Managing Conflict How to Manage Interpersonal Conflict at Work. Overview. Leading Effectively Webinar Series

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Managing Conflict

How to Manage Interpersonal Conflict at Work Leading Effectively Webinar Series

Davida Sharpe

Center for Creative Leadership Talula Cartwright Center for Creative Leadership

Overview

•

The definition of conflict

• Why managing conflict is important

• 5 styles of conflict management

• 7 constructive approaches to management

• The nature of a win-win strategy

People with effective conflict management behaviors were also those with leadership behaviors deemed effective by supervisors, peers and direct reports.

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Conflict:

• Any situation in which people have

incompatible goals, interests, principles

or feelings

Why is managing conflict

important?

Path of Conflict

Constructive Responses

Behaviors that keep conflict to a minimum

Destructive Responses

Behaviors that escalate or prolong conflict

Precipitating Event and/or Hot Buttons

Task-focused Conflict

• Focus on task and problem solving

• Positive affect

• Tension decreases

• Group functioning improves

Person-focused Conflict

• Focus on personalities

• Negative emotions (anger, frustration)

• Tension increases

• Group functioning decreases

Conflict De-escalates Conflict Escalates

Initiate Conflict

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Conflict Management Begins Inside the Leader

Sharpen YourSaw

Personal Assessment

What Messages Did You Receive About Conflict?

• “Don’t let people walk all over you.”

• “Stand up for your rights.”

• “Fight to the bitter end.”

• “Avoid fighting.”

• “It’s not nice to be angry.”

Hidden Impact on Conflicts

Your “Hot Buttons”

Early commandments Unresolved past conflicts

Fears

Personality traits

Strong needs

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What Are “Hot Buttons”?

• Intense emotional reactions to specific people, events, or situations that are caused by personal vulnerabilities

• Consequences of past hurts more than present reality

Examples of Hot Buttons

• Unreliable • Overly analytical

• Unappreciative • Aloof

• Micro-managing • Self-centered

• Abrasive • Untrustworthy

• Hostile

Managing Yourself

• Give up analyzing who is “right”

and “wrong”

• Recognize the relativity and roots of your viewpoint

• Be willing to re-examine (and change?) your beliefs about the conflict

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Once you’ve got yourself under

control ... then what?

Managing Yourself

Constructive and Destructive Conflict Behaviors

Path of Conflict

Constructive Responses

Behaviors that keep conflict to a minimum

Destructive Responses

Behaviors that escalate or prolong conflict

Precipitating Event and/or Hot Buttons

Task-focused Conflict

• Focus on task and problem solving

• Positive affect

• Tension decreases

• Group functioning improves

Person-focused Conflict

• Focus on personalities

• Negative emotions (anger, frustration)

• Tension increases

• Group functioning decreases

Conflict De-escalates Conflict Escalates

Initiate Conflict

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Constructive Responses

Behaviors that research demonstrates to be

highly effective in keeping the harmful

effects of conflict to a minimum

Constructive responses emphasize:

• task-completion and focus on problem-solving

• creative problem solving and focus on exchange of ideas

• expression of positive emotions and optimism

• not provoking the other person

Perspective Taking

–Imagines what the other person is thinking and feeling –Tries to understand how things look from that person’s

perspective Creating Solutions

–Attempts to generate creative solutions

–Brainstorms with the other person to create new ideas Expressing Emotions

–Talks honestly and directly to the other person –Directly communicates their feelings at the time

Reaching Out

–Tries to repair the emotional damage caused by the conflict –Makes the first move to get the communication started again Reflective Thinking

–Analyzes the situation to determine the best course of action –Reflects on the best way to proceed

Delay Responding

–Delays responding until the situation has settled down –Lets things calm down before proceeding

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Adapting

–Tries to stay flexible and optimistic –Tries to make the best of the situation

Typical Outcomes of Constructive Responses

• Win-win solutions

• Open and honest communication of feelings

• Both parties’ needs are met

• Non-judgmental actions

• Not sticking adamantly to one position

• Actively resolving conflict (not allowing conflict to continue)

• Thoughtful responses (not impulsive)

• Team performance improves

Destructive Responses

Behaviors that research has demonstrated to

escalate or prolong conflict

Destructive responses emphasize:

• negative expression of emotions

• trying to win — no matter what

• lack of respect for the other person

• avoiding conflict rather than facing it

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Examples of Destructive Responses

Winning

–Argues vigorously for their own position –Tries to win at all costs

Displaying Anger –Raises their own voice –Uses harsh, angry words Demeaning Others

–Rolls their eyes when the other person speaks –Is sarcastic towards that person

Retaliating –Tries to get even

–Passively obstructs the other person Avoiding

–Acts distant and aloof toward that person –Keeps as much distance as possible from

that person Yielding

–Lets the other person have their way in order to avoid further conflict

–Gives in to the other person just to make life easier all the way around

Hiding Emotions –Hides their true feelings –Feels upset but doesn’t show it Self-Criticizing

–Is critical of self for not handling the conflict better –Replays the incident over and over in

their mind

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Typical Outcomes of Destructive Responses

• Feelings of anger and frustration

• Judgmental actions

• Getting even and keeping score

• Other party does not have needs met

• Closed channels of communication

• Refusing to deal with issues

• Decreased self-confidence

• Tasks not completed

• Team performance decreases

Active and Passive Responses to Conflict

Research further demonstrates the usefulness of classifying conflict-related responses into two additional categories

• Active

– Active behaviors involve overt responses, taking action, or making an effort. Outcome can be either constructive or destructive.

• Passive

– Passive behaviors involve withholding a response, not taking action, or not making an effort. Outcome can be either constructive or destructive.

Conflict Response Categories

Avoiding Yielding Hiding Emotions Self-criticizing Reflective Thinking

Delay Responding Adapting

Winning at All Costs Displaying Anger Demeaning Others Retaliating Perspective Taking

Creating Solutions Expressing Emotions Reaching Out

Constructive Destructive

ActivePassive

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Examining Your Personal Conflict Style

Concern for Self-assertiveness Focus on Issues Concern for Others Focus on Team Relationships

Thomas, K. W., & Kilmann, R. H. (1974). Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument. Palo Alto, CA: Consulting Psychologists Press, Inc.

H H

L L

Accommodating Collaborating

Dominating Avoiding

Compromising Possible Solutions

Accommodating

•“Submission”

•Make concessions to cultivate the relationship

•Relationship is more important than the issue

Collaborating

Dominating Avoiding

Compromising

H

H H

L L

Possible Solutions

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Collaborating

•Partnering

•Team problem-solving approach

•Develop mutual options based on mutual gain

•Focus on mutual interests not position Accommodating

Dominating Avoiding

Compromising

H H

L

Possible Solutions

Dominating Avoiding

•Abdicate

•Avoid disagreement and pressure

•Accept their position

Compromising

H

H H

L L

Possible Solutions

Accommodating Collaborating

Dominating

•Push for your solution

•Maintain hard position on issues Avoiding

Compromising

H H

L L

Possible Solutions

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H

H H

L L

Dominating Avoiding

Compromising Possible Solutions

Prescription for Resolving Conflict

• Handle your emotions

• Unhook your hot buttons

• Listen; ask questions

• Search for common ground

Final Summary

Leading Effectively Webinar Series

Managing Conflict How to Manage Interpersonal Conflict at Work. Overview. Leading Effectively Webinar Series