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How to make Relationships Matter

for Looked After Young People

A handbook

How to make Relationships Matter

for Looked After Young People

A handbook

Mary Ryan

Mary Ryan

Research tells us that care leavers who have good friendships and support

networks do better and are happier than those who don’t. Care leavers themselves

say that friends are important for them and loneliness is a big worry. Relationships

Matter is a tried and tested intervention that helps care leavers learn about and

practise communication and relationship skills. Care leavers take part in a group

activity that is fun, challenging and aims to build their resilience.

This handbook describes how to set up a local partnership to deliver a

Relationships Matter group based on a successful approach developed and piloted

by National Children’s Bureau and Relate.

National Children’s Bureau

8 Wakley Street London EC1V 7QE tel +44 (0)20 7843 6000 fax +44 (0)20 7278 9512

Registered Charity Number 258825

Useful numbers

Book Sales: 0845 458 9910

Conferences and Training: 020 7843 6041 Fundraising: 020 7843 6329

Information Centre: 020 7843 6008 Membership: 020 7843 6080 Young NCB: 020 7843 6099

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How to make Relationships Matter

for Looked After Young People

A handbook

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NCB’s vision is a society in which children and young people contribute, are valued and their rights respected. NCB aims to:

■ reduce inequalities of opportunity in childhood ■

■ ensure children and young people can use their voice to improve the lives and their lives of those around them

■ improve perceptions of children and young people ■

■ enhance the health, learning, experiences and opportunities of children and young people

■ encourage the building of positive and supportive relationships for children and young people with families, carers, friends and communities

■ provide leadership through the use of evidence and research to improve policy and practice

NCB has adopted and works within the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child. Published by NCB

NCB, 8 Wakley Street, London EC1V 7QE Tel: 0207 843 6000

Website: www.ncb.org.uk

Registered charity number: 258825

NCB works in partnership with Children in Scotland (www.childreninscotland.org.uk) and Children in Wales (www.childreninwales.org.uk).

© National Children’s Bureau 2012

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form by any person without the written permission of the publisher.

The views expressed in this book are those of the author and not necessarily those of NCB. Typeset by Saxon Graphics, Derby

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Contents

Acknowledgements iv

1

Introduction

1

2

A quick guide to Relationships Matter

3

3

Working with looked after young people

7

4

Why focus on relationship and communication skills?

9

5

Getting it right – shaping the groups

12

6

What happens in Relationships Matter groups

15

7

Building in evaluation

23

8

Planning and delivering a Relationships Matter group

27

References 34

Appendix 1: Relationships Matter Project Advisory Group members

36

Appendix 2: Useful websites and resources

37

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Acknowledgements

The Relationships Matter pilot project ran between 2008 and 2010 and thanks are due to all who contributed to its development and success:

■ the Department of Health for funding the project ■

■ the Relationships Matter Advisory Group, especially its chair Professor Mike Stein ■

■ looked after children’s services in each of the three pilot areas – Portsmouth, Salford and Warwickshire – and especially the managers and staff who worked with the groups and made sure they could happen

■ Relate Centres in Portsmouth, Greater Manchester and Rugby, and especially the Relate practitioners who were involved in working with the groups

■ Women’s Aid Manchester and Motiv8 Portsmouth ■

■ evaluators at the Centre for Child and Family Research, Loughborough University ■

■ Mary Ryan, Sue Tuckwell and Dr Annmarie Turnbull for consultancy support ■

■ Helen Chambers of National Children’s Bureau ■

■ Dale Meegan and Jamie Murdoch of Relate Central Office.

And special thanks to the young people who took part in the project so enthusiastically and told us what they thought about it.

NCB’s mission is to improve children and young people’s experiences and life chances reducing the impact of inequalities.

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1

Introduction

Those closely involved in the lives of care leavers know that making and sustaining relationships can be an area of great difficulty for these young people. Many of them are overcoming the effects of childhood neglect and abuse, and, for some, the loss of their birth family too. Although these young people are on the threshold of adulthood, it is not uncommon for them never to have learnt how to satisfy that most human need of learning how to get on with others and all that it entails – trust, acceptance, self-awareness, responsiveness, confidence, sharing and more. This can leave them ill-equipped to make the journey towards a happy and fulfilled adult life.

Professionals, including foster carers, frequently express frustration about how little practical support or advice there is to help looked after young people learn how to be more successful in getting on with others. ‘Relationships Matter’ was developed to find an effective way to provide this support at a local level. A pilot project explored how to deliver an activities-based intervention for looked after young people that focused on developing their relationship and communication skills.

National Children’s Bureau combined their knowledge of the health and well-being needs of looked after young people with Relate’s experience of building communication and relationship skills. ‘Relationships Matter’ was developed and tested in partnership with three children’s services departments and their local Relate centres in Portsmouth, Salford and Warwickshire.

The project aimed to: ■

■ work with looked after young people aged 14 to 18 ■

■ focus on improving the relationship and communication skills of these young people ■

■ result in improved relationships between the young people and their peers and with professionals.

The outcome is a successful, practical and easy-to-deliver intervention that has been positively evaluated by Loughborough University. Relationships Matter was funded by a Department of Health grant and took place between 2008 and 2010.

In each of the three pilot locations – Portsmouth, Salford and Warwickshire – local partnerships were developed between the looked after children’s services in each area and the local Relate centres. The Relate centres were selected because they had extensive experience of working with vulnerable young people, and the children’s services because they had been involved in developing local healthy care programmes.

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How to make Relationships Matter for Looked After Young People – A handbook

A Project Advisory Group, chaired by Professor Mike Stein of York University, oversaw the development of the project and provided valuable advice and guidance. A list of Project Advisory Group members can be found in Appendix 1.

This handbook describes what Relationships Matter is, how similar projects can be delivered by local partnerships, and signposts sources of support and information. It is accompanied by a guide for managers and commissioners seeking to develop a local Relationships Matter partnership.

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2

A quick guide to

Relationships Matter

Relationships Matter is a tried-and-tested intervention for looked after young people that is concerned with the everyday business of getting on with people.

The benefits

For young people – It helps them to improve and practise their relationship and communication skills, while participating in activities of interest to them in positive peer groups.

For staff working with young people as part of the group – It increases their knowledge and competence about how to support young people to build their communication skills.

For children’s services – It helps them to prepare young people for the challenges of leaving care, by promoting the emotional well-being of young people and offering staff a practical way to support young people in learning how to be good communicators.

For children’s services – It can demonstrate how multi-agency services are meeting the ‘Being healthy’ outcome for looked after young people, which is reviewed in looked after children’s service inspections, and it can contribute to delivering the requirements of statutory and non-statutory looked after children’s health guidance.

Delivery

Using local partnerships Relationships Matter brings together experienced young people’s relationship skills facilitators from Relate and similar organisations to work with local children’s services providers. Together they plan and deliver a programme that uses regular leisure activities as a base for young people to explore how to get on better with others.

It can fit in with existing activities and programmes or be delivered as part of a specially planned activity programme. The activity must be ‘real’ – something that young people want to do, that is enjoyable and which presents them with a challenge.

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How to make Relationships Matter for Looked After Young People – A handbook

Relationships Matter uses the process of doing the activity together to provide rich, varied and non-threatening opportunities for learning about communication and developing relationship skills.

While taking part in the interactive activities young people explore issues such as: ■

■ What am I like? ■

■ Others and me. ■

■ Getting on with others. ■

■ Dealing with strong negative emotions. ■

■ Dealing with difficulties.

It is time limited and for example runs for between 8 and 12 weeks.

Does it work?

The programme has built-in evaluation tools so that young people, those delivering the programme and commissioners can see what has been achieved. It has been positively evaluated by the Centre for Child and Family Research at Loughborough University.

By focusing on building resilience, young people learn that they can make a difference and that their behaviour can change how things are. They will explore their strengths and get a chance to experience being part of a team. They will probably make some new friends and will certainly have the opportunity to reflect on what it means to be a good friend.

What young people said

Good to think

about what qualities

you like in a friend.

... it has helped

me respect myself

more ...

We really

encouraged each

other to do things

we hadn’t tried.

I learnt things about

myself and what I

want in a

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A quick guide to Relationships Matter

Relationships Matter groups were piloted in partnership with children’s

services and local Relate centres in three locations.

Each group was different in terms of the activity chosen by the young

people and those who took part.

Challenging and interesting activities were used as a platform to integrate

the Relationships Matter programme.

Portsmouth and Salford groups ran at the same time. Learning from these

groups informed the Warwickshire group that ran later.

A member of the Warwickshire group scaling a climbing wall

Portsmouth

A young people’s participation group was facilitated by Motiv8, a local arts project. Several of the young people lived in residential children’s homes. The group decided to organise a Halloween party. Relate practitioners worked with the arts youth workers to weave the Relationships Matter programme into the party planning. The group met for six weeks and for a whole day on the day of the party. They also enjoyed a team-building session at a local gym. Group size varied from 17 young people present at the first meeting to a regular 10 to 12 attending the other sessions. There were slightly more girls than boys in the group.

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How to make Relationships Matter for Looked After Young People – A handbook

Salford

A young men’s football group wanted to meet more often and try different activities. The group included some young people who were unaccompanied asylum seekers and a young person with learning difficulties. Relate practitioners worked with the leaving care staff team and a professional film-maker from Women’s Aid Manchester who was funded to work with young people. The young men preferred being active to talking! They made an animation film about ‘Respect’ and filmed some of the group’s team-building activities. Between 10 to 12 young men met for six weeks. The young men invited the head of the Leaving Care Service to the premiere of their film and were presented with certificates.

Warwickshire

Young people who had participated in a Right2BCared41 pilot project took part in this

group. They focused on making a rap CD, writing and recording raps about themselves and designing artwork to accompany the raps. They worked with a graffiti artist, an established rap artist (who had a care background himself) and spent a day at a local watersports park where they scaled a climbing wall and tried out other adventurous activities. Relate practitioners worked with a looked after young people’s youth worker who knew the young people from the Right2BCared4 pilot. It was a smaller group than those of the other two pilot groups: six young people met for eight weeks at a local youth club.

Young people wrote raps in the Warwickshire group

1 The Right2BCared4 pilot began in October 2007 in 11 local authorities and is based on the principles that: young people should not be expected to leave care until they reach the age of 18; they should have a greater say in the decision-making process preceding their exit from care; and should be prepared properly for living independently. The evaluation of the pilot can be found at:

https://www.education.gov.uk/publications/RSG/publicationDetail/Page1/DFE-RB106 (accessed 16 September 2011).

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3

Working with looked after

young people

Looked after young people are a unique group for many reasons. Those involved in delivering programmes such as Relationships Matter need to have a good understanding of this and of the lives of looked after children and young people.

Looked after young people have often had experience of physical and emotional neglect, physical and/or sexual abuse, poor parenting and family breakdown. Some of this may be linked to substance misuse and/or the mental health problems of their parents. Sometimes a young person may have returned home and gone back into care many times, with all the sadness and disappointment that brings. Their relationship with their family may have broken down completely or they may be living with relatives such as grandparents. They may have moved several times to different foster carers, residential children’s homes or perhaps boarding schools.

Once a child or young person comes into care, many professionals will be involved in their lives. The young person becomes the responsibility of their local authority who act as their ‘corporate parent’. Looked after young people are living not only with the impact of what led them to being taken into care, and but also adjusting to a very different life once they become looked after. Being in care aims to help children and young people be safer, healthier and happier as they grow up, but this is a difficult task and they will need skilled help and support from foster carers, residential child care workers, social workers,

therapists and others. Most of all they will need caring relationships with the adults who want the best for them.

The Relate practitioners who were involved in delivering the pilot Relationships Matter groups were very struck by just how much the young people were dealing with in their lives and just how special these groups were. As one of the practitioners commented:

These young people have had such varied life

experiences and it was a huge privilege when they felt

safe enough to share some of these experiences within

the group. The overriding feeling that I was left with is

that however well-intended some interventions may be,

these young people deserve consideration and respect

regarding the numerous changes in their lives and the

expectations upon them to continually adapt to new

places and engage with new people.

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How to make Relationships Matter for Looked After Young People – A handbook

The evaluation of the Relationships Matter project advised that those involved in

delivering the programme should have knowledge and experience of working with looked after young people. The Relate practitioners and local authority partners all agreed that this was essential.

Find out more about looked after young people’s lives

The Centre for Excellence and Outcomes in Children and Young

People’s Services The Vulnerable Children section covers how to promote

emotional health and well-being in looked after children and young

people, and how to support young care leavers in safe, settled

accommodation. It includes two videos about the transition from care to

independence as well as an online learning resource.

www.c4eo.org.uk (accessed 18 September 2011).

Who’s who in the care system describes the different professionals and

their roles in looked after young people’s lives.

http://www.thewhocarestrust.org.uk/pages/whos-who-in-the-care-system.html

(accessed 5 September 2011).

Promoting the health of young people leaving care by Ryan, M and

Chambers, H (2008) published by NCB and available at:

http://www.ncb.org.uk/healthycare/resources.aspx

(and select ‘Healthy care briefings’) (accessed September 2011)

Understanding why by Ryan M (2006) published by NCB. Understanding

attachment and how this can affect education, with special reference to

adopted children and young people and those looked after by local

authorities. Available at:

http://www.ncb.org.uk/healthycare/resources.aspx

(and select ‘For foster carers’) (accessed September 2011)

See also Appendix 2: Useful websites and resources

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4

Why focus on relationships

and communications skills?

There are over 64,000 looked after children and young people in England and the numbers are rising. Of these children and young people, 73 per cent live in foster care (Department for Education 2010), 11 per cent (mostly aged over 10) are living in residential children homes, a third live outside their local authority boundary, mostly within 20 miles of their home (Department of Children, Schools and Families and Department of Health 2009). Changes initiated by the Care Matters White Paper (HM Government 2007) has drawn attention to the need to provide longer and more supported transitions for looked after young people leaving care. This is more reflective of the extended transitions and ongoing support received by young people in the general population but the reality is that young care leavers still have to cope on their own at an early age.

In contrast to the extended transitions made by most

young people, the journey to adulthood for many young

care leavers is shorter, steeper and often more hazardous.

(Stein 2005)

There is good evidence that support received by young people leaving care can help them to make the transition to adult life more successful, for example, stable placements, good relationships with foster carers, engagement in education including further education, well-planned transitions to independent living and targeted support from leaving care services. However, young care leavers with the most complex needs and the most difficult care backgrounds do less well and continue to need extensive support (Stein 2005). Evidence also suggests that young care leavers who have good friendship and support networks are happier (Dixon 2008).

Recently published statutory guidance on promoting the health and well-being of looked after children and young people states:

Access to positive leisure activities is vital to well-being

and provides opportunities to meet and interact with

others, to build social or other skills and self-esteem, to

develop friendships and to come into contact with

trusted adults.

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How to make Relationships Matter for Looked After Young People – A handbook

Further recently published non-statutory public health guidance about promoting the quality of life for looked after children includes among its recommendations that:

Commissioners of health services and local authority

children’s services should commission services that

enhance the quality of life of the child or young

person by promoting and supporting their

relationships with others.

(National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence and Social Care Institute for Excellence 2010, p. 17)

Looked after young people have poorer mental health

than their peers

The mental health and emotional well-being of looked after children and a young people is known to be much poorer than their peers in the general population. The most extensive study of the mental health of looked after children and young people (Melzer and others 2002) found that among 11 to 15-year-olds who were looked after 55 per cent of boys and 43 per cent of girls had a mental health disorder. A study of looked after children and young people who had been in care for at least a year reviewed their case files at the point of entry into care and identified that at the point 72 per cent of looked after children aged between 5 and 15 had a mental or behavioural problem (Sempik and others 2008).

A later study noted that looked after young people with emotional, behavioural and mental health difficulties make less successful transitions to independent living and that this may lead to difficulties and poor outcomes in adult life (Dixon 2008).

Care leavers need support and friendship networks

Research tells us that young care leavers with strong friendship networks are more

content with their lives. It also reveals that those who have better life skills and social skills feel better about themselves and are more likely to continue to do so a year after leaving care (Dixon 2008).

For looked after young people friendship and support networks may not be strong because:

■ family relationships may be difficult or non-existent ■

■ they may have moved to a different area – including new schools or colleges ■

■ they may have experienced placement moves to new foster carers or residential settings, and for some this may have happened several times.

In addition they may lack the skills or confidence to make and keep friends. Learning how to get on with people is something that starts from birth, but for children who have experienced neglect or abuse this learning experience may have been fractured, broken or inconsistent, and in the worst cases children will have learnt to fear relationships and being close to people.

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Why focus on relationships and communications skills?

Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) will provide therapeutic interventions for children and young people with diagnosed mental health problems, which seeks to minimise the effects of earlier abuse or neglect. Yet many looked after young people are just a bit anxious, they don’t make friends easily or conversely they make and lose friends frequently – for many reasons ‘getting on with people’ is difficult for them. However, as they move into adult life ‘getting on with people’ is a key life skill that will make their lives easier – whether they are dealing with services like doctors or banks, staff and students at college, colleagues at work, or simply getting to know the

neighbours.

Looked after young people, like everyone else, want to have satisfying personal

relationships, to be liked and loved, but they may not have the experience or knowledge to negotiate their way around the complexities of making friends, sustaining friendships and being a good friend themselves. This can make them vulnerable to unhappy and failed relationships, including those that are abusive or manipulative, and lead to them not having a network of supportive relationships around them as they move into adult life. All young people are at a point in their lives when personal relationships – friends and intimate boyfriend/girlfriend relationships – become very important and looked after young people are no exception. Looked after young people, however, have less support around them to help them make sense of and learn how to negotiate the ups and downs of personal relationships.

Care leavers and loneliness

Looked after young people told the Children’s Rights Director for England in a report about young people leaving care, that the worst thing about leaving care is ‘Being on your own (loneliness)’ (Morgan and Lindsay 2006).

It is unusual these days for young people to leave home at an early age and it is also unusual for them to end up living alone. Most young people who leave home will go to college or move into shared accommodation with friends. They will also be able to go home whenever they want to and will be welcomed back. This is frequently not the case for looked after young people – the support they have to fall back on may range from phoning a professional during office hours to possibly extended family or foster carers who go the extra mile for the young people whom they have cared for. It can be lonely and once again leave young carers vulnerable to involvement in unsuitable relationships or to relationships that are not healthy but are preferable to no relationship at all.

Many young care leavers experience loneliness and

social isolation as they lose the supportive relationships

they had while in care. Leaving Care services regularly

report that sustaining friendships is very important for

young care leavers and helps them to develop a

supportive network.

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5

Getting it right –

shaping the groups

It was thought that it was important to learn from previous work in this area and to have a sound theoretical base upon which to build. A rapid review of the literature on this subject (Turnbull 2008) quickly revealed that there was little published evidence of

evaluated programmes run to enhance the communication and relationship skills of young people. Although there is much anecdotal reporting of programmes and projects, there were none that had been thoroughly evaluated, so there is little evidence available to suggest that they were effective.

However, the literature review did usefully highlight the factors that couldcontribute to the success of such programmes. These were:

1. Shape the content of the programme around

concepts of resilience and focus on strategies

to build resilience.

‘Resilience’ is often described as the ability to cope with and get over difficulties and adversity, which looked after young people will certainly have experienced in their lives. Those who work with looked after young people often say that they lack resilience – they can be easily put off, become downhearted and give up when faced with setbacks, don’t expect very much and lack the belief that things can be different.

An international review of research (Newman and Blackburn 2002) identified nine factors that help to build resilience in young people aged 13 to 19. While some of these factors are clearly outside of the scope of a Relationships Matter project, some could easily be incorporated. Thus opportunities were found to build into the Relationships Matter programme the factors highlighted in bold below:

strong social support networks

the presence of a least one unconditionally supportive parent or parent substitute

a committed mentor or other person from outside the family

positive school experiences

a sense of mastery and a belief that your own efforts can make a difference

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Getting it right – shaping the groups

the capacity to reframe adversities so that the beneficial, as well as the damaging, effects are recognised

the ability – or opportunity – to ‘make a difference’ by helping others or through part-time work

not to be excessively sheltered from challenging situations that provide opportunities to develop coping skills.

2. Successful programmes are SAFE.

The second factor was based on a US study of 73 after-school programmes aimed at enhancing personal and social development of children and young people (Durlak and Weissberg 2007). It found that effective programmes provided:

S a sequenced set of activities to achieve skill objectives

A used active forms of learning (they tried it out rather than were just told about it)

F focused on developing or learning personal or social skills E an explicit focus on targeting personal or social skills.

This meant that the programme needed to be clear about the skills it was seeking to help the young people develop, to offer them opportunities for active learning and to be specifically about relationship and communication skills.

3. Emotional literacy programmes offer detailed

curriculums that include communication and

relationship skills.

Programmes such as the Social and Emotional Aspects of Learning (SEAL) running in schools in England have much to offer. For example, SEAL focuses on the development of social and emotional skills in five areas: self-awareness, managing feelings, empathy, motivation and social skills.

Other programmes such as those used in youth work, juvenile justice programmes and domestic violence programmes (for example, the Women’s Aid ‘Expect Respect’ Education toolkit for children and young people, and National Children’s Bureau’s Life Routes) have all developed programmes that can be used or adapted for Relationships Matter groups. These are included in Appendix 2: Useful websites and resources.

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How to make Relationships Matter for Looked After Young People – A handbook

4. Initiatives that link communication and relationship

skills building to purposeful activities have been

successful.

This means that although young people want to participate in activities that are ‘real’ and have a purpose in their own right, it is possible to ‘bolt on’ a communication and

relationship skills element. So, for example, the Relationships Matter pilot projects focused on activities such as making an animation film, planning and enjoying a Halloween party, a graffiti art project, and trips out to use climbing walls and other adventurous activities. The activities had a purpose in their own right.

5. Focus on activities where young people work

collectively to make a difference – this can assist

emotional well-being.

There is good evidence (Margo and Sodha 2007) that involvement in extracurricular activities in group settings can lead to improved emotional well-being in children and young people. Involvement in group activities that have clear aims and something to work towards – for example, a performance – have been shown to be have a beneficial effect on the development of personal and social skills. The children and young people find that their actions impact on the world around them.

There are several reports of projects that sought to develop young people’s creativity, but found that they also developed their social skills in the process (Wright and others 2006). This neatly links with the resilience concept of self-mastery and that your own efforts can make a difference.

6. Ensure young people are responsible for

decision-making throughout.

Looked after young people repeatedly say how important it is for them to be listened to, involved in decisions made about them and to have a say about what happens in their lives. Children in Care councils introduced by the Care Matters White Paper (HM Government 2007) support this principle and provide a platform for looked after young people to say about what they think of the services provided for them. Children and young people’s participation is one of the underpinning principles of the healthy care standard (www.ncb.org.uk/healthycare).

All three pilot projects worked closely with the young people to make sure they were able to choose which activities they wanted to try, and that they were actively involved in all aspects of the project, including evaluating it (see Section 6).

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6

What happens in

Relationships Matter groups

Relate has extensive experience of working with young people on their communication and relationship skills in a variety of settings, from schools to youth offending services. A network of local centres around the country can provide trained and accredited Relate practitioners, many of whom are trained counsellors. Local Relate centres provide a management, supervision and training structure for their practitioners. This is a

considerable resource that is rarely considered by looked after children’s and leaving care services yet can have much to offer.

Relationships Matter groups are not therapeutic interventions; they are designed to provide safe and practical opportunities for young people to learn about and practise their communication skills. The Relate practitioners brought a range of skills and experience to the pilot groups about how to explore what happens in relationships and reflect on how we communicate with each other.

Working alongside looked after children’s workers who knew the young people, the Relate practitioners were able to seize opportunities to enable the group to think and talk about how communication affects relationships. The practitioners acted as role models, gave information, encouraged non-threatening reflection about what was happening and created opportunities for young people to try out different ways of behaving and

communicating. The work on communication and relationship skills was ‘implicit’ – that is, the explicit focus of the group was the chosen activity or task such as making a film – but the learning about communication happened as part of each session’s activity. The Relate practitioners worked flexibly to respond to opportunities for learning about

communication as they arose. By building relationships with the young people, they were able to explore and demonstrate what happens in everyday communication and draw on their skills to support the young people when they tried different ways of behaving and communicating.

Relate’s approach to working with young people is based upon its

intention to:

create an environment in which it is safe enough to share

offer skills that can be learnt and practised

encourage self-awareness

encourage understanding of others’ experiences and thoughts and

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How to make Relationships Matter for Looked After Young People – A handbook

develop an atmosphere where emotions and thoughts can be safely

expressed rather than repressed

acknowledge conflict as an ever-present but potentially manageable

part of life

allow sufficient time for review, reflection and action planning

celebrate success!

The Relationships Matter programme focused on a number of themes that can be

delivered sequentially or mixed and matched according to the needs of a group. The aim is to build the themes into the group activity so that exploring the themes is done as part of the activity. This provides the young people with opportunities to practise their skills in a real but safe way and reflect on their learning experience.

The themes are a generic starting point only and are used as a springboard for exploring a wide range of communication and relationship skills. Relate practitioners are experienced in working with vulnerable young people and are skilled in using the relationships they develop with the young person to explore communication issues. They have an extensive knowledge of interactive games, quizzes and activities that they can draw upon to explain or practise a skill or illustrate complex issues such as dealing with strong feelings or being sensitive to others. The sample activities described here are indicative only – there are many suitable activities, games and icebreakers that can be used to explore these themes. Some of these are listed in Appendix 2: Useful websites and resources.

The most important point is to be flexible so that activities are tailored to suit the needs, pace and learning styles of the young people. Some groups will enjoy a lot of physical games – for example, the Salford young men’s group relished interactive games and were not keen on talking too much, as described by one young man:

I met new people. I had a lot of fun. I learned something

new ... games – I never knew any of the games and how

to make a video.

The Warwickshire group were more interested in talking, but they needed an activity to get them going and launch them into a discussion:

It was fun doing graffiti. It made you feel how you feel

yourself and how others feel in relationships because we

talked about words.

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What happens in Relationships Matter groups

Table 1: Themes addressed in Relationships Matter groups

What am I like? Aims:

1. To encourage the building of supportive and empathic friendships.

2. To explore the effect of peer pressure. Learning objectives:

■ to understand some of the problems that can occur in relationships ■

■ to identify the qualities of a good friend, and understand what is important to us

and our peers

■ to understand how we can develop supportive friendships and how this can help

us deal with difficult situations and help others experiencing difficulties.

My thinking Aim:

1. To explore the way we think about ourselves and others. Learning objectives:

■ to understand that people have different ways of seeing themselves and others ■

■ to understand the difference between positive and negative thinking ■

■ to practise thinking more positively.

Others and me Aims:

1. To encourage young people to examine the way they see the world and assumptions they make.

2. To explore issues of difference and inclusion. Learning objectives:

■ to be able to express and understand our own and our peers’ assumptions and

attitudes to others

■ to understand how attitudes and assumptions can influence our behaviours and

feelings towards ourselves and others.

Getting on with

others Aim:1. To highlight the skills that can help you to get on with

people. Learning objectives:

■ to practise listening and speaking skills ■

■ to recognise the importance of body language and tone of voice in

communication

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How to make Relationships Matter for Looked After Young People – A handbook

Sample activity – Icebreaker

Five balls

You need five small juggling balls.

Start by passing the balls one at a time in a random order to group

members who say their name as they catch the ball and pass it on to

someone else in the group. Continue until everyone has had a go twice.

Then explain that you are going to start using more balls and the group

needs to see if it can keep five balls going at once. There will be dropped

balls – and laughter – so stop and start again. The group will find out that

balls can’t be thrown roughly or aggressively as a dropped ball stops the

game. Eventually the group will manage it.

Congratulate them on such good teamwork.

This game makes people practise eye contact and be responsive but

because it is about passing and catching so many balls, the young people

don’t have time to feel anxious or embarrassed. It can be played without

saying their names and just passing the balls.

Sample activity – What am I like?

Good and bad friends

You need felt tips and large sheets of paper and somewhere to display

them (the floor is fine).

In a group the young people will list and discuss the top ten qualities they

would like in a friend.

One group did this by drawing life-size outlines of two people and giving

them a few cartoon type features – hair, eyes, trainers, etc. One outline

becomes the friend you don’t want and the other the friend you do want

– the good and bad friends.

The young people are asked to add words – it can be done graffiti style if

they like – to describe the qualities of a good and bad friend. The young

people can just talk about it and group members or leaders can add the

words to the figures.

Take some time to talk about how friends behave and how we behave as

friends. What do we value in a friend?

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What happens in Relationships Matter groups

Sample activity – My thinking

Sandwiches

You will need the ingredients for

making a range of sandwiches plus

a kitchen or preparation space and

somewhere for people to wash

their hands.

Each member of the group is asked

to make some sandwiches of their

choice. Ask the group to sit together

with a cup of tea or coffee and

then move the sandwiches around

so that everyone has a different

sandwich to the one they made –

that’s the one they will be asked to eat (unless it is something they hate,

obviously). The activity is about sharing and how to handle something

happening that you didn’t choose. Ask the young people to say what they

like and don’t like about the sandwiches, but without complaining and

trying to use positive ‘I’ statements. So you can’t say: ‘

Whoever made this

sandwich put too much mayonnaise in it’

but you could say: ‘

I like my

sandwiches with just a little bit of mayonnaise.’

One group found this activity led to a discussion about what it was like to

share with people you didn’t know, for example, in a foster placement or

residential children’s home.

Sample activity – Getting on with others

The communications cake

You will need several large iced cakes and some icing gel pens (the kind

for writing on cakes). You could bake the cakes with the group if you have

the time and facilities.

Ask the group to work in pairs or groups of three to find out how much

of communication is about body language, the words we say and our tone

of voice. They need to draw the percentages on the cake. Discuss what the

real percentages are thought to be. (They are: body language 55 per cent,

words 7 per cent and tone of voice 38 per cent.) Cut the cake and eat it!

This is a good activity for explaining how communication is about more

than just words. It can lead on to activities where the young people

practise recognising the different elements of communication, for

example, games where you have to communicate a message to someone

without using words.

Young people from the Warwickshire group making sandwiches

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How to make Relationships Matter for Looked After Young People – A handbook

Sample activity – What am I like?

Combining rap writing and friendship discussions

The Warwickshire group worked with a professional rap artist (who had

been looked after himself, which the young people felt made him more

understanding of what life was like for them). The aim was for the young

people to write and perform their own raps which would be recorded.

They also worked with a graffiti artist to design their own artwork to

accompany the raps.

The rap artist was present for the session on good and bad friends. He

used this as a starting point for writing the raps: What kind of friends do

you want? How should a friend behave? What kind of friend are you?

This neatly combined the young people’s discussions about what they

wanted from friendship with the creative activity of writing a rap that

described their thoughts and feelings. They also had to perform in front of

the group, overcome nerves and receive praise.

On page 22 is an excerpt from one of the raps written by a member of

the group.

Sample activity – What am I like?

The toilet roll

Explain to the group that they are on a desert island. There is only one

toilet roll and in order to take a sheet, they must tell the group one thing

about themselves. Keep going as long it seems sensible – and tell them

not to make it too personal!

Gradually the young people will begin to listen to each other and they tell

each other things they haven’t shared before. They practise taking turns

and cooperating with each other, and learn that getting to know people

means finding out about them and telling them about yourself.

Building resilience

Relationships Matter groups were informed by the research into factors that can promote resilience in children and young people experiencing transitions. The groups sought to create opportunities to enhance young people’s experience of these factors and Table 2 below describes this. The groups specifically focused on the factors highlighted in bold, but it could be argued that participating in the groups can contribute to all of the factors.

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What happens in Relationships Matter groups

Table 2: How Relationships Matter groups can build resilience

Resilience factors How Relationships Matter groups can help

Strong social support networks. Young people will develop stronger relationships with peers in the group and that may result in new or more friendships.

Young people will be supported to have a positive experience as part of a group of peers.

The presence of a least one unconditionally supportive parent or parent substitute.

Focusing on young people’s relationship skills will help them to potentially develop stronger and more satisfactory relationships with carers, family and others adults involved in their care.

A committed mentor or other person from outside the family.

The young people will develop relationships with the adults working with the group. The aim is for the relationship to be an honest and supportive experience, even if it is time-limited.

Positive school experiences. Improving young people’s communication and relationship skills and encouraging them to reflect on this will help them to be more confident and competent in getting on with others in all spheres of life, including in school or college.

A sense of mastery and a belief that your own efforts can make a difference.

Young people will experience trying a challenging activity, find that they can do it and can also make a difference to others doing it. They will learn that they can change how they communicate and can have better relationships with others.

Participation in a range of

extracurricular activities. Young people will be encouraged and supported to get involved in positive and challenging activities and to reflect on the benefits of participating. The capacity to reframe

adversities so that the beneficial, as well as the damaging, effects are recognised.

The group will be encouraged to overcome difficulties together and to explore how to solve practical problems as well as those thrown up every day in our relationships and communication with others.

The ability – or opportunity – to ‘make a difference’ by helping others or through part-time work.

Young people will be encouraged to help others within the group and learn about how to be a supportive friend.

Not to be excessively sheltered from challenging situations that provide opportunities to develop coping skills.

The group activity will have some element of challenge and young people will learn practical ways to cope with difficulties. The workers will support and guide the young people through difficulties – whether practical and physical or about their emotions and feelings.

Based on the nine factors that help to build resilience in 13- to 19-year-olds listed in Newman, T and Blackburn, S (2002) Transitions in the Lives of Children and Young People: Resilience factors. Interchange 78. Edinburgh: Scottish Executive. Available at:

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How to make Relationships Matter for Looked After Young People – A handbook

Broken Hearted Love

I don’t want a boy who treats me wrong

I want a man who writes me a love song

I don’t want a boy who shares

I want a boy who cares

I don’t want a boy who wants a quick fling

I want a man who wants the real thing

I don’t want a boy who thinks they’re clever

I want a man who will love me forever

I don’t want a boy who will push me in a puddle

I want a man who will give me a cuddle

Unsure of emotions What? Where? If?

You gotta be mature if you’re gonna get Tiff

Emotions rattle just like a medley

You have to be strong to be with Tiff

I don’t want a boy who thinks he is right

I want a man who will be with me all night

I don’t want a boy who wants to impress

I want a man who will buy me a wedding dress

I don’t want a boy who will take me on a joy ride

I want a man who will stay by my side

Included with the kind permission of the author Tiffany Hedli who participated in the Warwickshire Relationships Matter group

(29)

7

Building in evaluation

The Relationships Matter pilot groups used an evaluation and monitoring framework developed by the Centre for Child and Family Research at Loughborough University. As the groups were pilots it was necessary to learn as much as possible about their progress, what worked and what didn’t. This enabled key learning about how to deliver Relationships Matter groups effectively. It also had the added benefit of providing tools that could be used again in future groups.

The Relationships Matter evaluation framework

A course delivery summary sheet was completed by the workers delivering the programme after each session. It was done jointly and enabled them to chart the different themes addressed in the group and assess how well they had been covered. They used it much like a diary to record what happened each week and a quick checklist to review what had been covered session by session.

A self-efficacy questionnaire was completed by the young people at the beginning and end of the group. It takes the form of a simple multiple-choice tickbox. A copy can be found in Appendix 3.

Self-efficacy is about how well people think they can complete tasks or handle difficult situations. This links well with the concept of resilience and in particular the focus on self-mastery and believing that your own efforts can make a difference. The self-efficacy questionnaire is a validated tool. It is widely used and there are other data sets available about how different groups of people have scored it, which can be used for comparison. This is valuable as it means the scores for the

Relationships Matter groups could be compared with other groups involving young people of a similar age. It is also flexible so, for example, five extra questions were added that related directly to the Relationships Matter programme. The

questionnaire was analysed anonymously.

Some young people completed the questionnaire themselves, others did it with the help of a worker, and the young people in one group did it as a game to make sure everyone understood the questions (but they still completed their own forms). The questionnaires can also be downloaded from

http://userpage.fu-berlin.de/~health/selfscal.htm (accessed 5 September 2011). Young people who took part in the Relationships Matter groups showed a positive change in terms of self-efficacy – although small, it was significant both for the general questionnaire and for the extra Relationships Matter questions. It must be

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How to make Relationships Matter for Looked After Young People – A handbook

said that the young people did not always find the questions easy to understand, and if the questionnaire is used again, it may need to be amended. However, the young people did not object to completing it.

A photo elicitation activity was incorporated into the groups. The young people were invited to photograph their activities week by week. They were each given a disposable camera, but a digital camera could just as easily have been used, had one been available.

At the last session of the group the young people reviewed their photographs and discussed them. The workers used this as an opportunity to revisit the previous week’s different activities and experiences of the group and asked the young people to answer three questions to help tell a story about the group:

■ What I did

■ What I liked

■ What I didn’t like.

This activity was overwhelmingly successful. The young people enjoyed taking the photos and talking about them, and engaged enthusiastically in describing what they had done. All the young people were given copies of their photos to keep.

It was necessary to ask the young people (and their parents/carers if appropriate) for permission to have their photos taken. Care must always be taken when using photography: there are issues for some looked after young people about whether or not they may have their photos taken. This should be addressed at the planning stage; you need to be very specific about what the photos will be used for and where they may be displayed or reproduced. Ask the local looked after children’s service if it has a policy and a photo permissions form about photography and abide by this.

What the young people said:

... it’s gone so quickly. It’s a short time, only 7 days.

I want more, 2 months, 3 months ...

It was good working with a group who were in the same

situation as each other [being in care] as I felt I could

talk more openly and feel comfortable.

(31)

Building in evaluation

What the children’s services workers and other

partners said:

The young people enjoyed spending time together and

doing activities. The film making was very positive. The

young people enjoyed achieving something in a short

time. The celebration meal and presentation at the end

of the course was really positive for the young people.

The quality time that workers and young people spent

together strengthened the relationships.

The Relate staff were extremely helpful and enthusiastic

and coped with the demands of the group really well.

They were really committed to the task at hand and

built some really positive relationships with the young

people.

One young person has really calmed and his attitude

towards staff is much improved.

I think this is a fantastic project/idea that should be

rolled out across the country. I have worked as a

residential social worker for over seven years and

young people in care are often not catered for and

more often than not they slip through every net there

is. People need to work with young people with

complex needs in a creative and positive way and give

them the independency skills needed to survive and

reach their potential. I am very pleased to have been

involved in the pilot.

What the Relate practitioners said:

Anyone working on this course needs to not only have

an understanding of attachment but some experience of

working with teenagers and preferably those who are in

care as well.

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How to make Relationships Matter for Looked After Young People – A handbook

This was a challenging but positive experience. The

young people were lovely but quite demanding! The

workers need to have a strong relationship with each

other so they can support each other with the

delivery of material and also be there for a debrief

after each session.

Finally, a foster carer described how a young person’s behaviour had changed since taking part in a Relationships Matter group. Although she could not say whether the two were definitely connected, she thought something had changed in how he managed his behaviour. She explained how he behaved following a serious let-down about an activity he really wanted to do:

He was extremely disappointed, but kept himself

together until he got in the car and then he sobbed

quietly and when we got home he didn’t go off in a

strop, he asked if he could go and help with his friends

ponies, which he did, and when he came back he was

his usual reasonable self, having talked it over sensibly

with the ponies’ owner (a mature lady in her late 50s)

and the ponies! In the past, that level of

disappointment would have led to a ”full blown” strop.

He would have started crying and howling almost

instantly and this would have gone on for more than

an hour, and he would have stamped upstairs, banged

on all the doors and he would have verbally abused

everyone in his way.

She went on to say:

I will tell you that R—, didn’t really want to do this

course ... We asked him to go to the first meeting and

give it a go, which he did. When he came back he

seemed to have had a good time, and at the end of the

course I asked him if he had learnt anything, and he

replied that he didn’t think so.

The Relationships Matter workers reported that this young person had excellent

attendance and was a very enthusiastic participant throughout; he also asked if the group could go on for longer.

(33)

8

Planning and delivering a

Relationships Matter group

The key factors for the successful delivery of Relationships Matter groups have been identified by the pilot projects and the evaluation of Relationships Matter.

Stage 1: Preparation and planning

1. Form a strong local partnership

The most crucial factor is to develop a good local partnership between looked after children’s services/leaving care services2 and local providers such as Relate.3 It is important

to find a local partner who has experience of working with vulnerable young people – and specifically of looked after young people – and of delivering communications and

relationship skills training. Youth workers, social workers, mental health professionals, counsellors and teachers may have the necessary experience and skills but be sure they can focus on communication and relationship skills too because Relationships Matter is about more than having a good time and participating in group activities.

The involvement of a senior manager within looked after children’s or leaving care services is essential. They need to understand what the group is about and give senior level

approval. They can act as a champion for the group within looked after children’s services and will have a good overview of who within children’s services might be best placed to support or develop a Relationships Matter group. They can also help to negotiate around issues such as budget, resources and staffing and will also be able to help should

difficulties arise or unexpected issues need to be resolved. They will be particularly interested in the outcomes of the group – what difference did it make to the young people who took part? This evidence of impact will be important in helping senior managers see how to make Relationships Matter work more sustainably in the long term so that it is more than just a one-off event.

2 To find out more about looked after children’s services visit http://www.C4EO.org.uk and explore the vulnerable children section. See also http://www.thewhocarestrust.org.uk/pages/whos-who-in-the-care-system.html for a description of ‘who’s who in the care system’.

3 Relate centres have trained counsellors and practitioners and the support of a nationally accredited organisation with quality standards and supervision for staff. There may be other local organisations that can deliver a similar programme for example young people’s counselling services or third sector organisations with expertise in young people’s services.

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How to make Relationships Matter for Looked After Young People – A handbook

2. Make sure the delivery team has the right experience, skills

and support

Looked after children and young people have had complex and difficult life experiences. It is essential that practitioners working on the communication and relationship skills part of Relationships Matter groups have specific knowledge and understanding of this. The external evaluation of Relationships Matter recommended that workers must have either appropriate training or previous experience of working with looked after children and young people. See Appendix 2 for useful resources about the lives of looked after children and young people.

The pilot groups found that those practitioners who had previous experience of working with looked after children in other professional roles were better prepared and more confident in delivering the programme. They were aware that although looked after young people had much in common with other vulnerable groups their needs and experiences of becoming and being looked after made them quite different too.

A Relate practitioner commented:

... it is the most challenging course I have tried to deliver

in terms of time and emotions.

The Relate practitioners who took part in the pilot groups all thought that having knowledge and understanding of theories such as attachment were essential for working with this group of young people. They found they needed to be highly sensitive to a whole range of issues and potential issues, for example, discussing friendships within a group where some members may have no friends and others may have had experiences of being abandoned, neglected or abused by those closest to them. The Relate practitioners found they needed all their skill and ingenuity to make such issues as friendship safe to explore and find a way for young people to try out different behaviours. Relate practitioners all have management and clinical supervision skills that aim to ensure Relate’s quality and safety standards are met. It is strongly recommended that all groups endeavour to have practitioners with these skills.

The pilot groups benefited enormously from working as a team with looked after children’s services staff or staff from related services such as looked after children’s youth workers. They knew the young people and already had a relationship with them. This meant that they were able to deal with practical issues such as liaison with carers and social workers, sorting out permissions to attend activities, arrangements for getting to and from the group and following up young people who missed sessions or needed some extra support if a problem arose in their life while they were part of the group.

The groups worked best when the Relate practitioner and looked after children’s staff member/s planned the group together and met regularly before, during and after the group so that it was a joint enterprise. It had the added benefit of increasing the capacity and confidence of looked after children’s staff to work on communication and relationship issues and enabled Relate practitioners to extend their knowledge and experience of working with looked after children and young people.

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Planning and delivering a Relationships Matter group

3. Identify a funding stream

The main cost for Relationships Matter groups – from looked after children’s services and from Relate or a similar organisation – is staff time. The time it takes to plan these groups must not be underestimated and is key to their success.

The costs of the pilot groups based on a six-week group

Two Relate workers: time spent on planning and delivery – £2,000

One or two looked after children’s services workers: time spent on planning and delivery – local costs

Photography: disposable cameras for each young person plus developing (it can be cheaper to use digital cameras, this means that young people don’t have their ‘own’ camera to record what they wish and when they wish) – £100

Activities – £1,000

Transport costs – dependent on location and activity

NB: Both the Salford and Warwickshire groups had budgets of £1,000 each for activities, including transport, a day trip out to an exciting activity, and a celebration meal (Warwickshire) and an award ceremony and film viewing (Salford).

Remember, we recommend that the group should run for 12 weeks so costs will be increased accordingly.

The group will need funding to pay for: ■

■ The activity, venue and young people’s travel costs if required. This may already be covered with an existing group.

■ Relationships Matter practitioners, whether from Relate or another organisation, will need to include as much planning and preparation as delivery time as the group must be designed to match the young people’s needs.

■ A looked after children’s service representative to work with the young people alongside the Relationships Matter practitioner. They will deliver the programme and link up with the young people before and after the group. This person may already be available and able to do this as part of their existing role – for example a looked after young people’s participation worker or a residential child care worker.

■ Any special activities planned for the group – for example, a celebration at the end of the activity, certificates, etc. This is strongly recommended for all groups.

■ Photography will be part of the group activity. It can be cheaper if a digital camera is made available to the group.

■ Catering, food and drinks. Starting a session with a drink and a snack or perhaps sharing a meal together at some point is a good idea. It will depend on the needs of each group.

References

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