Stone Hearts

Stone Hearts & Hand Grenades

Her skin burned like it was scorched by the unforgiving sun as she shuffled unconfidently to cover the distance between herself and the girl down the dark of the alley who had captured her heart.

Tiffany stood in front of her black Pagani Zonda F in a stunning, figure hugging red dress with her black tresses falling carelessly down on her shoulders in large luxurious waves. She stood tall in her classic black Louboutins and flashed a megawatt eye smile that would make anyone’s heart melt, at Taeyeon who was making her way towards her, slowly and unsurely. Tiffany knows the spell she cast like a fistful of glitter tossed in the air over anyone, with her signature smile and body to die for. She was amused with how the ever certain and confident Taeyeon seemed to be like a deer caught in the headlights whenever she was around her. Tiffany reached out her hands and caught Taeyeon’s in hers. She pulled the older girl towards her and held her by the hips, caressing the small of her back teasingly.

Taeyeon crashed into Tiffany and felt the younger girl’s familiar arms around herself as she breathed in her scent, an intoxicating mixture and strawberries, rum and vanilla. She could feel the warmth of Tiffany’s breath as Tiffany whispered naughty things into her ears, enticing her. It flamed a fire in the pit of her stomach. She wanted Tiffany as much as Tiffany needed her now. Taeyeon placed her left palm against Tiffany’s stomach and absent-mindedly stroked Tiffany’s thigh with her other hand with the slightest of touch and a fluttering of her fingers.

Tiffany could tell s/mething was amiss with Taeyeon who seemed distracted and distant. The latter hasn’t looked her in the eye the whole time, but instead had her eyelids drooped down sadly, staring down at where her palm was on Tiffany’s stomach. Tiffany placed a finger under her chin and lifted the older girl’s face towards her own to face her.

“What’s wrong Tae?” she whispered, concern lining her voice.

Taeyeon looked up into Tiffany’s eyes and felt her knees go weak as always. Those damned dark orbs that had her shackled to the biddings of Tiffany. She could never say no to anything Tiffany wanted when she looked into those deep, unreadable eyes. It reminded her of why she fell in love with this girl - a polar opposite of her. She was calm and reserved, while Tiffany was loud, bordering on obnoxious, but she felt herself falling in love nonetheless, against logic. She knew Tiffany never wanted to be held down by a relationship. So all they had between them was reduced to late nights like tonight which never failed to end up with themselves tangled with each other and bedsheets. But Taeyeon wanted more. She wanted to hold Tiffany in her arms for the rest of her life, to have something more than just sex. She gazed back into Tiffany’s eye earnestly, trying to communicate her frustration, confusion and most of all, love for the younger girl without words.

“I …” Taeyeon croaked. Out of a sudden, she felt like she was flung into a desert, with its unforgiving sandstorms blowing at her, stealing the courage she mustered while walking towards Tiffany with its swirling winds of sand. Her throat and lips felt parched and dry. Get a grip she chided herself.

“I want to talk about us …” Taeyeon stuttered with all the sincerity she had.

“I know that you don’t want to commit and it is selfish of%r0me to ask this of you. But I really want to give the possibility of an US a shot. I want to wake up every morning to see your angelic face, to say I love you and hear you reply the same. I don’t want us to pretend like we do not know each other in front of others, like we have something shameful to hide. I don’t want us to be in for this just for the sex. I 7ant you. Let me love you.” Taeyeon said seriously, holding Tiffany’s gaze,

waiting in trepidation for a reply.

Taeyeon instantly felt Tiffany pull herself back from her. Once Tiffany’s arms left her, she immediately felt cold, abandoned as the emptiness in her heart threatened to consume her. She wondered if she said the right thing, if she had angered

Tiffany, if this was the last time she was going to see her lover’s face. She felt naked, exposed and bare, holding her heart in her hands and putting it into Tiffany’s. Any traces of sexual tension dissipated in a split second as Tiffany’s eyes hardened with a tinge of coldness.

“We have talked about this before. My answer remains the same.” Tiffany spat the words out harshly.

“But …” Taeyeon struggled to form a sentence and attempted to take a step towards Tiffany, only to be stopped by her shoulders with Tiffany’s soft hands. Tears welled up in Taeyeon’s eyes and clouded her vision of Tiffany in front of her. She wiped them away with the back of her hand, willing herself to be strong. She looked into Tiffany’s eyes with a trembling jaw and for the longest time, they seemingly stared into each other’s hearts, but all Taeyeon met with, was an

impenetrable brick wall around Tiffany’s heart.

Tiffany’s voice softened and said “I’m sorry Tae, but I can’t give you the love you want. You deserve better.” With that, she placed her lips onto the older girl’s, cupping her face, kissing her tenderly, as if in an attempt to licked the open wounds she created in Taeyeon’s heart, shut.

Taeyeon’s hands remained lifelessly by her side as she closed her tired eyes and tasted Tiffany’s lips. Their kiss was slow in contrast with their usual heated and passionate ones. Just as Taeyeon felt herself about to melt into Tiffany, the latter drew back abruptly and walked away with her heels clicking a resounding rhythm against the concrete pavement. Taeyeon kept her eyes shut and counted the

seconds, as if willing Tiffany to come back. When she opened her eyes, Tiffany was already in the car with her window winded down.

“I’ll call you.” Was all Tiffany said before she sped off into the night, away from the broken hearted girl. Taeyeon realised she was being played the fool. But she was a happy and willing fool. She thought to herself, sometimes, our heart point us in the wrong direction, with no road map back and all we could do is to walk forward and get lost. Tiffany was like a mirage in the middle of the desert and Taeyeon was thirsty for her, stumbling forward, only to realise that the water was just a figure of her imagination, just like the love she thought they could have shared. Releasing all the pent-up emotions inside of her, Taeyeon crumpled and collapsed in a heap on the ground and sobbed silently, allowing the cold night wind to sweep away the shards of her broken heart.

Part 2

The dull heavy beats in the club pulsated within her as she moved gracefully to the music; swaying her hips suggestively with her eyes half closed and lips parted sensually, vaguely noticing the male crowd she was drawing in at the dance floor.

Taeyeon sat at the bar, watching that lone figure dancing with abandon. That girl was all she sees, as if there was a spotlight cast upon her. Part of her wanted to tear all the lewd men away from the girl, while part of her wanted to keep watching that girl dancing to the music like a snake following the music pipe of an Indian snake charmer.

“Vodka. On the rocks. Hurry!” Taeyeon slurred as she slammed down her fifth empty glass on the bar counter. The blonde bartender shot her an icy glare that pierced right through Taeyeon , making her squirm and look away immediately.

“B*tch.” Taeyeon muttered under her breath.

“There!” the bartender said nonchalantly as she placed the glass of vodka in front of Taeyeon. The latter averted the blonde’s gaze, picking up the glass and chugged down the liquid, ignoring the burn coursing down her throat. She slide off the stool and made her way towards her target, bumping into strangers with every step, earning her a few shoves and angry stares, but she couldn’t care less. Once she got towards the girl, she bulldozed her way through the fanatic male crowd and

collided into that dancing girl.

“Hush. Dance with me.” Tiffany purred into the older girl’s ears before she could complete her drunken statement. Taeyeon wanted to resist. She wanted to say no. But the words got caught in her throat when Tiffany turned away and gyrated against her, with her left hand behind Taeyeon’s neck and her other hand up in the air. Taeyeon snaked her arms around Tiffany, holding her close, touching her to mark her territory, subtlety telling others to back away from them. She littered kisses down Tiffany’s creamy shoulders, fitting her chin snugly at Tiffany’s neck, wishing time would stop for them. How could something so wrong, feel so right? Taeyeon thought to herself. But at that moment, she didn’t want to care, she didn’t want to think. All she wanted was to hold Tiffany and never let go.

Tiffany could smell the alcohol in Taeyeon’s breath. Guilt creeped up and caged her heart. She knew Taeyeon wasn’t the sort to lose control, to get drunk, but she had single-handedly wrapped Taeyeon around her fingers, crushing the innocent girl’s heart when the former had so readily placed it in her hands. She had thrown it on the ground and trampled on it, the night she sped away from the broken hearted girl, trying to escape the responsibility, trying to escape the voices in her head. She turned around to face Taeyeon, momentarily startled to face glazed but nevertheless, focused, albeit slightly desperate and hopeful eyes. Tiffany ignored the gaze, turned her game face on and smiled seductively, flashing her eye smile which never seem to fail to light up Taeyeon’s world. She hooked her forefinger onto Taeyeon’s jeans pocket and led the older girl off the dance floor, out of the club and into the serene and chilly sidewalk. There, she pushed the drunk girl against the brick wall and kissed her ferociously, hands slipping under her shirt. Taeyeon gasped at the coldness of Tiffany’s hands and the skin contact but returned the kiss equalling Tiffany’s intensity. She placed one hand on her

favourite area – Tiffany’s butt and squeezed it hard while her other hand roamed around Tiffany’s inner thighs, dangerously close to the sweet spot eliciting a satisfying moan from her, causing the younger girl to gasp and pressed her hips closer into Taeyeon.

“Fany … “ Taeyeon hissed, trying her best to control the urge within her that was blinding her rationality, fully aware that they are out in the open and her modesty nagged at her to get a room. Tiffany looked at her, full of lust, comprehending Taeyeon’s request, hesitating, not wanting to stop what they were at, but relented eventually after a few more stolen kisses. The two ladies stumbled into Tiffany’s ride, Taeyeon into the passenger’s seat and Tiffany climbed above her. She hastily unbuttoned Taeyeon’s shirt, kissing her way down from Taeyeon’s jaw to her chest.

“Not … not in the car, Tiff” Taeyeon stuttered trying her hardest to resist Tiffany’s come ons, hands in Tiffany’s hair.

“Argh!” Tiffany grunted in frustration, climbing into the driver’s seat and sped towards Taeyeon’s house, wanting to get into Taeyeon’s pants as soon as she could. Once they were at Taeyeon’s place, Taeyeon fumbled with the keys in frustration, with Tiffany on her back touching and arousing her, whispering her name in her ears. They crashed through the door once it was opened and Taeyeon pushed Tiffany against the door immediately, shutting it. A low growl emitted from her throat as she attacked Tiffany, making the latter smile in anticipation of what was to come. Tiffany thought to herself, a drunken Taeyeon wasn’t so bad after all! When Taeyeon drove a knee towards her sweet spot, Tiffany could only gasp as all thoughts were driven out of her head. Tiffany started riding Taeyeon’s

thigh slowly, moaning as Taeyeon expertly kissed and sucked at her neck making Tiffany throw her head back in satisfaction, and tangling one hand in Taeyeon’s hair while the other slipped inside Taeyeon’s jeans behind. Tiffany wrapped her legs around Taeyeon’s waist as the petite yet surprisingly strong girl carried her into the bedroom in the dark. Taeyeon gently laid Tiffany on the bed and her shirt off. It was getting in the way of her hot and bothered self. Tiffany unzipped her black sequinned dress and arched her back suggestively, capturing Taeyeon’s hungry eyes before the latter pounced on her as Tiffany giggled, thinking things couldn’t get any better than tonight.

[Censored scene]

Taeyeon squinted at the bright lights shone at her face. She groaned at the constant thud inside her head. She shielded her eyes from the warm sunlight streaming in from the window with the back of her hand as she struggled to remember what happened the night before. Blonde. Vodka. Dancing. Sidewalk. TIFFANY. Her eyes shot open as she sat up with the sheets around her naked self looking around for traces of Tiffany, but she was no where to be seen. Once again, she was alone. She felt used, stupid for falling for Tiffany’s irresistible charms again. She lifted the sheets to her nose and inhaled Tiffany’s familiar strawberry, rum and vanilla scent, the only trace of evidence that she was around. This was Tiffany. She was like a ghost’s whisper in the dark depths of the night, quiet and stealthy, leaving traces of herself only in the winds, coming and going unrestrained and free, never staying for long at any one point. But like the warm summer breeze, she makes one smile when she is around. Taeyeon chuckled bitterly to herself as tears rolled down her face silently once again. Taeyeon crawled off her bed and into the bathroom, splashing water on her face trying to wash away her sins. She stared at herself in

the mirror, trying to figure out what about herself that Tiffany didn’t like. She tried to smile. But the smile was fake and hollow. She couldn’t bring herself to hate Tiffany, so she hated herself with a vengeance. She smashed her fist into her reflection, shattering the glass, sending the pieces raining down into the sink and floor. That’s better, she thought as blood dripped from her knuckles forming a small growing pool of blood stained glass shards on the floor tiles like the pieces of her heart.

Part 3

*beep*

Tiffany heard her phone vibrate by her nightstand. She stubbed the cigarette she was holding between her fingers adorned with red lacquered nails and reluctantly withdrew herself from the railings of her luxurious penthouse’s balcony and the beautiful skyline of the city. It was the wee hours of the morning, the favourite time of the day for Tiffany. The tranquility and serenity allows her to think without being shackled by duties or responsibility. She sauntered back into the bedroom in her white, silk, almost translucent nightgown and padded towards her bed,

plodding herself down comfortably, crossing her legs, left elbow resting on her thigh while her left palm supported her porcelain face. She lazily picked up the phone to check her text message.

From: Tae Tae

Unknowingly, she smiled to herself. She likes being wanted, she likes being in control, but she loves how assertive Taeyeon was. The random guys that she used to pick up at the clubs or bars she frequented, pales in comparison to Taeyeon. They would shower her with roses and gifts in exchange for a one night stand, using lousy pick up lines to get under her skirt. The better looking ones got what they wanted, the rest of the hungry male wolf pack got snubbed and had to walk away whimpering with their heads hung low. But Taeyeon was different. She had a charisma that drew Tiffany in, made Tiffany curious, made Tiffany want to tear apart and see through her strong façade, made Tiffany want more. She hates to admit it because Tiffany does not lust for others. Others lust for her. That’s the way it has been, and she was determined to keep it this way.

She laid back, propped up by a pillow, stretching out her flawless legs, crossing them and lit another cigarette, listening to the low hum of the radio by her bedside.

Lord have mercy on my soul For I have walked a sinful road Now I'm down on my knees Lord have mercy on me, please

Jesus, I must confess That in all my loneliness I've forsaken and I've sinned

Leaving fragments of a man so broken

I could tell you what I've done

Well the more that I start to play My deceitful, evil ways

Keep on growing stronger by the day

Oh lord have mercy on my soul For I have walked a sinful road So I'm gonna get down on my knees Beg forgiveness to help set me free Lord have mercy on me, please

Mother Mary full of grace In my weakness, I've lost faith

I've been careless, and I have been warned And the devil inside me is torn

God bless the men that I have scorned

Oh lord have mercy on my soul For I have walked the sinful road So I'm gonna get down on my knees Beg forgiveness to help set me free Lord have mercy on me, please

So don't let me fool around no more

Send your angels down to guide me through that door Well I've gone and confessed my regrets

I'm so lost, and I need you to help me repent

Oh lord have mercy on my soul

Oh I'm begging, I'm pleading, I'm needing I want you to know

So I'm down upon my knees Oh lord, I need forgiveness I need forgiveness from you

“Lord, have mercy on me.” She whispered into space. She chuckled at her silliness and whispered bitterly again.

“There is no salvation for sinners like me.”

Tiffany stared at the fluttering white curtains around her window, puffing out smoke from her mouth and wondered to herself if saying a prayer was merely sending words into outer space.

--“Mic check, Mic check 1, 2, 3” Taeyeon said into the microphone.

“Alright! I’m all set!” she said heartily to a girl of her height through the microphone, with an apron wrapped around her dainty waist.

“Come over here Taeng! Have a drink! You have an hour before your gig!” the short girl shouted cheerily back. Taeyeon hopped off the stage and walked towards

her old friend. Grabbing the glass of lemonade she toasted her friend with the glass in silent thanks before sipping the refreshing juice, mindful to hold the glass in her good hand. She watched her friend get busy, arranging the chairs in the small modest bistro – the Bronx, wiping the table tops and checking the lightings and sound system of the music lounge at a small dingy corner of the bistro. A small sincere smile creeped onto her face as she thanked God for her friend and the sense of normalcy her friend brought to her life. She knew her friend could be depended on, always being there for her, through her ups and her downs. She never left her, even when she spat harsh words she didn’t mean in a fit of anger at her friend’s face. She was the constant in her life that kept her sane. She was hanging on a thin thread precociously, barely holding on lately. Ever since she met Tiffany, she begin falling down that slippery slope towards a dark abyss of unknown. But her friend held onto her with a vise-like grip, not willing to let her fall off the edge of the cliff towards more pain and despair and for this, Taeyeon was thankful. She knew she was not worth saving.

She had sent herself to Hell’s gates willingly.

--As customers started to stream into the bistro/Bronx, Taeyeon made her way on stage, receiving polite claps from the audience.

“Thank you, everyone for coming tonight to the Bronx! I hope you enjoy the songs and have a lovely evening!” Taeyeon said with a smile into the microphone. She winked at her friend standing at the back, clapping for her enthusiastically giving her two thumbs up, before strumming on her guitar, winching slightly as pain shot

through her injured hand. She gritted her teeth and continued.

After two songs, Taeyeon wondered if Tiffany was ever going to show up, constantly glancing at the Bronx’s entrance, hoping to see her lover’s face. She sighed to herself for being a hopeful fool, but was determined not to let her audience down. She stood up and placed the guitar aside.

“This song goes out to everyone who are hopelessly in love … like I am” She whispered into the microphone with a small, strained, undecipherable smile.

What ravages of spirit, conjured this temptuous rage created you a monster broken by the rules of love and fate has lead you through it

you do what you have to do and fate has led you through it you do what you have to do ...

--Tiffany got out of her Pagani in her killer heels, tight jeans and sexy leather jacket. She swished her hair towards the back, grinning at the gawking men opposite the road. She looked impeccable as always. Her grin faded into a faint smile when she heard Taeyeon’s smooth, soothing and melodious voice that never fails to warm her up inside, soft and muffled by the walls of the Bronx. She strutted toward the Bronx entrance and stepped into its cool interior, her attention fully captured by

Taeyeon on stage.

Taeyeon noticed Tiffany’s entrance like everyone else and her heart fluttered in the knowledge that Tiffany had not forgotten about her text message … had not

forgotten about her. She looked deeply into Tiffany’s eyes, holding her gaze across the room and continued singing, meaning every word she sang from the bottom of her broken heart.

and I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go every moment marked with apparitions of your soul

I'm ever swiftly moving trying to escape this desire the yearning to be near you

I do what I have to do the yearning to be near you I do what I have to do

but I have the sense to recognize

that I don't know how to let you go I don't know how to let you go

a glowing ember, burning hot, burning slow

deep within, I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you

I know I can't be with you I do what I have to do

I know I can't be with you I do what I have to do

and I have sense to recognize but I don't know how to let you go I don't know how to let you go I don't know how to let you go

Tiffany’s heart took another guilt trip hearing Taeyeon’s sorrowful voice but she forced herself back to reality, flashing a demure smile at Taeyeon when the song finished and clapped along with the standing ovation Taeyeon got from the

audience from her heart-felt rendition of the song. Taeyeon gave a bashful bow to the audience, thanking them before making her way towards Tiffany.

“You’re late.” Taeyeon said in a montone, trying to keep a straight face, knowing herself that she was jumping with joy inside that Tiffany actually came. Tiffany avoided the statement like she had all the right in the world to be late and gave a light-headed giggle, hugging Taeyeon tightly. She kissed Taeyeon on the lips passingly, drawing curious glances from the bistro’s customers.

“That song was superb! You really should give up your job as a DJ and start a professional singing career!” Tiffany gushed, releasing Taeyeon from her embrace and ignoring the prying eyes around them.

“Well then, I’m glad you liked it. It was for you.” Taeyeon replied with a tinge of sadness and resignation in her voice. She gave a feeble smile, finding it hard to be a spoilsport in the presence of an upbeat and cheery Tiffany. Tiffany’s mind froze for a split second, not expecting Taeyeon to be so direct, but swept it aside

carelessly.

“Awwww, how sweet of you.” Tiffany said, buttering up her words and slipped her hand into Taeyeon’s.

“Let’s get some food! I’m starving!” Tiffany exclaimed as she dragged Taeyeon away from the lounge and into the bistro. She waved her hand in the air after they sat themselves opposite each other in a secluded booth by the side of the glass windows. Taeyeon gazed out the window forlornly, lost in the myriad of her thoughts.

“Sunny! Oh, I missed you! How have you been lately?” Tiffany said sweetly to Taeyeon’s old friend who came personally to take their orders.

“I’m fine, thank you! The usual for the both of you?” Sunny replied, as she held her pen tightly, plastering a fake smile on her face, trying her hardest not to reach across and strangle the living daylights out of Tiffany and her airy-ness or stab the pen into her dewy eyes. Tiffany nodded like a 5 year old school girl and Sunny hurried away to prevent any causalities, not forgetting to give Taeyeon a little nod of encouragement, thinking to herself that Tiffany must be bipolar. One minute, cool and sexy. Another minute, bimbotic and silly. She wondered how on earth could a decent girl like Taeyeon fall for a girl like Tiffany, falling with no one to catch her and sighed on her foolish friend’s behalf.

bad attitude at the shopping mall and her threats to sue the mall bankrupt, Taeyeon strolled along the Han River, with Tiffany skipping along, twirling around her as if in an attempt to lift Taeyeon’s mood with her child-like acts. Tiffany was beautiful and graceful, her hands cutting through the air, allowing the wind to carry the smell of strawberries, rum and vanilla into the night sky. Taeyeon smiled at Tiffany and enjoyed the breeze in her hair. It was an alluring starless night. The weather has been more than generous to them and she was glad she could enjoy the tranquillity with Tiffany’s company. The latter was so near yet so far. Her laughs were carefree, but guarded. Her touches meant something and nothing at all at the same time. Taeyeon’s heart was tangled in frustration and confusion. She couldn’t read this girl at all, but she nevertheless wanted the girl for herself so badly. She hated herself for not being able to hate Tiffany. But she hated herself even more for even thinking of hating Tiffany. Sunny wouldn’t approve of her self-reproach she thought to herself, a bitter smirk creeped onto her face.

Stopping slowly in her tracks, Taeyeon pulled Tiffany in and hugged her from behind while gazing at the Han River watching the water flow peacefully. Tiffany didn’t protest, instead she merely winded down from her hyper cheery state and melted into Taeyeon. She kept silent; reading Taeyeon’s mind and understood the older girl’s need to hold her and wondered how two people could fit into each other so well. She placed her arms over Taeyeon’s, stroking the bandaged hand and knew immediately that she must have been the cause of it as well. Despite knowing the answer, she asked meekly.

“What happened to your hand?”

further questions. Tiffany knew not to ask further, in respect for Taeyeon’s decision to not talk about it. But she knew Taeyeon was lying.

After what seems like a lifetime, Tiffany asked sincerely again.

“If we could turn back time, would you wish you have never met me?” Taeyeon could hear a hint of desperation in Tiffany’s voice, not knowing how to interpret it.

“We can’t turn back time.” She replied, not wanting to give a proper answer.

“I guess” Tiffany said in resignation.

“Would you?” Taeyeon asked in return, trying to gauge her own importance in Tiffany’s complex heart.

“Like you have said, we can’t.” Tiffany replied in mock indifference. She didn’t want Taeyeon to know the answer. She regretted allowing herself to be drawn to Taeyeon and in the midst, breaking Taeyeon’s heart. It was never my intention she thought to herself, in a futile attempt to mitigate her own guilt.

But, most importantly, she didn’t want anyone, even Taeyeon to know that she was capable of feeling this way. Taeyeon placed a chaste kiss on her temple before nuzzling at her neck, pulling her closer, as if she could see the turbulent thoughts in Tiffany’s head and was comforting her. Tiffany merely smiled and gazed at the exquisite scenery.

held onto each other for their dear confused hearts in their own silent interpretation of the significance of tonight. And for the first time, they vaguely resembled a couple, albeit a broken one, seeking peace in each other’s arms for the moment, not thinking of the churning currents beneath the peaceful waves and what tomorrow may bring.

--Part 4

“Alright listeners! Here is the last dedication before Chin Chin comes to a close tonight! Thank you to the Chin Chin family and the listeners for tuning in. This last one is from listener #8143!”

“Hello Taeng DJ. I would like to dedicate Nickelback’s Savin’ Me, to the girl I can’t bring myself to love completely. It wasn’t because she wasn’t good enough. In fact, she was WAY too good for me. I feel like I’ve tainted her with my presence, with my sins. But neither can I bring myself to stay away from her. We had magic when we are together and it’s tragic that we can’t belong to each other. When she touched my hands, I felt like I could touch the sky, like no stars was out of reach. I know I am blessed because I was loved by her. I count myself lucky to have met her, but luck is a faithless friend. I know one day she is gonna stop trying and she will slip away from my grasp, but I guess I’m going to remain the indecisive fool I am now, till my luck run outs.” Taeyeon felt breathless from the rawness and tangible pain in this anonymous confession. Her face drained of colour after reading out this dedication. She felt really cold suddenly and shivered. She drew

her knees up to her chest and pulled her cardigan closer around herself as the music starts to play.

Prison gates won't open up for me On these hands and knees I'm crawlin' Oh, I reach for you

Well I'm terrified of these four walls These iron bars can't hold my soul in All I need is you

Come please I'm callin' And oh I scream for you Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

Her mind was numb and blank. Thoughts were scattered in her head, adrift and incomprehensible. She wanted to make sense of the conflicted emotions she was experiencing, but it was like a tangled ball of string. The more you tried to

untangle it, the more complex the knot seem. She closed her eyes, exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally. No more thinking for tonight she thought herself, in a desperate attempt to convince herself that everything was be alright the next morning.

Show me what it's like To be the last one standing And teach me wrong from right And I'll show you what I can be Say it for me

Say it to me

And I'll leave this life behind me Say it if it's worth saving me

Across the city, Tiffany sped down the highway, listening to Taeyeon’s voice reading out the last dedication and a tear stained with mascara rolled down her cheek. I am not worth saving she thought to herself. She pursed her lips,

determined not to cry, changed gears and pushed the accelerator pedal down with all her might without a final destination in mind.

Heaven's gates won't open up for me With these broken wings I'm fallin' And all I see is you

These city walls ain't got no love for me I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story And oh I scream for you

Come please I'm callin' And all I need from you Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

--An errant car swerved in her direction at the cross junction. Tiffany was going too fast and there was no way she could brake in time. Her mind was consumed with panic as she jam braked and turned her steering wheel into a full lock with her eyes closed hoping by some miracle that she will not crash. The only thought that could fill Tiffany’s mind at that point was - Who is gonna catch me when I fall?

Strangely, Tiffany felt at ease with herself for the first time in as long as she could remember, like the thought of death vindicated her of her sins, taking the baggage off her shoulders. Her car skidded off the roads, crashed into an oil tanker parked by the forlorn road and burst into a fiery ball of flames. Fire licked the night air, dancing wildly with the swaying trees. Tiffany could hear the distant sirens of ambulances before her body mechanism took over her consciousness and her eyes closed slowly as she mouthed ‘Tae…’ giving in to the enticing velvet fingers of sleep.

--“NO!” Taeyeon awoke from sleep screaming from a nightmare. She had dreamt about Tiffany falling off a building and she was too late to catch her. Taeyeon’s baggy t-shirt was plastered to her back, drenched from her perspiration. She felt a bad case of déjà vu, but dismissed it, attributing it to the lack of sleep. She wiped her perspiration off her forehead with the sleeve of her pajamas, walking out to get herself a cup of milk to calm her nerves. She plodded herself down on her sofa and switched on the tv, mug in hand. The first thing that appeared on screen was a local news flash.

“Three hours ago, along Gyeongbu Expressway, a drunken driver had smashed into a black sports car and both vehicles had skidded and crashed into a stationary oil tanker by the side of a neighbouring road. There were 2 casualties and 1 in critical condition that was sent to Seoul General Hospital (SGH) and …” the female news broadcaster droned in a montone.

mind was Tiffany. She hasn’t heard from Tiffany since the night before at the Han River. The DJ dedication. The dream. The black sports car. It can’t be! She yelled in her head. The sense of déjà vu that she swept aside a few minutes ago came gushing back to her like a dam unleashed. She grabbed her car keys immediately and sped towards SGH in her modest blue Mazda 3. She expertly weaved in and out of traffic, silently cursing the drivers. Why the hell are all these people out on the roads in the middle of the night! ****! Please don’t let it be Tiffany, God, please don’t let it be her. Take me instead! Her head was bombarded with incoherent thoughts from all directions, but one thing stood out in her thoughts. TIFFANY. Her eyes welled up slowly. She couldn’t imagine not having Tiffany in her life. Without her husky whispers in her ears, without the sparkle in her eyes when she smiled, without her fleeting touches, without the tantalising strawberry, rum & vanilla scent, without her she was nothing at all. Most of all, she couldn’t let Tiffany go without telling her the three words that she would readily swear her life upon.

Part 5

“Hey! You can’t park your car here!” a nurse shouted furiously. Taeyeon ignored the nurse and leaped out of the car, sprinting through the entrance of the A&E department, her car parked skewed between two ambulances.

“Watch where you’re going, young lady!” a wheelchair bound old man reprimanded when Taeyeon bumped into him at the aisle.

smacked right into the reception counter.

“Tiffany. Where is Tiffany Hwang?!” Taeyeon asked the nurse at the reception deliriously.

“Where?” she violently slammed her hands on the reception counter.

“Madam, please calm down and lower your volume. This is a hospital and we will not tolerate any bad behaviour. What is your relation to the patient?” The nurse at the counter replied coldly with an air of authority, unfazed, like she meets crazy anxious people everyday. Oh no! Tiffany really IS admitted to the hospital! Taeyeon’s mind thought in frenzy.

“I’m … I’m her girlfr …” Taeyeon stuttered. No. That’s not right. She thought to herself as her heart ached a little and her words got caught in her throat when she thought of her own ambiguous relationship with Tiffany.

“I’m a good friend of hers. I saw the news about the car crash on Gyeongbu

Expressway. Please. Please tell me where she is! Is she alright?” Taeyeon asked in a shaky voice.

“The patient Tiffany Hwang is in the Intensive Care Unit, Level 9, Ward 6, Room 81.” The nurse replied robotically, not bothering to look up at Taeyeon. Without a word of thanks, Taeyeon dashed off. Her mind was blank as she ran towards her destination. All she could do was pray. Tiffany, please be alright. Please. She almost ran into the doctor exiting Tiffany’s room, drawing her a disdained look from the clean cut man with greyish hair neatly combed back.

“Doctor, Sir! How is Tiffany?” Taeyeon asked hurriedly. She didn’t care about how people saw her. Tiffany’s wellbeing was her only concern.

“Calm down miss. Ms Hwang is very lucky. She was flung out of the car onto a grass patch. She suffered first degree burns, a fractured arm and a twisted ankle. She was also knocked unconscious from the shock of the impact. But, all in all, she is very lucky to be alive. We have injected her with a small volume of morphine to help her cope with the pain. She should be asleep now. She can be discharged in a day’s time, but she’ll definitely feel a little sore for at least a week or two. If she shows any sign of post traumatic stress, she is strongly advised to seek professional help, otherwise, she can be up and about once her arm and ankle heals.” The doctor said ambivalently with a smile on his face.

“Oh, Thank God! Thank you, doctor!” Taeyeon said with a relieved smile on her face. She creeped into the room quietly, not wanting to interrupt Tiffany’s induced slumber. She looks so beautiful when she sleeps. Why haven’t I got to see her like that before, Taeyeon thought to herself despite knowing the answer deep down inside. Tiffany had a glow to her that warmed up the dark and cold hospital room. She looked like an angel descended on earth with her beautiful luscious black hair and in that soft white hospital gown. There was a peace and serenity in Tiffany’s face that Taeyeon had never witnessed before. It was different from her usual cold, indifferent and confident self. Taeyeon felt herself fall in love with Tiffany all over again. She sat herself down at Tiffany’s bedside, entwining her fingers with

Tiffany’s and brought their hands to her tear-stained cheek. Taeyeon didn’t know how to put her worries to words. She has never been good at talking, so she broke out in song, singing softly, her voice mixed with sorrow and relief, expressing

herself the only way she knew how.

What am I fighting, afraid of losing? It's like I'm not in control.

I'm watching myself; I'll die thinking you won't be around.

You know you got my heart on lock, and even if I were to run, I can't go

Go oh; I don't want to go oh

Gotta let it go oh, I don't wanna go, I can't breathe

Without you I get weak, and I can't breathe, and I can't breathe

And I can't breathe without you with me and I can't live, and I can't live without you, I can't

Breathe and I can't breathe, and I can't breathe without you with me and I can't live here and I can't live without you.

Maybe I make believe, you're no different, but you got me in love, Don't wanna be alone again, I cannot function, without you here,

my indecisions and all my fears get higher higher day by day, higher higher but I can't go

It's just not fair that, I'm lost in your love that I just can't breathe, just can't breathe.

I'm coming up, coming up for a breath

Tiffany’s face. Taeyeon hadn’t notice the lone teardrop rolling down Tiffany’s temple.

--Part 6

Tiffany woke up, her body aching, her limbs were stiff. She opened her eyes and adjusted her eyes to the surroundings. I’m in a hospital? Does that mean I’m not dead yet? This has got to be a joke right? Ha! I knew God wouldn’t let me off the hook so easily and let me end my problems the easy way by dying. She thought to herself sourly, her heart boiling with resentment. She tried to move about, to test if her limbs were functional but felt a slight pressure clutching to her left hand and turned to her left to see Taeyeon stirring up from her sleep.

“Hey.” Tiffany croaked, her throat felt like it was brushed by sandpaper with each breath. She licked her lips in a futile attempt to moisten them. Her heart soared to see Taeyeon by her side and all negativity in her mind got wiped out like a duster on the chalkboard. She was elated that Taeyeon was the first person she saw when she woke up. She must have stayed the night for me. Tiffany thought happily to herself. She had thought she would never have seen Taeyeon’s mature yet baby-like face or felt her reliable and reassuring presence ever again.

“I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck, which is partially true. But I’m still alive as you can see. Never been better.” Tiffany answered jokingly. Taeyeon got her a glass of water from her bedside and Tiffany gulped the water down, thankful for Taeyeon’s kind gesture.

“What happened last night?” Taeyeon asked gravely, taking the now empty glass from Tiffany.

“Haven’t you watched the news? Car accident.” Tiffany replied curtly like her usual cold self. Taeyeon sighed to herself. A leopard never changes its spot.

“I’ve told you to stop speeding and pay more attention to the roads, Fany-ah. You can’t even hear car honks with the volume of your stereo! It doesn’t help when you sing along so loudly. You really shouldn’t make me worry this way. My heart almost fell out of my mouth when I knew you were in a car accident. Count yourself lucky to be alive!” Taeyeon reprimanded Tiffany sternly.

“No one asked you to worry. It’s my life. I do what I want with it.” Tiffany replied crudely. Taeyeon looked at Tiffany, trying to find see how much Tiffany actually meant her words. But once again, Tiffany’s expression was unreadable. After a long awkward silence, Taeyeon spoke up again.

“But what am I to do without you?” Taeyeon said, her voice barely a whisper, speaking from the depth of her heart. Her finger drew continuous circles around the glass rim before boldly looking into Tiffany’s eyes. Tiffany’s heart lurched at Taeyeon’s simple yet impactful question. She didn’t know what to say. Taeyeon was visibly hurt by her sharp retorts. Tiffany looked away swiftly, ignoring the question her heart had no answer to.

--“Make yourself comfortable.” Tiffany said nonchalantly with a wave of her good right arm. Her left arm was in a cast and she had to balance on her crutches due to her twisted ankle. Taeyeon stared in amazement at the lavishness of the penthouse interior. If Tiffany hadn’t taken Taeyeon car, Taeyeon would never have seen the light of this house. Taeyeon was secretly rejoicing that Tiffany’s car is a piece of scrap metal now, giving her more excuse to visit. Scratch that. It was more

appropriate to say that she would have more excuses to see Tiffany by offering to chauffeur her around till she got herself a new car. As Taeyeon wandered freely around the house, Tiffany struggled with opening a bottle of red wine. She needed something to numb the thoughts of the car accident. Holding the bottle between her cast and her body, she pulled the bottle cork using her right hand with all her

strength. But to her dismay, the bottle slipped from her grasp and broke into innumerable pieces when the bottle hit the floor. Red wine flowed like blood rain, splattering the walls, seeping between the floor tiles and soaked Tiffany from head

to toe, save for her hair and back.

“ahhhh!” Tiffany let out a blood curdling scream. Upon hearing Tiffany and

breaking glass, a startled Taeyeon turned around and ran towards her, careful not to step on the glass shards.

“Oh my, what happened?” Taeyeon asked concernedly, trying her best not to laugh out loud at a Tiffany, drenched in red wine, a rare and comical sight indeed.

“Are you blind?!” Tiffany asked curtly, pouting at Taeyeon who was convulsing in a desperate attempt to control and keep her laughter in.

“Don’t you dare laugh at me! Or else…” Tiffany stopped in mid-sentence, as Taeyeon swept her off her feet, silencing her with a kiss.

“Or else what?” Taeyeon asked suggestively, looking down at Tiffany’s surprised face as she smirked at her. For once, Tiffany was outsmarted, but she wasn’t the type to back down without a fight.

“Be careful of the broken glass! You might get cut by it and bleed to your death! – hmph- ” Tiffany replied spitefully with a pout on her face, refusing to look at the

older girl’s face. If it was anyone else saying it to Taeyeon, she would have beaten the living daylights out of that person for being so rude. But Taeyeon knew Tiffany strange ways of showing her affection and only chuckled warmly before carefully overstepping the broken glass shards and placing Tiffany on the dining table top.

“Wait here hon, I’ll clean up the place before I clean you up too.” Taeyeon said and winked teasingly. She turned around to walk towards the mess, only to be stopped by a tug on my dress shirt. She turn back to look at Tiffany with an arched eyebrow and a questioning face.

“You can’t leave me here hanging. Not after you have teased me like that, Tae. It isn’t fair.” Tiffany whined. Taeyeon’s heart did a little victory dance. Taeyeon 1, Tiffany 0! Taeyeon checked off her mental scoreboard. She deliberately took a step too slowly for Tiffany’s liking, placing one hand on Tiffany’s open thigh,

caressing it in mock distraction.

“But the mess … we can’t leave it lying there, can we?” Taeyeon said jokingly, feigning ignorance, refusing to give in to Tiffany.

“Oh, we can deal with that later.” Tiffany replied huskily, pulling Taeyeon in for a long passionate kiss, struggling to unbutton Taeyeon’s shirt with one hand.

Taeyeon smiled at Tiffany’s clumsiness and undid the buttons herself, holding on to Tiffany’s hand and placed it over her heart through the open shirt, breaking their

kiss gently. Leaning on each other’s foreheads, the two ladies looked longingly into each other’s eyes, listening to Taeyeon’s heartbeat. In that few short seconds, it was as if they have opened their hearts and took a sneak peek into each other’s souls, sharing the sorrow they felt. Tiffany looked away first, as the echoes of guilt creeped out from the corners of her mind threatening to devour her raging heart. Taeyeon saw the conflict in Tiffany’s eye. She couldn’t read the girl. But she knew that Tiffany was hurting inside and she didn’t want her lover to feel hurt or

vulnerable in her presence. She wanted Tiffany to feel protected from whatever inner demons she was struggling with. Taeyeon slowly lifted Tiffany’s delicate face, littering kisses from her forehead, down her nose bridge, licking the red wine off Tiffany, hesitating for a split second as Tiffany glanced into her eyes again, before she took her lover’s lips, kissing her softly and slowly, trying to kiss away the hurt of unknown origins to her, but so utterly visible and heart-wrenching. She slowly leaned forward as Tiffany slowly leaned back onto the table top. Taeyeon shrugged off the shirt and climbed on top of Tiffany, highly aware of the younger girl’s injuries, touching her tenderly, tasting her, savouring her. To Taeyeon, sex with Tiffany wasn’t just a physical act for the sake of pleasure anymore. It was a deeper emotional connection. It was her way of reaching out to Tiffany. Her heart lay as bare as she was naked.

“I could drink a case of you and still be on my feet.” Taeyeon said hazily, looking into Tiffany’s eyes, drawing an amused laughter from Tiffany before getting back into their merry making, both ladies feeling on top of the world.

[Censored scene]

“TAEEEEE!” Tiffany screamed in pleasure, pressing her body into Taeyeon as she arched her back, digging her fingers into Taeyeon’s back as Taeyeon collapsed in exhaustion on top of Tiffany.

“My respects to you Fany-ah. Who knows you could be this wild even when you’re injured? Nothing about you surprises me anymore. Let’s get you and I cleaned up. The wine on you is all over me too now!” Taeyeon said in between breaths. Tiffany merely smiled at her with a smoky sensual look of achievement. Taeyeon got off the table and picked Tiffany up effortlessly which never fails to amaze the younger girl with her hidden strength.

“You know you like it.” Tiffany whispered in a low tone in Taeyeon’s ears, her good arm around the latter’s neck, successfully making her blush and laugh out loud like an ahjumma.

--Taeyeon gently placed Tiffany on top of the toilet seat and walked over to the bathtub and let warm water fill the bathtub. She picked the lavender scented oil out of the different ones lining the edge of the bathtub against the wall and added it into the water.

“I’ll take a quick shower myself. Shout for me if the water overflows alright, hon?” Taeyeon told Tiffany like she was a little kid, kneeling down, bringing herself to Tiffany’s face level. Tiffany loved the motherly cheesy Taeyeon. She nodded her head with a pout on her face and eyes wide, acting innocent, mimicking the cat in Shrek. Taeyeon let out another ahjumma laugh and stepped into the shower

cubicle.

Tiffany watched Taeyeon showering as steam condensed on the glass walls of the shower cubicle. She smiled, enjoying the temporary state of happiness they shared. She wished life was simpler and thought to herself, in another life, in an alternate reality, they could have been a happy couple. They could enjoy the little things in life. Tiffany visiting Taeyeon at her weekly gigs at the Bronx like a proud and happy wife, Tiffany shopping up a storm with Taeyeon struggling with her

shopping bags, Tiffany staying in bed with Taeyeon to watch the sun rise outside their window, without having to slip out of bed after waiting in trepidation for Taeyeon to fall asleep every time they end up in bed together. She could imagine it all. A happy life, so near yet so far. A life she knew Taeyeon wanted too. But a life she could never allow herself to have. She could feel the tears well up in her eyes,

but she bit her lower lips, refusing to cry. She didn’t want to climb, didn’t want to fall, don’t know where to start it all. She could only start by taking it slow, one step at a time.

--Taeyeon wrapped herself in a towel and padded towards Tiffany with a smile, knowing Tiffany was checking her out again. She carried Tiffany and moved her into the bathtub remembering to prop Tiffany’s twisted ankle up with a few towels, leaving it outside of the wet bathtub together with Tiffany’s arm with a cast. She cleaned Tiffany meticulously in a joyous mood. The two ladies exchanged their usual playful banter, talking about everything under the sky and laughing out loud like high school girls talking about their crushes. It was a beautiful scene. oddly, they looked like an old happily married couple, free from the cares of the world.

“Alright, we’re all done babe!” Taeyeon exclaimed. She carried Tiffany once again, lifting her out of the bathtub and dried her up with a soft towel as Tiffany leaning against the wall with her good arm. Tiffany looked at Taeyeon wistfully. No one had paid her so much loving attention in the longest time. No one had truly cared for her like Taeyeon had. Her heart ached as she saw a glimpse of a happy and chatty Taeyeon. She knew that she was the cause of Taeyeon’s sad state, of the latter’s heartache, but she was too selfish to let her go.

“Tae, I lov…” Tiffany thought aloud, realising her mistake and stopped herself just on time. Taeyeon was drying Tiffany’s leg when she heard Tiffany. She stood up and faced Tiffany, suddenly serious. Have I heard wrong? Did I hear a Tiffany say she … No, It can’t be. I must have heard wrong. Taeyeon thought. The troubling thoughts inside of her started to bubble and surface in her mind.

“What did you say hon?” Taeyeon asked.

“I said I’m … tired. I’m tired Tae. Let’s get dressed and head to bed” Tiffany said, feigning sudden lethargy.

“Alright.” Taeyeon replied quietly, defeated. I must be going crazy. Hearing things like that. Taeyeon mentally chided herself. After getting the both of them dressed with much difficulty with Tiffany’s cast, Taeyeon carried Tiffany to bed, making sure she was comfortable before settling herself down beside Tiffany. Tiffany snuggled up close to Taeyeon as the latter propped herself up with one hand and breathed in Tiffany’s familiar scent. She stroked Tiffany’s hair and hummed an old tune to help Tiffany sleep. Soon after, Taeyeon felt Tiffany’s steady breathing and knew she was asleep, or so she thought. Taeyeon thoughts went back to the DJ dedication two nights ago and whispered softly, stroking Tiffany’s hair, “You’re wrong, Tiff. Because I’m never gonna stop trying. Not now. Not ever.” And with every fibre of her being, Tiffany believed her and prayed with all her heart that Taeyeon will stay true to her words, even if she was just sending words into outer space, she will keep praying.

Part 7

Taeyeon woke up to singing birds outside Tiffany’s balcony, stretching her free arm and stifling a yawn, she looked to her side to see an adorable Tiffany, nestling in her arms, sleeping without that usual guarded look, the golden rays of sunlight lighting up her face, giving her an angelic, beautiful otherworldly glow. This was what Taeyeon has always wanted. To wake up and see Tiffany’s radiant and

ravishing face the first thing in the morning instead of waking up alone to an empty bed, merely smelling the pillows Tiffany laid on, or feel the faintest hint of body heat Tiffany left on her side of the bed. Taeyeon was happy for the progress of their relationship, or whatever resemblances of a relationship they had between them. Her mood was instantly lifted. She felt energetic and upbeat for the baby step Tiffany had allowed her into her heart. Taeyeon leaned over and placed a chaste kiss on Tiffany’s forehead before gently freeing herself from Tiffany and slid off the bed. She was going to rush to the grocery store and make breakfast before her lover woke up. She will be thrilled right? That’s what always happens in those silly television dramas. Taeyeon thought to herself and giggled at the thought of Tiffany and her acting like a mushy lovey dovey couple. But she was happy to be cheesy. As long as Tiffany was by her side.

--Taeyeon whistled happily carrying two large paper grocery bags in her arms which towered over her and blocked her vision. She struggled up the steps to the lobby of Tiffany’s penthouse and into the lift, grinning like a hyena and giving herself a mental pat on the back. Taengoo! How romantic of you! Breakfast in bed. Anyone would fall head over heels with you! Kekeke~

*Ding*

The lift door opened and Taeyeon hopped out in excitement. She couldn’t wait to make breakfast and see a delighted Tiffany. Her pride swelled in her chest at the thought. She crossed the distance between the lift and the door to Tiffany’s

penthouse in two large steps before slipping out of her shoes. Taeyeon struggled to open the door with the house keys that she has stolen from Tiffany’s bag and let herself in. She felt like she was on a secret mission, tip toeing into the house, trying not the rustle the bags and risk waking Tiffany up. She placed the grocery bags on the kitchen counter, side stepping the mess their frisky selves made before she snaked towards Tiffany’s room to take a peek to check if Tiffany was still sound asleep. But the sight that greeted Taeyeon wasn’t what she had ever expected and it definitely wasn’t pleasing.

“Not till you kissed me baby.” The man replied in a rich baritone and nibbled at Tiffany’s earlobes.

“Alright, alright!” Tiffany relented and kissed the man before turning away, facing her back to him only to see a shattered Taeyeon standing at the room’s door with a hand over her mouth, muffling her sobs.

“Tae! What are you doing here?!” Tiffany squealed and sprung out from the man’s embrace.

“Baby, what’s the matter? Who is she? Your house cleaning lady?” the man asked in puzzlement over her startled reaction.

“Ye…Yes, Rich. Erm, I suddenly re…remembered I have an appointment today and had asked my cleaning lady over. I’m so sorry. Could you drop by another day perhaps?” a flustered Tiffany stuttered.

“Anything for you baby. Take care of yourself. You know it breaks my heart to see my baby injured. You should have told me about the accident earlier. I’ll call you before I drop by again alright, baby?” he replied in an oily and stomach churning

tone before nuzzling an awkward Tiffany at the neck and hopped off the bed, passing a shocked Taeyeon by the door and walked out of the house with a slam of the front door.

An awkward nerve-wreaking silence passed before the two ladies before Taeyeon turned around to walk away, deciding she could take no more.

“Tae! Wait!” Tiffany struggled towards Taeyeon in her crutches and clutched the older girl’s arm. Taeyeon stiffened at her touch, but refused to look at Tiffany’s face.

A million thoughts ran through Tiffany’s panicked mind, as she struggled to explain herself. I thought she was gone when I woke up to Richard’s call and agreed to let him over. Why is she here? None of the guys I’ve slept with came back after a night together, in the morning. Her mind could not comprehend what was going on.

Taeyeon sniffled, trying her best to hold herself together, determined not to fall apart in front of Tiffany. She had to pretend like she didn’t care. “Fany-ah. Let me go. I’ve…I’ve got to rush to the radio station to settle today’s script. I bought grocery and left them on the kitchen counter. I got to go now.” Taeyeon said unconvincingly and shrugged Tiffany off her arm. She shuffled over to the front door, twisting the door knob to escape from the place. She could only open it an

inch before it was forcefully slammed shut and the door knob was snatched out of her hands by the motion. At the periphery of her vision, she saw Tiffany’s good hand placed flat against the door, but she was too afraid to turn around to meet the younger girl’s eyes. She froze in her spot and wished she could dig a hole in the ground to crawl to the other side of the door.

“Tae, please don’t go. Who … who is going to help me with the mess we made last night? You said you were going to deal with it.” Tiffany said before smacking herself for the lame excuse.

Taeyeon’s blood boiled as she tried to breathe rapidly to calm herself down to no avail and the volcano inside of her exploded violently. She turned around to slap Tiffany, only to stop in mid-motion when she met with Tiffany’s teary eyes. Those wretched eyes. Those eyes that made her melt every single time she looked into it. Those eyes were like an animal trap. You stepped into it unknowingly and you will fall. To hit the ground HARD. And Taeyeon was that animal.

“So I’m the cleaning lady now, huh? So how may I help you Madam? Shall I clean the windows as well?” Taeyeon replied spitefully, fire burning in her woeful eyes. Tiffany could only open and close her mouth, trying to form a coherent sentence to redeem herself, but nothing came to her mind.

Taeyeon said coldly.

“No. I’m … I’m sorry Tae.” Tiffany pleaded. Taeyeon couldn’t bring herself to be angry at the sight of Tiffany’s regretful face. Her anger dissipated, only to be replaced by resignation. How can I stay mad with you? When I'm so in love with you? Taeyeon said to Tiffany in her head.

“Tell me why I’m still here, Tiff. Give me a good reason.” Taeyeon said in a low voice, carrying the smallest of hope that Tiffany would make her stay. But Tiffany only stared back at her blankly with those indecipherable eyes before dropping her gaze to the floor. The static in the noise inside Tiffany's head drowned out the words her heart couldn’t send to her mouth. Taeyeon took that as a hint to go and left the house without any resistance from the younger girl. This is the last time, she told herself, even though there’s another part of her that knows this won’t be true.

--Taeyeon walked into the Bronx slightly before its opening hours lifelessly with her head hung low. Sunny was tidying up the place when she noticed her old friend’s entrance and sensed the air of defeat following her like shadows and immediately knew something was wrong. She walked towards Taeyeon wordlessly with her arms wide as the latter looked at her with bloodshot eyes and walked into her

motherly embrace her with quivering lips. Taeyeon fell into Sunny’s arms without saying a word, trusting her old friend to hear the words she never said. Sunny held her tightly and protectively as she cried convulsively, her heart crushed to bits. Sunny merely patted the troubled girl’s back in comfortingly, waiting for her tears to dry and for her to collect herself.

“What's wrong? What’s getting you down? Do you want to talk about it?” Sunny asked carefully holding her friend at arm’s length and motioned her to take a seat opposite her at the table beside them.

“I don’t know if it’s even worth talking about anymore, really. I feel bad to make you my punching bag whenever things go wrong. It feels like no one gets me anymore. Just different faces, different places passing me by everyday.” Taeyeon said dejectedly into her palms.

Sunny peeled one of Taeyeon’s hands off her face and held it tight in her own. “You're walking around with your head to the ground and your eyes are watery red. I know you've been through rough times, kicked around, thrown to the ground, but you've always been the strong one. So don't tell me that nobody gets you,

'cause I'm standing in your corner, knocking at your door, you don't have to be alone. Just call my name, let me be an answer. 'cause it hurts me to see you this way. I wanna ease your pain, help me understand. Let me be your shelter, my friend.” Sunny replied unpretentiously, her concerns for Taeyeon audible in her voice.

Taeyeon hesitated, touched by her friend’s unwavering support before she started explaining hauntingly. “I went out to get groceries. When I got back to her house, I saw her with another man in her bed. She kissed him. I knew she sleeps around with other people, but that doesn’t make it any less painful to see it with my own eyes. Just when I thought we made progress, this happens. Perhaps I was deluding myself the whole time. It was like taking one step forward, a hundred steps back. It’s an arduous and long journey to find a way into Tiffany’s heart. It was as if she didn’t have one. Nothing I did could move her. It feels like everything is out to make me lose control. Every step I’m taking, every move I make feels lost with no direction. I wish my heart would let me stop fighting, Sunny. But I just can’t let her go.”

Sunny looked at Taeyeon’s dishevelled and miserable state and felt indignant for her. Her heart aches to see her friend being abused emotionally, to see the life sapped out of her friend. To her, Taeyeon was a puppet and Tiffany was the evil puppet master, dictating her friend’s every move to desire and she felt a

responsibility to cut the strings, but knew it was impossible because it is the puppet master who gives a puppet its life. No one else can animate the puppet like its master. She could only fear the worse for Taeyeon if Tiffany would leave the former. She couldn’t live with herself and the dire consequences if Taeyeon did anything silly. The only thing stopping her from tying Taeyeon to a chair and preventing her from seeing Tiffany was she knew that she can’t keep Taeyeon away from love, even if it was hurting her. She didn’t care what reasons Tiffany had to give, or how beautiful she looked in Taeyeon’s eyes, because no one, NO

ONE had the right to take someone’s heart, string it along, only to feed it to the hungry mouths of rejection.

Sunny bunny, hwaiting! You can do this. It’s do or die! Sunny mentally encouraged herself and took a deep breath. “It's so easy to get lost inside a problem that seems so big right now. It's like a river that’s so wide, it swallows you whole. While you sit around thinking about what you can't change and worrying about all the wrong things, time's flying by, moving so fast. You better make it count 'cause you can't get it back. You had a life before Tiffany, Taeyeon. Wake up smell the roses. Life is happening and you don't know it. You have got to live it well or look back to regret when you see the things you have missed while moping around over that undeserving girl. However, I can try my hardest to convince your mind, but

nothing I do can convince your heart. I’m in no place to tell you what to do. So, if you really think Tiffany is worth the fight. Give it your all. You got to keep going, got to be strong, got to just keep pushing on. You know I’ll be standing by your side to cushion the fall. I’ll always lend you a shoulder to lean on. I’ll be your shelter, my friend.” Sunny paused awkwardly as Taeyeon looked back at her with clouded eyes.

"Was it that bad, sweetheart?" The concern in Sunny’s voice nearly undid her. Taeyeon tried to answer but it took forever to force a sound from her tight throat.

"Yeah." Taeyeon finally whispered. Her eyes flooded, and she wiped them with her palm. "It was pretty bad."

Then it was Sunny’s turn to wait a while, before she can manage to speak. "What can I do?" she asked simply.

"You're doing it, you're being my friend." Taeyeon replied genuinely.

"Always." she said. Taeyeon knew Sunny meant it. And it occurred to her that friendship was a lot more dependable, not to mention long-lasting, than love.

Interlude I

Tiffany watched Taeyeon walk out of her door as she stood helplessly with a sinking heart, dumbfounded. She couldn’t summon the strength to stop the older girl. Her mind refuses to register the confession her heart had for Taeyeon.

Everything was happening so quickly and her head couldn’t wrap itself round what happen this morning. The door slammed in her face and she analysed the

woodwork, tracing her fingers lightly across the sculptured lines thinking about the things she had said and done. She walked back into her room numbly and stared at the crumpled sheets. She felt so dirty and low at the thought of Taeyeon sharing the bed other men had slept in. Her heart clenched and a moment of insanity ate away at her. She violently pulled the sheets off the bed and collapsed weakly on the stripped bed. The static in her thoughts jabbed sharply in at her mind.

--If looks could kill, anyone that took a glimpse at Tiffany would have been dead. But despite her disguise, she was just human, just like everyone else. People tend to forget that, not bothering to look beneath her façade. She had secrets and she trusts no one. She's the perfect example of betrayal. Because everyone she trusted, broke her, deserted her at her lowest. She had given too much of herself to

Taeyeon. More than she should have. Committed more than she could afford and now it’s driving her crazy. With every passing day, inside her mind, she was slowly losing herself, slowing dying in torment. Her mind cried out for help. Who

could bring her back to life? Sometimes she wished someone would just come and save her. Save her from herself. She closed her eyes as old memories locked in a dark corner of her mind flooded her consciousness.

--FLASHBACK

The warm sunlight painted the couple in warm hues of yellow, orange and red as they laid on the sand watching the sun set in the horizons. The calming waves rolled gently on the soft sand as they breathed in the salty sea breeze, in harmony.

This was the stability in her life that she never had. She was orphaned at the young age of five and had to live in a cold, lonely and forlorn orphanage in Southern California. The only thing that kept her centred was the hope of a brighter future. She had the dignity and class of what a Hwang descendent should have. At a very young age, she had come to realise that she was different from the average orphan she met every living second of her young life. She had a steel and maturity in her eyes that a normal kid would never have. The eyes seemed weathered, but

nonetheless, bright with hope. Her father had mercilessly taken her mother’s life in front of her very eyes with a shot of the Glock before taking his own with a shot through the head. Her short legs couldn’t carry her fast enough to stop her crazed father, after the collapse of the Hwang Corporation. She remembered vividly that

horrid night that changed her life eternally.

“Hey Steph, thinking about it again?” his warm and comforting voice filled her ears and heart with comfort as a small knowing smile crossed his face. Stephanie Hwang snapped out of her trance at the sound of his voice and looked up into his deep and soulful eyes.

“Yeah. But it’s alright. I have you now, Taecyeon.” She lowered her head from his broad shoulders and placed it on his tanned chest as she nestled herself in his arms, breathing in the comfort she always found there for the past three years.

“I’m yours. Forever and more.” He replied with a conviction that Stephanie found it hard to not believe. She closed her eyes and languished in the tranquillity and peace she thought would last a lifetime.

--Forever and more…. His words echoed hauntingly in her head. A lone teardrop escaped her eyes as she ran her hand through her soft black hair and stared at the ceiling. It seemed like another life time since that beautiful evening. So many things have changed, so many things had gone wrong since then.

--Flashback

“Police! Put your hands up, drop your gun and back away from the hostage! I repeat. Put your hands up, drop your gun and back away from the hostage! You’re surrounded and you have no where to run.” Stephanie shouted into the loud hailer.

*Bang*

The loud gunshot rang in her ears and the dreadful sound reverberated in the empty warehouse.

“No! Natalie! “She screamed in horror as she fired a shot herself at the owner of the first gunshot and felt the powerful recoil in her trained hands. She sprinted forward to intercept the crazed and delusional kidnapper. But she was a second too late. She could feel the change in air pressure as the bullet sped past her face and watched as the bullet lodged itself into Natalie’s heart in slow motion.

Natalie’s eyes of the most piercing green stared back at her in pain, shock and most of all, helplessness as the chair she was tied to, toppled at her desperate attempt to