100 Ways to Keep Your Lover

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By

Al Link and Pala Copeland

Photographs by Al Link, unless otherwise

noted

Cover photo by Bernard McCaffrey

©Al Link and Pala Copeland

4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra

eBooks

2003

All rights reserved

ISBN 0-9732873-0-6

Revised and expanded

Internet interactive

edition with:

• 111 erotic photos and illustrations,

• and 169 hot links.

Table of Contents

Introduction 1 100 Ways to Keep Your Lover 4

Additional Exercises 58

Creating a Temple for Love 58

Psychic Protection 61

Loving Body Discovery 64

PC Pumping 67

G-spot Stimulation 72

Tantra Sacred Loving Step by Step: How to Make Love

For Hours 73

Heart Talk 82

Creating a Relationship Vision 89

Previously Published Articles 93

Last Longer Than She Can Handle:

Simple Techniques for Mastering Ejaculation 93

Freeing The Female Orgasm 111

Sexual Magnetism: Pheromones – The Scent of Sex 119

The Health Benefits Of Sex 126

About Authors Al Link and Pala Copeland 134 eBooks Available From 4 Freedoms Relationship

Tantra 136

eBooks by Al Link & Pala Copeland 136

Introduction

We make everything you need to live the good life—a sensual sexy romantic life—only a simple click away with this proactive and interactive ebook.

It is proactive in that we encourage you to take positive action to put love, passion and romance at the center of your life together. We have distilled the essence of nurturing relationship, keeping monogamy hot, and sustaining passionate romance into 100 sexy activities you can implement immediately. We tell you exactly what to do. All of these ideas and activities are quite simple, but some of them may challenge you to push your envelope, to go beyond your current comfort zone. All that we recommend here are things we actually do in our own relationship to keep it fun, hot and steamy. As you continue your journey together, let your love shine, let your greatness out, dare to be outrageously creative in your sacred loving.

Pick and choose from the ideas and activities presented here as they appeal to you. Over time, you will

probably become comfortable enough and confident enough to play with all of them. You’ll notice as you read that we use “he” and “she”, “him” and “her” interchangeably throughout. Unless we specifically indicate male or female all activities are designed for both partners.

Take your time. There is nowhere to get to. Open your heart and allow yourself to be right here, right now— together. “One plus one makes two. These two are one.” The experience of sexual/spiritual ecstasy is your

birthright as a human being. In lovemaking it is possible for the lovers to merge together as one. “Whose orgasm is it anyway?” For this to happen you must completely surrender to each other and dare to become emotionally transparent. Control is the enemy of ecstasy. Surrender, let go, open yourself wide and let love in.

This document is also interactive. A wonderful advantage of the eBook format is that it is easy to add hot links that put you only one click away from more information about any item mentioned in the text. You don’t have to go looking for something we mention, just click on the link and you will be instantly taken to a web page featuring that item or giving you more

information about that idea.

Some of the links go to web pages on the Internet, but other links make it easy for you to navigate through this document. You can instantly move forward to some other place in the document by clicking on a link. You can also return to your previous spot by simply hitting the back button, the same way you navigate through a web page on the Internet.

We have intentionally kept the main body of text short and precisely to the point. We don’t want you to have to think a lot about what we describe, rather we want you to dive in and do the things we suggest. We encourage you to go out of your mind and get into your body and your heart.

for example: ejaculation mastery for men, freeing the female orgasm, the health benefits of sex, and Tantra step by step.

We have illustrated the text lavishly with color and black and white photographs and a few illustrations. Many of these are beautifully erotic and tastefully explicit. It is our desire that these images will also act to powerfully motivate you to undertake the actions described in the text. In this case a picture is definitely worth a thousand words.

You cannot improve your lovemaking by thinking about it. You must take action. Start your playful experimentation today or tonight. Pick out at least one thing to try and take the next step on your sacred loving journey together.

This eBook is revised and updated continuously with new contents and refreshed links. If you need an updated eBook send an email alerting us to a link that is not working and we will send you a FREE

replacement version electronically by email as soon as it is ready. This offer is valid for one year from the date of your purchase and you can ask for any number of updates during that time.

4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra

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I used to pray, "Lord, give me chastity, but not yet."

St. Augustine, Confessions

Here are 100 sexy ways you can take action to help you keep your lover happy and satisfied—at home! Doing

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ind out what music your lover likes, and play those CDs.

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en ing to each other,

especially if you can't sing.

Listen to a song that turns you on and write the words out so you will remember them. Th without any music sing that song as a surprise gift to your lover. Watch the tears come to her eyes. Here are some links where you can find the words to popular love songs: The Romantic Juke Box, and Romantic Love Lyrics.

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ind out what scents your lover likes, e.g., perfumes and essential oils. Try an essential oil diffuser. Select a custom perfume especially for her.

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heromones can drive you crazy wild with sexual desire. Pheromones are chemicals produced in your body that act as powerful attractants to the opposite sex for mating. The pheromone sexual “scent” is sensed with a special organ (the vasometer) located in the nose, but you can’t really smell them like ordinary scents. Try some sexy products with pheromones such as bath gels and massage lotions. Use a perfume with pheromones added for him or her, or get pheromone concentrate and add it to your favorite perfume.

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ear the sexy clothes your lover likes, for example sexy lingerie, leather, PVC/Vinyl, rubber and latex. Don’t forget lingerie for men! Consider luxurious Turkish cotton bathrobes.

Experiment with: Classic Lingerie

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adies, wear a garter belt and stockings instead of antyhose. Very sexy!

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erve the food and wine your lover likes. Prepare sensual meals together. Fondle and tease each other as you work/play. Prepare your food together in various stages of undress or completely nude, except for your aprons—and

an leave your hat on. Here are some sexy cookbooks

oh yes, you c .

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eed each other food and drink. Eat an entire meal by feeding each other with your fingers. Make a mess.

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ress up for a romantic dinner. Why save your tuxedo just for strangers?

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at dinner and make love by candlelight—use lots of candles.

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elect interesting and unusual locations for lovemaking. Be bold and daring in your experiments. For example, slip into the small public washroom at the art gallery, lock the door and have a hot quickie. Become a member of the mile high club and use the washroom on an airplane. Stop along the road and use a farmer’s field— carry a couple of blankets for just such an occasion.

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ry different lovemaking positions. Boldly

experiment! There are many books, electronic books and videos featuring Tantric and Kama Sutra sex positions.

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ry The Luv Seat or one of many love swings or

Liberator Shapes. These devices make interesting sexual

positions easy and fun. Liberator shapes in particular are excellent regardless of your age, state of health or physical fitness. Swings are more physically challenging.

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reate a temple-of-love space in anticipation of your sacred lovemaking. Make your space beautiful. Keep it simple. Tidy the room. Light lots of candles.

Bring in fresh flowers or green plants. Place objects of beauty or objects with special emotional or spiritual

significance around the room, including erotic sensual art. Cover hard edges, televisions, etc. with elegant cloth obtained inexpensively at the remnant shop. Try silk sheets if you can afford them, or 300-600 count Egyptian cotton or linen sheets for your lovers’ bed.

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reate your own lovemaking rituals & ceremonies. Keep it simple. Here are examples of rituals we use for psychic protection during lovemaking so that we feel safe to completely let go.

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repare yourself for stimulating conversation. Do some homework if necessary to have something interesting to talk about. For example, do a search on Google for any topic you believe might engage your lover, and astonish him with your worldly knowledge.

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ut the phone on the answering machine, turn off the cell phone, lock the door and in all ways shut out the world during your lovemaking. Immerse yourself

completely in your lovers’ time moment by moment. The fewer distractions the better.

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uring your time together as lovers, talk only about things that are fun, romantic, sexy or intellectually

stimulating. It is ok to talk about ideas and disagree, but only if you can avoid taking the disagreement personally, and only if you find such conversation builds your passion and desire for lovemaking. Absolutely avoid talking about problems, issues, work, or other responsibilities that will take you out of the lovemaking and back into the world.

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otice all the little things you do for each other that you regularly take for granted, and let each other know how important they are to you. Give lots of compliments on a daily basis. Show your appreciation and gratitude. When you get a coffee for yourself, offer one to your lover, etc. Compliment you lover in front of others, but avoid criticism.

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ress and undress each other. Take your clothes off while your lover watches. Show your body to your lover. Let him look as long as he likes. If you don’t know how, try watching “dirty dancing” and striptease videos to inspire you. Male and female exotic dance instructional videos are available.

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old a mirror so that your partner can look at her own genitals. Take turns posing nude while your lover draws or photographs your genitals. Digital cameras are

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ell each other what turns you on. If your lover doesn't know he can't give it to you. Spend time showing each other what you like in lovemaking. Take one hour each in sexual touching to discover each other’s favorite turn-ons. Use the “A or B Technique”. One lover touches the other saying; “I am going to touch you in two different ways, A and B. Let me know which you prefer.” In this way you can learn what you both like with little risk of giving or taking offense.

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tilizing all of your senses spend time discovering your lover’s body. Look at him, smell him, taste him, put your ear close and listen to his body, touch him all over. Don’t go on to intercourse. Just explore, and go very, very slowly. There is nowhere to get to. There is no goal of orgasm, simply revel in the pleasure of sensory awakening.

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ease your partner with partial nudity at unexpected times, like when your mother or children are in the other room. Be artful and naughty about it so only your lover sees you. The next time you eat out at a restaurant, don’t wear any underwear. Touch each other’s genitals under the table at times throughout the evening, so you both get wildly turned on, but no one else knows what is happening.

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omen, touch your lover's genitals with sighs of desire from time to time, even when out in public

(discretely). Most men enjoy having their genitals touched at any time and usually find it a major turn-on. Men, nibble on your partner's neck with sighs of desire from time to time, even when out in public, but avoid quick grabs for her

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ive each other a sensual massage. Try short 7-minute full body massages on a daily basis, as well as longer versions (one hour or longer) when time permits Use an exotic massage oil or body butter. If you don’t know how to give a massage, read a book or watch a video to learn.

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ix your own massage oil. Use high quality essential oils in a base of first cold press grape seed (canola) oil. This is Al’s refreshing, and lightly spicy recipe, for the massage oil we supply in our lover’s kits at our Tantra weekends:

• 4 oz. canola oil (or substitute another light vegetable/nut oil)

• 4 drops YlangYlang essential oil • 1-2 drops Black Pepper essential oil (1

in summer, 2 in winter)

• 1-2 drops Clary Sage essential oil (1 in winter, 2 in summer)

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ncorporate acupressure points into your erotic lover’s massage. Learn the sensual erotic points with Michael Reed Gach’s excellent book: Acupressure for

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ead and/or write erotic poetry and stories. Here are lots of links to erotic stories and poems Here are some erotic writing samples that have been submitted and posted on our web site.

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atch erotic, romantic and sex instruction movies and videos. You can buy or rent them.

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f your libido is low, spice it up with aphrodisiacs for him and her.

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ake care of yourself. Watch your weight, pay attention to what you eat and get enough sleep. Exercise regularly for physical and sexual fitness. Consider nutritional supplements for optimal wellness and sexual vigor. Come to your lovemaking rested, not exhausted and frazzled. Do you know how good sex is for your health?

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he single most important sexual fitness exercise is PC squeezing for both men and women. Squeeze your genital muscles as if you were stopping the flow of urine mid-stream. Continue to breath normally and hold the squeeze for thirty seconds to one minute. Then relax your genital muscles. Work up to 100-200 PC squeezes per day. You don’t need to find any new time to do this exercise. Do it while you are driving, standing in line, or watching TV.

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se meditation or some other method to learn how to quiet your thinking. Great lovemaking requires that you be able to shut out mental distractions. Go out of your mind and get into your body! Thinking is one of the surest blocks to sexual ecstasy. When you find yourself in your head thinking during lovemaking, switch to paying attention to sensory information. Notice what you see, hear, smell, taste and feel, but without naming anything—naming will get you thinking again. Simply experience the direct sensory information.

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ake a bath or shower together. Even small tubs are great fun. Make a mess. Use some sexy water toys, body paints, and scented bath products.

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ash each other's bodies. Be kind and gentle and provocative, or raucous and wild, whatever mood you're both into. Wash each other's feet. Use a small dishpan and an erotic soap in the shape of male and female genitals. Rub on an aromatic tantric foot lotion and using

the included foot reflexology chart, find all the wonderful points to apply pressure for pleasure and stress relief.

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uck on your partner's squeaky-clean toes.

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ive each other manicures or pedicures, then polish each other’s nails.

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ave your lover shave your legs or your face. Shave your pubic hair if that turns your lover on.

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ash each other's hair. Try these links if you want to grow more hair or get rid of unwanted hair.

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atch a rainbow. Watch the sun come up or go down, or the moon go across the water. Lie out under the stars. Sleep out under the stars.

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end each other erotic and spiritual post cards or electronic cards without any special occasion. Send one of Al’s photos electronically to your lover. Alternately, just hand your lover the card or hide one where they will surely find it, for example in a pocket or drawer. Short hand

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rite love letters to each other. Save them to

re-read over the years. Keep them in a beautifully decorated box tied with a lovely colored ribbon.

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ay the words "I love you. I need you. I want you." Mean it! Whisper words of adoration in your lover's ears before, during and after lovemaking.

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alk "dirty" in your lover's ears in the heat of passion during your lovemaking. Be sure the mood is intense and passionate enough so this kind of talk is welcome and really is a turn on. At the wrong time, in the wrong mood, this could be a turn off.

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old hands in public. Show affection (kissing, touching and hugging) in front of your children. It always amazes us that people seem to have no trouble arguing in front of children, friends and family, but God-forbid anyone should see them showing signs of affection in public or be overheard making sounds of love. Very strange!

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o on picnics. Make love outside.

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ake foreplay go on and on and on and on and.... Men, be sure she is wet, before you put your golden rod into her fig pocket! Check out Nina Hartley’s Guide to Foreplay video.

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ind your lover’s G-spot! The G-spot is on the inside upper vaginal wall about one inch or so inside the yoni. If you were looking at the yoni and could visualize the numbers of a clock, the clitoris would be at 12:00 and the G-spot would be between 11:00 and 1:00. The G-spot does not usually respond with pleasure until the woman has already had a clitoral orgasm, or has at least become fully aroused and is well lubricated. Many men fail to find the G-spot not because they are looking in the wrong place, but because they are looking at the wrong time. Here are some instructional videos on stimulating the G-spot.

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s a general principle, try to assist your lady to have a clitoral orgasm before there is any vaginal penetration, in other words, help your woman come to orgasm before intercourse—at least some times. Read

“Freeing The Female Orgasm”!

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hen pleasing her sexually, use multiple points of contact. For example your mouth on her clitoris, one hand on a breast and one finger tantalizing her anus.

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hen you find a touch that turns her on, keep doing the same touch, at the same speed, with the same

pressure—exactly the same with no variation at all, until she gives you a sign that she is ready for a change. Many women at the edge of a wonderful orgasm lose it because the man decides to change his stroke just at the wrong time!

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ecome Tantric lovers. Romance each other for hours, with periods of intercourse interspersed on and off over that time. Men, learn to delay ejaculation! Read these articles: “Voluntary Ejaculation” and “Simple

Techniques for Mastering Ejaculation”. Try sometimes

to go to several peaks of excitement without ejaculation, during the same session of lovemaking.

“Many women believe that men are

happier the more frequently they can have intercourse. This is not entirely accurate. What men truly

enjoy is being aroused by their partner and remaining in an aroused state for a long period of

time, while delaying orgasm as long as possible. This is continuing

a them of most of the best erotic literature, which in the story line, the woman is able to arouse a man,

and keep him ata level just below that needed to achieve an orgasm.

Women who have learned how to achieve this for their husbands

generally have very happy husbands and solid long-term relationships.” David Sebringsil

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ry sometimes to end lovemaking while you still have desire. For men this would mean not ejaculating at all!

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adies, when manually or orally stimulating the lingam (a loving Tantric term for his penis—meaning “wand of light”), vary the touch and stroke frequently. Using the same touch over and over for too long can lead to rapid ejaculation. Here are some instructional videos on oral sex.

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uddle after intercourse. Look into each other's eyes. Say words of love and adoration. Thank the God and Goddess for their favors.

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et go of control. Control is the enemy of ecstasy. Cry in front of each other. Share what you are feeling. Risk being emotionally transparent and vulnerable. Surrender completely to your lover, letting go of any need to perform sexually or trying to make orgasm happen. Lovemaking is best when there is no goal, but rather a spontaneous sensual, emotional, energetic, and spiritual awakening.

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ighten up! Laugh during intercourse. Laugh before intercourse. Laugh after intercourse.

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ownload our FREE illustrated Guide to Sex Toys PDF file. This Guide explains how to select and use a wide range of sex toys. It requires the FREE Adobe Acrobat Reader if you don’t already have it.

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adies, try using a yoni egg (yoni is the tantric term for vagina and means “sacred temple”) or other vaginal exerciser to develop your yoni power, awaken to your full sexual potential, heighten vaginal sensitivity and increase the intensity of your orgasms.

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ffer unexpected gifts for him and her. Keep it

simple, but thoughtful. Pick the right thing, not the biggest or most expensive thing.

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emember special occasions. They should be special—but make some special occasions when there is no special occasion!

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ay please and thank you for sexual favors and for many small things each day.

"Whether the pretty woman grants or

withholds her favors, she always

likes to be asked for them." Ovid

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urprise your lover with the unexpected. Be foolish and playful. Try something new. Experiment.

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ear costumes and masks as part of your love play. Oooh, mystery! Make your own masks.

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ie each other up. Men especially love to be tied up. Wear blindfolds. Or play with some of the many exotic BDSM (bondage) toys. Black Label Liberator Shapes including cuffs, tethers and blindfold, are excellent bedroom buddies for light BDSM play. If you are more serious about your BDSM play, visit this German website.

Experimental, Kinky, Playful, Bondage,

and more….

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aint each other's bodies. Use washable/edible body paint or chocolate sauce that you buy or make yourself. Eat each other like a sundae.

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ry something dangerous, outrageous, something you are afraid of, or something forbidden. Use your imagination, experiment.

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hare your fantasies and play sexy games together. Situational fantasies, in which you play a role—

innocent/seducer, student/teacher, doctor/nurse,

stripper/voyeur, master/slave, bad boy or girl, etc.—are generally less threatening to your lover than fantasies about other specific people—for example the neighbor or a celebrity.

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et captured by aliens and go for a ride in a flying saucer.

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ut on little skits (acts) for each other, or with each other, in your private romantic sexual theatre. Experiment.

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onsciousness is sharpened and made more intense when you are doing something for the first or last times. Play a game in which you imagine that you are making love for the first time or the last time.

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en, cut off the handle of an old shovel. Sand, smooth and polish it, then decorate it lavishly and present it as an erotic symbol of your commitment of fidelity to your lover. In your presentation of your sacred lingam, make a vow that you will ask for the icon to be returned if you are ever unfaithful.

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asturbate for each other. Masturbating while your lover watches can be a big turn-on for both of you. Videos.

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rop something that is really important for you to do, and make love instead. Come home from work in the middle of the day just to surprise your partner with some lusty lovemaking.

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all when you are away and say, "I miss you terribly. I can't wait to get home to hold you. I really want you right now."

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alk "sexy-dirty"over the phone to each other. Tell your lover what you will do with him when you can touch him again.

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ook into each other's eyes, if possible until tears follow the opening of your heart in love. Send looks of love with your eyes to each other for one minute each day. Use your eyes only; do not speak.

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ake long, deep, slow breaths and match the rhythm of your breathing during lovemaking while also looking into each other’s eyes. Do this at a peak of sexual arousal to maintain that peak without going over into climax.

Prolonging the orgasmic energy over successive peaks of sexual arousal leads to ecstasy and other delightful altered states of consciousness. Such experiences are quite beyond simple physical pleasure; they are more spiritual.

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ake rapid breaths to heat up your excitement whenever there is a drop in libido.

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ake turns cuddling, rocking and cooing to each other as if you were babies.

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alk where one only listens. The one who listens does not try to take any responsibility, does not try to intervene or "fix" anything. Just listen. Don’t respond for 24 hours! This is harder to do than it sounds, but well worth the effort. Here are instructions for our “Heart Talk” exercise.

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ive each other a 10-second kiss when coming and going.

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ake out like high school kids, without going on to intercourse. Pay attention to how this makes you feel later in the day. Pay attention to how this affects your libido.

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ractice Tantric Sacred Sex muscle mastery, breathing and visualization together. If you don't know how, take a workshop together, read a book or watch a video. Our book, Soul Sex: Tantra for Two is an excellent

book to start with. You can download a FREE illustrated PDF file with excerpts from all chapters to see if it is a book you would like to use for your Tantric practice. Pala also has a CD available. Apertio: Tantra Energy

Meditations contains five meditations for learning to work

with your sexual energy. Pala talks you through the

exercises accompanied by the sensual music of Jeff Davies. One of the meditations is the sexual fire breath illustrated here.

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ive each other flowers regularly, not just on special occasions. Men love to receive flowers too! Have fresh flowers around as often as

possible. Make flower arrangements together,

fresh or dried. Have lots of green healthy plants in the house. Grow a garden together.

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ake wine together.

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pend time remembering wondrous past

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ake plans for the future. Talk about spending the rest of your life together.

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ind a photograph that symbolizes what it will be like when you grow old together. Frame it and display it on a wall in your home, preferably in your bedroom.

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rite out your vision for the kind of relationship you want to create together.

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isplay your relationship vision/dream where you will see it often, and possibly where others may see it.

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all each other by endearing mushy pet names. In conversation always use loving poetic names when referring to your genitals, e.g., jade stalk, lingam, wand of light, mystery cave, yoni, succulent flower, etc.

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ake turns serving each other breakfast in bed on different mornings.

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leep together NAKED! Curl around each other like spoons. Roll over together to change positions in the night. If you don’t already sleep this way it only takes a few nights to get to really prefer it to sleeping without touching. So many of us are touch deprived. Our skin needs the sensual nutrition of human touch.

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n the morning when you wake up lying naked together, the woman welcomes the man between her legs. If he is not aroused, he will use the soft entry by wetting his lingam with saliva (or any suitable water or silicone based

an energetic connection rather than a sexual one, and would not usually lead on to active intercourse or climax. It is a splendid way to start each day, marvelously balancing your masculine and feminine energies.

Additional Exercises

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Excerpted from Soul Sex: Tantra for Twoi, pp.201-203

When celebrating sacred sex it helps if you create the proper atmosphere. Set up part of your home, bedroom, living room, or den, as a “Temple for Love”. • Begin by giving each other a warm embrace then proceed in silence to arrange the space you have chosen.

• Make sure it is tidy—vacuumed, dusted and general clutter removed. Do not spend more than five minutes cleaning up. If it is messy, straighten up beforehand. This is your time for loving not housework.

• Soften hard surfaces with beautiful fabric. If there is a TV in the room, hide it under sensual cloth. Better yet, if the TV is in your bedroom take it out,

permanently. TV is one of the biggest distractions from each other.

• Bring in plants or flowers and other beautiful objects that have special meaning for you: pictures, sculptures, and craft pieces. Arrange them artfully around your space.

• Include plenty of pillows for supporting your bodies in delightful sexual positions.

• Ensure that the room is warm enough for comfortable nakedness.

• Pay special attention to the lighting. Drape colored cloth over lamps or use candles, red light bulbs, dimmer switches and if you have it, firelight. Watching flames of a fire can bring on alpha and theta brain states. Alpha brain waves are associated with relaxation,

visualization and creativity. Theta brain waves evoke deep trance states, sexual ecstasy, shamanic visions, out of body experiences and other profoundly altered states of consciousness.

• Aromatize your temple with incense, essential oils, scented candles or fresh flowers. Use scents that you both like.

• Set out an assortment of music to accompany your moods of love.

• Arrange close to hand any oils, lubricants and sex toys you may want to use.

• Bring in drinks and light snacks.

• When you have finished, take a few moments to admire the transformation you have wrought.

Arranging your temple should take twenty minutes or less—you have thought about and gathered most items earlier. Move deliberately, and gracefully, with your intention always in mind—to create a beautiful space for sacred loving. Each time you set up a loving temple, make it somewhat different. You want it to be freshly appealing, not a familiar habitat that you no longer really see.

Each time we create a sacred space Al revels in a sensual experience of pleasure through sight, smell, touch and sound. As the room is beautifully

transformed, it is as if he were in a completely different place. He senses a newness that is erotic, arousing and mysterious.

For Pala creating a temple of love helps her move out of any habitual lovemaking mode. She becomes consciously aware of acting differently. It stimulates and humbles her to set up a temple for honoring her higher self, her beloved and the Creator.

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Excerpted from Soul Sex: Tantra for Two, pp.203-205

When you have finished arranging your temple to your satisfaction you can further sanctify it through an assortment of rituals. In Tantric lovemaking, you desire to go beyond your limits, to break down any walls that may separate you emotionally or energetically from your lover and from the divine. Trust and vulnerability are essential. Psychic protection rituals reach past your rational mind to your inner core evoking safety so that you can truly let go into love.

Pala finds that purifying rituals instill a deep sense of relaxation and security throughout her entire being. Because she feels confident and protected, she is able to unreservedly open to Al in all ways.

Al’s use of psychic protection rituals is based on the premise that negative energies or entities cannot come into you or your space without your permission and that they have to leave when you tell them to if they are already there. Positive energies and beings will respond to your invitation to enter.

• You may burn sweet grass, cedar or incense, passing it over and around the space and saying words like “I purify and sanctify this space. I make it holy and safe through my love and my intention.”

• You may walk three times counter-clockwise round the perimeter of your temple, saying as you walk slowly and reverently “I send out from this space all negative energies—fear, doubt, anger, complacency…” Include

anything you do not want in your space or yourself. Then reverse your path and walk three times clockwise around the perimeter, saying as you walk “I welcome into our special place all positive energies—joy, wisdom, passion, love, wonder…” Include everything you want to be present. Counter-clockwise direction disperses energy and clockwise builds it. Speaking aloud—naming—gives more weight to your words than shyly, silently thinking them.

• You may ring a bell, bang a drum, or strike a gong as you walk. One of our favorite instruments is an exquisite Tibetan singing bowl of hammered brass. • You may envision a golden ball of light surrounding your space, a permeable force field that allows in all that is good and repels any evil.

• You may put on a special robe or other costume for your ritual. Let your imagination guide you.

• You may light candles in each of the four corners of the room, calling upon the power of the four directions: East, South, West and North. Different sources equate different qualities to the four directions, these are the meanings we useii:

o “East is Air—the majesty of mind, the purity of thought. As I light this candle in the East I unlock my mind to conscious knowing.”

o “South is Fire—the power of spirit and energy. As I light this candle in the South I open myself to creative energy flow.”

o “North is Earth—the wonder of the body. As I light this candle in the North I invite the mystery of the world.”

Endeavor to relax and enjoy yourself. These are joyous, celebratory and holy rites. A magical transformation will take place, brought about by your intention, your sacred focus on creating a space of beauty, safety and honor in which to celebrate your love of yourself, each other and God.

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Excerpted from Soul Sex: Tantra for Two, pp.114-117

Take a loving visual, tactile tour of your mate’s body. Create a sensual ambience for your body discovery. Make sure the room is warm. Lighting should be bright enough to see clearly but soft and caressing to your skin, for example candles or a red light bulb. Play music that relaxes you and makes you feel sensual.

Begin by asking your lover’s permission: “My beloved (or your name for your lover), I come to you with love, desire and the utmost respect. May I please explore your wonderful body?” Your lover responds: “Yes, I welcome you with love and trust.” You can make up your own words to show respect, love, trust and care. Sometimes, the receiving partner may be shy or uncomfortable having a particular body segment

thoroughly explored. If this is the case, it is important to be open and honest. Tell each other how you feel, and respect your limitations.

Begin from a distance with a slow, soft caressing look from head to toe and back again. As you are looking, tell your lover what pleases you about her. Remember most of us are not accustomed to being gazed at all over, especially with love and adoration and desire. Your partner may be feeling uncomfortable – ask her to breathe deeply, to relax any tension in her body and to try to feel the vital energy coming from your eyes into her body.

her palm, stroking it lightly then gently sucking each finger. Work your way up her arms, feathering lightly with your fingers, repeating the path with a sniffing, tickling nose, repeat again with pouty nibbling lips and darting, slippery tongue. As you explore keep letting your lover know how much you are enjoying your tour—tell her with words, sounds, facial gestures. Look into each other’s eyes frequently and feel the

connection between the two of you deepening.

From arms move up to her head, neck, ears, then eyes, face, mouth, chin, and back down to her neck. Take your time. Feel her skin beneath your hands, smell the unique scent of each part of her, listen to her breath and to any sounds she may make in response to your touch. Switch from her head to her feet. Play with them as you did with her hands. Then proceed up her legs. Take your time. Be playful. Focus all your attention on your lover and allow your heart to open.

When you reach the tops of her legs, roll her on to her stomach and explore her back with your hands, then your nose, then your mouth, and combinations of all three, from the base of her neck all the way down to her feet.

Once again, roll her on to her back and starting at the hollow of her neck work your way down her torso in waves using your hands, nose and mouth. Pause at breasts and belly or other spots on her torso that give both of you pleasure. Finally, turn your attention to her love grotto. This is the seat of creation, the wellspring of life. Explore her gently with nose, mouth and fingers. Your purpose is to heighten awareness for both of you, not to turn her on (although this may happen). Do not use habitual

touches that you know will bring her to orgasm. If either, or both, of you become sexually excited, relax and be with the excitement. This is an opportunity to feel the body electric—to raise and keep the energy high without going over the edge to release. You may be surprised to find that the loving body discovery can also be more relaxing and affectionate than sexually stimulating. Whatever happens is right. Finish with a complete hug—head to toe for two

minutes. Feel your hearts beating. Match your breathing rhythm. In love and respect, thank each other, and then switch partners.

Remember, the Loving Body Discovery is not a massage, nor is it done with the intention of arousing your lover sexually, nor is it leading up to intercourse or an orgasmic climax. Separate the Loving Body Discovery from these other ways of being intimate so you can experience being in the moment without trying to get somewhere in your lovemaking. You can

discover the joy of touching each and every part of your lover’s body, and learn that every touch is potentially as satisfying and wonderful as any other. This is also an excellent exercise in which to move beyond the anxiety of responsibility to “perform” sexually, to make it happen for your partner.

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Excerpted from Soul Sex: Tantra for Two, 147-149

Without a doubt, the most important sexual energy exercise you can do is the PC Pump. It is standard in both the ancient Tantric and Taoist teachings of sacred sex. PC stands for pubococcygeous and refers to a group of muscles surrounding your genitals and anus. You may already know these exercises as Kegels, named for the American doctor who, during the 1950s, began prescribing PC squeezing to help prevent surgery in women with Urinary Stress Incontinence.

PC Pumping, or tightening and relaxing the muscles of your pelvic floor, does the following wonderful things. It:

1. Acts as a lock to keep your sexual energy in and a pump to push it up through your body.

2. Strengthens and tones the muscles in your uro-genital area.

3. Prevents prolapsed uterus and incontinence in women.

4. Increases erection capacity for men.

5. Sensitizes and focuses women genitally, so their orgasms become stronger and more frequent. 6. Massages a man’s prostate gland, helping it to stay

PC Pumps are very easy to do, simply pretend you have to urinate, but you are somewhere you cannot. You tighten up and hold it. You can actually begin your practice of PC Pumps by interrupting the flow while you are urinating. In addition to pulling your pelvic floor muscles up, PC Pumping includes lightly pushing them out. When you first start these exercises, you may find that your shoulders, your stomach, your buttocks, even your jaw, clench as well. However, within a short while you will be able to isolate and contract the many different muscles in your genitals while keeping the rest of your body relaxed. Try these variations:

Squeeze and Hold:

• As you slowly inhale, contract your PC muscles. • Keep the rest of your body relaxed, especially your

shoulders.

• Hold your contraction as you hold your breath for a count of ten.

• Slowly exhale and relax your muscles. • Repeat ten times.

Squeeze and Push:

• As you slowly inhale, contract your PC muscles. • Keep the rest of your body relaxed, especially your

shoulders.

• Hold your contraction as you hold your breath for a count of five.

• As you exhale for a count of five gently push out with your muscles.

• Repeat ten times.

Fluttering:

• Keep the rest of your body relaxed, especially your shoulders.

• Hold your breath - quickly relax and contract your PC muscles five times.

• Slowly exhale and relax. • Repeat ten times.

Back to Front:

This version helps you gain more control over individual muscles.

Women’s Version

• As you slowly inhale: o Tighten your anus.

o Pull up on your perineum.

o Tighten the muscles inside your vaginal canal, one by one from the opening. all the way back to your cervix.

• As you slowly exhale:

o Release your vaginal muscles, one by one, from your cervix to your opening.

o Relax your perineum. o Relax your anus. • Repeat ten times.

Men’s Version

• As you slowly inhale: o Tighten your anus.

o Pull up on your perineum.

o Pull your scrotum up close to your body. o Elevate your penis.

o Relax your perineum. o Relax your anus. • Repeat ten times.

Remember to PC pump everyday! You do not have to make extra time. PC squeezes can be done anywhere, as you are: showering, driving, walking, waiting in line, working on your computer, and watching TV. The possibilities are endless, and no one can tell what you are doing, unless you have a smile on your face because it feels so good. Begin with ten sets of the five exercises listed above, then over a few weeks work up to several hundred repetitions per day. You will soon notice a difference in sensitivity, capacity and energy movement.

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Stimulate your lover’s G-Spot with gentle “come hither” motions of your fingers.

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Tantra is a spiritual tradition that originated in India some 4,000 years ago. It is a way of life that celebrates and strives for the union of body, mind and spirit. Tantra is a form of yoga. Yoga means union. The ultimate purpose of Tantra is a union of lovers, and union with the divine, with God. In the Tantric tradition, sexuality and spirituality are joined. Lovers actually invite God right into their bed!

Many cultures have a variation of this challenging and delightful practice, for example, the Taoists in China and the Cheyenne in North America. There are differences in these practices, but all forms of sacred sexuality have in common the intentional cultivation and use of sexual energy for spiritual growth, healing, creativity and enhanced pleasure.

The concepts of Tantra were first introduced to the west in the 1800s by British scholars and travelers to India. A Tantric revival by gurus and teachers in the ashrams of India during the late 1960s has led to a gradual popularization of these practices in Europe and North America. Recent testimonials by celebrity musicians and movie stars like Sting, Woody Harrelson and Tom Hanks, and mentions in movies such as "Go" and "Bliss" have promoted it almost to fad level.

Now Tantra is becoming the sexual learning of choice for North Americans who want to have it all: a

passionate sex life, a healthy body, and spiritual growth.

Tantric lovemaking involves breathing exercises, muscle contraction exercises, sound, visualization, affirmations, creating a sacred loving space and other rituals, meditation, sensual massage, and sexual play. In order to create enough sexual energy to move into ecstatic states of divine connection Tantrikas make love for long periods of time, experiencing extraordinary levels of pleasure along the way. Part of the delight of Tantric loving is that you can continue to learn and advance throughout years of practice; it is never-ending in its potential for growth. At the same time, it is a practice that yields immediate results. You can see and feel a difference in your lovemaking experience right away if you follow these steps.

Tantric Lovemaking Step by Step:

Intention

Regular lovemaking has a goal - orgasm. If you both come at the same time you've done it really, really well. If neither of you come at all you may as well have spent your time elsewhere. With Tantric loving, there is no goal. There is a purpose however, and that purpose is union. Every aspect of your Tantric loving serves that purpose. Your intention is to merge with your lover in all aspects - body, mind, heart and soul - not just body. You can help this along by looking at your lover

the beauty and the wonder in your playmate and in yourself and let that shine.

Creating a Sacred Space

Take time to set the mood. You can transform an ordinary space - a bedroom or living room - into a sacred space. To do this, takes only a few minutes and costs little or nothing. The important thing is your intention, not the specific items you use. First, clean the room. Vacuum, dust, and put away the clutter and junk that might be lying about. If it is evening, dim the lights and use candles. Position candles all around the room. Bring in some plants or fresh cut flowers. A bowl of fruit is very sensual. You may wish to have a bottle of wine to share. Bring special objects into the room. Any objects that have emotional importance for you will work very well. Create your lover's bed. Make up the bed with clean linens and have lots of pillows handy. When you have finished creating the space, take a few moments to purify it energetically. That means

consciously sending away negative or fearful thoughts and feelings, and inviting in those that are joyous, passionate and safe. Create your own rituals with sweet grass, incense, and musical instruments.

The Lover's Purifying Bath

Cleanse each other in preparation for your joyous union. Wash away the dirt and cares of the world. A hot bath with essential oils and bath salts is perfect,

especially if you can both fit into the tub at the same time. A shower is the next best thing, but perfectly acceptable. The essential thing is to be squeaky clean.

After all you will be eating off that skin! Make the bath a slow, luxurious affair with each of you giving

complete attention to your lover. Wash and dry each other with playful abandon. Men shave or trim facial hair and apply scent. Women apply their best perfumes and lotions. Sensually prepare your bodies for the delights ahead.

Honor, Respect and Permission

Trust, surrender and opening your heart are essential if you want to reach the heights of bliss. It is not just technique that will get you there. You must join together as loving equals on the sexual journey. Men, think of the vagina as a potential opening rather than as always being open. Do not ever take your lady for granted! Tell her how much you care for her and respect her. Tell her how much you love her. Speak words of adoration into her ears as you gently blow on them and nibble on her ear lobes. Let her know that you think of her constantly and how strong your desire is to make love with (not to) her. Also, let her know that you invite her to awaken sexually and to express her

sexuality fully. Let her know that you are NOT caught in that tired old cultural conditioning that still insists "good girls" do not enjoy sex - the Madonna/Whore split.

Make her believe you when you tell her that you know she can be all she wants to be: a successful career woman, a respectful daughter, a faithful wife, a caring mother, a passionate lover and a sincere spiritual seeker

passionately love her in your practice of Tantra sacred sex.

Ladies, let your man know that he is safe! He may act all macho and tough, showing little emotion, but you know that inside most men are afraid of emotional intimacy. The tougher a man acts the greater this fear of letting go, surrender and trust will likely be. Let him know that you recognize his strength, but also invite him to show his feelings. Let him know how much it turns you on when he shows some vulnerability mixed with his many strengths. Tell him how handsome he is and how talented. Mention all the things you like most about him. Tell him why you love him so strongly. Tell him how much you think about him when he is away, and how you have fantasies about making love to him and touching him when he returns. Make him believe that you really want him sexually. Finally, ask his permission to passionately love him in your practice of Tantra sacred sex.

Foreplay

After you have asked and received permission to love each other up, tune into each other. Two simple ways to do this are through harmonizing your breathing and by looking deep into each other's eyes. By matching your breathing rhythms and making soulful eye contact you connect energetically as well as physically. Begin to explore each other's bodies with wonder, lust and playfulness.

Remember, in Tantra sacred loving there is no goal. You are not trying to get somewhere. Each act of loving is complete in and of itself. Once you master how to work with your sexual energy both men and women

will discover that they can have orgasms just by touching fingers together. Indeed, you can have

orgasms just by looking into each other's eyes! So men are not in a hurry to get at the woman's breasts or into her vagina. When touching her body, start at the

extremities and work in toward the breasts and genitals. Start with the fingers and toes and work in. Go slowly! Generally men enjoy having their genitals touched at any time, but women usually only enjoy having their breasts and genitals touched after they are already sexually excited from other touching, stimulating conversation, or emotional connection. Make sure the woman is well lubricated before any attempt at intercourse. If possible, help her to have a clitoral orgasm before moving on to intercourse.

Intercourse

The usual 5 to 15 minutes of lovemaking is typically not satisfying for most women. Men need to learn to delay ejaculation so that active lovemaking can be extended for hours. Men can learn to delay ejaculation not just during one lovemaking session, but for weeks or months at a time. Any man who masters this will eventually have the happy experience of orgasm without ejaculation. Orgasm without ejaculation will not deplete the man's energy the same way that a regular ejaculatory orgasm does. This means that a man can have more than one orgasm; indeed, he can become a multi-orgasmic-man. When the man is able to last longer, it is much more likely that his female partner will also have multiple orgasms.

entire time. Intercourse is interspersed with touching, oral play, quietly holding each other. It is a good idea for a man to allow his erection to subside every 30 minutes to exchange the blood supply and recharge his hormone levels.

Moving Your Energy: The Passion Pump

Riding the wave of bliss happens when the lovers become totally aroused sexually, and maintain that arousal for a period of time. They build up enormous sexual/spiritual energy. For the man, if this energy has nowhere else to go, there will be such a buildup of pressure in the prostate, that it will go into involuntary spasm and ejaculation will end the lovemaking. However, with a combination of breathing, relaxation, and muscle contraction exercises both men and women can learn to circulate sexual energy through their own and their lover's body. Ultimately the ego boundaries disappear and the lovers become one in ecstatic union. The muscle contraction exercise is very simple. If you were urinating and stopped the flow of urine in mid-stream you would be contracting exactly the right muscles in exactly the right way. So imagine that you wanted to alternately start and stop the flow of urine. This squeezing and relaxing of muscles around your genitals is called the PC Pump. It's the first and most important exercise in learning to circulate your sexual energy.

At the peak of sexual arousal, either during intercourse or manual/oral stimulation stop your normal

lovemaking movements and focus on moving the sexual energy that's pulsing in your genitals. Move it up and through your body. Use slow, deep abdominal

breathing to keep your body relaxed. Add the PC pumping action and visualize moving energy up your body in a ball of fire or a wave of light or a current of electricity. Through your eyes, your hands, your genitals pass this powerful force on to your lover. At first, this may seem difficult because we are not accustomed to paying attention to our internal energy. With practice, you will be able to recognize and direct it.

Afterplay

Regular lovemaking usually ends when the man ejaculates, but when men have learned to postpone ejaculation stopping lovemaking then becomes a matter of choice. With Tantric loving you wind down your loving time with slow caresses, words of endearment and honoring each other with food and drink.

Sharing Wine, Food and Other Sensual Pleasures

The sharing of good food, wine and other intoxicants, sensual massage, dressing up in costumes and playing sexual games are part of the ancient Tantric tradition. While Tantra is serious, it need not be heavy. Lighten up; be playful, lusty and daring!

Tantra lovers know that they are personally responsible for their own sexual fulfillment and their own spiritual progress. This may be especially important for men. Many men experience a great deal of performance anxiety. But even the greatest, most sensitive, highly

with control. It requires trust, surrender and letting go. Both lovers must learn to do this. If there is some psychological work to do before you will allow yourself to open in this way, then get on with it! In the

meantime, please each other with the preparation, serving and consumption of fine food and drink. Lavish each other with touching in sensual massage. Dress up (and down!) for each other. Take on different

personalities with different costumes. Wear masks! Play and laugh together often. Celebrate your spirit through your sexuality. Open your heart. Let your lover in and your love out!

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Excerpted from Soul Sex: Tantra for Two, 97-100

We believe that ecstasy in lovemaking is your birthright and that it should be a common experience for lovers, but it is rare. One of the reasons it is rare is that relationship “stuff” gets in the way. People have so much stuff accumulated that they do not allow themselves to become vulnerable to their lover. You become angry, upset and frustrated with each other and withdraw, barricading your hearts inside your

emotional armor for protection and security, blocking your energetic flow and the spontaneous experience of ecstasy. The Heart Talk is a way to dismantle the barricades that keep your hearts closed, a way to take off your emotional armor. That is why we call it a Heart Talk—it helps you open your heart. It is superb for any issue with a heavy emotional load attached to it—one that brings up strong feelings you may have difficulty coping with.

The Heart Talk is remarkably effective and incredibly powerful, but only if you honor the process. This is one place where you must follow the instructions exactly if you want it to work. Do not vary the process at all. If your lover asks for a Heart Talk do not agree unless you commit to honoring its structure.

A Heart Talk is not a two-way conversation. One person talks. The other listens. You listen with patience and respect. You listen without judgment. You listen