Relationships Toolkit: How to …

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Relationships Toolkit:

How to …

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Discussion Topic

Page

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Discussion 1: Introducing the Relationships Toolkit

“The purpose of this initial discussion is to introduce the toolkit as a way of encouraging you to reflect on and consider your current and past loving relationships, to think about your aspirations for the future for lasting and loving one-to-one relationships and what steps you might take, if you want to, to meet and get to know new people.

The idea is that, if being in a relationship is important to you now or in the future, there are things that you can do either to sustain your current relationships or to start a new relationship with a suitable person. For instance, you can consider the sort of places you go to, the things you do, the people you meet and get to know and the interests you have as being circumstances which might lead to forming a relationship.

You could also consider whether there are any patterns in your past relationships including perhaps the reasons they have ended. If there are patterns, maybe your approach or behaviour have had an influence and there may be things that you could change which might make it more likely that new relationships could get started and have a better chance of lasting.”

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Are you currently in a relationship? (Please check the appropriate box) Yes (If yes, move to part 1)

No (If no, move to part 2)

Part 1 - In a Relationship

Questions Answers Support Worker’s Comments

1. How is the relationship going? How long has it been going on? Do you think it might last?

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3. Are there things that would make the relationship better?

4. What could you do to achieve some of these ways of making the relationship better?

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Part 2 - Not in a Relationship

1. How important is being in a

relationship to you? (Please check the appropriate box)

Not very important

Quite important

Very important

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3. What do you think you have to give in a relationship?

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Reflections and Review

Question Answer

1. Are there key points, new insights or ideas that have stuck in your mind from this discussion?

Key points / insights / ideas:

2. Is there any action you intend to take as a result?

Actions:

Support Worker Name:

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Discussion 2: Reflecting on Past Relationships

“The purpose of this discussion is to think about and reflect on your past relationships to see if there are any particular patterns about what has gone well in them and what may not have gone so well. Reflecting on that is also an opportunity to consider what you thought was good and important about that relationship, and what you thought was not so good. This might help you to think about the sort of relationships you want to form in the future. You might also think about whether there are things you did which did not help to make the relationship successful. You may feel, in hindsight, there are things you might have done differently.

Discussing past relationships might bring up feelings of nostalgia, loss, disappointment or abandonment. That’s not a reason to avoid thinking about them or discussing them, but it’s worth being prepared for those feelings arising so that, if they do, you might be able to cope with them better. Not wanting to think about these things may be because you don’t want to bring up those feelings, but maybe you have to think about things that have happened in order to move on.”

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Afterthoughts and Review of Last Discussion – Introducing the Relationships Toolkit

Questions Answers

1. How did you feel about the last discussion?

2. Have you had any reflections or insights since the last discussion about relationships?

3. Did you take any action as a result of our last discussion?

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Questions

Questions _Answers

1. Thinking about your past life, which would you say have been the most important lasting and loving one-to-one relationships you have been in? Could you describe them briefly, how did you meet? How did you get to know each other? How long did they last? Did you live together? Were you married? How long did you know each other before you became partners?

Name of person with whom you shared the relationship

Brief description

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6. Taking each relationship in turn and looking back, what was it about those relationships that you valued and thought was good and important? What do you think was less good about those relationships?

Name of person you were in a relationship with

Things you particularly valued or thought were good or

important about that relationship

Things which were less good

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11.If relationships in the past were not going so well, were there people you could talk to about it, family or friends perhaps? What advice did they give you?

12. Looking back on those relationships, what would you say are the three most

important lessons you have learnt about relationships and how you’ve handled them?

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Actions:

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Discussion 3: Meeting New People

“Most people start new relationships through mutual friends, at work or through some shared interest, such as going to evening classes or a rambling club. The purpose of this discussion is to consider your current social activities and groups and to see if any of those may create opportunities for meeting new people. Also, this discussion will give you the opportunity to consider whether there are new activities that you might take up which would create new opportunities for meeting new people.”

Afterthoughts and Review of Last Discussion – Reflecting on Past Relationships

6. Have you had any reflections or insights since the last discussion about relationships?

7. Did you take any action as a result of our last discussion?

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Questions

1. How have you met people in the past with whom you have had relationships? (Please check all the appropriate boxes)

At work

Through friends

Through shared interests

Living nearby

At a social event

Please state any another ways in which you meet people:

2. Which social or group activities do you currently participate in where you might meet new people?

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Actions:

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Discussion 4: Overcoming Obstacles

“The purpose of this session is to consider the barriers or obstacles that you think you might have to overcome in meeting new people and starting new relationships. This discussion is also an opportunity to think about steps you could take to overcome those obstacles.”

Afterthoughts and Review of Last Discussion – Meeting New People

10.Have you had any reflections or insights since the last discussion about relationships?

11.Did you take any action as a result of our last discussion?

12.If so, how did it go? Did you learn anything from it about yourself or about how you should act in the

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Questions

1. What do you think are the barriers and obstacles for you in meeting new people and starting new relationships?

2. Which of these obstacles or barriers do you think you can influence?

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4. What steps would you have to take to overcome these obstacles? Will you need anyone else’s help? And over what period of time?

Steps you could take to overcome obstacles

Anyone whose help you might need

By when?

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Actions:

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Discussion 5: Changing your Behaviour

“The purpose of this discussion is to consider whether there are aspects of your own behaviour you think you might need to change in order to make it more likely that you might meet new people and start new relationships.”

Afterthoughts and Review of Last Discussion – Overcoming Obstacles

13.How did you feel about the last discussion?

16.If so, how did it go? Did you learn anything from it about yourself or about how you should act in the future?

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Questions

9. Are there aspects of your own behaviour which you think might be obstacles to forming lasting and loving relationships? For example, do you get angry or even violent too easily, or could you reduce the amount you drink or perhaps improve your general health? Or is your appearance

something you might want to change?

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11.Would you need anyone’s help? Action Whose help would you need?

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10.Is there any action you intend to take as a result?

Actions:

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Discussion 6: Thinking about the Future

“The purpose of this discussion is to encourage you to start thinking about how you want to see yourself in the future.”

Afterthoughts and Review of Last Discussion – Changing your Behaviour

17.How did you feel about the last discussion?

20.If so, how did it go? Did you learn anything from it about yourself or about how you should act in the future?

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Questions

Now look back at how you described yourself in the first discussion. Check if your description reflects the things you value and the things you want to change.

If not, think about and note down how you would like to see yourself and how you would like other people to see you.

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11.Are there key points, new insights or ideas that have stuck in your mind from this discussion?

12.Is there any action you intend to take as a result?

Actions:

Support Worker Name:

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Discussion 7: Next Steps

“The purpose of this discussion is action planning. The idea is that you should plan things which you want to do which are not just general long term aspirations, but specific actions you want to take in the foreseeable future.

Bearing in mind all the previous discussions’ identify three actions that you now want to take. Try to make them as specific and realistic as possible. Try also to set a deadline by which you want to achieve them. So don’t say ‘lose some weight’’ do say: ‘lose one stone by end of March’.

You might also want to identify if you need any one’s help.”

What I'm going to do What help I need When I'm going to do it by

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Relationships Toolkit: How to …