Real Attraction Secrets by Ice Dragon © 2009
The secret to being amazing with women,
is to remember that you already are
-Cajun, Love Systems instructor.
Men always try to penetrate a woman
physically before penetrating her mind and
appealing to the deepest recesses of her
psyche" - IceDragon
Acknowledgements
Far from being the 'solitary ruminations of a scholar in the quietness of his study', this book is the result of brutal, hard, bloody experience in the arena we call life.
I am greatly indebted to others, for the help, advice and support both logistical and moral. Without whom, this book would have remained a pipe-dream.
I would like to thank, God there are so many, and I'm bound to leave many of you out, unintentionally. If I do that, then please accept my apologies.
In no order of importance, my beautiful girlfriend, who has been a constant source of strength and inspiration for me, my family, Adrian Dale from the London Seduction Society, my editor, close friend & mentor - Tom Burke, Craze and Gem from Alpha Interactions, Savoy, Soul and Mr M, Tenmagnet and Cajun from Lovesystems, the guys from the Scotland Lair for their continued support, David X, Clifford, Richard Hasinski, Black Rose, Adam Lyons, Robert Beck, Milan, Rahul Nag, Anicca, Ankush Jain, Ryan Garrod, James DeMarco, Matt Chance, Abhishek Sharma, Aki, Discovery, Kas, Ross, Jester, Lorian Payne, Mark Ridyard, Miki, Neil Haggart, Ion, Claire, the team from Glasgow MMA, Kevin Chan, Lynsey, Richard La Ruina, Chocolate Thunder, Magnus, Bilal, Ankush Jain, Viking, Skippy, Lynne, Clara, Enigma, Tony Sweeny, Buchy, Kavana, Demo, Sasha, Colin, Ciaran Healy, Dr Swift, Gordon, Philip Oku Ampofo. Azlan McKechnie and Emma, Ryan, Ace Nima Rouhani, Florence for her supportive words, Shadiya for the great advice, Karim, Martin, Stephane, DeepVertigo, Iftikhar Yaqub, Amo, Bilal, Aki, Stuart Bell, Stewart Gardiner, Cameron Miller, Graeme Hatton, Viktorija, Angelina, Mrvica, Kristina, Cindy, Asia, Merci, Laura, Ellen, Hazel and the others, Irshad Malik, simple-designz.com for doing an amazing job in designing the first draft of this book and lastly to Lucy.
This couldn't have happened without each and every one of you. David X - "The Godfather of Seduction"
Montreal, Canada
Let me just start out by saying well done. I read this book and I have to agree with almost all the principles that you teach. You're offering a very good bridge product for guys who have major approach issues. I enjoyed your Alpha male chapters especially, maybe because I can relate to that side of the coin so well.
I teach very similar approaches but most importantly we share very similar values when it comes to approaching and dealing with women. Just like your eBook demonstrates, I approach women a little bit differently in a supermarket than I would at a nightclub.
My core values never change. "The most important person in your life is you" WOW. Now that's explosive information in the right hands. What I like about your book is that the values presented never change, that's how I can tell you're an original.
5 "Mr M" aka Jim Stark
Lead Instructor for Love Systems
London, United Kingdom
I have admired IceDragon and his work for a few years now. I remember the first time I met IceDragon. My first thought was "can this guy really be that good with women?' This is because much like me, he is a short, average looking guy with a warm and friendly vibe as opposed to a tall, Brad Pitt like character. Unlike many of the other eccentric dating teachers out there, IceDragon does not have an overly 'peacocked' look, weird personality or
overbearing ego. But this is exactly why he draws my utmost respect - because dating science at its best should be about how normal guys can improve themselves to have rock star like abilities with women.
In exploring how the mind, spirit and body work in order for a man to become more attractive, IceDragon has enunciated
key principles which will engender crucial life changes if followed correctly. His work is a study not just of women, but of the way in which men should move through the world. I have lectured on the importance of deep level change when learning to become better with
women. It is only through self actualization, personal evolution and developing an intuitive, yet experiential, understanding of human interactions and social dynamics, that one can truly reach mastery in the field of interactions with women. IceDragon understands and pioneers these concepts.
You may not yet appreciate it at this point, but by reading this book and exposing yourself to dating technology, you have chosen to 'wake up'. As you progressively loosen the shackles of social conditioning by turning the pages in this book (and possibly others), you will begin to become acutely aware of a new realm of possibilities. Reality will become like an onion that you just keep peeling back to reveal new, unchartered layers of "what is possible' in human interactions and personal development.
Dating science and the dating industry have received both good and bad press and publicity, rightfully so. There are both very positive and very negative sides to the dating / pick up movement. But at its most positive, which is where that I believe that people like IceDragon and I are positioned, it is a positive and revolutionary force that is shaping the men of tomorrow for the better. IceDragon's contribution to this 'revolution' is undeniable; and his professional integrity in the pursuit of excellence in human social science, wherever it had to take him and regardless of the personal cost, is a hallmark of dating science at its best.
6 Tom Burke
Fitness instructor. Life Coach, NLP Practitioner & hypnotherapist
Glasgow, Scotland
Website - LetsGetMotivated.com
Let me tell you the real attraction secret, or rather one secret of many. I have already read the book and wouldn't want to spoil it for you.
You have to genuinely love women! Forget all that shit about men being from planet Zuton and women from some other fucking planet! Both sexes of our species are of course from the same planet and have been successfully interacting for thousands of years. If we hadn't been then guess what? Yes we would be extinct! Communication, both verbal and non-verbal plays a vital role in mate selection. It was all going well until the Cosmopolitan told us otherwise or was it the Viz. I always get those mixed up.
You wont simply read this book; IceDragon will drive you to action. He is not coaching you to be an expert on reading EBooks on seduction or to become a fantastic keyboard jockey. He is coaching you to get out there and enjoy the real secrets of attraction as you meet beautiful women in your everyday life.
IceDragon loves women and that is one of his personal attraction attributes. Having this love of women certainly helps make him more attractive to women but what about when it comes to coaching other guys in the art of real attraction?
As I write this I have known IceDragon for about 3 years. I met him at various sarging exploits in Glasgow but only really got to know him when he launched a dinner event with Max, from what was known then as the Mystery Method, as the guest speaker. It was a great event and as I learned more about the man behind the event, IceDragon, I knew he had done it for the guys in the local community and he had done it with great passion. Yes he loves women but he also loves helping you guys be the best you can be.
Again showing his genuine desire to help guys become more attractive to women, while improving all aspects of their lives, IceDragon launched The Professional Players Club. Initially I set up the website but was asked to help out at weekend mini-bootcamps as an approach coach. I really got to know him during this period as we were doing 3 hours of day
game, dinner and then several hours of street, pub & club game every Saturday.
I have to say a highlight of 2008 with IceDragon was when he invited me to dinner with Neil Strauss after the Glasgow book launch of "Rules of The Game". It was a brilliant experience which ended with me driving Neil and his entourage around Glasgow but that's another story.
Lets Get Motivated - What do you want to do? 7
Soul
Instructor for Love Systems
London, United Kingdom
Website - www.lovesystems.com/soul
When you've been doing this stuff for a while you learn very quickly to suss out the different types of "seducers" that you meet. Putting a lens on your interactions with women inevitably teaches you things about social interactions with everyone you meet. You learn to see the matrix of human character, with telltale signs upon first meeting them that giveaway who they really are inside.
The biggest category of people to beware of is the phonies. The people that purport to be someone they are not. People that brag about their "conquests" with women, talk a lot and act little, and are afraid of failure or making mistakes generally fall into this category. People who are genuinely good at something spend most of their time working on their skills,
learning from others who are good at them, and understand that to succeed more in life means also to be willing to fail more.
The next biggest category of people to be aware of is the unscrupulous successful. The people that have apparent success in life but further examination of their methods reveal a distinct lack of principles or ethics. In other words, people that take and never give. These people act without regard for others, without integrity, and without a sense of real purpose. The final category is the rarest of all: the scrupulous successful.
This category is capable of far higher levels of success than the unscrupulous successful. Why? Because treat other people well and you will be treated well. These people find friends and alliances everywhere, using shared resources and knowledge to rise to individual
heights greater than if they were to do it simply on their own, forsaking all others.
IceDragon belongs in this final category. His integrity, honour and decency have impressed me in the years that I have known him. More than just having all the impressive surface level characteristics that women find so irresistible, he has the core masculine character that every woman is ultimately drawn to.
IceDragon and I have both fought stigma in our rise to be successful with the fairer sex. We have both faced challenges in society, convention and in ourselves in order to get to where we are. The rise to the top is fraught with adversity, but it is the journey that makes you strong. Both he and I have been lucky enough to meet some truly incredible women in our lives to date. I know that no matter how successful in my life I become, I will never stop being grateful. This book is IceDragon's chance to give back - and he does it in spades.
Read these pages well.
8 Craze
Director & Lead Instructor of Alpha Interactions
London, United Kingdom
Website - www.alphainteractions.com
"Hi Craze, How you Doing" Those were the first words that came out of IceDragon's mouth when I met him, and at that moment stood in front of me was a small framed guy of Asian heritage who to me defied the archetypal lack of confidence that most guys are pre
programmed to feel when confronted with someone of my physical stature.
A confident aura and an obvious intention to be the first point of genuine warmth and connection was a welcome change in a community where camaraderie and friendship had taken a back seat to commercial competition drew me closer to find out more about who this guy was and why I automatically held him in high regard.
I first met IceDragon in Birmingham where we both happened to be speaking at an Attraction Seminar and as the Director and Lead Instructor for Alpha Interactions, I was impressed at the confidence he showed and the skill set he had so obviously mastered.
The moment I saw the way he spoke to Students and the way he was received, I knew this guy had "it" but as strong as his confidence was, you still admired the vulnerability in his voice. I could see that this guy has been there, that very place many guys find themselves
when trying to attract the women of his dreams, and this is where I really started to see where IceDragon's aura came from.
His passion is not for his own gain, like me and all the instructors at Alpha Interactions, he was not in this for himself; he was in this purely to see the improvements in guys he has only just met! That is how he came to be an Instructor for Alpha Interactions Scotland.
I look for 2 things when I decide to bring people into a company like AI. The first and most important is the ability to put his own success aside in order to bring success to others and the second is the ability to keep an open mind and learn while he teaches.
Ice had both of these prerequisites; time and time again he has proved this to me.
I am constantly amazed by the life IceDragon Leads, whether it is the new friends he makes, the hot women he attracts or the students whose lives he changes, I will always be a
Supporter of IceDragon and his ability to get results. 9
How to use this book
The IceDragon Method will tear down your preconceptions of what is possible, and build your core identity from the ground up. I believe in a holistic method of seduction and pickup. This is a method derived from years of practicing and teaching, and addresses the core issues relating to female to male attraction, a method derived from practical, real life experience, and hard grit. This is why I called my book 'Real Attraction Secrets'. This is as real as it gets. I am what you may call a 'natural seduction teacher', and your task is to make my method is personal to you, organic, as in, it will develop and mature within you. As you begin to grow as a person, so to, your own IceDragon Method will develop alongside you, and bring you
amazing success with women.
The name IceDragon is synonymous with passion, creativity, desire, and masculine, alpha qualities.
I am called IceDragon because I breathe fire onto the woman's psychological barriers, and melt the ice, which is surrounding her, making her moist and wet. We all have an IceDragon within us. You just have to discover, uncover, and recover your own, personal IceDragon, which has thus far been sleeping inside you.
You can become the IceDragon, and seduce the woman of your dreams.
Although it is advisable to start from the beginning, and finish the book in sequence, there is absolutely no harm in dipping in wherever you fancy, as each section can stand up and be counted on its own merit.
To get the most benefit from my method, I would suggest referring to it regularly, and really focus on what is written, instead of skimming. That way you will feel the depth and meaning, the words will begin to sink in. You may be sitting on the bus two days after reading a chapter and think "aha - it's all clicking together'.
I would highly recommend taking some time out, and doing the suggested exercises, gaining impressive improvements in your seduction ability. What this book doesn't do is hold your hand and spoon-feed you. It doesn't tell you what to do from A to B, and what if this goes wrong, or what if you're in that situation.
I believe you can have a 'trouble-shooting' section in a computer software manual, but not in a book which deals with human interactions. Such is the volatile, unpredictable nature of people. But hey, this is what this book is for.
This book aims to give you the edge over other guys.
From personal teaching experience, this game doesn't work in a structured, robotic, paint by numbers way. What 'routine' worked for me in a certain situation is certainly not guaranteed to work for you. Most structured pickup techniques are backwards rationalized anyway, and I will teach you to unleash your inherent masculine abilities, to attract the woman of your dreams.
Enough said, it is time to begin.
10 Seduction is in your blood
You have invested in this book to learn one thing. How to master the skills of starting and sustaining a sexual relationship with a woman of your choice.
Every man on this planet has the inherent ability to attract a woman. Contrary to popular myth, you do not need complicated structures, techniques, and routines in order to do that. Each and every one of our forefathers was successful in getting laid. There is no doubt about that.
Somewhere along the line, things got mixed up, and men forgot
that they were natural seducers, it's what they do best, like hunting, fighting, drinking, etc. and the woman became the prize. The man is the true prize, and if anyone tells you otherwise, it is bullshit and goes against nature.
Were I to condense my whole method into one sentence, it would be.
Release the latent Alpha Male from within you.
An Alpha Male never shies from going out and getting what he wants (more about what an Alpha Male is later on in the book).
When he sees something he likes, he goes and gets it. When he sees a beautiful woman he wants to get to know, he goes ahead and approaches her, without giving a damn about what other people think. It's a matter of fact.
Social conditioning warns us against approaching strange women. When we see a beautiful woman, something inside us says that it is not acceptable to society. Something tells us that a calamity will befall us. The reason for this is simple. If you approached the wrong girl, thousands of years ago, chances are that you would never get laid again. You would either be killed or ostracized by your tribe.
We have, thankfully, moved on from those times.
The first step you have to take is to tell your inner voice to shut up, and replace it with a new affirmation. Approach her. During the course of this book, I will teach you exactly what to say and do for best results, but if your head goes blank, and you can't think of anything - get into the game by saying something. Say hello, ask her the time, anything.
This is the first hurdle you must overcome. You must overcome your inner fears and forget about the outcome. Get out of your own head, and face the reality that if you do not approach that girl, she will move on, and some other guy will approach her and start a sexual
relationship with her, and have lots of cute little children who will call him daddy. Of course, not all of us want to start a family, but you get the picture.
The relationship which should have been yours.
What if your great, great, great grandfather had not approached your great, great, great grandmother? You would not be sitting here, reading this book, listening to me telling you to approach the woman you desire. I want your great, great, great grandson to enjoy the company and pleasure of beautiful women. You have to make it happen.
Live forever, pass on your genes.
I hope it's now blatantly obvious that if you don't
approach, you might as well go on the Internet and find a Russian bride who will divorce you as soon as
she gets a permanent visa.
11 Mentally, it is far easier to approach a woman, if you have the lifestyle, which a woman will want to be part of.
Cultivate your passions in life. Choose an interest, which involves investing in you. Out with your working life, you should have something which you enjoy doing, be it playing a sport, collecting rare items, whatever.
Take a look at your own life, and list your achievements. List 25 achievements, no matter how small you think they are.
Have lots of female friends in your phonebook. This will help you understand female psychology, and will ultimately help you meet the woman of your dreams.
Accept your weaknesses, and build on your strengths.
Every man knows what his weaknesses are, and the chances are, he hides them and feels ashamed. Do not do this. If you are open and come out of the closet about your insecurities, and show the world that you are not bothered by them then other people will accept you too.
Respect yourself and demand respect from others. If they dont, cut them out of your life. Only keep friends who respect you. This also applies to women. No matter how hot she is, if she doesn't respect you, this will do you long-term damage, and the number one person in your life is you.
Think about your future. Choose your career wisely and invest in it, if you don't have one, work towards it. Women are attracted to a successful male who can provide for her and her children. If you are unemployed, on benefits, and live for the weekend, what can you do for your family?
guys to experience long-term success. If you are in a job you dont like, leave it and get the necessary qualifications you need to find the job of your dreams. Don't let anyone tell you that you "can't do something'.
What you want to consistently get from women is "you know where you want to be in life, and how you're going to get there'. Its how you frame yourself and present yourself is what counts.
• Stay in shape.
• Eat healthily, keep junk food to a minimum and keep your cardiovascular system in great shape.
• Wear nice clothes, stay clean.
12
-Part I - Your unique attractive identity - Who Are You? Your unique attractive identity - Who Are You?
"Linda Lee, widow of Bruce Lee once told me ^the reason why Bruce Lee's legacy has
lasted nearly forty years, is because he imposed his unique personality and identity on the world - that's why there's never been anyone like him since, as they are all trying to be him, instead of telling the world who they are."
You can create your own attractive identity. Don't try to be someone else. Those men are attractive simply because they impose their own unique personality upon the world. Be yourself, and release your potential.
Make the most of your appearance.
You can only play the card you have been dealt. So make the most of it by being the best you can be.
Personal appearance,
or what is considered 'good-looking' is an abstract concept.
Generally, women are not as obsessed with looks as men are. You know, the first thing men notice is the hips to waist ratio, and who hasn't talked to a woman's tits, instead of her face. It's a part of life. Are you a tits or ass guy?
The reason for this is that, many thousands of years ago, when our ancestors were still living in caves, and hunting wooly mammoths, women with wider hips were more likely to survive childbirth (they had no caesarians back in those days), and women with bigger breasts were healthier, and were able to feed their babies, thus ensuring a man's genes carried on.
Women on the other hand, are more concerned about survival qualities - will the man she chooses be able to provide for her and her children? Obviously, looks don't come into this. Woman are attracted to men who can take them on an emotional rollercoaster ride by giving them a wide range of emotions, and make them feel good.
Why do women stay in abusive relationships? It's because the man is unpredictable takes them through many different feelings. He abuses her, beats her. Then apologises, tells her he loves her, before hot passionate make-up sex. In contrast, what does your average guy do? He only gives her one emotion. Love. I'm not advocating abusing women, but do take her through many different emotions, and that will more than compensate for what you perceive to be lacking in you. Unlike the abusive asshole, you have to provide magical moments for the woman, become her knight in shining armour.
Whatever card you have been dealt with in life, get over it. If you're bald, overweight, short, whatever, just accept it and feel good with who you are.
It's not the lack of height that turns women off, it's the lack of confidence behind it.
Always assume attraction, and it'll put you at a head start, well ahead of most guys. Whether you believe you're good enough for the woman you want to approach, or you're not good enough. Both are true. Project a commanding image, a man at ease with his own self, and the woman will believe it too.
Dress well all of the time, keep your breath smelling fresh (never leave home without a
packet of mint or mint gum) and make sure there are no bits of food between your teeth. You never know when you're going to come across a seduction opportunity, and you want to be ready. If you feel good, you will exude those vibes to all those around you, and you'll want to talk to girls, and seduce them, with no subconscious excuses. Don't worry; I've got a game-plan all worked out for you in the next section, when you'll come to (and hopefully take on) my two-week challenge.
14
and dress appropriately for whether you are approaching women during the day or in nightclubs! Ask for assistance at a department store, and they'll advise. Alternatively, feel free to email me a photo of yourself, and I'll personally critique your style.
However, bear in mind, that it's how comfortable you are with what you are wearing that counts.
Smell nice. Women's sense of smell is far more highly developed than men's. Give yourself a head start over other men, who don't bother to take the time to select the perfect fragrance. Use a nice shower gel and body spray. I like the scent of Lynx Africa and FCUK Copper, but you may have your personal favourite. I also use Hugo Boss fragrance.
Here are some fragrances that I recommend. Paco Rabanne - Ultraviolet man, Paul Smith - London, Yves Saint Laurent - Kouros, Giorgio Armani - Armani Black Code, Givenchy Pour Homme, Christian Dior -Fahrenheit, David Beckham - Instinct, Jean Paul Gaultier - Le Male.
I would strongly advise against being 'Saturday night pickup artists'.
16 IceDragon's Two-Week Challenge
Balancing being a successful ladies man with your lifestyle means making the study of seduction into an integral part of your day-to-day life, and co-existing with the various parts, which make up the individual you, so that there is no transition. It's not necessary, as you're totally accepting and completely congruent with what and who you are.
I would strongly advise against being "Saturday night pickup artists'. By that I mean, walking around with your head down during the week, and putting on your'Pickup Artist' persona at the weekends. That is neither congruent nor natural.
No wonder why some guys have problems with seduction, and then wonder what went wrong. I'm not advising guys to become social robots either, or obsessive pickup freaks.
What I'm going to suggest is totally different, and will make a big difference in your success rates, so that by the time the weekend comes, and it's time to go clubbing, you're all warmed up and ready to go, and you've already got 10 girls' numbers that week (it will happen!), because pickup is not something different to what you usually do. However, what I'm going to suggest goes way beyond and much deeper than pure pickup.
Two things to do before going to bed at night
1. Compile a things to do list of 10 things you want to do by the end of the following day (the sense of
achievement the following night will astonish you).
2. Read out 10 affirmations (you can think of 10 relevant to you).
Miriam's Dictionary reference
a: the act of affirming b: something affirmed : a positive assertion
Get on target!
By the use of positive affirmations, we can create positive changes to occur in our lives.
"Every day I am getting stronger and stronger."
This is an example of a positive affirmation, which through repetition becomes a reality! Ten things to do before leaving your house in the morning
Ok, second step. Before you leave the house in the morning, each and every day, ensure you do the following 10 things.
1. Shower & Shave. 2. Brush & floss.
3. Deodorant and Fragrance.
4. Choose your clothes carefully, and don't just throw anything on. 5. Have breakfast (VERY important).
6. Diaphragmatic breathing exercises (this will focus your mind). 7. Vocal projection exercises.
8. Read 10 affirmations aloud (you can think of some!). 9. Stretch your body!
10. Read over the list you made last night.
Leave your house earlier than you usually would, because that would account for any delays en-route. Also, if you start your day in a calm & relaxing manner the rest of your day will be fantastic, and that will spill onto the following day, and so forth.
Make a point of smiling and making eye contact at everyone you see. This is crucial! Not only at girls, but everyone. Walk with an upright posture, and with your head up. Think of your
favourite song, as you're walking down the street. According to Anthony Robbins, your posture and demeanor sets your mood.
Talk to as many people as you can. Tell them jokes, funny stories, ask them how they are. Just improvise and have fun. Say "hi" to complete strangers, as they pass you by.
Make a point of smiling and making eye contact at everyone you see. This is crucial!
Do not deliberately try to find girls to seduce. They will find you. I promise. I dont know how or where they will come from, but they will.
They will be attracted to your energy and what you put out into the world. The vibes you give out will be totally different from any other guy they will meet.
If you do these things for two weeks, you will see an amazing difference. I'm saying two weeks for a reason; because this is the time it takes for any changes to take effect.
Don't ask me why, it's just the way it is. Naturally, as the weeks and months progress, your results will begin to snowball and accumulate, and you wont be able to recognise what things were like before.
You will begin to attract nice things into your life (girls, friends, success, happiness). Whatever you give out to the world, that's what you attract.
Do this two week exercise while you're making your way through this book.
18 Vocal Projection
"The strength of speaking whereby the voice is used loudly and clearly... a technique employed to demand respect and attention."
Vocal projection is used by different people, for different reasons, in a whole host of different situations. Actors strutting around a stage use vocal projection so they can be heard by their audience. Teachers struggling to control their unruly pupils use vocal projection to try and get the brats to behave themselves. Managers needing to get their point across to their staff use vocal projection so that they sound assertive. Even Baristas in Starbucks use vocal projection so that you can hear that your order for a "venti latte with a shot of vanilla" is ready above the din of a busy restaurant.
So many different people are using vocal projection for different reasons, at different times - but what links all these people? Sure, a lot of people who need to use vocal projection are confident people, and this helps them when "The strength of speaking whereby the voice is used loudly and clearly... a technique employed to demand respect and attention." having to make their voice carry a long way. Those who use vocal projection can appear to be
confident but, inside, they may be insecure about what they are saying or unhappy at being the centre of attention.
So if it's not confidence that link all these people, could it be something else? Having a "loud" voice -surely you can't "vocally project" without one?
Well, having a "loud" voice certainly helps, but it's not the be-all-and-end-all of vocal projection. Professional singers usually have excellent vocal projection, but very few have "loud" talking voices - they have simply learnt the vocal projection techniques required for them to get-ahead in Show business.
So who is capable of vocal projection, and what is the secret to it?
Well, vocal projection can be achieved by anyone if they spend time learning the correct technique and continue to work hard at developing it.
Vocal projection starts with a very simple concept - one that everyone in the world is familiar with -breathing.
However, in order to develop good vocal projection, you must subtly alter the way in which you breathe, and how you use your breath.
When you are talking at a "normal" level, you will only use the air from the top of your lungs. This means that your throat has to do most of the work.
How many "hoarse mornings" have you had after spending a night shouting a conversation above the music in a nightclub?
The simple reason for this is that you're using the "wrong" part of your lungs to help project your voice, and your throat is having to work over-time to try and get volume into your voice. With a better vocal projection technique, those morning-after-sore-throats could be a thing of the past.
A properly-projected voice uses air that flows from the diaphragm, rather than the top of the lungs. Now this isnt something that happens overnight - it is something that you have to work on to improve and, once you are breathing from your diaphragm, you have to continue to
work hard to make sure you continue to use your diaphragm.
The diaphragm is a sheet of muscle which extends across the bottom of the ribcage and is vital for breathing. In very simple terms: when the diaphragm expands, it creates suction that draws air into the lungs; when the diaphragm relaxes, air is pushed back out of the lungs. A simple equation exists here -the more the diaphragm expands, the more air will get into the lungs; or, another way of putting it, the less the diaphragm expands, the less air will get into the lungs!
20
So, what can be done to improve the strength of the diaphragm?
Here's a simple exercise that you can try - just 15 minutes of this exercise every day will produce some dramatic improvements in your vocal power:
Breathing control
• Find somewhere quiet where you can relax and not be disturbed - this will allow you to focus on your
exercise and produce maximum results.
• Stand with your feet around shoulder-length apart, with your arms either-side of you (or, if you prefer,
clasped in front of you - dont put your hands behind your back, as this will tighten your chest!!). Relax
-you're going to be concentrating solely on your breathing, so you want to get rid of as much tension as
possible.
• Focus on your breathing - breath in through your nose, and out through your mouth. Get your breathing
under control as you relax more and more.
• Time your breathing - breath-in through your nose for 3 counts. Try and breath-in at a constant rate,
rather than taking a huge breathe to begin-with. Breath-out of 3 counts - again, do so at a constant rate.
This exercise is all about CONTROL.
• When you have gained a good level of control of
breathing-in and breathbreathing-ing-out for 3 counts, trybreathing-ing holdbreathing-ing your breath breathing-in for 3 counts. This makes it - breath-in for 3 counts; hold your breath in for 3 counts; breath-out for 3 counts; then repeat... • As you get better, trying increasing the count to 4, then 5... and, with consistent
exercising, you'll
should be able to reach 7 or 8 within a month or so.
Top tips:
• Breath in through your nose, and out through your mouth!
• When you breathe out, try making your mouth as rounded as possible so you can hear yourself
breathing-out - this will help you know whether your control is good or not.
•Don't try doing too much too early - the key is to take your time in developing your control.
Often, the
faster you improve, the faster you can lose it again if you fail to keep exercising; so the more time you take in improving your breathing control, the longer it would take for the benefits to go away!
However, vocal projection is not all about breathing - stance is also important. The most common stance is one that stage actors have been using for hundred of years:
• Stand up straight
• Put your feet shoulder-width apart
•Put your dominant foot slightly forward of your other foot (for example, if you are right-handed, your right foot should be slightly further forward than your left)
This way, your body is balanced better and allows for maximum breathing potential.
Once you have master breathing technique and stance, you will find that your voice become much more projected and resonant.
22 Release your latent Alpha Male
You may have come across the term "Alpha Male' before. An "Alpha Male' is the leader of a pack of animals, usually wolves. He has the pick of the females, he eats first, he enters and
leaves the den before anyone else, and all the other males show deference to him.
I was at my friend's house the other day, he was fixing my laptop (computer genius, I love that guy). Anyway, I came across a book about dog training lying on his coffee table. And, being an avid book lover, I couldn't put it down. It essentially showed that to control and train your dog, you have to show it that you are the Alpha Male. Try and read a book about dog history, and the way wolves live in packs and you'll get an better understanding of what an Alpha Male really is.
So, why am I am going on about being the Alpha Male? What relevance do wolf packs have to do with seduction? Well ...
"The Alpha Male always gets laid."
A bit of research will show you that the "Alpha Male' in a wolf pack is not always the biggest or strongest wolf. The "Alpha Male' is just the wolf that fucks all the females.
Build and project the image of power and dominance, and you can have any woman you want. Men, like wolves and apes, are also pack animals. Women want the Alpha Male. A woman's primeval instinct yearns for her to be dominated. Dominated by a man of power and stature.
Even the hottest, bitchiest girls want a man to lead. The bitchy attitude is just a test to find out who the Alpha Male is.
It today society, rock stars, footballers, athletes with big muscles, millionaires can all project Alpha Status. The good news is, you don't have to become any of these things to become an "Alpha Male'.
What you do have to do, however, is to project the aura and image of an Alpha Male. How can you do that? Apart from being confident, dominant, leading, in control, calm and collected?
I have a simple solution for you. My grandfather, who was a multi- millionaire in his own right, once told me. Think, dress, walk like a millionaire. And you will become a millionaire.
Even when he was on the verge of poverty, and had nothing to his name, he still had a powerful belief that he would one day become very, very rich.
Now, I'm applying it to you. Think, dress, walk like an Alpha Male and you will become an Alpha Male. Imagine you are having regular sex with the world's most beautiful women - change your reality into your own vision.
Keep yourself clean and well-groomed.
Feel confident and become more outgoing - get out of your own head.
Don't take shit from anyone, including women. If they do something to displease you, let them know what your boundaries are.
Become more responsive to people in general - listen and become respected.
Be assertive, but not aggressive, and have fun in your life, because you will attract more of the same.
24 What are my body's non-verbal communications?
Inter-human communication can be divided into two clear levels, verbal and non- verbal. Although verbal communication is widely acknowledged, and there is much more awareness of it, non-verbal is often referred to as the true, base level of communications. Our primitive ancestors used this system long before complex languages had developed, even long before mankind started grunting and groaning. Non verbal communication reveals the true feelings of a person, because this system of communication is ingrained into the human psyche, through millions of years of evolution.
Modern man uses non-verbal communication as an alternative, or an accompaniment to the spoken word. Sometimes an expression can say much more than a word can.
For example, a child who has stolen sweets or damaged the family car will have a guilty look on his or her face. And you may witness constant fidgeting, touching the face, looking down or across the room and lack of eye contact with the parent. The look can somewhat resemble that of a puppy who has just created a puddle. When someone is frightened, his facial
muscles, especially around the mouth tend to pull back. Now, if you take the smile, which is a universally recognised expression of friendliness, you will notice that it is similar to the 'fear' reaction.
When a person smiles, he makes the other person feel at ease, because sub-consciously, he realises that if the person is afraid, therefore he cannot be a threat. The smile is widely used in the courting ritual. We share this trait with many great apes, especially our closest relative, the chimpanzee.
Incidentally, the genetic difference in D.N.A between humans and chimpanzees is approximately 1%.
Different facial components signify different responses, for example, if someone has their jaw thrust forward, they could be self-confident, arrogant, extremely alert or at ease.
An angry person can be distinguished by the way he stares, the colour of his cheeks, and a clenched jaw. Facial muscles tightly drawn and grinding teeth may signify the person is nervous or stressed.
Apart from facial expressions, the hands can also tell a great deal about the person. If a person is hunched, or walks with a stoop, despite him having to spinal deficiencies, he is deemed to be a reclusive, anti-social person. He may have a troubled life, and this can show onto the way he walks or carries himself. The subconscious recognises this, and creates a vicious circle, where his body language becomes more and more pathetic. If a person has all his limbs uncrossed, and his hands visible and palms open, this can show that the person is sincere. These actions can be faked by politicians to appear more friendly and trustworthy to the electorate. In saying that, although the body actions can be faked to an extent, they facial expressions will always give the game away, stressed, furrowed brows, a grimaced mouth, squinted eyes can reveal that all may not be as it seems within the person.
Crossing the arms in front of oneself may signify that the person is not sure of himself, or feels vulnerable and defensive.
Therefore the crossed arms are protecting the sensitive internal organs, heart, spleen, liver, lungs etc. It is possible that man may have had this response programmed, somehow this natural protective action survived as a gene, through millions of years.
25
Now, contrast this with a school-teacher, a powerful baron, or a factory manager. He will walk about his domain with his hands crossed behind his back, head up, chest out, shoulders back and spine arched straight.
This is a signal of authority and power, that he has nothing to fear from anyone, and does not feel threatened. Compare the two types of opposing Non Verbal Communication.
...although the body actions can be faked to an extent, the facial expressions will always give the game away...
Non Verbal Communication can be divided into three main areas, which are Kinesics, Proxemics and Para-Linguistics. Kinesics involve facial expressions such as smiles, frowns, narrowed eyes, transmitting anger, frustration, friendliness, disbelief, etc.
Gestures such as pointing towards someone, giving a thumbs up sign, shaking the head, etc. Movements, including pacing up and down a room, finger-drumming as to indicate boredom, transmitting impatience or relaxation.
Proxemics include physical contact, shaking hands with someone, prodding someone with a finger in a provocative way, clapping someone on the back as if to congratulate, transmitting greetings, insistence or friendship.
Positioning also comes under this category, keeping a respectful distance, for example, if walking down a quiet street and a woman is walking the same direction, it would be wise for the man to walk across the other side of the road, so that the woman doesnt feel threatened. Also posture, standing straight and erect, lounging, sitting hunched up, leaning forward, spread across a chair, transmitting alertness and care, self-confidence, nervousness or ease.
Para-Linguistics are feedback sounds of surprise, agreement, annoyance or impatience. 'Uh uh, whew!, oops!, tsk, tut tut, etc.
Human relations skills and effective working requires a finely tuned awareness of Non-verbal communication. It can help a person to quickly read a situation and to prevent problems from occurring. Nightclub stewards for example need to understand the intricacies of NVC as the safety of the clients depends on their intuition. For example, if a steward is confronted by a person who shows arrogance at the door, sneering, and staring at other people in the crowd, there is a very high chance that the person is looking for violence, and once he has
will recognise the signs and not let the person in. If the steward is highly experienced, he will use NVC of his own to send a subconscious signal to the aggressor to back away. He will look into his eyes, and try not to show any outward signs of adrenaline or emotional excess, which can be misinterpreted as fear. This shows that the ability to read body language and NVC can save lives, prevent conflict and ensure success when dealing with other people. Non-verbal communication is a vital aspect of society and should be studied and observed as the benefits to one's personal life and career can be immense. Learning to liaise with
colleagues at work, reading a spouse's mood can prevent family trouble and arguments. Also, if you discipline your kids, but your body actions are not in synchronisation with your words, the child may feel as if you are hesitant or unsure, and may become unruly.
If on the other hand, you can adopt a strong body pose and send powerful signals, the child will know that you are serious, and will obey your instructions, therefore becoming a
well-rounded and happy person. - 26
If you ever have the misfortune to enter into a potentially violent situation in the street or in the pub, you may have the skills to diffuse the situation, before it escalates into physical violence, which can cause serious injury or even death.
Relating to pickup, non-verbal communication is essential, as the first impressions are made non verbally. If you see a woman you like in a bar for instance, it is important to first make eye contact, then smile to show you're not a threat, then, by using an open, and confident posture, you display your body from different angles, so that your potential mate can size you up. Many psychologists say that when entering a room where a party is held, it is advisable to stand at the doorway or four seconds before entering, so that all the potential mates can check you out, and vice versa.
27 Improving your body language - What vibe are you giving?
Women can smell insecurity, anxiety and nerves, without you having to say a word. When you approach a strange woman for the first time, bear in mind that she is far more socially intuitive than you. She has been approached by thousands of men in her lifetime, and naturally screens men to weed out the wheat from the chaff. Coming back to the question if you're an alpha male or not.
What you need to do is to eliminate all signs of nerves, and replace that with calmness and relaxation, changing what your body is sub-communicating, i.e. little subconscious
movements and gestures.
The way to do this is to practice approaching girls. Lean back (don't lean into the girl or
'peck'), use a louder voice than normal (trust me, it wont be too loud - chances are that you're too quiet just now), maintain relaxed eye contact, keep your hands visible, don't frown, smile! Also, try and take up weight training. Seriously, do itl
Actors who want to increase their celluloid presence often train with weights, so that they can come across as more convincing and charismatic on screen. To create a deeper sense of aura, start a martial art, for example my personal art is taekwondo and you'll exude powerful, confident vibes (read the next section for my recommendation).
Listen to uplifting music before going on a night out. Maybe something which stirs you, like the theme tune to 'Braveheart' (well, I love it!). Watch a comedy sketch a couple of times a week to help get into a happy frame of mind!
The most important thing is to enjoy the process, don't think about bedding the girl you are speaking to, show genuine interest in her as a person, and don't be afraid of hiding your sexual intent. You're a man after all, and women prefer honesty rather than bullshit.
29 Giving out a powerful aura using martial arts
"What strikes me about him is his demeanour. He seems genuine;
relaxed; pleasant; and polite... like he doesn't feel he has to put up some tough guy front like a lot of guys do. Maybe this is because of his martial arts and the fact he genuinely tough. I've also found this with friends with military backgrounds and a street brawler I know. There's no need for them to try too hard." - Louis Roederer
commenting about IceDragon
Martial arts, as I explained, are very, very useful in creating the correct body sub
communications. I personally use Taekwondo to maintain my fitness and power, and this helps me project alpha male vibes, which women can smell. Five minutes from entering any
social situation, I start getting indicators of attraction from women. You may choose another form of combat. My friend Tom for example, is a former Royal Marines Commando, and regularly engages in extreme endurance training. You know, when he walks into a room, with a complete absence of fear, every pair of eyes is on him. Men respect him, and women want him.
However, here's an explanation on why I practice Taekwondo.
Since Roman times and before, mankind has always had a lust for mortal combat, maybe the reason why "No Holds Barred'fighting competitions such as UFC haven't captured the public imagination the way boxing has is that it appears to be commercialized. Boasting about having "no rules' is clearly transparent, of course there are rules!
Taekwondo is different. It is closer to boxing, it is for real. Very real. Although many arts such as Karate may have similar looking techniques as Taekwondo, they are nothing compared to the effectiveness of Taekwondo, where the techniques are scientifically proven and are under constant research in the universities of South Korea.
The precise speed at each moment, body balance, positioning, angles of the body are all regulated and rigorously practiced until they become automated. Unless witnessed, it is difficult to appreciate the beauty and art of the movements. As one observer (a Karate expert) so aptly put it "watching Taekwondo performed by someone who knows what he's doing shatters your sense of reality'.
Evolved from the ancient Korean art of Taekyon, modern Taekwondo is arguably Korea's greatest gift to the world. The World Taekwondo Federation, based in South Korea, regulates Taekwondo. It is well known for being a lethal form of self-defense, applicable in all
situations. It is said that a Taekwondo practitioner can meet an opponent any time and any place, and he/she uses his whole body as a weapon. The whole body is used to fend off attackers. Once the basic Taekwondo formula has been learned, the practitioner can utilize it for use in street situations, by harnessing the power of his/her body. In today's dangerous world, knowledge of self-defense is vital, just to survive, and protect your loved ones.
The beauty of Taekwondo is that a seven stone woman can easily beat off a sixteen stone man with total confidence.
She is given the choice whether to restrain, disable or even kill the aggressor. Size has absolutely nothing to do with it. Taekwondo evens the odds, and gives, otherwise vulnerable people, the total confidence and power to deal with any sort of attacker.
As training in Taekwondo progresses, the student begins to realize how everything fits in. The mist clears, and secrets which were otherwise hidden, reveal themselves. The student understands what it takes to defeat any opponent. It is not unknown for Taekwondo
practitioners to be able to end a fight within seconds. When facing a Taekwondo practitioner, the opponent will not even know they've been hit (Taekwondo theory of speed and power) until they are lying on the ground, like a discarded piece of garbage. This may seem harsh, but the reality is that rapists and murderers are rife, and sometimes in order to protect your life, such action is vital. The student will learn how to double their power using the tools at their disposal, their own body...
31 The mental conditioning learned serves well in all other aspects of life. Dealing with
bereavement, losses and the trials of life become easier. Taekwondo's code forbids unfair assaults or unnecessary use of force. The practice of Taekwondo gives an individual an empowered metal attitude and modesty. It is true to say that the virtues of modesty and generosity are fundamentally based on self- confidence, and self-confidence also makes people generous in their attitudes towards weaker people.
Taekwondo is an excellent method of cardiovascular fitness. Within a month of training, you will sleep better.
Your body will become more efficient at disposing waste, and the blood will circulate better through the body, preventing the development of coronary heart disease in the future. Blood vessels and arteries may become suppler and blood pressure may fall.
Packing up and taking a new job, taking risks, professional and personal, become less daunting if the mind is unclouded and the outlook is positive. Women can benefit
tremendously from training. The body becomes more toned, and excess fat on the hips and legs is burned away from the special Taekwondo exercises. Weight loss is guaranteed, and a flat, toned abdominal region will result. Every Taekwondo practitioner has a solid stomach. For women who have given birth, Taekwondo is the way to regain your figure, tightening you body again, and strengthening the pelvic muscles, which are weakened through child-birth.
Taekwondo is a total body workout from head to toe.
Fads such as Tae-Bo are based on Taekwondo (Billy Blanks is a keen Taekwondo student), the exercises are all found within the art. Muscle tension and release exercises, they have to be experienced!
Taekwondo is a great way to get fit and build confidence in children. Taekwondo sets kids on the right path from an early age. Children, who start Taekwondo, tend to remain physically fit into adulthood, and have less chance of becoming ill. Once they realize how Taekwondo is benefiting them, they will do nothing to jeopardize their training (junk food, smoking, drugs, alcohol, etc). They will learn to respect their bodies and people around them, becoming more generous human beings.
People require solace in today's fast paced world, hence the popularity in self-help,
motivational theories and self-development. People are turning to Eastern philosophies in search of peace of mind, happiness and inner warmth. Taekwondo can provide that, it can provide strength of mind, body and spirit, and alleviate the stresses and pressures of modern life.
People want to go out to find new friends, meet new people. There is no better way to do this than to join a club, where you will meet like minded people. People who care about their own health will be capable of caring for others, and friends like that are invaluable.
Apart from just training, people can chat before classes, have fun training with their new friends, encourage each other to go that step further, to push themselves, congratulate them on successful execution of techniques, console them if they ever hit a plateau, and be there for each other, even staying after class to assist in stretching, techniques, etc. Taekwondo is a very social sport, and team-building is actively encouraged.
There have been many technological advances in Taekwondo. Numerous CDs and DVDs are now available, so that techniques practiced in class can be revised at home. Although a black belt instructor is vital, home study via computer or internet can greatly assist and make the learning process much faster. You will be bitten by the Taekwondo bug! If still undecided about whether to take positive steps to radically transform your life, consider this quote:
"Choosing a goal may cause only a slight change in your life's direction at first. It's like one of those huge freighters at sea: If the captain shifts course by just a few degrees, it won't be noticeable immediately. But in several hours or days, this change in direction will bring the ship to a completely different destination."
33 How can I convey an interesting personality?
You have to create your own identity, so that you have something to be passionate about and talk about, and girls can then build a picture of you, and differentiate you from other guys.
Whatever you do, you have to love it and be passionate about it. If you can't think how you can be passionate about your job, email me and tell me what you do -1 will show you how you can be passionate about your life.
Real life examples:
Sensual's Job:
I am not in computing though I use a computer. I have passed all management accountancy exams but I work as a "Customer Investment Analyst" for a mobile phone network. Basically I provide analysis on costs of handsets that we buy and sell out to channels, ie shops, web, etc. We do this at a loss so we can recoup the revenue later from calls & texts.
Sensual's Job - retold by IceDragon: I studied accountancy at university, although
'number-crunching' was not what I really wanted to do. However, I've always been focused and driven throughout my life, I never do things halfway, so I stuck at it, and completed my studies.
Let me see your mobile phone. *take girl's mobile phone*
I decided to use my degree and knowledge to make a difference, and work in a field which is relevant to everyone.
This looks like the latest model. How much did it cost you? Have you ever wondered why it's so cheap, when you take into account the technology that went into producing it?
Let me see, MP3 player, camera, web-browser, radio, there is thousands of pounds worth of technology in this little beauty. This is such a cool phone - my ex-girlfriend had the model before this. So, this phone was Free? haha! That's my job. I analyse the costs of mobile phones. We sell our handsets to retail outlets, shops, websites, etc. But I bet you're wondering how we make money by virtually giving away phones?
I work for a mobile phone network, and yes, you've guessed it, we recoup our money from the phone calls and texts that you make.
Here, I want to show you some cool photos on my phone ...
*put your hand on her shoulder* Yata's job:
As a job I work as an admin officer at Her Majesty's revenue and customs, basically sitting at a computer working through tax credit cases, boring crap work, hard to make it seem good.
Yata's job (retold by IceDragon): What do you think of when the word 'corporate criminal' or
"respectable criminal' comes to mind? You know, Al Pacino in 'Scarface', Denzel Washington in 'American Gangster'. Not only your usual Saturday night yob! haha!
Seriously, corporate crime is a vastly more intricate process than we realise. There are so much fucking scandals going on in this world. Take tax evasion, VAT fraud for instance. You may think it's no big deal, but it's costing our country billions of pounds a year, and to be perfectly honest, it's people like you and me who are being robbed, and ultimately, have to foot the bill.
34 More businessmen are being jailed due to this more than ever. That's my job, I work for the HMRC, and handle many important cases and it's really fascinating. No two days are ever the same, God, even though I work for them, sometimes I think the revenue can be a bit harsh. However, I love the job, because of the detailed cases I have to sift through, and I am constantly learning . . . how NOT to tax evadel hahahal Kiddingl Maybel
I've always wanted to investigate, ever since I was a kid, and I guess my dream is coming true. Working for a powerful government department has it's perks, i.e. pay, prestige, but it just means that I need to de-stress and relax more, due to the demanding nature of my job ... talking of which, show me how good you are at massaging . . .
*turn your back to her and signal her to rub your shoulders*
These are just a couple of examples, but you get the picture. Reframe and focus on the positive aspects of your life.
Part II - Playing The Game
36 The key to pickup success
Pickup is a skill, the skill of seduction. Like ANY skill, PICKUP CAN BE LEARNT, up to a point. No one can be taught to be a brilliant pickup artist, just as no one can be taught to be a brilliant chess player. Brilliance requires talent. Whether any of us have the talent, is in the hands of God.
However, I can teach you COMPETENCE in pickup. Competence is about not making errors. We can be taught how not to make errors, simply that.
In the same way, we can learn an error-free performance in the field. But unlike the chess player, an error-free pickup is something more. It is highly unusual. Pickup without errors is no small achievement.
As with any skill, PRACTICE is what is necessary. Reading this book will be perfectly useless in the
absence of practice.
We learn pickup by doing. So practice, Practice, Practice and Practice some more. Try out what you learn from this book. If something does not
work for you, form that opinion after you have tried it and not before. You may disagree with some of the things I say. However, TRY THINGS OUT before you disagree with them, not beforehand. Pickup should involve experimenting. Regularly - Trying to IMPROVE existing skills and trying to create NEW skills. Don't sit around. Get up and do. Practice in front of the mirror. Practice in front of friends.
Practice to and from work in the quiet of your mind on the train. Always be looking for ways of developing new tactics and gambits. Think of new ideas and in time have the courage to try them.
The importance of smiling
Pre-approach, you have to bear something in mind - the power of a well-timed (sincere looking) smile is LETHAL!
As you're walking down the street, smile at as many people as you possibly can, I don't care if they're girls, guys, kids, grannies, transvestites, homosexuals, JUST SMILE. If possible, also say hi. You see, society has conditioned people not to smile at strangers, just walk on by with a straight, emotionless expression. If you practice smiling at strangers EVERY DAY and in EVERY SITUATION, approaching girls will be TEN TIMES more effective.
I've seen guys approach girls with a solemn expression, and wonder why the hell they were blown out. If you do it properly in the street, you will get girls smiling back, looking intrigued and even approaching YOU. Take my word for it. It's happens to me all the time. I walked into this library, made eye contact with a couple of girl, smiled broadly and said 'hi' (No, I don't care whether I knew them or not, and I don't care if they respond or not).
So, I sat down on the computer and started working. I was leaning back, as if I was sitting down to watch a football game! I heard this voice say "excuse me'. I stayed where I was, but just slowly turned my head and said 'yeah'.
It was an Asian girl, stunning figure, gorgeous face, long black hair. Her perfect breasts were bursting through her red t-shirt.
She said 'I was wondering if you can help me, I'm struggling with my work'. Ok, I never met this girl in my life, and I don't look like a teacher! I said 'sure, what u struggling with?'
We started talking and flirting. She asked my name, and where I stayed. Then she asked my age. I said "I
feel really old'. She said "noooo!! you look so young!'.
I then said to her Nets work together'. She got excited and took her phone out! She said "we should exchange numbers'. I took her number, gave her mine, then told her to go and do her work as she was keeping me back from mine!
I was walking down the mall once, and decided to approach some girls. I walked, making eye-contact with everyone, and smiling. Here is the important bit.
I only opened the girls who smiled back.
So, try this, make eye-contact, smile, open, then start a conversation.
You will have no problems in getting the phone number. Just tell her to give it to you. Dont ask. It's not rocket science. You're more than capable of doing it, and I'm not going to tell you to do X, Y and Z, and bingo, you've got the number. Go out there and do it, and you will get a feel for it, and what to do and what not to do.
39 Opening Correctly
One of my female friends once told me that she was on a bus, listening to her MP3 player, and this guy came and sat next to her. He motioned for her to take her earphones out, then asked her for recommendations for MP3 players, as he was looking to buy one. I thought 'great conversation starter'. This conversation starter was very genuine, situational and observational.
However, they talked about MP3 players for the rest of the bus journey, big mistake. You have to move on from there.
You have to do a transition from your starting point and move on. The way to do this is to select something she says, and explore that. For example, if my girlfriend had said "well, I bought mine from Dixons', he could have said "oh, my sister works in Dixons, that is a great place to work; they get 40% staff discounts! So, where do you work?' Alternatively, he could have said "so, what are you listening to?'. That would have moved things on nicely, and he could have commented on the music.
After this, it is time to attract the girl. Girls are attracted
to guys who have an equal or higher value to them. You can do this by telling her a story about yourself, which is funny, but not self-depreciating. A story, which demonstrates leadership, confidence, etc.
Challenge the girl. Tell her she's fun but not your type. Tell her that you and her would not get along. This is known as disqualifying yourself.
Look out for signs that she is attracted to you, such as touching, reinitiating of conversation when you stop, giggling, playing with her hair, licking her lips, etc.
Qualify her. Ask her if she can cook, jokingly or otherwise.
Once you are past this attraction stage, you can talk about her job, even ask her name! On the bus, or on the street, you may have very little time, so arrange another meeting with her, and get her contact details.
There is no need to over-complicate this. You both enjoyed each other's company, find out common interests, and exchange numbers. It is very simple.
42
I don't know what to say to a woman!
Not knowing what to say is a problem every guy has faced when approaching a woman. Here is a tip for you. Instead of thinking of it as 'approaching a woman', reframe it in your own mind to starting a conversation.
Starting a conversation should be very natural.
The key here is that good conversation is fun. Remember,
conversation links people together, and it is the single most important factor in establishing human relations. So, why be so afraid to start a conversation?
In interactions with women you don't know, you must take the lead. Most people feel inadequate in talking to others.
However, you are different from most people. You are a man who is empowered with the help of this book.
Conversation is the art of self-expression. This is your opportunity to tell the world how you feel, let off steam and assert your individuality. Don't give a damn about what response you may or may not get. Say what you feel, to whom you feel. You ,don't need anyone's
permission to talk to them, because you want, when you want. Think of conversation as therapeutic, like gardening, fish-keeping, painting. It is an art which you will master, with practice, practice, practice and...practice. Do not worry too much about premeditated
openers, and gambits. By all means, have a couple of gambits stashed away in your head (I'll give you some GOLD soon), if you can't think of anything else, but be observant when you meet a strange woman. What is she holding? What kind of clothes is she wearing? What kind of mobile phone has she got? These questions can tell a lot about a woman.
Here is an example of what I did at a bookshop once. I was looking at some books, and this girl walked passed me, I said 'stop', she stopped and looked at me, then I said "you nearly got away there, and I would have lost my chance to talk to you'. She smiled and turned back. I asked her what she did, and then I stopped her before she answered and said "wait, let me guess - you're a psychology student'. She said that I was right, and then asked me how I knew. She had a 'psychology book in her bag'.
These observational conversation starters can be used in any environment. With this particular girl, I got her phone number her very easily.
In saying that however, it is important to not use Name approaches'. By this I mean, don't use cliched openers, which every other guy has used on a girl. You know, rapport seeking questions, such as "nice place, do you come here often?', "What do you think of the weather?', "what is your name?', "what do you do?'
You don't want to make obvious, boring comments, and you don't want to make the girl feel as if she is at an interview.
I was in this bar with a date once. She was at the bar, and this guy sidled up to her. I was sitting on the couches observing and noticed the way she closed him off with her body language and demeanour.
Later I asked her what he said to her, and she told me it was something like The drinks here are really cheap'.
I told her the reason she didn't engage him because it was a lame opener, apart from that he came across as too rapport seeking. She disagreed.
I told her that attraction was not a choice, and if she have a choice but to engage and become attracted. She continued to disagree, so I told her we would do an experiment.
I would open her, and she would tell me what she would respond with. I said "hi, how are you doing?' She said she would reply 'fine', then turn away'. I then opened her with 'tell me three things about you which would make me want to get to know you better'. It was not a question. It was an instruction. Dominance, authority, be the alpha male. She replied 'I would outsmart you and ask you to tell me 10 things about you which would make me want to get to know you better'.
