The Gift of Being Yourself By David G. Benner - EXCERPT

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The Sacred Call to Self-Discovery

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The Spiritual Journey

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hen applied to the spiritual life, the metaphor of ahen applied to the spiritual life, the metaphor of a

jou

journerney y is is botboth h helhelpfupful l and and somesomewhawhat t mismislealeadinding.g.

Helpfully it reﬂects the fact that the essence of spirituality is a

process—speciﬁcally, a process of transformation. Unhelpfully it

obscures the fact that we are already what we seek and where we

long to arrive—speciﬁcally, in God. Once we realize this, the

nature of the journey reveals itself to be more one of awakening

than accomplishment, more one of spiritual awareness than

spir-itual achievement.

itual achievement.

Tere a

Tere are, hre, howeverowever, two ver, two very y good good reasons to reasons to describe describe the spithe spir-

r-itual life

itual life in terms of in terms of a journeya journey. . First, First, it ﬁts well it ﬁts well with our expwith our experience.erience.

W

We are e are aware that aware that the self the self that begins that begins the spirithe spiritual joutual journey is rney is notnot

the same as the one that ends it. Te changes in identity and

con-sciousness—how we understand what it means to be me and our

sciousness—how we understand what it means to be me and our

inner experience of passing through life—are both suﬃ

inner experience of passing through life—are both suﬃciently pro-ciently

pro-found as to

found as to be best described be best described as transformational. as transformational. Te same is trTe same is trueue

for the changes in our capacity for love and the functioning of our

will and desires.

Te

Te second second reason reason is is that that the the spiritual spiritual journey journey involves involves followingfollowing

a path. Much more than adopting a set

a path. Much more than adopting a set of beliefof beliefs, s, a path is a a path is a practicepractice

or set of practices that will characterize our whole life. Following

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this path is the way we participate in our transformation. It is the

way we journey into God and,

way we journey into God and, as we do, as we do, discover that all along wediscover that all along we

have already been

have already been in God. It is the way in God. It is the way our identitour identityy, , consciousnessconsciousness

and life become grounded in ou

and life become grounded in our self-in-God and God’s self-in-us.r self-in-God and God’s self-in-us.

Christian spirituality is taking on the mind and heart of Christ

as we recognize Christ as the deepest truth of our being. It is

ac-tualizing the Christ who is in us. It is becoming fully and deeply

tualizing the Christ who is in us. It is becoming fully and deeply

human.

human. It is experiencing and It is experiencing and responding to the world through theresponding to the world through the

mind and heart of God as we align ourselves with God’s

transfor-mational agenda of making all things new in Christ. It is

mational agenda of making all things new in Christ. It is

partici-pating in the very life of God.

pating in the very life of God.

Tis

Tis tritriloglogy y descdescribribes es the the foufoundandationtional al ChrChristiistian an pracpractice tice ofof

surrender, how this practice emerges as a response to Perfect

Love, and the changes this produces in our identity, will and

deepest desires. Each of the three books focuses on one of these

strands while i

strands while interweaving nterweaving it with it with the others. the others. ogether they serogether they serveve

as a manual for walking the spiritual path as God’s heart and

mind slowly but truly become our own. Te Spiritual Journey

trilogy includes:

Surrender to Love: Discovering the Heart of Christian Spirituality

Te Gift of

Te Gift of Being YBeing Yourself: ourself: Te Sacred Te Sacred Call to Self-Discovery Call to Self-Discovery

Desiring God’s Will: Aligning Our Hearts with the Heart of God

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The Sacred Call to Self-Discovery

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Foreword by Foreword by M. B�� P�� M. B�� P�� Expanded Expanded Edition Edition

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Benner, David G.

Benner, David G. Te gift of being

Te gift of being yourself : the sacred call yourself : the sacred call to self-discovery / Dato self-discovery / David G. Benner. vid G. Benner. -- Expanded Edition-- Expanded Edition pages cm. --

pages cm. -- (Te spir(Te spiritual journey)itual journey) Includes bibliographical references. Includes bibliographical references. ISBN ��-�-��-��-� (pbk. : alk. ISBN ��-�-��-��-� (pbk. : alk. paper)paper) �.

�. Spiritual life--Christianity. Spiritual life--Christianity. �. �. Self-realization--Religious aspects--Christianity. Self-realization--Religious aspects--Christianity. I. I. itle.itle. BV��.�.B�� BV��.�.B�� .�--dc�� .�--dc�� P P _��_�� _��_�� _��_�� _��_�� _��_�� _��_�� _��_�� _��_�� _��_�� _��_�� _��_�� _��_�� _�_� _�_� _�_� _�_� _�_� _�_� _�_� _�_� _�_� Y Y _{�� }_{�� }

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Foreword

by Dom M. Basil Penning

ton, OSCO

I

number reading Dr. David Benner’s previous volume,number reading Dr. David Benner’s previous volume, Sur-

Sur-render to Love,

render to Love, among the great graces of my life among the great graces of my life.. Now the Now the

doctor gifts us with another slim, powerful volume. Benner’s

writing is

writing is powerful powerful here, here, as as elsewhere, elsewhere, because because it it comes comes out out of of deepdeep

personal experience that he courageously shares with his readers.

He wri

He writes credibly of tes credibly of God because, as he says, God because, as he says, he knows God, andhe knows God, and

“God is the only context in which [our] being makes sense.” And

again, in his eminently practical and compassionate way, Benner

shows us step by step how to enter into the wisdom he shares.

One of the retirement projects I had assigned myself (when

retirement was far oﬀ!) was to take in the rich insights of some of

the great theological thinkers of our times—Bernard Lonergan,

Pierre eilhard de Chardin, John Dunne—and re-present them

in simpler terms that would make them more readily accessible to

the ordinary reader so that they could impact his or her life.

Wit

Without hout realizing realizing it, Davit, David id Benner Benner has has done done something something of of this,this,

making accessible to us in a most readable but no less rich text

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

   G G   B B YY

some of the exciti

some of the exciting insight of ng insight of eilhard de Chaeilhard de Chardin—I think herdin—I think herere

especially of

especially of Te Divine Milieu.Te Divine Milieu. Te all-pervasive immanence of Te all-pervasive immanence of

God, who ever brings us forth in his creative love and is with us

in all we do,

in all we do, is given immediis given immediate pastoraate pastoral signiﬁcance. Reading thisl signiﬁcance. Reading this

volume,

volume, one’s one’s mind mind cannot cannot but but jump jump forforward ward to to embraciembracing ng thethe

sacredness of all human life with its practical implications in

regard to abortion, so-called mercy killing, the death penalty,

weaponr

weaponry ay and wnd warar, ecological , ecological care care so so that that our our planet planet will will sustainsustain

the next generati

the next generations, ons, and the appropriand the appropriate sharing of what we nowate sharing of what we now

have to sustain life in

have to sustain life in this generation.this generation.

Some will also perceive that Benner is giving us a ver

Some will also perceive that Benner is giving us a very enrichingy enriching

companion text for what is probably the most powerful spiritual

program de

program developed veloped in the in the last centurlast centuryy, the , the welve-Step welve-Step Program,Program,

now adapted to so many of our d

now adapted to so many of our deepest ills. eepest ills. Any older person withAny older person with

the insight that comes with years and especially retirement ﬁnds

himself convicted of having in some ways lived the “lie that grew

from the soil of self-ignorance.”

Te

Te doctor doctor assails assails us us again again and and again again with with one-liners one-liners that that hithit

home with painful accuracy. Startling sentences jump out to

in-scribe themselves in our memory and continuously call us forth

scribe themselves in our memory and continuously call us forth

into truth:

Our challenge is to unmask the Divine in the natural and

name the presence of God in our lives.

Created from love, of love and for love, our existence makes

no sense apart from Divine love.

If God loves and accepts you as a sinner, how can you do less?

Self-acceptance always precedes genuine self-surrender and

self-transformation.

W

We e beliebelieve ve we we know know how how to to take take care care of of our our needs needs betterbetter

than God.

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Foreword

Foreword 

W

We all tend to fashion a god who ﬁts our falsitye all tend to fashion a god who ﬁts our falsity..

W

We do e do not find our not find our true self true self by seeking it. Ratherby seeking it. Rather, , we find itwe find it

by seeking God.

Jesus

Jesus is this the e rue Self rue Self who who shows shows us us by by his his life how life how to ﬁto ﬁnd nd ourour

self in relation to God.

Our happiness is important to God.

—just to list

—just to list a few.a few.

Tis

Tis is is a a very chvery challenging allenging book. book. If If we we do do listen listen to to it it fully fully and and seekseek

to implem

to implement it in our lifent it in our life, e, it will leit will lead to a transfad to a transformationormation. . Tat willTat will

mean the death of our carefully cultivated false self. Tis hurts, to

say the very least. If I were sinless, the perfect image of God, I

could know the God of love. But knowing myself as the sinner

enables me to

enables me to know something more: a God of mercy—somethingknow something more: a God of mercy—something

greater, for love responds to what is good and lovable; mercy

re-sponds to what is not good

sponds to what is not good and makes it good and and makes it good and lovable, lovable, the giftthe gift

of being myself.

David’s book has just begun to do its work within me. I shall

spend many hours with it, hours that I trust will be very fruitful.

And I hope that will be your experience also.

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four

Knowing Yourself as

Y

ou

Rea

lly Are

K

nowing the depths of Godnowing the depths of God’’s personal love for each s personal love for each of us asof us as

individuals is the foundation of

individuals is the foundation of all genuine self-knowledge.all genuine self-knowledge.

But there is yet more to be learned from reﬂecting on how God

knows us.

Te

Te seself lf ththat at GoGod d pepersrsisistetentntly ly loloveves s is is nonot t my my preprettttieied-d-upup

pretend self but my actual self—the real me. But, master of

delusion that I am, I have trouble penetrating my web of

self-deceptions and knowing this real me. I continually confuse it

deceptions and knowing this real me. I continually confuse it

wi

with th somsome e ideideal al selself tf that hat I wI wish ish I wI were.ere.

Te roots of our pr

Te roots of our pretend self lie in our chetend self lie in our childhood discovery thatildhood discovery that

we

we can can secure secure love love by by presenting ourselves presenting ourselves in in the the most most ﬂatteringﬂattering

light.

light. A little girl hidA little girl hides her hatred of her brother because she knowses her hatred of her brother because she knows

that she should love hi

that she should love him. m. Tis lack of integrTis lack of integrity is then reinforced byity is then reinforced by

her parents, who commend her lo

her parents, who commend her loving behavioving behaviorr. . A young bA young boy deniesoy denies

his resentment after he

his resentment after he fails to get something he fails to get something he desires. desires. In so doing,In so doing,

he takes a step toward a loss of awareness of what he i

he takes a step toward a loss of awareness of what he is really feeling.s really feeling.

In short,

In short, we learn to fake iwe learn to fake it, t, appeariappearing as we think imporng as we think important otherstant others

want us t

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

   G G   B B YY

Tis

Tis may may all all seem seem quite quite innocent. innocent. However, it However, it sheds sheds its its inno-

inno-cence when we lose touch with our actual expe

cence when we lose touch with our actual experience, rience, because thisbecause this

always involves a diminishment of our grounding in reality.

Toma

Tomas s MerMerton ton warwarns, ns, ““Tere Tere is is no no greagreater ter disdisastaster er in in thethe

spiritual life than to be immersed in unreality, for life is

main-tained and nour

tained and nourished in us by our viished in us by our vital relation with realittal relation with realityy.”.”11_Te_Te

truly spiritual life is not an escape from reality but a total

com-mitment to it.

mitment to it.

Most of us are quite willing to embrace reality when it ﬁts with

how we see ourselves and the world, and when it is not overly

unpleasant. However, when our life experiences confront us with

things about ourselves that we are unwilling to accept, we call on

psychological defense mechanisms to help maintain a sense of

safety and stability. While these unconscious strategies help with

short-term coping, they block long-term growth. Tis is because

they distort

they distort realityreality. . UltimatelyUltimately, , their function is their function is to protect uto protect us fs fromrom

unpleasant truth.

Te

Te human human capacicapacity ty for for self-deceself-deception ption is is astoundastounding. Tis ing. Tis isis

taught by Scripture (

taught by Scripture (Jeremiah :) and conﬁrmed by psyJeremiah :) and conﬁrmed by psychologychology..

Some pe

Some people are ople are highly skilled highly skilled in deceiving in deceiving others. others. HoweverHowever, , theirtheir

duplicity pales in comparison with the endlessly creative ways in

which each and every one of us deceives our self.

Self-deception occurs automatically. Tis is part of what

psy-chologists mean when they say that the defense mechanisms

chologists mean when they say that the defense mechanisms

op-erate in the unconscious. It is also part of what theologians mean

erate in the unconscious. It is also part of what theologians mean

when

when they they speak speak of of originaoriginal l sin. Wsin. We e dondon’’t t really really have have to to choosechoose

self-deception. It is—to use contemporary computer jargon—the

default option.

W

We e are are usually usually quite quite adept adept at at identifying identifying self-decself-deception eption in in others.others.

In someone else we easily see a rigid embrace of niceness at the

expense of any

expense of any acknowledgment of anger or acknowledgment of anger or resentment. resentment. Tis is theTis is the

defense mechanism of

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Knowing Yourself as You Really Are

Knowing Yourself as You Really Are  

feeling or impulse is eliminated from awareness by our expression

of its opposite. In another person we identify a

of its opposite. In another person we identify a rationalizationrationalization

when

when they they give give a a good good reason reason for for their their behavior behavior but but not not the the realreal

reason. In yet someone else, a simple

reason. In yet someone else, a simple denial denial of feelings that are of feelings that are

obviously present illustrates the most basic form of self-deception

that exists.

Recognizing these same things in ourselves is much more

dif-ﬁcult.

ﬁcult. Te penetration of Te penetration of our delusions is eour delusions is enormously challenging.normously challenging.

It requires a relentless commitment to truth and a deep sense of

freedom from fear of rejection. Nothing facilitates this like the

knowledge of being deeply loved.

Spiritual tra

Spiritual transformation involves the puriﬁcatinsformation involves the puriﬁcation of sight. on of sight. JesusJesus

said that if our eye is healthy, our whole body will be full of light

(Luke :). We have to learn to see—and accept—what is really

there. Stripping away our illusions is part of this process, as it

re-orients us toward reality. o see God as God is—not as who we

orients us toward reality. o see God as God is—not as who we

want

want God God to to be—requires that be—requires that we we see see our our self self as as we we actually actually are.are.

For the same cloud of illusions obscures our vie

For the same cloud of illusions obscures our view of both God andw of both God and

ourselves.

K Y   S K Y   S

Knowing ourselves as we really are inevitably brings us up against

what

what the the Bible Bible calls calls sin. sin. It It doesn’doesn’t t take take much much self-awaself-awareness reness toto

recognize that there are some very basic things about us that are

not as they

not as they should be. should be. Let me Let me speak for speak for myself. myself. I do things I do things I do notI do not

want to

want to do do and seem and seem incapable incapable of of doing odoing other things ther things that I that I wishwish

to do. I seem to be programmed for selﬁshness and egocentricity,

not love.

not love. If I am honest, I must admit that my motivation is If I am honest, I must admit that my motivation is nevernever

as pure or noble as I wish it to appear. My ability to realize my

potential as a person made in God’s image seems to be sabotaged

by some inner agenda over which I have no control. Tis is an

important part of what it means to be a sinner.

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

   G G   B B YY

Daily experience impresses upon me the painful fact that my

heart has listened to the serpent instead of God. As James Finley

says with brutal honesty, “Tere is something in me that puts on

ﬁg leaves of concealment, kills my brother, builds towers of

con-fusion,

fusion, and brings and brings cosmic chaos upon cosmic chaos upon the earth. the earth. Tere is somethingTere is something

in me that loves darkness rather than light, that rejects God and

thereby rejects my own deepest reality as a human person made in

the image and likeness of God.”

the image and likeness of God.”22

Some Christians base their identity on being a sinner. I think

they have i

they have it wrong—or only t wrong—or only half right. Yhalf right. You are ou are not simply not simply a sinner;a sinner;

you are

you are a deeply loved sinnera deeply loved sinner. . And there And there is all the diﬀerence is all the diﬀerence in thein the

world between the two.

Sin is a corollary to our primary status as greatly loved children

of God. First we were loved into being, created in the good and

sinless image of our

sinless image of our Creator God. ACreator God. And although sin damand although sin damaged thatged that

which had been utte

which had been utterly good, it allowed us to rly good, it allowed us to discover that Goddiscover that God’’ss

love is

love is directed toward us directed toward us just as we just as we are, are, as sinners. as sinners. Te sequence iTe sequence iss

important. We must never confuse the secondary fact with the

primary truth.

Real knowing of ourselves can only occur after we are convinced

that we are deeply

that we are deeply loved precisely as we are. loved precisely as we are. Te fact that God lovesTe fact that God loves

and knows us as sinners makes it possible for us to know and love

our self

our self as sinner. as sinner. It all It all starts with starts with knowing God’s love.knowing God’s love.

For it to be meaningful, knowing ourselves as sinners must

in- volve more

volve more than knowing than knowing that we that we commit certain commit certain sins. sins. Sin is Sin is moremore

basic than what

basic than what we do. we do. Sin is Sin is who we are. In this regard we couldwho we are. In this regard we could

say that sin is fundamentally a matter of ontology (being), not

simpl

simply moray morality. lity. o be a ho be a human iuman is to be s to be a sinnea sinnerr. . It is tIt is to be broko be broken,en,

damaged goods that carry within our deepest self a fundamental,

fatal ﬂaw—a ﬂaw that masks our original creation goodness and

infects our very being.

If all we know about ourse

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Knowing Yourself as You Really Are 

self-understanding remains superﬁcial. Focusing on sins leads to

what Dallas

what Dallas Willard describes as the Willard describes as the gospel of gospel of sin managementsin management33——

a resolve to avoid sin and strategies to deal with guilt when this

inevitably proves unsuccessful. But Christian spiritual

transfor-mation is much more radical

mation is much more radical than sin avoidance. than sin avoidance. And the knowingAnd the knowing

of self that is required for such transformation is much deeper.

Knowing our sinfulness becomes most helpful when we get

behind sins to our core sin tendencies. N

behind sins to our core sin tendencies. Now we shift our focus fow we shift our focus fromrom

behavior to the heart.

G B S  S G B S  S

Stuart was a pastor who ca

Stuart was a pastor who came to me for psychotherapy for a sexualme to me for psychotherapy for a sexual

addiction.

addiction. He felt tremendously guiltHe felt tremendously guilty about his longstanding usey about his longstanding use

of pornography but also felt totally helpless to change it. After

years of

years of confessing his confessing his sin, praying for help sin, praying for help and then and then falling bacfalling backk

into old habits, he had concluded that he must leave the ministry.

His bishop had encouraged him to see me before making a ﬁnal

decision.

decision. In desperation, and with verIn desperation, and with very little y little hope, hope, he agreed.he agreed.

Our work together took Stuart down a dark and diﬃcult path

of self-understanding. Behind the sexual addiction we discovered

a longing for intimacy, not a reservoir of lust. His marriage

pro- vided as

vided as much much genuine intimacy genuine intimacy as as he he could tolerate, could tolerate, but but in in fantasyfantasy

he sought ways of experiencing intimacy that did not make the

demands on him of a real relationship. More important, however,

we

we discovered discovered a a high high degree degree of of resentment aresentment and nd a a strong sense strong sense ofof

entitlement.

entitlement. As we explored this, he became aware of a As we explored this, he became aware of a feeling thatfeeling that

he deserved

he deserved something better than he was experiencing. It was thissomething better than he was experiencing. It was this

that ultimately led us to his core sin tendency—pride.

At

At root, Stuart root, Stuart was was deeply deeply bitter bitter that that no no one one recognized recognized howhow

special he was. As we explored this feeling, he was able to trace it

back to childhood. He had felt overlooked i

back to childhood. He had felt overlooked in his large family of sin his large family of sixx

siblings. He had been the responsible one who took care of

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ev-

   G G   B B YY

eryone else, but no one seemed to

eryone else, but no one seemed to appreciate him foappreciate him for this. r this. He hadHe had

also been the one with the most marked accomplishments, but

again, no one seemed to take any special note of this fact.

Stuart had learned to cover his resentment over his unnoticed

specialness with a mask of false humility. But beneath this lay a

smoldering ﬁre of bitterness. Pride suggested that he deserved

special trea

special treatment. tment. WheWhen he didn’n he didn’t get this, he withdrew in t get this, he withdrew in hurt andhurt and

anger. Tis, in turn, led to a sense of being cut oﬀ and deprived of

intimacy. And this was behind his attraction to pornography.

Discovering that he

Discovering that he longed for intimaclonged for intimacyy, , not simply not simply sexual grat-sexual

grat-iﬁcation, was not in itself transformational for Stuart. However,

iﬁcation, was not in itself transformational for Stuart. However,

accepting the emotionally needy little boy who longed for and yet

feared loving embrace was. Confronting the depths of his pride

and sense of entitlement was enormously diﬃcult. But Stuart

began to ﬁnd f

began to ﬁnd freedom only when he accepted himself as he foundreedom only when he accepted himself as he found

himself to be accepted by God—in the midst of his sin.

Stuart illustrates how genuine acceptance brings clarity and

dis-cernment about the nature of our problems. For years he had

cernment about the nature of our problems. For years he had

sought to crucify his

sought to crucify his sexual desires, sexual desires, being convinced that they werebeing convinced that they were

the core of

the core of his problem. But rather than crucifying his problem. But rather than crucifying his sexualithis sexualityy, , hehe

needed to embrace it, hospitably receiving this very important par

needed to embrace it, hospitably receiving this very important partt

of himself and thus allowing it to be integrated within the fabric

of the total

of the total self. self. He needed to He needed to welcome back this wayward parwelcome back this wayward part oft of

self that had become wild and untamed f

self that had become wild and untamed from so many years in exile.rom so many years in exile.



reated reated like like the the enemyenemy, , his his sexuality had sexuality had begun begun to to function function like like thethe

enemy

enemy. . But once he aBut once he accepteccepted that he wd that he was not a seas not a sexual moxual monster, nster, justjust

a normal male with normal sexual needs, his sexual needs seemed

to recede in

to recede in strength and prominence.strength and prominence.

Discovering our core sin tendencies is helpful because it lets us

deal with ou

deal with our problems at their r problems at their root. root. But even more than But even more than this, this, it isit is

helpful because discover

helpful because discovery of our core sin tendencies will inevitablyy of our core sin tendencies will inevitably

ﬁll us with such despair and hopelessness that we will have no

(17)

Knowing Yourself as You Really Are 

option but to turn to God. Spiritual transformation doe

option but to turn to God. Spiritual transformation does not results not result

from ﬁxing our problems. It results from turning to God in the

midst of

midst of them and them and meeting God meeting God just as just as we are. we are. urning to urning to God isGod is

the core of p

the core of prayerrayer. . urning to urning to God in ouGod in our sin and shamr sin and shame is the heae is the heartrt

of spiritual transformation.

Te

Te most most important important part part of of my my work work with with Stuart Stuart was was helpinghelping

him feel f

him feel free enough from judgment to risk honesty and awareness.ree enough from judgment to risk honesty and awareness.

Some of his discoveries about himself made him immediately feel

hopeful.

hopeful. He felt that way He felt that way as he began to as he began to understand the nonsexualunderstand the nonsexual

nature of his addiction to pornography. Seeing it in a completely

new light gave him new optimism as it suggested a new way to

approach what had become an intractable problem. But other

dis-coveries—pa

coveries—particularrticularly his new awareness of ly his new awareness of his sense of entitlementhis sense of entitlement

and the core of pride—left him feeling utterly overwhelmed,

hu-miliated and hopeless. Tese things seemed to come from a place

miliated and hopeless. Tese things seemed to come from a place

so deep within himself that he despaired of ever being able to do

anything to ﬁx them.

Tis

Tis insight insight was was truly truly a a gift. For gift. For it it allowed allowed him him to to meet meet GodGod

where

where God God was was already already waiting waiting to to meet meet him—in him—in the the core core of of hishis

brokenness and sin.

A

A AA  A A   DD K K    OO S S

One tool that many people have found helpful in identify

One tool that many people have found helpful in identifying basicing basic

sin tendencies is an ancient approach to understanding personality

called the Enneagram

called the Enneagram44_{(pronounced “any-a-gram”). Unlike clas-}_{(pronounced “any-a-gram”). Unlike}

clas-siﬁcations of personality that are based on traits,

siﬁcations of personality that are based on traits,55_{the organizing}_{the organizing}

principle of the Enneagram is deeper and less attractive. It zeroes

in on the fatal ﬂaw, or basic sin, of each of nine personality types.

No one should work with the Enneagram if what they seek is

ﬂattery. But no one should fail to do so if what they seek is deep

knowing of self.

Our sinfulness is ne

(18)



   G G   B B YY

the assumption behind the Enneagram is that underlying

every-thing we do is one major temptation that is particular to us. And

thing we do is one major temptation that is particular to us. And

until we see it for what it is, we will inevitably give in to this

temp-tation and live in bondage to it.

tation and live in bondage to it.

Te

Te core sicore sins ins identiﬁed dentiﬁed by the by the Enneagram Enneagram are are each each associatedassociated

with

with a cora core need.e need.66_{Te needs are basic huma}_{Te needs are basic huma}_{n needs, such as a need}_{n needs, such as a need}

for love, for security or for perfection. Te sin consists in making

these something of ultimate value—that is, making them into God.

•

• Ones need Ones need to be to be perfect and, perfect and, discoverdiscovering that ing that neither they neither they nornor

anything else in their world is perfect, are tempted by

self-righteous anger

righteous anger. . A good biblical A good biblical example of this example of this type type is Paul.is Paul.

•

• wos need wos need to be to be loved and needed, loved and needed, and their competence inand their competence in

making this happen sets them up for pride. Martha is a good

biblical example of a wo.

•

• Trees need Trees need to be to be successful and successful and are tempted are tempted to deceit, to deceit, as theyas they

do whatever they have to do to avoid failure and appear in the

best possible light. Jacob illustrates this type.

•

• Fours Fours need to be need to be special and are special and are tempted toward entempted toward envyvy, , escapistescapist

fantasy and a compromise of authenticity. Joseph, the Old

es-tament patriarch, illustrates this type.

tament patriarch, illustrates this type.

•

• Fives Fives need knowledge, need knowledge, long for long for fulﬁllment, fulﬁllment, and are and are tempted bytempted by

greed, stinginess and criti

greed, stinginess and critical cal detachment. detachment. Tomas, the so-calledTomas, the so-called

doubting disciple, ﬁts this pattern.

•

• Sixes need Sixes need security and security and are tare tempted by empted by fearfear, , self-doubt self-doubt and cow-and

cow-ardice.

ardice. imothy is a imothy is a good example good example of a Siof a Six.x.

•

• Sevens need Sevens need to avoid to avoid pain and pain and are are tempted by tempted by gluttony gluttony and in-and

in-temperance. Solomon is a biblical example of this type.

temperance. Solomon is a biblical example of this type.

•

• Eights nEights need powereed power, , self-reliance self-reliance and opportunities and opportunities to be to be againstagainst

something and are tempte

(19)

Knowing Yourself as You Really Are 

possess and control others.

possess and control others. King Saul is a King Saul is a good illustration of angood illustration of an

Eight.

•

• Nines Nines need need to mainto maintain etain emotional motional peace peace and avand avoid inoid initiative itiative andand

are tempted by laziness, comfortable illusions and being overly

accommodating.

accommodating. Jonah illustrates Jonah illustrates this type.this type.

I ﬁrst discovered the Enneagram

I ﬁrst discovered the Enneagram in , in , during a perduring a period of someiod of some

intense personal spiritual work. As often happens, the ﬁrst type I

identiﬁed as I sought to ﬁnd myself within the system was wrong.

identiﬁed as I sought to ﬁnd myself within the system was wrong.77

Unable to face deeper truths about myself, I identiﬁed with several

superﬁcial traits that were true of me—but not my deepest truth.

In the language of the Enneagram, I ﬁrst thought I was a Five.

Te core

Te core sin of sin of this type this type is gris greed, eed, and I and I was able was able to see to see howhow, , despitedespite

massive denial of this, I was in fact signiﬁcantly motivated by

greed. Many aspects of the personality style of Fives also ﬁt quite

well

well for for me. me. Tese Tese are are people people who who tend tend to to live live in in their their head, ob-head,

ob-serving

serving life with detachment, objeclife with detachment, objectivity and tivity and insight. insight. With a With a vora-

vora-cious hunger for knowledge, their quest to understand the world

cious hunger for knowledge, their quest to understand the world

and themselve

and themselves is relentless. s is relentless. However, However, at times it keeat times it keeps them fps them fromrom

both intimacy with others and genuine and deep knowing of

themselves. All this ﬁts me.

themselves. All this ﬁts me. But by identifying But by identifying with this tywith this type I waspe I was

also protecting myself from a more painful encounter with my

deepest sin tendencies.

Another type where

Another type where I felt a good I felt a good ﬁt was a ﬁt was a One. One. At this point At this point inin

my life I

my life I was just beginning to was just beginning to understand and face understand and face my angermy anger, , andand

anger is the root sin of Ones. I could also identify with the core

temptation to perfe

temptation to perfection and to doing the right thing for the wrongction and to doing the right thing for the wrong

reason.

reason. Clearly Clearly there was some of the mothere was some of the moralist in me, even if I wasralist in me, even if I was

working hard

working hard to kto keep ieep it under t under control. control. And I And I could idcould identify withentify with

the tendency to become overly serious, dutiful and responsible. It

seemed like a relatively good ﬁt.

I also felt I

(20)



   G G   B B YY

root sin is pride and whose core temptation is to ﬂattery and

help-fulness that is ultimately more self-serving than they recognize.

fulness that is ultimately more self-serving than they recognize.

Needing others to like them, wos are tempted to manipulate

others into nee

others into needing them iding them in some way n some way or another. or another. In general, theyIn general, they

control others by pleasing them. Many of these things seeme

control others by pleasing them. Many of these things seemed liked like

a reasonably good ﬁt for me.

But although we all ﬁt all nine types to some extent or another,

“reasonably good ﬁts”

“reasonably good ﬁts” always mean always mean that you have not yet beethat you have not yet been ablen able

to truly face the depths of your illusions and basic sin. Continued

prayerful reﬂection on what I was learning about myself from the

Enneagram slowly suggested that

Enneagram slowly suggested that where I really ﬁt was where I really ﬁt was with with ypeype

Tree.

Tree. As is always the case As is always the case when one ﬁnds one’when one ﬁnds one’s true type s true type withinwithin

the Enneagram, this was initially accompanied by a horrifying

sense of humiliation. How could I dare name my basic sin as

deceit? How willing I suddenly was to own any of the other eight

basic sins! How profoundly exposed I suddenly felt!

Trees are not

Trees are not necessarily necessarily liars. It is simply liars. It is simply that out that out of our of our pro-

pro-found fear of failure we tend to be

found fear of failure we tend to be good at putting the best possiblegood at putting the best possible

spin on things. Consequently we are never quite as healthy,

com-petent, successful or whatever else we value as we appear. Tis is

petent, successful or whatever else we value as we appear. Tis is

the core of our deception. We also worship at the shrine of

eﬃ-ciency, and we usually do pretty well at measuring up against this

ciency, and we usually do pretty well at measuring up against this

rather arbitrary self-established criterion of success. Appearances

count f

count for Trees. or Trees. WWe don’e don’t so much tt so much tell liell lies as we tes as we tend to end to live thelive them.m.

Ouch! I knew I had found my type—my basic sin pattern.

Te

Te trutruth th is is that that none none of of thesthese e tytypes pes is is worsworse e or or more more sinfsinfulul

than another. And none is more beyond redemption than

an-other. While our basic personality type and core sinful

other. While our basic personality type and core sinful

temp-tation appears to remain constant over a lifetime, there is no

tation appears to remain constant over a lifetime, there is no

question that we can move toward greater f

question that we can move toward greater freedom and wholenessreedom and wholeness

wit

within hin the the fframramewoework ork of wf who ho we we are. are. Tis Tis is is the the procprocess ess of of spispir-

r-itual transformation.

(21)

Knowing Yourself as You Really Are  

Spiritual transformation, not self-knowledge, is the goal of

Christian spirituality. With God’s help we need to break through

our illusions and see ourselves as we truly are in relation to God.

A

A completcomplete e knowing knowing of of our our self self in in relation relation to to God God incluincludesdes

knowing three things: our self as deeply loved (dealt with in chapt

knowing three things: our self as deeply loved (dealt with in chapterer

three),

three), our self as our self as deeply sinful deeply sinful (the focus of (the focus of this chapter), and ourthis chapter), and our

self as in a process of being redeemed and restored (which will be

explored in chapter six). Facing these deep truths about ourselves

makes it possible for us to accept and know ourselves as we are

accepted and known by God.

P R P R

Genuinely knowing your self as you are known by God can be

quite f

quite frightening. rightening. But if God knows you and But if God knows you and still loves you deeplstill loves you deeplyy,,

there is hope that you can do the same! Genuine self-knowledge

is available to all who () genuinely desire it, () are willing to

prayerfully reﬂect on their experience and () have the courage to

meet themselves and God in solitude.

If your self-knowledge is

If your self-knowledge is limited, limited, prayerfully reﬂect on prayerfully reﬂect on which ofwhich of

these three prerequisites is most deﬁcient. If you hunger to know

yourself

yourself more more deeplydeeply, , continue continue the the daily prayer daily prayer review suggested review suggested inin

chapter two. Also, watch for times when you can be alone with

yourself and God. Often these ti

yourself and God. Often these times are already mes are already in the rhythm in the rhythm ofof

your week

your week but are but are ﬁlled with ﬁlled with distractions to distractions to protect you protect you ffrom sol-rom

sol-itude.

itude. Some people Some people have music on whenever have music on whenever they are alone. Othersthey are alone. Others

turn to their

turn to their computercomputer, , television or television or their phone in ways their phone in ways that serthat serveve

the same soul-numbing purposes. Te possibilities for avoiding

solitude are endless.

After prayerful r

After prayerful reﬂection to ideneﬂection to identify the thtify the things you usings you use to avoide to avoid

solitude, covenant with God and yourself to set aside some time to

simply b

simply be still wie still with God in the depth God in the depths of yourself. Donths of yourself. Don’t give yourself’t give yourself

any agenda for this time other than sitting with God in silence.

(22)



   G G   B B YY

Begin with a

Begin with a simple prasimple prayer asking God to yer asking God to help you be stihelp you be still. ll. DonDon’t’t

feel you need to

feel you need to ﬁll your time with words or thoughts; just remainﬁll your time with words or thoughts; just remain

still and belie

still and believe that you are in Godve that you are in God’’s presence whether you senses presence whether you sense

it or not.

At

At the the end end of of the the time—not time—not during during it—write it—write your expeyour experiencerience

in your journal. Note your thoughts, reactions and feelings and

then give them up to God. Te point is not analysis but

identiﬁ-cation and relea

cation and release. se. Note them for what they are and then give themNote them for what they are and then give them

to God. Self-knowledge is God’s gift, not the result of your

intro-spection. Remember, this is not self-therapy. It is spending time

spection. Remember, this is not self-therapy. It is spending time

with

with God God and and allowallowing ing God God to to meet meet you you and and help help you you knowknow

yourself as you are known.

Tere

Tere is is no no substitute substitute for for meeting meeting God God in in your your depths depths if if youyou

really desire this knowing. P

really desire this knowing. Praying that you might raying that you might see your self assee your self as

God sees you takes courage. But if done with the deep assurance

that the self you seek to know is already known and deeply loved

by God,

by God, it is absoit is absolutellutely possibly possible. e. And remembAnd remember, er, it is in the dit is in the depthsepths

of your self that God waits to meet you with transforming love.

(23)

The Gift of Being Yourself By David G. Benner - EXCERPT

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T H E G I F T O F

T H E G I F T O F

B E I N G Y O U R S E L F

B E I N G Y O U R S E L F

The Sacred Call to Self-Discovery

The Sacred Call to Self-Discovery

Expanded

Expanded

Edition

Edition

The Spiritual Journey

The Spiritual Journey

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The Sacred Call to Self-Discovery

The Sacred Call to Self-Discovery

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Contents

Contents

Foreword

Foreword