Peninsula Temple Sholom
BAR/BAT MITZVAH GUIDEBOOK
5775-5776
Rabbi Daniel J. Feder
Rabbi Lisa Delson
Daniel J. Feder Lisa Delson Rabbis Barry Reich Cantor Gerald Raiskin Founding Rabbi Sandy Silverstein Executive Director Eran Vaisben Education Director Allison Steckley Preschool Director April Glatt President August 6, 2014
Dear Bar and Bat Mitzvah Families,
Mazal tov on reaching this milestone! Becoming a bar or bat mitzvah is an exciting opportunity to mark this transitional moment in your family, and your PTS community is overjoyed to share this occasion with you.
The phrase “bar or bat mitzvah” literally means “son or daughter of the commandment,” and the bar or bat mitzvah ritual is the time when Jewish children step forward to publicly accept responsibility for their own Jewish future and for the future of our People. This is the time when young adults begin to grapple with their identities, examine their priorities, and come to understand the contributions they might make towards the process of tikkun ha'olam (repair of the world).
The course of preparation for the service supports both the bar and bat mitzvah and his or her family as you move into this new phase. Ritual is tremendously powerful in helping us to both celebrate and honor transitional moments like these in our lives. As this is a milestone and not an end-point on the Jewish journey of the bar and bat mitzvah student, we look forward to rejoicing with you as you enter a new phase of Jewish learning and exploration. There is much to look forward to as you go forward into PTS’s teen programming--confirmation and travels to Israel being among the highlights--and on into the exciting world of adult Jewish choices.
We expect that you have many questions as you begin to think about the process of becoming a bar or bat mitzvah, and we hope that this guidebook will help to answer many of them. However, after reading this guidebook, and as new questions emerge for you, please know that we are here to support you. We look forward to partnering with you as we together prepare for this significant milestone in your lives. On the journey ahead, may you discover new perspectives, new connections, and new joys!
Mazal tov,
Rabbi Daniel J. Feder Rabbi Lisa Delson Cantor Barry Reich
Peninsula Temple Sholom
1655 Sebastian Drive, Burlingame, CA 94010-5837 650.697.2266 Fax 650.697.2544 www.sholom.org
PENINSULA TEMPLE SHOLOM
BAR/BAT MITZVAH GUIDEBOOK
Table of Contents
I. Meeting Your Family’s Needs……Page 3
II. Studying with the Clergy………....Page 4
III. Participation in Temple Life……..Page 5
IV. Your Mitzvah Project………..Page 5
V. The Worship Service…………...Pages 6-7
VI. Planning Your Simcha………Pages 8-10
VII. The Week of……….Page 11
VIII. Bar/Bat Mitzvah Timeline…...Page 12
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SECTION I: MEETING YOUR FAMILY’S NEEDS
Peninsula Temple Sholom is a Reform Congregation. Our worship services reflect the
customs and philosophy of the Reform movement and encourage creativity and innovation. By attending services regularly at Peninsula Temple Sholom and other synagogues, you may find ideas for your bar/bat mitzvah service. Please discuss your ideas with Cantor Reich as early as possible.
Today, there is no universal definition of a Jewish family. Within our community are single-parent, blended, divorced, LBGT and interfaith families. In keeping with the traditions of Reform Judaism, we will help your family involve all those who choose to be involved.
Preparation for this lifecycle event raises many questions for parents and students. The entire staff is available to you for your questions. Please contact Annie O’Keeffe, the Clergy
SECTION II: STUDYING WITH THE CLERGY
Studying with Cantor Reich
Ten to twelve (10-12) months in advance of the bar/bat mitzvah service, the student begins studying with Cantor Reich. Please contact Annie O’Keeffe directly to arrange these sessions. The student should plan on practicing a minimum of 20 minutes a day. Under certain
circumstances, Cantor Reich may recommend that the student would benefit from additional private tutoring. Please speak to Cantor Reich before hiring a tutor so that he can recommend an
appropriate person and coordinate lesson schedules.
Torah and Haftarah Study with Rabbi Delson
Four to five (4-5) months prior to the bar/bat mitzvah service, the student will meet with Rabbi Delson to study the Torah and Haftarah portions. The appointments with her are approximately 45 minutes in length. Parents are expected to join the student. Please contact Annie O’Keeffe to make your appointments.
Writing Your Sermon with Rabbi Feder
Three (3) months before the bar/bat mitzvah service, the student will meet with Rabbi Feder for assistance in writing a sermon and to reflect on the meaning of the bar/bat mitzvah experience. The student meets with Rabbi Feder three times, 45 minutes each. Parents are expected to join the student. Please contact Annie O’Keeffe to make your appointments. Students are asked to be prompt for all appointments, with Rabbi Feder and Rabbi Delson and should bring all appropriate materials:
• Torah portion booklet • Pen or pencil and paper
• “Putting God on the Guest List.” Before the first meeting with Rabbi Feder, the student and parent(s) are expected to read “Putting God on the Guest List,” (parents) and “Putting
God on Your Guest List” (student).
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SECTION III. PARTICIPATION IN TEMPLE LIFE
The rabbis, cantor and temple staff work hard to make your experience meaningful and full of joy. Preparing for a bar/bat mitzvah also involves a significant commitment from the family and the student.
1. The student is expected to study and be prepared for sessions with the clergy. Students who take their preparation seriously are more likely to find meaning in the process.
2. The student must be enrolled and regularly attending, with at least 80% attendance, the PTS Religious School for three consecutive years prior to the bar/bat mitzvah. Students who attend a Jewish day school, have transferred from another religious school or have equivalent Jewish learning experience may be eligible for other arrangements. Still, Jewish day school students are strongly encouraged to enroll in the PTS Religious School in order to build peer friendships and become familiar with PTS clergy, staff, music and liturgy. Please contact Annie O’Keeffe to arrange a convenient time for you to meet with Rabbi Feder.
3. The student is required to attend twelve (12) Shabbat morning services during the year preceding the bar/bat mitzvah service, of which ten (10) will be at PTS. The more the student participates in Shabbat morning services, the greater comfort that child will have on the bimah.
SECTION IV. YOUR MITZVAH PROJECT
An important part of the bar/bat mitzvah experience is performing mitzvot all year long. PTS encourages each student to take on a long-term project which gives the student an opportunity to show his/her personal commitment to being a partner with God in the repair of the world. Projects should be selected by the student and should involve his/her own time, effort and imagination, while touching the lives of others. Eran Vaisben, Education Director, will advise 6th
SECTION V. THE WORSHIP SERVICE
The Shabbat service is the highlight of the bar/bat mitzvah weekend. The student will lead the congregation in much of the worship service, reading and singing in Hebrew and in English. The child’s participation includes reading or chanting from the Torah and Haftarah and giving a sermon related to the Torah portion.
When the student begins to work with Cantor Reich he/she will receive a personal copy of the prayer book that will be used throughout his/her preparation all the way through the service. Please keep this prayer book in the same safe location whenever it is not being used.
Parent Participation
Parents have the privilege of chanting the Torah blessings and to give a blessing to their son or daughter. This blessing should reflect on Jewish hopes and wishes for the spiritual growth of your son or daughter based on the values you hold most dear. It is helpful to use phrases such as “may you grow up to be…” or “we wish for you that.…” Each parent’s blessing should be no longer than one to two (1-2) minutes.
Aliyah to the Torah (Torah Blessings)
Reciting the Torah blessings is a special honor in the synagogue, which must be given to Jewish participants over the age of 13. One to four people (i.e., parents, grandparents, older siblings, other family members) are generally called as a group to recite the blessings. There are usually two to three aliyot [the plural of aliyah—Torah blessing], in addition to the bar/bat mitzvah who chants the blessing before reading the final portion called the maftir. Anyone ascending the bimah for an aliyah should practice ahead of time and be prepared to chant or recite the blessing fluently. Blessings are found on the Temple website at www.sholom.org. Follow links through Clergy and then Cantor Reich.
One month prior to the bar/bat mitzvah service, the family should provide Cantor Reich with the
full Hebrew names of those who will be honored with aliyot. The full Hebrew name includes the Hebrew names of the person’s father and mother. If you need help with names, please contact Annie O’Keeffe to arrange a convenient time to speak.
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Ma Tovu: Singing Ma Tovu, the opening prayer, with the bar/bat mitzvah.
From Generation to Generation (the ritual passing up of the Torah): Grandparents and parents
are called to the bimah as we take the Torah from the ark for the symbolic passing of the Torah from generation to generation. This is a non-speaking part.
Bar/Bat Mitzvah Leaflet
PTS has created a standard format for the bar/bat mitzvah leaflet. It is designed so each family can write a one or two paragraph message, and also includes the names of all the service participants. Please provide Annie O’Keeffe with your message and list of participants one month prior to the bar/bat mitzvah. You may use the attached information leaflet or ask Annie O’Keeffe to e-mail an electronic version to you. PTS will provide the paper on which the leaflet is printed.
Ushers
The bar/bat mitzvah family should arrange for four ushers who are PTS members, two of whom must be adults. Ushers should arrive by 10 AM. The adult ushers are to assist people with seating and maintaining decorum throughout the service. The youth ushers are charged with handing out the bar/bat mitzvah leaflet, kippot and tallitot. Ushers should stay at the entrance to the sanctuary until ten (10) minutes into the service to greet latecomers.
Board of Trustees Representative
A current or past member of the Board of Trustees presents a certificate and gifts to the bar/bat mitzvah. You may select the representative or a representative will be provided for you. Please coordinate with Annie O’Keeffe one month in advance.
Worship Service Attire
Proper attire for boys is a nice pair of slacks, shirt and tie, along with dress shoes. For girls, a modest dress, skirt, or slacks with a nice blouse and sensible comfortable dress shoes is appropriate.
Girls’ as well as women’s shoulders should be covered with their dress, jacket or shawl when on the bimah. When a tallit is worn, it should be worn over covered shoulders, not as a cover-up.
Throwing Candy
SECTION VI. PLANNING YOUR SIMCHA (Celebration)
Reserving the Facility
Membership Services Coordinator Beverly Rochelle will be your primary contact for facility related issues. Please give a list of all vendors that you will be using for your event, and include their contact information to Beverly Rochelle. Please have all of your vendors contact Beverly Rochelle for insurance requirements. All vendors must provide certificate of insurance thirty (30) days prior to the date of your event.
At least one year in advance, contact Beverly Rochelle to discuss your preliminary plans for Friday night Shabbat, Shabbat morning, and your afternoon or evening reception. You have priority for the use of the Temple Social Hall for your luncheon and/or reception up until twelve months in advance. Should you not reserve the facility by twelve months in advance, PTS cannot guarantee that the Social Hall will be available If you know before then that you do not plan to use the Social Hall, please let Beverly Rochelle know so that the room may be made available for other purposes.
One month prior to the date, provide Beverly Rochelle with all vendor certificates of insurance. Three to four months prior to the date, contact Beverly Rochelle again. She will guide you through logistical preparations for Shabbat evening, Shabbat morning and your Temple reception. Two weeks prior to the date, provide Beverly Rochelle with a diagram of required tables and chairs for all the events you plan to host: Friday night Shabbat dinner, Kiddush luncheon and/or your afternoon or evening reception.
Shabbat Evening Service
The celebration of this special Shabbat in your family’s life begins on Shabbat Eve (i.e. Friday evening). At that time, the congregation is able to share your joy. Making the bar/bat mitzvah a complete Shabbat experience can also enhance its meaning for the student and the family. We strongly encourage you to participate in Friday evening Shabbat services. The Saturday bar/bat mitzvah family is invited to share the bimah with the clergy and recite the candle lighting, Kiddush and Motzi blessings. One month in advance, please provide Annie O’Keeffe, with the names of the
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Bulletin Article
In the month of or prior to the bar/bat mitzvah date, an article about the student will be published in the temple’s Bulletin. Students are encouraged to write their own articles in their own words. Articles are due for submission on the 10th of the month prior to its printing. For example,
articles for a June Bulletin are due on May 10th. Please email the small .jpg photo and bio to Annie
O’Keeffe. The bio should be written by the student and include: • Who they would like to thank
• What school they attend and their grade
• What their b’nai mitzvah project is and what they learned from it • What becoming a bar/bat mitzvah means to them.
Tree of Life
We encourage families to purchase a pomegranate in honor of the bar/bat mitzvah for the Tree of Life at the entrance to the synagogue. If you wish to order a pomegranate, you may do so when you meet with Beverly Rochelle.
Flowers
PTS will provide a seasonal beautiful floral arrangement for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah family. The flowers will be non-allergenic. Do we want to include something here about how people can choose the colors? I’m not sure what the procedure is, but families do have input, right?
Photography and Videography
Please have your photographer and videographer contact Beverly Rochelle for insurance requirements. Please be certain to inform them of the following PTS guidelines:
• Family pictures are permitted before services, if completed before 9:30 am. • Pictures with the clergy may be posed immediately following the service.
• Still photographs are permitted. However, we ask that you follow these guidelines: Please instruct your photographer to take only a few discreet photos during the service. He/she must stand in the corner closest to the soundboard in the sanctuary. Your photographer must be unobtrusive, non-distracting and silent while taking only a few photos.
Reception
A bar/bat mitzvah reception is an extension of the celebration which begins on Shabbat. We encourage families to plan receptions which elevate the Jewish experience. For example, if you hold an evening reception, it is beautiful to begin with a short Havdallah service. Maintaining the bar/bat mitzvah and Jewish values as the primary themes can deepen the family’s experience. We discourage lavish celebrations that are out of touch with the true meaning of the day. It is the custom of PTS for the bar/bat mitzvah to invite his/her classmates from Religious School to the service and reception.
Caterer
Although the congregation does not recommend any specific caterer, Beverly Rochelle can provide suggestions. The temple has the right to determine if a caterer is acceptable to work on our premises. The caterer will be asked to sign a contract and provide necessary documentation.
DIETARY RULES
Menus must be sent to Beverly Rochelle at least 30 days prior to the event for review. • No pork products may be served.
• No shellfish may be served. This includes shrimp, scallops, lobster, and crab. • No cooking of milk and meat together.
o Milk is not to be cooked with meat, i.e., no dairy may be served in the same dish with meat (e.g., meat lasagna; cheeseburgers).
o Chicken is considered meat; therefore, no chicken and cheese may be served in the same dish.
No Smoking Policy
PTS is a smoke free work environment. Smoking is not permitted on Temple grounds, inside or outside.
Invitations
Invitations are typically sent out six to eight weeks in advance. Please be certain that Peninsula Temple Sholom’s name and address are correct. Advise your guests that services begin on time and that the celebrant participates in the service from the very beginning. You may wish to use the following phrase on your invitations “Seating at 10:15, Service begins promptly at 10:30.”
When inviting guests to a bar/bat mitzvah service for Saturday morning, we encourage families to invite them also to the Friday evening service.
Starr * Stevens Judaica Shop
Sholom Women’s Starr * Stevens Judaica Shop is an ideal place to visit when planning your simcha [celebration]. You will find much of what you need, including a tallit, and personalized kippot
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SECTION VII. THE WEEK OF
The final session with Cantor Reich takes place on the Sunday immediately preceding the bar/bat mitzvah ceremony, usually in the mid-afternoon. It is a complete run-through of the service, including the sermon. The entire immediate family should be present.
On Saturday morning, the bar/bat mitzvah should plan to be in Cantor Reich’s study at 9:30 am, for a final review of the service and for any last minute questions. At 10:10 am, the immediate family should go to Rabbi Feder’s study. Please do not use this time to socialize with family and friends. The clergy will meet you there for a blessing before the service begins. This is a special time together for your family to ready yourselves for the service.
The service will conclude at approximately 12:30 pm. Kiddush and Motzi will be recited from the bimah.
VIII. BAR/BAT MITZVAH TIMELINE
TASK
TIME PRIOR TO
SERVICE
COMPLETED
DATE
Attend at least 12 Shabbat Services (10 at PTS) during the year
preceding the bar/bat Mitzvah 1 year
Schedule a meeting with Beverly Rochelle to review
administrative and facility rental 1 year
Schedule Bar/Bat Mitzvah training with Cantor Reich, call Annie
O’Keeffe for scheduling 11-12 months
Begin Bar/Bat Mitzvah training with Cantor Reich, call Annie
O’Keeffe for scheduling 10-12 months
Cohort Meetings 7-10 months
Begin Mitzvah project, contact Eran Vaisben 6 months
Schedule 3 appointments to study Torah and Haftarah portion with Rabbi Delson, and 3 appointments with Rabbi Feder to work on sermon, call Annie O’Keeffe for scheduling
5 months
Begin Bar/Bat Mitzvah training with Rabbi Delson 4-5 months
Begin sermon writing with Rabbi Feder 3 months
Provide photo and brief bio for Temple bulletin to Annie
O’Keeffe On the 10
th of the
month prior (ie: Jan 10 for Feb bulletin) Ensure all Temple financial obligations are met, with Sandy
Silverstein 2months
Select representative from Board of Trustees and tell Beverly
Rochelle 2 months
Prepare Shabbat Leaflet Info Sheet and return to Annie
O'Keeffe 1-2 months
Select your ushers including 2 adults and 2 children 1 month Complete service information sheet and return to Annie
O’Keeffe 1 month
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Bar/Bat Mitzvah Leaflet Information Sheet for Peninsula Temple Sholom
Full name of Bar/Bat Mitzvah: ________________________________Date of Bar/Bat Mitzvah: ____________ Hebrew transliterated name of Bar/Bat Mitzvah (see the Rabbis if help is needed):
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Ushers (Must be members of the PTS community) (2 Adults – required for supervision):
___________________________________________________________________________________________ (2 Youth): __________________________________________________________________________________
Mah Tovu, page 74: _________________________________________________________________________
Yismechu (optional)__________________________________________________________________________ Avodah Prayer, English Reading, page 137 (up to 4 readers): _________________________________________ Sim Shalom (optional):________________________________________________________________________ Oseh Shalom (optional):_______________________________________________________________________ First Ark Opening and Closing, Page 244 (up to 4 participants): _______________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Passing of the Torah (L’dor Vador) (names of family members representing the transmission of the Torah from
generation to generation: Jewish grandparents; both parents, whether they are Jewish or not):
___________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________
First Aliyah Torah Blessings, page 250, (up to 6 participants):_________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
1st Aliyah Reader: ___________________________________________________________________________
Second Aliyah Torah Blessings, page 250, (up to 6 participants): ______________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Third Aliyah Torah Blessings, page 250, (up to 6 participants): ________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
3rd Aliyah Reader:____________________________________________________________________________
Fourth Aliyah (the Maftir) (Name of the bar/bat mitzvah):___________________________________________ Torah Dresser (Jewish family member or friend):__________________________________________________ Torah Holder (Jewish family member or friend): ___________________________________________________ Second Ark Opening and Closing, Page 256 (up to 4 participants): _____________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Aleinu Ark Opening and Closing, Page 282 (up to 4 participants): _____________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Congregational Presentation (Board of Trustees representative who presents gifts):______________________ Mitzvah Project:_____________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________ Number of Guests expected at service: __________________________________________________________ Choose one color for the leaflet:
Ivory, White, Confetti, Lt. Blue, Lt. Green, Lt. Pink, Marbled Ivory, Marbled Lt. Blue
Welcome paragraph: Please include welcome paragraph to your guests. Attach a separate sheet if necessary.
