Housemate
From the very beginning,
Loving her is already a mistake.
Loving her is a thing I should have never done.
Loving her is a pain.
But I can't stop it,
even if it hurts.
Loving my housemate.
--Chapter 1 DING.
The lift door opened and I soon stepped out of it.
Passing a few doors in the corridor of this abundant apartment, I headed to my room. My heels and the footstep of this guy who was holding my hand, were all things that I could hear.
925..
926..
927.
I stopped and took the key card out of my handbag.
The guy stood patiently behind me, waiting for me to turn back to him. So I did.
“Good night, Taeyeon-ah,” he smiled as he let go of my wrist.
A small gasp escaped my mouth when I felt a pair of warm lips on my right cheek. Down to my jawline.
“Oppa..”
He stopped going down to my neck.
For a second I thought he’d be leaving soon.
But I knew I was wrong when he crushed his lips on mine. My spinal cord proved that it worked better than my brain.
Reflexively, I immediately responded and kissed him back.
I felt nothing indeed, though.
He roughly kicked the door open and whilst nibbling on my lower lip, he pushed me into the room.
As soon as the door swung closed, he led me to the couch while his hands started roaming like crazy as he hovered on top of me.
His tongue wrestled with mine, as I could feel his right hand was caressing my inner thigh, while the other was unbuttoning my blouse.
“Mmhmm,” he let out a heavy moan, still devouring my lips.
I shivered a bit when the cool breeze of the air conditioner met my skin as the blouse was already thrown away to the floor.
I panted when finally he let go of my lips.
He continued sucking on my neck instead. He licked and sucked repeatedly on a certain spot. Hungrily, like my skin was an ice cream that would melt any soon.
He stopped for a while to pull off his shirt, displaying his well-toned abdomen. His body was muscular, and sexy I could say. He was a dream of girls.
But unfortunately,
I never thought I was one of those girls.
Darn it, I hated how nice it was felt.
“Taeyeon-ah,” I could feel his lips vibrated on my skin as he mumbled
breathlessly, whilst his hand traveled to my right breast. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered as he slowly massaged and rubbed it.
I knew.
That was the first reason why many guys hit on me. Obviously.
“Mmmmh,” he moaned that manly moan of his as he led my hand down, to his stiff property. “You’re so fucking hot,”
I knew that too.
That was the second reason.
He ate my lips again as he roughly pushed my hand inside his pants, commanding me to caress his stuff. So I did.
“FUCK!” he cursed in pleasure as I could feel his whole body stiffened, seemed like he was going to explode.
I stopped and pulled back my hand when my cell phone beeped. I rolled to my stomach and reached my hand out to the nearby nightstand, taking my phone.
“Fuck, I’m almost there, babe!” I could hear he groaned in frustration. No wonder since I left him hanging.
Hell, like I care.
From: Tiffany
TaeTae! I’m on my way home. What do you cook tonight?
I smiled and immediately typed back, telling what she’d be having for dinner. For a few moments I completely forgot about this aroused guy on top of me.
“Sorry, Oppa. My housemate is coming home. Let’s just continue this other time,” I said as I stood and picked my blouse from the floor.
“Let’s just finish it now,” he insisted as he back hugged me, pulling me back to the couch. He sucked on my neck again as his left hand caressed my inner thigh. And went even deeper.
“Stop it,”
“No,” he didn’t stop and snaked his hand under my bra instead.
He looked totally disappointed, but also apologetic at the same time as he saw that I was pissed off.
“I’m sorry,” he stood up as he wore his shirt. “I’m sorry, baby.”
I just shrugged since I didn’t think it was really necessary to give an answer.
I walked to the door and opened it, signaling him to step out of the room.
He still had the same apologetic face as he walked passing me.
“You’re not mad at me, are you?”
Mad? No, just uninterested. If there was a person to be mad of, it would be no one but myself.
“I’m sorry for being too pushy tonight, Taeyeonnie,” he said as he held both of my hands. I let out a small smile, shaking my head lightly.
Remembering what it always ended up to every time he tasted my lips, I chose to avoid him as I turned my head, giving him my cheek only.
I could see another disappointment on his face when he leaned back.
“So.. Good night, Taeyeon-ah.”
“Good night.”
“I love you.”
“.. I know.”
He gave me another meek smile before heading off to the lift.
It wasn’t his fault that I couldn’t return his feelings.
But it wasn’t my fault either, that I fell hard for her, far before he met me.
Chapter 2 “Taeyeon-ah,”
I always felt like my name was so beautiful yet sexy, every time it was mentioned by her. By my housemate, Hwang Tiffany.
“TaeTae,” she called again as she slumped herself onto my bed. She picked one of the pillows and put it on my lap, before laying her head on it.
She shifted and tapped the pillow, making herself comfortable. Then she nuzzled her face on it as she let out a husky hum, like a purring cat.
“I’m so tired,” she audibly sighed.
Her deep, dark brown eyes bore to mine.
“You look so, too, Tae.” she said as slowly she removed a few strands of hair from my face.
I closed my eyes when her warm palm gently touched my cheek. And slowly caressed it, so tenderly like I was a thin glass that could easily break.
And I liked the feeling.
It was a part of my nature to close my eyes and try to cherish every single moment I had with her.
The steady breathing of hers. Her sweet scent. Her warm touch.
Just.. Everything.
I put my palm on hers as I softly pressed my cheek on it, begging for more warmth from her.
We were used to this. We were used to cuddle to each other. Or her cuddling at me, to be exact. And I loved it.
Would two girls with a bond of best friends do this?
I never thought so.
Tiffany and I had a tight bond that was absolutely beyond the stage of friend.
If people were to ask us what we were,
why we lived together,
and why we both seemed to care for each other a lot,
she would usually say that we both were like..
Sisters.
I hated it.
Because I loved her. Really loved her.
And I didn’t know since when I started.
All I knew was that I wanted her to always be by my side. To embrace her. To never let a thing hurt her. And to be with her.
I totally loved it how we spent most of our time together.
With Tiffany, simply laying or sitting by my side.
Even if she did nothing, my heart still fluttered, as long as she was nearby me.
It felt so right, yet so wrong.
Sometimes I regretted how this country was.. despite its amazing and impressive development, it was rather close-minded.
They would make a big fuss over something that actually wasn’t really necessary to be troubled of.
It had always been a big no here. People despised it like it was an extermely nasty thing to do.
Which was planting a fear on me, to let her know how I’d always felt for her.
But if I could have her, I wouldn’t mind the whole country mocking at me.
My biggest fear was only one;
What if she didn’t feel the same? What if she left me afterwards?
No, I couldn’t break the relationship we already had, the strong chemistry we already built. I couldn’t imagine if I were to live without her.
Therefore I chose to hide what I felt.
And if I could erase my feelings, I thought it would be better. If I felt nothing for her, it wouldn’t be hurt and tightening, every time she went out with a guy.
If I had someone to fall for, maybe I wouldn’t have to felt the pain, to be holding what I felt.
Which was why I said yes when Jang Wooyoung asked me to be his girl friend.
But I knew I could never get her off of my mind. Being away from her just made me thought about her even more.
I couldn’t stop comparing her to every guy I went out with.
Like, Wooyoung’s kiss felt plain. I couldn’t feel a thing from him. Even just a spark, there was none.
But Tiffany, just with a touch, or even only with her presence, she already succeeded in making my heart skipped a beat.
That was how dating a guy had become an epic failure on my effort to erase my feelings for her.
Living under the same roof with her also wasn’t helping at all.
I wanted to stop her and just have her for my own.
But what was I again?
A sister.
Although it hurt, I just couldn’t stop loving her.
“TaeTae..” she called as her index finger traced my nose line.
“Hmm?”
A soft yawn escaped her lips, as she wrinkled her nose in a cute manner, making me want to pinch her. She was just too adorable for me.
“Then go to bed.”
“I’m already on it,” she sleepily giggled as she nuzzled her nose on the pillow.
“I mean yours.”
She jutted her lower lip at my remark. It wasn’t like I would mind sleeping with her.
I would really love to, honestly.
But I thought I wouldn’t get to close my eyes even for a second if I had this angel by my side through the night.
I didn’t want her to hear my rapid heart beat as well.
And I didn’t know what I could do to her. I might lose control.
I meant, she was sexy without her even trying. She had always been the sexiest person in my eyes.
I had no intention to be perverted, but I always found it hard to divert my gaze from her perfect butt. And boobs.
Oh God, kill me now.
“Fine then,” she finally said.
As soon as she got up, I immediately missed her warmth.
Like it had a mind on its own, my feet brought me down from the bed and led me to follow her to the door of her room, which was only a few steps from mine.
“Tiffany,” I called when she was about to close her door.
“Yea?”
I love you.
Chapter 3 From: Tiffany
TaeTae! I’m home and currently dying. There’s nothing on the dining table.
Where r u~? :(
This adorable hungry girl.
Shouldn’t she be looking for something to eat instead of me? I couldn’t help but smile as I read her message.
My stupid heart, just with a simple message from her, it already jumped happily.
“Baby,”
Dang.
Just then I realized that I was still with him. In his car.
“Thanks for today,” he smiled as he leaned forward, pecking my lips.
“Thanks for driving me home.”
“It’s my pleasure.”
“Good night then,” I was about to open the car door when he held my wrist. I glanced down at my wrist then at his sulking face, questioningly.
“No goodnight kiss?”
I bit my lower lip to prevent my groan of annoyance that was already stuck on my throat.
Were the making out sessions we –or he- did not enough?
Probably my reflex was too nice, or I was just a good kisser. Too good, until he didn’t realize that I never enjoyed any of our session.
But refusing his request would just waste my time. I had to go now. Tiffany needed me. Or her tummy, to be exact.
I leaned forward and gave a light peck on his lips. His tasteless lips.
And that was what I thought I really needed to do, before finally letting myself free from him.
But I was wrong again.
He put his palm on the back of my neck, pushing my head closer to him as he deepened the kiss.
I could feel he nibbled on my lower lip and softly bit it, asking for an entrance.
I didn’t know why the hell I was doing this..
I gasped when I felt his cold hand slid under my shirt.
“Oppa, not now,” I tried to push him away.
But being a petite figure compared to him I was, my effort seemed useless since he didn’t even budge an inch, even tightening his hold on my waist.
“Oppa,”
“I need you, Taeyeon-ah,” I could hear he mumbled between his warm breath that was tickling my neck.
He kissed my jaw, before my lips. “I want you.”
Shit. Here he went again.
“Not now. She’s needing me.”
He huffed as a smile formed in his lips. A sarcastic one. “Your housemate?”
“Yes.”
“She’s needing me now,”
“So am I,”
“It’s different,” I pulled his hand out of my shirt before it could reach my bra. “She’s hungry to death.”
A bit of exaggeration, yes. But it wasn’t all lies since Tiffany could be so moody and sulky when she was starving.
He kissed my collarbone, slowly going down with his tongue. “I’m hungry of you too.”
And.. That literally meant he wanted to fuck me. No hell way.
“Sorry Oppa, I need to cook for her,” I pushed his face away from my cleavage.
And I could see he was really pissed off, judging from his frowning face and an audible huff.
“What are you, her mommy?”
What was he to kiss and touch me? He wasn’t Tiffany.
“No. Just her housemate.”
“Then just fuck me now, babe! If you are that desperate to see your fucking housemate, just call her to come here. Let’s have a fucking threesome.”
Oh, so now he finally put away his sweet boyfriend act and revealed his bastard personality. I knew it.
I knew that he just wanted to get into my pants from the very beginning.
Come to think again, why did I even accept him? Me and my stupid mouth.
“Watch your word, Jang Wooyoung.”
I didn’t care about me, but no one could speak dirty about Tiffany. Not even the president could. No one.
“Oh, so now you are my hot ass mommy?”
“No. I’m no one to you, since we are over now.”
I quickly stepped out of his damn car and slammed the door.
“Fuck you, bitch!”
Chapter 4
I slid the key card and as soon as the door clicked open, I heard my name was called by her angelic, husky tone.
A smile automatically formed on my lips.
Her voice sounded like a home to me; a place where I was supposed to be.
“Taeyeon-ah!” she lightly waved her hand from the couch, with the TV remote on her other hand.
“Hey,” I took my heels off and soon joined her, lazily slumped myself on the comfy couch.
I took a glance at her and realized that she only wore her loose white shirt, showing those honey thighs every girl would die to have.
Oh man.
I had seen her like this countless time, but still I couldn’t help but become.. a bit uncomfortable.
Hoping she wouldn’t catch me staring at her, I threw my gaze to the TV. “No.”
She turned her head to me and slightly tilted her head to the side, asking for a clearer answer.
“With a friend,”
I said that, but I didn’t think that horny perverted guy was even worth to be titled a friend.
I tended not to tell her every time I dated a guy, and I didn’t know why.
“Why didn’t you bring her to have a dinner with us?”
Her? It’s him, dear.
And if I brought that pervert to meet her, it would be the same with letting him undressing her with his filthy gaze. No one could do that to her but me.
She wasn’t even mine yet I was already so protective and possessive.
I shrugged my shoulders. “I was too tired to do that.”
There was a silence for a few seconds before suddenly I felt my wrist being pulled.
I looked up to her but she only gave her eye smile.
“Come with me,”
Aish.
I bit my lower lip as I followed her into my room.
She knew that I could never resist that alluring husky tone and eye smile, which she would always do every time she wanted me to grant her wish.
I hated to admit, but I was so whipped by her.
A gasp escaped my lungs when suddenly she pushed me to the bed. My eyes widened as she crawled and hovered on top of me.
Oh my God.
“Stop making a face like I was going to rape you and just roll to your stomach, TaeTae,” she chuckled as she poked my nose.
“What?”
“I said rolled over. Come on, Tae.”
Clueless, I did as I was told.
While I actually I wouldn’t mind if she was really going to rape me.
My dirty mind, why was it working so well?
I could feel she sat on my back after I lied flat on my stomach.
Much to my surprise, I felt her soft hands started massaging my shoulders, gently but hard enough to reach my muscles.
“You said you were tired, didn’t you?”
I only replied with a hum, closing my eyes whilst enjoying my muscles relaxed under her touch.
With her sweet scent and soft touch on me, I wished the time would walk slower and kindly let me enjoy this moment longer.
It just felt so damn good.
“Am I good?”
“Yes you are.”
She giggled. “Should I open my own spa?”
And let her touch and sit on other’s back?
“Yahh,” she slapped my butt. I could imagine her pouting lips.
I laughed, feeling satisfied of my remark.
“Quiet, ahjumma,” she slapped my butt again.
Gosh.
Didn’t she know that it slowly made me felt uncomfortable.. The same way when she dressed shortly?
.. I felt turned on.
My dear housemate, she had no idea how seductive and sexy she could be in my eyes.
Sumgyeo do twinkle eojjeona~
“Yoboseyo?” she picked up, still sitting on me. “Oh, good evening, oppa.”
Oppa?
I never remembered she had any older brother. Curiosity and jealousy immediately struck me.
I felt nervous. Insecure. And obviously, jealous.
Why did she sound happy to talk with this man?
The next thing she did only made my heart even more tightened as she climbed down the bed and went outside, leaving me alone in my room, dumbfounded.
I sat on the edge of my bed while hugging my peas doll, as I anxiously waited for her to hang up.
Around three minutes passed by but it felt like three hours for me, before she skipped back to the bed.
She snatched my doll and hugged it tight, smiling. “Nichkhun Oppa,”
“Who?”
“Nichkhun Buck, he’s in the same class as I am.”
“You have a project together?”
“No, he just said good night and wished me a nice dream. Sweet of him, isn’t it?”
Chapter 5
Thinking, counting, or memorizing fast, were things I realized I had occupied ever since I started going to pre-school.
It kindly eased me in learning things; never in my life I found it hard to achieve the perfection in my grades.
My brain was every thing a student could wish for.
I had been really proud of it. Too proud, to the point where I thought others were just bunch of fools.
But that was before I met my housemate.
My so-called brain that was praised by people around, wasn’t really that useful anymore when it came to facing her.
It got down to its knees every time it had to face her eye-smile. She blew my mind. She drove me insane. She pulled and attracted me to her, just simply like gravity.
And without even her knowing, ironically.
I never believed in ghosts, as those kinds of things were purely unreal for me. Humans were the ones I would be scared of.
Human could hurt, even without any physical contact -even with just a word. And it took an unknown time to heal the wound.
Which explained why I would just laugh off those movies other people screamed and closed their eyes for.
A brave girl I was called, and once again I got praised for it.
All thanks to my logical mind.
But that was before I met my housemate.
My logic was the culprit behind the fears I had.
I cared about what people said, caused by it. I predicted for the worst of her
reaction, caused by it. And I never had the guts to tell her what I had been feeling, was also because of my logical mind.
Fuck my mind.
No one had the idea how most of the times I wished to be a fool instead.
If I were a fool, I could care for nothing but her.
If I were a fool, I would have nothing to be afraid of but losing her.
And if I were a fool, perhaps I would never have to cry alone under the stars anymore.
Just, if.
That was how my brain –which I was so proud of- had caused such a resentment for me.
Just simply like now, it was used by the powerful old men called lecturer, to do what was supposed to be their job; lecturing the pupil.
I stopped and softly inhaled as I looked up to this guy in front of me.
“Do you get it, Suho-ssi?”
He didn’t reply as he kept scribbling on his book.
Right before I was about to repeat my question since I thought he didn’t hear me, he put his pen, smiling.
“Completely,” he said.
“I don’t think so,” he chuckled. “You’re even better than Mr. Lee himself.”
“Good to hear,” I let out a faint smile. “See you tomorrow then.”
I stopped when I felt a grip on my wrist.
“Wait, Taeyeon-ssi,”
I stared back at this brown-haired guy.
“You’ve helped me a lot,” he said whilst sheepishly smiling. “Let’s have a lunch together, my treat.”
“I’ve had one.”
I tried my best not to roll my eyes.
I meant, he was a nice guy –as far as how he seemed to be-, but my tongue was slowly getting tired of rejecting those who came and offered once they heard the break up of me and Wooyoung.
Sigh.
“I’m sorry, Suho-ssi,”
His face fell, but that hopeful glint of his eyes still hadn’t left.
I raised an eyebrow questioningly when he scribbled on a piece of paper and handed it to me.
***
“Where are you going to go?” I asked.
Tiffany took a quick glance of my reflection before staring back at hers, carefully running the lipstick on her already plump, pink lips –which I had been wondering how sweet would it taste.
I leaned on the door as I waited for her reply, watching every of her skillful move in putting the make-up.
“Dinner,” she said shortly. “Nichkhun oppa invites me.”
“At his place?”
“Ani,” she shook her head lightly as she picked her pink handbag.
She turned to me, a playful smirk formed on the corner of her lips. “Why are you so curious, Taeyeon-ah?”
Because I love you.
“I’m your housemate, I need to know.”
She shrugged. “At the new Italian restaurant.”
“Oh.”
I didn’t know if she realized it or not, but I realized it myself, that whenever I felt upset, ‘oh’ was the only word my mouth could utter.
I felt like being stabbed, being mocked and betrayed, as I watched her figure disappeared behind the silver lift door.
Wondering how I would go through another restless and lonely night, I heavily brought my feet back to my room.
I slumped myself on the bed.
Just then, I felt something poked my right thigh.
I took it out and read it.
Perhaps I wouldn’t have to be that lonely tonight.
“Yoboseyo?”
“Taeyeon-ssi? Is that you?”
“Yes.”
“So.. Do you change your mind?”
Chapter 6
This Nichkhun guy..
I didn’t like him.
I didn’t like how he treated my housemate.
A kind of sweet smile never left his face when he brought her purse, opened the door for her, when he pulled out the chair for her and especially, when his hand held hers in a gentle way.
I didn’t like it all.
Even just with a quick glance, his well-shaped body could be spotted.
His looks wasn’t so bad, typical cute guy girl would fall for.
And judging from the way he dressed in the branded tux, or simply by taking a look at his red car with the black horse as its brand, people would instantly assumed that he was from a well-being, very wealthy family.
I didn’t like it.
Not that I actually hated him –I didn’t even know him- but he was a big obstacle on my way; he was a big threat.
Even if it sounded selfish, but how nice it would be if he acted all jerk and ended up receiving a slap from Tiffany.
But no, all he did was doing sweet and gentle, just exactly how she liked to be treated.
He could easily charm her.
And he.. He was taller than her.
To the top of those, he was a man.
He was everything I was not.
And I realized, that actually I hated the fact.
“Taeyeon-ssi?”
I broke my gaze from the two chatting people and slowly turned my head to the guy who was sitting with me.
I smiled at him.
“Is it good?” he asked, slightly pointing at the spaghetti on my plate with his silver fork.
“Yes.”
“I think so too. But Korean beef is still the best.”
“No, no, as long as you’re willing to go out with me, I won’t mind.”
I replied with a smile.
From my peripheral vision I could see that guy pushed my housemate’s hand when she was trying to pay the bill, and handed his card instead. He calmly passed it to the waiter who immediately did his job.
“I didn’t know you like pasta, Taeyeon-ssi.”
“You never knew me, Suho-ssi.”
“You will not want to.”
A silence. His face fell as he put down the fork.
“I want to.”
“Don’t.”
I sighed. “I will just hurt you in the end.”
Much to my surprise, he grinned as he put his palm above my hand.
“We never know the end before we start, Taeyeon-ssi.”
***
I almost jumped out of my skin as her husky voice went through my ear when I was about to enter my room.
The lights were already off and all, which made me think she was already asleep. But eventually I was wrong, proven by her standing at her door, dressed in her pink pajama.
It was one familiar view, except the fact that she was wearing a not so amused face, unlike the usual.
“TaeTae,” she called again in a rather low tone, which sent shivers down to my spine. “Where have you been?”
“Dinner.”
“A friend.”
“Who?”
“You don’t know.. him.”
“So you were out with a guy I don’t know? Sweet of you, Kim Taeyeon.”
I cringed. I never liked it when she used that sarcastic tone, which she rarely ever used to me. What’s wrong with her?
“Hey you were out with a guy I don’t know either, Tiffany.”
I immediately regretted what I had just remarked and wished how better would it be if I just kept my mouth shut, when suddenly she broke into tears before
slamming her door.
“I HATE YOU KIM TAEYEON!”
SLAM!
And that shattered my heart into pieces. Even if she didn’t mean it, even if she wasn’t in her right mind.. Her words hurt me badly.
I inhaled deeply, clearing my mind and let my logic worked on searching the reason why she said those unpleasant words.
But I didn’t think she found out that I stalked her date.
I didn’t think I did something wrong to her either.
What’s wrong with her?
Chapter 7
I leaned my elbows against the white hedge of the balcony. I inhaled, letting the cold night air entered my nostrils and filled my lungs.
The trails of tears on my cheeks felt cold, but I could care less.
Staring above, I could see the black sky accompanied by the scattering stars.
I admired them.
They never got tired of shining in every single second, though they went invisible before the night came, since they were defeated by the sunlight.
Even at night, -when they were supposed to appear- they would disappear from the sight too, when the moon reached its full size and shone way brighter than it used to do.
But still, even though sometimes they were invisible, even though they were ignored like they were never existed, and people didn’t really realize how hard they’d been working; they never left.
The stars would always be there, loyally waiting for the sun to set. They would always be there, brightening up the lonely nights.
Though it wasn’t rarely I hugged my knees and cried a river through the night alone, though countless times she brought me down, and no matter how many times again she’d break my heart.. I never thought I’d ever leave.
I’d always be here for Tiffany. Through her up and down, I would.
Because even if I would, I could never stop feeling what I’d been feeling for her this whole time. I could never stop loving her.
Click.
The door was opened. Without checking back, I knew it was her.
“TaeTae..” she called. I noticed the hoarseness in her voice.
Then I could feel a warm cloth was put on my shoulders.
“You can catch a cold, Tae.” I heard she spoke behind me.
“Why do you care?”
There was a silence as the wind slightly blew. “Taeyeon-ah..”
“I thought you hated me, why do you care?”
Then it happened. My heart started its race the second I felt warmth on my back as she wrapped her arms around my stomach.
“I’m sorry..” she faintly said, almost like a whisper. Her warm breath tickled my neck when she rested her chin on my right shoulder.
I stayed silence. Hearing her soft husky voice, had brought the comfort back to me. Without I even knew I found myself leaning back on her with my eyes closed.
“I didn’t mean what I said earlier..”
I knew.
“Please forgive me.”
I had.
“…”
Sigh.
I peeled off her hands of my stomach and walked back into my room. From my peripheral vision I could see she stood still with her head hanging low.
Then I heard a sob.
“What’s wrong?” I instinctively wrapped my arms around her and stroke her smooth red hair.
“I felt stupid..” she sobbed. Much to my delight she hugged me back and buried her face on my shoulder.
Wait.
So she cried because of him?
It turned out I was the one who felt stupid. She said between her sobs, that
Nichkhun guy gave her hopes when eventually he took her out to say a good bye, asking her to wish him luck in studying abroad.
And until a few moments ago, I was hoping like a foolish that she’d cry because of me. Babo. Really, really stupid.
Every of the tear she let out became even more painful for me, knowing it was for a guy out there, a guy I didn’t even know.
I could feel my shirt was getting wet of her tears. But so were my eyes, they were watery due the double pains I took; the pain of seeing my housemate cried, and the pain of accepting the fact that she had a thing for that guy. Which reminded me again what I was.
A goddamn sister.
And I could do nothing but calm her down with soothing words, saying it was okay and she would find someone better.
I was dying to say she had found someone better ever since long ago.
She had found me.
“Can I sleep with you tonight?”
I broke the hug and stared at her eyes.
Soon I knew it was definitely a wrong move, since I could never resist her alluring, pleading dark brown orbs. With her reddened nose, she looked even more
adorable. Too lovable to handle.
“Ouch, why do you pinch my cheek?”
“Because I won’t let you sleep with me.”
“Please?”
I could do nothing but nod my head like an idiot when she jutted her lower lip and tucked in her chin, just like a sulking little girl.
She went to my bed and positioned, shifting to look for a comfortable position like it was her own bed. I didn’t really mind since we used to sleep together on each other’s bed until some time ago.
“Why are you still standing there? Come here,” she said opening a part of the blanket and signaling me to come.
As soon as I lay down, she hugged my arm and snuggled to me. I was beyond happy, but worried at the same time. I kept wishing she wouldn’t ask for the reason of my rapid heartbeat.
She shifted and hugged me by waist, her face on my chest while I rested my chin on the top of her head.
“TaeTae,”
“Hmm?”
“I can’t sleep.”
“Want some hot chocolate?”
“Umm.. Can you sing for me instead?”
She looked up. With those eyes I couldn’t fight against. “Please?”
Sigh.
“Just a short one. Please? I miss your singing.”
“Fine. What song?”
“Any song that fits your feelings now.”
She smiled happily as she snuggled closer and shut her eyes.
“I’m waiting,” she nudged my arm, still with her eyes closed.
“Alright, alright. Here I go.”
“My clenched heart keeps escaping, oh~
Even if I try to hide and conceal it, everything flows out, oh
Watching you, someone I can't have
Hiding to make sure my small shadow doesn't get seen
Oh I cautiously take nervous steps towards you
Oh I become more afraid the closer I get in fear that you'll get farther away”
I’d been afraid to tell you what I felt, Tiffany. But someday.. Someday I would.
“One, two my heart
Five, six and my entire body walks towards only you..”
“Why do you stop?”
“You said just a short one.”
“Go on, it’s really good.”
“I can see you clearer the more my eyes are blinded
I hear you all day the more I cover my ears”
The more I tried to forget her by dating guys just made me think about her even more. I could never get my mind off of her.
“It's hard to read what's in your eyes
I just keep trying to read your mind all day
Oh once again I take nervous steps towards you Oh come close enough to where you can see my love
One, two my heart Three, four my breath
Five, six my entire body walks towards only you
One, two yesterday Three, four today
Five, six and tomorrow I walk towards you
Today I'm walking towards you alone, crying
I wait for the day when my love reaches you, when you'll hug me in your arms
I need you hey
Oh I cautiously take nervous steps towards you Oh I become more afraid the closer I get
Oh once again I take nervous steps towards you Oh come close enough to where you can see my love
Three, four my breath
Five, six my entire body walks towards only you”
I stopped and while catching a breath, I looked down to her. Her eyes shut closed and a smile was drawn in her pink lips.
I assumed she had slept since I could already hear her soft snoring.
The sight of my housemate sleeping peacefully in my arms just planted a smile on me.
Like they had mind on their own, my lips kissed the top of her head, as soft as they could so she wouldn’t get disturbed in her dream --that I wished would be sweet.
“One, two yesterday
Three, four today
Chapter 8
It was amazing. Heavenly.
It was such a blessing to meet an angel, and mostly, to realize that I had her in my arms, since the very first second I opened my eyes in the morning.
I had to be the luckiest secret admirer in this world. Guys would die to replace my position; hugging this sleeping goddess, and being hugged back by her soft, pale white arms.
I stayed still, adoring every feature of her flawless beautiful face. I moved my numb hand and used it to remove some strands of red hair from her face. On its way retreating back, my thumb accidentally brushed her upper lip.
It was just definitely a simple touch, but didn’t fail to make my heart skip a beat and what more, it made me wonder.. How would her lips taste like? How would her lips feel between mine?
This thought –which clearly had appeared more than several times in my head-, had been driving me nuts.
Living under the same roof with her didn’t do anything good in getting enough of her. It worked otherwise. This feeling I had just grew stronger every second I spent with her.
I wanted to have her. I wanted to have Tiffany, and not only as her housemate, nor her sister.
But how?
And what if..?
Sigh.
I didn’t know, sadly.
One good thing for me, or might be for the both of us, it had been approximately two weeks since the day she broke into tears, and she had been back to her bubbly self, skipping around and beaming that breath taking eye smile of hers.
Everything went well between us, even better.
She would occasionally sneak into my room in the middle of the night, and I would simply pretend like I was sleeping, while secretly peeping on how cute she
struggled in covering the both of us with my small blanket.
I’d been trying hard to hide my smile, too, every moment she snuggled closer and hugged my petite waist tightly, might be in order to earn some warmth, or to
prevent her from falling off of my narrow bed. I’d never been this grateful towards my single bed before.
Just like last night, when she climbed onto my bed even earlier than myself.
“Ngghh,”
I heard her husky moan as her eyes slowly fluttered open. She frowned at the sudden brightness of the sunlight entering my room from the window, and furrowed her eyebrows in an obvious annoyance.
A second later, her eyes bored to mine and I swore, her beauty loyally stayed with her even though she had no make up on, though she had just woke up from her deep slumber.
“Good morning, Tiffany.”
She smiled with her eyes. “Morning, TaeTae.”
“Had a nice sleep?”
“Ngghh,” she nuzzled her nose to the pillow while lazily nodding.
“Want some breakfast?”
“Later. Sleep now.”
She sat upright, her eyes wide. I was surprised by her sudden move but
immediately about to burst to laughter when she sniffed herself with an alarmed look.
“I’m still sweet-scented as ever, thank you,” she took the pillow and threw it to me. And ouch, it accurately hit my nose. I stopped laughing. “You should be the one taking a shower, Taeyeon-ah.”
“I had taken mine, for your information.”
“I still wanna sleep..” she hugged my peas doll as she nuzzled her face on it.
“Not a chance, young lady. Go get your lazy bum off my bed while I prepare the breakfast.”
“I want a pancake.”
She stated as she pulled out the chair, still drying her dripping wet red hair with her blinding pink towel.
“I’ll take your bacon then. I only cooked bacon this morning, you know.”
She pouted, slumping the towel to her shoulders in unamused way. “I want pancake, Taeyeon-ah. Can you please make me one?”
I shrugged while chewing on my meal. “Make it yourself.”
“You want me to burn down the kitchen, don’t you?”
That earned a chuckle from me. I found it funny how she realized and admitted her lack in cooking skill. Little did she know that just made her even more adorable for me, --I practically loved everything about her.
DING DONG.
I stood up. “I’ll get that.”
“Be fast, my tummy needs the pancake.”
I stuck my tongue out at her, which earned another hit of cushion on my face.
DING DONG.
“Coming,” I reached the door and held the knob, wondering who on the earth would visit us this early, even before my early class started.
As the door opened, I found the visitor was a guy, I scanned him from his nicely tied sneakers, the blue jeans, and his checkered blouse.. and then I immediately recognized who he was.
“Suho-ssi?”
“Ah, good morning, Taeyeon-ssi,” he smiled, slightly bowing.
“Good morning,” I bowed back. Might be after noticing the questioning look on me, he started explaining the reason of his presence at my freaking apartment this freaking early.
“You know, we have the same period of morning class..” he rubbed his cheek with his index finger in a shy manner. “Maybe we can go together?”
This guy..
He had been treating me nothing but awfully nice ever since he first took me out. I was sure he would be a really nice lover, just if..
You know, if my heart hadn’t been stolen by her.
I didn’t want Tiffany to see every of my date, and a second ago I still hadn’t known why.
But then I realized.. That I wanted her to know that actually I wanted to be no one but her, though it was such an oblivious way.
It would be incredibly rude if I simply turned his offer down. I meant, he had come here this early, for me.
But still, I didn’t want Tiffany to see him.
Chapter 9
“Taeyeon-ah, who’s at the door?”
I felt my breath hitched the moment I saw her eyes met his. The thing I didn’t really want to happen, happened.
She saw him.
I was not delighted to know it. Nor did I know what to do.
“Good morning,” he smiled whilst slightly bowing to her; a habit I realized he’d do to every one he met, as a friendly man he was.
I watched how her eyebrows furrowed at him before she tilted her head to me, frowning in a questioning look.
“He’s-“ I cleared the lump in my throat.
The hell was it. I felt all uncomfortable, and awkward –I felt like slamming the door at the moment.
I felt so weird.
“Tiffany, this is Suho-ssi. Suho-ssi, this is Tiffany, my housemate.”
He slightly nodded his head in acknowledgement before reaching his hand out to her. “Nice to meet you, Tiffany-ssi.”
He smiled to her once. And back to me, with that shy smile of his. “Well.. I’m going to wait you at the lobby then, Taeyeon-ssi. Is that okay with you?”
“..Yes.”
***
“How long have you been dating this guy?”
Sigh.
“He’s just a friend, Tiffany.”
“Sure. A friend would surely drive this early to pick his ‘friend’ up.” “Don’t you use that sarcastic tone of yours.”
“It’s better than not telling a single thing and lying.” “I’m telling the truth.”
“I’m not.”
“But still, you never tell me anything about you!” “Well, you never asked.”
“Fine. Just get lost and go kissing your Suho.” She turned away from me.
It was then a stupid question out of my curiosity and confusion popped out. “Are you jealous?”
“What? With you?” “No, not with me. With-“
“Like hell I would be crushing a guy like that. I’ve a date and we’ll be out tonight.” “What?”
“I’m going out tonight.” “Why, Tiffany?”
“What?”
“Why are you so easy?”
“Excuse me?” she raised her voice a note higher.
“Don’t you remember what happened the last time you went out with a random guy? With that.. With that Nichkhun guy? You ended up crying all night, you paboya! Don’t go!”
“I don’t care. I’ll still be going.” “I SAID DON’T.”
“God, you have no right to forbid me, Kim Taeyeon!”
“Damn it, what if this man is just another asshole, Tiffany?”
“Oh, first you won’t tell me a single shit and now you’re acting like my overprotective father.”
“Listen to me, I just don’t want you to get hurt again.” “Stop pretending like you really care.”
“Oh God, what’s wrong with you, Tiffany?” “No, what’s wrong with you, Taeyeon-ah?” “What’s wrong with me?”
“Yeah, you-”
“I’m freaking in love with you, Tiffany. That’s what is fucking WRONG with ME!”
***
Sigh.
I was ruined.
I was so damn ruined.
I said what I was definitely not supposed to say. I did what I had to have never done.
Confessing.
And not to mention, in a very inappropriate way. Slamming the door right after yelling at her face was certainly a totally romantic way to tell what I had been feeling inside. Very, very romantic.
And now, I didn’t know what or how I was supposed to feel. I couldn’t read my own heart.
Embarrassment, anger.. were certain feelings I had, but they could be put aside. I was.. I was horrified. I was scared.
What if she didn’t return what I felt? What if she became disgusted? What if.. What if I found no one in the apartment.. And I no longer had her as my housemate?
I was scared. I was so damn scared.
Losing her was like the world lost the electricity. You could still live, but felt dark and empty inside. It was the last thing I wished to happen.
I didn’t want to lose her.
I loved Tiffany. I really.. really, loved her.
“Are you okay, Taeyeon-ssi?”
I brought my head up and turned to him. It was all blurry since I could feel my eyes were watery. Within a blink, a tear escaped and I could feel it rolled down my cheeks.
I moved my palm and was about to wipe it, when he gripped my wrist.
With a concerned look, he wiped my tears with his thumbs.
Hardly, I forced a smile.
Then I felt a warm palm against my right cheek. He slid down his palm and held my chin up, forcing me to meet his worried, deep brown eyes.
“You can tell me. Trust me.”
“..I’m fine..”
I heard his audible sigh as he stroke my hair, so gently. Disappointment was clearly drawn on his handsome face, which made me feel like a total ass.
“Suho-ssi,”
He kept caressing my hair, and down to my cheek. “Yes?” I took his hand from my jawline and held it. “Please, stop this.”
He let out another sigh of disappointment. He looked down at the interwined fingers of mine and his.
“I thought I had made it clear to you. I won’t give up on you, Taeyeon-ssi,” he said, with a kiss on the back of my palm.
“I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I won’t say I won’t feel hurt if you keep pushing me away..” I looked down. Guilt rushed all over me.
“But hey,” he lifted my chin with his slender finger. I looked up, only to find his kind smile, which only made the guilty feelings inside me grew bigger. “I’m a man, Taeyeon-ssi. I’m strong. I’m sure I can bear the pain.”
I could do nothing but only blink and stared at his eyes. I saw nothing but sincerity.
“The pain can wait. But for now..” he leaned closer and pressed his lips against my forehead.
“Let me loving you.”
***
My heart felt like it stopped for a second before thumping like crazy once I saw there was no one at the apartment. It was dead silence.
I gritted my teeth as I ran to the room across mine.
There was..
A wave of relief ran across my blood when I found her room was still the same, with her clothes and stuffs inside.
She didn’t leave.
I slumped myself on my bed, letting my gaze wonder to the ceiling.
What had I done?
What sin had I done that made me have to face this complicated feelings?
It would be so much easier if this morning never came. It would be so much less complicated, much more peaceful if last night lasted forever, with her smilingly snuggled and hugged me.
It would be much better.
But regretting what had happened wouldn’t change things. I realized I had to face this. I had to fix what I had to. I had to clear things with Tiffany.
DING DONG.
Hoping it would be her, I eagerly jumped off my bed and dashed to the door.
“Jang Wooyoung?”
Chapter 10 There.
Right in front of my eyes, stood the man I had never liked, even just the tip of my nail, liking- or even sympathy, never came into my mind when it was for him.
More over, after the mistreating he did to me.
Guys -in my eyes- were separated into three;
First; those simply assholes who had eyes like a hawk when it came to girls’ assets, and had no purpose in their lives but getting into girls’ pants and would simply dump them the next morning.
Second; gays. Though the world, the people seemed like despising them so much, I always thought that gays were so much better than those assholes. Unlike the most of straight men, gays tended to have softer hearts. They were not afraid of letting the tears flow.
Speaking of gay, I didn’t know how to label myself. I never had any interest on those hot chicks, but only Tiffany. Always. So I’d just conclude that I was gay for her.
And the third; the too-good-to-be-true dudes. Like, the guys in the blockbuster romantic movies, who would hold the girl’s hands, saying he really loved her and wanted to exchange the vows on the white veil occasion, or those who would put a love struck smile while knocking the door, hiding a bucket of roses behind.
Sweet, eh?
As for the third category.. I didn’t really know him, but I thought Suho would fit in. Might be. He was the first guy who still hadn’t showed any signs of the first category after two weeks of dating me.
But this guy..
Jang Wooyoung.
He was definitely –undoubtedly-, the first one.
Assholes.
THUD.
I looked down and tried searching the cause of my blocked door. Jang Wooyoung, with his untied dirty Converse, he blocked my door from closing.
How I regretted for closing it and not slamming it closed instead. I could’ve broken his foot and that would be awesome.
I looked up, only to be met by his smirk, which those fangirls would swoon over. But like I said, I was not one of those girls, and would never ever be.
“Not that fast, Taeyeon baby.”
I didn’t know if it was a feeling of protecting myself, or a feeling of disgust. But my hand quickly slapped his hand from my chin.
“Go away.”
He looked at his reddened hand, his other hand preventing the door from closing. “Ouch, harsh.”
My advice when an uninvited visitor named Wooyoung happened to be at the front of your door?
Never ever let your guard down.
Before I even knew what happened, he pushed me by my shoulder inside and closed the door behind, inviting himself in, forcefully.
And I immediately knew I was in a terribly unpleasant situation once I saw that dirty smirk of his grew wider.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
He chuckled in a low tone, sighing with his smirk plastered as he took steps closer to me. I instinctively stepped backwards, trying to be as distant as possible from him.
A gasp escaped my lungs once I realized that there was no any space behind me. My back met the wall.
It was just getting worse when he put his muscular hands against the wall, trapping me between.
He leaned forward and whispered. “Seeking for pleasure.”
“Get fucking lost, Jang Wooyoung.”
“Touchy,” he chuckled right beside my left ear. “But that’s why I like you, baby.” Shivers rushed all over me when I felt a cold palm on my thigh.
SLAP!
“Don’t you dare to touch me with those filthy hands of yours. I had enough. I’m not going to ever give what you fucking want, Jang Wooyoung.”
He groaned, touching his cheek. I could feel his warm breathing as he still didn’t budge from his position. No matter how I pushed him, he still did not. At that moment I swore I’d regularly work out and gave my arms some more strength to knock off these assholes, or at least this perverted guy.
I gasped and involuntary let out a squeal when I was suddenly pushed to the couch.
He hovered over in a blink of eye.
Oh shit, I’d get raped.
“You’re overdoing this, bitch,” he growled with the same lustful, furious eyes I saw the last time I met him; when I dumped him.
“Think twice, bastard. My housemate will be here in no moment and I’m so sure she won’t be delighted when she sees a stranger fucking her housemate. I can guarantee she’ll scream, and in a matter of second the security will approach her.” Out of my expectation he pulled his body away and sat down while arrogantly chuckling.
“Seems like we’re having a misunderstanding here, missy.”
I quickly jumped onto my feet, getting off of the couch and keeping a good distance of him, ready to get my way to the door in any moment.
“Your mind is probably right, I’m here to have some steaming hot, all-night non stop sex.”
I cringed, a half scared half disgusted. I held the knob of the door.
“You are so damn disgusting, Jang Wooyoung-” “But not with you, sweetheart.”
What?
He slowly stood from the couch, dusting himself as he made a way to where I was standing; the door.
“I..” he leaned his elbow against the door above my head, holding my chin up with his finger. I clenched my fist, ready to give him some blow in the face in order to wipe that perverted smirk off of him. “I’m gonna fuck your dear housemate, Taeyeon baby.”
What the hell?
“She had been so down lately.. Wasn’t so hard to get her accepting my date offer with some sweet lines, sweet chocolates, and especially my hot smile. After all
which girl will decline, huh? She was such a naïve girl. Little did she know after this night went dawn I would--”
Full of anger, I pulled him by collar and reversed our position, pushing him to the door with all of my power.
“Don’t you dare to lay a finger on her.” The words spilled out of my clenched teeth.
“Oh, I’m so afraid.” He mocked. “But Taeyeonnie, baby. Can’t you imagine that?” He hung his sentence as he released himself from my grip, and returned me to the previous position, taking the control.
“Can’t you imagine that? Her smooth, trembling body grinding against mine, and along with that husky, arousing sexy voice moaning my name over and over and over.. Begging to be dug deeper and faster--”
“Fuck you, Wooyoung. Shut the fuck up and just get lost.”
“And I couldn’t wait to witness how her sensual red lips open apart, panting and screaming for my name in the end. Oh shit, I’m getting hard just at the thought of it-”
“I said SHUT UP! DON’T YOU SAY ANY OTHER FILTHY THINGS ABOUT HER!”
He laughed, seemingly satisfied with my reaction. Words were not enough
anymore to describe what I felt. I badly wanted to rip his face off and cut her dick until even a chicken would laugh at him.
“Okay. I won’t say it. I’ll just do it.”
“Oh you won’t be able to. I’ll tell her everything you’ve just said.” I returned his smirk in victory. “Moron.”
“Do you think she’ll believe?” he smirked in the same tense as I did. “She told me. After all of the arguments you two had, do you think she will? Remember, my mouth is sweeter than the sweetest honey. I act nothing but all fuckin’ sweet to her.”
“Fuck you, Wooyoung.”
“Me, as a sweet hot date, compared to you, a sucked good-for-nothing housemate, do you think who will win?”
“FUCK YOU!”
“Exactly, I will. There’s no way to stop me, baby.” “Don’t hurt her, you asshole!”
“I won’t, I’ll just make her feel so good, that’s all.”
DING DONG.
I felt a knocking on the door right behind me.Wooyoung instantly released me and put on his fake smile.
It was her.
She seemed surprised. “Oppa? You’re already here?”
He took his hand and kissed the back of her palm. Oh dear, I felt like puking and smashing his damned lips with my shoes.
“I’m just missing you so much, Tiffy. I’ll just wait you at the lobby so you can get prepared, arasso?”
‘Missing you’ my ass. “Okay..”
“I can’t wait for tonight.”
Before he got his ass out of the room, I saw him winking. Not sure whether it was for me or for her. But certainly, it was not a charming one. It was beyond
disgusting which sent shivers down my spine.
The door swung closed, as an awkward silence filled the room.
Her eyes met mine, but as my mouth was about to say a thing, her cold gaze somehow stopped me.
She was still mad.
My heart panged, it hurt. But I wouldn’t let that jerk’s plan work as he’d planned. I held her by wrist when she was passing me.
“What?” she retorted, with a high-pitched and a rather annoyed face. “We need to talk, Tiffany.”
“I don’t think there’s-” “You need to listen.” “I-”
“Please.”
Chapter 11 I didn’t know.
I didn’t know what had just actually happened around me –with her, and myself. Everything was so in a mess. Everything was unimaginable.
And it all happened so fast.
That funny stir in my stomach, that feeling of tightening in my chest.. I felt those.
For me, she was the definition of beauty. She was the definition of everlasting youth; Kim Taeyeon was.
If you were to find a lady whose grin was as dorky as an elementary kid, yet had a laugh like a middle-aged woman, my housemate got to be her.
I wouldn’t want to face the mirror if she were beside me –I’d look surprisingly older than her. When actually, she was the older one. Despite the fact that she – most of the time- acted younger than her age, she was still, the older one.
Thus, there was a sense of maturity beyond her beauty, which I admired so much.
Feeling glad whenever she was around, wrapping her slender arms around me softly whilst letting me do the same, was an understatement.
There was a certain feeling beyond a plain happiness.
Words were not really enough to describe it. I felt like it was okay if the world were to come to the doom tomorrow, as long as she held me tight. As long as she would not let me go, I would be able to face it.
Or when she ran her warm palm across my hair, stroking it gently and resting her chin on the top of my head, while faintly whispering that she was there, she was with me, and everything would be all right.. It stopped me from feeling afraid –it killed every worry in me.
Wasn’t really a good thing though, as I found myself being rather dependent to her. But she –as the older one- seemingly didn’t really mind. Her arms were always open for me.
And whenever she pressed her soft lips against my forehead and wished me a sweet dream before turning the light off and closing the door, there was tingling warmth inside -which made a stupid smile unconsciously came across my face.
I..
I felt loved.
Through every dating games and breaking ups, I still happened to find no one. No one was able to fulfill the greedy of love in me, but her.
Even Nichkhun, the one I had been hanging out with like my own brother, he couldn’t.
Shecould.
Losing my mother when I was thirteen and having a father that was in the other continent, I realized that inside, I had always been longing for it.
I had always been longing for love.
She said the word to me, although not in the most romantic way. She didn’t say it while handing a rose, nor even smiling. Come to think about it again, she didn’t even say it –she shouted it at my face, before slamming off the door.
I deserved it. But at the same time, I didn’t.
I knew, she just wanted to do nothing but protect me. She wanted me not to get hurt.
I might have just listened to her and agreed right away, if.. If her boyfriend didn’t show up, I thought I might just obey her words and simply delete Jang Wooyoung from my contact.
We were housemates. I told her every time I’d go out for a date, with whom and where.
But she.. She never told me.
I felt stupid.
I thought I knew everything about her. Eventually, I wasn’t.
How many boyfriends had she had before? And with this one.. When did they start dating? How many dates had they gone together? Did she kiss him? Did they.. Did they do it already?
Somewhere, deep, deep inside, I kept hoping she did not. And would not.
It might sound selfish, I knew it sounded stupid, even so..
I wanted her to love no one but me.
I..
Sigh.
Was it called jealousy? Or was it just a pure egoism of mine?
I had no idea.
She was the only one that could make my question my own heart. She made me hesitate with my own mind.
Kim Taeyeon, what had you done to me?
My eyes followed every move of her lips, while being held by my shoulders. Her eyebrows knitted in worry, her eyes glinted with concern, and I could see it all.
Her voice, and every word she said was nothing but sincerity.
She pleaded, for me to believe in her.
My eyes grew wide. My heart throbbed in pain the moment she fell onto her knees, holding on my hands. She cried.
And it crushed me.
Even if what she had just said was all lies, being fooled by her was a million times better than ignoring her and ending up like how she said.
Jang Wooyoung –I barely even knew him. His name, and his number were all I knew. And he, he was just another suitor of mine. Nothing else.
So accepting his offer was not based in any romantic feelings nor chemistry. He was just an excuse, for avoiding her.
It would be a lie if her confession didn’t make a part of my little heart swell in joy. But I..
I needed time. It was complicated to me.
It would probably better not to confront her and get myself confused with what I felt. At least, for tonight.
But after what I had just heard, cancelling the suppose-to-be-date and deleting Jang Wooyoung from the contact, instantly become the wisest things to do.
So I did.
***
It wasn’t as easy as taking candy from a kid, though.
He -as expected- made a scene. Yelling the words I didn’t really expect to come from a guy that had been leaving gifts in the locker.
The memories of the roses, chocolates, and those stick notes with romantic lines I swore I’d read somewhere in the internet, were all washed away by the foul
languages flowing out of his mouth.
Shewas right. I could’ve got raped.
Shivers rushed all over my skin at the thought.
The security of the lobby approached in a matter of seconds, after his palm landed on my cheek when I repeated how she referred him. She had to hate this guy much –I had never heard her calling people with names.
Despite the burning feeling on my skin, it was evoking a hatred for him to think that he did what he wasn’t supposed to do to her. It angered me to imagine that he had done something inappropriate to her.
Witnessing how pathetic and hopeless that guy when he was being dragged out by the two bulky securities, and how he ended landing on his bum as he got thrown, was one interesting show.
A smirk of victory formed in the corner of my lips as I pressed the lift button.
He totally deserved it.
***
DING.
927.
The room was dark. And dead silence. Just like the last minute I left it.
I put my pink slippers on and was about to switch on the light of the living room when I heard a soft, yet sorrowful sniff and sobs.
Biting my lower lip in guilt, I made my way to her room. I clenched my fists, didn’t care if they were turning white. All I cared about was her.
The door was closed. Yet her sobs still could be heard.
“..Taeyeon-ah?”
As soon as I called her, the sobbing stopped. I knew, she only tried to act strong.
And there was another dead drop silence, which I swore would kill me sooner or later if I didn’t break it.
I opened the door slowly, trying to make less creak than it usually did. And I found her room was pitch dark as well.
Even so, I could still spot her laying on the bed with her back facing me, as the moonlight somehow shone brightly tonight, getting through the window.
It was inaudible, but I bet she still had the tears flowing out as her petite shoulder slightly trembled.
I could feel nothing but guilt. It hurt me badly to see her being weak, and moreover, the reason was me.
I knew, fingers were not enough anymore to count the times I hurt her,
occasionally shouting at her like a bitch I was. I was an ass. And it would be better if she occasionally shouted back at me, or even slapping some sense back into me.
But she never did. She was an angel, and I was the opposite. She never said her mind out, and I did the otherwise.
We were different. I was not the good one, I acknowledged. But yet, she never left me.
If she thought I didn’t aware of her sobbing after the dates I had, she was wrong. I just.. I just did not know what to do. I hadn’t known how I felt.
Okay, probably I had known. I was just.. Unsure.
I had been drowning in my own confusion and hesitation.
But now.. After she finally told
me-I knew it. And me-I had never been so sure in my life about it.
“Taeyeon-ah,”
I climbed onto her narrow bed, searching for a comfortable spot for myself as I snaked my arms around her waist like I used to do.
I nuzzled my nose on her back, inhaling her sweet, calming scent. Closing my eyes as I did.
“I’m so sorry..”
She didn’t reply, like usual. But I knew she had forgiven me in her silence.
“And I..” I hugged her.
Tighter, pouring all of my feelings in my arms.
I didn’t know how I truly felt, I didn’t know if my feelings could be compared to hers, but I knew that
