Mens X3Pure

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X3pure Workbook

30 Days to Purity Workshop Guide.

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Welcome

Friends,

Welcome to the X3pure Workshop.

Each day, for the next 30 days, you will go through an online lesson that integrates video, this workbook, scriptures and other off-line exercises. We ask that you commit to consistency and to completing the course. If you miss a day, just pick back up where you left off and keep going! Please let us know if there is anything we can do to improve X3pure— or anything we can do to help you in the recovery process. We are praying for your success!

A few things that will help you get the most out of this workshop:

• Remove distractions while doing the lessons. Turn off your phone(s) and ask friends and family to give you some alone time.

• Pray before each lesson.

• Make sure that you have your audio turned up, so you are not straining to hear. (If possible, use headphones).

• Use a good Internet connection. The better your Internet connection, the more smoothly the videos will play.

TODAY IS DAY ONE OF YOUR RECOVERY!

Sincerely,

The X3pure Team

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How to use this Workshop

STEP ONE: LOGIN TO X3PURE.

Each day for 30 days, you will LOGIN to the X3pure Workshop (www.X3pure.com) by going to the LOGIN area on the top right of the home page. Once you are “logged in,” the first page you will see is the course homepage which allows you to navigate around the workshop.

Each chapter is designed to be completed over two days. There are specific instructions for each day in this workbook.

STEP TWO: NAVIGATE TO A CHAPTER

Navigate to the appropriate day of the timeline using either the shortcut icons at the TOP of the page or using the timeline slider at the bottom of the page.

You will start the workshop on “Unwanted Sexual Behavior, Part I”, spend two days on this chapter, then will move on to Chapter 2, “Unwanted Sexual Behavior, Part II.”

STEP THREE: COMPLETE THE CHAPTER

Usually on the first day of a given chapter, you will watch a streaming video presentation, and lasting between 15-25 minutes. While you watch, have this workbook open to the appropriate chapter and fill in the blanks as you go along. This might seem juvenile, but it is a critical part of the workshop, and it will help reduce distractions while going through the program.

Then, on the second day of each chapter, you will have a lesson that will usually include scripture reading or a question-and-answer section.

1 2 3

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Chapter 1: Where We Are and Where We’re

Going

CHAPTER 1 - DAY 1 LESSON

1) Watch the Chapter 1 Video “Where We Are and Where We’re Going.”

2) Write in your own words what sexual behaviors you feel like you need to control. __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________

3) Get a journal. If you have time, write down some notes and thoughts on how you are feeling emotionally at the beginning of this journey. Doesn’t need to be neat, clean or even make total sense. Just needs to be honest. No one else needs to read this.

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CHAPTER 1 - DAY 2 LESSON/WORKBOOK

Read the following workbook based off Day 1’s teaching and fill in the blanks. While some of the answers may be easier than others, the point here is to help you remember key words, terms, or concepts.

Answers are at the end of the chapter. I. Our objectives over the next 30 days:

A. Understand if we are indeed __________ and what __________ means. B. Comprehend what __________ for the better really is.

C. Learn what is going on in our __________ and __________ when we have turned to sex compulsively.

D. Discover the __________ reasons why we have turned to compulsive sexual behavior. E. Unleash some powerful __________ that will help us live lives full of purity, honor, and

pride.

II. Am I really addicted?

A. As Christians, we may have a different standard from that of the secular world; whether or not Christians are “addicted” may be irrelevant if the sexual behavior they are

engaging in is something that has turned sex into an __________.

B. What does that mean, “Turning sex into an idol?” Simply speaking, turning sex into an idol means that we have come to rely on sex or sexual activities as a source of

__________ love instead of friends, family, community or God Himself.

C. For now what is important to understand is whether or not you feel as if sex has become an idol in your life, whether you have come to rely on sex as a source of unconditional love instead of friends, family, community, or God Himself.

D. To determine whether or not you have, here are some questions to help you. They come from what therapists call a Sexual Addiction Screening Test. If you answer “yes” to three or more of these questions, it would be in your best interest to stick with us over the next 14 sessions and gain some perspective on your life.

1. Do you have a pattern of failing to resist the impulse to act out sexually? Yes No 2. When you do act out sexually, do you find that you do so to a greater extent, or for a

longer period of time, than you had originally intended? Yes No

3. Do you have a continual desire to act out sexually or have tried to stop, reduce, or control acting out sexually but been unsuccessful? Yes No

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4. Have you spent an inordinate amount of time either trying to get sex, be sexual, or recover from some sexual experience? Yes No

5. Are you preoccupied with acting out sexually or preparing to act out sexually? Yes No

6. Do you find yourself acting out sexually even though you are expected to meet job, school, home, or social commitments? Yes No

7. Even if you know you have a social, educational, financial, mental, or physical problem caused by your sexual behavior do you continue to act out in that behavior anyway? Yes No

8. Do you find that you need to increase the intensity, frequency, number, or risk of sexual behavior to get the physical effect you want? Conversely, does the same level of intensity, frequency, number, or risks of sexual behavior produce less of an effect? Yes No

9. Do you find yourself quitting or reducing your social, professional, or recreational activities because of your sexual behavior? Yes No

10. Do you find yourself upset, distressed, anxious, restless, or even violent if you cannot act out sexually, especially in the ways in which you have developed as a pattern? Yes No

E. In light of your answers to the above questions, has the definition you wrote on Day 1 for the sexual behaviors you would like to control changed? If so, write a new definition for the sexual behaviors you would like to control: III. Take some time to write down in your journal some notes or thoughts about how you are feeling, either in response to what you may have discovered about yourself today, about today in general, or life.

__________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________

“Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the

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CHAPTER 1 – FILL IN THE BLANKS:

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Digging Deeper

2 Peter 1:3-11

Focus:

The Road to Godliness is a Journey

In the session we talked about the new journey you are entering. This is not a series promising overnight success or instant victory; but a journey requiring discipline, sacrifice, surrender, and TIME. You did not become addicted overnight and you will not gain long lasting freedom overnight. This is a journey that will require your time and attention.

Scripture:

2 Peter 1:3-11, “Everything that goes into a life of pleasing God has been miraculously given to us by getting to know, personally and intimately, the One who invited us to God. The best invitation we ever received! We were also given absolutely terrific promises to pass on to you— your tickets to participation in the life of God after you turned your back on a world corrupted by lust. 5-9 So don’t lose a minute in building on what you’ve been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and

developing the others. With these qualities active and growing in your lives, no grass will grow under your feet, no day will pass without its reward as you mature in your experience of our Master Jesus. Without these qualities you can’t see what’s right before you, oblivious that your old sinful life has been wiped off the books. 10-11 So, friends, confirm God’s invitation to you, his choice of you. Don’t put it off; do it now. Do this, and you’ll have your life on a firm footing, the streets paved and the way wide open into the eternal kingdom of our Master and Savior, Jesus Christ.”

1. What does verse 3 point out as the key to living a “life of pleasing God”?

2. Peter points out the past of those he is writing to and refers to it as “a world corrupted by lust.” However, he promises “tickets” to participate in a new life with God. What does this opportunity tell you about the character of God in relation to your life?

3. In verses 5-9 Peter outlines the road to victorious living. Many people refer to this section as the latter of virtue. He highlights each Characteristic in order of growth and development. It is a picture of a stair well and each step represents a different area of growth and

development. Take some time to pray through each characteristic asking God to lead you along the steps necessary for a changed life.

Faith in Jesus Good Character

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Warm Friendliness Generous Love

4. Often when we work through a behavioral sin we spend the majority of time focused solely on the sin. Our eyes only see what we are doing wrong or our failure. Critical to Godliness is placing our eyes on something good, something bigger? Jesus himself. What does Peter say is the result of someone focusing his or her attention on the latter of virtue?

Devote some time today to accept God’s invitation to a new life.

Begin your journey with the firm footing promised to any who

are willing to journey up the latter of virtue.

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Unwanted Sexual Behavior Part II

Chapter 2: Your Sexual Sobriety Map

In the last session we talked about our plans together and helped you answer the question, “Am I addicted?” If you responded yes to three or more of the questions listed in Chapter 1 of our lesson and workbook, you most certainly have some form of sexual addiction.

Again, our definition of addiction, in this series, is turning sex into an idol, which means that we have come to rely on sex or sexual activities as a source of unconditional love instead of friends, family, community, or God Himself.

CHAPTER 2 – DAY 3 LESSON

1) Watch the Chapter 2 Video “ Your Sexual Sobriety Map.”

2) Jot down some ideas here or in your journal about what change will look like in your life. Will it be easy or difficult? What decisions do you think will be required of you? What do you think is going to need to change in your life?

__________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________

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CHAPTER 2 – DAY 4 LESSON/WORKBOOK

Read the following workbook based off of Day 3’s teaching and fill in the blanks. While some of the answers may be easier than others, the point here is to help you remember key words, terms, or concepts.

Answers are at the end of the chapter. I. Sexual Sobriety Map.

A. At the end of this workbook is a copy of our Sexual Sobriety Map. If you haven’t already, please acquaint yourself with it.

B. In our first video lesson, we explored the question, “Am I addicted?” If you answered yes to that question, then you have “Unwanted Sexual Behavior” and have entered into this map at the top.

C. Our Sexual Sobriety Map is not __________, which means that you don’t just enter at the top and work your way down the various stages of recovery until you arrive at “Pursuit of Unconditional Love” and arrive addiction free.

D. Recovery from anything, especially addiction, is like keeping your balance on an endless __________: it takes a great deal of focus, concentration, and intentional effort.

E. The value of this map is that if you have fallen, or if you are wavering, it will help you get back on the tightrope, stand up again, regain your balance, and continue on down the

line.

II. Unwanted Sexual Behaviors.

A. We do not condone sex and sexual activities outside of marriage not because we wish to establish puritanical __________, but because we want to aid you in discovering a __________, caring, faithful God who wants to meet your sexual needs in ways that __________ and nurture, not diminish or shame you.

B. Again, we will make more sense out of all of this as we go along. But for now, here’s a quick list of some of the major forms of what we call “Unwanted Sexual Behavior”… 1. Masturbation.

2. Pornography use, whether print, video, or Internet. 3. Pre-Marital Sex.

4. Extra-Marital Sex. 5. Visiting Strip Clubs.

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7. Use of prostitutes.

8. Or any combination of these seven. III. Change

A. The fact that Unwanted Sexual Behavior is present in your life is a sign that some real learning about yourself is needed, whether that learning is about…

1. …your __________ and __________ and how they work, 2. …your __________ and what it was like,

3. … your __________ life and how it is structured.

B. When we have Unwanted Sexual Behavior, we need to make change in our lives and there are two kinds:

White-Knuckle Change and Real Change.

1. ____________________ is change in behavior without addressing the system, or environment, that is causing the behavior.

2. ____________________is about a complete examination and alteration of one’s life, how it is structured, who is in it, and what meaning it ultimately has for the individual. IV. Take some time either here or in your journal to write a paragraph or two about a

relationship you have in your life that makes you feel safe and secure and a paragraph or two about a relationship in your life that makes you feel unprotected and vulnerable. (Comparing these differences will help you understand more of what we will be discussing in later chapters.) __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________

CHAPTER 2 – FILL IN THE BLANKS:

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Sexual Sobriety Map

Unwanted Sexual Behavior

Masturbation Pornography Use Pre-marital Sex Extra-Marital Sex Strip Clubs Massage Parlors Prostitutes

White-Knuckle Change Real Change Abstinence

Avoiding Behavior not Causes Relapse

Understanding of Physiology What Really Drives the Brain

Abstinence

Recognizing & Avoiding Sexual, Environmental and Emotional Triggers

(Sobriety Sheets)

Acceptance of Conditional Love Recovery Principles

#1: Realization of Psychological Distress #2: Locating Need for Community #3: Recognizing Lack of Truth, Self-trust &

Boundaries

#4: Seeking Faith as the Avenue to Wholeness

Pursuit of Unconditional Love Recovery Targets

#1: Psychological Examination of Feelings #2: Seeking, Establishing, and Engaging in

Community

#3: Truth, Trust, and Territory #4: Developmental of Genuine Faith

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Digging Deeper

Acts 3:19

Focus:

The Comeback

There are many moments in my life where I get stuck in the past. I allow my past mistakes to paralyze my future. Instead of believing in a new and brighter future, I believe the lie that the past defines my future. In the last session we talked about Roy Riegel and his failure followed by his incredible comeback. As Roy sat in the locker room at halftime he had to make an important decision, “Will I get up off this bench and go back out on the field ready to overcome the mistakes of the first half?” Each and every one of us has to make a similar decision in our lives. No one is perfect, everyone has setbacks, and everyone is capable, with Jesus, to go back out on the field and change the future.

Roy Riegel was later inducted into the Rose Bowl Hall of Fame and the Cal Berkley Hall of Fame. Imagine if Roy would have chosen to stay in the locker room and concede defeat.

Scripture:

Acts 3:19,

“Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that

times of refreshing may come from the Lord,”

I. Often when we struggle with a repetitious sin like Sexual Addiction we grow tired of continually confessing to God. We confess only to fall back into the same sin minutes or hours later. What does Paul outline as the immediate next step following repentance/ confession?

How can you tangibly “turn to God” each day? What practices can assist you in turning to God daily?

II. Paul reveals a refreshing character trait about God in his ability to wipe your sins from his memory. This is clearly described in Psalm 103:10-12,

“He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.11 For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.12_{He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.”} What does this tell you about God? What do we learn about God’s focus on our confessed sin?

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relieved of thirst. God promises refreshment to accompany repentance. Take some time to list what “refreshment” would be for you and how it would feel. Think about your

relationships, your inner thoughts and feelings, and your future opportunities.

Refreshment is available to all people regardless how deep the

wounds. Refreshment doesn’t always overcome our

circumstances or remove the struggle, but it gives us just what

we need to face the next step. Often God will give us exactly what

we need to experience relief without replacing the need for hard

work and discipline. Trust God to deliver enough refreshment for

you today. Take the time necessary to wait for it each day by:

sitting in his presence, listening for his voice, confessing your

pride, and reading his words in the bible.

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White Knuckle vs. Real Change

Part I

Chapter 3: What is Change?

So far in our work together we have discussed:• Sexual addiction.• What sexual addiction means.• Accepted, we assume, that you have Unwanted Sexual Behavior.• Introduced our Sexual Sobriety Map.• And just started touching on the concept of change.

CHAPTER 3 – DAY 5 LESSON

1) Watch the Chapter 3 Video “What is Change?”

2) Jot down here or in your journal 2-5 hopes you have for yourself and your future. Conversely, write down 2-5 fears your have about yourself and your future. Just hold on to these notes, we will return to them later in the workbook.

__________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________

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CHAPTER 3 – DAY 6 LESSON/WORKBOOK

Read the following workbook based off of Day 5’s teaching and fill in the blanks/respond to the questions. While some of the answers may be easier than others, the point here is to help you remember key words, terms, or concepts.

Answers are at the end of the chapter.

I. As we discussed in our last chapter, when we have Unwanted Sexual Behavior, and want to be rid of it, we have to change. When we change there are two different options for it: __________ or __________ change.

A. White-Knuckle Change.

1. The definition we have given for White-Knuckle Change is the change in

__________ without addressing the __________, or environment, that is causing the behavior.

2. Have you ever tried to change your access to your Unwanted Sexual Behavior, remained sober for a period, and then acted out again with your behavior? This is called __________.

3. Relapse is when you have tried to abstain (or stop) from using a substance of abuse but have returned to using it again and again.

4. Write down some examples (3-7) of actions you have taken in your life to prevent yourself from engaging in your Unwanted Sexual Behavior. These could include throwing away porn magazines, getting rid of your computer or installing blocking software on it. We’re going to revisit this list in just a second.

__________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ B. Real Change

1. To be on the Real Change side of our Sexual Sobriety Map means that instead of just preventing yourself from getting your Unwanted Sexual Behavior you are willing to __________ and __________ your life, how it is structured, who is in it, and what meaning it ultimately has for you.

2. Real Change is not about laws, prohibitions, judgment, ridicule, or shame. Real Change is about…

a) Understanding what is going on in your __________ when you engage in Unwanted Sexual Behavior.

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b) Making a decision to __________ from our Unwanted Sexual Behavior not because you want to please anyone, but because you want to…

(1) Heal your brain.

(2) Engage in life-giving activities.

(3) Discover that wonderful person who is hidden inside of you that you maybe didn’t even know existed.

(4) Become servants of God.

(5) And know God on a more intimate, amazing level than you ever before dreamed

3. In the end, Real Change is about putting sobriety __________ in your life in order to let that decision shape the course of other decisions.

C. The point is, your addiction, your Unwanted Sexual Behavior, is not simply a bad __________. It is God’s way of telling you that something is not quite right with the way your life, and the relationships in it, are arranged. If you do not seek to deal with what is “not quite right,” either by continuing to use your Unwanted Sexual Behavior or White-Knuckling your change, you will be plugging your ears to God’s voice in your life. D. Take a look above at the 3-7 examples of actions you have taken in your life to prevent

yourself from engaging in your Unwanted Sexual Behavior. Now that we have briefly discussed the difference between White-Knuckle and Real Change, see if you can jot down a note or two on why those actions didn’t help you in avoiding your Unwanted Sexual Behavior. (If this is difficult, don’t worry; it will all make more sense as we progress). __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________

CHAPTER 3 – FILL IN THE BLANKS:

1) White-Knuckle, 2) Real, 3) behavior, 4) system, 5) relapse, 6) examine, 7) alter, 8) brain, 9) abstain, 10) first, 11) habit.

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Digging Deeper

Philippians 4:8

Focus:

Fix Your Thoughts

Scripture:

Philippians 4:8, “Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious-the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.”

If you are reading this material and watching these sessions it is because you really desire to experience change. This is no little accomplishment. Gaining the desire to change is more difficult than most people can comprehend. Even though your sexual addiction has cost you greatly in your life; the idea of closing the door completely can be frightening. Your unwanted sexual behavior has provided a false sense of comfort and control for many years. At times in the journey you will be tempted to go back to experience the reward your body has become accustomed too. How or what you fix your thoughts upon will be critical to your success.

Paul urges the church in Philippi to focus their thoughts on 6 specific things:

• Truth: aligned with God’s words • Goodness: excellent moral character • Right: morally correct

• Pure: free from fault, not of the flesh • Lovely: pleasing to God

• Admirable: good for the future

Each of these areas uncovers realities, that are helpful in choosing correctly, in the midst of our battle. Each word infuses positive thinking and a winning spirit into our lives.

1) On what do you spend most of you time thinking – positive elements of life or negative aspects and experiences?

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2) Make a list of all the good things God has given you in your life? List any positive aspects of your life right now.

3) As Paul says, “Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Spent the next few minutes thanking God for each of the good things in your life.

4) Print out Psalm 100 and keep it with you. Place the Psalm on your mirror, and next to your speedometer in the car. Each day this week fix your thoughts on good and be thankful.

“Shout with joy to the LORD, all the earth! 2 Worship the LORD

with gladness. Come before him, singing with joy.

3 Acknowledge that the LORD is God! He made us, and we are

his. We are his people, the sheep of his pasture. 4 Enter his gates

with thanksgiving; go into his courts with praise. Give thanks to

him and praise his name. 5 For the LORD is good. His unfailing

love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each

generation.” Psalm 100

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White Knuckle vs. Real Change

Part II

Chapter 4: Confession and Accountability

So far, we have discussed…

• Unwanted Sexual Behavior (whether or not your are addicted). • The difference between White-Knuckle and Real Change.

Remember, for those of you who are currently engaged in dangerous sexual activities, such as unprotected sex and sex with multiple partners, we encourage you to stop right now. All of us, including God, care about your health and the health of other people. AIDS, and other venereal diseases, are very real threats.

Even though we are only in Chapter 4 and haven’t yet discussed abstinence, we encourage you to stop having sex outside of marriage. We’ll catch up with how to make stopping easier and more permanent.

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CHAPTER 4 – DAY 7 LESSON

1) Watch the Chapter 4 Video “Confession and Accountability.”

2) Jot down 3-5 things you could lose and 3-5 things you could gain if you were to be honest with an accountability partner about your Unwanted Sexual Behavior.

__________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________

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CHAPTER 4 – DAY 8 LESSON/WORKBOOK

Read the following workbook based off of Day 7’s teaching and fill in the blanks/respond to the questions. While some of the answers may be easier than others, the point here is to help you remember key words, terms, or concepts.

Answers are at the end of the chapter. I. The essential need for support.

A. In our discussion of the difference between White-Knuckle and Real Change we discussed the need to be on the Real Change side of our Sexual Sobriety Map. What this means is that in order to change our Unwanted Sexual Behavior, we need to be looking at how our lives are _______________, who is in them, and what

_______________ life ultimately has for us, not just physical ways of stopping the behavior.

B. Again, while we require that you get rid of all means and ways of accessing your

Unwanted Sexual Behavior – porn, prostitutes, massage parlors, etc. – to just stop there is to remain on the _______________ side and to tempt relapse. Not only must you do more, but the more you need to do is the real cause of your struggle with Unwanted Sexual Behavior, not the porn, not the prostitutes, and not the strip clubs themselves. II. Self-Differentiation.

A. As the title of this lesson suggests, what we are talking about today is confession and accountability. That is, including someone you __________ with the hard truths, realities, and struggles of your recovery.

B. But before we directly address that, we want to introduce a crucial and important concept that is the very goal of recovery. This concept is called self-differentition. 1. When you feel as if being who you are, or have become, isn’t “good enough” to

receive love from family, church, or society you can get anxious, unhappy, frustrated, and sad.

2. Who wouldn’t, right? Love is a basic human need. But instead of doing the hard work of finding new and different “__________,” church friends, or societies that love you unconditionally, while still being connected to the old ones, you may be turning to your Unwanted Sexual Behavior to receive that unconditional love that is missing in your life.

3. What you are faced with, then, is the very hard, difficult task of what therapists call self-differentiation.

4. Our definition of self-differentiation is an ability to see yourself as separate from those people or groups of people in your life who love you conditionally, which

means that they don’t just love you for who your are (warts and all), but love you only if you act or behave in a certain way.

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III. Confession and Accountability

A. What we want you to understand right now is that to begin on your journey of Real Change, to begin on this journey of self-differentiation, and to begin on this journey of sobriety, you need to have the beginnings of unconditional _______________, at least one person whom you trust and from whom you feel a sense of unconditional love, whom you can bring the darkest sides of yourself and won’t be judged.

B. This person could be…

1. A mother, father, brother, or sister. 2. An uncle or aunt.

3. A close friend. 4. Your wife.

5. A church friend or church leader. 6. A counselor or therapist.

IV. Follow these three steps to help you start on this path of confession and accountability. A. Answer the following questions to help you narrow down a person in your life to whom

you can turn for confession and accountability. Whom do you know in your life… 1. …from whom you have felt loved just for being who you are?

______________________________

2. …who has still supported you even when you have not met his or her expectations? ______________________________

3. …who accepts you regardless of the color of your skin? ______________________________

4. …who doesn’t care how little or how much money you have? ______________________________

5. …who doesn’t judge you if you have questions about your sexual orientation – heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, questioning?

______________________________

6. … who appears to welcome men and women who have struggled and failed more than others? ______________________________

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B. If one or more of the names you have listed above appears more than once, he or she could be a good candidate for confession and accountability. Spend some time in prayer asking God if this is the person to whom you should divulge your secret.

C. Contact the person you have selected and request a private meeting. Share your secret.

God created us for community and it is when we are in a

community of unconditional love – which is God’s nature – that

we begin to thrive and become the best we can be!

CHAPTER 4 – FILL IN THE BLANKS:

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Digging Deeper

Psalm 32:3-6; James 5:16

Focus:

Confession = Healing Power

Scripture:

Psalm 32:3-6, “When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away, and I groaned all day long. 4 Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat. Interlude 5 Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the LORD.” And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone. Interlude 6 Therefore, let all the godly pray to you while there is still time,”

As I read this Psalm, I am reminded of King David and his adulterous affair with Bathsheba. His sin led him to commit murder and to turn his back on God’s plans for his life. In a matter of weeks King David managed to obliterate God’s plans for his life and his personal integrity. Through David’s choices he hurt a host of others and himself.

David describes the agony of unconfessed sin in Psalm 32. He uses descriptive words like: wasted away, groaning, heavy, and evaporated strength. This describes a man experiencing death while still living. When we refuse to confess our sins to God and to one another we walk around breathing but are dead. We have nothing to give anyone else, we are paralyzed by our sin, fear controls our decisions, and we slip further away from God’s abundant life.

1) Read Psalm 6, 32, 38, 51, 102, 130, & 143. In these scriptures David describes the agony produced by his sin. Write a list of various sentences that relate to your current emotions and feelings.

2) Throughout David’s writings he mixes in sentences of hope amongst agony. Write a list of various sentences from the above Psalms that give you encouragement and hope.

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3) It is clear that confession to God is vital to overcoming our shortcomings. James 5:16 directs us to confess our sins one to another.

“Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed.”

The word, confess, simply means to take responsibility for your actions. It is to say clearly, “I did it.” In the context of this scripture it is not a law but an opportunity. When we confess our sins to one another we invite others to help us, specifically in prayer, and we admit that we need help.

Take some time and write out a prayer of confession to the Lord. Once you have completed this prayer, sit down and share your prayer of confession with your accountability partner.

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Understanding Physiology Part I

Chapter 5: The Brain’s Reward System

Up until this point we have been sort of getting going, laying the foundation for what we are doing in this program.

Again, our goal in recovery, after we have accepted that we have Unwanted Sexual Behavior, is to discover the real reasons for why we are turning to sex as a way of meeting our needs for unconditional love instead of turning toward friends, family, community, and ultimately God Himself.

These real reasons have to do with… • …how your life is structured

• …who is in it

• …and what meaning life ultimately has for you. How do we start?

• The first step you should have taken already, which is to find someone to whom to confess and with whom to find accountability.

• In looking at our Sexual Sobriety Map, you can see that our next destination after accepting Unwanted Sexual Behavior, and choosing to be on the Real Change side, is the

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CHAPTER 5 – DAY 9 LESSON

1) Watch the Chapter 5 Video “The Brain’s Reward System.”

2) Jot down thoughts or ideas about things that did or didn’t make sense to you when you watched this lesson. Look to have your questions answered in the next two video lessons. __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________

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CHAPTER 5 – DAY 10 LESSON/WORKBOOK

Read the following workbook based off of Day 9’s lesson and fill in the blanks. While some of the answers may be easier than others, the point here is to help you remember key words, terms, or concepts.

Answers are at the end of the chapter.

I. The brain remembers what it likes through a neurochemical called _______________. A neurochemical is a substance created by the brain to help control how the brain works. II. The ____________________ of the brain, or VTA, sends a continual dose of dopamine to

three important parts of the brain. These are the ____________________, _______________, and _______________.

III. This continual dose of dopamine is called a Basal Secretion Rate.

IV. The Basal Secretion Rate keeps the brain alert so that whenever it comes into contact with anything new or novel, it can give a burst of dopamine to help the brain remember what it liked.

A. Neurons

1. Each time these portions of the brain receive dopamine, the neurons in the brain grow stronger in response to those things it likes. Neurons are cells in the nervous system that process and transmit information by electrochemical signaling.

2. These neurons are like __________ in a computer and they help us define the unique people we are and what we like or dislike.

3. In other words, neurons in the brain that are used for certain purposes like watching TV or playing video games get stronger while neurons in the brain that are NOT used for certain purposes, like reading and writing, get pruned out, very much like a tree. 4. Remember the old adage, “If you don’t use it you lose it”? Well, that adage has

everything to do with the neurons in your brain.

B. What are the parts of the brain the Ventral Tegmental Area send dopamine to and what purposes do they serve?

1. Nucleus Accumbens

a) Simply put, this is the brain’s ____________________.

b) Dopamine released here from the VTA gives us that feeling of _______________ we are after when we act out sexually.

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2. Prefrontal Cortex

a) This is the _______________ part of the brain, in charge of “executive

functioning.” This includes decision-making, moderating correct social behavior, social control, and determining between good and bad.

b) Dopamine released to the Prefrontal Cortex inhibits or _________ proper reasoning causing poor behavioral choices.

3. Amygdala.

a) This part of the brain integrates sight, hearing, touch, smell, and taste with __________ information.

b) Dopamine released to the Amygdala helps the brain __________ the sights, sounds, textures, smells, and tastes associated with a given reward.

4. In the spaces below, jot down some freeform notes on experiences you think you have had with dopamine released to these three areas of the brain’s reward system, whether related to pornography or not. For instance, does the sensation of pleasure registered by the Nucleus Accumbens described here sound like something you have experienced? What about the sensation of slowed reasoning in the Prefrontal Cortex or the integration of your five senses with emotional information by the Amygdala? a) Nucleus Accumbens. _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ b) Prefrontal Cortex. _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ c) Amygdala. _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________

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V. Journal Entry Ideas.

A. Is this above information new to you?

B. How might knowing this information change the way you look at life?

C. Are you surprised to discover that there is more going on with addiction than “sin”?

CHAPTER 5 – FILL IN THE BLANKS:

1) dopamine, 2) Ventral Tegmental Area, 3) Nucleus Accumbens, 4) Prefrontal Cortex, 5) Amygdala, 6) circuits, 7) pleasure center, 8) ecstasy, 9) reasoning, 10) slows, 11) emotional, 12) remember.

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Digging Deeper

Galatians 5:17, 19-21

Focus:

Battling the Flesh

Scripture:

Galatians 5:17, “The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions.”

Galatians 5:19-21, “When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.”

The battle is actually occurring inside of us! The thoughts, emotions, chemicals, and

conversation inside of us are playing the supporting role in our defeat to sin. It is not all about the external stimulus around us and therefore victory over unwanted sexual behaviors is not to be 100% focused on circumstances, environments, and behaviors. There is way more to this battle than we can see!

1) What does Galatians point to as our motivator to do evil? What effect does this have on our “good intentions”?

2) Paul lists a fairly comprehensive list of behaviors resulting from our “sinful nature”, what results have you clearly seen in your life?

3) Take some time to describe what is taking place inside your thinking when you are

experiencing the fight between your sinful nature and the spirit of God. What lies do you have a tendency to believe in the midst of the battle?

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At times it seems like the sinful nature is impossible to overcome. As Paul says in Romans 7, “I want to do right but I choose wrong.” This is incredibly frustrating as we suffer the

consequences of our behavior. Our brain seems to stop working, we are unable to reason properly, we are drawn to the reward and yet the result is frustration and shame. It is in this moment of confusion that Paul points us to the answer.

Romans 7:25, “Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.”

4) The answer is not always a new method or strategy for avoiding sin; ultimately Paul says the answer is in a relationship with the person of Jesus. Ask God to reveal himself to you in the midst of your battle with unwanted sexual behavior. Pray he may become more real and personal in your life revealing himself to you in a clear way. Use your journal to write your prayer.

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Understanding Physiology Part II

Chapter 6: The Brain’s Reward System and

Sexual Addiction

In Chapter 5’s lesson, we discussed three important parts of our brain’s reward system: the Nucleus Accumbens, the Prefrontal Cortex, and the Amygdala.• When dopamine is released to the Nucleus Accumbens, you experience that sense of pleasure associated with a given reward.• When dopamine is released to the Prefrontal Cortex, your reasoning, or your ability to think and make good decisions, is slowed down.• When dopamine is released to the Amygdala, the Amygdala remembers the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, textures, and emotions associated with acquiring a given reward.

We hope that you have taken some time to familiarize yourself with these terms and concepts. To know and understand how and why your brain and body do what they do is to have control over your behavior, instead of your behavior having control over you.

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CHAPTER 6 – DAY 11 LESSON

1) Watch the Chapter 6 Video “The Brain’s Reward System and Sexual Addiction.”

2) Jot down some new questions you may have about your brain’s reward system. Were the questions you had from Day 10’s lesson/workbook answered? If not, are you intrigued enough to learn more?

_______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________

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CHAPTER 6 – DAY 12 LESSON/WORKBOOK

Read the following workbook based off of Day 11’s lesson and fill in the blanks. While some of the answers may be easier than others, the point here is to help you remember key words, terms, or concepts.

Answers are at the end of the chapter. I. Brain’s Reward System and Addiction.

A. There are two types of addiction, _______________ and _______________. B. With chemical addiction, a substance is introduced into the body (cocaine,

methamphetamine, alcohol, etc.) that causes the brain to release neurochemicals that give you a high.

C. With behavioral addiction, there is an external stimulus (food, gambling, masturbation, pornography, sex, etc.) that causes the body to release neurochemicals that give us a high.

D. Regardless of the substance of abuse, whether chemical or behavioral, _______________ is the driving force of the high and the addiction. E. Why is it important to compare Chemical and Behavioral Addictions?

1. When we are struggling with unwanted sexual behavior, oftentimes we call it a “bad habit” when in truth it is actually more like a ____________________ problem, like struggling with alcoholic or drugs.

2. Addiction, whether chemical or behavioral, is highly _______________. This means that if you have family members or relatives who struggle with addiction, there is an increased possibility that you too may struggle with addiction.

3. Also, if chemical and behavioral addictions are similar physiologically, then the recovery processes for both are very similar.

II. The Reward System and Sexual Addiction

A. However it is that we have begun using sex as a way of managing emotions and feelings, once the brain has continually relied on acting out sexually as a way of

releasing ourselves from life’s pressures, that release is no longer just about covering up some deep psychological wound, but instead it’s about meeting the needs of the

addicted brain.

B. In other words: at some point, the desire to use our Unwanted Sexual Behavior is not just about the pleasure of doing it, but because the brain is so used to doing it that it simply cannot stop. Some professionals have called this being

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III. Triggers

A. Once the neurons in the brain have been wired to want certain sexual stimuli – like sex, porn, or masturbation – not only are they attached to the stimuli, but, as we have seen with the Amygdala, they are attached to the situations, circumstances, and tools needed to acquire the substance of abuse.

B. “Trigger” is another word for “attachment.” There are three types of triggers that may lead us to acting out: ____________________, _________________________, and _________________________.

1. Sexual Triggers1. Clearly, if the addicted brain registers something sexual through sight, hearing, touch, taste, or smell, the VTA is going to release dopamine to the three reward system areas causing a man to want to use his substance of abuse. 2. Jot down 3-5 possibilities for what might be Sexual Triggers for you:i

_______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________

3. Non-Sexual Environmental Triggers

a) Anything that has been present or has previously aided you in acting out sexually – just the sight, touch, taste, smell, or sound of those objects can trigger a

release of dopamine that may lead you to acting out.

b) Jot down 3-5 possibilities for what might be Non-Sexual Environmental Triggers for you: _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________

4. Non-Sexual Emotional Triggers

a) Whatever emotion that has led you to acting out in the past, if that emotion is present the brain can trigger a release of dopamine and, again, your reward

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b) Jot down 3-5 possibilities for what might be Non-Sexual Emotional Triggers for you: _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________

5. Journal entry ideas.

a) Looking back, can you think of anyone related to you who struggled with addiction, whether to drugs, alcohol, gambling, or sex?

b) At what age were you first exposed to sex, sexual situations, or pornography? c) Can you see how your early exposure to sex, sexual situations, or pornography

may have helped wire your brain to want the same in adulthood

CHAPTER 6 – FILL IN THE BLANKS:

1) chemical, 2) behavioral, 3) dopamine, 4) substance abuse, 5) genetic, 6) addicted to being addicted, 7) Sexual, 8) Non-Sexual Environmental, 9) Non-Sexual Emotional.

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Digging Deeper

1 John 4:4, Galatians 5:16,18,22-23,25

Focus:

Listening to the Spirit

Scripture:

1 John 4:4b“…the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the Spirit who lives in the world.”

Galatians 5:16,18,22-23,25, “So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. 18 But when you are directed by the Spirit, you are not under obligation to the law of Moses. 22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! 25 Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives.”

Do you believe the promises of the Bible? I have to ask myself this on a regular bases because often the promises don’t line up with my experiences. It is easy to doubt the promises of the Bible without really interrogating your own responsibility. Did I choose the spirit or the flesh? If I am living in the flesh then how can I expect to experience the promises of the spirit?

The bible says, “the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the Spirit who lives in the world.”

1) When is the last time you have experienced victory by the Spirit? Write out a few bullet points highlighting recent victories in your battle against the flesh.

2) I truly believe the more we listen to and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit the more we HEAR the Spirits leading. What spiritual practices can you build into your life to increase the Spirit’s guiding?

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3) The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. On a scale of 1-10 rate the fruit in your life and identify one possible action item to increase fruitfulness.

Love: Peace: Patience: Kindness: Goodness: Faithfulness: Gentleness: Self-Control:

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Understanding Physiology Part III

Chapter 7: Going Sober

Up to this point, we have discussed Unwanted Sexual Behavior, the difference between White-Knuckle and Real Change, and the Physiology of Addiction.

Today we are going to talk about…

• What needs to happen to get the brain’s reward system off of the object of its addiction: pornography, strip clubs, prostitutes, sex, etc.

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CHAPTER 7 – DAY 13 LESSON

1) Watch the Chapter 7 Video “Going Sober.”

2) Jot down 3-5 ideas on how you can love and nurture yourself through the process of going sober. Examples include going on walks, spending time with friends, or treating yourself to something joyful like a movie or a good meal.

_______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________

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CHAPTER 7 – DAY 14 LESSON/WORKBOOK

Read the following worksheet based off of Day 13’s lesson and fill in the blanks/respond to the questions. While some of the answers may be easier than others, the point here is to help you remember key words, terms, or concepts.

Answers are at the end of the chapter. I. Getting off of the object of our addiction.

A. As we have discussed, in addiction, the brain becomes very attached to the things it likes. The _______________ in the brain have strengthened themselves in such a way that they are repeatedly drawn toward the things that it is used to, in our case sex, masturbation, pornography, strip clubs, prostitutes, etc…

1. The _______________ is used to getting its dopamine fix of sexual pleasure. 2. The _______________ is used to slowing itself down so that you can get the

sexual fix you crave.

3. And the _______________ is so connected to all of the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, textures, and emotions that are associated with your Unwanted Sexual Behavior that you’re triggered to use whether you realize it or not.

B. So what do we do once our brains have changed in this way? What do we do now that our brains are “addicted to being addicted” and we have lost control of our behavior and are having difficulties living the lives we would like to live?

1. We need to __________ using the object of our addiction.

2. In stopping, those areas of the brain – the neurons – that have become “addicted to being addicted” start to heal, and if we are intentional enough, and begin engaging in doing things that are meaningful and life producing – like spending time with unconditionally loving friendships, family, church, and God – our brains will then want to do those things, instead of using sex as a compulsive way of managing our emotions.

II. What still needs to be understood?

A. In Chapter 4 we discussed the term “self-differentiation.”

B. Again, our definition of self-differentiation is an ability to see yourself as separate from those people or groups of people in your life who love you _______________, which means that they don’t just love you for who you are (warts and all), but love you only if you act or behave in a certain way.

C. It is this concept of self-differentiation that is at the core of sexual addiction: an ability to remain in relationship with other people while remaining an individual with

individual needs and desires without the need to act out sexually.

1. For some men, this process of self-differentiation is much easier than for others. Some men are capable of simply discovering that this reality of self-differentiation exists and they can create and establish boundaries between themselves and others while still remaining in relationship without acting out sexually.

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Dealing with and managing the realities of those events and the people who did them to you may be more than you are capable of doing on your own.

a) And that is why you need your _________________________.

b) As you go through the process of recovery, you need someone in your life who loves you ____________________ and is willing to take your side when other people aren’t. This is what Christ has called us to as brothers and sisters in His name. Any church worth it’s salt should have at least a few men or women who are ready, willing, and able to provide you with this kind of support.

3. But the truth is, you’re never going to get to the reality, or the

____________________ side of recovery, if you don’t go sober and begin to touch, feel, and face the areas in your life where you received, or are receiving, conditional love and then start the process of creating new places in your life where there is _______________ love.

a) This is to key to sexual addiction recovery. b) And it takes effort and it takes time.

c) As you can see, locating areas in your life where conditional love exists, and creating new centers of unconditional love, takes a great deal of reflection, and working with other people, and trusting other people.

d) This is what is going to be discussed in the remainder of our sessions: not only how to go sober and remain that way, but also how to manage all that we will find in our lives once we have gone sober.

D. Jot down 3-5 people, places, or things you know you must lose or learn to manage in your life in order to begin going sober. If helpful, return to the response you had to the question posted for Chapter 2, Day 3.IV. Jot down 3-5 wonderful new people, places, or things you could gain if you take the courageous step of becoming sober and free of your Unwanted Sexual Behavior. If helpful, return to the response you had to the question posted for Chapter 3, Day 5.

_______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________

E. Instead of, or in addition to journaling at the end of this workbook, if you haven’t already done it, gather up all of the porn you still have access to – the videos, the DVDs, the magazines, the hard drives…whatever the media the pornography is on, and break it, shred it, or burn it. Assuredly, your accountability partner can help you if you need it.

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CHAPTER 7 – FILL IN THE BLANKS:

1) neurons, 2) Nucleus Accumbens, 3) Prefrontal Cortex, 4) Amygdala, 5) stop, 6)conditionally, 7) abuse, 8) accountability partner, 9) unconditionally, 10) Real Change, 11) unconditional

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Digging Deeper

Ephesians 6:10-18

Focus:

Waging War

As we discussed in this session, Sobriety is being purposeful about avoiding the harmful behavior present our lives. Absolutely essential to recovery is waging an all out war against our harmful behavior. Continuing to participate in your sin while attempting recovery is counter-productive and will result in relapse and failure. The beginning stages of recovery may feel like white-knuckle change where you are putting a lot of attention on behavior. We know that this is not the key to long term change and freedom, but is essential in order to work through the deep-rooted cause of your addiction. So how do we wage war while walking through the process of real change?

Scripture:

Ephesians 6:10-18, “A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. 12 For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. 14 Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. 15 For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. 16 In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. 17 Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.”

1) Why do you think evil is concerned about defeating you in this battle of unwanted sexual behavior?

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2) Where does Paul point you for strength in the midst of the battle? What does the Lord possess that we often lack? (Vs. 10)

3) Similar to a military battle there are moments of chaos as well as silence. The calm before the storm allows us to reevaluate our game plan, our battle strategy, and our weapons. In your battle for purity you must evaluate the weapons being used in the battle. List the body armor and the weapons described in Ephesians 6 you will use along with the corresponding meanings.

4) Verse 13 offers an expected outcome to the battle when wearing God’s body armor. Fill in the blanks below:

“Therefore, put ____ every piece of ______ _________ so you will be able to _______ the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the __________ you ______ still be _________________ firm.”

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Abstinence Part I

Chapter 8: Sobriety Sheets, Part I: Creating a

Victorious Environment

So far we have discussed Unwanted Sexual Behavior, differentiated between White-Knuckle and Real Change, examined what happens inside the brain with addiction (physiology), and are now in the discussion of Abstinence.

Again, remember that one of our core principles in remaining on the Real Change side of our Sexual Sobriety Map is that we put sobriety first in our life and let that decision shape the course of other decisions.

While perhaps at first, in going sober, you may need to grit your teeth and White-Knuckle your sobriety until your brain heals and you gain some self-confidence, our point in abstinence, as we mentioned in chapters 4 and 5, is to discover the real reasons for why we are turning to sex as a way of meeting our needs for love instead of turning toward friends, family, community, and/or ultimately God himself.

It will be next to impossible to discover those real reasons if you continue to mask them with your Unwanted Sexual Behavior. Unfortunately, in order to fix the ruptured water line, you need to dig deep underground to find it.

Mens X3Pure

X3pure Workbook

30 Days to Purity Workshop Guide.

Table of Contents

Welcome!

5

How to use this Workshop!

6

Unwanted Sexual Behavior Part I!

6

Chapter 1: Where We Are and Where We’re Going!

7

Digging Deeper!

11

Unwanted Sexual Behavior Part II!

13

Chapter 2: Your Sexual Sobriety Map !

13

Sexual Sobriety Map !

16

Digging Deeper!

17

White Knuckle vs. Real Change Part I!

19

Chapter 3: What is Change?!

19

Digging Deeper!

22

White Knuckle vs. Real Change Part II!

24

Chapter 4: Confession and Accountability!

24

Digging Deeper!

29

Understanding Physiology Part I!

31

Chapter 5: The Brain’s Reward System!

31

Digging Deeper!

36

Understanding Physiology Part II!

38

Chapter 6: The Brain’s Reward System and Sexual Addiction!

38

Digging Deeper!

43

Understanding Physiology Part III!

45

Chapter 7: Going Sober!

45

Digging Deeper!

50

Abstinence Part I!

52

Chapter 8: Sobriety Sheets, Part I: Creating a Victorious Environment!

52

Sheet Two: “Escape Plan”!

57

Digging Deeper!

58

AbstinencePart II!

61

Chapter 9: “Escape Plan”!

61

Digging Deeper!

66

Acceptance of Conditional Love!

69

Chapter 10: “Reinventing Our Lives”!

69

Digging Deeper!

74

Pursuit of Unconditional Love Part I!

77

Chapter 11: “Recovery Target #1: Psychological Examination of Feelings”! 77

Digging Deeper!

83

Pursuit of Unconditional Love Part II!

85

Chapter 12: “Recovery Target #1: Seeking, Establishing & Engaging in