9:30-10:20a SESSION TWO
DIGGING DEEPER - GETTING TO THE HEART
Testimony – Kelsey
- Let’s talk about emotional needs. As humans, we all have certain basic and universal emotional needs.
o These can be things like love, acceptance, security, care, inclusion,
supported, valued, understood, intimacy/closeness, sense of purpose, etc... o Question #2 ON WORKSHEET Interactive – Choose your top 3 emotional
needs in order of 1-3. ASK: Is anyone willing to share their top 3? Ask who else chose “love”, “acceptance”, “security”, etc…
o There’s nothing bad about these…it’s how God made us BUT it’s wrong to find these fulfilled in people rather than God Himself.
o We often take our needs to the wrong place believing another person or thing is able and/or responsible to fill a void they were never intended to fill.
o Sometimes these needs and how they’re met become obsessive, compulsive or addictive.
o When we look to people/things for satisfaction, we realize—it may work! At least for a little while. Over time, the void gets louder and stronger, it starts making more demands and then we find ourselves angry and frustrated because someone or something is not living up to our expectations.
o People are often in “emotional survivorship” mode. They will do anything and everything to get what they want or think they need.
o We all know the stories: A young woman didn’t receive enough love from her father so she looks for it in all the wrong places. A young man didn’t receive enough love and security from his mother so he struggles with being emotionally detached within his relationships.
o Even the very best of parents will have children who struggle with these very issues. Interactive – Why? (b/c our sin nature twists how we take in information)
o Additionally, recognizing what we didn’t receive growing up can often cause us to want to “create” the opposite within our own lives/family (which can lead to us putting our identity in spouse, children,
▪ Ex: Maybe I didn’t have love and acceptance growing up so I’m doing everything I can to create a loving/accepting environment for my family. My family is my world.
- These needs are very powerful and I even submit that they make up a significant part of our core belief system.
- The Bible, science and psychology all agree that our behavior stems from our core belief system.
- We live out of our beliefs and our desires. "The soul has no secret that the behavior does not reveal"
- Digging deeper we find that we do what we do because we believe what we believe. We feel what we feel because we believe what we believe!
o Proverbs 4:23 “Keep your heart with all diligence for out of it are the issues of life.”
o Luke 6:43, 45 “For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit, 44 for each tree is known by its own fruit…The good
person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of the evil treasure produces evil. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”
o “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:4-5 o “Blessed is the man that walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor
stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the Lord and in His law he meditates day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither and whatsoever he does shall prosper. The ungodly are not so but are like the chaff which the wind drives away.” Psalm 1:1-5
o So the root of our behavior is our belief system. EVERYTHING flows from the heart (our belief…our identity).
- Our life experiences are filtered through our sin nature and our beliefs become our worldview.
o It’s how we make sense of the world. (“rose-colored glasses” – again, it’s about having a “filter”. Ever met a person who’s always positive OR one who’s always negative? A person who’s always the victim – nothing’s ever their fault, etc…)
o Maybe you didn’t feel loved or accepted as a child, your core belief may be filtered as “I’m unlovable” or “No one wants me”.
- These beliefs become our inner voice (which can be conscious or subconscious). It’s how we internally talk to ourselves (both negatively and positively).
- Again, we find that we do what we do because we believe what we believe. We feel what we feel because we believe what we believe! (EXPLAIN
ROOT/FRUIT images)
- Good or bad, these core beliefs are foundational to life and they dictate what we do and how we feel (fruit).
- Question #3 ON WORKSHEET Interactive - Look at the top 3 emotional needs you wrote down.
o Write down the person(s) in your life that you look to on a regular basis to supply these emotional needs.
o What happens when that person does not meet that need? ▪ How do you respond? How do you feel?
- Question #4 ON WORKSHEET Interactive- Now write down the person(s) in your life that you try To Provide a need for.
o Maybe you try to be the ultimate protector (to provide safety/security for someone).
o Maybe you try to be the ultimate love so they’ll never look in another place for it. You just want them to feel complete in your love.
- Now that we’ve identified some key people, let’s get to the heart of what we’re really doing.
At the heart of it: - It’s about US.
- We may try to fool ourselves and others by telling ourselves that what we’re doing is for the other person (whatever it is) but in reality, it's for US.
o We become controlling, smothering, domineering not because we love the other person so much but because we’re afraid to lose what we think we own.
o We become success-obsessed not because we want to provide for our family but because we want to prove our value/worth to people.
o We won’t address conflict not because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings but because we want to protect ourselves from rejection if they get angry. We need their love or acceptance.
- If we’re looking to people for identity, we're not really loving them - we're loving ourselves!
o Romans 1:18-25 “For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. 19 For what can be known about God is plain to them,
because God has shown it to them. 20 For his invisible attributes, namely,
his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world,[g] in the things that have been made. So
they are without excuse. 21 For although they knew God, they did not
honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Claiming to be wise,
they became fools, 23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for
images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things.
24 Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity,
to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, 25 because they
exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator.”
▪ Interactive - What did the people begin to worship?
▪ When the Scripture says ‘we worship created things’, it’s talking about us. WE are the created things. I’m not a people-pleaser because other people are so wonderful and worth worship. No, I’m the one who gets something from it. People like me more or I feel more accepted. In these moments, I am worshipping mySelf! ▪ Instead of serving people because we love them, we serve them so
that they'll love US or because there’s some kind of pay out for US. ▪ These kinds of relationships are never healthy. They’re
“transactional”. I’ll do for you so you’ll do for me. ▪ At the heart, it’s IDOLOTRY.
▪ People become gods to us or we try to be gods for other people. • Question #5 ON WORKSHEET – According to what we’ve learned (and the answers to the questions you wrote), who might be your “god(s)”?
• Food for thought: Why would we want other self-worshipping people as our gods? Why would we want to give another human that much power and control in our lives?
• If we think about Identity as imaging, it reminds me of a carnival house of mirrors. People become gods to us or we try to be gods for other people BUT in reality, at the core, WE are our own god because this is really about us and we’re worshipping Self.
▪ Lest we think negative self-talk, isn’t technically “worshipping or loving ourselves”…when the scriptures say we worship ourselves, it’s NOT about positives or negatives but rather it’s too much focus on Self. It’s being self-absorbed. It’s constantly thinking about self. ▪ Remember, there are only two types of people in the world.
• Imagers of Adam AND Imagers of God
• Imagers of Adam are those who worship and serve Self and Imagers of God are those who worship and serve God. • When God saves us…the spiritual battle begins which is to
put to death the worship and service of Self and choosing to worship and serve God instead. It’s the flesh vs the spirit. The old man vs the new man. The old creature vs the new creature. Being In Christ or In Adam. (on ppt share the other “names” these two go by in scriptures)
• Galatians 5:24 says “and those who belong to Christ have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires”
• Luke 9:23 says “if anyone would come after me, let him deny himSelf, take up his cross daily and follow me.”
o How often is the fight? daily
- This idolatry (worship of Self) is what we might call an “identity crisis”. A real identity crisis is when we have a flawed belief system (which then results in certain ongoing behaviors that sometimes last throughout our entire lives.) - So, what do we really need? We need changed beliefs which lead to changed
behaviors (remember root/fruit principle).
o When there are things in life we want to change, it must be done from the inside out…not the outside in. There has to be a change of heart/mind.
o This is what the Bible calls “repentance”. Repentance must come first. ▪ Question #6 ON WORKSHEET – At the heart of it, who are we
really worshipping?
▪ Question #7 ON WORKSHEET - What do we need to repent of? Worship of Self.
o “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind…” Romans 12:2
▪ Renew means to refresh or restore. Our minds have been extremely damaged by sin (remember we have a sin filter!) so our minds must be restored in order for us to think the way God wants us to think. ▪ This is only done by the Spirit through the Word and much prayer.
This is the mechanism God has chosen for repentance. There’s no other way. No person can convince you. Repentance must be by the Spirit of God working in our hearts and it’s often carried out
because of the prayer of the saints.
▪ This is the most permanent solution to our identity problems. - So what we’ve learned is a good and Godly belief system helps us form a proper
sense of self.
Why Does Knowing Our Identity Even Matter?
- It matters because a change in our perspective (especially on identity) can change outcomes in this life and can change how we feel.
o Some people don’t really want to fix the root issue they just want to “feel” better.
▪ This is the problem with psychology. It’s pretty decent at helping see some root issues a lot of times but psychology in itself doesn’t have permanent fixes only temporary ones… usually behavioral modifications or medication.
• Don’t hear me saying medication is always bad. Some people need it.
• But don’t hear me saying medication is always good.
Medication “numbs” us to feeling things BUT emotion is one of God’s ways of showing us that something is very wrong. o Phil 4:8-9 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable,
whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9 What you have learned[e] and received
and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”
▪ Somewhere I read “what we think we create”. I can see truth in that statement.
▪ When we meditate on things that upset us, we feel sad. When we meditate on things we enjoy, we feel happy.
▪ Changing what we think and meditate on changes what we do and how we feel.
- It matters because knowing who we are, defines our purpose.
o Remember, God wants to be the One who gives us identity and purpose but we often try to find it ourselves.
o Interactive - What are some ways people try to find their own purpose? ▪ Ex: quite their job/family and start out on a journey to “find
themselves”
▪ Ex: join religious groups or practice meditation/yoga or other ▪ Ex: seek direction from trusted mentors
o We need to determine if we want to be defined by God or by the world. ▪ If defined by the world or people, it means:
• Our identity beliefs are dangerous and can be damaging physically, emotionally and spiritually.
o Anyone ever deal with nervous stomach, anxiety or high blood pressure, etc…
• When we live by Adam’s image or identity, we end up living lives within a false reality…things that are just not authentic or true. Things that won’t last. Temporary. ▪ BUT if our purpose is defined by God, it means:
• Our identity beliefs are based on God’s truth which is real and safe. A purpose that is eternal.
• We have a different focus (something other than Self).
o God defines our purpose in I Peter 2:9b which says it is so that “you may
proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.”
▪ In other words, He has given us our identity in order that HIS identity might be proclaimed to the world through us.
▪ God made us who we are SO THAT we could make known who He is. He desires that His excellency be made known through us in order to draw others to Himself and to proclaim His glory.
▪ If we aren’t living to proclaim His excellence, more than likely we’re proclaiming our own. That’s the way of humanity. The way of those In Adam.
o Understanding our God-given purpose as children of God helps us live out His particular calling and identity.
▪ The question is “Do we want to”? Do we want to know our purpose and live out of our godly calling? If the answer is “no”, then we need to have a completely different conversation. ▪ If the answer is “yes” then we need to dig deep to find out why
we do what we do. What do we believe? Who are we at our core? (only 2 answers to this)
- Why else does would knowing about Identity matter? It matters because if we aren’t aware of who we truly are in Christ, it’s easy to get sidetracked and it’s easy for the enemy to make us believe lies about ourselves and God. Remember he’s the great deceiver.
o Interactive - What are some common lies Satan would have us believe? o Convincing us of these things makes us ineffective in our faith and does
not meet our emotional needs. It fights against that.
o Since the enemy’s main goal for us as Christians is to keep us from being effective in our faith, it’s only logical to assume that he enjoys attacking our identity as God’s children.
o It doesn’t take much to get us off track.
- Another great quote by Paul Tripp, “While we think “we need” our lives to be comfortable, successful and predictable, God is willing to compromise all of these in order to deal with our deepest difficulty – our own sin. BUT God has not forgotten His children. He has not singled anyone out for particular abuse. He is near and He is active. In love, He is working on our biggest problem and He will not stop working until the job is done.”
- Before we move on, is everything making senses?
o Does it make sense that the things we think about and meditate on become the basis for how we experience life?
o Does it make sense that the basis for what we think is grounded or rooted in one of the two identities?
DO ACTIVITY – 2 identities *Do activity where people are putting labels on the 2 identities (2 volunteers and use crown/get devil horns as imagery; use descriptors from verses describing those in Adam/in Christ from book of Eph)
Video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6ziGd1KHa8 (5 minutes)
Draw 3 door prizes.
Break 10:20-10:30a
