ALL ABOUT
GROWING UP
INTRODUCTION
Sexuality is not just about the act of sex but about the
values, beliefs, experiences and ideas a person has.
Puberty is part of sexuality. It is the process of social,
emotional and physical changes as we grow from a
child to an adult. It can be a difficult subject to discuss,
however sexuality is a part of us all regardless of age,
illness or disability and we have the right to express it,
as long as we do not harm others in doing so.
This workbook has been designed for young people
living with mild to moderate intellectual disabilities.
It is for them to work through with a parent, teacher
or caregiver. It deals with pubertal change and public
and private behaviour and uses a combination of
information, pictures and activities. The inserted
information section will help you progress through
the workbook with the young person by providing
extra information and recommended additional
resources.
Ana and Peter are growing up and going through puberty.
Their bodies are changing from children into young adults.
Ana has noticed that her body is different from the other
females in her family.
Breasts develop
Sweat more
Hair grows
under arms
May start to have crushes
May feel moody
Ana has noticed that her body is starting to change and so
are her moods.
Because Ana is going through puberty and her body is
changing she needs to take care of it.
Ana needs to wash her body everyday, including her vulva,
and use deodorant under her arms. Sometimes people may
need help from a parent or caregiver to look after their body.
Small
High
Big
Low
Dark
Pale
Ana has started to wear a bra to stop her breasts from jiggling
about. Breasts come in all shapes and sizes so whatever a
female has they are right for her.
Once a month blood comes out through Ana’s vagina for
about 5 days and nights. This is called a period. This means
that her body is healthy and working properly and that one
day she may be able to be a mother.
When Ana has her period she wears a pad to stop blood
getting on her underwear.
‘How to change a Pad sequencing
activity’ – page 20 & 21.
Get more erections
Hair grows under arms
Eat more
May get pimples
May start to have crushes
Ana’s mum told her that boys also have body and mood
changes when they go through puberty.
Activity ‘Boys/Girls/Both’
– page 24-28.
Ana’s body belongs to her. Some parts of her body are
private, this means they are just for her.
Ana covers the private parts of her body with underwear.
If someone touches our private parts without us
saying they can, it is important that we tell an
adult we trust. Who is an adult you could tell?
Draw/stick underwear on Ana’s body to
cover her private parts.
Activity ‘Helping Hand’ – page 29.
If Ana needs help or has questions she knows she can talk
to her mum or aunty.
Peter has noticed that his body is different from the other
males in his family.
Get more erections Hair grows under arms
May get pimples
May start to have crushes
Eat more
Peter has noticed that his body is starting to change and
so are his moods. His mother has told him that this is part
of growing up. He is going through puberty and his body is
changing from a boy’s body into a young man’s body.
Because Peter is going through puberty and his body is
changing he needs to take care of it. Peter needs to wash his
body everyday, including his penis, and use deodorant under
his arms.
Sometimes people may need help from a parent or caregiver
to look after their body.
‘How to Shave sequencing activity’
– page 22 & 23.
Peter has started to grow hair on his face and has decided
that he wants to shave it off. Peter asks his dad to teach him
how to shave. Peter could use a hand razor or an electric razor.
Peter chooses to use an electric razor.
Peter is asleep.
His penis becomes hard (erect).
A small amount of
fluid (sperm) comes
out of Peter’s penis
so he needs to
change his pjamas.
Sometimes when Peter is asleep his penis became hard and
a small amount of fluid comes out of it. This is called a wet
dream. This means his body is working properly. The fluid has
sperm in it which means one day he may be able to be a father.
Breasts develop
Sweat more
Hair grows
under arms
May start to have crushes
May feel moody
Activity ‘Boys/Girls/Both’
– page 24-28.
Peter’s mum told him that girls also have body and mood
changes when they go through puberty.
Peter’s body belongs to him. Some parts of his body are
private, this means they are just for him.
Peter covers the private parts of his body with underwear.
If someone touches our private parts without us
saying they can, it is important that we tell an
adult we trust. Who is an adult you could tell?
Draw/stick underwear on Peter’s body to
cover his private parts.
Activity ‘Helping Hand’ – page 29.
If Peter needs help or has questions he knows he can talk to
his dad or grandad.
ACTIVITY INSTRUCTIONS
ACTIVITY – Which Body Looks Like Mine?
Ask the young person to circle/mark the person’s body that
looks most like their body. Then ask them to circle all the
people they think have gone through puberty. This is an
opportunity to talk about the physical differences between
people who have gone through puberty and those who
haven’t, e.g. taller, hair under arms, breasts, hair on the
face etc.
ACTIVITY – Public/Private Bodies.
Ask the young person to cover up the private parts of the
characters’ bodies. This is also a good opportunity to talk
about private and public places and what behaviours are
appropriate in both. You can define a private place as
somewhere that a person can shut the door and know that
they will not be interrupted e.g. bedroom, bathroom or toilet.
A public place can be defined as somewhere that anyone can
be e.g. movies, park etc. If the young person you are working
with needs help when using the bathroom or toilet it is
important that this is discussed in relation to private places.
ACTIVITY
How to change a pad sequence and How to shave sequence.
Photocopy or cut out the images. Ask the young person to
place the steps of shaving or changing a pad in order. This
activity can be used to reinforce what to do in these
situations.
ACTIVITY – Boys, Girls, Both.
Photocopy or cut out the cards. Place the heading cards
down. Ask the young person to go through the changes
cards and decide which heading card they go under.
The purpose of this activity is to identify the physical and
emotional changes that take place during puberty and
recognise that a majority of changes happen to both girls
and boys. It is important to acknowledge that while some
people find puberty an exciting time other people can find
it scary or confusing. It helps to think of an adult that they
trust to talk to if they have any of these feelings.
A full list of definitions of the pubertal changes is included
in the inserted information section for parents/teachers/
caregivers.
This activity is adapted from Family Planning’s The Sexuality
Road (2009) resource.
ACTIVITY – Helping Hand.
This activity helps to create a list of people that the young
person can talk to if they have questions or something has
happened that they don’t feel right about. This is an
opportunity to talk to them about safety and reinforce that
if someone touches or does something to them that they
don’t like it is not their fault and they need to tell someone.
“NO GO TELL’ can be a useful strategy to teach in relation
to this.
No – be assertive. Go – go to a safe place. Tell – someone
you trust and keep telling until you feel safe.
Go to the bathroom and
wash your hands.
Go into the toilet and
shut the door, pull
down underwear.
Pee or poo if you want to,
remove the used pad from
your underwear.
Wrap the used pad in
toilet paper and place the
used pad in the bin
.
Take a clean pad from your bag,
unwrap the pad from its wrapper
and stick onto your underwear.
Wipe your private parts
from front to back, and
pull up your underwear.
Open the toilet door, go
and wash your hands, leave
the bathroom.
How to shave sequencing activity
Wash and dry your face.
Ask an adult to help
you shave. Go to the
bathroom.
Turn on the razor
and move it over
your facial hair in a
circular motion.
Clean the razor after you
finish using it.
When you have finished shaving,
use water to wash your face and
then dry it. You may like to put on
some aftershave to make your
skin feel nice.
Boys/Girls/Both Cards
BREASTS DEVELOP
GET MORE ERECTIONS
EAT MORE
GET MORE HAIR ON FACE
EGGS ARE RELEASED
PUBIC HAIR GROWS
HAIR GROWS UNDER ARMS
HIPS GET WIDER
MAY START TO HAVE CRUSHES
✁
MAY FEEL MOODY
MAY GET PIMPLES
MAY HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT
PUBERTY
BEGIN HAVING PERIODS
MAY WANT TO SLEEP MORE
START MAKING SPERM
MAY FEEL LIKE MASTURBATING
(TOUCHING SEXUAL BODY PARTS
FOR PLEASURE)
BOYS
GIRLS
BOTH
Who can you go to if you need help or have questions?
Can you think of a person’s name for each finger on the helping hand?
Someone I live
with
Someone at work
or school
A friend
Someone in my
neighbourhood
Someone in a
public place
Helping Hand
Reprinted thanks to the generosity of
© Family Planning 2009
Revised and updated 2010
ISBN: 978-0-9864651-6-1
Family Planning is a Registered Charity CC11104
familyplanning.org.nz
All about Growing Up 1
ALL ABOUT GROWING UP
INFORMATION FOR PARENTS/CARERS/TEACHERS
Education curriculum
In New Zealand sexuality education is compulsory until year 10. However, many young people living with disabilities are on an Individual Education Programme (I.E.P.). I.E.Ps do not have to include a sexuality education component, but a sexuality component can be requested.
Parents/carers can be great sexuality educators and can talk to their children about sexuality issues from a young age. In particular, it is important to include in their learning public and private behaviour and recognising the difference between a stranger, acquaintance and friend. It is also useful to discuss the difference between secret and private.
Sexuality education is important as it can reduce the occurrence of inappropriate behaviour, such as public masturbation or indiscriminate affection. It can also give young people the skills and knowledge to keep themselves safe. Discussion about possible situations such as having a wet dream prior to their occurrence is important. You may want to see what the young person’s school is doing to look at education about these issues.
Key topics included in a comprehensive sexuality programme could include:
• Public and private behaviours/body parts/places and conversations - e.g. when it is / isn’t appropriate to comment out loud, such as making personal comments.
• Relationships – different types of relationships and behaviour expectations within those. e.g. friendships, love relationships, sexual relationships.
• Appropriate and inappropriate touch.
• Masturbation.
• Puberty.
• Hygiene.
• Safer Sex – contraception / Sexually transmissible infections (STIs).
• Consent.
• Recognising and avoiding unwanted sexual contact. • Feelings.
• Body Image.
talking about SExuality
Talking to young people about sexuality can make some people a little nervous. It is not unusual to find this difficult. Sexuality talks can help build awareness and skills around sexuality issues for the young person.
Many people worry that if they tell a young person living with a disability about sexuality issues it will give them suggestions to try these things. Research shows that young people are more likely to delay sexual activity when they have received comprehensive sexuality education that gives consistent messages.
It is important to discuss the difference between public and private behaviours and the values of the family.
There are some disabilities and/or medical conditions that may affect sexual development or desire. The best person to discuss this with would be the young person’s doctor or primary medical provider. Most young people living with a disability will go through the same sexual maturation at the same time as their non-disabled peers. This means that while they may not be able in some aspects of life they will still experience the same attractions as anyone else their age, but along with it may come frustrations; this is another reason why information about sexuality issues is so important.
There is no ‘best’ way to talk about sexuality with a young person as this will be influenced by the young person’s personality and abilities. The following are just tips that may help you to get started.
tipS for talking
• It is OK to be embarrassed or not know the answer to a question. Give yourself time to practise and prepare, this can help with the embarrassment. If it is getting too much for you, you could suggest another person that the young person could ask. If you don’t know the answer to a question, be honest, find it out together or get back to them on it.
• Try and talk about issues in a positive way. While it is important that young people know how to keep themselves safe, it is not necessary to use fear messages to make them understand when they need to get out of a situation.
• It can be helpful to use television programmes, friends’ pregnancies etc. to initiate conversations about sexuality in a casual way.
• Clear concrete examples are best; it can help to use visual aids, and check the young person’s understanding of your explanation.
• Remind the young person that they have the right to say no to anything that makes them uncomfortable and that other people have this right as well.
• Reinforce the information you give, frequently and in a variety of ways.
• Be honest about the implications of their disability (when you feel the time is right).
• As young people mature they feel the need for more privacy and independence. Try to allow this as much as possible.
• If you are discussing values with a young person ask them what they think about things as well as giving your own opinions and explaining why your family holds certain values.
• The way in which we react to a young person’s questions or behaviour can have a lasting impression on them. If you find a young person engaged in an inappropriate behaviour e.g. masturbating in the lounge, calmly and clearly explain why the behaviour is inappropriate and suggest an alternative. E.g. “It is fine for you to masturbate, but it is something that needs to be done in private. From now on if you feel like you want to masturbate you need to go to your bedroom to do it, as your bedroom is a private place.”
• Use the technical terminology for body parts e.g. “penis,’ rather than “willy.” This means that the reproductive parts won’t be seen as different which sometimes translates into “naughty or dirty,” but do reinforce that they are private.
• Remember that our body language can at times say more than words.
• It is not possible to protect young people from sexual messages, they are everywhere and young people do pick up on them, so we need to talk about sexuality to be sure they have the best information.
If you would like information and discussion starters on sexual relationships and safer sex Family Planning has produced a booklet titled ‘Safer Relationships, Safer Sex’ which is available from our website www.familyplanning.org.nz
placES to go for hElp
Family Planning– www.familyplanning.org.nz – information, resources and a list of clinics and health promotion services.
Family Planning, Auckland health promotion team (09) 522 0120 – information and support for Northern Region.
Family Planning Queensland – www.fpq.com.au – resources.
bookS that may bE of intErESt to parEntS…
from birth to puberty
Gill Lough & Max Saunders (2001)
A comprehensive and practical guide for parents and caregivers. This book is a great guide to helping your child develop a healthy sexuality.
the puberty book
Wendy Darvill & Kelsey Powell (1998)
Gives children and teenagers accurate and up-to-date information about
themselves, their bodies and growing up. This book is based on frequently asked questions from children and teenagers. Also very informative for parents and teachers.
bookS that may bE of intErESt to
parEntS and young pEoplE…
about masturbation for males
Family Planning Queensland
A booklet about masturbation, contains a simple language story for males living with a disability as well as notes for families and/or carers
Special girls business
Fay Angelo, Heather Pritchard and Rose Stewart (2005)
Written especially for girls with special needs. The book goes step by step through the process of managing a period using limited text and clear pictures..
There is also a Special Boys Business book in this series, check out
www.secretgb.com
hair in funny places
Babette Cole
A picture book aimed at young children to help explain about the changes that happen at puberty.
mummy laid an Egg
Babette Cole
A picture book aimed at young children to help explain about conception and pregnancy.
WEbSitES…
www.itsmybody.co.nz Produced by Johnson & Johnson for girls. Lots of information
on puberty & periods.
www.thehormonefactory.com Aimed at 10-12 year olds. Information such as
pubertal changes, looking after our bodies, how babies are made.
www.theword.org.nz Website produced by Family Planning, answers a variety of
actiVity
pubertal change (girlS/boyS/both)
This chart gives the answers for the girls/boys/both activity in the workbook as well as some extra information about the changes that happen during puberty.
girlS
boyS
both
breasts develop – however
some boys will store fat around the chest area as they go through puberty. This normally disappears as the shoulders widen and chest gets broader.
get more erections –
Erections occur when the penis fills with blood and becomes hard. During puberty these are often spontaneous and not related to specific thoughts or actions.
Sweat more –
sweat glands become more active as we go through puberty.
hips get wider –
this happens so there is room for a foetus (baby) to grow.
get more hair on face –
mainly boys (though some girls may have some facial hair).
hair grows under arms and pubic hair grows – body hair
is for warmth and protection but many people choose to shave it.
Eggs are released –
Girls are born with all their eggs already in their ovaries. When they go through puberty these eggs are ripened and released as part of the menstrual cycle.
Start having wet dreams –
A wet dream is when a boy gets an erection while he is asleep and ejaculates.
may start to have crushes–
during puberty young people may start to feel attracted to the same sex, opposite sex or both. This is normal. It is also normal for some young people not be attracted to anyone at this stage.
begin having periods –
refer to notes in booklet. Periods mean that a female is able to get pregnant.
Start making sperm –
During puberty the testicles start producing sperm, 50,000 per minute.
may want to sleep more –
all that growing can make young people tired so don’t be surprised if they want to sleep more.
girlS
boyS
both
Voice changes – mainly
boys - their voices will get deeper but before they do they often go up and down for a while. This is referred to as their voice breaking. Girls’ voices also deepen as they get older but it is not as noticeable.
Eat more –
with all the growing and changes that are happening young people might have an increased appetite.
may feel like masturbating
– masturbation (touching private parts for pleasure) is normal and is a good way for people to learn about their bodies. People living with a disability may need guidance to know that masturbation is a private activity that should be done in a private place.
may feel moody –
mood swings are caused by hormonal changes and are a normal part of puberty.
may get pimples –
washing the face well can help with these but some people just get more than others.
may have questions about puberty –
puberty can be a confusing time so there could be a lot of questions.
