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Craft Moves

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(1)

Craft Moves

AP Lang & Comp

(2)

Flat…

It was winter. Everything was frozen and white with snow. Snow had

fallen from the sky for days. The

weather was horrible.

(3)

Heart and Soul

Mossflower lay deep in the grip of midwinter beneath a sky of leaden gray that showed tinges of scarlet and orange on the horizon. A cold mantle of snow

draped the landscape, covering the flatlands to the west. Snow was

everywhere, filling the ditches, drifting

high against the hedgerows, making paths invisible, smoothing the contours of earth in its white embrace (5).

(4)

Telling

The amateur writes:

Bill was nervous.

(5)

Showing—the Pro writes

"Bill sat in a dentist's waiting room, peeling the skin at the edge of his thumb, until the raw, red flesh

began to show. Biting the torn cuticle, he ripped it away, and

sucked at the warm sweetness of

his own blood" (4).

(6)

Amateur

Mary was tired.

A sentence like this one is a

mental dead end for a reader.

(7)

Pro

"Mary shuffled into the kitchen,

yawning and blinking. Collapsing

into a chair, she closed her eyes,

crossed her arms for a pillow, and

slowly tucked her head onto the

fold."

(8)

Try it yourself…

1. Lauren got caught stealing.

2. The weird, old man is reaching for something.

3. The snake attacked its prey.

4. John was snobbishly happy that he scored the highest on the test.

5. Rachel was sad.

(9)

5 Craft Moves

The participle

The absolute

The appositive

Adjectives out of order

Active verbs

(10)

The Participle

Think of participles as –ing verbs at the beginning or the end of a

sentence.

(11)

An example

"The diamond-scaled snakes attacked their prey.”

"Hissing, slithering, and coiling, the diamond-scaled snakes attacked their prey.“

"Hissing their forked red

tongues and coiling their cold

bodies, the diamond-scaled snakes

attacked their prey."

(12)

Another example

Shifting the weight of the line to his left shoulder and kneeling

carefully, he washed his hand in the ocean and held it there,

submerged, for more than a

minute, watching the blood trail away and the steady movement of the water against his hand as the boat moved. (from

Hemingway's Old Man and the Sea)

(13)

Practice—Describe with participles and participial phrases.

(14)

The Absolute

a two-word combination—a noun

and an ing or ed verb added onto a

sentence

(15)

For example…

Instead of saying "The cat climbed the tree,"

You could say:

"Claws digging, feet kicking, the

cat climbed the tree."

(16)

Now close your eyes…

"The mountain climber edged along the cliff.“

Picture the scene…

"The mountain climber edged along the cliff, hands shaking, feet

trembling."

(17)

Absolute phrases

"Feet trembling on the snow-

covered rocks, the mountain

climber edged along the cliff."

(18)

From The Mummy by Anne Rice:

The mummy was moving. The mummy's right arm was outstreched, the torn

wrappings hanging from it, as the being stepped out of its gilded box! The scream froze in her throat. The thing was coming towards her—towards Henry, who stood with his back to it—moving with a weak, shuffling gait, that arm

outstretched before it, the dust rising from the rotting linen that

covered it, a great smell of dust and decay filling the room (72).

(19)

Practice

Choose one of the following sentences and improve it by incorporating absolutes

and/or absolute phrases.

1. The diver peered once more at the specimen.

2. I glanced at my clock.

3. The kitten yawned tiredly, awaking from her nap.

4. The red rose sat in a large, white container.

(20)

The Appositive

An appositive is a noun that adds a

second image to a preceding noun.

(21)

An example:

The raccoon enjoys eating turtle eggs.

We can add an appositive to enhance the first image:

The raccoon, a scavenger, enjoys

eating turtle eggs.

(22)

Appositive phrase

The raccoon, a midnight

scavenger who roams lake

shorelines in search of food,

enjoys eating turtle eggs.

(23)

Another example

Instead of writing:

"A phalanx of ships and planes bore

down on Hitler's Europe,"

(24)

Appositive phrases

Cornelius Ryan utilizes appositives in June 6, 1944:

The Longest Day:

Plowing through the choppy gray waters, a

phalanx of ships bore down on Hitler's Europe:

fast new transports, slow rust-scarred freighters, small ocean liners, channel

steamers, hospital ships, weather beaten

tankers, and swarms of fussing tugs. Barrage balloons flew above the ships. Squadrons of

fighter planes weaved below the clouds. And surrounding this cavalcade of ships packed with men, guns, tanks, and motor vehicles, and

supplies came a formidable array of 702 warships (243).

(25)

Practice—Appositives

Choose one of the following sentences and improve upon it with appositive(s).

1. The volcano spewed forth lava and ash across the mountain.

2. The old Navajo woman stared blankly.

3. The waterfall poured the fresh, pure spray into the creek.

4. The fish felt the alligator's giant teeth sink into his scales as he struggled to get away.

5. Michael Jordan scored 53 points in the game.

(26)

Adjectives out of order

Amplifies details of the image

DO NOT overload sentences with too many adjectives

Avoid strings of adjectives by

shifting them out of order.

(27)

Strings of Adjectives:

Avoid sentences such as:

The large, red-eyed, angry bull moose

charged the intruder.

(28)

Adjectives out of order

Leaving one adjective in its original place, shift two others after the

noun to avoid the adjective string.

The result:

The large bull moose, red-eyed and

angry, charged the intruder.

(29)

An example

Sir Author Conan Doyle in The Hound of the Baskervilles creates mystery with:

"And then, suddenly, in the very dead of the night, there came a sound to my ears, clear, resonant, and

unmistakable"

(30)

The weaker version

With the adjectives in the

conventional order, the sentence sounds childish:

"And then, suddenly, in the very dead of the night, there came a

clear, resonant, unmistakable sound

to my ears."

(31)

Additional examples

"The Pavilion was a simple city, long and rectangular" (27) from Caleb Carr's The Alienist.

"I could smell Mama, crisp and

starched, plumping my pillow, and the cool muslin pillowcase touched both my ears as the back of my head sank into all those feathers" (112) from Robert Newton

(32)

Practice

Choose one of the following sentences and improve it by adding adjectives out of order.

1.The woman smiled with pride upon her newborn great-grandson.

2.The boxer felt no compassion for his contender.

3.The cheetah stared at the gazelle that would soon be his dinner.

(33)

Active Verbs

Eliminate passive voice and reduce being verbs.

The image is like a still photograph

with the subject of the action frozen

with the prepositions by or with.

(34)

Examples of passive voice

The runaway horse was ridden into town by an old, white-whiskered

rancher.

The grocery store was robbed by

two armed men.

(35)

Active voice

The old, white-whiskered ranger rode the runaway horse into town.

Two armed men robbed the grocery

store.

(36)

Being Verbs

being verbs slow the action and tend to link complements that tell rather than show.

improve the power of your

sentences by replacing as many

being verbs as possible, often by

creating an appositive.

(37)

For example

"The Nerk Knocker is a strange

mechanical contraption. It brews

coffee while beating a drum solo.“

(38)

An improved sentence

Both sentences could be combined into a single, more powerful

statement such as:

"The Nerk Knocker, a strange

mechanical contraption, brews

coffee while beating a drum solo."

(39)

Action Verbs

Being Verb: The gravel road was on the left side of the barn.

Action Verb: The gravel road

curled around the left side of the

barn.

(40)

Examples from Goose Moon by Shawn and Jerry

First Draft

Rockwell was a beautiful lake. Canada geese could be heard across the water bugling like tuneless trumpets. Near the shore, two children were hidden behind a massive maple tree. Watching quietly,

they hoped to see the first gosling begin to hatch. Tiny giggles escaped their

whispers of excitement.

(41)

Active Verbs

Final Draft

Rockwell Lake echoed with the sounds of Canada geese. Their honking bugled

across the water like tuneless trumpets.

Two children hid behind a massive maple tree. They silently watched, hoping to see the first gosling hatch. Tiny giggles

escaped their whispers of excitement (1).

(42)

Practice

Choose one of the following sentences and revise the passive verb to an active verb.

1.Rainsford was successful in foiling Zaroff's plans.

2.The football team was beaten by last year's championship team.

3.Near the school, young children were playing in the trees.

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