The Golden Rule Workbook

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the Golden Rule

Workbook

Published by GRO Copyright  1999 7450 W 52nd Ave #M241 Arvada, CO 80002 First Printing ISBN 0-9660015-1-6

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Chapter One

Overview

The word “Love” has come to mean two very different things. In fact, the meanings are essentially opposite of each other. But most people don’t ever think of it, and continue to use the exact same word (love) for both things.

The first kind of love could be called “Pure love”. Pure love is an outflowing, giving, caring kind of love - it could also be called “Unselfish Love”. Pure love is the kind of love that is related to things like: “Love thy neighbor”; Santa Claus; Caring love for your family and friends; Charity; Helping disaster victims; etc.. It is the kind of love that the selfish side of yourself gets nothing out of, but that the “good” side of yourself gets a “warm” feeling from.

The next kind of love that is commonly referred to, is actually nothing like “Pure love”. It is really just a feeling of pleasure that comes with “getting” something you want or like (physically or emotionally). It doesn’t matter if it comes from someone else somehow giving you something you like, or it is from self-indulgence. It is all self-gratifying. So let’s call that kind of love “selfish love”. Here are just a FEW quotes that are examples of this: “I love ice cream”, “I love football”, “I love presents”, “I love chocolate”, “I love the islands”, “I love BMW’s”, “I love beer”, etc..

Such selfish “love” crosses over into our relationships also. “I love Sam” (or “I love Marsha”) for instance, can actually mean you just love the attention, energy, and pleasure they give you. Relationships can involve a mixture of selfish love, and Pure love, but many start with (and are actually based on) selfish love primarily or totally. And many relationships break up because of that. When a relationship is based on the self-gratifying pleasure you get from your partner, it results in a sort of “addiction” to one degree or another. You can then end up with addictive behavior - possessiveness, jealousy, rejection, and all the other selfishly spawned causes of pain and turmoil that come with such addiction.

Pure love, being the opposite of selfish, creates no addiction. It craves nothing for itself. It thus heals rather than hurts. It cares rather than “blocks out” and ignores. It can improve your life, the lives of those around you, and ultimately, the whole world.

Totally Pure love is not contaminated at all with selfishness, or selfish love. This is important, because like any contaminant, any selfishness can taint and ruin everything. It’s like putting drops of poison in an entire jug of pure water - it contaminates the whole jug. Or like e-coli bacteria in a batch of hamburger - the whole batch gets contaminated, and becomes unhealthy.

The Golden Rule to the Rescue.

We’ll define it more later, but basically, the “rule” part of the “Golden Rule” is to “love unselfishly” -to focus on and give Pure love.

Pure love encompasses all the spiritual virtues involved with simply being a “good” person. For example, caring, kindness, compassion, tolerance, sharing, giving, harmlessness, respecting the free will choices of others (if harmless), etc., are all results of loving unselfishly.

Pure love isn’t unconditional love - you can be unselfishly loving and still “put your foot down”. In other words, one who applies the Golden Rule in life, is reasonably kind, reasonably giving, but not unconditionally kind, unconditionally giving, etc..

The Purpose of the Golden Rule Workbook

This workbook gives examples of the benefits of living by the Golden Rule, and how to apply it more in your life, in many different circumstances. For instance, the techniques and methods included here, can help you have more caring interactions with everyone everyday, from cashiers or “bus boys”, to your spouse. But you can take it even further if you want to.

In our opinion, working on applying the Golden Rule with others of like-mind can provide you the greatest opportunity for personal spiritual development. If you want to work with others, you can join or create anything from a weekly Golden Rule study group/club, to a Golden Rule fellowship or intentional living program. It all depends on how “in-depth” you want to get with it. Golden Rule Workgroups can be comprised of your spouse alone, your present friends, family, or members of your religion. If no one you know wants to do it with you, you can make new friends at an already existing Golden Rule study group, or a cooperating spiritual fellowship.

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All “good” people are essentially just one big “family” within the human race. And all good people, relate to the Golden Rule. It’s a non-denominational universal concept that involves individual spirituality, rather than religion. Practicing the Golden Rule doesn’t require anyone to change religions, leave their religion, or join a religion if they don’t have one. If you belong to a church, synagogue, temple, ashram, etc., and you like the idea of the Golden Rule, you can talk to the appropriate congregation leaders about starting sanctioned Golden Rule “clubs” or “study groups”. If you don’t have a religion, but would like to participate in a Golden Rule oriented fellowship with like-minded individuals, we are building a referral database of both independent Golden Rule Study Groups/Clubs (not affiliated with any religion), and Golden Rule groups affiliated with known sympathetic churches/temples/etc..

A Benny for Your Thoughts

Benjamin Franklin once set out to write a book very much like this one. He had developed specific techniques for perfecting oneself through the development of virtues. It was to be called “The Art of Virtue”, but was never finished. More importantly perhaps, Franklin also intended to create an organization and “secret society” based on that idea. He strongly believed that if even a few people committed their lives to developing the virtues of being a “good” person, and then secretly recruited friends and family, over time it would spread from one person to the next, and eventually create a new and better society. Part of his plan was for the program to be universal - not to be limited to any one religion, and to avoid alienating any religion. The need for secrecy was primarily due to the threat of being charged with heresy in those days. That particular threat is gone in this day and age, and we can openly pursue such a wonderful non-denominational program. It is our hope and belief that this book, and the creation of Golden Rule Organization (GRO), fulfills his goals and dreams.

Read before Using

If you intend to use this workbook to help you apply the Golden Rule in your life, please read it all the way through one time, and then re-read it again. This is necessary because many of the concepts presented here, cross-over with each other, and are subsequently scattered throughout the book. Thus, if you aren’t familiar with all the concepts, you may not fully understand everything until after you’ve read it through once, and read it again.

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Chapter Two

The Golden Rule

and Its Significance

Like the meaning of love, “The Golden Rule” can mean different things to different people. But before getting into intellectually defining the Golden Rule with words alone, I’ll tell you a couple of stories that define it through example.

Long ago I had a simple little experience during a meal, that stayed with me as a vivid memory for the rest of my life.

I was visiting a friend of mine who was a monk, at the monastery he lived in. Time flew by. Soon, afternoon began its transformation to evening, and I was invited to stay for dinner. At this particular monastery, they always ate dinner together at a large table. There was the usual clatter and commotion, but something very unusual happened. As I was just about to reach for a pitcher of milk, someone got to it first. But rather than pouring themselves a glass, they poured me a glass, and set the pitcher back down. I was a bit stunned. Now, keep in mind, I was accustomed to having waiters serve me at restaurants, or my mother at home, or a host/hostess at a dinner party. But this was very different. This was just another person who was eating at the table. There was no one playing the role of waiter or hostess. After the food was brought out to the table, it was just a bunch of people sitting down to a bunch of food, and partaking in it. In that situation, most people just “dig in” and grab whatever they want for themselves, and focus on their own eating. So when one of these strangers (who was also just having dinner as I was) performed this simple, natural act of getting and pouring milk for me rather than for himself, it was an odd experience. But it was even more striking because my need for the milk wasn’t expressed. My wanting milk was

anticipated, rather than asked for. It was so striking in fact, that it seemed like “ESP” to me, or like the

person was psychic. But he wasn’t. He probably saw me looking at the pitcher, and was just that

sensitive, that caring about his guest, and acted on it. Or maybe he was a bit psychic. Doesn’t matter.

The point is, it was a little example of the Golden Rule in action.

While the above example shows how living by the Golden Rule can work in the little “day to day” aspects of daily life, it’s far more than just a “have a nice day” casual principle. It can also be so powerful as to change the world. Here’s a short, wonderful old parable, that does a pretty good job of giving an example of that:

There was a man who died and was being taken to heaven by angels. The angels said to him, “We are going to take you to heaven, but first we will show you hell.”

The angels then took him to a place where there was a great bowl, so great that it was as big as a lake. The bowl was filled with a nutritious stew. All the way around the sides of this bowl were people. Emaciated, starving, miserable people. These people had spoons to eat the stew with, and the spoons were long enough to reach the stew (about 12 feet). The trouble was, while they could scoop up the stew into the spoon, they could not get it into their mouths because the spoons were too long. So here were all these pathetic people, suffering and moaning in agony, constantly trying to eat the food that was abundantly in front of them - all in vain. Next, the angels took the man to heaven. To his surprise, he saw the same scene! There it was, a giant lake-like bowl of the same stew, surrounded by people with 12 foot long spoons. Yet something was different here - all these people were smiling, happy, and healthy looking!

“Why? What is the difference here that these people are happy and well fed?”, the man said to the angels.

They replied, “Have you not eyes to see?”. The man looked more carefully, and observed that one person would scoop up the stew, and bring it to the mouth of another. Then someone else would scoop up stew and feed it to the other.

The angels smiled and said, “Here the people feed each other. Here are the people that learned the way of Love.”

The above story uses a striking allegorical fantasy to clearly illustrate a fundamental difference between a world of people who are looking out for themselves first, and a world of people who make caring for others their first priority. That’s what the Golden Rule is all about. The story exemplifies living by the Golden Rule, or not living by it, in a nutshell. But it’s more than just a story. It truly represents the real difference that living by the Golden Rule could make in our world. It shows us how unselfishly loving others,

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is not only Pure love, but pure, real spirituality. And even if you cannot change the world so profoundly, it still represents what kind of a spiritual world we can eventually live in if we live by the Golden Rule, and make ourselves deserving citizens of paradise.

A Universal Concept

One of the beauties of the Golden Rule is its total universality. It goes beyond being just non-denominational and omni-non-denominational. As you will note in the above story, the issue of religious persuasion or faith was irrelevant. Assuming the people in that story were of various persuasions, it was their Pure love or selfishness that ultimately made the difference in their circumstances. The division between the “happy” place and the “miserable” place, wasn’t between Christians with 12 foot spoons, or Buddhists with 12 foot spoons, or agnostics with 12 foot spoons - or even an issue of who had spoons or not. The thing that separated those people in the story (as it does in reality too), was whether or not they’d learned that living by having Pure love was more important than variations in their belief systems. And that’s what this is all about. The concept of the Golden Rule applies to all good, caring, giving people, regardless of religion, faith, or lack of faith. It is a universal principle that anyone anywhere can use to improve their life, the lives of those around them, and ultimately, the whole world. Isn’t that incredible, exciting, amazing and wonderful!?

The Golden Rule has a variety of typical definitions, which essentially all have the same meaning. Sometimes it’s interpreted as “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”, or “Love thy Neighbor as thy self”. We would add “Do no harm to others” and “Think of others first” to that list. They are all good definitions in our opinion, and you can see how they are all reflected in the above parable. But all those definitions and sayings are really “by-products” of “Pure love/Unselfishly loving others”. Pure love covers them all, and is the mother of them all. So to clarify the definition used in this book, when we say living by “the Golden Rule”, we basically mean living by “unselfishly loving others”.

While such “Golden Rule” principles are included in the beliefs of many spiritual traditions, in the Christian oriented parts of the world the Golden Rule is commonly attributed to a quote from Jesus. Here is how it reads in the Bible (From the Gospel of John, King James version, chapter 13): “A new

commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another”. That

quote seems to make it crystal-clear that Pure love, unselfishly loving others (as Jesus did) is the ultimate commandment Christians are supposed to live by. But the concept itself (Pure love or living by unselfishly loving others), is not exclusive to any religion. The same principle is also a belief of all basically “good” people, religious or not. It can include those of any faith, and those who have no faith. You may disagree, but it appears that based on Jesus’ own words, as long as someone obeys His commandment to love one another as He did, they are also “followers” of His - they are also Christians. But denominational labels and semantics aside, it is our opinion that those who indeed live by that beautiful Golden Rule, are behaving in a most spiritually responsible manner. The fact that they are also subsequently being a real Christian as directly defined by Jesus, is interesting though. But in any case, following the Golden Rule means being a caring spiritual person, regardless of “label” or “affiliation”. In that sense, as we said earlier, the Golden Rule is strikingly (and wonderfully) universal.

If you really think about it, there are few things that are so cross-cultural and universal. Perhaps the most universal, is a smile. Music can often cross cultures too. But when it comes to cross-cultural spiritual

or moral concepts, the Golden Rule has no rival. While people often disagree on religion & politics, most

everyone can agree on the “goodness” and “right-ness” of living by the Golden Rule, regardless of culture or religious belief. Thus it’s an ideal in which all kind hearted people can join together towards the common goal of manifesting Pure love and its virtues (kindness, compassion, tolerance, peace, sharing, giving, etc..) in tangible ways, for the mutual betterment of themselves, and all creation.

Why the Golden Rule is the “Big Key” to Solving All of Life’s Problems

The great need for the Golden Rule is as simple as the Rule itself. Just take that parable about the people with the 12 foot spoons, and apply it in present-day, real-world situations. People are suffering all over the world. Even those who seem to be happy, often actually have a painful empty pit inside them that they attempt to ignore by constantly chasing after diversions and fun. Alcohol and drugs are used to try and cope with it sometimes too, even in the “best of families” and amongst the wealthy who have everything they want (materially). Then of course there are the various wars and oppressions.

So what’s the problem? Why can’t people be happy, and live in peace and cooperation? If you objectively look around at the world, and at people’s lives, you can trace all problems to one thing - selfishness. That’s right, just that ONETHING. If you thought greed or hate were the big problems, you’re right, but think further. Greed is just one aspect of selfishness, one “branch”. So is hate, lust, theft, starting wars, killing, jealousy,

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envy, etc., etc.. And all of those branches of selfishness have “sub-branches” too. For instance, the reason for some people losing their jobs, or things like the destruction of a rainforest, or over-fishing to extinction, is “greed”. But again, greed is just a branch of that ONETHING. You name the problem, its real source is selfishness. “A person who is religiously enlightened appears to me to be one who has liberated himself from the fetters of his selfish desires and is preoccupied with thoughts, feelings and aspirations to which he clings because of their superpersonal value.” -Albert Einstein

Unlike the common phrase “fight fire with fire”, you usually get better results fighting fire with water. So what better to fight selfishness with, than it’s opposite - unselfishness. Enter the Golden Rule. The answer, and the cure to all of life’s problems. Using a “Christ/Anti-Christ analogy, selfishness is like “the Anti-Christ” principle, and The Golden Rule is like “the Christ” principle. Once that is clearly understood, the only trick is implementing it in your life, and helping others do the same. Which brings us to the next prerequisite - understanding the source of selfishness.

Selfishness is a result of separation. It’s an outgrowth, and outcome, of being separate. Separate from what? Everyone and everything “else”. Separate from others, separate from nature/the Universe/God. If you totally feel and believe that you are a separate being from everyone else, and everything else in the Universe, it’s naturally “you against the world”. Me first. Look out for number one. It all makes total sense from that separate perspective. But the truth is that we are all One creation - scientifically speaking, and spiritually speaking.

Looking at it scientifically without a religious or spiritual viewpoint, scientists know we are all made of the same essential “stuff”, and the Universe is one thing, one energy, forming unimaginable numbers of parts of creation. Even if you take the stance that humans just “developed” awareness through evolution, that self-awareness is still what is behind humans seeing themselves as separate, and getting “out of harmony” with everything else in the Universe and nature. With that “self-consciousness” you have the separate self contemplating its “me against the world (or against the Universe)” scenario.

Theologically, you can consider it like the story of Adam and Eve, or fallen angels (whether you wish to interpret that allegorically or factually). Rebelling against the One God, caused a separation or “cut off” from the One God, and again, suddenly, there was the separate self contemplating it’s “me against the world (or against the Universe/God)” scenario.

So anyway you look at it, the result is the same. The “I, me, mine” thinking and behaving begins. And with that, greed, jealousy, fear, intolerance, hate, etc., etc., and all the problems that creates. But we all have both a selfish-side self (that contributes to those problems), and a “soul”, “spirit” or “good” side too.

Other than humans who let their selfish-side control them (most humans), everything else in the Universe functions as one harmonious system. Disjointed, separate thinking and behavior, interferes with that harmony, and creates disruptive “ripples in the pond” that can cause pain and suffering. And when those ripples we create hit the edge of the pond, they bounce back in even more complex patterns. Again, selfishness, and it’s endless cycle of desire and fear, causes all the problems in our personal lives, as well as the world. It’s easy to see for those who don’t deliberately make themselves “blind” because of their selfishness and fear.

Once you have identified the problem, you can find a solution. In this case, since the real problem behind everything is selfishness and separation from the Universe/God, the solution is unselfishness, transcending the illusion of separation, and returning to oneness and harmony with the Universe/God. Anything that can help that process (as long as it’s harmless), is a good thing as far as I’m concerned. The Golden Rule and its offspring virtues, are thus a “big key”, and perfect way to achieve the above goal. And even if living by the Golden Rule didn’t achieve that lofty goal, it’s still a “win - win” situation, because you become a better person, feel better, and help others. It just makes common sense.

Ironically, while the Golden Rule is intellectually well known by almost everyone, it seems to be stuck in some mental file cabinet within the dusty archives of people’s brains. It’s amazing when you think about it. The Golden Rule is probably the most vital, positive, constructive principle in the world (in both a spiritual and practical sense) - and it’s always been just “sitting there” right before us, waiting for us to notice it, take it and use it. It’s likely we even heard about it from our mother or family when we were children. There in the recesses of our mind, is this incredible, powerful, yet simple, universal, common sense means of developing true spirituality, improving our lives and the lives of others. It’s so simple, so basic, so truly profound in a real sense - yet it’s often not even thought of by most of us as we search for “profound” spiritual knowledge, truths, and beliefs. And even if it is thought of, it’s often not thought of as being as significant as it really is. Or it’s just misunderstood, ignored, or given up on. But that is all changing.

The Golden Rule seems to have been lying dormant within the hearts and minds of many good people like some kind of spiritual “time capsule” waiting to be opened. Benjamin Franklin said, “You will observe with concern how long a useful truth may be known and exist, before it is generally received and practiced on.” Well,

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the “useful truth” of the Golden Rule has been around a very long time, yet it seems that only now is it really beginning to be generally received and practiced on by many people. Its time has finally come. The response we (the Golden Rule Organization [GRO]) have been getting to the idea of people implementing the Golden Rule in their lives, is remarkable.

People everywhere are responding, and experiencing an “awakening” of the Golden Rule within themselves. And as they each start living by the Golden Rule, and discussing its simple beauty with acquaintances, friends, family, and neighbors, some of them respond to it also. In this time of so much change and turmoil in the world, the “common sense” of the Golden Rule, is creating a “common spirituality”, and spreading on a grass roots level. And as Franklin seemed to grasp, it is a movement that will eventually spread amongst those of like-mind throughout the world.

The time you spend on developing your own unselfish love, and on spreading it to others, is invaluable. Here’s a nice thought from Albert Schweitzer - “You must give some time to your fellow men. Even if it’s a little thing, do something for others - something for which you get no pay but the privilege of doing it.”

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Chapter Three

My experience with the Golden Rule

When I was younger, the selfish way many people lived and treated each other, left me confused and miserable. I couldn’t relate to (or go along with) the “dog eat dog” ways of the world. I naturally wanted to end my suffering and confusion, and was desperate for answers about life and spirituality -answers that made sense. Such -answers were hard to come by. I went from being a “believer” in my family religion, to an atheist, to an agnostic, then back to a believer in God again (but unsure in what form or concept). I became an insatiable spiritual seeker, looking for that path of total truth and consistent answers that “put it all together”. I found “threads” and “bits & pieces” here and there, but never found something that totally, as a whole, “rang the inner bells of truth”. Then one day I did. Just as I was about to give up hope and commit suicide, I finally came upon these simple teachings that made sense of it all. And indeed, it was so simple, the revelation was shocking. Selfishness was the disease - the root of all problems. And unselfish love, the Golden Rule, the cure. I realized that was the big answer I had been unknowingly looking for my whole life. I also realized I was “homesick” in a way, for people who were living by the Golden Rule, or working on living by it.

Subsequently, I entered a monastery. My goal was to become an unselfishly loving person, return to living in oneness and harmony with God/the Universe/Universal Spirit, and being an instrument of God’s will and love. All my studies and training applied to achieving that goal. I used traditional techniques of aceticism, meditation and prayer/affirmation to do everything I could to change. It was a long, hard, but fruitful process. This culminated with a near-death experience (NDE) that also changed me. I eventually achieved my goals, and now my life is dedicated to helping others achieve the same things, which is why I wrote this workbook.

When I chose to become a monk, it wasn’t just to help end my own pain and improve my own life, but also because I was sensitive to the empty lives and suffering of others, and eventually wanted to help them too. And I knew I could only do that by example - so I had to “get it” and live by it first. So now I continue to pass on that heritage, offering it to others so they can make their own lives better, and can pass it on to others themselves. Tag, you’re it! Pass it on!

Even though I have a background as a monk, I also have family. My life’s work has been counselling people, and teaching the principles and methods in this book, and others. I have decades of experience in dealing with many different kinds of interpersonal relationships and group situations. It is my hope that all my experience can be used to your benefit, through this book.

Obviously, most people don’t want a monastic life, but do want a better and more spiritual life. Many people have asked for advice on how they can apply the Golden Rule in their lives, without joining a monastery. They want to know what they can do in their present life situations. And there is a lot you can do - but it’s kind of like being self-employed. A monastery is like being at work. When you work for someone else at a job, you know you can’t be a “slouch” or you’ll get fired. The entire environment is geared towards keeping you on track and functioning at maximum production potential. Being your own boss and working at home takes far more self-discipline - you have no supervisors other than you, no time-clock other than yours, lots of diversions and temptations to lead you off-track if you don’t stay on top of yourself. Thus, this book not only covers virtually all types of living scenarios in which you can work on your own spiritual development by applying the Golden Rule, it gives you all kinds of techniques, guidelines and daily check lists to help you stay on track and achieve your goals. It includes some ideas and methods for applying the Golden Rule while living alone, living with a spouse and/or family, doing “study groups”, “church-groups”, roommate situations, and even actually creating an intentional roommate situation as a “semi-mini-monastery”. But we must mention, that this kind of thing has never been done before in quite this way, and as such, is experimental. So while you can use the ideas set forth here, don’t hesitate to try and modify them to fit your exact situation, and please send us your ideas and experiences, so others may benefit from them too.

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Chapter Four

“Me First!” “No, Me First!”

Naturally inherent within the Golden Rule and unselfish love, is the premise of focusing on loving others before ourselves. That was the whole point of the parable about the long spoons (Those who only thought of themselves first, got nothing and were miserable. Those who thought of others first, got fed and were happy). It may be paradoxical, but the fact is, when you are truly being unselfish, you have Pure love for everyone, including your own self. Such “real” love makes for a situation in which loving others and loving yourself occurs simultaneously - but it has to start with giving. That’s because Pure love is something that “flows outwards”. It is directional. Picture water flowing through a hose. It flows in one direction, not backwards, nor back and forth (give and take) - only outwards (giving). So to have Pure love, to experience it, to have it residing within yourself, all you need to do is give it. If you don’t, you end up with no love

period - no love for others, no love for yourself, and no others who love you.

One of the easiest ways to grasp the concept of Pure love, is to observe a mother with a baby. You can even see it with animals. Unselfishly loving others is much like the self-sacrificing love of a “normal” mother for her children. Her love for the child, puts the child’s needs and interests first. The child doesn’t need to reciprocate - love fills the mother as she gives love to the child. So what about the idea that you

must love your self first, in order to love others? Well, everyone is welcome to their own opinion and

following their own ideas, of course. And I’m not saying you shouldn’t love yourself. You should. I’m only saying that I, and many others, have observed that having Pure love for your self (as opposed to selfish love) only occurs as a result of loving others first. If you disagree, please objectively consider the examples below, regarding the effects of the two different approaches to loving yourself.

There are many who are “self-loving”, but have never gone on to really care for anyone else - they just continue to further their own self interests and selfishness (see the example of “the neighbors” on page 14). And because of that, they continue to be selfish contributors to a world full of selfishly based problems, harm, and subsequent suffering. On the other hand, not one person who ever embraced the principle of caring for others first, lacked loving themselves also. Think about it - if you unselfishly love others first, it is impossible to not feel good about yourself, and love yourself. Loving others gives you self-esteem. Also, you love yourself too - simultaneously. There is no way anyone who unselfishly loves others could not love themselves “automatically” and feel great about themselves. When you feel and give Pure love it is good for everyone, including yourself. In fact, loving others is the only way you can unselfishly love your self. And unselfish love is truly the only “real” kind of love (as opposed to the “romantic love” or the “I love French food” concepts of love).

“I find life an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.” -Helen Keller.

Pure love is “self-fulfilling”. It has its own rewards and good feelings “built-in”. Here’s another analogy that can help people understand it: Imagine we are like “faucets” connected to a water supply. A faucet is essentially a “valve” or “on/off switch” that allows the water to flow or not flow. Now imagine that Pure love is the water. We need/want water (Love). But if we try to keep it all to ourselves by keeping the faucet off, we aren’t getting any water flowing into us either. However, when we open ourselves to let the water flow freely, freely giving it out, the water is also flowing into us and through us. So we are getting the water ourselves also. But if we try to selfishly have water just for our selves, to “possess” our water by shutting off our valves and not giving it freely, not letting the water flow on through us, what happens? We shut off our own supply, for it is no longer in us! So giving love to others first, is truly loving your self - not first - not second - it is simultaneous - just by giving it, doing it - you get it.

“Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.”- James Barrie Unselfish Love vs. Unconditional Love

Unselfish Love is a type of unconditional love. But if you interpret the words ‘unconditional love’ literally, it means giving to, or being supportive of someone, regardless of their actions, no matter what. If we use that as the definition of unconditional love, then what we call Unselfish Love is different in an important way. Unselfish Love does not mean giving the loved one anything they want, or supporting any

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someone does mean that you will always care for them, always still care about what is best for them, regardless of what the loved one may do or choose. But there can be conditions set on interaction or support. What conditions? It’s not a matter of a fixed rule. Everyone is different. Everyone has different needs. There are some things that are the same, but each individual does have different things that should be allowed, or not allowed.

Loving someone unselfishly, automatically makes you give to the loved one what their ‘whole being’ needs. But it does not just feed their wants and desires. In fact, Unselfish Love may actually require denying a loved one’s desire. But whatever is required for the person, whether giving, and/or denying, both are done REGARDLESS of its consequences on you. Even if it means the person will hate you, or fight you, you must do what is best for them.

For example, consider the raising of children. Let’s look at the application of Unselfish Love vs. unconditional love and “normal” (selfish) love, in that scenario. There are times when you should not give a child what it wants, because it’s not in their best interest. They may want something that could harm themselves, or harm someone or something else. But when Unselfish Love is not present, a child is likely to be ‘given in to’ when they persist, or through an ego tantrum. But if you give in, even if there is no physical harm that results, it can make them what is commonly called ‘spoiled’. The term ‘spoiled’ is merely a euphemism for a person’s selfishness being so consistently ‘given in to’ and ‘well fed’, that the selfish self grows in power and wants more, and expects more. In the case of children, they become what people call ‘little monsters’, and in the case of adults, they become what’s called selfish ‘jerks’ or ‘bitches’. Child or adult, a person who’s selfishness is overindulged becomes quite difficult to deal with, and they lack civility, and love for others.

You may have seen people who are often mean to their children, sometimes they get very abusive. But that isn’t what we mean by not ‘giving in’ to them. Quite the opposite.

There is a common flip side to the coin of indulging someone’s self. Since it is being done because the person ‘giving in’ is actually selfish, the other aspects of their selfishness also come out. Sometimes rather than ‘giving in’ to a child, the same parent (who is not Unselfishly Loving), will instead treat the child with anger or even violence, which also further creates bad programming, bad behavior, and a ‘monster’.

How many times have you seen a parent tell a child not to do something, and the child ignores them? The child ignores them because they KNOW they can get away with it. Then the parent says “no” again. Still no results. Eventually the parent gets angry, and either yells or strikes the child. What does that teach the child? Two things - one, it may be worth the gamble to see how far it can get away with something, because they know the parent doesn’t really mean what they say, or back up their threats very often. And two, when the parent finally ‘loses it’, all the child knows is they are being attacked, hated, and that bigger and stronger is better, and might makes right. All very bad lessons. On the other hand, an Unselfishly Loving parent will give loving instructions one time, and then demonstrate that with absolute regularity, that if they are not listened to, a loving discipline will occur. Sure, it takes more work, and iron clad consistency, and you must sometimes do things that are unpleasant, both for yourself and for the child -such as taking away something the child likes, or ‘grounding’ them, or isolating them like sending them to their room - but always with Love and kindness. Only such true Loving action yields good results. And it yields remarkable results. The child will eventually not ‘test’ its limits, and ends up a happier, more loving being itself.

This applies to relationships also. If you tolerate harmful or unpleasant behavior in a mate or a friend, either because of ‘unconditional love’ or because your relationship is based on selfish motives, then you have a mess. And when you finally ‘lose it’, and get negative and angry, it will create even more of a mess. But if you Love Unselfishly, you may even be able to help someone overcome their problems, by both not tolerating bad behavior, and giving loving, positive direction at the same time.

“I Want to Know what Love is - I Need You to Show me”

Some parents may have “tasted” a bit of the joy of Unselfish Love, by anonymously giving to their children under the guise of gifts from Santa Claus. But even that “taste” was virtually nothing compared to the full experience of being totally Unselfishly Loving, and the mix of peace of mind, sadness, and bliss that accompany it. Nor does it give us a taste of what it’s like to be totally Unselfishly Loved.

Most people have never experienced pure Unselfish Love, either giving it or receiving it. How would you describe colors to a person born blind, or born color blind? And how could you describe colors to someone else, if you were born blind yourself, and have never experienced color yourself? That would be even be more difficult. And Unselfish Love is something that you can give those who are “blind” because of selfishness, that will describe it to them - even more, it will show it to them, even though they have never experienced it themselves... It will always be a blessing for them, even though they may not know it, or know what’s going on. It will be more powerful than your words, (even though it will be in harmony with

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both your words and your actions). Because the experience of being Unselfishly Loved involves feeling something from someone, something subtle possibly, but something that you’ve never felt before. It also involves an Inner spiritual kindling, a knowing, and actually seeing an example of the way someone lives and acts. Most people can’t Love Unselfishly, until they experience being Loved Unselfishly first.

You will be meeting people like that all the time. People who are ready to change. People who have prayed or desperately hoped for some kind of answers or guidance for their lives. Experiencing being Loved can spark the flame of Unselfish Love within the “loved one” (if they are open to change and to begin giving themselves). Unselfish Love can spread this way.

Unselfish Love makes your life a Living Prayer/Meditation “Only through love can we attain communion with God.”- Albert Schweitzer.

Of what good is any belief or ‘growth’ method if it doesn’t make life better, more kind, more beautiful? If your life doesn’t radiate these things then your life is but that of a Sun that doesn’t shine. The opportunity to grow, to give, and to Unselfishly Love is here every moment. It is the prayer you make with your life. It is the eternal meditation.

The Phantom Attacks by Night

In the years after I left the monastery, I traveled a great deal, working towards helping people reach towards mutual respect, compassion, and understand the universal spirituality we all have in common. During that time I visited monasteries, ashrams, etc., of many different religions and paths. One that I visited for a few weeks, had created a unique way for its members to experience Unselfish Love, via giving to other members. They called it “The Phantom”, and here’s how it works: let’s say someone makes a cake, or a coat, or whatever, to give to someone else in the community. Rather than giving it to them outright, or wrapped with a little card letting them know who the gift is from, they leave it sneakily, in the middle of the night, with a note saying it is from the Phantom. Their method insures the anonymity of the giver, thus, the only personal gain the giver gets, is the joy of doing something nice for someone else, the joy of giving, the joy of Unselfishly Loving. This insures that the giving is being done for the right reasons, unselfishly, and is thus not feeding the selfishside. You might want to try some “Phantom” giving yourself -it’s not only good for you, -it’s fun.

Unselfish Love and Abuse

There are many people who have suffered abuse, or are still in abusive relationships right now. We want to make certain that the Golden Rule principle of unselfish love, doesn’t get twisted, “abused”, and used as an excuse for abuse, or tolerating abuse. Living by the Golden Rule doesn’t mean you should allow others to be abusive. People who have been abused, develop “abuse syndrome”. They tend to let the abuse done to them “slide”, be “OK”, and even blame themselves for it sometimes. So let’s get that straight right away. If you are in an abusive situation, please go get professional help immediately - NOW. Sometimes friends and family don’t help, but there are usually abuse shelters and programs in a city near you. If it’s physical, call the police. Unselfish love doesn’t mean letting someone emotionally or physically harm you, because you are supposed to be “loving” towards them. As we mentioned earlier, unselfish love is conditional, and often requires different responses to different situations. It involves caring about others, and doing what is best for others, yes. But being an emotional or physical “punching bag” is not “best” for anyone. Allowing abuse is not being unselfishly loving, nor truly caring. Living by the Golden Rule doesn’t preclude getting away from an emotionally abusive person or calling the authorities to deal with a physically abusive person. In fact, that would be the unselfishly loving thing to do in such a case. Sometimes people need a harsh “wake up call” to give them an opportunity to change. If you want to help the abuser get therapy, do so SECOND, only after you get help and treatment (otherwise you can get “sucked” back into the abusive situation again).

Ironically, if you have been abused, applying the Golden Rule in your life may be the best hope for a cure. The field of psychology is split on this at the moment, and seems to be dividing into two opposing camps - one that believes that focusing on caring about others is a mental illness in and of itself, and another that believes focusing on caring about others is the best way to prevent or heal trauma. Obviously, we are sympathetic to the latter way of thinking. We believe that unselfishly loving others, is self-healing.

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“The most solid comfort one can fall back upon is the thought that the business of one’s life is to help in some way to reduce the sum of ignorance, degradation and misery on the face of this beautiful earth.” - George Eliot

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Chapter Five

Creating A New Golden Rule World

Some of you agree with the idea expressed in the “spoon” parable, and would like to live that way, yet you find yourself questioning the practicality of really thinking of others first. In normal circumstances, you’ll often be taken advantage of if you do (which is why it’s good to find others of like-mind who will do it with you at the same time). So it may seem too idealistic or impractical to you right now to stop thinking selfishly. In a way, you may be right - it is a bad idea to change yourself into a being who gives and lives for others without discretion. Giving indiscriminately to selfish people can often do the people you’re giving to, more harm than good. But don’t let that stop you from working on applying the Golden Rule and transcending selfishness. It can be done without getting taken advantage of. You simply must use discretion as to who to give to, and how. See if someone responds to your giving with selfishness, or it stimulates their own Pure love, then deal with it accordingly. That’s why unselfish love is “conditional”.

There are ways to deal with this discretion issue in a number of ways. That is one reason for this book. You can apply the Golden Rule in your dealings with selfish strangers to an extent, and to a greater extent with others who care as much about you, as you care about them - and who demonstrate it with their actions.

A “Great Experiment”

The purpose of this book is not to create a new religion, but rather, to renew and support spirituality in “any and all” frameworks. It is for those who believe the Golden Rule is perhaps the most important principle to live by, and most important belief, that ever existed. It is also for those who believe the Golden Rule is not just a spiritual ideal, but a practical principle.

This book was created as a guide to help those who want to really work on applying the Golden Rule in their lives - in various ways, and to various degrees - each according to their individual needs, desires, and free will choices. It is our hope that it will help people achieve spiritual growth via the “Golden Rule”, at their own speed, whatever their circumstances, wherever they are in the world, with minimal outside help. While that may not be as “optimal” a situation for spiritual growth as a monastic type of situation, it is our hope that The Golden Rule Workbook will help any individual who wants such growth, to achieve it.

In order to accommodate everyone, regardless of their situation or to what extent they want to grow or develop unselfish love, The Golden Rule Workbook outlines a number of optional programs. It takes a multi-tiered and “networking” approach to help anyone who wants to, apply the principle of the Golden Rule in their life. This includes: general ways to apply it in your life with everyone and to change yourself; and ways to apply it with those of like-mind who also want to apply it, and “do the work” with you. Both methods can apply to old friends/family or new friends (met through networking or other means of acquaintance).

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Chapter Six

Negative/Positive Thinking

and The Golden Rule

A Few Examples of the Real Power of Thought (Positive or Negative)

When scientists conduct studies, they arrange them to allow for something called the “placebo effect”. That’s because when someone believes something is real, their mind can affect their body in very real ways.

Here’s an example of a sort of “negative placebo effect”. When a patient is in surgery, and unconscious, what the surgeons say can affect them. If the surgeons express doubts about their unconscious patient’s ability to recover, or talk about how bad their condition is, it can adversely affect their recovery. Why? Because the patient’s subconscious mind hears the whole conversation, and accepts it as a belief.

Conversely, positive thoughts, beliefs, and visualizations, can have striking healing benefits. There is a great deal of scientific evidence now about how positive visualization, and stress management can contribute greatly towards healing, and prevention of illness.

There are Tibetan monks who sit in the snow, and have wet blankets wrapped around them (which quickly freeze). They measure their abilities based on how big a circle they can melt around themselves, and how many frozen blankets they can thaw. Biofeedback training also allows people to manipulate their body temperature, and blood flow. This is even done as a treatment for those who have severe migraine headaches. They learn to alleviate headaches by redirecting blood flow to their hands - just by thinking it so. I saw my first striking demonstration of how powerful the mind is, in college. Hypnotized students were touched on the hands with a cool object that they believed was a burning cigar. Burn blisters formed. Not everyone is such a good hypnotic subject, but everyone has the same power of mind.

The power of belief is astounding, has many good uses, but does have its limits, and can even be misused. Some of the books listed in the ordering section can help if you want to learn more about the subject.

Fear, Desires and Denial Denial isn’t a River in Egypt

Unfortunately, most people don’t really understand the true powers of the mind, nor it’s limitations. They intuitively know there is “something to it”, then get ideas about it from friends, or books they’ve read, or programs they’ve been involved with. But as the old saying goes, “A little knowledge can be dangerous.”. A lack of thorough information and training about the mind, combined with a lack of unselfish love, can lead to some very skewed ways of perceiving reality and misunderstood ideas about the powers of thought. It is especially not a good combination with “ego” or self-centeredness. It opens the doors to taking the idea of “the power of thought” to an extreme, and using it as a means of selfish, self-centered denial. When that happens, the Golden Rule, and its offspring of compassion, all go out the window. So let’s look at some of those misconceptions, and the realities, more closely.

Fear as a Lightning Rod for Trouble

One of the first common misunderstandings is about fear. What it is, what it does, and how to deal with it. Living by the Golden Rule involves caring about others, being concerned about others, and having compassion for others. That subsequently involves facing reality, facing the real problems that you and others have. And that subsequently involves facing your own fears. Facing fear instead of living in fear or denial, is the only way to do something positive and constructive about your problems, or the problems of others. Denying that problems exist, only allows them to continue, or grow. But there is a big difference between acknowledging, facing and dealing with problems, and mentally nurturing or developing them.

The fact is, fear can attract what you are afraid of. There is also something to the old saying that “animals can ‘smell’ fear”. And it applies to humans too. But people need to clearly understand the difference between irrational fear (and its related thoughts and feelings), and rational concern (and its related thoughts and feelings). The trouble is, many people who think they understand fear, the power of the mind, the power of positive and negative thought, really don’t.

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When I was young, I experienced the negative effects of fear personally in many ways. I was a very sensitive child that was always picked on and beaten up. After getting good at martial arts, and losing my fear of getting beaten up, I never again had a problem, and never had to use the martial arts training. I’ve also seen those who fought out of fear or hate, usually make many mistakes. A fearless, rational fighter may use “emotional content” rather than hate or anger, to enhance their ability. But still, even without the fear, if I were so extreme with the idea that I was in denial, and thought I couldn’t get hurt, and placed myself in dangerous situations because of my delusion, I could have gotten seriously hurt.

I also have a son who once had a terrible fear of dogs. And sure enough, they were always chasing and attacking him. As soon as he lost the fear, most dogs weren’t interested any longer.

Afraid of being broke? A professional card dealer who once dealt cards in Las Vegas told me they had a saying that relates to that too - “scared money loses”. They’ve seen that people who are desperate to win, or really afraid of losing, almost always lose beyond the odds. It can actually be measured statistically.

Fear as a “wake up call”

We’ve just covered how fear can actually help create problems. But certain aspects of it, used in a different way, can also help prevent problems. Positively using part of the source of fear as a mere guidance and alarm device, can be beneficial. People need warning mechanisms in life. Listening to your intuitive “warning sensors” can keep you from doing stupid things that can get you into trouble. You might have a bad feeling about going into the park for a good reason. Or feeling like you need to slow down your car on the upcoming curve that may be icy. Or using that payphone with those men hanging around it. There are countless incidences in which someone hasn’t been harmed, because they listened to their warning mechanisms, whether intuition based, or “fear source” based. Ignoring real potential problems under the banner of “not giving in to fear”, or “not creating anything bad” is just plain unprovable “wishful thinking”. You can create a delusion of “safety through positive thought” that can get you and others hurt if you buy into it. You can say “I won’t give any energy to the negative thoughts of possibly being harmed”, put a blindfold on, then drive the car across town in rush hour traffic. But you’d almost certainly have an accident. That can be proven, and no one can prove that you can ignore traffic and get away with it, no matter how “perfectly positive” your thoughts are.

Again, you need “warning sensors” to alert you to possible danger or problems, and you need to be aware of potential problems, and act on them, to keep you and others from harm. So how does that work with the idea that fear can attract problems and cause harm. It doesn’t, BECAUSE WHAT WE HAVE JUST TALKED ABOUT ISN’T FEAR. It is what the source of fear basically is. This is where so many people “miss the boat” and just don’t get it. They don’t really understand the difference between acknowledging a potential problem, and creating it with their mind. They’ve just jumped on the bandwagon that ANY thought which isn’t “Everything is perfect, nothing is wrong, nothing can go wrong.”, is fear based, and creating a problem. But mentally acknowledging a problem/threat, thinking about how to deal with it, and then taking action, isn’t fear, and isn’t the problem. Fear may be involved with that process for many people, and needs to be isolated. But it’s the “selfish-self’s” reaction to our “warning mechanism” that creates “fear” as we know it, and the associated problems.

Fear associated problems can come from a couple of different ways of negatively dealing with fear. Selfish-self’s reaction type #1 is “freaking out” (to various degrees which can include aversion), with its associated obsession and negative thought projection. We’ll call this “negative thinking”.

Selfish-self’s reaction type #2 is pretending nothing is wrong, or nothing can go wrong. We’ll call this “denial thinking”. Denial thinking is really the result of someone being SO very, very afraid, that they don’t even want to face the possibility of the existence of what they fear. This type of thinking usually involves transferring their own fear to others - thinking it’s other people who are afraid, not them. They say others are “fearful” or “projecting fear”, if they even mention the harsh realities of life, and possible problems or threats. We’ll discuss denial thinking more later, because it is growing in popularity, and part of a big social problem.

Obviously both types of selfish-self reactions cause their own types of problems (which we’ll also discuss more later). But what about a Golden Rule way of “reading the warning sensors”?

With the transcension of selfishness that can come with applying unselfish love in your life, fear can change to merely being rational concern and a means of alerting you to assess possible problems or threats, so you can act on them rationally to bring about the most positive conclusion. Developing unselfish love changes the way you think and deal with everything. Instead of self-centered reactions, you can have “beyond your self” reactions in which you have more awareness of the big picture, are more calm, and have more clarity of thought. To understand that a little better, you can use a car as analogy. You are the car in this analogy. You’ve got warning lights and gauges on the dashboard of your car.

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Having self-centered reaction type 1 might be like looking at your gauges so much you get into an accident, or seeing the water temperature go into the boiling range, and “freaking out” as if you were getting burned. Such a reaction might include such irrationality as saying to yourself “Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!” while you continue driving until the car totally breaks down. Or you might crash because of the “freaking out” reaction (you could swerve, slam on the brakes, not see another car because your awareness is down, etc.).

If you are “coming from” a thought process that is unselfishly based, you can positively observe the problems and take positive action. If the car is getting too hot, you can pull off and get water before there is serious damage. In fact, the more you know, the more you are prepared, the less trouble you’re likely to have.

But if you are “coming from” a thought process of self-centered reaction #2 (denial) and you ignore your warning lights, you are increasing your odds of a problem, rather than decreasing them. If you ignore the radiator boiling over, your engine will die, regardless of what you “think”. Can you imagine ignoring your gas gauge because “you don’t want to give energy to running out of gas”?

The Link between Compassion/Caring, Pain, and Fear

Living by the Golden Rule means caring about others. Caring is a major source of positive change (examples forthcoming). But it hurts to care. Period. Having real compassion, also means being willing to feel the emotional pain that is part of REALLY caring. To my knowledge, there is no way to have an open heart, and care about others, without feeling the personal emotional pain that comes when you have real compassion for the pain, suffering and hardships of others. They are inseparably linked together. If you aren’t willing to experience some heartache in order to care, then you won’t be willing to live by the Golden Rule.

Fear, Pain, and Denial Thinking

Having awareness of your self and the world around you, and having an open mind is very similar to having an open, but aching, heart. Having real courage, means being willing to feel the pain involved with your fears, face your fears, and deal with them positively.

Some people are at least honest about being selfish and not caring about others. And honest about being afraid to face reality. But others have found ways to avoid facing themselves, their fear, or facing the pain and fear of world conditions. One of the most unfortunate ways, is by “pretending” to be spiritual and full of “love and light”. They have actually convinced themselves that their delusion is real, while really still being just plain old selfish and uncaring (in a nice “love and light” package).

Let’s compare Golden Rule behavior to “pseudo-spiritual” behavior. Let’s say you live in the country, and you have a few neighbors who are also friends. “Friend number one” is a seemingly stern, down to earth farmer. But he “gets” the idea of the Golden Rule, and tries to live by it. “Friend number two” is someone who always seems to be such a “sweetness and light” person. This person has read many spiritual books, is into all kinds of “spiritual things”, goes to various kinds of spiritual seminars, etc., etc.. “Friend number three” considers himself a “religious person”. You’ve all been “friends” and neighbors for years. One day, your house burns down. Your three friends all come over to see you. The “non-spiritual” Golden Rule oriented friend begins to organize help to rebuild your house, get you food, clothing, and offers to let you stay at his house in the mean time. Neighbor number two sighs, shakes his head, tells you how you must have “attracted it to yourself” with negative thought projections. Then he drives off leaving you and your burned house in the dust as they head off to attend a weekend of cosmic dance and sacred geometry building seminars. Friend number three expresses his concern and sympathy verbally, but does nothing to help. Which friend would you rather have? Which friend is really more spiritual? Which kind of friends do you want to cultivate and deserve?

As in the example above, some people claim to believe that if you don’t “give energy to” (think about) problems, you are preventing problems, or at least minimizing them. But like we said earlier, such denial thinking is often really the result of their extreme fear. But it’s also from selfishness. They’re afraid to lose what they desire and what they are attached to. Sure, there is no doubt that negative thinking and fear can create or worsen problems, as I gave examples of above. But when that is misunderstood by someone who is not making unselfish love their priority, it is often used as an excuse for selfishness, and a way to avoid fear rather than facing the harsh realities of life with courage. Problems and “threats” should not be expected to go away by ignoring them like an ostrich hiding its head in a hole (thinking a predator won’t see it or get it if it can’t see the predator). Denying that there even is a problem, doesn’t make it so there aren’t any problems, or make it so you don’t create problems. If fact, if anything, it makes things worse and lets problems grow and spread.

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We’ve already given some examples of the benefits of Golden Rule positive thinking over fear based negative or denial thinking. But this is such an important concept that I thought I should give more examples that can provide you with deeper and fuller understanding.

I had cancer once. I got it because of accidental extreme radiation exposure.

I know some denial thinkers out there are thinking to themselves that their thoughts could prevent getting cancer in such circumstances. All I can do is repeat myself, and say you misunderstand the power of thought. I would ask you to “get real” about it and try to come up with ANY legitimate proof to support your belief - there just isn’t any. Again, you have to understand the true abilities and limits of the mind and thinking. I know better than most what those are. I have also known of many people who have recovered from cancer while using positive imagery. But you need to separate reality from fantasy, and know the limits and true uses of positive thinking if you really want to improve your life and those of others.

Back to my cancer story - I was given 6 weeks to live (This, by the way, is a bad thing for a doctor to do - a truly negative thought projection. That statement could have contributed to an early death had I accepted it in any way, even subconsciously. Had I not understood the powers of the mind, or not had control over my own mind, it probably would have). I was barely alive, but before I could start my road to recovery, I had to first recognize and acknowledge the fact that I was dying and wasting away - if I hadn’t, I would have just died one day “by surprise”. After recognizing the problem, I had to define the problem (that it was cancer, and what type of cancer), then I came up with a constructive plan for healing. I used many types of physical and spiritual therapies in combination.

The first step towards finding a solution to any problem, is to identify and clearly define the problem. Then you can find an answer, a solution, a healing. Thus if a person wants to improve their life, the lives of others, and the world, they must first be aware of any problems or potential problems that exist. After that, they need to respond with constructive thoughts and actions.

What comes out in the wash? Comparing Brand “A”, with Brand “X”

Just look at the results of following both ways of thinking and dealing with life (Golden Rule vs. “denial thinking”). There is quantitative proof of the benefits of living by the Golden Rule, and the fallacy of living by denial thinking. All it takes is looking at the facts with an open, objective mind, and the truth is crystal clear. No one can give facts proving that apathy or denial ever helped anyone or anything. On the other hand, we can point to thousands of provable instances where positively recognizing and facing the reality of a problem, then dealing with it accordingly, helped make things better. I already gave you a few.

Some “denial thinkers” point to “pseudo-evidence” of how denial thinking works. They’ll point to things like leaving their doors unlocked, and not having their car stolen or house burglarized, as evidence of how not giving such things “negative energy” work. But consider the facts objectively. Check the statistics. Most people are concerned about crooks, and do lock their doors, and yet they still don’t get burglarized. Your house may never be targeted for burglary, and if it’s not, no crook will even try the doorknob to see if it’s unlocked. You could go your whole life with no problem, or you could end up one of the burglary statistics - locked or not, concerned about theft or not. So that’s not evidence of “denial thinking” being beneficial, or working in the least. And if it really worked, why not drive through red lights and not give energy to getting a ticket, or having an accident?

We can give you proof of the benefits of facing reality (including not driving through red lights). To start with, there are many instances of how someone’s burglar alarm frightened off burglars. In the same instance of a targeted house, the denial thinker without an alarm would have had an intruder (they probably would have denied being robbed though, so as not to look foolish).

Car theft statistics are similar. You may never have your car stolen, locked or not, car keys left in it or not. But in fact, statistically, you increase the odds of having your car stolen, if you leave your keys in the car, “unconcerned” that someone will steal it. And fewer cars (car for car) with alarm systems are stolen, than those without. That’s why some insurance companies give discounts for people who have house, business, and auto alarm systems. It’s their business to know those facts. So statistically, the evidence in these areas prove that denial thinking doesn’t work, and “giving energy to”/being realistically concerned about problems and potential threats, actually pays off when you take constructive positive action. And there are far more areas of example.

Denial thinking is also often taken to the extreme regarding health issues. They say you won’t get sick if you don’t think you will, or believe you will. This is sometimes really taken to the point of not seeking medical treatment for very serious problems (neither alternative nor traditional medical treatment). But all bodies age, get ill sometimes, and eventually die. There is not a shred of factual evidence or truth to the contrary. In fact, all things in nature, and the entire universe go through cycles, age, and die. It’s all just