Two people are standing, center stage, they are holding hands, but their
bodies are not touching. They are facing directly straight out to the audience. They can be any gender, sex, ethnicity, but they shouldn’t be the same ones. They are hereby known as Left and Right- that’s the hand that’s holding the other person’s. A third person stands off to the side, holding a phone up to record the two. This person is known as Society. The two don’t move.
After a moment. LEFT
Let go.
RIGHT You let go.
LEFT I have to pee.
RIGHT Don’t you even think about it. LEFT You smell bad.
RIGHT
That’s you! All you people smell bad. LEFT
It makes me sick to think that that small parts of you are rubbing off on me.
RIGHT Hey, this wasn’t my idea!
LEFT Well it sure as hell wasn’t mine.
RIGHT Your palm is sweaty.
That’s you.
RIGHT
It’s like bacon grease. You’re oily like a pig. LEFT
You have tiny cracks on your fingers that are starting to itch my skin.
RIGHT
That’s what hands are supposed to feel like. You know, for people who have to work.
LEFT You don’t know my life.
RIGHT
(under their breath) Privileged.
LEFT Fuck you!
RIGHT
Stop eavesdropping on the things I say to myself. LEFT
Stop calling me that!
RIGHT Stop proving it.
LEFT This is all you people’s fault.
RIGHT Let go!
LEFT You let go!
Beat. They don’t move, as if they can’t even try to let go. Society sniffles and wipes their nose. Left and Right turn to look at Society, and then back out to the audience.
LEFT It’s a punishment for something.
RIGHT I’m not doing anything wrong.
LEFT
Sins of the father, or something karmic. RIGHT
God, you’re stupid.
LEFT It’s not human.
RIGHT I’m the victim here!
LEFT Not human.
Left sees something all the way in the back of the theater, watches for a minute, then has an idea.
RIGHT Let go.
LEFT Listen-
RIGHT
What do you people eat? Your breath smells foul. LEFT
We’re being watched.
RIGHT
We’re always being watched. You’re just now realizing this? Jesus, you people and your bubble.
LEFT Hey! Hey! Stop looking at us! RIGHT What are you doing?
LEFT Invasion of privacy!
RIGHT Freedom of speech.
LEFT That’s a terrible argument.
RIGHT It used to be yours.
LEFT
That was about something else entirely. RIGHT
You used to scream about it. Under the false impression that he who is the loudest is the freest.
LEFT That’s fucking sexist.
RIGHT
But the louder you are, the less honest you’re being. LEFT
That’s fucking stupid.
RIGHT Let go!
LEFT You let go!
Left notices Society. LEFT
You don’t even have a name. You don’t have a face. You’re just a camera holder. A recorder of history. But like the in-between history. The margins in the history book. Not even a footnote, just blank white space.
RIGHT Now who’s being racist.
LEFT We can’t just let them record us.
RIGHT Who?
LEFT Anyone.
RIGHT Freedom of the press.
LEFT That’s not what that means!
RIGHT
How do you know? Maybe the language needs to be more fluid than we originally thought.
LEFT How can language be fluid?
RIGHT Not literally.
LEFT
We’re so caught up in being seen, we don’t even care that no one’s ever really looking.
RIGHT
What is that supposed to even mean? LEFT
It’s really not cool that you keep questioning me! Triggers are real, you know!
RIGHT
Yeah, I know, my dad was shot by a student he failed in an Algebra class.
LEFT
It’s not okay to joke about that. RIGHT
Who’s joking! And will you stop recording us? This is not what our forefather’s meant by freedom of speech!
Who cares what our forefathers said. What about what our foremothers said?
RIGHT I just threw up in my mouth.
LEFT
I’m sure it tastes better than the nonsense you’re trying to make swallow!
LEFT Let go!
RIGHT You let go!
LEFT
You know what’s wrong with you people? RIGHT
We don’t generalize enough? LEFT
Besides your inability to wake yourselves up like spiritually evolved people!
RIGHT
What?! Our correct use of aphorisms? LEFT
You’re all liars!
RIGHT
You don’t even know what an aphorism is, do you? LEFT
Well, actions speak louder than words, don’t they! RIGHT
Oh, words! Another thing you’re afraid of. Policing language as a means of demonstrating elevated morality! You know who else had that idea…?
LEFT
When something is offensive to a marginalized group, you should call it out! That’s called empathy.
RIGHT Unless it promotes fascism!
LEFT Empathy is not authoritarian! RIGHT Censorship is not empathy!
LEFT Let go!
RIGHT You let go!
Beat. Nothing. LEFT
I’m hungry.
RIGHT Me too.
Society chuckles a bit at their
silliness. They both turn their head toward Society.
LEFT Maybe they could help us.
RIGHT How?
LEFT
I’ll bet if they stop recording us, stop paying attention to us, we’d be free to walk away.
RIGHT We have no reason to believe that.
LEFT We have no reason not to.
RIGHT That’s a stupid argument.
LEFT Everything happens for a reason.
RIGHT
Ugh, you people and your logic! I hate to break it to you but it doesn’t matter what position mercury is in! And your stupid
horoscope isn’t accurate because it’s real, it’s accurate because you’re average! You’re just like everyone else! The whites in the margins of the pages of history books. That’s all you are. And you want so desperately to be something more. To count. To be recognized. What for? The afterlife? That doesn’t exist. Outside of this moment, which granted is not something I’m relishing in, the only thing we have is the slow, slow march of mediocrity. And then nothing. The same as nearly everyone else that has ever treaded this miserable existence you want to footnote with your own stupid, stupid ideas. Well, you’re
nothing. You are nothing. Same as me. LEFT
Let go!
RIGHT You let go!
Beat. Nothing. LEFT
I’m not just like everyone else. That’s really triggering for me.
RIGHT Who told you you were special?
LEFT
Being an empath requires more depth than you understand. RIGHT
Calling yourself an empath doesn’t make you one. Watch! I’m a dwarf. See!
LEFT That’s offensive.
RIGHT To who?
LEFT
I don’t want to say. I’m not sure what to call them that’s not offensive.
RIGHT You’re retarded.
LEFT You can’t say that!
RIGHT Says who?
LEFT Unless you are one!
RIGHT One what?
LEFT I can’t say.
RIGHT
The list of things you can’t say is fucking staggering. How do you keep up with this shit?
LEFT Let go!
RIGHT You let go!
Beat. Nothing. LEFT
How did we get here?
RIGHT
This is on you, bub. You and your hipster, culture cancelling brethren.
LEFT That’s sexist.
RIGHT You grabbed my hand!
LEFT Why would I do that?
RIGHT
You were making some asinine point about freedom. Imprisoning someone as a way of freeing them. I’d point out the irony, but I don’t have time to unwind the years of neglect you’ve put into understanding that word!
LEFT
And I said I would let go when you understood my point. RIGHT
Well that’s going to be never! LEFT Fine!
RIGHT Fine!
LEFT
So, you mean we could just let go at any time? RIGHT
I would assume. But that would mean one of us would have to admit fault for grabbing hold in the first place.
LEFT What are you waiting for?
RIGHT Me? You do it.
LEFT No. Why should I?
RIGHT Why should I?
LEFT You want to stay like this?
RIGHT Do you?
LEFT Let go!
RIGHT You let go!
Beat. Nothing. LEFT
I hate you.
RIGHT I know. I know.
I hate you too.
Beat Nothing BLACKOUT End of Play