Total Orga

Copyright © 1973 by Jack Lee Rosenberg

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions

First printing: February 1 9 7 3 , 1,500

copies in cloth

50,000 copies in paperback

Second printing: December 1975, 25,000

copies in paperback

Illustrated by Joseph Jaqua

Typeset by Vera Allen Composition Service, Castro Valley, California

(special thanks to Vera and D o r o t h y )

Art E d i t o r : Anne Kent Rush

Special E d i t o r : Pat Rosenberg

T y p i s t : Julanne Crockett

Photograph of J a c k Rosenberg by J o h n Pearson

This b o o k is co-published by

R a n d o m House Inc.

201 East 50th Street

New York, N.Y. 10022

and The

Bookworks

2 0 4 3 Francisco Street

Berkeley, California 9 4 7 0 9

Distributed in the United States by R a n d o m House, and simultaneously published

in Canada by R a n d o m House of Canada Limited, T o r o n t o

Please o r d e r from Random House.

Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data

Rosenberg, Jack Lee,

1932-Total Orgasm.

to Said

and a special thanks to

Phil C u r c u r u t o ,

my Reichian therapist, from w h o m I have

gained a great deal of knowledge.

Preface to the Second Edition

Since the publication of T O T A L ORGASM in 1973 I have been very pleased

with the response that readers have given me by mail and directly in my workshops.

Many of the letters c o m m e n t e d t h a t the exercises and concepts outlined here were

useful: to some they were earth-shattering.

The greatest enthusiasm has c o m e from therapists and counselors in the

sexual field, w h o see this b o o k as a reference or a guide to their work. This

acceptance is most gratifying and rewarding to me. T h a n k y o u .

My thanks also to Brev Sinclair w h o devised the chart of exercises found on

page 214 in this edition. It should greatly simplify remembering the sequence of

exercises and therefore make their practice easier.

Jack Lee Rosenberg

1975

In the Beginning

1

Some Principles 7

How to Work

13

Breathing and Movement 21

Orgasm 29

Exercising Alone 37

Preliminaries for Working with a Partner 99

Working with a Partner 109

Masturbation 163

Joining Together 173

How to Lose your Mind 187

Religion and Sex - Spirituality and Orgasm 199

How the Book Came to Be

209

Publisher's Note:

This edition of Total Orgasm includes a chart of exercises,

found on page 2 1 4 , which should be a great help both in

giving at a glance an overview of the work and in providing

a handy tear-out reference page to the structure of the

work in progress.

In the Beginning

there was a man and a woman, and they came together and begat children,

and we've been doing it ever since. But now that peopling the earth is no

longer an urgent goal — in fact it's rather frowned upon in some circles — .the

serious work of that coming together is removed, and we are left with the pure

pleasure of it.

For many people, sexual union is barren of pleasure; an obligation, a

performance maybe, but barren of real personal pleasure. For others, there is a

continual desire for m o r e and deeper pleasure coupled with the nagging thought

that there is no such thing. If you feel that your present sexual relationship is

okay, normal, good or excellent, but you wish to explore the possibility of

making it even better, then this book may be for you.

The book assumes that having an orgasm is a natural body event —

much like sneezing - and, like many body events, is a kind of reflex action.

Given the right conditions, y o u r orgasm will just happen; all you will have to

do once the conditions are set up is go along with it. But, in order to go along

with an orgasm, you have to know how to set up the right conditions. I offer

here a set of exercises which can do just t h a t . You will learn to use your

breathing and certain movements to build tension and energy in your body in a

pattern which simulates the movements that automatically precede an orgasm,

that, in fact, have to be present for complete orgasm. As you practice this

pattern, you will begin to get in touch with excitement, tension and other

body feelings which until now you may n o t have known you had. As you

recreate this excitement again and again in your exercises, you will learn how

to allow yourself to tolerate more excitement, more pleasure than you could

before.

Finally, I will show you how to take this increased capacity for

pleasure and excitement, and join with your partner to develop even more

excitement which can culminate in a complete involvement together - both

psychically and physically — and in the enjoyment and poetry of a total

orgasm.

It is possible - with time and practice - to have orgasms that are not

limited in feeling to your genital area alone, but that fill your entire body and

psyche; orgasms that will leave you nourished and fulfilled as never before;

orgasms which are not forced in any way, but which are a natural body event.

In fact, as you practice these exercises, you may come to see that previously

you attained an orgasm by pushing on yourself, and that this very pushing

blocked any intensity in the orgasm which resulted.

This book is not a sex manual and not a therapy or substitute for

therapy. There are many books offering " 1 0 2 new positions" or urging us to

drop our inhibitions and give ourselves permission to do " a n y t h i n g that feels

o k a y . " Many of these are certainly useful and valid, but after I had gotten

comfortable with the conviction that anything is all right, I wondered where I

could go to improve on "all right" and make it better. What I offer here is the

result of my own search for answers to personal sex questions together with

years of experience

teaching the exercises at Gestalt awareness training

workshops and with private patients.

I have drawn into this book elements from Gcstalt awareness training,

dance and movement therapies (primarily the work of Ann Halprin), basic body

therapies such as that of Wilhelm

Reich and bio-energetic

therapy, the

structural patterning concepts of Ida Rolf and Moshe Feldenkrais, some asanas

(exercises) from Hatha Yoga, plus my personal experience and experimentation

as a therapist. All this energy is organized into the book.

In Gestalt awareness we teach that in order to change any way of being,

it is necessary to first become aware of what you are doing now, how you

stop yourself, how you prevent yourself from actualizing y o u r own potential. We

emphasize taking responsibility for your own behavior by gaining awareness of

what is happening; then you have a choice whether to continue what you are

doing or change it. The key is the concept that until you are aware of what

you are doing you have no choice but to continue doing it. The exercises in

this book allow y o u to experience how y o u stop yourself from building

excitement and tension and pleasure during intercourse. Once you can feel h o w

you block yourself, you will have the option to change those blockages.

I have drawn from Dr. Moshe Feldenkrais the concept of "self-image":

how because each of us behaves according to an image we have of ourselves,

we acquire an overly limited idea of what we can be like and what we can d o ,

both

with our lives and with our bodies. When the individual repeatedly

experiences a certain difficulty, he usually a b a n d o n s the activity that he has

found hard to master, at which he has not succeeded, or that has proved

disagreeable in some way. He establishes a rule for himself, saying, for instance,

"1

cannot learn to d a n c e , " or "I am not sociable by n a t u r e , " or "I shall never

understand m a t h e m a t i c s . " T h e limits that he thus sets for himself will stop his

development not only in fields that he has decided to abandon but also in

other areas; they may even influence his entire personality.

We learn how we are to behave in o u r sexual relations, particularly in

an orgasm, and we respond to that image of behavior more than to our

feelings. The movement exercises in the book will allow you to experience the

orgastic reflex as feelings; you will be able to begin to replace your image of

an orgasm with your real experience.

The flow of movement leading to the orgastic reflex is like a dance, and

I owe the greatest gratitude to Ann Halprin, a beautiful person and dancer,

who shared with me her w o r k in rhythmic movement and breath timing. This

allowed me to develop movements directly associated with the orgastic reflex.

Wilhelm Reich spent his life developing, a m o n g other things, a

psychology of the b o d y . He translated many of Freud's psychological concepts

into body concepts, then worked directly with these bodily expressions. He felt

that y o u express psychic trauma in y o u r b o d y through muscular patterns and

tensions, and his therapy included working with a person's breathing to directly

effect the autonomic or "vegetative" nervous system. I have drawn from

Reich's work his theoretical way of seeing energy flow in the body, and the

idea of developing tolerance to pleasurable feelings.

Hatha Yoga is the yoga of the b o d y ; it is the art of letting go slowly,

of allowing yourself to be relaxed. Many of the exercise positions 1 use are

from Yoga; along with these I borrow the attitude of allowing your body to

move in an unaccustomed way.

Tantric Yoga, the yoga of achieving enlightenment through sexual union,

is for the most part not suited to Westerners, since it takes many years to

master, b u t it contributes a t h e o r y of psychic joining that is useful to us here

and which I will enlarge upon later.

The b o o k is an eclectic collection of useful tools; w h a t holds them

together is that they work.

Mountains of literature have been produced on the subject of sex, some

heavy t e x t b o o k s full of scientific data, some offering advice, many sex manuals

or how-to-do-it books offering the reader detailed instructions for having

intercourse, pleasing a partner or just general information. These books all

assume that if you follow steps o n e , two and three, your sex life will blossom.

I have found this attitude hopelessly unrealistic. My viewpoint is that each

person must take the responsibility for his own sexual pleasure, and, in view of

individual differences, that there can be no set procedure. Each person must

Most sex manuals tend to concentrate your attention upon pleasuring

your partner; I want to show you how to give pleasure to yourself. While it is

desireable to bring pleasure to a partner, it is easy to fall into a "performance

t r a p " where you find yourself always working to please the other person. In my

experience, this is a good means of increasing your tension, b u t n o t y o u r

enjoyment of sex. It can be injurious to both persons if it shifts the

responsibility of excitement to someone or something else.

SPECIAL H E A L T H PROBLEMS

if you are currently undergoing t r e a t m e n t for a serious physical or

psychological

problem, such as heart

disease where any excitement is

prohibited, or if you are in any psychotherapy that may be disturbed by

arousing your feelings or excitement, show this b o o k to your doctor before

you begin. These exercises will lead you to get in touch with feelings and

emotions which will increase your breathing and your excitement, if your

doctor or therapist feels

that

this

could

work against your professional

treatment, follow y o u r d o c t o r ' s advice; d o n ' t do the exercises. Although I have

had some very good results in my workshops using these exercises with

non-orgastic women - helping them to begin to experience how to be

multi-orgastic - and with men who have trouble with premature ejaculation, I

wish to emphasize that this is n o t a b o o k for anyone w h o has severe sex

problems . . . that is, a n y o n e w h o is suffering from continual i m p o t e n c e , the

inability to achieve an erection, or any o the r problem that makes regular

intercourse impossible. Such problems are b e y o n d the scope of the b o o k , and

should be brought to the attention of a therapist.

Some Principles

Your success with these exercises will be based on how much you can allow

yourself to get in t o u c h with your body sensations and your feelings - to

relax and open yourself to y o u r natural feeling of aliveness and flowing energy,

the same energy and aliveness that you experience as sexual excitement. There

can be no formulas or instructions to show you how to do this. However,

there are several basic principles or concepts which underlie and guide this

work. It would be well for you to have them in mind before you begin.

First of all, understand that the information you need is inside you.

The information is n o t in this book and c a n n o t be in any book, because it is

y o u r experience of the excitement of being alive and of allowing your

excitement to be expressed in many ways in y o u r life, your work, y o u r play

and particularly in your sexual relationships. What you need is to get in touch

with this excitement. This you can do by practicing the movements and

breathing that will allow you to feel and to learn' to tolerate, a little at a time,

the excitement a n d motion that come naturally during the sexual experience.

One way to describe how you get in touch with these feelings is to say that

you will just allow them to happen. You let your feelings go.

As you work on these exercises, y o u will experience body sensations

and perhaps e m o t i o n s that seem to spring up from nowhere. You will

encounter feelings which surprise you, such as j o y , excitement, loneliness, fear,

anger, grief and others. It is important to realize that since you are trying to

get in touch with y o u r feelings, you should view these experiences as signs of

success, as clear markers that you are getting deeper in touch with yourself.

Often people are caught by surprise by the strength and the sudden appearance

of feelings they didn't know they felt. Therefore their response is to hold on,

to resist the feelings, to want to pull back to more familiar ground, to want to

regain control of themselves. Try n o t to do this. A good orgasm presupposes

loss of c ontrol. Let your natural body reflex take over. Go with your body;

try to get into whatever feelings w a n t to come out. T h o u g h such an experience

may be unfamiliar to you at first, you will quickly see that y o u r body is only

living o u t a natural, healthy response and that the strong e m o t i o n s you n o w

feel will pass in a while.

If you work on these exercises and feel nothing — something is wrong;

y o u are holding on too tight. However, it is difficult to speak for another

person. D o n ' t be afraid to innovate for yourself. If, as you work with the

exercises, y o u get an impulse or feeling to do a certain thing differently than 1

suggest, or to try something new — do it. But keep in mind the basic

principles of the book. So long as it leads you toward increased feelings in

y o u r body and emotions you can't be on the wrong track. In fact, you very

well may be on the only track that will work for you.

A n o t h e r important principle

underlying this work is your attitude

toward pleasure. The way to have a better orgasm is to allow yourself to feel

pleasure. Did you ever ask yourself "I wonder if I should enjoy t h a t " and then

decide n o t to? You may find, as you work through this book, that you have

difficulty allowing yourself to feel good - in both mind and b o d y . In your

head you begin to d o u b t whether y o u ought to be doing these exercises at all;

in y o u r b o d y , as you move and breathe and get a pleasant sensation traveling

up or down y o u r b o d y , you tense u p , stop breathing, and just go through the

motions.

You may as well face the fact that these exercises will put you in

touch with a strong resistance to your own pleasure. Part of the purpose of the

book is to help you to build a tolerance to pleasure a n d excitement. Some

people feel that if they really let .go and enjoy themselves sexually n o w , they'll

have nothing left for the future. In our culture it is considered " a d u l t " to

postpone pleasure and " s a v e " some for t o m o r r o w . . . if you eat all your cake

now, you w o n ' t have it when y o u ' r e hungry so you let it sit a r o u n d until it

molds, and then y o u d o n ' t have it anyway. Others secretly fear that they will

die of over-pleasure; in fact in some languages the orgasm is referred to as " t h e

little d e a t h , " recognizing the orgasm's similarity to the ultimate "letting g o " —

death, if you can identify these feelings in yourself n o w , you are beginning to

get

in touch with how you're stopping yourself from the feeling of total

orgasm.

In sex, the notion of postponing pleasure is self-defeating, because it

means your excitement will be shut off just as it begins to build. For a clear

idea of how to go with your excitement, watch a child at play. Children

literally let their excitement carry them away. Adults are " c o n t r o l l e d " children.

You control yourself by deadening your emotional responses. In fact, there's a

really interesting thing you can do. Watch the excitement of a child at play,

and imitate that excitement . . . let yourself j u m p and move and scratch. T h e n ,

slow it down . . . a little at a time; now move half as fast. Continue to slow

your movement d o w n , and you will find that your bodily movements, such as

scratching your leg, moving your foot, turning your head etc., are really the

same movements that the child makes in exaggerated form, and you have just

controlled in yourself. Think of the meaning of the phrase "be c o o l . " H o w do

you " c o n t r o l " your excitement? Always by restricting your movements and

your breathing. For instance, stop reading for a m o m e n t and breathe normally.

Become aware of y o u r breathing . . . relaxed and quiet. Now stand up and try

moving your hips in a circle (this is a warm-up exercise used in Tai Chi) . . .

forward, side, back, side . . . all around in a smooth circle, again, and again, for

about a minute. Now, what a b o u t y o u r breathing? If you're like most people,

y o u are n o w breathing in restricted pants from your chest. Your abdominal

muscles are drawn up tight. No breath can reach your a b d o m e n . In fact, your

pelvis, which is moving, cannot breathe. You have blocked y o u r breath from

getting down into your pelvis. You have also blocked any sensations or feelings

from getting into the area. You have constricted y o u r muscles, separating

breathing from m o t i o n , blocking your feelings. You have " c o n t r o l l e d " yourself.

But, of course, the Tai Chi practitioner doesn't have this problem. It is

anatomically possible for everyone to breathe and move his pelvis at the same

time. In fact, that is just what my exercises are all about. When you move and

breathe in this way, you will turn yourself on — not because you are

performing for anyone else or for an image of what you might look like, but

because this breathing and motion will really feel good to you.

Perhaps you experience no difficulty with y o u r breathing . . . perhaps

the Tai Chi exercise came easily for you . . . perhaps you are one of the lucky

ones who can have pleasure easily. For instance, I have a friend who says she

is multi-orgastic. She has as many orgasms as she wants, and she says, "I don't

do all that breathing stuff to have an orgasm. I don't know what you're talking

a b o u t . I just go off, and go off, and go off, and it's like a spiral. I keep going

higher and higher. I d o n ' t understand why you're writing all this stuff about

breathing and everything." I began to question her. What she does,

automatically, when she starts the foreplay of sex, is to breathe hard, yelling

and making noise (she's very extroverted), and she really puts her whole body

into her sexual experience before she starts having intercourse, before

penetration. She has, unfortunately, been charged with disturbing the peace and

has been asked to move by more than one landlady, b u t she has no shortage

of pleasure in her life. If you are like her, you do not need this book, just a

good lawyer!

Finally, the work in this b o o k is an awareness training exercise. By

beginning to experience (not think about) how you move, breathe and feel

during intercourse, you will get to know yourself better and will open up the

possibility of moving away from patterns which have previously blocked your

pleasure. Even if y o u decide n o t to incorporate these exercises i n t o y o u r

orgasmic pattern or your sex life, by reading this book you will have thought

about what your present pattern is, what you feel like in intercourse, where

and when you are tense or tired a n d w h e t h e r y o u are really willing to let

yourself enjoy yourself. By doing this, you will have made a big step toward

loving yourself a little m o r e . You will have gotten in touch with where you are

now, and you will have seen that perhaps there is a choice for you. Follow

your feelings and see where you go.

How to Work

Some of the exercises in the book are to be done alone; o t h e r s are

done with a partner. Since these two kinds of exercises are somewhat different,

I have put t h e m into separate sections of the b o o k . You will be working alone

for a week or more before you begin work with your partner. It is a good idea

to have y o u r partner begin his or her solitary work at the same time you d o .

That way both of you will be at about the same place when you begin your

work together. However, d o n ' t work alone together, or in any other situation

in which you'll have to be aware of another person. Instead, try to get your

head into a place where y o u can have a good time with yourself alone — doing

something for yourself, spending time on yourself, not wanting to accomplish

anything, n o t trying to learn anything, just allowing yourself to " b e . "

Such an a t t i t u d e may be a luxury to y o u ; you may n o t be in the habit

of being good to yourself. It's a fine habit to cultivate, though it may take

time before you can really relax into it. But start n o w . Pleasing yourself is an

absolute must for better sex .. . be greedy!

When you try to push for something, when y o u set yourself a goal, or

try to solve a problem in this kind of w o r k , t h a t ' s when you're b o u n d to be

defeated. Success in the pleasure of sex requires that you allow yourself to

enjoy- Just try to let yourself go into these exercises. They are for your whole

body, not your head.

O n c e y o u g e t i n t o t h e s o l i t a r y e x e r c i s e s y o u m a y b e g i n t o feel s o m e c h a n g e s i n y o u r b o d y p a t t e r n s o r m o v e m e n t . P e r h a p s t h e c h a n g e s will b e slight a t first, b u t t h e y ' l l b e e n o u g h f o r y o u t o g e t t h e feel o f w h a t t h i s a p p r o a c h i s all a b o u t . P e r h a p s y o u ' l l p a y m o r e a t t e n t i o n t o y o u r s e x u a l e x p e r i e n c e , feel less t e n s e ; p e r h a p s y o u ' l l b r e a t h e m o r e e a s i l y ; p e r h a p s y o u ' l l b e m o r e a w a r e o f y o u r o w n f e e l i n g s . Y o u m a y n o t i c e a n i n c r e a s e i n y o u r f r e q u e n c y o f u r i n a t i o n . W h a t ' s h a p p e n i n g i s t h a t y o u ' r e o p e n i n g y o u r p e l v i s , y o u ' r e p a y i n g a t t e n t i o n t o t h e s p h i n c t e r s t h a t h o l d t h e b l a d d e r , a n d y o u c a n tell w h e n t h e y ' r e t i g h t . A s y o u r e l a x t h e m y o u feel a s i f y o u h a v e t o u r i n a t e m o r e o f t e n , s o y o u m a y h a v e t o i n t e r r u p t y o u r e x e r c i s e s . D o n ' t w o r r y a b o u t i t . A n i n c r e a s e i n f l a t u l e n c e i s a l s o a sign o f l o o s e n i n g y o u r i n t e r n a l s t r u c t u r e s . A l o t o f t h e c o n t r o l s t h a t w e n o r m a l l y k e e p o n o u r b o d i e s a n d w h i c h m a k e s u s a d u l t s , a s o p p o s e d t o c h i l d r e n , b e g i n t o let g o . T h i s d o e s n o t m e a n t h a t y o u c a n ' t get c o n t r o l o f t h e m a g a i n . I t m e r e l y m e a n s t h a t y o u ' r e b e g i n n i n g t o feel t h e m a g a i n , j u s t a s y o u will b e g i n t o feel s e x u a l e x p e r i e n c e s m o r e . . . i n s t e a d o f t u r n i n g t h e m off. O n c e y o u b e g i n t o feel t h e s e c h a n g e s , y o u ' l l b e r e a d y t o b e g i n w o r k w i t h a p a r t n e r . T h e first t h i n g t o d e c i d e i s w h o t o w o r k w i t h . I t m a y s u r p r i s e y o u t h a t I s u g g e s t not w o r k i n g w i t h y o u r m a t e o r u s u a l s e x p a r t n e r . B u t y o u s h o u l d c o n s i d e r t h i s . T h e c h a n g e c a n a d d s o m e t h i n g t o t h e l e a r n i n g p r o c e s s a n d can l e a d y o u t o a v o i d s o m e o f y o u r s e t p a t t e r n s a n d b l a m i n g g a m e s . A l s o , w h e n y o u r e t u r n t o y o u r m a t e for i n t e r c o u r s e , y o u will h a v e l e s s c h a n c e o f t r e a t i n g t h a t l o v i n g , c a r i n g , e x c i t i n g s i t u a t i o n a s a n e x e r c i s e . I a m n o t t r y i n g i n a n y w a y t o t a k e y o u f r o m y o u r n o r m a l s e x u a l p a r t n e r . T h i s b o o k i s i n t e n d e d t o a d d t o y o u r p l e a s u r e , n o t s e p a r a t e y o u f r o m y o u r l o v e d o n e . B u t I h a v e f o u n d t h a t w h e n t w o p e o p l e a r e u s e d t o e a c h o t h e r , t h e y t e n d t o b r i n g o l d p a t t e r n s o f r e s p o n s e i n t o n e w s i t u a t i o n s ; t h i s c a n i n h i b i t t h e n e w p a t t e r n s o f m o v e m e n t y o u a r e t r y i n g t o d e v e l o p . W h e t h e r y o u w o r k w i t h y o u r m a t e o r n o t , i t i s v e r y i m p o r t a n t t h a t y o u w o r k w i t h s o m e o n e w i t h w h o m y o u feel q u i t e c o m f o r t a b l e . U n l e s s y o u are a t

ease w i t h y o u r p a r t n e r , u n l e s s y o u feel a b s o l u t e l y n o demand o r e x p e c t a t i o n for h e l p , y o u w i l l n o t b e a b l e t o l e t g o i n t o y o u r o w n e x c i t e m e n t a n d e n j o y m e n t . Y o u m a y e n d u p p l e a s i n g o r p e r f o r m i n g o r w a i t i n g for s o m e o n e else t o p r o v e s o m e t h i n g for y o u . I t will n o t b e n e c e s s a r y t o b e c o m p l e t e l y n u d e w i t h y o u r p a r t n e r , a n d y o u will n o t h a v e a n y g e n i t a l c o n t a c t d u r i n g t h e e x e r c i s e s . T h e i l l u s t r a t i o n s i n t h i s b o o k a r e d r a w n i n t h e n u d e s o t h e b o d y m o v e m e n t s c a n b e s h o w n m o r e c l e a r l y . T h e s e c o n s i d e r a t i o n s m i g h t m a k e i t e a s i e r f o r y o u t o w o r k w i t h s o m e o n e o t h e r t h a n y o u r m a t e . D o n ' t o v e r l o o k t h e p o s s i b i l i t y o f w o r k i n g w i t h s o m e o n e o f t h e s a m e s e x ; i t m a y b e e a s i e r t o f i n d s o m e o n e o f y o u r o w n s e x w i t h w h o m y o u w o u l d feel c o m f o r t a b l e w o r k i n g a n d w h o w o u l d s h a r e y o u r i n t e r e s t i n d o i n g t h e s e e x e r c i s e s . G o i n g a l i t t l e f u r t h e r i n t o t h e q u e s t i o n o f c h o o s i n g y o u r p a r t n e r , I suggest y o u pay a t t e n t i o n t o y o u r f e e l i n g s a b o u t t h e p e r s o n . I s h e o r s h e a t t r a c t i v e t o y o u ? S o m e o n e w h o r e a l l y r e p e l s y o u w o n ' t d o . L o o k for s o m e o n e y o u feel g o o d b e i n g w i t h a n d c a n a c c e p t j u s t a s h e o r s h e is, w i t h o u t f e e l i n g y o u w a n t t o c h a n g e h i m o r t h a t h e w a n t s t o c h a n g e y o u . A l s o , k e e p i n m i n d t h e p r o b l e m o f c o m p l i c a t i o n s . D o n ' t p i c k s o m e o n e w h o will c o m p l i c a t e y o u r life. F o r i n s t a n c e , a m a r r i e d m a n w h o p i c k s his s e c r e t a r y t o w o r k w i t h c o u l d b e a s k i n g for t r o u b l e . W h a t y o u w a n t i s a w a r m b u t uncharged s i t u a t i o n . S i t u a t i o n s c a r r y i n g e m o t i o n a l l o a d s will n o t h e l p y o u f o l l o w t h i s b o o k . F i n a l l y , b e s u r e y o u r p e r s p e c t i v e p a r t n e r i s r e a l l y a s i n t e r e s t e d i n t h e w o r k a s y o u a r e a n d i s n o t e x e r c i s i n g j u s t t o p l e a s e y o u . B y t h e w a y , i t c a n b e a g o o d i d e a for t w o c o u p l e s t o w o r k t o g e t h e r , b u t d o n o t w o r k w i t h m o r e p e o p l e t h a n t h i s , o r t h e g r o u p e x p e r i e n c e will t a k e o v e r ; y o u will l o s e t h e s e n s e o f y o u r own d e v e l o p m e n t . T h e s e e x e r c i s e s a r e f o r your a w a r e n e s s t r a i n i n g ; t h e y a r e t o b e d o n e s l o w l y a n d w i t h a g r e a t d e a l o f a w a r e n e s s o f w h a t i s h a p p e n i n g

inside you. K e e p y o u r e x e r c i s e s a n d y o u r s e x life s e p a r a t e , b u t f r e q u e n t , a n d

h o p e f u l l y b o t h will g e t b e t t e r !

Where To Work

P i c k a r o o m or a s p a c e t h a t y o u l i k e . . . w h e n w o r k i n g w i t h a p a r t n e r , t h a t y o u both l i k e . I t s h o u l d b e s o m e w h e r e y o u w i l l n o t b e d i s t u r b e d , e i t h e r b y a n i n t r u d e r o r b y t o o m u c h n o i s e . T h e t e m p e r a t u r e i n y o u r s p a c e s h o u l d b e " b o d y w a r m " s o y o u c a n s l i p o u t o f y o u r c l o t h e s w i t h o u t g o o s e b u m p s , a n d s o y o u c a n m o v e w i t h o u t s w e a t i n g . L e t ' s a s s u m e y o u h a v e p i c k e d o u t y o u r s p a c e a n d a r e n o w s t a n d i n g i n i t . L i e d o w n o n y o u r b a c k f o r a m o m e n t . W h a t d o y o u h e a r ? M u s i c , t r a f f i c o r c o n v e r s a t i o n s w i l l k e e p y o u f r o m c l e a r l y h e a r i n g yourself. A l s o , e x t e r n a l s o u n d s l i k e m u s i c w i l l i n t e r f e r e w i t h t h e d e v e l o p m e n t o f y o u r i n t e r n a l r h y t h m s . T r y for a t i m e o f d a y i n y o u r s p a c e w h e r e b a c k g r o u n d n o i s e i s a t a m i n i m u m . T h e f l o o r i s u s u a l l y t h e b e s t p l a c e t o w o r k , t h o u g h a b e d w i l l d o i f i t i s a v e r y large o n e . i f y o u u s e a b e d , m a k e s u r e y o u c a n n o t f e e l l i k e y o u ' r e g o i n g o v e r t h e e d g e . P e r h a p s y o u c a n m a k e a d o u b l e b e d d o for e x e r c i s i n g a l o n e . I r e a l l y feel t h a t a n y b e d s m a l l e r t h a n k i n g size will n o t d o f o r y o u a n d y o u r p a r t n e r t o g e t h e r . I n f a c t , I p r e d i c t y o u will e n d u p w o r k i n g o n t h e f l o o r a n y w a y . I t a l l o w s m o r e r o o m for m o v e m e n t , a n d m o r e s t a b i l i t y for t h e g r o u n d i n g e x e r c i s e s . A n o t h e r a r g u m e n t i n f a v o r o f w o r k i n g o n t h e f l o o r : i t will h e l p t o k e e p t h e e x e r c i s e s s e p a r a t e f r o m y o u r s e x life ( a s s u m i n g y o u d o t h a t m o s t l y i n b e d ) . I f t h e f l o o r i n y o u r s p a c e i s n ' t c a r p e t e d , y o u will w a n t p a d d i n g -e n o u g h t o m a k -e a c o m f o r t a b l -e b u t firm s u p p o r t b -e n -e a t h y o u . M a y b -e a s l -e -e p i n g b a g w i l l d o , o r a b l a n k e t o r t w o . F o r p e r s o n s w o r k i n g o u t d o o r s : o n a b e a u t i f u l , m o d e r a t e d a y n o t h i n g c o u l d b e b e t t e r ! B u t h a v e a n i n d o o r r e t r e a t a v a i l a b l e for c o l d o r r a i n y d a y s s o y o u r r o u t i n e w o n ' t s u f f e r . A n d p o l i c e t h e a r e a for a n t h i l l s a n d b e e h i v e s b e f o r e y o u s t a r t !

W h a t a b o u t w a t e r b e d s ? N o g o o d . E x e r c i s i n g o n t h e m i s d e f i n i t e l y o u t . T h e r e a s o n i s t h a t w h e n y o u p u s h d o w n o n t h e w a t e r b e d , i t p u s h e s r i g h t b a c k o n y o u a n d a m o t i o n o f w a v e s i s set u p all a r o u n d y o u . J u s t a s w i t h m u s i c o r n o i s e , t h i s m o t i o n will i n t e r f e r e w i t h y o u r a b i l i t y t o h e a r y o u r s e l f d u r i n g t h e e x e r c i s e , a n d all will b e l o s t . T h e s a m e i s t r u e o f a n a i r m a t t r e s s . F i n d s o m e -t h i n g s o l i d . T h e i n f o r m a t i o n y o u n e e d t o i n c r e a s e y o u r s e x u a l p l e a s u r e m u s t c o m e f r o m inside y o u . Y o u c a n ' t g e t i t f r o m a p a r t n e r ; y o u c a n ' t g e t i t f r o m t h i s b o o k . Y o u w e r e b o r n w i t h i t . F i n d a w o r k s p a c e w i t h o u t d i s t r a c t i o n s a n d t u n c i n y o u r o w n i n n e r m u s i c .

About Time

W h a t ' s a g o o d t i m e o f d a y t o begin e x e r c i s i n g ? B a s i c a l l y , a n y t i m e t h a t fits y o u a n d i n c l u d e s t h e f o l l o w i n g c o n s i d e r a t i o n s . F i r s t , y o u s h o u l d feel r e s t e d a s y o u s t a r t t h e e x e r c i s e s . T h a t m a k e s first t h i n g i n t h e m o r n i n g o r j u s t a f t e r a n a p i d e a l . T h e s e e x e r c i s e s a r e d e s i g n e d t o l e t y o u o p e n u p t o y o u r s e l f ; r e l a x i n g y o u r m u s c l e s , r e g u l a r i z i n g y o u r b r e a t h i n g a n d l i s t e n i n g t o w h a t ' s g o i n g o n i n s i d e you i s w h a t i t ' s all a b o u t . A t i r e d b o d y n a t u r a l l y c l o s e s u p ; t h i s i s t h e b o d y ' s n o r m a l d e f e n s e r e a c t i o n . W h e n y o u a r e t i r e d a n d y o u r b o d y h a s b e g u n t o c l o s e b u t y o u p u s h o n i t t o w o r k , i t will o n l y w a n t t o c l o s e m o r e . W o r k i n g a t s u c h t i m e s will b e f r u s t r a t i n g a n d a c c o m p l i s h l i t t l e . T h e b a s i c t h o u g h t for w o r k i n g a l o n e is: I want to be good to myself. G e t r e s t e d b e f o r e y o u b e g i n .

I s a i d e a r l i e r t h a t y o u w a n t t o w o r k i n a s p a c e w h i c h will b r i n g y o u m i n i m a l e x t e r n a l s t i m u l i . T h i s t h o u g h t a p p l i e s t o i n t e r n a l b u t extraneous s t i m u l i a s w e l l , such a s a l c o h o l , t o b a c c o o r g r a s s . D o n o t i n d u l g e i n s t i m u l a n t s o r d e p r e s s a n t s b e f o r e e x e r c i s i n g ; t h e y will j u s t t a k e y o u a w a y f r o m y o u r s e l f a n d y o u r e f f o r t s w i l l b e w a s t e d . T h e b e s t t i m e t o d o t h i s w o r k i s w h e n y o u a r e c a l m a n d clear. 17

I f y o u h a v e a h e a v y a p p o i n t m e n t t o r u s h o f f t o i n a n h o u r , i t ' s n o t a g o o d t i m e t o s t a r t e x e r c i s i n g . M a k e a n i c h e o f t i m e a n d s p a c e a r o u n d y o u r s e l f , l u x u r i a t e i n i t - t r e a t y o u r s e l f . I t ' s b e s t t o w o r k c o n s i s t e n t l y for several w e e k s . F o l l o w y o u r f e e l i n g s , o f c o u r s e , b u t a l l o w f r o m t h e s t a r t a w a y t o w o r k a t l e a s t o n c e a d a y for t w o w e e k s , t h r e e w e e k s , o r h o w e v e r l o n g u n t i l y o u feel y o u h a v e it. O n c e y o u g e t s t a r t e d , y o u ' l l u n d e r s t a n d w h a t " u n t i l y o u feel y o u h a v e i t " m e a n s . R e a l i z e t h a t e v e r y p e r s o n i s u n i q u e ; e a c h t a k e s h i s o w n r i g h t a m o u n t o f t i m e . S o m e p e o p l e w i l l n e e d o n l y o n e s e r i e s o f b r e a t h i n g e x e r c i s e s a n d t h e y ' v e g o t it. O t h e r s will b e s l o w e r g e t t i n g t h e i r r h y t h m t o g e t h e r . W h a t y o u will b e w o r k i n g for i s g e t t i n g a s e n s e o f y o u r o w n n a t u r a l r h y t h m . T h a t will t a k e y o u a s l o n g a s i t t a k e s y o u . I f s e v e n o r e i g h t s e s s i o n s l e a v e s y o u u n c e r t a i n w h e r e y o u a r c , c o m p a r e n o t e s w i t h y o u r f u t u r e p a r t n e r ( t h e p e r s o n y o u will b e w o r k i n g with o n t h e t o g e t h e r e x e r c i s e s , w h o i s n o w a l s o w o r k i n g a l o n e . ) T h e m o r e r e l a x e d y o u a r e a n d t h e m o r e f r e q u e n t l y y o u p r a c t i c e , t h e s o o n e r y o u s h o u l d b e r e a d y for w o r k i n g w i t h a p a r t n e r . All t h e e x e r c i s e s y o u will b e d o i n g g o i n a s e q u e n c e , w o r k i n g a l o n e o r w i t h a p a r t n e r . W e a l w a y s s t a r t a t t h e h e a d , g o t o t h e e y e s , d o w n t o t h e j a w a n d t h e m o u t h , t h e n w e g o t o t h e n e c k , t h e u p p e r c h e s t . . . t h e n s y n c h r o n i z i n g t h e b r e a t h i n g ( c h e s t - a b d o m i n a l b r e a t h i n g ) , t h e n t o t h e p e l v i s , t h e n b r i n g i n g t h e e n e r g y d o w n i n t o t h e legs a n d g r o u n d i n g i t , l e t t i n g y o u g e t t h e feel o f e n e r g y i n y o u r f e e t . . . t h e n b a c k u p t o w o r k w i t h t h e s y n c h r o n i z i n g o f all t h e s e m o v e m e n t s t o g e t h e r .

Where Your Head Is

A s y o u b e g i n w o r k i n g a l o n e , k e e p t h e s e t h i n g s i n m i n d : T h e r e i s r e a l l y n o t h i n g t o a c c o m p l i s h ; t h e r e i s n o g o a l . T h i s w o r k i s a l o t e a s i e r t h a n i t s e e m s . D o n ' t p u s h y o u r s e l f ; y o u c a n ' t g e t i n t o u c h b y p u s h i n g . P u s h i n g i s a f t e r all h o w y o u h a v e p r o b a b l y g o n e a b o u t s e x all t h e s e y e a r s . R e l a x . All y o u c a n d o i s g e t i n t o u c h w i t h t h e f e e l i n g s a n d r h y t h m y o u w e r e b o r n w i t h . T h i s i s g e n t l e w o r k . B e k i n d t o y o u r s e l f . T h i s i s a p l a y e x p e r i e n c e for y o u . Y o u h a v e n o t h i n g t o l o s e o r a c c o m p l i s h . N o o n e c a n s e e y o u ; t h i s i s a s e c r e t for y o u a l o n e . W h a t e v e r y o u d o i n y o u r s p a c e w o r k i n g o n t h e s e e x e r c i s e s i s for y o u r p l e a s u r e . E n j o y y o u r s e l f .

Where My Head Is

F r e q u e n t l y , i n d e s c r i b i n g t h e e x e r c i s e s , I f o u n d m y s e l f s a y i n g " h e o r s h e t h i s " o r " h a v e h i m o r h e r d o t h a t " o r o t h e r w i s e u s i n g t h e m a s c u l i n e a n d t h e f e m i n i n e p r o n o u n f o r m s . I t b e c a m e i m p o s s i b l y c l u m s y t o k e e p r e p e a t i n g b o t h p r o n o u n f o r m s , o n e a f t e r t h e o t h e r , a l t e r n a t i n g w h i c h c a m e first. O n t h e o t h e r h a n d , s i n c e t h e b o o k i s n o t e x c l u s i v e l y for e i t h e r s e x a l o n e , I felt I c o u l d n ' t use j u s t she o r j u s t h e a l o n e . T h e s o l u t i o n I c h o s e i s t o m o s t l y u s e h e i n t h e b o o k w h e n I m e a n w h i c h e v e r g e n d e r f i t s y o u r s i t u a t i o n , i f y o u , t h e r e a d e r , a r e w o r k i n g w i t h a w o m a n , i n y o u r m i n d s u b s t i t u t e she e v e r y w h e r e I say he, e t c . A n d b e a r w i t h m e .

W e n e e d a n e w p r o n o u n f o r m i n t h e l a n g u a g e , b u t t h a t ' s a n u n d e r t a k i n g t o o b i g f o r m e !

Breathing and Movement

B r e a t h i n g i s t h e m o s t b a s i c f u n c t i o n o f y o u r b o d y . W i t h o u t i t all o t h e r s y s t e m s o f t h e b o d y fail. I t i s t h e first i n t e r n a l s e l f - s u p p o r t i n g a c t i v i t y y o u r b o d y p e r f o r m s w h e n y o u e n t e r t h e w o r l d . H o w e v e r , y o u p r o b a b l y t a k e t h i s i m p o r t a n t a c t i v i t y e n t i r e l y for g r a n t e d . This book assumes you have never

thought about breathing and sex together, a n d h a v e n e v e r r e a l i z e d t h e c e n t r a l r o l e t h e b r e a t h p l a y s i n y o u r sex life.

T o a c e r t a i n e x t e n t y o u easily h a v e c o n t r o l o f y o u r b r e a t h . T h e r e l a t i o n s h i p b e t w e e n i t a n d o t h e r f u n c t i o n s a n d a c t i v i t i e s o f y o u r b o d y i s q u i t e c o m p l e x . I w a n t t o t a l k h e r e o n l y a b o u t b r e a t h i n g , m o v e m e n t a n d e m o t i o n , a n d w h a t t h e y h a v e t o d o w i t h s e x .

B r e a t h i n g is d i r e c t l y r e l a t e d to e m o t i o n . Any emotional response you

have will immediately change your breathing pattern. C o n v e r s e l y , by c o n s c i o u s l y

c h a n g i n g y o u r b r e a t h i n g , y o u c a n a l t e r y o u r e m o t i o n s a n d f e e l i n g s . M a n y r e l a x a t i o n t e c h n i q u e s ( a n d y o g a e x e r c i s e s ) a r e b a s e d o n t h i s p r i n c i p l e . E x c i t e m e n t , t h e o p p o s i t e o f r e l a x a t i o n , i s a l s o a c h i e v e d b y a l t e r i n g t h e b r e a t h i n g p a t t e r n . T h i s i s w h a t m y e x e r c i s e s a r e d e s i g n e d t o d o . O n e r e s u l t o f d o i n g t h e e x e r c i s e s i s t h a t y o u will h a v e m o r e e n e r g y o r " c h a r g e " a v a i l a b l e t o y o u d u r i n g i n t e r c o u r s e . T h i s i n c r e a s e d c h a r g e w i l l r e s u l t i n a m o r e i n t e n s e o r g a s m .

B o d y m o v e m e n t s a r c a l s o c l o s e l y a s s o c i a t e d w i t h e m o t i o n s . I t i s possible

to alter your feelings by changing the way you move. F o r e x a m p l e , if y o u

d a n c e , y o u m a y begin t o feel h a p p y . W h e n y o u feel d e p r e s s e d a n d d o w n , y o u r s h o u l d e r s s l o p e a n d s l o u c h . I t i s a l m o s t i m p o s s i b l e t o b e d e p r e s s e d a n d s t a n d w i t h y o u r s h o u l d e r s b a c k a n d y o u r c h e s t o u t .

S o b o t h m o v e m e n t a n d b r e a t h i n g a r e d i r e c t l y r e l a t e d t o e m o t i o n s . T h a t i s , the way you breathe and the way you move both affect the way you feel,

and vice versa. T h i s p r i n c i p l e will o b v i o u s l y a p p l y t o y o u r s e x u a l feelings a n d

h o w y o u e x p r e s s t h e m . W h e n y o u s t u d y t h e m e c h a n i c s o f a n o r g a s m , y o u see t h a t proper breathing and movement w i l l l e a d y o u to an e m o t i o n a l high a n d s e t u p t h e c o n d i t i o n s n e c e s s a r y t o t r i g g e r y o u r o r g a s t i c r e f l e x . T h e e x e r c i s e s i n t h i s b o o k will g u i d e y o u i n t o t h i s p r o p e r b r e a t h i n g a n d m o v e m e n t , w h i c h y o u w i l l e x p e r i e n c e a s a n u n d u l a t i n g w a v e t h a t f l o w s u p a n d d o w n y o u r b o d y . T h e y will i n c r e a s e y o u r e x c i t e m e n t , s p r e a d i n g i t o v e r y o u r e n t i r e t o r s o , a r m s a n d l e g s . W o r k i n g w i t h a n o t h e r p e r s o n , y o u w i l l l e a r n h o w t o m a i n t a i n t h i s r h y t h m a n d c h a r g e i n t h e i r p r e s e n c e . O n e a s s u m e s t h a t N a t u r a l M a n o r W o m a n , c o m p l e t e l y r e l a x e d a n d c e n t e r e d a l w a y s i n t h e p r e s e n t ( a n e n t i t y I've y e t t o m e e t ) , w o u l d h a v e n o e n e r g y b l o c k s a n d n o t r o u b l e b u i l d i n g h i s o r h e r c h a r g e t o a t o t a l o r g a s m . O n e f u r t h e r a s s u m e s t h a t y o u o r I will h a v e t o l e a r n h o w t o p a y a t t e n t i o n t o w h e r e w e b l o c k e n e r g y i n o u r b o d i e s , w h e r e w e h o l d o n e m o t i o n a l l y , w h e r e w e s t o r e t e n s i o n , a n d w h a t p a t t e r n s w e h a v e d e v e l o p e d i n b o t h b r e a t h i n g a n d m o v e m e n t w h i c h d i s r u p t a n d f r u s t r a t e o u r n a t u r a l r e s p o n s e s , p r e v e n t i n g u s f r o m r e a c h i n g o u r o r g a s t i c p o t e n t i a l . I n t h i s b o o k I u s e t h e t e r m excitement t o c o v e r t h e h e i g h t e n e d e n e r g y m o b i l i z a t i o n t h a t o c c u r s i n y o u r b o d y w h e n t h e r e ' s a s t r o n g c o n c e r n o r a s t r o n g " c o n t a c t , " a n a g g r e s s i v e f e e l i n g , a n t i c i p a t i o n , j o y , e t c . W i t h g r o w i n g e x c i t e m e n t t h e r e ' s always a n i n c r e a s e o f t h e m e t a b o l i c p r o c e s s ( o x i d i z i n g s t o r e d n u t r i e n t s in t h e b o d y ) so you need more air.

S i n c e b r e a t h i n g i s t h e m o s t s e n s i t i v e m e a s u r e o f a n y e m o t i o n a l e x p e r i e n c e , i t i s i m p o r t a n t t h a t y o u r e s p o n d t o y o u r i n c r e a s e d e x c i t e m e n t b y i n c r e a s i n g t h e r a t e a n d a m p l i t u d e o f y o u r b r e a t h i n g . B u t i n s t e a d , m a n y p e o p l e a t t e m p t t o control t h e i r e x c i t e m e n t , t h e r e b y i n t e r f e r r i n g w i t h t h e i r b r e a t h i n g , b y k e e p i n g t h e m s e l v e s " c a l m , c o o l a n d c o l l e c t e d . " T h e r e a s o n p e o p l e t e n d t o h o l d t h e i r b r e a t h is t h a t breathing deeply and fully amplifies their feelings, a n d t h e s e f e e l i n g s , w h i c h a r e o f t e n u n c o m f o r t a b l e , a r e b r o u g h t f o r c i b l y t o t h e i r a t t e n t i o n . U n f o r t u n a t e l y , r e s t r i c t i n g t h e b r e a t h t o r e p r e s s uncomfortable f e e l i n g s l e a d s t o t h e r e s t r i c t i o n o f pleasurable f e e l i n g s a s w e l l . T h e s u b j e c t i v e e x p e r i e n c e o f a b r e a t h i n g d i f f i c u l t y c a u s e d b y a p e r s o n ' s a t t e m p t t o c o n t r o l h i s o r h e r e x c i t e m e n t i s o n e d e s c r i p t i o n o f anxiety. I t i s t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f w a n t i n g t o g e t a i r i n t o l u n g s w h i c h a r e i m m o b i l i z e d b y m u s c u l a r c o n s t r i c t i o n s o f t h e c h e s t a n d d i a p h r a g m . T h e w o r d " a n x i e t y " c o m e s f r o m angusta — n a r r o w n e s s — w h i c h d e s c r i b e s t h e c o n d i t i o n o f t h e i n v o l u n t a r i l y - c o n s t r i c t e d c h e s t . I t i s a p p a r e n t , t h r o u g h o b s e r v a t i o n o f o t h e r m e m b e r s o f t h e a n i m a l k i n g d o m , t h a t a n y o r g a n i s m w h i c h i s s u d d e n l y f r i g h t e n e d will h a l t its m o v e m e n t s a n d its b r e a t h i n g , a n d freeze. T h i n k o f t h e s t a r t l e d r e f l e x o f a r a b b i t o r d e e r t h a t h a s b e e n s u r p r i s e d a l o n g a r o a d . W e h u m a n s a l s o u s e t h i s p r i m i t i v e l i f e - p r e s e r v i n g i n s t i n c t w h e n e v e r o u r s u d d e n , full a t t e n t i o n i s n e e d e d . A t s u c h t i m e s t h e v e r y s o u n d s a n d m u s c u l a r m o v e m e n t s t h a t g o w i t h b r e a t h i n g are a s o u r c e o f d i s t r a c t i o n , s o w e t r y t o g e t rid o f t h e m , e i t h e r b y b r e a t h i n g s h a l l o w l y o r b y h o l d i n g o u r b r e a t h . O n e m a y e x t e n d t h i s emergency b e h a v i o r i n d e f i n i t e l y - o r shift i t t o c o n t r o l o t h e r f o r m s o f e x c i t e m e n t , for e x a m p l e , s e x u a l e x c i t e m e n t .

Whenever you try to "control" yourself, you automatically restrict your body movement. Y o u h o l d y o u r s e l f r i g i d i n o r d e r t o p r e v e n t e v e n m i n u t e m o v e m e n t s , a n d t h i s r i g i d i t y p r e v e n t s y o u f r o m f e e l i n g y o u r f e e l i n g s a s w e l l , b e c a u s e movement is feeling.

E a r l i e r I s u g g e s t e d y o u t r y a n e x e r c i s e f o r r o t a t i n g y o u r p e l v i s i n a c i r c u l a r m o t i o n . W h e n m o s t p e o p l e d o t h i s m o v e m e n t t h e y h o l d t h e i r b r e a t h .

D u r i n g s e x u a l e x c i t e m e n t t h e b r e a t h i s a f f e c t e d t h e s a m e w a y ; i t f r e q u e n t l y g e t s s h u t d o w n j u s t w h e n m o r e air i s n e e d e d .

M o v e m e n t i s a n a t u r a l p a r t o f b e i n g a l i v e . T h e m o r e a l i v e y o u a r e , t h e m o r e s p o n t a n e o u s y o u r m o v e m e n t s , a n d y o u r b o d y c a n n a t u r a l l y e x p r e s s y o u r f e e l i n g s . I n t h e a b s e n c e o f m o v e m e n t t h e r e i s n o f e e l i n g . Y o u l o s e y o u r a b i l i t y t o feel i n a l i m b w h i c h i s i m m o b i l i z e d , a n d y o u m u s t m o v e i t again t o regain t h e f e e l i n g . S i n c e t h e d e p t h o f y o u r b r e a t h i n g a f f e c t s t h e i n t e n s i t y o f y o u r f e e l i n g , s u p p r e s s e d f e e l i n g c a n b e r e v i v e d t h r o u g h b r e a t h i n g . D e a t h i s n o m o v e m e n t , no b r e a t h i n g , no f e e l i n g . To be wholly alive is to breathe deeply,

feel deeply and move freely.

I t i s p o s s i b l e t o c o m p l e t e a n a c t i o n - w a l k i n g a c r o s s t h e f l o o r , for i n s t a n c e — w i t h l i t t l e o r n o e f f o r t , s m o o t h l y , a l m o s t l i k e g l i d i n g . A t r a i n e d d a n c e r o r a Z e n m o n k o f t e n gives t h i s a p p e a r a n c e ; e a c h m o v e m e n t i s c o o r d i n a t e d a n d n o m o t i o n i s w a s t e d . T h e r e i s a j o y i n o b s e r v i n g t h i s k i n d o f m o v e m e n t — a n d a n i n n e r j o y i n b e i n g a b l e t o m o v e t h a t w a y . I t i s a l s o p o s s i b l e t o c r o s s t h e same s p a c e a n d , b y u s i n g a l o t o f u n n e c e s s a r y m u s c l e s a n d e x p r e s s i n g g r e a t e f f o r t , m a k e t h e j o u r n e y v e r y d i f f i c u l t . W h e n y o u o b s e r v e t h i s t y p e o f m o v e m e n t i n s o m e o n e , y o u n o d o u b t feel t h e i r s t r a i n . I n m a k i n g love t h e r e c a n b e a s m o o t h a n d f l o w i n g m o v e m e n t r e a c h i n g a c r e s c e n d o o f e x c i t e m e n t , t h e n g r a d u a l l y d e c r e a s i n g t o s t i l l n e s s a n d c o m p l e t e s a t i s f a c t i o n . O r , y o u c a n h o l d o n f r o m t h e very b e g i n n i n g , n o t o n l y b y failing t o b r e a t h e p r o p e r l y , b u t a l s o w i t h e x a g g e r a t e d facial e x p r e s s i o n s , t e n s i o n s i n the b a c k a n d n e c k , h a n g i n g o n t o y o u r p a r t n e r o r t h e b e d w i t h h a n d s , legs a n d f e e t , o r o n t o y o u r s e l f i n t h e a b d o m e n , b u t t o c k s o r a n u s . T h i s e x c e s s e f f o r t i n t e r f e r e s w i t h t o t a l o r g a s t i c r e l e a s e . S i m p l y p u t , any restriction of your

breathing or your movements during love-making will rob you of sexual pleasure.

T h e t y p e o f b r e a t h i n g t h a t I w a n t t o e n c o u r a g e y o u t o t r y i n t h e s e e x e r c i s e s i s c a l l e d diaphragmatic breathing. W i t h t h i s t y p e o f b r e a t h i n g y o u g e t a m a x i m u m a m o u n t o f a i r w i t h a m i n i m u m a m o u n t o f e f f o r t , u s i n g b o t h y o u r c h e s t a n d y o u r a b d o m e n . T h e d i a p h r a g m i s p u l l e d d o w n , t h e c h e s t i s e x p a n d e d a n d t h e b e l l y i s p u s h e d o u t , p u t t i n g t h e g r e a t e s t p o s s i b l e v o l u m e o f air i n t o t h e l u n g s . F o r s o m e p e o p l e t h e p r o b l e m i s n o t a l a c k o f a i r i n t a k e , b u t a f a i l u r e t o a l l o w all t h e air t o b e e x h a l e d a g a i n , o r t o a l l o w t h e c h e s t t o r e l a x e n o u g h s o t h a t t h e air c a n b e c o m p l e t e l y e x p e l l e d . B r e a t h i n g o u t i s v e r y m u c h l i k e " l e t t i n g g o . " I t i s a p a s s i v e p r o c e d u r e allowed b y r e l e a s i n g t h e m u s c l e s i n t h e c h e s t a n d a b d o m e n , i f t h a t m u s c u l a t u r e i s n o t r e l e a s e d f u l l y , b u t i s h e l d i n t e n s i o n , s o m e air i s r e t a i n e d i n t h e l u n g s a n d s u b s e q u e n t i n h a l a t i o n i s r e s t r i c t e d . B r e a t h i n g i s n o t j u s t i n h a l i n g , i t i s a full c y c l e o f i n h a l i n g and e x h a l i n g . E a c h p e r s o n h a s h i s o r h e r o w n c h a r a c t e r i s t i c w a y o f b r e a t h i n g a n d h o l d i n g t h e b r e a t h . O n e w a y o f b r e a t h i n g i s i n u n e v e n s p u r t s ? a s i f b u m p i n g d o w n a s t a i r c a s e , o r a l o n g a r o u g h r o a d . T h i s t y p e o f b r e a t h i n g i s i n i t i a t e d i n t h e e g o a n d r e q u i r e s a d e l i b e r a t e e f f o r t t o m a i n t a i n . A s o n e b e c o m e m o r e r e l a x e d a n d " o u t o f m i n d , " h i s b r e a t h i n g s m o o t h e s o u t . In proper development, t h e b r e a t h f o l l o w s a d e f i n i t e s m o o t h r h y t h m , u n l e s s h a m p e r e d b y t h e p o s i t i o n o f t h e b o d y . T h a t is, you always breathe

deeply and fully in spite of any work effort you expend.

I n a h e a l t h y b o d y , r h y t h m i c a l pelvic m o v e m e n t i s a n i n t e g r a l p a r t o f b r e a t h i n g . T h e r e f o r e , y o u w i l l f i n d t h a t m y e x e r c i s e s e m p h a s i z e h e l p i n g y o u l e a r n h o w t o c o o r d i n a t e y o u r p e l v i c m o v e m e n t a n d y o u r b r e a t h i n g t o g e t h e r . T h e r h y t h m of s e x r e q u i r e s an exhalation with every forward swing of the

pelvis. I f y o u i n h a l e d u r i n g f o r w a r d m o v e m e n t , y o u r d i a p h r a g m c o n t r a c t s a n d

p r e v e n t s t h e " l e t t i n g g o " i n t h e a b d o m e n n e c e s s a r y for o r g a s t i c r e l e a s e . F u r t h e r , i f y o u h o l d y o u r p e l v i s r i g i d l y , p r o p e r b r e a t h i n g c a n ' t t a k e p l a c e , b e c a u s e t h e pelvis p a r t i c i p a t e s i n e v e r y b r e a t h c y c l e . I n t h e e x e r c i s e s for pelvic rocking, y o u will p r a c t i c e t h i s p r i n c i p l e .

T o c h e c k o u t y o u r o w n b r e a t h i n g p a t t e r n , y o u m u s t first figure o u t h o w y o u s t o p y o u r s e l f f r o m m a k i n g a c o m p l e t e o r full e x h a l a t i o n ; t h a t is, h o w y o u use m u s c l e c o n t r a c t i o n s t o i n h i b i t a full e x h a l a t i o n . I n t h e e x e r c i s e s , I call t h i s training the breathing pattern. T h e w o r k is s l o w , a n d a g r e a t d e a l of c o n c e n t r a t i o n i s r e q u i r e d t o p a y a t t e n t i o n t o h o w y o u ' r e m o v i n g a n d h o w y o u ' r e b r e a t h i n g . Y o u will f i n d t h a t y o u p r o g r e s s i n s t e p s o r l e v e l s ; y o u ' l l p e r i o d i c a l l y r e a c h a p l a t e a u w h e r e n o t h i n g s e e m s t o b e h a p p e n i n g , w h e n all o f a s u d d e n y o u will b r e a k t h r o u g h a n d m o v e o n f r o m t h e r e . Your problem will lie in trying to go too fast, a n d in g o i n g b e y o n d y o u r b o d y ' s level of t o l e r a n c e

for t h e i n c r e a s e d o x y g e n a t i o n a n d i n c r e a s e d feelings t h a t c o m e w i t h " l e t t i n g g o " a n d w i t h d e e p e r b r e a t h i n g . T h e r e f o r e , w h i l e a t first i t m a y s e e m a s i f little i s h a p p e n i n g t o y o u , y o u h a v e t o a l l o w t i m e for y o u r b o d y t o o v e r c o m e its o l d p a t t e r n s . A s y o u w o r k t h r o u g h t h e e x e r c i s e s , y o u m a y f i n d t h a t e a c h n e w o n e b r i n g s a n e w f l o o d o f e m o t i o n s , w h i c h i n t e r r u p t s y o u r n e w l y e s t a b l i s h e d s m o o t h - b r e a t h i n g a n d m o v i n g p a t t e r n . This is what you should look for and

pay attention to. W h a t i s h a p p e n i n g i s t h a t y o u r b o d y i s " l e t t i n g g o " o f a n o l d

p a t t e r n o f t e n s i o n . T h e e m o t i o n y o u feel i s e n e r g y r e l e a s e d a s t h e p a t t e r n i s b r o k e n . Y o u will w a n t t o s t a y w i t h t h e e m o t i o n u n t i l i t s u b s i d e s , t o a l l o w i t t o b e e x p r e s s e d fully. W h e n a n e w e m o t i o n c o m e s u p , s t o p , g o b a c k t o a place i n t h e e x e r c i s e s e q u e n c e t h a t f e e l s c o m f o r t a b l e a n d m o v e t h r o u g h t h e s e q u e n c e a g a i n f r o m t h i s s a f e , c o m f o r t a b l e p l a c e , w a t c h i n g y o u r b r e a t h i n g p a t t e r n c l o s e l y . R e m e m b e r , y o u r b r e a t h i n g i s y o u r " f e e l i n g t h e r m o m e t e r , " s o p a y close a t t e n t i o n t o i t . A s y o u s t a r t b r e a t h i n g d e e p l y , y o u ' l l p r o b a b l y n o t i c e s o m e n e w b o d y s e n s a t i o n s . I n v a r i a b l y y o u will d e v e l o p t i n g l i n g s e n s a t i o n s i n v a r i o u s p a r t s o f y o u r b o d y , u s u a l l y s t a r t i n g i n t h e h a n d s , feet a n d face ( p a r t i c u l a r l y a r o u n d t h e m o u t h ) a n d v e r y o f t e n e x t e n d i n g o v e r t h e w h o l e b o d y . T h e s e t i n g l i n g s e n s a t i o n s , i f e n c o u r a g e d b y e x c e s s i v e b r e a t h i n g , c a n b e c o m e i n t e n s e , a n d 26

f e e l i n g s o f n u m b n e s s c a n o c c u r . S u c h s e n s a t i o n s a r e k n o w n a s " p a r e s t h e s i a " i n m e d i c i n e a n d a r c s o m e t i m e s s e e n a s s y m p t o m s o f h y p e r v e n t i l a t i o n . H y p e r v e n t i l a t i o n o c c u r s w h e n t o o m u c h c a r b o n d i o x i d e i s d i s c h a r g e d f r o m t h e b l o o d , d u e t o a r a p i d l y i n c r e a s e d b r e a t h i n g r a t e . I n o u r w o r k t h e r e ' s m o r e c h a n c e t h a t y o u r b o d y will g e t o v e r c h a r g e d w i t h o x y g e n w h i c h i t i s u n a b l e t o u t i l i z e , a n d for t h i s r e a s o n y o u m a y e x p e r i e n c e s o m e d i z z i n e s s o r n u m b n e s s t o w h i c h y o u a r e n o t a c c u s t o m e d . W h e t h e r t h i s p h e n o m e n o n i s h y p e r v e n t i l a t i o n o r o v e r - o x y g e n a t i o n i s i r r e l e v a n t . I t i s i m p o r t a n t t h a t e x c e s s b r e a t h i n g b e a v o i d e d . T h e s e e x e r c i s e s r e q u i r e o n l y m i n i m a l a m o u n t s of o x y g e n a t i o n ; only the slightest amount of

sensation or tingling is necessary to b e g i n a n d m a i n t a i n t h e a c t i v a t i o n of

s i m u l a t e d s e x u a l f e e l i n g s - a n y s t r e s s o n t h e b o d y t h r o u g h b r e a t h i n g s h o u l d o n l y b e d o n e w i t h a c o m p e t e n t t h e r a p i s t p r e s e n t w h o i s f a m i l i a r w i t h t h i s t y p e o f w o r k . P e o p l e w h o a r e a c t i v e l y w o r k i n g o r e x e r c i s i n g r e g u l a r l y a r e n o t a s l i k e l y t o d e v e l o p t h e s e s y m p t o m s . I f y o u d o , y o u will f i n d t h a t t h e s e n s a t i o n s , e m e r g i n g d u r i n g t h e e x e r c i s e s , will u s u a l l y d i s a p p e a r a s s o o n a s y o u r b r e a t h i n g is r e l a x e d a n d s l o w s d o w n . This phenomenon is completely under your control. D o n ' t p u s h y o u r s e l f ; t h e r e i s n o h u r r y . Y o u a r e b e t t e r o f f i f y o u l e a r n t o t o l e r a t e t h e s e n s a t i o n t h a n i f y o u p u s h y o u r s e l f a n d c r e a t e a n e m o t i o n a l r e s i s t a n c e ( i . e . y o u b e c o m e a f r a i d ) t h a t will b e d i f f i c u l t t o o v e r c o m e l a t e r . A s y o u b e g i n t o d e v e l o p t h e c a p a c i t y t o t o l e r a t e h i g h e r l e v e l s o f e x c i t a t i o n a n d o x y g e n a t i o n t h r o u g h p r o p e r b r e a t h i n g , t h e d i z z i n e s s a n d t h e t i n g l i n g will t e n d t o d i m i n i s h a n d d i s a p p e a r , l e a v i n g o n l y a " c h a r g e " o f e n e r g y . T h e s e feelings o f e x c i t a t i o n a r e v e r y s i m i l a r t o t h e f e e l i n g s o f e x c i t e m e n t t h a t g o a l o n g w i t h a n o r g a s m . T h u s y o u will b e a l l o w i n g y o u r s e l f t o t o l e r a t e m o r e e x c i t e m e n t - w i t h o u t s h u t t i n g i t o f f - b y c o n c e n t r a t i n g o n y o u r b r e a t h i n g . T h e final s t e p i n t h e e x e r c i s e s i s t o a l l o w y o u r n e w l y r e l e a s e d e n e r g y o r c h a r g e t o b e f o c u s e d i n t o y o u r o r g a s t i c e x p e r i e n c e . T h i s r e q u i r e s u n i f y i n g t h e b o d y ' s feelings. W h e n y o u a r e c a u g h t u p i n s e x u a l e x c i t e m e n t , i t i s p o s s i b l e t o

d i s s i p a t e o r w a s t e y o u r e n e r g y . M y e x e r c i s e s o n g r o u n d i n g p r e v e n t t h i s e n e r g y l o s s b y f o c u s i n g y o u r e x c i t e m e n t i n y o u r f e e t a n d legs, a n d t h e i r r e l a t i o n t o t h e e a r t h o r s o m e t h i n g s o l i d . I t i s a s t h o u g h t h e e n e r g y t r a v e l s d o w n y o u r b o d y , r e a c h e s t h e g r o u n d , i s c a p t u r e d o r c o l l e c t e d , t h e n b o u n c e s u p y o u r legs a g a i n , m a k i n g i t s e l f a v a i l a b l e for y o u r o r g a s m . I f y o u a r e p a t i e n t w i t h t h e s e e x e r c i s e s , t h e y c a n o p e n y o u r b o d y t o y o u r e n e r g y f l o w , a n d h e l p y o u d e v e l o p a h i g h e r l e v e l o f e x c i t a t i o n , w h i c h will r e s u l t i n i n c r e a s e d b o d y p l e a s u r e a n d m o r e life f o r y o u . I t will b e w o r t h y o u r e f f o r t s ! 28

Orgasm

P e r h a p s n o e x p e r i e n c e k n o w n t o m a n c a n c o m e c l o s e r t o a p e a k e x p e r i e n c e , t o a u n i o n w i t h t h e u n i v e r s a l o r c o s m i c c o n s c i o u s n e s s , t h a n t h e o r g a s m . I t i s t h e p e a k o f e x c i t e m e n t a n d i t s c u l m i n a t i o n , o n e o f o u r m o s t p l e a s a n t , s a t i s f y i n g , s o m e t i m e s a w e - i n s p i r i n g , a n d y e t transitory n a t u r a l g i f t s . A g a i n a n d again w e s t r i v e t o w a r d o r g a s m . F o r s o m e , i t i s t h e u l t i m a t e e x p e r i e n c e ; for o t h e r s i t s v a l u e i s s o m e w h a t less. S o m e p e o p l e e x p e r i e n c e o r g a s m s a s s k y r o c k e t s e x p l o d i n g , o t h e r s a s a s m a l l m a t c h lit t o w a r d o f f t h e d a r k n e s s o f a d i s m a l e x i s t e n c e . A n d t h e r e a r e m a n y p e o p l e w h o s e e m u n a b l e t o e x p e r i e n c e a n o r g a s m a t a l l . I f y o u r e x p e r i e n c e s a r e n ' t i n t h e f i r s t c a t e g o r y , t h e r e i s n o n e e d t o a c c e p t t h i s s t a t e a s " t h e w a y y o u a r e . " Y o u r o r g a s m can b e i m p r o v e d t h r o u g h t h e s e e x e r c i s e s . T h e r e a r e m a n y (in f a c t s o m e t i m e s i t s e e m s t o o m a n y ) t h i n g s t h a t c a n n o t b e c h a n g e d for t h e b e t t e r t h a t w e h a v e t o l e a r n t o live w i t h , s o i f t h e r e i s s o m e t h i n g t h a t y o u can c h a n g e , t h e n f o r h e a v e n ' s s a k e , c h a n g e i t ! ( B e t t e r y e t , d o i t f o r y o u r own s a k e . ) B u t w h a t i s a n o r g a s m ? W h a t a m I t a l k i n g a b o u t ? T h e r e i s n o s t a n d a r d o r g a s m ; e a c h d e p e n d s o n t h e i n d i v i d u a l ' s c a p a c i t y for p l e a s u r e a n d e x c i t e m e n t , C e r t a i n l y a c o m p a r a t i v e s t u d y i s r i d i c u l o u s . O r g a s m i s a s u b j e c t i v e e x p e r i e n c e t h a t i s i m p o s s i b l e t o m e a s u r e a n d p i g e o n h o l e .

W h a t I c o u l d d o i s d e s c r i b e a n o r g a s m f r o m a n u m b e r o f d i f f e r e n t v i e w p o i n t s . W e c o u l d first t a l k a b o u t t h e p h y s i o l o g y o f a n o r g a s m - w h a t t a k e s p l a c e o n a n a n a t o m i c a l , p h y s i o l o g i c a l level, i f I w e r e t o d o t h i s I w o u l d d e s c r i b e a c o m p l i c a t e d s e t o f a n a t o m i c a l r e s p o n s e s t h a t h a v e l o n g b e e n a favorite s u b j e c t o f l i t e r a r y f i c t i o n a n d f a n t a s y ( a n d s o m e s c i e n t i f i c f a n t a s y a s w e l l ! ) . T o a v o i d t h e m a s s o f m i s - i n f o r m a t i o n a v a i l a b l e , 1 r e f e r y o u for s o u n d scientific i n f o r m a t i o n t o t h e s t u d i e s i n t h i s field p i o n e e r e d b y M a s t e r s a n d J o h n s o n i n t h e i r m o n u m e n t a l c o n t r i b u t i o n Human Sexual Response. H o w e v e r , I p e r s o n a l l y h a v e a l w a y s f o u n d t h i s t y p e o f r e a d i n g s o m e w h a t d u l l . W h a t I p r e f e r t o d i s c u s s h e r e i s t h e process of an o r g a s m , h o w it h a p p e n s , a n d w h a t s t a g e s l e a d u p t o i t . W i t h t h i s k n o w l e d g e y o u c a n a l t e r the q u a l i t y o f y o u r o r g a s m s . W i l h e l m R e i c h p r e s e n t s a n o r g a s m t h e o r y w h i c h I have i n t e r p r e t e d i n t h e f o l l o w i n g d i a g r a m . 30