INTRODUCTION
Ever wondered what’s the first message you should send a girl? How to ask a girl on a date: and feel confident that she’ll say ‘yes’? How to use texts to flirt with girls until they can’t wait to see you? How to contact a girl after not hearing from her for ages?
My name is Hayley Quinn and I’m a leading expert in texting, communication and dating. After having tons of guys come to me with questions about how, what, and when to text a girl: I decided to put down all of my knowledge (including more than 125 original Sexy Texts) into an eBook guide to help you.
Think about how important texts, and emails, are to dating today. Long gone are the days of the love letter, maybe even the phone call: we now have about 156 characters to express our intentions in.
What’s more tons of girls are phone-a-phobic. This means that you may not be able to get them to pick up your call to set a date. This is why I’ve put together this eBook to help you master the art of texting.
I want to help you to create original text messages, that get the results you want, with the women you want.
I may not be able to give you set in stone rules, but I can give you: • 125+ unique text templates that I’ve written especially for
this eBook,
• Tons of useful tips & sensible guidelines to work within • ‘Workshops’ on how you can construct original messages • A structure for how your text interaction might go (i.e. What
to say when!)
In short I never want you to be stuck for what to say, or text, ever again...
ABOUT HAYLEY QUINN
Hayley Quinn has helped thousands of men globally get the women they want: and has been a featured dating expert for Cosmopolitan, FHM, Askmen and the Independent.
A UCL English graduate and professional writer; Hayley has used her knowledge of the English language to create hundreds of original sexy texts.
She’s also a dab hand at decoding messages, teaching conversation skills and helping you to understand what makes the people in your love life tick.
If you want to contact Hayley Quinn about what’s been featured in this eBook, or to learn more about how she can help you with sex, relationships and dating send an email to her personal email address [email protected] or check out www.hayley-quinn.com
CONTENTS
Introducing Hayley Quinn’s Irresistible Texts Rule Book
Rules of Irresistible Texts Contents
Golden Rules of Irresistible Texts
Key Concepts of Irresistible Texts
A Basic Irresistible Texts Structure
First Texts:
• An introduction to First Texts
• 25 First Text Templates
• 5 Ways to... Say Hello
• Workshop: Don’t Demand
Connecting Texts:
• An Introduction to Connecting Texts
• 25 Connecting Text Templates
• 5 Ways to... Keep it Going
• Workshop: Signs She’s Ready for a Date
Date Texts:
• An Introduction to Date Texts
• 25 Date Text Templates
• 5 Ways to... Go for the Date
• Workshop: What next...?
Teasing Texts:
• An Introduction to Teasing Texts
• 25 Teasing Text Templates
• 5 Ways to... Effectively Tease a Girl
• Workshop: Turn your Texts to Sex
Ping Texts:
• An Introduction to Ping Texts
• 25 Ping Text Templates
• 5 Ways to... Say Hello...Again
• Workshop: Reconnecting with a Ping
More Irresistible Texts
10 GOLDEN RULES OF
IRRESISTIBLE TEXTS
The truth is...
When it comes to dating successfully there are very few ‘rules’. If there were, why would the people who always seem to get what they want from relationships never stick to them?
Sure some guys can burn the rule book- and still be successful- but if you’re a guy that doesn’t have a 100% batting average then these ‘rules’ (or shall we call them guidelines?) are well worth sticking to.
If you find girls often cancel, or never commit, to dates; if you don’t get the responses you want, if the girl you like loses interest halfway through, or if you just want to get better...I’d kick start your Irresistible Texts overhaul with my 10 Golden Rules of Irresistible Texts.
1. Don’t ask vague questions:
Make a question too broad and it becomes very difficult to answer; so steer clear of ‘how have you been?’, ‘what have you been up to recently?’ if you want an answer that’s better than, ‘oh stuff...’
2. Be specific:
Want to set a date that she’ll agree to? Then be very clear about what it involves. Ask, ‘what are you up to this Saturday?’ and she’ll have no idea what she’s committing to. The result? She won’t commit to a date and will give you a flaky response. Be clear about what you want to do with her, so she knows what she’s agreeing to. Even better, make it sound exciting and she’s more likely to say yes. So replace, ‘What are you up to this Friday?’, with ‘Let’s sling back rum daiquiri cocktails after work Friday.’
2. Counter demand:
If she asks you to do something for her: make a counter demand. For instance, if she can only meet on a certain day; choose the location and what you’re doing. If she makes a financial demand make it clear that she’s buying the next round. Or if she is playing hard to get- say that you can only meet her for a limited time.
3. Make decisions:
Instead of planning the date around her, plan the date for yourself. Instead of asking her what food she’d prefer, take her somewhere that you want to check out. Instead of asking her what time she’s free: tell her what days are best for you to meet.
4. Use strong language:
There’s no ‘if’s’, ‘but’s’, ‘maybe’s’, or ‘would you like to’s’ about it. When asking a girl out, you want to state your intentions like it’s already a done deal. So scrap all the, ‘would you like to maybe...’ and replace rapidly with ‘let’s try...’
5. Don’t accept second place:
If she doesn’t give you a firm ‘yes’ back, then accept it as a ‘no’. ‘I’ve got to check my schedule’, ‘I may be meeting a friend that night’ etc all can be reinterpreted as ‘I’m just not that into you’. That doesn’t mean you give up, but you may need to swap tactics.
6. Mirror her levels of investment:
If she’s says she can’t see you for a long time first of all note Golden Rule 5; then mirror her! Act like you’re busy too, and are pushed for time to link up. Back off a little, rather than pushing her to commit to more time with you, when she’s already pulling away.
7. Match her ratio:
This means that you do not send her tons of texts in a row and blow up her phone, if she doesn’t respond. Keep the ratio of your texts 1:1 where possible. If she doesn’t reply, then at least give her a couple of days of space before you try her again.
8. Act nonchalant if she says ‘no’:
If you get a flat out ‘no’, or an ‘I’m busy’, do not get angry with her! This will only show that you care more about this than she does, and will only act as a disincentive for her seeing you again. If in doubt an ‘ok cool x’ works wonders.
9. Try a low commitment date first:
Getting a number is not a licence to have a date with a girl: so don’t expect to get one easily, especially if you only met her briefly, or
if she seemed uncertain about giving you her number. Under these circumstances the number is a little ‘cold’ and so a date that’s easy for her to commit to (like coffee, or after work drinks on a week night) may be more likely to get a positive response than offering to fly her to Paris for the weekend, or taking her out for a flashy meal.
10. Go for it!:
Lots of times text interactions can run on and on without the guy asking the girl out. This just kills the mystery and attraction of the exchange. Don’t send her 20, or even 10, texts in a row without suggesting a date. As long as she’s giving you positive signs (check out my section on ‘going for the date’) then tie her down to a commitment quickly. Don’t let the interaction lose momentum. Don’t leave her wondering whether you’re into her. Don’t snooze and lose. Be direct and confident that if you get knocked back, you’ll have a better idea of where you stand and how to make the best out of the situation.
SOME KEY CONCEPTS
Now before I launch into my 125 unique text templates, and tips, there’s just a few more key concepts to understand.
Throughout this eBook I may mention some ‘theory’ (nothing too heavy, promise) which I’ll do my best to explain in this section. If any of the terminology is unfamiliar at any time then please flick to the Glossary section at the back for a detailed explanation.
Wrapping your head around these concepts is important though: it will mean you’ll have an improved understanding of where to use certain messages, and maybe where things haven’t quite gone to plan in the past.
And yes unfortunately you do need to know what text is the right one to send to which girl: all women, and interactions are unique, and must be treated as such.
Get it wrong and it will be like using a sledge hammer to pick a lock; or the textual equivalent of believing all women are the same. Anyone who has ever loved women, kissed them, endeavoured to buy a birthday present for them, will know this is never the case...
Investment
The most important concept in Irresistible Texts, and arguably most relationships; is what I refer to as investment.
Investment, in this context, is how much you care about the outcome of something. How much you put into something.
In relationships the ideal scenario would be a 50/50 tussle for investment: a perfect match in terms of how much time you want to spend together, where you see the relationship going, how much you want things to ‘work out’.
So what does this have to do with texts?
Well, just like in other areas of your dating life the key is usually to understand how invested another person is in you; and to mirror their investment.
Let me give you some examples as to why this is important.
Say you meet a lovely girl on your commute and get her number. You drop her a cool and witty text yet she doesn’t reply. It’s not that she didn’t like you, but she had a busy evening when she got home and just forgot all about it. You text her again: this time you sound a little agitated at her lack of response. She recognises your annoyance, and is put off from contacting you again- she decides you may not be the right guy for her, so she decides to leave it. By this stage you feel really disappointed and frustrated: you thought you got on so well. You send another text. She feels freaked out by your intensity and deletes your number. She also probably jokes about this ‘crazy guy’ she met to her friends.
What’s weird is, that it wasn’t that you were incompatible, or that she didn’t like you: but your intensity scared her off.
Another example?
You’ve been texting a girl for a few days and it seems to be going well. She is responding to all of your messages and you feel excited about your date this Friday. But when Friday night comes around, she cancels, last minute. You text her next week and she replies again: but when you go for the date, no response. You skim back through the messages and realise that whilst you were doing everything to keep the conversation going (that ‘Goodnight snuggle Vixen’ message was a little cringe worthy in hindsight) her replies were, well, a bit crap. Lots of ‘Lol’, ‘haha’ and ‘:) xxx’. Apparently these aren’t the good signs you thought they were, and you slowly realise whilst you were busy entertaining her, she was probably just replying for the sake of replying.
Both these problems are to do with investment: she has not invested as much as you. There are several factors that influence investment:
• How long you were speaking to her for when you first got the number.
• How long you’ve been in contact in proportion to how much physical time you’ve spent together (face time is always preferable to text time so try to get her to commit to a date quickly).
• How willing she was to give you her number. • What other guys she has in her life right now.
And there are several ‘warning signs’ of low investment:
• She takes ages to respond
• Her texts are brief and consist more of emoticons than real content.
• She doesn’t make an effort to keep the conversation going. • She seems to cool off, or doesn’t respond, whenever you
suggest meeting in person.
If she is behaving in a low investment way, it’s not the end of the world; but it does mean you may need to play the game a little differently.
Maybe your date suggestion will be a quick coffee, rather than a day trip to the zoo. You also may want to use more conversational hooks, and if that fails, try teasing her to prompt more of a reaction.
High risk messages which are short, punchy and tricky for her to respond to are likely not to go down so well: though sometimes a low investment response can be broken by you being much more direct. So if you’ve been texting for ages- and yet haven’t quite managed to ask her out- then pick up the phone; or send a message a bit like this:
“Am I the only one who’s bored of texting? Conversations always better in real life- let’s try to link up for coffee this week x”
Hot/cold numbers
Some numbers are just more solid than others.
Sometimes an interaction that you thought went amazingly well comes to nothing: other times that 30 second pick up you did with the girl at the bus stop, bites ridiculously well.
There are some general rules though which can dictate which numbers are more solid than others. I distinguish between these two kinds of numbers by calling them ‘hot’ or ‘cold’. A cold number is one that is flakier: or harder work to convert into a date.
Some characteristics of cold numbers:
• You may have got a girl’s number in a rush, and only spent a very short amount of time with her.
• She was hesitant to give her number out.
• She gave her number with an excuse: ‘my phone may not work in the UK’ etc.
• She doesn’t always respond.
• She uses lots of low investment ‘lols’, ‘hahaha’s’ and smilies to keep the conversation going.
• She doesn’t ask about you or give any further details about herself.
A hot number on the other hand is much stronger to begin with: and as long as no major screw ups in your Irresistible Texts occur, should convert into a date:
• You met a girl through an existing social circle.
• You spent a long time talking to the girl: maybe even went on an ‘instant date’ then and there.
• You discussed linking up again during your initial meeting. • She responds relatively quickly and at a decent length. • She offers you details about her life.
• She asks you questions.
So how differently would you treat a hot versus a cold number?
If it’s a hot number you’ll probably be able to get her to commit to a date on messages 2-3; a cold number you’ll need to wait until you get enough ‘investment’ from her: that’s ‘signs she’s ready for a date’.
If it’s a hot number momentum (we’re coming to that in a second) is slightly less important. You can leave it a little longer before getting in contact. With a cold number if you leave it a week, her interest will probably have cooled to zero.
If it’s a hot number if you want to you can ask for a higher commitment date like a night out, or dinner. If it’s a cold number stick to a quick coffee or after work cocktails.
If it’s a hot number you sometimes need to just play it cool enough; with a cold number you may need to use more connecting and teasing texts to build interest from her... depending on what kind of messages she responds best to.
Remember interactions between a man and a woman need sexual tension to keep the interest going. If there was a huge spark, and a great experience, when you first met- her interest levels are going to stay higher for longer than an interaction that was lukewarm. And you ALWAYS want to go for the date when the proverbial iron is as hot as possible.
So when you’re using my text templates always bear in mind how ‘hot’ the interaction is: and ALWAYS try to go for the date when the interaction is at its peak. Just remember this peak is so often ‘ASAP’; so when you get those ‘buying signs’ that she’s ready for the date GO FOR IT.
Momentum
No matter how solid the number is, or isn’t, momentum is always fundamental to ensuring you get that date.
As I’ve mentioned before, you’ve got to think of an interaction as having different degrees of ‘warmth’- how strongly connected to a girl you are.
To explain this concept more clearly I’m going to run you through a couple of scenarios:
• How a hot number can become cold • How a cold number can become hot
Hot to Cold:
You decide to go to a friend’s house party on Saturday. You see a cute girl across the room, who your friend has known since school. You hit it off by teasing her about how much punch she’s drinking: and throughout the night seem to spend most of your time locked into conversation. You get her number early on (you both support Chelsea FC!) and when you leave you think you should have kissed her. You send her a message a few days later (you don’t want to come on too strong) and you get a response fairly quickly. Again you decide to leave it a while before responding. Soon you’re swapping texts every few days and a week passes. You’re not sure if she wants to meet up again so you procrastinate on asking her out- and kind of hope she’ll suggest something to you. Her responses become less frequent. You panic so text more: and break the 1:1 text ratio. Lots of your texts are a little pointless and don’t have a purpose. By the time you really want to ask for the date the number is dead.
Cold to hot:
You see a cute girl waiting to get on a bus and you force yourself to approach. She’s a little taken aback at first, but warms up after the first minute: then her bus comes. You push for a number, and after some hesitation she agrees. You send her something witty later that day, making reference to her bus journey and how random it was meeting her. She responds with a short low investment message the next day. Later that evening you use an assumption to guess about what she’s up to & to try to build more of a connection with her. It works- this time her response is more engaged. You then switch to teasing her and she responds even faster, teasing you back. Recognising the signs that she’s getting more into you: you are direct and state that you think coffee tomorrow after work is a great idea. She agrees...
You may see some of yourself in these scenarios...
When you choose to escalate, your ability to keep the interaction interesting, reacting successfully to her, and going in for the date at the nearest possible opportunity are all key factors influencing why the momentum of the interaction is so important.
Space
What’s better than you getting angry with a girl’s flaky responses? What do you do when she doesn’t respond how you want How do you behave when she becomes cooler towards you. One of the most valuable tools at your Irresistible Texts disposal is space. Sometimes the best action is inaction.
Look back to my Golden Rules section: 6. Mirroring her investment levels are very important. Seem way more into her than she’s into you, and your disproportionate investment will scare her off. Sometimes giving a person space is the best way forward.
Space allows you to:
• Maintain your cool. • Consider your response.
• Allow her to miss your attention and consider her actions. • Not appear needy or emotionally volatile.
Some great times to use space would be:
• If she sends a message that doesn’t require a response (‘hahaha’ or ‘Great thanks- have a good day’ are examples of this).
• If she doesn’t reply to you asking for the date.
• If her response to you asking for the date is flaky, mirror her investment levels with an ‘ok rain check! Mad busy over here too...’ then give her space.
• If she’s rude beyond just being playful.
Space doesn’t mean you’re never texting her again. It just means you’re giving her a little time to consider her actions before you take this any further. The general rule of thumb is giving a couple of days of space for the first ‘offence’; then for every ‘offence’ after that extend how long she does ‘space time’ for.
Being a ‘space cadet’ who is non-needy can be incredibly powerful: when used in the right way. Appear cool, calm and independent through your messages and you always leave the door more open for recontacting using a ping message: than if you fly off the handle.
A BASIC IRRESISTIBLE
TEXTS STRUCTURE
If you’re thinking, ‘yikes that diagram is making my head hurt’ don’t panic! There are some very simple rules at play here:
• If you get a warm response you are always trying to escalate the interaction. So if you get a positive response you move things in the direction of meeting up in person.
• You focus on setting up the date scenario before you arrange the logistics (more on this later).
• You keep momentum up: and stay in some contact with them until the date has happened.
• If at any stage you don’t get the response you want use ping game to try to re-engage them.
• If their response becomes colder then you can try using connection building/ teasing texts to get their response to a level of warmth where suggesting a date makes sense again.
And that is a basic structure to how all these guidelines and theories may play out in real life.
IRRESISTIBLE TEXTS RULE
BOOK: FIRST TEXTS
An Introduction to First Texts
First texts require no explanation, but that doesn’t make them any easier to write. The first impression you make is important. You want to hit the tone just right so that you come across as friendly but still sexy, interested but not needy, direct but not dismissive.
Get the tone wrong and decrease your odds of a response. Don’t get a response to your first text and then you straight away have to consider whether you should call the girl, risk sending two texts in a row, or angrily deleting the girl’s number (not that I’d usually advise you to do this, or get angry full stop).
When?
You know that old rule about leaving it two days before you respond to a girl? Forget it. Now. That rule was created when people only had a landline, and unhappy singletons spent their evenings clicking through their voicemail. Now that we are never more than a foot from our BB, or iEverythings it just doesn’t make sense any longer to wait ages before sending her that first message.
If you meet a girl during the daytime then drop her a text a couple of hours after you’ve met. If you meet her at night, try the next afternoon. In short strike whilst the iron is hot! That way she’ll remember how great the interaction was, you’ll have a genuine connection and she’ll remember the reasons why she gave you her number in the first place.
Rules of text thumb
Look, as I’ve mentioned to you before there aren’t so much in the way of ‘hard and fast rules’ as there are ‘generally sensible guidelines’. Each text, interaction and relationship is unique and should be treated as such. That said when you’re putting a first text together...
• Don’t dive straight into asking for the date, unless you already discussed this when you met (& she seemed seriously keen). Your first mission is always just to get a response!
• Write a decent length of text. Very short texts make it hard for her to respond to you.
• Try to include some details from the original interaction: this will help her to remember why you clicked.
• Be specific. Asking vague ‘what have you been up to?’ style questions are, again, very tricky for her to respond to. Instead make a specific assumption about what she’s doing/ how she’s feeling.
• Don’t make it all about one specific question: if she doesn’t respond to a texts that ends with a very direct question
then it comes across like she’s ignored you. Even if this is the case, you don’t want it to appear as such.
No response?
If your original message sucked- try again in 2 days time with a ping message or put in an ‘anti-flake’ phone call.
1. Did that really just happen? Ok you’re officially crazy; and so we should be friends. ADAM x
Use a qualification for why she gets to be your friend.
2. Hey ITALIAN MARIA- is this where I say CIAO? Ok I’m rubbish. Let’s kick start a FOREIGN LANGUAGE course via text. You teach me some ITALIAN & you get to learn the best ENGLISH slang, ALEX
Use a knowledge exchange to get the banter started.
3. You + crazy DANCE MOVES + too much TEQUILA = a really bad headache today. You better be in pain too over there... RALPH x
Bring back fun memories of the night before.
4. Happy MONDAY... meeting you on SATURDAY night was cool. Are you bored at your desk now or having way more fun than me? PETE x
Engage them when they’re bored to up your chances of a response.
5. Hey LAURA, you seem like a pretty interesting girl; despite the fact you love OASIS! We should catch up sometime. FREDDIE x
Tease her about her hobbies & interests to prompt a response.
6. I went to bed at 5am last night... I remember meeting a crazy girl at about midnight. Please explain (no rude words) what happened in between...CHRIS x
Ask for no rude words and she might be tempted to disobey.
7. I like how you text me late last night. Sorry – got bored and went home; feel free to carry on pestering me to meet though ;) JOHN x
Tease her if she text you first.
8. Hey HAIRDRESSER ALICE, are you busy dealing with a demanding customer or gossiping with co-workers? PHIL x
Use what you know about her to assume what she’s up to when she receives the text.
9. Have you googled me yet ;)
Take a risk and assume everything she does is a sign she’s massively attracted to you.
10. *Attach picture of breakfast/ cool activity etc* My weekend keeps improving! Last night was almost as fun though... ;) Adrian x
Use multimedia messages to get a more engaged response.
11. Did you ever make your meeting? It was fun making myself late for work by meeting you HARJ x
Sometimes it’s ok to be romantic, as long as you don’t come across as needy.
12. And here was me thinking you were going to break the stereotype and text me first ;) or are you not as much of a rebel as I thought? Phil x
Make her justify herself to get a response.
13. Random meeting you like that... or have you always ignored your parents’ warnings about talking to strangers? ;) AIDEN x
Things are more tempting to do if they’re forbidden.
14. And here was I thinking I was having a boring Sunday...
Risky. Only use if you think she fell for you or if you met in an unusual way.
15. Hey NEW YORK LISA, so how has your first month in London been? Hope you haven’t had to ‘cut a bitch’ (or whatever you get up to in BROOKLYN) yet ;) RICH x
Use where they’re from, or another stereotype, to tease them.
16. Still can’t believe you’ve never heard of THE CURE. We’re never going to be Facebook friends at this rate... Mike x
Challenge her on her tastes& let her know she has to qualify to be your friend.
17. So from now on, every time I catch the TRANSPORT am I going to meet an interesting girl, in a BLUE COAT & talk about VIDEO GAMES? Carl x
Use a low risk reminder of where you met her to show you listened to her.
18. Hey MARSHA, you seemed like a pretty interesting girl to meet in CLOTHES SHOP. Next time we speak should be over COFFEE, not CLOTHES RAILS, though. PETER x
If you met a girl whilst she was working sometimes it works taking a risk & being direct.
19. Hi RACHEL, always good meeting someone who’s into XXXX- you can’t have everything in common with me though. Bet you don’t like XXX, XXXX, or XXXXX Chris x
Give her a detailed list of likes/ dislikes and she’ll have plenty to respond to.
20. Hey CHRISTINA, so I guess this is blind texting? Feel like throwing caution to the wind and going for blind phone call instead? Ed x
If you didn’t meet in person, try to up their investment by getting them on the phone.
21. Hey MELISSA, I like how we’ve upgraded from emails to texts: do you always like to move fast? ;)
Do a role reversal and make out that she’s the one pursuing you.
22. Hey NINA, now we’re officially off work’s internet system, why don’t we say something naughty...? Like how I’ve always suspected that there’s something going on between JO in ACCOUNTS and MIKE...
Share a secret to create an ‘in joke’
23. Hey very CHILLED SARAH, so are you totally used to guys coming up to you in the street? You seemed like a pro to me, IAN ;)
Discuss their personality: everyone likes talking about themselves.
24. Hey LINDA, I don’t usually text girls first but you looked like you had a lot to say ... So what else don’t I know about you? FRANK x
Set an expectation that she has a lot to say for herself to get a good response.
25. Hey! Here’s my number, keep it safe, don’t show it to your friends, or text it 100 times a day, and I think we could become good friends :P WILLIAM x
Use what her fears about you could be in order to tease her in reverse.
5 WAYS TO...SAY HELLO
What to say, what to say.
The first text (like so many first’s) is always the worst: the trickiest to write. However, there are five styles of first text that you can play around with and adapt to give you the best chance of her saying hello back.
1. It was ‘random’ how you met, wasn’t it?
So you thought about how to approach the girl you were interested in for about five minutes, moved into the right position, began to walk forward three times (psyched yourself out twice) then eventually said ‘Hi’ using a line you’d heard.
Unsurprisingly going out ‘on the pull’ and approaching lots of women; is not the ‘romantic dream’ a girl will want to believe is the reason you approached her. So making a comment about the serendipitous nature of how you met is usually a good idea. Though a text like the one below will work uncannily well when sent out on mass to multiple women (not that I’d advocate such a thing . . .):
Random meeting you like that . . . or have you always ignored your parents’ warnings about talking to strangers? ;) AIDEN x
2. It’s all about her
People tend to have a relatively sick fascination with their own lives: so focusing your first text around her makes good sense. Tease her about her life, or ask her a question that is pertinent to what you knew she was going to spend the rest of the day, or night, doing.
Think you don’t know anything about her? Well I’m sure you probably know her name and where she’s from (if you don’t use a generic text like the one above). A little imagination involving national stereotypes can leave you with a text that is teasing and relevant:
Hey NEW YORK LISA, so how has your first month in London been? Hope you haven’t had to ‘cut a bitch’ (or whatever you get up to in BROOKLYN) yet ;) RICH x
3. Remind her
A great way to bring back that ‘high point’ of when you got her number is to remind her of what you talked about at the time you met.
The good news is this doesn’t have to be a witty comment. You can literally list the conversational ‘hooks’ in a fun format like the one below:
You + crazy DANCE MOVES + too much TEQUILA = a really bad headache today. You better be in pain too over there . . . RALPH x
Just make sure at the end you use that magic word ‘you’ to turn the comment back towards the girl you’re texting (‘You better be in pain too over there . . . ‘) so she knows that she has something to respond to and comment on.
4. A well timed assumption
Instead of asking a girl ‘What are you up to?’, it’s usually tons more effective to imagine what she’s doing. That’s right, take a guess. This works so much better than a direct question, because whilst a direct question may make her feel put on the spot (and seriously ding your value if she doesn’t respond) an assumption will prompt her to correct you, or explain what she’s doing: because you’re making a comment about her life . . . . which is the one thing people tend to reliably be interested in, and feel the need to respond to.
Happy MONDAY . . . meeting you on SATURDAY night was cool. Are you bored at your desk now or having way more fun than me? PETE x
You may also want to think about the timing of your text.
If you meet on Saturday night then when she’s bored at her desk on a Monday morning can be a great time to send the message that brings back all of those positive memories of when you met. (However, if she’s the kind of girl that likes to be chained to her desk—in a purely workaholic sense—then Sunday would be better timing to engage her.)
5. Be gentle with her
Teasing is awesome: and absolutely fundamental in making sure that you don’t wind up friend zoned. That said, tease too hard on a number that isn’t that hot and she’ll could think ‘what an idiot’ and ignore you. So use texts like:
So have you googled me yet? ;)
got a LOT of numbers and want to work out which girls are seriously keen on you. A great time to use a tease would be if the girl has come onto you strongly/ contacted you. Here you can pretend that she’s the one who is pursuing you:
I went to bed at 5am last night . . . I remember meeting a crazy girl at about midnight. Please explain (no rude words) what happened in between . . . CHRIS x
RULES OF IRRESISTIBLE
TEXTS
Workshop 1. Ice Breakers Online
Thanks to the infinite amount of ways technology has found us to say ‘hi’ you may not have got a girl’s number: you could have got her email or her Facebook name. It is also a valid form of staying in contact to state that you would like (say “Let’s me take your number,” not “Can I have your number”) if she feels uncomfortable giving you her number.
So how do you say hi through other forms of media? Facebook:
1. Send a message to incentivise your add: When it comes to adding girl’s on Facebook a personal message does help. She’ll feel more at ease, and that it’s more personal. Also if you add a girl and don’t send her an ice breaker message what do you think the chances are of her taking the initiative to accept you?
2. If you’re adding tons of girls: delete the update from your wall. Appear like a player and she won’t think ‘wow he’s so in demand’; she’ll be suspicious.
3. Avoid being generic: Just like a text message personalise and don’t just over validate her with a generic comment about her looks. So ditch the ‘hey cutie, I love your smile in your profile pic’ and rapidly replace with a version of the text templates
A template for an ice breaker Facebook you could use is:
Hey Sarah
Interesting meeting you last night—congrats for managing to hold it together on the dance floor.
Though I’ve just seen you like Akon . . . explain? I expected you to be more of a rock chick. Let’s catch up sometime Eric
Email:
1. If this is a vaguely business contact that you obtained ‘indirectly’ on the grounds of ‘networking’ then you need to make that the main premise of the email. Launch into lots of social chit chat and you will appear like you’ve mislead her. Instead keep it business orientated at the beginning and end—with just a short social anecdote in between.
Hey Kat
Here is the link to the event I mentioned:
Just got back from a long jog—definitely trying to fit too much into a Monday. How’s your project going? Did you beat your deadlines or are you joining me in being chronically behind?
2. Keep it short: yes emails allow you to write at length—don’t. Keep it short and to the point. Anything too long—or several emails in a row unanswered would be an over investment.
3. Don’t do a Facebook add: you have her email—ergo it’s very tempting to add her on Facebook, linked in, Twitter etc or other social media. However, if you’ve said you’ll email stick to this for now. If some serious banter ensures—or you meet in person a few times then an ‘add’ or a ‘follow’ will seem a lot more ‘friend’ than ‘fan’.
IRRESISTIBLE TEXTS:
CONNECTING TEXTS
Intro to Connecting Texts
Imagine this: you met a cute girl in a club on Saturday night, after you swapped some texts Sunday you arranged a date . . . two weeks from now (drat that work conference/ essay deadline/ her hectic social life). This is great but by the time two weeks has passed, she may not feel up for the date. She’ll flake.
Why? Remember when you made that commitment to go to a friend’s birthday way ahead of time? When you agreed to it you were pretty convinced that you were going to go? Then the day comes around, you haven’t caught up with your friend in ages, you’ve got a busy week at work, you feel broke and you FLAKE.
Exactly the same things may go through a girl’s mind in the run up to meeting you. If you got her number quickly, if she was uncertain to begin with, if it’s ages before you can meet again in person, you need to stay in touch. Use connecting texts to build that investment from her and make sure she feels more into you than ever by the time your date comes around.
When?
You don’t want to overwhelm a girl by texting her every day: but you don’t want to leave her weeks at a time without hearing from you.
Aim to have a quick text exchange maybe once every 3 days in-between when you set the date, and when you eventually get to hook up. Keep these exchanges quite brief: you don’t want to destroy the mystery, you just want to keep her interested enough so that she doesn’t flake on your date.
Rules of Text Thumb
These texts should give value: they should make her smile, be conversational and easier to respond to.
The shorter and more direct they are the higher risk they become. ‘So . . . ‘ text to the right girl, who’s into you, will push her to write something witty; a girl that isn’t biting quite so hard will ignore you.
Use games, MMS and curiosity to prompt a response.
Don’t over invest: keep your conversations short, try to end the text conversation first and don’t keep pushing if she’s giving you low investment responses. Instead of trying to keep her talking, give her some space to miss you.
No response?
These texts should be generally low investment i.e. It shouldn’t matter too much if you send one with no response. A couple in a row
unanswered though could spell trouble. Give her a few days to respond and if you don’t hear anything, pick up the phone and try to build her interest levels the old fashioned way—by having a conversation.
1. So . . . .
A high risk prompt if you want her to take the initiative.
2. Time to get to know you better—let’s play five questions. Just keep yours clean ;)
Use some reverse psychology to get her flirting with you. 3. Knock Knock
Ivan.
Ivan to stop texting and see you in person . . . Use a classic corny joke to get her responding.
4. So I’ve had a day involving breaking hearts, near death experiences and ice cream . . . can you top that?
Suggest your life is awesome and challenge her to compete with it. 5. I’m sure you told me about something you were doing today
that was important to you. Naturally I’ve forgotten all about what it is—but I have remembered to ask about it?
You can make this up—and come across like a jerk—but if your relationship is playful it could still work!
6. Aren’t you going to tell me off?
Twig her curiosity to get her drawn into responding. 7. Monday mornings suck don’t they?
Talk about a feeling everyone shares to engage her. 8. My three most recent googles: ‘Dirty knock, knock jokes’,
‘corrupt corporations’, ‘translate ‘PIXIE’ into Cornish’. You?
A fun exercise to play with a girl and suggest a little about what kind of a guy you are.
9. Just stocked up on GINGER BEER, PRETZELS & ELASTIC BANDS i.e. I’m working hard. What are your 3 desert island items? Use classic scenario questions to get a well thought out response.
10. It’s going to be a long day (it’s tough being so important ;) . . . are you going to make me envious by doing something more fun?
Prompt her to boast to you, then tease her about what she says. 11. Isn’t this supposed to be NATIONAL CAKE DAY? Are you
celebrating yet? X
Every week there’s a national holiday of some kind – abuse this fact.
12. I’m bored—let’s play a game. I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with B . . .
Transform old fashioned games via text.
13. I’m instigating a game of text tag—put your foot in? Create an environment of fun by recreating school games. 14. Yikes have you seen the news today? I won’t be impressed if
you’re not a current affairs kind of girl ;)
Use something topical to kick start a conversation.
15. Imagine you’re doing HOT CHOCOLATE after a RAINY DAY & watching WIFE SWAP. Question is, are you also psychic?
Be cocky by assuming what she’s doing, and be prepared to be corrected!
16. Is it wrong that I hate HAPPY NEW YEAR’S texts?
Use the time of year to send an unconventional seasonal message.
17. I’ve decided we need to quit our jobs and go on holiday to THAILAND . . . .
18. I had a very late night yesterday. Drank a silly amount. Never again until I can afford 24 hour care the day afterwards . . . Talk charismatically about your life and see if she compares hers.
19. Sunshine! You better be out preening, picnicking and partying. Use the environment to suggest to her what you should be doing.
20. Hmmm . . . * insert YouTube video or picture*
Send a link, wait for her opinion on it, and then disagree! 21. Have you ever read ‘GONE WITH THE WIND?’ . . . there’s
something of the SCARLET O’HARA about you.
Use comparisons with books & movies to compliment her. 22. Where am I? *insert picture* strictly three guesses only!
Use picture messages to play games.
23. Rubbish day! You get bonus points if you can make me smile Challenge her to impress you.
24. How many stars would you give today? If below 4 let’s fix that. Make her smile on a dull day.
25. Weekend score sheet: please complete. Number of drunken adventures . . . Friends that made you laugh . . . Hours taken out to chill out . . .
5 WAYS TO . . . KEEP IT
GOING
If your date is more than a few days away: or if you’re in the early stages of dating, you’re going to need/ want to occasionally get in touch with the girl.
You need to strike the balance of communication just right in order to maintain attraction but not overwhelm her.
Texting every day would be way too much: texting once a week probably too little to maintain enough interest on her part to see you for another date.
So keep the text ratio generally 1:1: breaking this only if you’ve had a few days of space in between your texts and she’s still replying consistently.
Now that I’ve banged on about how often to text a girl; here are a few neat pointers about how you can keep the interaction going.
1. Give them something to do:
coffee table for ‘lady friends’ to play with when they came over. Now it’s not that women have the brain power of pre-schoolers but what they do like is an activity that is focused on them and that is fun. Creating texts that involve MMS, or are formatted in an original way to give a girl something to ‘fill in’ should prompt a response. Just make sure you then move on from the raw data to something more conversational:
You: Weekend score sheet: please complete. Number of drunken adventures . . . Friends that made you laugh . . . Hours taken out to chill out . . .
Her: Number of drunken adventures 0 Friends that made you laugh 3 Hours taken out to chill out 0
You: Well glad to hear a girl has great friends: but other scores are shameful! We’ve got to change that. Starting with the drunken adventures: mojitos or daiquiri?
And hopefully now you’re setting up an impromptu date.
2. Play a game:
Game playing, and having fun are key to building smiles, positive associations and investment from the girl you’re texting. Try re-inventing ‘old school’ games for text to have a fun little exchange. Just remember not to drag it out for too long: a couple of texts back and forth then arrange another time to meet in person or speak over the phone:
I’m bored—let’s play a game. I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with B . . .
3. Say what you see:
Current affairs, the weather, the funny incident that happened to you in the street today are all great fodder for a reason to contact. Bring up something topical: or suggest what she should be doing in the sunshine as a means to stay in touch, whilst keeping it relevant.
Also try to be even smarter and make the text focused on her by using the magic word, ‘you’. This usually adds a more teasing element to a text. Used like the example below it also suggests that you have standards for the people entering your life . . . and that you won’t settle for anything less. This is an important process (that I’ll discuss more in the next section) also known as ‘qualification’:
Yikes have you seen the news today? I won’t be impressed if you’re not a current affairs kind of girl ;)
4. Your life is AWESOME:
Knowing your own self worth is vital in having success in every aspect of your life. Before I go on a rant about the importance of knowing how great you are though: I just want to focus on how this relates to Irresistible Texts.
If you suggest—through your texts—that you’re the kind of guy that has a fun, exciting, unusual life you are selling your lifestyle to her. If you feel you have a great life, and project that, she will want in. So keep your text filled with unique details to comment on, like this one:
My three most recent googles: ‘Dirty knock, knock jokes’, ‘corrupt corporations’, ‘translate ‘PIXIE’ into Cornish’. You?
5. Make them curious . . .
If you think the girl you’re texting is into you then you can drive her insane (with desire of course) by pushing the responsibility for conversation on her. Say you’ve been doing a great job of ‘playing it cool’, and the girl you’re texting always replies with lightening speed i.e. the number is very hot. Then use a generous amount of . . . to get them to fill the blanks, and keep investing: or say something that will engage their curiosity. A text like the one below after a period of giving the girl you’re dating space is likely to make her: a. Really anxious b. Have a strong emotional reaction that makes her even more invested in the outcome of your relationship c. Text you back.
RULES OF IRRESISTIBLE
TEXTS
Workshop 2. Signs she’s ready for the date
Now that you’ve achieved your first objective (getting her to respond) it’s time to work on how to get her onto a date: because this is where the fun really begins.
OK so when and how do you go for the date?
Let’s deal with the ‘when’ first and, later on, we’ll deal with ‘how’. Just like interactions during real life the timing of when you ‘escalate’ is important. Imagine you’ve just sat down with some girls in a bar. How weird would it be for the first thing you say to be asking the girl out on the date? She hasn’t done anything yet to prove her value to you, except from being relatively attractive. And, trust me, there are a lot of relatively attractive girls out there. Asking for a date at this stage lowers your value, and is an over investment. Similarly the first text you send (unless you’ve already escalated sufficiently during the initial interaction) won’t go right in for the date.
you sit there talking pleasantly to a girl without at any stage upping your kino, going for a close or just talking more sexually, you’re going to be friend zoned.
The same goes for texts.
Whilst you probably don’t want to go for the date straight away, you’ve got to at some stage, or she will stop replying. Why? Because she doesn’t know where the interaction is going, and whilst she may welcome you as a friend into her life, people will generally invest much more in romantic rather than platonic connections.
So when is the right time to go for the date?
Look at the regularity of texts: with my girlfriends I won’t worry about leaving it a while until I get back to them (they’re not going anywhere right?) but I will respond to guys I’m interested in. So if you’re phone is exploding with texts that’s a good sign. She may be ‘playing it cool’, and taking her time to respond: but as long as when the response comes she:
- Asks about you
- Volunteers details of her life that you didn’t ask for - Teases or flirts with you
Is she hitting on you? Counter intuitively it is often the less direct
sexual references that are the most important. If she’s putting loads of
kisses and calling you affectionate names (like babe, honey or anything
else a little sickening!) you may be teetering on the friend zone. Girls will often be a little bit more coy with guys they’re really into. Too much affection early on suggests that she is very comfortable with you and may just see you as a friend. If the possibility for sex is there, she’ll reference it but in a much more subtle way. If sex is a possibility she won’t want to
over commit herself by making it explicit that it’s going to happen. Instead she’s more likely to sexually qualify herself to you. This could be:
1. By drawing attention to her physical fitness/ prowess: Any continual references to how she is a gym bunny, just getting into running or has always done yoga because she is flexible could well mean, ‘I’m physically fit and great in bed’. Simple as that.
2. By drawing attention to how she is becoming more attractive: This could be anything from telling you about a new pair of heels/ manicure she has got (she expects you to be excited and aroused at the prospect of her wearing them).
3. By telling you she isn’t ‘sexy’ things that qualify herself as
a girlfriend to you: Like that she’s a great cook/ loves dancing/ loves
football. These things are all seeking your approval and implying that she’d be a great person to have in your life.
4. Has there been a change in her texting habits?: If she has suddenly started replying a lot faster, more frequently, or has initiated a text conversation with you it implies that she wants a date. Maybe the other guys she was dating is no longer in the running. A change in her texting habits could well mean that there has been a change in her
personal logistics: she may have broken up with a boyfriend, decided to move on from another man she was interested in, or just decided life’s too short and that she wants to have some fun!
These signals that I’ve spoken about aren’t a hard and fast rule that now is a good time to go for a date: but they are a decent guideline for when is a good time to try.
IRRESISTIBLE TEXTS: DATE
TEXTS
An Introduction to Date texts
Yup the moment has arrived: a few texts have been swapped, it seems like it’s going well and you want to ask her out on a DATE.
That said, you don’t want to ever seem like it’s all about her. Your text should express something that you want to do, be relatively direct and be just unique enough to make her smile.
When?
In short, as soon as you get an invested response from a girl. For more information about this, scroll back a page and read my ‘signs she’s ready for a date’ section.
A general guideline though would be to ask for the date sooner rather than later. Text conversations that run on and on will leave her wondering what your game plan is: and kill the excitement of the interaction.
Rules of Text Thumb
• Go for it! If she gives you a ‘no’ (or a ‘maybe’ which is as good as a ‘no’) without offering any other date suggestions, at least you know where you stand and what you have to work with.
• Be direct and use strong language that suggests the date is already on.
• Try to ‘paint a picture’ of the date that gives her a clear idea of what she’s signing up to.
• Make the date relevant to something you’ve discussed, or a challenge to her, and you may up your chances of receiving a positive response.
That said don’t arrange a date around her by asking her where she wants to go, what she wants to do, when she’s free etc. Be decisive and choose options that work for you.
If the number was/ is pretty cold then she is more likely to agree to a low investment date.
No response?
Or should I say, not the response you want? If she makes an excuse as to why she can’t meet, and doesn’t offer a solution herself (like another time you can link up) then accept that she means won’t. Trying to solve the logistics will only lower your value. Instead match her investment. Seem nonchalant about her not being able to meet:
‘that’s cool, Friday was always going to be hectic for me too x’.
Then give her a few days space, before trying to re-contact her. If she’s flaked on you, or turned you down numerous times, turn to Ping Game to learn about how increasing space, can help to solve this.
If you get no response at all don’t react in an emotional or aggressive way: in fact play it cool, don’t react at all and turn to Ping Game.
1. Wednesday night. Dinner. Be early ;)
Take a risk by being direct and demanding.
2. Generic compliments, playful teases and emoticons aside— drink Wednesday?
Show that you don’t want your relationship just to exist via text.
3. a.) You annoy me b.) Make that infuriate c.) Coffee Friday?
End some banter with a date.
4. Can’t think of a good reason to go out for a celebratory drink . . . but I’m sure it’s someone’s birthday, somewhere right now so we should toast to that x
You don’t need a good excuse to ask her out for a drink.
5. Surely a bad day today for any adventurous outdoor dates—so how about I loan you a towel whilst I make us hot chocolate?
6. How about we do a bake off this weekend? You’ll win, but I’ll enjoy feeding you cupcakes
Suggest fun and unusual activities to tempt her onto a date.
7. Let’s buy souvenir t-shirts and spend a weekend sightseeing . . . tourist style
Show your creative side with an inventive date.
8. That just makes me think of ASIAN FOOD . . . Looks like we’ll have to get that this weekend to satisfy my craving
Use your conversation to jump to asking for a date.
9. Hands tired . . . fingers aching . . . all this texting is giving me RSI. Let’s carry this conversation on in person—after work good for you?
Get off the phone—and meet in person!
10. I still want to talk fashion, eat Italian and drink cocktails . . . preferably this Thursday at the MANDARIN ORIENTAL.
Give a detailed picture of what she can expect from the date.
11. Koen dé-Gwener? Asked you out in Cornish . . . Points for originality?
12. It’s Friday . . . good enough excuse to sling back one too many D&S COCKTAILS I think. Meet me at BAR around 7?
Be direct, yet specific enough to create an image of the date.
13. Welcome to the tradition of Thirsty Thursdays. I think you can handle a STRAWBERRY CHEESECAKE SHOT on a school night . . . so are you game to join us later?
Make up a day of the week that demands drinking to instigate a group meet up.
14. Let’s link up this weekend. Picnic for good weather, indoors-nic if not x
Assume she’s going to agree to the date.
15. Is it bad to admit I’m bored at my desk? How about we rename today Madness Mondays and make like it’s Friday night?
Tempt her to break the rules with a high risk spontaneous date.
16. You’re ridiculously busy. I’m ridiculously busy. Let’s multi-task and do a study date. Just promise not to distract me x
Both busy? Do an ‘errand date’.
17. Ok cool. Let’s meet in person to discuss, Wednesday or Thursday night best for you?
Play it cool & professional—but only give her options that involve meeting you.
18. We should do ICE SKATING one day, good for your POSTURE, don’t you know?
Suggest a date that could help her achieve something.
19. Texting is ok but how about we upgrade each other to face time? Coffee Wednesday?
She doesn’t ‘upgrade’ you, you ‘upgrade’ her.
20. We always seem to miss each other. I want to change that. How about we kick start with coffee next week?
Try softening a higher risk direct question with a low investment date.
21. Just watched the THIRTEEN SAMURAI and find myself in the mood for JAPANESE FOOD. A little wrong I know, but you better not say no to SUSHI
Suggest a date because something ‘just happened’ to make you think to do it.
22. Ever heard of a backwards dinner?
We kick start with ICE CREAM, and wind up doing CANAPES at midnight. Plan is best executed on Friday night—does that work ok for you?
Create mystery with a question: then follow it up with a specific date idea. Best used on later dates.
23. What are you drinking right now? I’d like to buy you another one . . .
Interrupt her night out with a risky, but sexy, reminder of you.
24. Finding a time we can both meet = nightmare. Latte Monday, deal or no deal?
Always try to match her interest levels in going for a date.
25. *attach image* do you know what this is?
Symbolic representation of our date Monday . . . see you at 7? X
Use quirky or creative communication on quirky and creative girls.
5 WAYS TO . . . CREATE MORE
DESIRE FOR DAY TWOS
Now that you’ve got her to respond to your first texts and she’s given you great signs of interest here are five ways you can go about making the date happen.
Never sound apologetic: Firstly if you want to get a good response
you want to avoid texts that appear needy, unconfident and uncertain. You want to avoid seeming uncertain of whether the date is going to happen with texts like these:
This text makes it seem like you’re working around her and that she’s running the show! At this stage it shouldn’t be about whether she’s got time to see you: it’s about you wanting to see her and having a clear goal of getting her on a date.
So don’t worry about whether she’s free or not. If she has enough desire for you she will make the logistics work: even if she can’t make the first time you offer, she will come back to you with a better suggestion and a date/ time that could work.
By using words like ‘maybe’ and asking her what she’s up to, you lose value, and fail to exhibit the sexually aggressive, masculine, leader qualities that girls find so sexy.
Be Specific: Also always avoid sending texts like:
“What are you up to this weekend?”
It is way too vague. Send a girl an unspecific date suggestion and she will usually give you an unspecific answer like ‘maybe’; or she will make up some excuse as to why she may be able to make it, but may have to cancel or let you know. This is her hedging her bets because she is uncertain what she is signing up to if she says that she doesn’t have any plans. If she says she’s free you could suggest a date she hates the idea of and then she’ll have to be rude and decline. Girls usually like to be polite so they won’t want to leave themselves exposed to a potentially awkward social situation. Instead give her a clear idea of what the date will involve.
Be Certain: So I want you to start writing texts that clearly show
what the date will involve, and seem really confident that she’s going to want to go on the date. To do this use imperative, commanding, powerful language to imply that it’s on. Don’t be afraid to state what you want.
In fact using phrases like ‘I want’ and ‘let’s’ show those sexy, masculine, leadership qualities.
Make Decisions: You also want to lead and always make decisions
where possible. Decide the date location, day and time. Again you don’t want to pussy foot around her: you have a busy schedule and whilst it’s fine to compromise a bit, you want to be the man and take the initiative to take her somewhere you like. Don’t ask her for date suggestions at this stage: it makes you seem weak, and maybe even inexperienced.
Tip: make your texts more exciting is to use exciting vocabulary when talking about your date. Skip words like ‘nice’ when describing your experience, and date suggestions. Instead go for awesome, intriguing, amazing etc. This is why the first text will get a better response than the second:
Make it easy for her to commit: A trip to Paris may sound great
on paper, but she won’t want to make such a big investment of her time or energy just yet. You also shouldn’t give her that much value. Instead go for a date that is low investment, and easy to commit to. A quick drink after work, or a coffee, is a fine starting point. This way you won’t be competing with her BFFs for her weekend time and if the date sucks you can both bail early! Remember that you can always grab dinner afterwards if the date really is going well. But it will be easier to ‘up sell’ her when she’s already on the date rather than beforehand; especially if she seems uncertain to begin with.
And if she is uncertain, if she does flake, if the number goes cold, don’t worry! We’ll be looking at Ping texts soon enough and it is better that you GO FOR IT; then live wondering ‘what if?’
RULES OF IRRESISTIBLE
TEXTS
Workshop 3. What next..?
The date has occurred . . . and suddenly you realize that now you have to arrange another one. This is met with mixed feelings in your gut: part ‘get in’, part ‘not all that again’.
I can save you some stress here with a simple list of dos and don’ts post date.
Don’t send her a gushing post date message. If she sends you a
sweet text by all means respond: but don’t come on too strong with a, ‘it was so great to meet you’ kind of message. Girls like to chase too . . .
Do drop her a line the next day. Make this on a similar line to your
first text: avoid being too friendly, concerned if she got home ok etc. Instead say something a little teasing: if she was a little tipsy, or you had fits of laughter over something, bring that back up in your message.
Don’t ask for another date straight away. Going straight for organising
another date feels too full on. Play it cooler and wait until she is texting you back (or even better initiating the conversation) before you ask for date two.
Do be direct when you ask for day two: remember you are a man:
a real ‘hunter gatherer’, it is cool for you to state what you want. So once the texts have started again, keep it brief and just state, ‘Drinks with you were fun: let’s do more laughter over cocktails next week. Tuesday good for you?’
Do try a two stage set up if you’re uncertain: if you’re really not
sure how well it went, or how she feels: use the word ‘sometime’ or ‘one day’ to suggest a date. Then if she seems into your date suggestion tie it down to a day/ time. This is a great way of feeling her out on a date without losing too much value if she doesn’t go for it. Your interaction may go a little like this:
You: So did you spend all Sunday watching re-runs of Glee? I’m unconvinced but you can drag me to a dance class some time
Her: Shut up! Glee is great and I love dancing—you know it’s fun! You: Ok then Salsa class, Holborn, Wednesday—but we’re getting a strong drink after you put me through this ;)
See it was all her idea really!
Don’t jump to negative conclusions: If you’re starting to panic
because she hasn’t got back to your message asap, she mentions how she’s going on a night out with friends, or brings up a boy’s name. Please stop yourself. You’ve known this girl for a matter of hours: don’t care too much and have faith that she is into you.
Do use teasing to stage another date: If your date was noticeably
clumsy/ tipsy/ or really giggled when you mentioned something use this ‘tease’ to angle for another date:
