“Love Scripts” That Inspire His Devotion
By Rori Raye
A Special Bonus Exclusively for Members of BlackSingles.com.
Dear friend,
Congratulations for taking a positive step for your love life! Because BlackSingles.com values its members and wants you to receive the MOST out of your online dating
experience, they’ve asked me to offer one of the best how-to “tools” I have for inspiring more affection and attraction with a man: my “Love Scripts”.
Through my book, seminars, programs and blog, I’ve taught thousands of women completely original and effortless techniques that have helped transform the way they relate to, attract and communicate with men.
These scripts are just a few of the powerful Tools I selected from my programs. Now you have the exclusive opportunity to try these yourself.
These scripts help you create more of what you want in your relationship: more love, more attention, more understanding and more attraction between you and your man. Be sure to read each one carefully more than once to fully absorb and understand how the conversation is supposed to flow. When you’re actually able to use these scripts— on a first date or inside of a relationship—you’ll be amazed at how much better your man will respond. He will feel more tenderness, more affection toward you. He will feel more attracted to you because you will be expressing yourself in a way that triggers his heart.
My eBook is filled with many more of these sorts of "How-To", step-by-logical-step Tools and secrets that are instantly usable and will work with the man in your life. After
learning and practicing the Tools I reveal in the book, you’ll notice a difference
immediately. He’ll call you more. He’ll want to know what you’re thinking and feeling. The misunderstandings and bad feelings will end and you’ll feel blissfully adored once again.
If you’d like to read my eBook free for 7 days, download it and be reading it in minutes, click here.
So what is a Rori Raye “Love Script”?
Do you get upset with a man but say nothing for fear of “rocking the boat,” only to blow up at him later for something unrelated and insignificant? And then feel guilty for overreacting?
Do you wish you knew the perfect thing to say to a man when he’s late that didn’t scream “high-maintenance” or fussy that would actually make him want to show up on time?
Wouldn’t you love to have the perfect thing to say to a man to let him know that you will only be exclusive with him if he’s serious about you?
If only you knew how to approach the topic of commitment and marriage without pressuring him or giving ultimatums…
Now you have a solution and a resource for those exact situations: this special bonus I’ve put together that you’re reading right now.
“Rori Raye Scripts” are a collection of statements and responses you write down and practice “delivering” before you’re with a man, so that you can feel grounded and relaxed no matter what he says or does. They allow you to be prepared, so nothing he says can throw you off and leave you feeling regretful and frustrated. Scripts allow you to express yourself to a man in a way that draws him in, attracts him and puts both of you at ease.
Scripts are also a way for you to easily follow the third rule of the Rori Raye mantra:
Trust Your Boundaries Follow Your Feelings
Choose Your Words
Be Surprised
Scripts allow you to become fluent in a “new language” that actually brings a man closer to you instead of accidentally pushing him away.
A Script is not a monologue or speech. It’s a conversation between you and him that takes into account his possible response. A Script allows you to practice “Feeling
Messages” because they always contain the formula of stating “I feel…” or “I want…”, “I don’t want…” or “What do you think?”
Why You Need a Script or Speech
Most of the time we walk around holding in feelings and spinning stuff in our minds instead of communicating with him in a clear, compelling way. We over-analyze, we stew, and we discuss what we should have said with our girlfriends. We try to talk to him about how we feel, but so often it comes out all wrong. It feels like a speech because he just sits there in silence, brooding (and making us feel guilty for even bringing anything up). Or it feels like a rant, and we feel like we’re always complaining and unhappy (we’re not!)
This happens because we aren’t sure how to talk to a man about feelings. Do we tell the truth? Do we sugar-coat it and hope he still understands where we’re coming from? Do we “pick our battles” and deal with our stress on our own?
These are all ways we stuff down and act ingenuous.
And then, when we can’t stand it anymore, we explode or say things in a way that completely pushes a man away.
We use words that feel like a critical attack to him, even though we think we’re simply expressing ourselves. We stifle our Truth, or make him wrong, or tell him what to do, or just generally speak to him in ways that only convey our most superficial feelings— completely bypassing the really deep feelings we have that are automatically compelling and attractive.
But the feelings we think of as ugly and unpleasant—like anger and jealousy—are gorgeous and attractive when we express them in the right way!
This is why having a Script to help you express your true and unfiltered feelings in a calm, centered way is so important for the health of your relationship.
How Scripts Work to Bring Him Closer
Let’s say you’re angry about something you man has or hasn’t done. You might approach it three ways: chew him out, tell him what to do, or smile and pretend everything's okay.
In this process of Scripts, you’re going to translate those thoughts and feelings that are all about him and what he did wrong or needs to do, and translate them into Feeling Messages about you. You’re going to put the Feeling Messages together in a careful way that express exactly what you feel, what you mean, what you don't want, what you won't tolerate, what excites you and makes you happy—so that you feel fully expressed, steady and calm.
He’ll hear you and he will know exactly what you’re feeling and why, without feeling attacked or judged. He won’t have to “guess” why you’re upset. He won’t feel unsafe because he senses a tense “vibe” from you. Instead, he’ll know where things stand between you at all times, and it will make him feel safe.
And when a man feels safe around you, he is able to express himself easier, as well.
So not only will you feel better, but you’ll get a fantastic, warm response from him.
The first time I did this it was a huge effort. I’m not even sure what made me think of it, I’m not sure how I even put the words together. Before, I was only comfortable with smiling and holding onto my feelings and being “reasonable.” I handled things by being intellectual about them. By doing so, I was subtly trying to make myself right and the man wrong, and trying to convince him to see it my way.
But one day I decided to take a deep breath and try something different…and it worked!
And I got such an amazing response from the man that I was completely blown away with how wonderful it all felt…it felt so wonderful that I didn’t even care what happened to the relationship. I just felt good about me!
And when you get good at my Rori Raye Scripts, you will feel great about yourself, too.
Script 1: When He’s Late
The Scenario: He’s late again. You’ve “excused” him before because he had reasonable excuses the first few times it happened. Now he’s late again, and you’re edgy and snippy, but you try not to show it.
What Won’t Work: You shut down and go cold. When he asks you what’s wrong, you say you don’t understand why he’s always so late. That it was so rude of him. That he could have called at least.
And then, next time, you decide to give him a taste of his own medicine by not even being dressed when he picks you up—late, again, of course.
Why It Doesn’t Work: There’s so much tension between you…he thinks you’re unreasonable, you think he’s treating you poorly.
You’ve missed an opportunity to share how you feel, and so things stay superficial. Whatever it is that’s making him be continually late stays “underground” instead of coming out into the open.
Step 1: Before you spend time with your man, write down what you’re thinking and what you want to say, and what you’ve said in the past that clearly didn’t work.
Step 2—The Script: Tell the truth without games, blaming, explaining, and analyzing. Don’t request he “do better next time.”
“I feel really weird talking about this, and I don’t like feeling angry about such a small thing as “time” – but I feel crummy when I’m waiting for someone. I don’t like it. It makes me feel unimportant, and it makes me wonder about you – but mostly – it just
makes me feel like I’m “waiting.” So…is this something I should just know about? Something you’d like me to accept and be easy-going about? My first thought is to not be ready on time, or to slam the door in your face, or give you a taste of your own medicine or something – and that feels really stupid…so I’m not sure what I should do. I don’t like waiting, and I don’t want to play games with you. What do you think would be the best way to work out our differences on this one?”
Why It Works: All you’re doing in this speech is sharing with him a bit about who you are…and asking him to solve the problem as best he can.
Instead of everything staying superficial and defensive, where you’re caught in a downward spiral of just reacting to each other, this way you get a chance to be authentic, vulnerable, and state your boundaries. Doing it this way creates attraction between you.
If a conversation gets started around this—great. And if he still shows up late next time you’ll hopefully have worked out a way to deal with it directly and with humor, or end seeing him.
This Script is one way to turn negative, angry feelings into conversations that bring you closer. In my Reconnect Your Relationship audio CD program, you’ll get even more in-depth insights on how to shift your words and body language so that your man will actually work hard to connect with you and make you happy. Reconnect explains WHY a man withdraws - no matter how “in love” he says he is with you. To learn more about
my Reconnect Program, visit my online catalog by clicking here.
Script 2: When You’re Unhappy With What He’s Doing (or
Isn’t Doing) in the Relationship, and How He’s Treating
You – the “I’m Just a Girl Here” Speech
The Scenario: He’s not calling, texting, emailing often enough. He says he’ll do
something for you or with you, and then he doesn’t. He’s not as affectionate as he was. He doesn’t call in advance for dates. He’s not paying enough attention to you, and the sex has started to fade.
What Won’t Work: Trying to “talk” to him about it. Making demands. Asking him to call you more often or give you more time and attention and affection. Or, even worse…
Calling, texting, emailing, or visiting HIM. Initiating sex and affection. Inviting him places, doing things for him, trying to get closer physically.
Getting emotional and dramatic. Getting angry. Telling him how awful he is for being so inconsiderate.
Why It Doesn’t Work: A man just can’t hear you when you do and say things that don’t work. Everything you do and say just sounds desperate, needy and pleading to him. All he hears and sees is “insecurity” – and he feels like he’ll never be able to make you happy. He doesn’t “get” it – though it makes perfect sense to you. It just makes him want to withdraw even more.
He can’t hear that you have real needs, because all he hears in your words and actions is that you want something from him he doesn’t want to - or can’t – give you, and that he’s wrong. He feels angry and guilty, and doesn’t know what to do about it, so he just withdraws. He looks for an “easier” woman. He looks for a woman who can speak to him in a more direct way. Again, he so dislikes being told what to do, or what he
“should” do that he’ll withdraw from you, act even more “badly,” and create even more distance between you.
Step 1: Make the decision in your mind that you will not invest yourself exclusively with any man unless you are engaged or married to him. That you will Circular Date until a lifelong commitment shows up, and you choose to accept it.
Step 2—The Script:
“I’m just a girl here…and I feel confused and weird and bad when I don’t hear from you (when I don’t feel touched…when we don’t have sex…when it feels cold between us…). Girls need affection (attention…sex…talk…) and all that. It feels great to be with you, and I don’t want to put pressure on you or our relationship. Is there something I should know? What do you think we can do that would work for both of us?”
Why It Works: You’re expressing your needs, without making him wrong for not meeting them. You’re not giving him an ultimatum, but you’re saying clearly what you don’t want. You’re not asking him to do anything, you’re asking him what he thinks. You’re telling him the truth, and you’re doing it from a brave and vulnerable place – you’re doing it like a girl.
Also – you’re opening the door for him to open up to you…to tell you that he’s upset, or angry, or disappointed. And…if you respond to this in the right, Rori Raye way…you will instantly get closer to him emotionally.
Again, this is an authentic expression of the basic formula for speaking with a man: “I feel…I don’t want…What do you think?” Talking like this to anyone will take the
conversation – and the relationship – to deeper and deeper emotional levels practically instantaneously. A man will drop his guard when you talk like this. He’ll lean forward.
He’ll feel heard. And, because you are so fearless about opening up your emotions and expressing them, he’ll instantly feel that he can trust you with his deepest feelings.
Being a girl is actually the most confident place you can be. A man can recognize a woman with “girl” energy a mile away, and when he’s with one, he lowers his guard and starts to bond with her quickly. This is what my Modern Siren program is all about.
When you learn to trust that being vulnerable, open and in touch with your emotions is actually a STRONG place to be, and not “weak” at all…you’ll start to USE your emotions to bring a man close. It will make you irresistibly attractive to him, and keeping the attraction going cements your relationship forever. My Modern Siren CD/DVD program teaches you how to get to and use your most powerful asset – your feelings - and in a totally FUN, fast way. Modern Siren shows you exactly the things to do and say to magnetize a man and get inside his HEART. To learn more about Modern Siren or any
of my programs, visit my online catalog by clicking here.
Script 3: When He Wants YOU to Pay
The Scenario: You’re out at dinner together, and he asks you to split the check. You’re on a trip together, and he asks you to buy your own soda from the roadside market. You’re out shopping together at the market for dinner, and he wants to make a deal: You’ll pay now, and then he’ll pay another time. He’s got a complex idea of how to split the finances of dating so it comes out “even.” He may seem totally awful when telling you this, or he may sound reasonable – like he has a point.
What Won’t Work: Saying “Sure,” and paying for your half, or for the whole meal or event with the assumption he’ll pay for the next one. Going along with his plan without saying anything. Or…
Getting offended, angry, “hurt” (we’ll talk about “hurt” later), telling him what a “jerk” he is, complaining, telling him he’s wrong about the way he’s thinking. Or…
Negotiating his plan, suggesting different ways to make it work out, coming up with your own ideas about how to make this “fair.”
Why It Doesn’t Work: He thinks he’s right. He thinks women are out for being treated like “princesses” (you are…), he thinks the whole “dating” thing is a scam. He may even be very familiar with the coaching for men out there that teaches men NOT to pay for us - that they’ll get much better results getting our interest and getting us into bed (some men) or into a long-term relationship (many men) if they DON’T pay.
Trying to make him wrong only damages your emotional connection. And trying to reasonably discuss anything (unless he starts the discussion and asks you what you
“think” – to which you answer what you “feel”!!) with him will activate your “boy” energy and block the emotional connection.
He can’t hear your reasoning, because all he hears in your words and actions is disrespect for his opinions and ideas. He can’t hear a “friendly” disagreement around this, the way he would with a guy friend – it just feels bad to him, and will turn him off.
Step 1: Make a decision NOW about what your policy is around this. This is mine for you: You do not require fancy dates that cost money. Your only interest is in getting to know him, in experiencing being with him, and so it doesn’t matter where you go or what you do. Everything is an adventure. AND, because money is not a necessary thing in order to date him, you’ll stick to your position about this, which is: “I don’t pay for him. I may agree in advance to pay for something myself - if it’s an expensive concert I want to see, or a restaurant I really want to try and he suggests it. But I won’t pay for his groceries, or his meal.”
Step 2—The Script:
“What?” (This is your first reaction when he asks you to pay for something out of the blue.)
He’ll say, “Why don’t you pay for dinner this time, and I’ll take the next one?” Or “Let’s split the bill.” Or, “I think you had the dessert, and I had the coffee…so you owe…”
You’ll say, “Oops, this feels weird. I don’t want to pay. It doesn’t feel good. “
He’ll say, “Oh, so you think a man should pay for everything?”
You’ll say, “ It just doesn’t feel good to pay on a date .It feels good just to be with you and get to know you, and I don’t need to do things that are expensive, or even cost money at all.”
He’ll say, “So you never want to pay for anything?”
You’ll say, “I feel open to negotiating... especially after I’ve known you for awhile…but basically, it doesn’t feel good to pay for things on a date… it doesn’t feel… romantic to me. What do you think we should do that would feel good for both of us?”
Why It Works: You’re stating your boundaries – without making him wrong. You’re saying what you don’t want, and asking him to figure it out for both of you.
This is the kind of clear communication that a man can hear. When you do it this way, what he experiences is your confidence, your comfort with yourself and your values. He knows where he stands. Because you’re expressing this in Feeling Messages, instead of
trying to convince him that your way is the right way to handle money on dates, and that he’s a jerk for even asking you to pay…he will not only respect you…he’ll feel even more attracted to you.
You’ve let him know you have a high Degree of Difficulty. That you’re expensive – your time and energy and warmth is valuable – and that the way money is handled in a dating or relationship situation is symbolic of how you value yourself.
Script 5: When You’re Not Ready for Sex – and He’s
Pushing
The Scenario: You’re on your couch with a man, kissing, and he goes a little farther with his hands than you want. Or, after you’ve been out together a few times, you’re
uncomfortable because you know he’s feeling entitled to have sex with you. He confronts you about it, quizzing you, pushing you, teasing you, and confusing you.
What Won’t Work: Shutting yourself down physically and emotionally because you’re afraid to “lead him on.” Trying to have a “discussion” about “why” you feel the way you do about when it feels right to have sex with him. Or…
Giving in to the chemistry and his pressure and sleeping with him when it doesn’t feel right to you.
Why It Doesn’t Work: For most men, sex is the primary way he can connect emotionally with you. As a man gets older, that may change a bit, but the “physical” is the place where a man can most easily let go and find out how a woman he likes will respond to him.
And, for many men, sex has nothing whatever to do with emotional connection – it’s only physical.
It’s nearly impossible to know what kind of man you have until you actually get physical with him, and so…when you do…you want to be totally open with him – mentally, emotionally and physically.
Shutting down and closing yourself off emotionally or physically while you’re kissing a man because you’re afraid about how to say “No” to him when you feel the need to, damages your ability to connect with him.
Step 1: Make a decision NOW about how far you want to go sexually with a man at a given time – and STICK to it.
Spend time and energy with yourself getting into your own sexuality and sensuality, so that you can really let yourself go and melt with a man UP TO the point where you’ve decided – in advance – to stop.
Then, when you get to that point – Stop.
Step 2—The Script:
“Ooooh (a lot of the time, sounds are so much more effective and authentic and vulnerable than words…), I’m feeling overwhelmed. I feel like I’m getting ahead of myself…I need to stop now…”
If he keeps pushing….you say,
“And now I’m feeling uncomfortable…”
If he tries to start a discussion about why you’re so “cold” or “not sexual,” or ANYTHING that feels pushy – take it as a COMPLEMENT!! Don’t get huffy or upset. Instead – STEP BACK. Step AWAY from him. Breathe. Gather your body around you and do NOT shut down. Stay as completely open as you can, but step further away.
He will keep coming toward you…which will feel very powerful. Remember – YOU have the power here! YOU are the prize! Don’t smile if you’re feeling afraid or angry. If you have a sense of humor about it all in the moment – smile. Allow your face to look the way you feel, without effort or resistance. Say,
“I just don’t feel ready. I need to know you better and feel more solid and secure in our relationship, and know what I want here, and what you want here. Sex means being sexually exclusive, and I need to talk about all that stuff before getting that close to you physically, and I don’t want to put pressure on the relationship. It feels good being with you.”
If he keeps pushing – this is just like any other situation where you don’t feel heard. Say,
“Now I’m not feeling heard, and I’d like to do something else or end the evening.”
Why It Works: Instead of jumping ahead to your fears and anger and the intense emotions that sex can bring up, you’re starting small and soft – with just feeling uncomfortable and wanting to stop. No theory, no analyzing, no complicated negotiation. You’re stating your boundaries, and also expressing your good feelings about him.
AND – instead of shutting down from the beginning of even just kissing him, because you’re afraid of how you’re going to handle it if it starts to go farther than you’d
like…you’re able to completely let go and melt with him – because you TRUST yourself.
This connects with his heart so deeply and instantaneously, and the combo of being so soft that you can melt with so strong that you can say “No” is totally mesmerizing to a man.
Script 5: When He’s Hurting You – the “Power Speech”
The Scenario: He's either so difficult - so up and down, hot and cold, in and out of the relationship, connected and then withdrawn – that you don't know what's even going on from moment to moment.
Or he’s so quiet about how he FEELS and suddenly passive about pursuing you that you don't know what happened to that great relationship you thought you had at the beginning.
You feel HURT, and you want to tell him that.
What Won’t Work: Telling a man that you feel “hurt” is counter-productive. We get worried, anxious, and then start "Overfunctioning." We worry that maybe "he doesn't know how we feel about him." We worry that we've done something wrong, or fear that all of a sudden there's another woman.
We work really hard to figure out what's going on with him. Sometimes we get
obsessed. We call him, we leave messages, we invite him places. We worry about being "needy" just because we want what we ALL want (and deserve!) - a great relationship with simple understandings, good communication, seeing each other often, and a feeling of security and that the relationship is GOING somewhere.
And when that doesn't happen, and we're already emotionally invested - we start to blame ourselves. And so down we go… We feel bad about ourselves, we lose our confidence, and we get angry at HIM.
Step 1: We want to head off panic and anxiety the moment you start to feel it.
1. Start by imagining what it would be like to feel peaceful.
2. Look around you, look at everything around you, and just breathe down into your body.
3. Let the air travel down into your pelvis and fill you up.
4. Keep telling yourself that you CAN be peaceful, you intend to be peaceful.
5. Imagine that the air is peaceful, and the air you're breathing in is peaceful, and that it's filling your body up with peace.
You'll feel better in a matter of minutes, and keep the thought that you want to STAY feeling good - no matter what.
You want to stay feeling peaceful.
Even if powerful feelings are coming up, and you're feeling them in a powerful way, even if they're angry feelings and fear feelings, tell yourself you can feel them, and STILL feel peaceful at the same time. You can feel peaceful about allowing your feelings to be FELT.
6. Now, sit down and WRITE out what's going on for you when you think about him and your relationship.
Write how you FEEL.
Write out your feelings in Feeling Messages, in what I call a
7. "Power Speech."
It will help you tremendously to get in touch with ALL your feelings, and to help yourself find your Power, it will especially help you to look for your ANGER.
So ask yourself if you're angry. And how it feels to be angry, and what you're angry at.
It's REALLY important that you not only notice and acknowledge the hurt and pain and fear you feel - but the ANGER, too.
It's very challenging for so many of us women to actually get in touch with our anger, and so we often sit on it and stuff it down until it just has to get out and ends up exploding in a way that damages our relationships and makes us feel bad.
So really be willing to write down your anger along with everything else you feel.
8. To write your Speech, just work with writing about all your feelings and how it feels to feel them and what in the relationship has triggered you to feel them.
Write all your feelings down, write everything you want to say to him, then when you've got everything out of your system and on paper, go through it and change every
sentence so that each sentence reads as a Feeling Message.
9. Now we have to edit it.
You're going to cut as much extra stuff out of it as you can, so there's no explaining, defending, telling him what he's doing wrong, all of that.
Make it as short as you can, and separate each sentence out so that you can say just one sentence at a time and wait for his response before you speak again.
Also check for this: if you have the word "hurt" in there, get rid of it.
Replace "hurt" with "I feel bad," or "sad," or "scared," or "disconnected," or "happy." (Throwing in an honest "happy" or "good" is always a great idea.)
The reason for not using the word "hurt" is simple. "Hurt" is a tough word for a man to hear. And that's because he can "hurt" you. So no matter how you say it, it can come across as though you're making him wrong, and making him wrong will get you nowhere.
Saying "I feel bad" or "sad" is much better - after all, he can't "bad" you.
Unless you say "You made me feel bad," you can't make him wrong by saying "I feel bad."
10. An example of a phone call script:
When he calls (and that's crucial - HE calls), you start with "Hi."
Notice there's no "How are you?" or any conversation starters, no initiating or asking how he is, no turning your energy toward HIM.
Just , "Hi."
If you want you can say, "It feels good to hear your voice."
Then, after he says whatever he's going to say, you start your Speech.
Then "I'm starting to feel a little unsure about where we're at."
He'll say "Oh..."
You say "Yeah..."
And then you let him talk.
And then you say more of your Speech.
The huge advantage of writing your Power Speech beforehand is that you get to make sure it's ALL
Feeling Messages, and that you've really stuck to my "Four Rules." (You'll find The Four Rules in
all of my programs, starting with my eBook, Have The Relationship You Want, because it's one of my
foundational, core Tools that will instantly help you stop arguments, reverse all the damage that's
been done in your relationship, and stop him from withdrawing.) To learn more about
my eBook, “Have the Relationship You Want” and to read it free for 7 days, click here.
Script 6: When He Talks About His Ex
The Scenario: He’s sitting across from you at dinner, it’s your first date or your tenth date, and he starts in talking about his ex wife or his ex girlfriend. You feel like crawling under the table, but, like a train-wreck, you are drawn into the story – hoping you’ll learn more about him.
What Won’t Work: Letting him talk about an ex. Or, worse - siding with him and bad-mouthing her. Or, even worse – helping him figure things out. Helping him analyze his patterns, understand what happened, figure out what to say to her, what to do about her. Lecturing him, or supporting him by telling him “what you know about
relationships.” Complaining about him talking about her.
Why It Doesn’t Work: There’s no way you can win in a conversation about his past loves. If you analyze or help him figure stuff out – you are in your “boy” energy, and that will block your emotional connection with him. If you just listen and nod your head, it might be fine if it felt good, but I’ve never met a woman who enjoyed hearing about a man’s past love life.
Step 1: Make a rule for yourself about whether you’ll listen to a man talk about his ex. If you decide No, as I did with my husband while we were dating, then stand by that. Now, if a man starts discussing his past or present pain around another woman, stay with your feelings. Listen for a moment and nod your head until you know you’ve heard enough and don’t want to go down this path.
Step 2—The Script:
“I feel uncomfortable talking about your ex. It doesn’t feel good to hear about other women in your life, especially if there’s a lot of energy around them. I’m starting to feel jealous, and weird, and way too curious…”
If he keeps going, and you start feeling even more strongly, say:
“I feel icky. I hate hearing about ex wives and ex girlfriends. It feels crummy. I feel like I don’t want to be here. I’m exhausted from talking about old relationships.”
Why It Works: You’re not making him wrong. You’re not passing judgment on his past or present relationships, or the way he’s handled things in the past, and you’re not letting him suck you into the drama of it all. You’re taking care of yourself, which is incredibly attractive to him, and you’re also letting him know that you won’t be participating with him in this kind of conversation.
You’re letting him know you require being FIRST in a man’s life, and that hearing about other women (if talking about his ex involves talking about his children – you’ll hear the part about the children, but not the part about the ex wife) is not something you tolerate.
Script 7: When He Pays Too Much Attention to Another
Woman
The Scenario: You’re at a party with your man, and he’s looking at another woman. Or he’s off in a corner talking to her. Or you’re at a bar together, and the girl next to him chats him up and he goes with it and keeps talking to her – forgetting to even introduce you as his girlfriend. Or, he has a best friend who happens to be a woman, and at the bar they dance and laugh together and it makes you crazy.
You hate being jealous, but you are. And you think he’s being a jerk, but you don’t know what to say to him.
What Won’t Work: Letting this kind of behavior go on and on, while pretending you “don’t care.” Accusing him of being an inconsiderate jerk.
Why It Doesn’t Work: If he cares for you, and he’s clueless and not very sensitive, he can’t even imagine why you feel jealous. He thinks you’re trying to “cramp his style” and control him. And, truthfully, you are. You want him all to yourself. And he just doesn’t want to be told what to do. He can’t even hear you. Or…
He’s a good guy, but when another woman talks to him, he doesn’t know how to get out of it. He needs your help. If you make him wrong and bad for talking to the other
woman, he’ll feel totally turned off and uncomfortable with you.
Step 1: Find your feelings. Go down into them. If you’re feeling insecure and jealous – own those feelings and get prepared to express them.
Step 2—The Script:
“I feel so uncomfortable when you’re paying attention to another woman and I’m there. I feel sort of like I’m just…standing there, and not getting the attention I want. I get jealous, and I don’t like it when I feel that way. It feels so icky. I know you’re not doing anything on purpose to hurt me, and I don’t want to be about telling you what to do. It just makes me feel like shutting down and walking away, or taking a cab and going home. I feel really mad. What can we do to make this better for both of us?
If he just starts talking about your insecurities and clinginess, instead of leaning in and saying “Oh, baby, I’m sorry…” say,
“Yes, I can get insecure and I don’t like feeling that way. When this happens I get triggered. I don’t like it.”
Why It Works: Again – back to basics: You’re not making him wrong when you talk like this. You’re not even saying the word “you” except to set the scene and the situation so he knows what you’re talking about (when this happened…). Speaking like this is telling the Truth, and it’s also sharing your Feeling State and Leaning Back. He will
automatically lean forward and try to solve the problem. Since you’re not accusing him of anything, he won’t immediately go “defensive” – instead, his masculine urge to “fix” things will kick in. Let him fix it.
Wrap Up
The secret to all these Scripts is in the authenticity of the words, how truthful they are, and how your body language and “vibe” match up to the words. If you’re feeling angry, he will feel your anger when you say, “I feel angry.” If you say, “I feel scared…” when whatever is happening in your relationship and his actions is making you feel insecure and afraid – he’ll feel you feeling your feelings and instantly jump into his masculine
energy. He’ll be able to hear you, and he’ll experience your words, your body language and vibe as confident.
He’ll “get” that you are a woman who loves herself, won’t settle for second-place in his life, and requires him to step up to the plate and be a good man in order to spend time with her. And he’ll step up. Let him.
I hope you’ll use these Scripts the next time you find yourself in an uncomfortable or confusing situation with a man. I wanted to put all of them into one valuable document that you can refer to again and again.
A fresh perspective and a willingness to experiment with new approaches can really turn things around in your love life. I have direct experience with this in my own life. More than 20 years ago, I was struggling in my new marriage. There was no communication, no affection and the love we once shared was turning into disappointment and fighting. When I finally gave up TRYING so hard to “fix” things and decided to try something completely new— a new way of speaking, being and feeling around my husband—our relationship turned around on a dime. We fell in love all over again and have been blissfully happy since! Years later, after showing my clients how to get the same results in their relationships, I decided to put all my ideas and Tools together into an eBook— “Have the Relationship You Want.”
My eBook is filled with the exact same insights and techniques that worked for me and actually work like magic to bring any man closer, no matter how bad your relationship is now and how much trouble you’re having with dating. For example, in my eBook you’ll learn:
· How to tap into your natural “feminine energy” so you feel more relaxed and drive him crazy with devotion and desire for you. (Chapter 15)
· The 5 Keys to creating a great relationship that you can refer back to again and again to feel more empowered and build a stronger, more bonded relationship. (page 13)
· A table of specific words to use for the most common situations when talking to a man so you’ll feel more relaxed and he’ll pay attention. (page 139-142)
· The TRUTH about men and what they really want out of love, and the one way they’re actually different from women (it’s not what you think). How to use these facts to do LESS - rather than more - in order to be loved and cherished. (page 43)
· Why getting a man to commit to you takes an important commitment on YOUR part first… Find out what it is and how to make the right space in your life for marriage or a serious commitment. (page 49-51)
• and much more.
My eBook is in PDF format, so you can read it in minutes and be trying my techniques the same day! I’m so positive you’ll love the book that I’ll let you download it today and examine it for a week before you have to pay a penny, and if you’re not happy with the value simply let me know within 7 days and you’ll owe me nothing.
Here’s where you can download the eBook right now:
http://www.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/ebook/
And if you’re interested in checking out any of the programs I’ve mentioned in these Scripts or learning even more Tools for attraction, self-esteem and confidence, please visit my online catalog here.
I’d also love to hear how it works out for you and how you felt after empowering yourself with the Scripts in this exclusive report. You can post your comments and questions on my blog: http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com, and I’ll be sure to check there often to see how you’re doing.
Love, Rori
