see all women as loving, considerate people, things would change radically in our favor.
And third, not every harassment complaint filed results in job termination. Companies have an obligation to thoroughly investigate all claims to avoid a wrongful termination lawsuit, and in some cases, it was determined that the plaintiff falsified the complaint. But besides this, many companies actually try to resolve the issue without terminating anyone’s employment. They recognize the difference between a man asking a woman out on a date, and a man touching her ass. Once I fell into one of the pitfalls and had a
harassment complaint filed against me. When I sat down with the HR administrator, she told me what happened, and then proceeded to tell me how to recognize when a woman is interested and disinterested, and how to talk with women in a way that makes them more open and receptive to me. Then she let the incident go with a warning. It wasn't even put in my company record. Can you imagine!? Here I am, thinking I'm about to lose my job, and the person who has the power to fire me is giving me tips on how to score with women. So I tell you, when you're optimistic about your success, people in all levels of the company resonate with that and they will want you to succeed.
In retrospect, my experiences in the pitfalls have shown me that women in general are open and understanding about male behavior as it relates to men expressing interest in them. And they have ways of expressing disinterest peacefully without having to run to HR. And when you’re optimistic about workplace dating, there are people in all levels of the company who are understanding, considerate, and actually care about your success. Therefore, if you attempt to date at work, you are encouraged to be optimistic, and to choose success. Against all odds, choose that the people in your workplace are open, considerate, and understanding as it relates to your success in workplace dating. But if
you're still apprehensive, you are not asked to consciously attempt workplace dating. Instead, simply read the guide, but as you do I encourage you to be a little more open and optimistic about the possibilities.
If I had to sum up how to do workplace dating in one sentence it would be this: Target only those women who show an interest in you on a consistent basis, and of those women, date the ones who show the strongest interest. But it’s equally important to say that when you have an optimistic mindset, you will get the kind of women you want, the kind of relationships you want, and avoid the pitfalls without effort on your part.
You're free to use the information in the guide as a resource if you want to write your own book about workplace dating. Perhaps someone might be open to completing this guide. Whatever you choose to do with the guide, I grant you even greater success than myself in the world of workplace dating.
CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION
This is The Basic Guide to Workplace Dating. It is written for the man who is interested in having a romantic or sexual relationship with a female co-worker. The Guide will not go into detail about all the different types of women who may be targeted at work, or the different types of work environments, or all the variations of workplace relationships that are possible. However, the Guide will present sound principles and guidelines that
enables you to target only those women who you will have the greatest success at
entering into a romantic relationship with, and doing so while preserving your reputation and your job.
It is important to know that the social climate and female behavior within the workplace is significantly different than within the bar or club. Therefore, ignore any half-page internet articles about workplace dating that only provide shallow tips like "Just be confident and you'll get the girl," without providing any depth about the social dynamics in the workplace, and how you should tailor your game as such in order to attract women. Indeed, many dating coaches frown upon the idea of attempting to attract women at work, citing harassment risks. While their concerns are valid, consider that many dating coaches no longer work in traditional workplace environments because they quit their jobs and now make their living as dating coaches. In other words, they technically cannot provide comprehensive advice on attracting women at work because they're no longer in those environments to attract women and test their theories. And those coaches who are still working at a job simply prefer to target women at venues outside of the workplace environment. And since they're well aware that most men do the same, they therefore provide dating products that are tailored for these venues.
But I can say in full confidence that The Basic Guide to Workplace Dating provides men a comprehensive resource for attracting women at work, as opposed to bars and clubs. It is the result of real world field testing within 4 different workplaces (from a fastfood restaurant to a corporate office environment), and entering into romantic and sexual relationships with over 30 women of diverse ages, ethnicities and job titles. Also, much of the information comes from feedback from dozens of female workers in various industries regarding what they consider appropriate (and inappropriate) in terms of dating in the workplace.
In addition, none of these guidelines stem from the idea that I started workplace dating as a "natural" or "guru". Much of the information in the Guide came from making mistakes and even jeopardizing my reputation and career. But after learning from such mistakes, I began applying sound principles while continuing to push boundaries. You can now accelerate your learning curve for attracting women at work by reading this Guide. This Guide assumes that you're already familiar with basic principles of dating and seduction, that you understand female psychology with regards to what's attractive to women, and that you have the ability to Attract, build Comfort, and Seduce your target. The Guide also assumes you possess alpha-male qualities such as confidence, humor, leadership, social intuition, good body language, and being a challenge. While not
necessarily an "advanced guide" for pickup, the Guide merely takes the foundations of dating and seduction and applies them to the workplace environment, with some reservations. If you're new to dating and seduction, then I recommend learning the foundations from resources such as Double Your Dating, Speed Seduction, Love
Systems, Real Social Dynamics and Venusian Arts. These resources are great starters for developing yourself into the kind of man that women find attractive. They will also teach you the elements of indirect game, which will be your primary means of attracting women in the workplace.
But once you are your target are OFF company grounds, and OFF the clock, you'll want to switch to direct game, and for that I highly recommend Mode One, David X, Badboy Lifestyles, 60 Years of Challenge and Dimitri the Lover. Their products show you how to communicate your interests to women in an upfront, honest manner. I dare say most men in the seduction community have used a combination of the above resources to attract beautiful women into their lives.
A WORD OF CAUTION:
Because the Guide provides sound principles and guidelines that are conducive to successfully courting women at work, I give you a word of caution before we begin: Upon reading the Guide and internalizing its concepts, you will feel as if you have the inside scoop on workplace dating that no other guy at your company has. And because so few men will even attempt to attract women at work, you will feel like you're the only "seducer" at the office. You will feel as if you "own" the women at your company. And as a result you will feel compelled to go to your job and use these skills with every woman at work. But it is this overly ambitious and arrogant mentality that can lead to your downfall. Therefore, you are advised to KEEP YOUR COOL, AND TAKE THINGS SLOW. This is especially if you have never consciously attempted workplace dating before. Don't rush and attempt to do all the things in this Guide in a matter of days. Start slowly by applying a few of the principles, and trying them out for awhile until they become part of you, then build from there. Besides, as you will learn, you are to target only certain women, not game the whole company. Keep your cool.
Also, it is vital that you read the Guide at least once in its entirety, word for word. Don't skim over certain sections because you've been in the seduction community for some time and you assume you're already familiar with what's going to be said. This Guide is tailored specifically to gaming in the workplace, and as such it's important that you understand WHAT to expect, and WHY. While you will definitely stand out as a man who is unique and brings something wonderful to the women at work, your actions and behaviors can equally generate discomfort and harassment complaints. Therefore, you will find much advice within the Guide erring on the side of caution. This serves the purpose of keeping you off the radar and preserving your reputation and job. Because of the risks involved, I further recommend that you read the Guide at least twice before you even begin attracting women at work. Tis' better to be blown out of a set in the club, than to be blown out of a job because of harassment. Read the Guide all the way through, word for word.
In the year 2013, with all the dating products available, workplace dating is still a very new niche, primarily because of the perceived risks involved. All this means is those who consciously attempt workplace dating with an optimistic mindset will become the
pioneers in this area, and can even start a profitable dating business. So I encourage you to choose success. No matter how many people voice all the risks involved, be optimistic and choose that you will be successful in workplace dating. If you do this, I promise you that not only will you experience the rewards that come with dating in the workplace, but you will also be the first person that guys come to with questions about how to get the girl at work.
Finally, thank you for taking the opportunity to read this Guide. If the Guide is helpful to you, then I encourage you to share it with other male co-workers, friends and relatives who you feel would benefit from it. I assure you they will be thankful that you did.
Now, let us begin...
There is a class of women that don't go to bars or clubs at night to find a man. They prefer to meet a man spontaneously either during the daytime, through their social circle, or at work. A woman's logic for meeting a man at work is, "Why dress up to meet a complete stranger at the bar or club, when I can get together with that cute co-worker with whom I'm already familiar?" This is because unlike bar and club where she has to get to know a stranger from scratch, at the workplace she is getting to know you from day to day and getting a feel of your personality and behaviors in the workplace.
Women from work find that the workplace is a safer haven for finding a man, rather than face a barrage of drunken men at the bar or club who she has to constantly screen.
Some women are educated, intelligent, assertive, well-dressed and have high self-esteem, and are usually perceived as alpha females. Many are single moms.
But they all have one thing in common: They're lonely, they want attention, and they're located at your workplace.
And while it may appear that competition is high with other males being at work, rest assured that most of these men are either already in committed relationships, they have approach anxiety and afraid to offend, or they reserve dating until they're off company grounds for fear of a harassment complaint. This allows you the opportunity to be perhaps the ONLY man at your workplace who gives a woman the genuine attention she secretly desires, without her having to look for it at the bars and clubs. Trust me my friend, you have NO competition at work.
CHAPTER 2: FOUNDATIONS
The Foundations chapter is THE most important chapter in this book in terms of dating successfully at your workplace. It’s all about being optimistic. This is the very foundation of my success. Not the clothes I wear. Not the words I say. Not the things I do. All those things have their foundation in an optimistic mindset. All things seen and done on the outside springs from what’s seen and done on the inside.
Therefore, you are advised to read this chapter several times and internalize its concepts. We will get to what to "say" and what to "do", but for now the primary objective here is how to "be". Once you can “be”, the “saying” and “doing” will become natural and effortless. That’s why I encourage you to read this chapter more often than any other chapter in this guide. It’s that important and makes workplace dating so much easier for you. By being the things described in this chapter, not only will the right women make their interests known to you, but you also avoid common pitfalls that would jeopardize your reputation and your job, all without effort on your part.
BEING OPTIMISTIC
If the Foundations chapter is the most important chapter to read, then this section on being optimistic is the most important section in the entire Guide. If you have not done so, I encourage you to read the Foreword at the beginning of this Guide as it talks about some of the benefits of being optimistic.
Being optimistic as I describe it goes beyond typical self-help tips like "Just be confident and you'll get the girl." So let’s begin the process of assuming an optimistic mindset. First, you must ignore the warnings of friends, family, and fellow co-workers who tell you that workplace dating is dangerous. It is understood that they care about your future, and they believe they are seeking your best interests. However, their concerns are rooted in pessimism and fear. If you are to take this path you must be optimistic about it. Also, you must never allow the bad experiences of other men to adversely affect your pursuit of dating in the workplace. This is especially if those men have had harassment complaints filed against them. Understand that just because it happened to them does NOT mean it will happen to you. There are many elements that led up their misfortune, and upon careful examination, you'll find that in many cases these men overlooked or ignored some of the principles in the Guide that would have kept them safe. Nevertheless, it is important to realize that those men are not YOU. Their experiences are not YOUR experiences. Their results are not YOUR results. You must continue forward with your interests in mind, and not be easily influenced by the bad experiences of others.
You cannot allow the bad experiences or perceptions of others stop you from attaining potentially rewarding experiences for yourself.
In light of stories you've heard about harassment complaints, even if it's first-hand knowledge, you must be optimistic about YOUR success. You can not go around worrying about saying or doing the the wrong thing, or wondering if a harassment complaint will be filed against you. You must believe that the right women for you will make themselves available to you. You must believe you are to be successful if such success will be realized in your life.
Once you become confident within yourself to consciously exercise the principles in the Guide, you will find that not only will workplace dating be easier for you, but it will seem as if you're the only man at work who is doing it.
If you're too worried about making women uncomfortable and causing harassment complaints, then your worries will reflect in your body language and how you interact with women, giving off a bad vibe that makes them feel uneasy. Therefore, be true to yourself right this moment. If you know that you have fears about workplace dating, then do NOT attempt to attract any women at your workplace. At least, not right now. Don't attempt any non-work related conversations with any woman you're attracted to. Simply say Hello or Good morning, and get to work.
If you're interested in dating women at work but still have some apprehensions, take some time, perhaps a month or so, and build the confidence within you before walking this path. You must be optimistic if you're going to consciously date in the workplace. Continue reading this book as will help you in building your confidence, and so you'll know what to say and do once you consciously date at work. Practice the Visualization and Affirmation exercises later in this chapter, as they help build a foundation for being optimistic.
Not to get too metaphysical, but there is a lot of truth to things such as the "Laws of Attraction", “Imagination creates reality”, and getting the things you put your mind to. If one were to see only negative circumstances and expect bad things to happen, then it will become so. What he set his mind to became his reality. This is the primary reason why some men appear to get more women and a successful lifestyle. It's unlikely they were born that way, and therefore they had their share of bad experiences as the next guy. But instead of looking at grim circumstances and accepting them as a fact of life, they have conditioned themselves to believe that they can have the better things in life, and it became so. You too can have the same success, if you choose to believe it.
The positive attributes I display on the outside that are attractive to women (the humor, non-needy, etc.), all have their foundation in the optimism within me. It's not the other way around. Someone might point to something outside of me and say, "See? She laughs at his jokes. That's what makes him attractive," or "She said she likes him for the way he dresses," or "She told me she's attracted to his social status." But the end goal, the dream within me, is that I am attractive to women, and I get the girl, period. Therefore, the attractive qualities I display on the outside springs from that optimism within me.
Optimism also applies to finding women to date in the workplace. You must believe that the right women will make themselves available to you.
You must KNOW that you are desirable, and you must believe that the right women for you are coming your way, and that they will be receptive to you.
Know that you are a desirable man to women for the very fact that you ARE a man. No matter how many times it seems you have been turned down by a woman, you must know that you are worthy of every woman's attention and affection. But it starts with believing this within you.
CHOOSE TO SEE WOMEN AS LOVING
You may recall in the Foreword that it’s not a woman's bad attitude that's the problem, but the man's perception of her. We see what we expect to see.
Therefore you are encouraged to perceive women as loving in attitude. You cannot have an "Us versus them", "Pimps up, hoes down" mentality. Women are beautiful, loving creatures to be loved, admired and cherished, not bitches who are to be looked down upon as lesser than you.
One of the first things you can do to deal with women you perceive as having an attitude problem, is to change your attitude towards them. Choose to see women as loving and respectful towards you, even if they persist with a bad attitude weeks or months from now. As if their rudeness was a front for a gentle, compassionate side of them. By choosing to see women as loving, you break the spell of their rudeness, and their gentle side will be revealed to you and others. Choose, choose, choose.
If we as men would only choose to see all women as loving, considerate people, things would change radically in our favor.
VISUALIZATION AND AFFIRMATION
Here are a few imaginary exercises you can practice to help build optimism and confidence within you. This is my personal method for being optimistic.
Imagine you’re at work and in conversation with a co-worker you’d like to date. Give it a first-person point of view, as if she’s right in front of you, looking into your eyes. The conversation is going great and she’s very open with you. Now imagine her
complimenting you and saying things you’d like to hear from women. “You’re a good listener.” “You’re fun to talk to.” “You’re interesting.” “You’re attractive.” “I don’t have a boyfriend.” “Would you like to go out on a date?” Now you can imagine the two of you on a dinner date. You’re sitting close and she’s enjoying your eye contact and you
you. Feel the softness of her lips. Enjoy kissing her for a few seconds and imagine her enjoying it. Now imaging she’s again saying things you’d like to hear. “I’m having a good time with you.” “You’re such a good kisser.” “I feel a strong connection with you.” “Would you like to come over to my place?” Then you can imagine the two of you in each other’s arms in bed, and listening to her pillow-talking with you. “That was amazing.” “You’re a wonderful man.” “You feel so good next to me.” “I’d love to see you again.” Imagine everything she says sounds genuine and from the heart.
You can also add positive affirmations to reinforce your visualizations: “I’m very
attractive to women.” “I’m a good conversationalist.” “Women are so open and receptive to me.” “Women are respectful and considerate of me.” “I’m desirable and wanted by women.” “Women want to date me.” “Women love to be with me.” “Women want to have sex with me.” “Women love me.” “I always get the girl.” “Things always work out in my favor.” You can imagine saying these things to yourself while imagining her saying the things you’d like to hear in conversation.
The key is to choose that what you’re imagining is real and true, as if it’s happening right now or happened in the recent past and you’re simply reminiscing. You can also switch to another woman you’d like to date and play out the same scenes in your mind. These exercises may feel awkward and unnatural at first, especially if you haven’t had much success with women. But I promise if you do these exercises as often as possible on a daily basis, you will actually come to believe that you’re desirable to women and that they love you, and it will feel natural. And anytime you imagine any woman in your mind, it will always be in a positive light.
The basic foundation in all your visualization and affirmation exercises, is to CHOOSE that women say the things you want to hear, and treat you the way you want to be treated. Always choose that she’s open and receptive to you. That she’s considerate, and won't say or do anything to jeopardize your reputation or your job. Do this and eventually they will treat you that way in real life. But don’t stop there. Do the same with other co-workers, your supervisors and even HR. Choose that even they are understanding, considerate, and they want you to succeed. Imagine them saying things to you that reflects who you want to be: “You’re a great asset to the company.” “I admire your confidence and leadership.” “Women are so open and receptive to you.” You can even imagine two people having a private conversation about you: “Did you hear about John? He was recently promoted to a new position.” “I heard that John’s dating another
employee. He’s really a ladies’ man.” “I love John’s attitude. He’s always upbeat and optimistic.” The choices you make within will be reflected without in your reality. This is the basis for being optimistic.
You are encouraged to be persistent in being optimistic, even if it seems nothing has changed in your circumstances. Be optimistic even if the next day, or next week, or even the next 6 months you get consistent disinterest from women. You can even apply the visualizations and affirmations towards women you perceive as being vindictive or having an attitude problem. Either way, if you choose to be optimistic, and persist in this,
I promise you, those same women who first appeared disinterested will open up to you, and things will work out in your favor, because you have chosen success from within. Continue to imagine that you're having fun, engaging conversations with women from your workplace. Visualize them giving you strong interest. You must believe it. You must KNOW that you are a desirable man and that women are attracted to you. This is your reality. By doing this, know that you will cause your circumstances to change in a way that the right women at work will be made available to you, and they will be open and receptive to you for dating, to the point where much of this Guide won't be
necessary.
The workplace is your domain. It doesn't matter if you're in an entry-level position or you're paid less than you think you deserve, you are not some cog or nobody. You are a valuable asset to the company. You are a man who brings life to your organization. You must always know that your company is very fortunate to have you as part of their team. Such a mentality must be reflected in your professional appearance at work, the exceptional performance of your tasks, and how well you interact with your customers and other co-workers. Management will recognize you as someone worthy of recognition and promotion, and you will distinguish yourself in the eyes of women, who will view you as a man that knows how to do his job well, cares about what he is doing, and is capable of being a provider for his loved ones.
The remaining information in the Foundations chapter deal with assuming certain behaviors that are attractive to women.
I will now begin with the one behavior that will greatly improve your success in workplace dating. It is the basis of all other behaviors, it is the foundation for being an alpha male at your workplace, and it is the start of generating attraction with women at work:
BE COOL, CALM AND CONNECTED BE COOL
You want to be a man who is at peace with himself. The workplace is your domain, therefore you are comfortable and at ease in your own domain. Most employees within "fast-paced", "high-stress" work environments actually exhibit these behaviors, but you will NOT. You are unfazed by all the hustle and bustle around you. Your station is fairly neat and organized. Walk slowly and casually to your destination. Never appear as if you're anxious or in a hurry. Your body movements should appear slow and graceful. You never appear down or complain over doing an unfavorable task. You are indifferent and realize that all tasks performed are in the best interests of the company that helps support your lifestyle. If you must work faster to accomplish a task, you do so
none of this finger-tapping, thumb-twiddling or heel-tapping nonsense. No fidgeting. You are above these things. Emulate the dominant, yet smooth body language of men like Antonio Banderas, Pierce Brosnan, Denzel Washington, Andy Garcia or even The Fonz.
BE CALM
When anyone approaches you for assistance, you immediately welcome them with a warm smile, as if you were expecting them. Even if someone asks you about some difficult problem they're experiencing, you never squint your face as if you're trying to process what they're saying. Keep a relaxed, unaffected face at all times, perhaps even a slight smile to demonstrate how sure you are of yourself in the midst of uncertainty and confusion in others. When people approach you who behave as if they're anxious, in a hurry or stressed out, resist the temptation to match their behavior. Do NOT speak in a fast-paced tone just because they are. And never attempt to out-shout anyone in any arguments or disputes. Be assertive, but self-controlled. You are always the calm one in any situation, so no matter how chaotic the environment becomes, always keep your cool. You are un-reactive. You must possess equanimity.
You will possess the power to influence others to become at ease in your presence. Women in the vicinity will notice your calm and relaxed behavior, and you will easily stand out as a man who doesn't let adverse people or circumstances bother him. This will elicit intrigue and curiosity within women. Remember, you are a man in control of himself. You are the calm in the storm.
A Cool and Calm mind is able to think clearly, and recognize opportunities that you can take advantage of.
You will appear as if you’re unlike ordinary men. Women will also feel comfortable in your presence.
BE CONNECTED
Being Connected means being involved in the lives of other co-workers. You want to do more than just show up, do your job and go home. You must establish connections with others and build camaraderie. Your life at work must be centered around interacting with people. Being connected will give you the presence and visibility to stand out as an alpha male at your workplace, and female co-workers will become attracted by how well you interact with others. The people you're Connected to can also be your eyes and ears within the workplace in case a harassment complaint is wrongfully filed against you. One of the best ways to be connected in your workplace is to build a social circle that includes women.
A few examples of being connected include visiting other departments and striking up conversation with the people there, and attending social events like company parties and retreats. You will find many more examples of being connected in the Appendix.
Your Connectedness is an excellent way for her to evaluate your personality and
ultimately build comfort with you. Yes, you can actually build comfort with a woman by how well you interact with others, and how well they respond to you. It's not necessary to have dozens of friends or have close ties to VIPs in the company. Being connected is more about being sociable, so you want to be approachable and open to interacting with others. Sometimes you can build comfort with a woman just by merely being in the same vicinity for an extended period of time. Remember, women who are interested in dating a man from their workplace would like to first evaluate his behavior at work. If you have an open, friendly personality, then you have already established a sense of comfort with those women who work in your area. You have "primed" them to be open to dating you. You cannot be a recluse who closes himself off from others.
Applying several of the above examples will work wonders for your reputation and how women respond to you. By projecting alpha male characteristics such as being well-groomed, leader of men, good social intuition and building connections with others, your energy and charisma will be felt by those around you. You don't need be the life of the party everywhere you go, but you should at least be sociable. You will be perceived as a person of importance in the company, even if you're in an entry-level position. People will see you as someone who brings value to the company, and to all those with whom you interact. They will be intrigued by your poise, and admire your calm resolve in the midst of a chaotic environment. Doors will be opened to you for career advancement. She will be impressed by how well-rounded you are in the company. She will learn good things people are saying about you. That you are a "go-to" guy. She will become attracted.
It's important to know that being Connected is more than mere social proof. You must be an effective conversationalist that has the power to influence people with your words. This comes from taking an interest in the people you interact with, listening to them, and understanding them. If you need suggestions on how to become more of a "people-person", then I recommend reading “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie, and “Never Eat Alone” by Keith Ferrazzi. These books will help you
understand people and how you can attract them into your life.
While you will attract female co-workers by applying the above examples, you must understand that your primary reason for being more active and involved at the workplace is to better yourself, to build your reputation and advance in your career. You're not being active solely to attract women. You're being active for your personal and professional
growth. You're making a name for yourself. The women who become attracted are merely an "employee benefit."
Understand clearly that being Cool, Calm and Connected is the key to attracting female co-workers without intentionally "trying" to attract them. In fact, some women will express strong interest in you before you have even chosen them for dating. Instead of cold approaching and telling her about yourself in an attempt to generate attraction (although it's possible), you allow her to get to know more about you indirectly by your confident appearance, how well you interact with other co-workers, how delicate you handle your customers, and your professional behavior at work. You want her to evaluate your behavior and get a general sense of your personality, so that by the time you have your first one-on-one interaction together, she will already perceive you as having high-value, and she will be warmed up to your approach.
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It is generally accepted that women are attracted to certain qualities in a man such as Confidence, Leadership, Preselection, Dominance, Non-needy, Social Intuition, Health, Wealth, Protector of Loved Ones, and Humor. In my personal experience, the ones that are the most potent for generating attraction in women at the workplace are Leadership, Preselection and being Non-needy.
LEADERSHIP
Take opportunities to lead others in a group project or volunteer to give a presentation to others. Where other co-workers appear flaky about leading, take charge of the situation by assuming leadership.
This is where being Cool and Calm works in your favor.
Exhibiting Cool and Calm behavior in the face of fast-paced or high-stress situations makes you worthy of being a Leader, and both your superiors as well as women will notice this. You're a Leader when you're Connected and can build camaraderie and motivation within others. Being
You don't show up for work as if you're about to hang out with your friends at the club. Your attire is appropriate for the environment you work in, and you dress as one who best represents the company's image for your position. At the very least, you appear to be someone who leads, even if you're in an entry-level position. Your body is also cleaned and well-groomed. You have a manageable hairstyle, clean teeth and fresh breath. You know a woman has a keen sense of smell, so you need only wear little cologne or none at all for a natural scent, but at the very least you've showered, and have on deodorant. As a leader, you need not hover around a woman you're interested in talking to. You simply approach and open her for conversation. You believe that she actually WANTS you to talk to her.
You can motivate others to accomplish a common goal.
Leadership also works in one on one interactions with your target. You need to "lead" the interaction. She expects this.
She will be impressed by how others respond to you. Conveying Leadership will
naturally cause a woman to perceive that you are both Confident and Dominant and have good Social Intuition.
View yourself as the "owner" or "CEO" of the company where you work. By having an ownership mentality, you'll find that it's much easier to open other co-workers for
conversation. And it will be. After all, these people work in the company that you "own". Therefore, you SHOULD get to know them, and they SHOULD get to know you. You are that important. Having an ownership mentality also helps you advance your career because you will naturally be one who cares about the organization and finding ways to make processes more efficient.
PRESELECTION
A woman is attracted to a man who she knows other women find attractive. There must be something valuable about him
The easiest way to convey preselection is to simply have conversations with women at work, preferably conversations that are non-work related. Because the workplace is a highly visible environment where there are always eyes and ears around, other women in the vicinity will see or hear you in conversation with a woman.
Very few men actually have conversations with women at work. Remember, most of these men are either already in committed relationships, they have approach anxiety and afraid to offend, or they reserve their game until they're off company grounds for fear of a harassment complaint. What that means for you is having just a casual conversation with a woman will be appealing to other women. They will wonder what's so special about that woman that she has your attention instead of them. It also tells them that you're experienced and comfortable being with women. That you are a ladies' man.
It's also attractive to women to see other women at your station or in your office talking with you.
You can even mention that you're preselected. Mention something that happened to you can you last girlfriend. Even more effective, you can even use interactions that you've had with other women at work to demonstrate that you're preselected. If you have your own office or station, and women give you gifts, consider displaying a few of them on your desk or wall. When another woman asks about them, feel free to say that a "lady-friend
from another department" gave it to you. You don't have to name names. This will spark intrigued and perhaps a sense of jealousy in your target:
You: "Yeah, my last girlfriend is really into fashion, so I learned few things about the industry from her. So yes, you've got good color coordination with your dress and shoes." You: "Yeah, a lady-friend of mine from Accounting came to my office and gave me a chocolate cupcake that she baked from scratch. It was very delicious."
You: "Yeah, I was talking with a woman from Marketing yesterday about a similar topic. I'm surprised she had my attention for a good 10 to 15 minutes. She's a good
conversationalist."
Another option is to invite a lady-friend who doesn't work at your job, to accompany you to a company party or some other get-together at work. Or have her stop by and visit you from time to time. This one move will cause many women at your workplace to see you in a much more attractive light. If she asks why, be honest and tell her that you're interested in dating at work, and you feel that she will make you look good to other women. Trust me, she will be flattered.
NON-NEEDY
Of all the alpha-male qualities you can communicate to a woman, the MOST POTENT quality you can communicate in the workplace is being non-needy. You're patient. You're not in a hurry to close her. You cut your conversations short. Women who perceive that you're patient with them makes them comfortable with you because you're not pushy. The also tend to assume that you have other women after your attention. Being non-needy also means that you don't make yourself too available. You rarely engage a woman in conversation, because you have other things going on in your life besides her. Therefore you are elusive to her. You don't need to stare at a woman or continually glance in her direction.
Being non-needy means you're also elusive. You don't have lengthy conversations with women because you have a job to do. But you also want to tease her by showing her a just a little attention
A foundation for being non-needy comes from having an abundance mentality. Know that there are many women who are looking for a man like you. So there is no need to be too attached to any one particular woman. Even if a woman shows disinterest later on in the courtship, other women will be made available to you. You have selection and choice. You are to become her lover, not her platonic friend, so instead of making yourself too available and doing nice things for her all the time, you are to be Elusive and Enchanting.
One of my lovers from work confessed to me, "Terrence, do you know why I chose you? Because you didn't chase after me."
It's well known that women crave attention from men. So it stands to reason that when you withdraw such attention from her, when you show her that you don't need her, when you demonstrate that you can walk away, is when she will become more attracted to you, and will try her best to get back the attention that she lost. It is when you stop chasing her that you entice her to chase after you.
The best way to attract women in the workplace is to behave as if you're not trying to attract them. Many women will make their interest known to you if they feel you're not chasing after them. Women tend to become more attracted to you when you behave as if you don't need them, and when you don't give them any special attention that they're accustomed to from most men. Often they wonder if it's because you are getting attention from other women. Your non-neediness will make a woman feel comfortable escalating a relationship with you because she won't feel pressured to do so like she would with a man who behaves as if he's way too interested in her.
You are also patient. You never express too much interest too soon in any woman. And you never jump the gun and attempt to close a woman before she has shown strong interest in you. You know you get to see this woman the next day and the next day, so you have plenty of time and plenty of opportunities to begin a courtship with her. By being non-needy and elusive, you become a challenge to a woman. There must be something unique about you that you are NOT fawning over her and showering her with attention like other men in her life. Maybe other women have your attention and she isn't trying hard enough. You entice her to chase after you, and if she's interested in you, she WILL be enticed. You are now the prize that must be seized.
Non-needy. If you call or approach a woman for conversation and she gives you obvious disinterest or she tells you she's "busy" or "not interested" or "not comfortable", you will immediately end the interaction and NEVER engage her in casual conversation again. You will not lower your value by becoming defensive and asking questions like "Why" or "I'm just trying to be friendly". Unless it's something work-related, leave her alone. You don't need her, therefore, you will no longer call or approach her for conversations. You will still treat her with professional courtesy, and at least greet her by saying "Hi" or "Good morning" when you pass by, but no conversations.
When it comes to interacting with female co-workers specifically, the most important behaviors you'll want to exhibit is being Cool, Calm, and most of all, Non-needy. So by being Cool, Calm and Connected, your reputation will proceed you. And you will generate attraction with a greater number of women in the company than the handful who are in your department. Women will know about you and become curious before you even meet. Women who once appeared to be standoffish and shy are now approaching you. And when they get together in their little circles and start talking about cute guys at
work, your name will come up. You will be "eligible" in her eyes. You will be
"convenient" for her. You will be a potential suitor. So take an interest in yourself, your work and the lives of your customers and co-workers, and the women will follow.
HUMOR (COMPLETED)
If I had to choose a fourth quality that is valuable for attracting women in the workplace, I would have to say Humor. But this isn't about stand-up comedy and making punch line jokes. It's more about being witty, which is essentially seeing the amusement in present circumstances, and making a cleverly humorous comment or gesture about it. When women say that they like a man with a sense of humor, it usually means two things. 1) They like a man who can be witty, or even sarcastic at times. And 2) they like a man who doesn't take life too seriously and can create bright moments in the presence of boredom or anxiety. It's not necessary to be highly energetic when being humorous. In fact, it is sexy to be humorous while having a Cool and Calm resolve. Being witty is a basic attribute of flirting. A witty comment or gesture made at the right moment can truly lighten the mood among a group of people, and even spark attraction in one-on-one interactions with women. And because the workplace can be stressful or even mundane and boring, your humor can break the ice and liven up those around you. But your humor should be used in moderation. You are to date women, not entertain them.
DATE WOMEN WHO GIVE YOU STRONG INTEREST
Because this Guide is designed to help you enter into romantic relationships with less risk and less stress, it stands to reason that you should date only those women who express strong interest in you. It's not enough to get a woman to smile or laugh and think that she's attracted to you. Understand that most women at work will be open to your approach as a polite courtesy in order to foster a friendly work environment. In other words, most women at work will give you only casual interest, which includes the occasional smile or laugh, but do NOT assume a woman is attracted to you just because she's merely open and to you in conversation. Any woman who gives you less than strong interest is generally not interested in dating you at the moment. So it doesn't matter how attractive you think she is. She must express similar feelings for you in order to be worth dating. Therefore, always look for strong interest in a woman before you close her for a date.
TARGET ONLY THOSE WOMEN WHO SHOW AN INTEREST IN YOU ON A CONSISTENT BASIS, AND OF THOSE WOMEN, DATE THE ONES WHO SHOW THE STRONGEST INTEREST.
A good illustration of this is to imagine ten women lined up in a row. Five of these women are smiling at you, and are open and receptive to you in conversation. Target these five women for conversation. And of these five women, two of them are giving you particularly strong interest. Date these two women.
In other words, screen for casual interest, then target strong interest. In some cases, a woman will give you strong interest right off the bat.
"The term 'target' should not be viewed as your 'victim.' Your target is your goal, your intention."
ATTRACT WOMEN INDIRECTLY
Don't show too much interest in a woman before she has expressed interest in you. Even if you are attracted to her, you must NOT show this in your words or behavior. This part of being Non-needy. You must talk and communicate body language the same way you would with your sister, or even your mother, at least initially.
You must communicate your interests indirectly, and this is done primarily through your conversations. You want to test the waters to see who is attracted to you and show isn't, all while maintaining a woman's comfort levels. Once you show a woman some attention through conversation, she will generally reveal her interests in you, whether it is
professional, platonic or romantic. CHASE TWO FOXES
Chasing two foxes serves two purposes: 1- shows your target that you are preselected 2- have a backup plan if the first one fails
When it comes to selecting a woman to date, don't put all your eggs in one basket.
Meaning, be open to interacting with two or more women instead of focusing on just one.
WHACK-A-MOLE
You might recall the kids' game "Whack-a-mole", where you use a mallet to "whack" the moles that pop up out of the different holes.
Some women will show interest while others show disinterest, and as time passes the roles will be reversed, where those who appeared interested are now showing disinterest, and those who appeared disinterested are now showing interest, usually in a cycle.
This is why it's important to chase two foxes instead of one. Because you don't know when a woman will have a change of heart about you. Instead of focusing on only one woman and waiting on her, be aware of other women who will "pop up" with interest in you.
if it comes to light that you are dating another woman, it can only increase your value in her eyes because it shows that you're preselected; that other women have an interest in you.
> sometimes a woman will develop attraction for you when you're not specifically targeting her.
Just because she's not interested now, doesn't mean she won't be interested later. In such cases, expect her to seek interaction weeks or months from now.
Chasing two foxes is useful for communicating pre-selection to the women involved. This isn't about being a two-timer or womanizer. Once you find a woman who wants to date you, then you can focus on her exclusively. But until that time comes, keep your options open. Because if there's more than one woman at your workplace, you'll find that sometimes the woman you're not specifically targeting will turn out to have the strongest interest in you. And if you're too wrapped up in one woman who still has not given you the time of day, you could be missing out on a potentially rewarding experience with the woman who is open to dating you. Instead of waiting on that one mole to come up out of the hole, you must be open to others who are making themselves open to you.
By chasing two foxes, you're exemplifying that you're both non-needy and pre-selected. Because by withdrawing your interest in a woman who has not given you any particular strong interest, you compel her to feel attracted to you. She'll begin to wonder "How come he doesn't come around like he used to?" "Is it another woman?"
This also helps you in being non-needy because you don't have to be a try-hard in
winning your current target or worry about losing her; because you already have a backup plan.
PLANTING AND WATERING THE SEED
Women sometimes have mood swings or they experience adverse circumstances that affect her desire to date. But you are to NOT to concern yourself with this. All you need to do is take the initiative and show her some attention. You are to plant the seed. Plant the seed of interest in her.
So plant the seed by showing her some genuine attention, water it by approaching her for a second or third interaction, and even if she shows disinterest and you stop interacting with her, have full confidence that over time, her interest in you will grow.
Just smiling and saying "Hello" as you pass by is watering the seed.
You behaviors is watering the seed. You very presence is watering the seed, so that when the time is right for her, she will bring forth fruits of attraction and desire to date you.
She will REMEMBER your interest, thereby making it easier for her to express interest in you.
Therefore, by exhibiting the behaviors in this chapter, you are communicating to woman the type of man that you are. It is possible to win the affections of several women in your workplace simply by being the things in this chapter. It may not happen on your first encounter, but your personality does have an effect on them, and over time it will grow to the point where when her personal circumstances allow her the opportunity to date, you will be at the top of her list or potential suitors.
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So in summary,
> First you want to exhibit Cool, Calm and Connected behavior, then communicate aspects of Leadership, Pre-Selection and being Non-needy, which will enhance your value in terms of being a romantic interest to women. As illustrated in the peacock example, all of the elements combined causes you to behave in a way that attracts women without "trying" to attract them. By exhibiting these behaviors alone, sometimes a
woman can be so attracted to you as to want to date you withOUT needing lengthy conversations and "building comfort" beforehand.
> Next, attract only those women who are giving you interest on a consistent basis. Test just how interested she is in you by your conversations.
Remember I said that the Foundations chapter is important. If you're interested in workplace dating, but still have some apprehensions, then I encourage you to simply Be the things outlined in this chapter. Don't worry about what to "say" or what to "do". Just be. Over time, you will notice that women will be more receptive to you.
As I mentioned earlier, you don't have to rush doing all of the examples within this chapter. I recommend that you start out applying one or two, and build from there as you are comfortable doing so. But understand clearly that by applying the principles in this chapter alone, opportunities for career advancement and attracting women will simply fall into place for you, with little effort on your part.
I would like to reiterate the importance of the Foundations chapter, so important in fact that I’ll let you in on a secret: It is possible to read ONLY the Foundations chapter and be more successful at workplace dating than the guy who reads all other chapters and
CHAPTER 3: FEMALE BEHAVIOR
Women are generally self-conscious about two things in the workplace, both of which are important to understand why they behave the way they do:
1- SOCIAL CONDITIONING. This is the standard behavior of women in the club, except it's tailored for the workplace environment. At an early age, women were taught things like, "Sit up straight", "Keep your legs closed", "Keep your head up", "Be
assertive" and "Don't show any weakness". Such teachings reflect her behavior at work. And more and more women are getting college degrees to stay competitive and to elevate themselves above the "dumb blonde" stigma. As a result, most women in the workplace assume very conservative values and behaviors so as to respect themselves and to appear confident, strong and competitive in the eyes of others. So the social conditioning is actually stronger in the office than at the club because now she's consciously aware that her appearance, performance and behaviors are being monitored and judged by her superiors, the people who affect her employment and advancement within the organization.
2 SOCIAL REPUTATION. The only image she wants to project at work is that she is a good, responsible worker. She wants to keep her professional life and personal life separate. In other words, she doesn't want people at work to know who she's hooking up with at work. Therefore, you must be discreet in your interactions with her, especially if other co-workers are nearby. Your voice is powerful enough to carry across a quiet room or hallway.
She does NOT want to be perceived as the company whore, or the girl who flirts with other guys at work.
Once your conversations goes beyond work-related topics to more personal or intimate topics, there will generally be a slight awareness of peering eyes and ears. Certain forms of physical escalation you may indulge in when no one's looking, she will NOT do in the presence of other co-workers. Women generally care about keeping their intimate lives private.
Part of maintaining her comfort levels is to exercise discretion. So if you stop by her office, make it a point to chat with a few of the workers there, including male co-workers. When you're finished chatting with them, say something like, "Well, gotta go. I'm making my rounds to say Hi to everyone." Say it fairly loud so nearby co-workers can hear you. The point is to have a reason for being there other than her. This gives them the impression that you are not there to visit any one particular woman, which reduces gossip. You may say the same to her. Although it won't make her feel as special, at the same time she won't feel specifically targeted which may reduce her comfort levels. She will appreciate your discretion. (you should talk to two or more women to create a sense of jealousy in your target).
"if people see him constantly at your desk or in your area, the rumor mill will start. This is very detrimental to a woman in business, especially in a business where men are more prevalent because then she becomes a sexual object instead of a well respected educated intelligent woman. Trust me...this I've experienced. Women who want to be very successful in their positions, who want to advance in their careers based on their merits and accomplishments (not their looks) have to be VERY careful how the behave, and how they allow others to behave around them in the workplace."
WOMEN GO THROUGH MOODS OR EMOTIONAL PHASES
This is why it is important to plant the seeds of attraction mentioned in the Foundations chapter.
What this means is that a woman who initially felt no attraction for a man, can feel attracted at a later time. Watering the seed helps this process.
SOME WOMEN ARE NOT INTERESTED IN DATING THEIR CO-WORKERS WOMEN HAVE PREFERENCES IN MEN
> Just like there are women who you prefer to date, women have preferences in the men they like to date. No matter how 'alpha' you come across, she still may NOT be interested or attracted to you. And if she appears to be flirting with fellow co-worker John and not you, it doesn't mean you should behave like John to win her. She may have her sights set on him alone and isn't interested in other men at the moment. Or John may possess physical characteristics or behaviors that are appealing to her, that are different from yours. Understand, this doesn't mean that John is somehow "better" than you overall. She still may not be interested. The good news is there ARE women who are attracted to you, and I will show you how to find them. There are women who will be attracted to YOU, and not John.
So if a woman is not interested in dating you, it means one of three things: 1) She will NOT date anyone from work. 2) You are NOT her preferred type. 3) She is going through some adverse circumstances that prohibit her from enjoying a date with you.
I mention this so that you don't get too attached to any particular woman, so that in the event she declines your offer for a date, you don't take it personally. Her declining will be because of HER, and not because of you.
You will notice that some women dress conservatively and wear very little makeup, usually indicating that they there ONLY to work, not to attract men or receive any special attention from them.
When it comes to interacting with women, many women will be open to conversation to you as a matter of courtesy, and to foster a friendly work environment. Others will give you strong signals indicating that they view you as a romantic interest. And there may be some women who are secretly attracted to you but will NOT reveal this to you. These women either have professional or personal circumstances that prohibit them from enjoying a relationship with you, or they are concerned about the potential problems that arise from workplace relationships. Whatever her reasons, she will show you only casual interest.
Some women will make their interest known to you before you target them. Others will express interest after you approach them.
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FEMALE MANIPULATORS
Female manipulators are women who use men for entertainment, therapy, or non-work related favors, without giving those men the opportunity to date or have sex with them. 2 types of female manipulators: Friendly Manipulators (most common) and Vindictive Manipulators (least common)
Friendly Manipulators
They use you for entertainment, therapy, or non-work related favors, with NO intentions of dating you. She manipulates you into giving her the things she wants, while giving you little or nothing in return.
She appears open to you in conversation, but she uses you either as "entertainment" value, or as her therapist to vent about her problems, her lovers, or to receive attention and flattery from you. Some will also attempt to get you to do non-work related favors, such as help them with personal errands or chores. These women generally won't file a harassment complaint against you because they enjoy what you do for them. She views you more as a "friend" than a lover.
> She senses that you like her more than a professional or platonic relationship, but instead of clearly telling you she has no intentions of giving you the things you want, she will "lead you on", giving you the impression that she has similar interests in you. She does this so that she can continue using you for her benefit. Understand that a man that is too indirect in expressing his feelings to this type of woman is the root cause for his continued manipulation. Until he "mans up"
I want to add that there is a difference between being a woman's genuine friend, and being in her friend's zone. The basic difference is that genuine friends actually do things
for one another, and willingly make themselves available to each other. It's a reciprocal process, with neither person significantly giving or taking. Nobody's keeping score, because the love within the friendship is beyond such pettiness. A real friend will do MORE for you than you do for them.
I have women in my life who are constantly trying to get me to come over and eat a home-cooked meal and watch TV with them. Or they'll invite me to join them on an outing. They even pay my way sometimes. We don't have sex, but they also don't ask a lot from me. These women are genuine friends.
The point is: If a woman is doing nice things for you while asking little in return, she is a genuine friend and you should value that relationship. You could even turn it into a romantic relationship if she's open to the idea. But if you find yourself doing way more for a woman than she does for you, then you're likely in her friend's zone. And once you're there, realize that she does NOT value you the way genuine friends value each other. She doesn't hate you; she likes you for being her source of entertainment, therapy and favors. She's using you for the things you do for her, and she frequently shows
resistance or complains if you ask her for a favor. In her mind, you are there for HER, not the other way around. And should you go separate ways, she won't miss you personally. She will miss only your servitude to her.
Vindictive Manipulators
She's open to you in conversation, and may even be attracted to you. That lasts as long as things go her way. However if you don't do the thing she wants, or she has a "problem" with you, then she will either coerce you to do what she wants with threats of filing a harassment complaint against you, or she will actually take action against you with the HR department. Put bluntly, her response for anything that doesn't go her way with a male co-worker results in a harassment complaint. Her response to a male co-worker who declines her request for a date? A harassment complaint. Her response to a male co-worker who received a promotion or recognition she felt she deserved? A harassment complaint. Her response to her male supervisor who expresses disapproval with her work performance? A harassment complaint. These women will cry wolf in an effort to
sabotage the reputation and employment of male co-workers.
She insists that you assist her with her work-related tasks, even those that aren't mission critical.
She frequently criticizes you for how you do your job, and frequently tells you how she thinks you should do it.
These women are bullies.
Some of these women will file a harassment complaint in an effort to take a man's job title. Others simply don't like certain men and will cry wolf just to get them fired. Whereas Friendly Manipulators will attempt to manipulate you personally, Vindictive Manipulators will attempt to manipulate the company to take action against you. These
