Speed Seduction®
Coaching Program
“Ask Me Anything”
Coaching Call
Transcript
Monday,
November 24,
2008
Created By
Ross Jeffries
The “Guru of Getting Some”
Website:
http://www.speedseduction.biz
For the smart guy who refuses to resort to
bullying
,
begging
,
Disclaimer
The Speed Seduction® Coaching Program may contain viewpoints that may be considered controversial by certain audiences. It is intended as a powerful guide for self-respecting, intelligent men who are looking to avoid from "real-hate-shun-ships by default" and instead claim the happiness that they deserve.
I, Ross Jeffries, Ghita Services., Inc, and/or SpeedSeduction.biz (or any of our other websites or entities) cannot and will not be held responsible in any way for your actions, and will not be held liable for any and all claims from you or any other third party.
You alone are responsible for your decisions and actions, even if they have an impact on others. This information is meant for "entertainment" purposes only.
While this transcript contains information, tips, tools, and strategies that are recommended by us and, in most cases, have succeeded when applied by others, this product and its contents carry no warranty or guarantee (either explicit or implied) that the purchaser or reader will achieve success with women, or in any other endeavor for which they may be used.
Ross: One thing I’ll try doing is scheduling one of these calls during the day to make it easier for people who live overseas.
The other day I was talking to someone during the Office Hours. If you haven’t taken advantage of the coaching program Office Hours, I can’t encourage you strongly enough to do that. We do it once a month.
Once a month, I am open for three hours. The first 90 minutes is on a cell phone and catch me as you can. The second 90 minutes is on my Mega Meeting System. We can have up to 15 people at a time, video-to-video conferencing in a video conference room. It’s really good quality and lots of fun.
Someone caught me during the Office Hours on the cell phone. He was struggling to understand it all. He said, “How can I take on your mindset as I’m learning this? How can I learn to think about this the way you think about it?”
The biggest piece that I can tell you is to understand that Speed Seduction® and everything I’m teaching you is not just about some memorized phrases or pieces of behavior, although that is a part of it. It’s much more about a mindset, a way of looking at the world that’s very non-intuitive and counterculture. Well, it is intuitive, but it’s counter to how you’re used to thinking.
It really goes like this. The experiences and phenomena like feeling attraction, love, being drawn to someone and desire, most people view as either things or qualities that are attached to the
personality. I view them as processes and activities. If you learn to tune in, you can watch them happening. You can look at the various different components and arrange them so they occur pretty much at will.
That’s the first real conceptual idea that you really have to grab. It’s not just in terms of women, but in terms of everybody. What other people view as random occurrences, you see as processes going on inside other human beings. This is absolutely crucial.
The second big conceptual pillar to get is that Speed Seduction® is really about an orientation toward a woman’s emotions first. It’s not about, “Where should I take her? What should I do? How do I get her to blow me?”
It is about orienting toward a woman’s emotions. What are the emotions you want her to feel around you? What are the states of mind? What are the levels of mind you want to evoke in her so that she perceives you through those emotions and in that level of her mind? Having the orientation of not being overly focused on her behavior and first focusing on feelings and emotional states is huge.
The third orientation is becoming really comfortable with, and even excited by uncertainty. When you don’t know what’s going to happen, rather than assuming that means you’re going to fail, it simply means to pay attention. You’re about to learn something.
Too many people take on the mindset that if something is unfamiliar early in the conversation or not immediately clear, it must means they have to fail. In fact, that’s not what the signal means. This is really crucial. You need to take on the mindset that being uncertain and not knowing what will happen exactly is only a sign to get ready because you’re going to stretch yourself and learn.
It’s one thing to pay lip service to that. It’s another thing to really take it on as your orientation. It’s not just with women. It’s toward the world. This makes you extremely attractive.
Please hear me correctly. I love the language tools. I use them all the time. I can’t help it. That orientation is what I call “extraction confidence,” which is a new term I’ve come up with. Extraction confidence simply means that you are going to extract the maximum learning, meaning and feeling that serve you from each and every situation.
The attitude is, “Do you know what? No matter what happens with this person, event or circumstance, I’m going to learn from it. It may not come out the way I want it to, but I decide what I’m going to learn from it.”
“I decide what learning I’m going to extract and learn from every person, event, situation, action, decision and occurrence in my life. I decide what meaning I’m going to extract from every person, event, circumstance and situation in my life. I decide what I’m going to feel with each and every situation, person, circumstance, event, decision and action in my life.”
It really is a matter of taking on an orientation that says you are the locus of control. It’s a completely different kind of confidence. Almost no one in the world really truly operates from this place. They operate from a place of, “I’ve got to get this person to do something.” That is the beggar, the fearful person. “I wonder if I could get them to do it.” That’s also the beggar and fearful person. There is also, “I know I can get what I want from that person.” That is the predator.
If you’re not the predator, but you’re not the beggar either, you’re someone who thinks, “I’m not sure exactly what’s going to happen, but I know I’m going to learn something. If I do it right, chances are I will get what I want, or even better.” That’s the orientation I would really like you guys to take on.
Those are the conceptual pillars. If you get those, then everything else I’m teaching you flies inside of them and becomes much more effective. Imagine what your situation would be like if that’s how you walked into every room and through the world.
Think about it. This is the kind of confidence that doesn’t end in you having any skill in the situation. You can have that kind of confidence right now. It’s actually really pretty attractive. It doesn’t come off as greasy or slimy or slick.
How many of you feel that you already have at least some of this orientation?
Participant: I do.
Ross: On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you have this orientation? Participant: It’s a 7.5 to 8.
Ross: That’s very good. What were your big turning points in terms of taking on that orientation?
Participant: It was a lot of just continuing to go through the exercises and things like the “Unstoppable Confidence” CD. It was practicing and rehearsing the patterns until I became so comfortable with them that I knew them backward and forward. I could easily just transfer from one to another. If I screwed one up, I could continue on. That’s helped a lot.
Ross: I’m very curious. In that process of practicing, what were some of your major breakthroughs? I’m sure you had some moments when you thought, “Wait a minute! Whoa, this really works!” or, “I can handle it even if it doesn’t work at first.” Do you recall some of your major breakthroughs?
Participant: I was at a small concert of about 100 people. I walked up without any hesitation, two separate times, to the two hottest women in the place. I walked up and simply said, “I have to tell you that you have the most amazing smile.” The response was instantaneous and wonderful. They really loved it.
I came to find out that they were very happily married and introduced me to their husbands. I was able to handle that by saying, “You are married to the most remarkable woman.”
Ross: I thought you were going to say that these two hot women were married to each other. I was getting all steamy.
Participant: I’m working that one too with a couple of lesbian girls.
Ross: What I like and what I hear is the way that you use the pause. “I just have to tell you, you have the most amazing smile.” That was very well done.
Participant: I learned that from you, from the basic home study course.
Ross: It takes awhile for your orientation to shift, particularly if you haven’t been with a woman in awhile or you’ve had a lot of defeats or setbacks. It’s difficult at first. It’s a real challenge to take on that orientation.
I’m about to do my special end-of-the-year recommendation issue, where I recommend books, CDs and websites. There is a book called The Fifth Discipline. The author’s name escapes me at the moment. There is a chapter on personal mastery. He talks about the gap between where you are now and where you see yourself. Where you are now, the image of who you would like to be and being able to resolve the frustration or uncertainty between those two places is really a part of personal mastery. It seems to me that
taking on a playful attitude is really a good way to handle that tension and uncertainty in between those two places. It sounds to me like you have your playful attitude going really well. I like that. If you have questions or comments about this topic, you’re welcome to ask them. Otherwise, we’re just going to take in your individual questions about anything you want. Do we have any questions on this topic?
John: I’d like to offer a comment. I rank myself between a 7 and 8 as well on that subject. That’s also from your teaching. It’s not so much mastery of the patterns. The biggest breakthrough for me was realizing that nothing has meaning except for the meaning that I give it. I used to have so many things that held me back, but it was all in my head. Once I started getting rid of those things, which is thanks to your teaching, I could see that really I walk through the world that I want to create.
Ross: How long did it take you from your first desire to take on that orientation until it really became the way you handle your life? John: I would say from the first realization to actually feeling that quite
comfortably, just the realization was very quick. It was like the penny dropped. Before that, I really did not have a concept that that was a reality.
Once I had that realization, it was like the shroud was lifted from my eyes. Then there was a period where I had to process things out and I was constantly finding beliefs that I started to question. I
would just say, “Wait a second? Is that true?” It just changed everything instantaneously, but it did take awhile to process all the old habits out.
Ross: This is part of the difference between Speed Seduction® and the other schools out there. They’re teaching some tactics to do. I’m assisting you in transforming how you look at your world. To make Speed Seduction® really work, you really need that transformation happening.
Mickey: What’s happened with me is it’s been almost somewhat of a perfect storm that slowly developed. What I did was totally saturate myself in this stuff, starting with your home study course.
Ross: What was your method for saturating yourself in it?
Mickey: My method was when I was home in front of the computer, I would either be reading or listening to the CDs or watching the DVDs. I would listen to the CDs in my truck. I took little flashcards to work. I work in a kitchen, so what I do becomes routine sometimes. I can multitask and do two things at once. I saturated myself in the home study course and the Gold Walk-Up DVD. I started getting into your meditation and breathing exercises.
Then what really put it all together was the 3.0. That was amazing. It literally brought it all together at once.
Mickey: It’s awesome work. I love it. It was so great for me to be a part of all the prior stuff and see it come together. It just clarified so much for me. I’ve never had a big confidence problem. I’m pretty good with people.
My problem up until this was that I never had the language or understood women in the way that you’ve shown me. What I’ve seen turn around for me has not been so much with what I’m doing. I’m just amazed by the amount of attractive women and how they respond to me.
Ross: You used the word “amazed.” I don’t think you’re exaggerating. The first few times you do this stuff and it actually works you think, “Wait a minute! How could that be?” I think sometimes people look at me with my girlfriend and wonder. I know for a fact they do.
We went to a wedding and I heard it from my nephews. Someone ran up to them and said, “How did that old guy get that really hot date?” I just laugh because I know how this stuff works. You’re right, it is amazing to see.
I know this stuff works. I’ve been doing it since 1988 and teaching it since 1992. I know it works. I know how it works. I can predict when it works and it still amazes me every time. It really is a remarkable thing.
Mickey: What really gets me is the fact that I know it’s changed me internally. The way I can tell that is the glances I get from beautiful women. Before when I walked by them, they didn’t give me a
second look. Now they seem to be somewhat magnetized toward me without me even doing or saying anything. It feels like it has to be the vibe I’m carrying.
Ross: I told you so, didn’t I? Mickey: Yes, you did.
Armand: Ross, I purchased your 3.0 Deluxe about two weeks ago. I’m really overwhelmed. It’s incredible. I have so much stuff to learn and I’m really enjoying it.
I know you told us not to memorize the patterns, just understand them, but I memorized them.
Ross: Let me correct something. I never said don’t memorize them. I want to be really clear on what I did say. I said that if you’re going to memorize them, understand that they’re only examples. They’re just examples of the way things work. It is okay to memorize them as long as you understand how they work.
Since you have the 3.0 course, you know I went to great lengths to have students dissect and analyze it. I wound up learning some things from the students that I didn’t even realize as to why and how it works.
I have no objection. I even encourage people, “Go ahead and memorize, but understand what you’re doing and why it works the way it works first, then memorize as much as you like.”
Armand: Two nights ago, I went to a wedding. I met two girls who were sisters. I’m an ordinary looking guy, but they found me interesting and attractive. I applied a story to them.
In the middle of the story, I noticed one sister was not paying attention to me. She was looking somewhere else. I said to myself, “Maybe because she’s already attracted to me, she’s not paying attention to what the material is.” That was my experience. Maybe I talked too fast and didn’t pause.
Ross: She may have been entranced, looking away while her mind takes in everything you’re saying. How do you know she wasn’t paying attention?
Armand: She wasn’t looking at me. She was looking at the wall.
Ross: She could have been looking at the wall in deep trance. Do you understand? I’m visualizing it in my mind. Sometimes people are very deep in trance. They’re not looking at you. Sometimes people will look away so they can visualize better. Did she have a blank look on her face?
Armand: She had a blank look. Then she would look at me again, and it was blank. Then she told me in the middle of a sentence, “Oh, you’re going to her place without her permission?”
I said, “Yes, I know I’m not supposed to come in. I have to make an appointment. But it was so inviting I just had to go in.” She said, “Oh, okay.” Then I continued my story.
She was very attractive. She even had a boyfriend. She said, “We should get Thai food together sometime. You live in Riverside. I live by Riverside.” It worked. I just want to make sure.
Ross: It sounds like she was in trance. That’s the first thing. Did you do the other part of it? Remember, when you do the pattern, then you turn around and reverse it.
Armand: Yes, but because I didn’t have it fully memorized toward the end, I babbled the last three or four sentences and came up with my own things to say.
Ross: Sounds like she was in a nice trance. She was looking at the wall. Was she talking to anyone or just looking right at the wall?
Armand: Just looking. She wasn’t saying anything.
Ross: If she was just looking at the wall, she was probably in a trance, dude.
Participant: Can I utilize these patterns on the phone if I meet someone on eHarmony online dating?
Ross: Yes, you can. Let me give you a piece of advice. Don’t do too much of it. The purpose of the phone call is to set up the next meeting. I
like to talk to girls. I used to do this and became their porn phone buddy. That’s not what you want.
Understand what you’re aiming at. You’re not there to talk to them on the phone a million times. Sometimes if you get really good on the phone, you can use that as an excuse for not taking action in the world when it’s right in front of you. “I’ll just get her when she’s on the phone. I’m not quite sure what I’m going to say in person, so I’ll talk to her on the phone.” Then you lose the moment.
Yes, you can use it on the phone. I have no problem with that, but be careful and understand that you want to get with them in the real world, face to face. You can’t reach through the phone and lick them or vice versa.
Tim: Occasionally, I have found myself running Blammo, or trying to run Blammo, and I can’t get a girl to identify the picture and point to it. I’m wondering if there’s a different way to approach that if she hesitates or isn’t sure how to find that.
Ross: The Blammo is an example of what kind of pattern? You know the answer to this.
Tim: Hypno-sexual accelerator pattern.
Ross: It’s also a demonstration that requires her active participation. The thing to realize about the Blammo is that I created that in ’93. My understanding of some of the aspects of this was not what it is today.
The Blammo does work, but early on before I would do the Blammo with someone, I would observe to see how well they visualized. Some people are just not good visualizers.
Remember, there are four doorways into a woman’s mind: getting her to visualize, getting her to talk to herself, getting her to feel the flow of feelings in her body whether that’s strong emotion or just physical sensation and eliciting values and getting into her value structure.
The Blammo is an example of using the doorway of visualizing. From there, we use the visualizations to get body feeling. Some women are just not particularly good visualizers. Anymore, before I do something like the Blammo, I see, “Are they good visualizers? Can they even track it in their mind?”
That’s a simple matter of observing. If you’re doing something mild, like the Twin Brothers test, you can pretty well see if she’s visualizing clearly. You can watch her pupil dilation and eye movement.
If she looks up and to the left and says, “Yes, we would go to the Bahamas,” she’s visualizing because her pupils are dilating, and she’s looking up at some kind of internal image. That will tell you that you can go ahead and do something like the Blammo. When I do this, I get really good to the point where I know which doorway is going to work within a minute of talking to them.
If they have trouble visualizing, just move onto something else. Say, “Never mind. Here’s something else I find interesting.” Just move on from it.
Tim: That’s exactly what I do. How do you go about managing expectations?
Ross: First and foremost, if you don’t want to be a boyfriend, don’t act like one. Don’t ask her out on dates. What expectations do you want to manage? Do you mean that you don’t want to be a boyfriend, or do you mean you don’t want to do anything other than sex? You manage expectations by being clear to yourself about what you want and don’t want.
Are you clear at this moment? Remember, your expectations of what you want may change. Are you clear about what you want from women at this point in your life? That’s going to change. It never stays the same, and that’s as it should be. Right now, at this stage where you are, do you know what you want and don’t want? Tim: Yes.
Ross: What are you looking for? Bootie calls? Multiple relationships? Tim: I’m looking for multiple relationships.
Ross: Managing expectations is, first of all, knowing what you want. Second is your behavior. If you act and express yourself in the way that someone who’s looking for a monogamous, committed
relationship would act and express themselves, then you’re setting up the expectation that that’s what you’re willing to deliver.
For example, if all you want is a bootie call, don’t take them out on dates. You just need to hang out and watch a video or go back to your place.
Think about it this way. What are all the actions, behaviors and expressions you would do and say if you were looking for something? Just subtract those out.
Ross: Second, as much as possible, be clear about what you are and aren’t looking for. I have found that if you give women what they really want and the emotions they’re really looking for, they’ll stick around for at least a while but maybe not for a long time.
When you’re persuasive, you have to know when to be cagey and when to just be direct, when to imply and when to say it directly. Sometimes you should be up front and say, “I’m not looking for one person. I’m in a place where I’m looking for a lot of people. I’m open to finding that person who will meet all my needs. Maybe you could be that person and maybe not. I don’t know. I’m just telling you where I’m coming from.”
She’ll respect your honesty. She’ll see you as a challenge or she’ll walk away. She may say, “No. I don’t want that,” which is fine. Is there a specific situation that you’re in at the moment that you’re dealing with, a specific woman who’s giving you a hard time?
Tim: No. I’m getting pretty close to something with that Russian girl, Kazakhstani girl. I’m thinking, “Do I want this to be a relationship, or do I want it to be a bootie call?
Ross: Don’t count your Kazakhstanis until you get them on their backies. Have you done the “Borat” with her?
Tim: We have not done the “Borat.”
Ross: [Sexy tan 9:20] then it’s too late. You’re far too early, man. You’re
revving your motor and haven’t even put the key in the ignition. [Inaudible 9:30] on the way. You haven’t done the sexy tan.
Tim: Fair enough.
Ross: Do you know what will turn her on? Talk to her like you’re Borat. Have you mentioned “Borat” at all?
Tim: I haven’t. I haven’t seen the movie. I’m going to have to rent that or buy it.
Ross: Kazakhstan priority is horse, plow, dog, woman. You might want to avoid that.
Tim: I don’t think I’ll play that.
Ross: By the way, Double T, have you been watching the video modules in the members area?
Tim: I just got through downloading them this evening. I’ll get them transferred over to DVD tomorrow because I don’t work tomorrow. Ross: You’ll love those.
Tim: I love everything you do.
Ben: There was something you mentioned in the 3.0 course about ritually reversing your vibe. You did that every week. I’m curious if there’s a quick version of that you can go over with us.
Ross: Yes. In fact, when I do December’s Answers on Video module, I’m definitely going to do one on this because it’s a good question. First, the role of ritual is something I find very important and enjoyable in my life. It’s really about setting aside a very special time and space, both physically and mentally in your mind, to combine your will, imagination, body and intent to create what you want.
You might want to consider ritual as being a multimedia thing. The difference between ritual and just going into a trance, imagining something, is that ritual involves symbol, movement and activity. It’s not a trance.
I go to the beach. I’ll do about a half an hour of energized breathing. Some of the energized breathing I do standing and some
of it I do sitting down. Do you have my Magick & Psychic Influence course?
Ben: No.
Ross: You should get that because I go into this in great detail. I live about a five-minute walk from the ocean. I’m really close to the beach. I don’t like being any more than a mile from the sea.
I will draw a diamond in the sand. Each corner of the diamond will represent a different vibe. I will stand on that point and say, “This is the vibe that represents being dominant, being in control with the attitude of ‘I’m not your girlfriend with a penis. I’m a guy. At some point, I could fuck you, and I’m also going to make sure that you’re safe.’”
Then I step inside the center of that diamond and turn around to face that resource. I see it as a symbol, like some wavy lines. You can even create a symbol. I say, “I command you to stand outside of the diamond, sending your energy into me for the successful working of this ritual.”
Then I go to each point of the diamond and do that very same thing. Once I’ve done that and take them all in, I do a couple of other things to seal it up inside me ritually.
The important thing about ritual is that it involves physical movement. You physically move. When you stand in each corner of the diamond and take on the mindset of that vibe, you want to feel
what that feels like in your body. You want to speak the way you’d speak coming from this vibe.
Do you understand what I’m saying? You want to make it a multimodal, not a multimedia, experience. You’re really wiring into your physiology.
Ben: Do you do that in the middle of the ritual? In mid-ritual, if you’re in the sincere vibe, you actually say something that’s very sincere or heartfelt.
Ross: Absolutely. I’ll even go that far.
Then the other thing is that I start actually walking or jumping from point-to-point so I’m wiring in being able to move quickly from one to the other.
This sounds absolutely ridiculous. It’s completely not left brain. It’s very right brain. Often when you are stuck, never ever underestimate the ability of one absurdity to successfully handle another. It’s the idea that you have to fail with women or date them is absurd, too. There’s no real logic to it or law of science. Never underestimate the power of the absurd to take care of the absurd. If you try to get this solely through left-brain dialog, talking to yourself, just thinking the right thought, it’ll change. I’ve found when there’s a big gap that you have to get your body moving. You have to breathe and use physiology. You have to use symbology.
Even though it may seem not irrational but non-rational, in fact, that’s where the real leverage is. Does that make some sense? Ben: Yes, it does. You almost said it in the course. I guess it makes
sense now. You’re just rehearsing the feeling and the whole mind/body thing, including speech, visualization, sensation and the whole shebang as far as each corner of the walk of diamond or vibe.
Ross: Then I do something to close the ritual. I say, “This ritual is ended. I release all expectation of result.” Then I laugh out loud. I laugh like a lunatic because that’s the way it releases the expectation of result.
So much of what we’re talking about today about being successful involves just working yourself into a white heat and never losing sight of the goal. That’s a huge error because you bring up all your conscious and unconscious doubts and resistances.
You need to know when to let go. You actually make as much progress by learning when to ease up as you do bearing down on things. Does that make any sense?
Ben: It does. I think it will make more sense after I practice a little bit. Ross: My seminar schedule is going to be announced at the end of this
week, if not the beginning of next week. We’re going to do two seminars in January in Los Angeles. One will be a Magick & Psychic Influence seminar. I haven’t done one in four years.
The following weekend, we’ll do a Speed Seduction® seminar. You may want to consider coming out to that. If not, at the very least, get the Magick & Psychic Influence course.
It’s odd. I’ve had that course out since ’97. It’s the third bestselling item over the past 11 years consistently. I don’t promote it. I promote the hell out of my home study course. I promote the hell out of Nail Your Inner Game program. I don’t promote the Magick & Psychic Influence course at all.
Ben: People still buy it.
Ross: Yes, it’s weird. I don’t know what’s going on there.
Ben: I have one other question pertaining to vibe. I’ve noticed a recently that my vibes can bleed together a little bit. I’ll intend to be sincere and just turn it instantly into a joke or vice versa. I’m planning to clown around then come out of nowhere with sincerity. Is that a natural progression thing, or am I just getting sloppy?
Ross: No, that’s called “fractionating.” That’s fantastic! They never know what to expect.
Listen to me. I’m talking in a low voice because my girlfriend is in the next room. I am an old, pretty ugly mother fucker. I got hit with a smart stick, but I also got hit with the ugly stick pretty hard. I can present myself to look okay.
When you know how to move among these different vibes, you can do several. You don’t have to lean on any of them. When you know when to be really strong and commanding then demonstrate deep understanding of her world and when to be funny and joking around, knocking her off her fence then sincere, you cannot imagine.
I have had a ton of unbelievably attractive, much younger women who had boyfriends. They tell me that they love their boyfriend. An hour later, they’re blowing me in the bedroom, and he’s in the living room.
For the people listening to this, you really can’t conceive how powerful this fractionation stuff is. The early Speed Seduction® stuff was the application programs. Now we’re touching the source code, operating system and machine code of how women are wired, which is really cool.
The fractionation is a part of it. If you combine that with the right attitude of walking through the world embracing uncertainty, at the same time letting the other person have radical permission to have their first response to you, then adding into the mix the mastery of language pattern, it is ridiculous what you can do.
To anyone who doesn’t know this stuff, it appears to be some kind of magick. Maybe it is magick. If you’re touching the source code, operating system and machine language of how people work, maybe that is magic. I don’t know.
Ben: I don’t know what’s more magic than that.
Ross: You’re making big progress because you’re fractionating. Good on you, man!
Ben: It’s the kind of thing where you do it enough, and you just start tapping without thinking about it. Then you think, “Whoa, shit, I did that!”
Ross: Yes, in fact, consciously, I’m trained to recognize my patterns. When I’m doing something, I recognize the pattern of what I’m doing. That’s what I have to feature. You can get your own consciousness to start recognizing, “This works. Let’s repeat it! Do it again.”
What was your first exposure to my material?
Ben: My very first exposure was back in 2002 or 2003. At the time, the very thought of approaching a woman in public or something like that made me very anxious. I thought, “Oh god!” I couldn’t bear to visualize it let alone do it. Now, it’s wild. I’ve changed.
Ross: Thank you. I get the sense that one of the differences with what I’m doing is that I’m getting guys in their 30s, 40s and 50s. They’re successful people. They’re well educated. They had a career or have a career currently.
They’ve never been able to match the success they’ve had in their career with their personal and love life. They’ve never been able to
lift up their love life to the standard of their career, academic success or intellectual understanding of the world.
It sounds like you’re one of those guys. How old are you? Ben: I’m only 33 years old.
Ross: Are you a professional?
Ben: I just finished a college degree, so I’m working on being professional right now.
Ross: What’s your degree in?
Ben: Information systems management. Ross: That’s means you’re smart.
Ben: I won’t deny that.
John: I have a question about dealing with people in my life who may have known my former AFC behavior. I’m just wondering if you have any insights in how to deal with them now.
Ross: If you suddenly won the Euro Lottery and went from having no money to having $500 million, would you worry about how other people adjusted to it? Would they have a problem adjusting to it?
John: That’s true. I’m thinking more of people who I care about and want to keep in my life. I’m just wondering. Sometimes doing pattern language on a stranger seems a little more comfortable.
Ross: Here’s what I recommend. First, understand that in knowing what to observe in other people, there’s a passive side to it. It’s not something that anyone can detect. It’s going on in between your ears and uses your senses, eyes and ears to pick up things from people that normally you would miss.
One thing you can do when you’re around people you’ve known for a long time is to use your filters. Begin to notice when they’re naturally using their own trance words. Begin to notice when they’re speaking from a personal metaphor. They might say, “Life is war,” or, “I hit that one out of the ballpark, and there was no one on the other team to catch it” when they’re talking about business.
With them, use the tools of observation and insight. Use your ability to hear when people are talking from the deeper level of their mind, when they’re speaking metaphorically without even being aware of it and when they’re speaking logically and rationally.
See if you can get up inside people’s self-anchors and what do they do with their expressions, physiology and gestures to indicate they’re going into a state. When they’re talking about something that really excites them, they may say, “Mmmm,” or whatever it may be.
When you use those tools, no one can catch you using them. They’re completely passive. You’re not doing anything that requires they respond to you. Does that make sense?
John: Yes, that’s very helpful.
Ross: Remember, patterns are designed to be, among other things, delivery vehicles for embedded commands and suggestions, John. When you do patterns, it’s important to use embedded commands, John, because people can’t use commands, John.
It’s interesting, isn’t it? I’m really leaning on it there, just so you can hear it. I would never be that unsubtle in real life, except sometimes it is fun to be unsubtle just to see what happens.
Try dropping in a command or suggestion or two to see how people respond. Just try it occasionally, not a full-blown, “Have you ever?” or discovery pattern. Just try dropping in a few commands and suggestions to see what happens.
I think you’ve seen me on video do the little unconscious nod when I say something then slightly nod my head when I say it. I do that at the end of saying it and look to see if people give the little nod back. Play with that. Say, “I just think that’s so interesting,” and when you say it, nod your head a little bit. If they nod back a little bit, that means you got them. Play with that little unconscious nod when you offer a suggestion or command.
Ross: I want to help you. The other thing you can and should do is play with your vibe. For one afternoon, no matter who you encounter or who already knows you, you’re going to come from the vibe of being really commanding.
For each of the four vibes, take a dice and roll it. Five and six don’t count. There are no vibes for them. Roll the dice, and whatever number one through four comes up, that’s the vibe you’ll be in for the next hour. Randomly play with vibes with the people who already know you.
John: I should play more.
Ross: You know what I mean when I say “play more.” Let’s be really clear that you understand what’s it’s driving you toward.
John: I understand. That’s very helpful.
Ross: Have you looked at the video modules yet? John: Yes, they are great teaching modules.
Ross: I just put up the Instructional video module this weekend. Have you looked at that one? It’s about using put-ons.
John: I started watching that one. I haven’t finished it yet. I started watching it late at night.
Ross: It’s really good. You have to watch that one. John: I’ll watch it tonight when this call is done.
Ross: Remember, it’s about getting girls to come to your holes. Mickey: It’s a nice snowy night in Michigan.
Ross: How cold is it?
Mickey: It hasn’t been above 30 degrees for over a week, and the 10-day forecast isn’t going above 30 degrees.
Ross: My girlfriend is from Stockholm, Sweden, and she’s complaining that it is cold out here. It is 65 degrees outside. In two weeks, I’m flying out to San Francisco. I can’t wait.
Mickey: I’m sure you’ve seen some of the posts in the coaching discussion forums. Since our last call, I’ve had some awesome luck with you leading me toward utilizing food, since I’m a chef. I’m using cooking and food. It’s blown my game wide open.
Ross: It was good advice, wasn’t it?
Mickey: It was awesome. The thing is that it was just sitting in front of me the whole time, but I was so damn enthralled and focused on your stuff that I never even thought of incorporating mine with it.
Ross: It always works best when you take my rules and follow your own content through my rules. Then it’s a natural feeling, and you’re familiar with it.
Mickey: I have an approach now. I have an opener. I’ve come up with patterns and non sequiturs. I’ve come up with boyfriend destroyers. Ross: Structurally, what’s going on is that wealth of unconscious familiarity you have with your own subject. You’re familiar with all the language, lingo, technical jargon and metaphors for being a chef and cooking. You’ve mapped over what’s unfamiliar into what’s familiar and combined them in a way where now you’re generating shit left and right.
This is a time to take care of your health. Make sure you have condoms on hand. Watch your health and physical safety. If you’re not already dipping into it, you will be very shortly, in some crazy ways.
John: I already am. I’m flying out to San Francisco in a couple of weeks to hook up with this 22-year-old I met back here.
Ross: How old are you? John: I’m 44.
Ross: You’re 44, and she’s 22. How hot is she on a scale of one to 10? John: I’d give her an 8.5.
Ross: That’s pretty good when they’re half your age.
John: Like you say, she has the potential of becoming a 9.5.
Ross: I know what you’re saying. Were you able to do that prior to using these tools?
John: No, definitely not with women that young. No way. I was doing the old AFC thing. I was the charmer and complimented them on their beauty or physique and got the “Are you sick?” results.
Ross: I love opening the door to forbidden success for people. I love helping people break change and do the impossible. Think about what your life was a few months ago before you knew these tools and what to do. I can tell from your voice. You’re just starting. You’re going to do some sick shit.
John: I am. Trust me, I have a lot of plans. The other thing that you were right on about is that this 22-year-old has not yet even come near or hinted about asking my age.
Ross: She’s afraid of scaring you off. John: Maybe.
John: Here’s my question. When I’m interacting with them, sometimes this happens. I had this situation pop up the other day, and it just blew me away. Sometimes I’ll be talking with them, whether or not I’m in the fun fractionization of the conversation or a pattern, and they’ll just look at me and I can’t get any response.
This happened in the grocery store the other day. I got into a conversation with this girl. It’s the perfect time of year for it. It was about turkeys. I was just going through this whole process on how to prepare a turkey. I was throwing so much sexual innuendo in there. I just was not getting a response.
Ross: Slow down. It’s possible you’re right. Maybe you weren’t getting a response. Then again, maybe you were, and you just weren’t recognizing it.
John: That’s what I mean. I was looking for nonverbals. I couldn’t get her to verbally come back much.
Ross: Where you getting nonverbal responses?
John: She was like someone who was just sitting there, watching a TV show. I just ended it. I kept trying to do different things with her. Finally it just got to that awkward silence moment where I ran out of different angles, so I ended and walked away.
About five minutes went by, and she came down another aisle. She came back up then smiled at me. She said, “I don’t know if, being a
chef, you know how to do this or not, but my microwave is broken. Do you know how to fix a microwave?”
I laughed and said, “The only ones I know how to fix are probably the kind you have in your apartment.” She laughed. I ended up getting her phone number. But it blew me away because I was getting nothing.
Ross: You probably weren’t getting nothing. Early on in my career, in 1988 or 1989, I would go to what I call a “delayed reaction effect.” I would do something. It would seem like nothing happened or worked, and an hour later they were bouncing on me, or maybe 48 hours later, I’d get a call, saying, “I’d really like to come over to see that painting.”
Some people just process slower. You need to really fractionate them then walk away for a while. In your case, you just went to another aisle. She needed to process it.
What you saw her doing was a trans-variational search. She was reaching deep down inside to find the meaning for her. It may well be that that’s how she processes her world. When people don’t touch her deeply, there’s no problem, but when they’re touching really deep, she needs to take a timeout and withdraw her senses inside to taste the experience.
I have the feeling that what you have in your hands is a profoundly good trance subject. It’s just that she needs a different kind of focus to get in there.
Here’s my suggestion. When you’re fucking her, call her attention to what you’re doing. “Doesn’t it feel good now that I’m taking off your panties and touching the tip of my thumb to your clit? Is the feeling spreading through you? Now, as I slide my cock in, feel the excitement.” Do you understand? Narrate it.
That’s what I think happened. I’ve seen it before. Sometimes I will do that in a place like the supermarket where you have the opportunity to fractionate and not lose sight of her. Do it anyway. Make it a routine thing to do.
She’s a fractionator. She needed to get away from it for a while before she could come back even more strongly. Her way of fractionating was physically moving a little bit away.
John: It does make sense. By accident, I did the right thing.
Ross: I don’t think you did anything wrong in the first place. She just had a response that was a little bit different, and the timing was a little different. That’s perfectly fine. You did it really well.
It sounds to me like the other thing is that you’re cleaning up in the supermarket. You don’t have to go to a bar or club. I used to hate that part of it.
Ross: That’s a different atmosphere and crowd. Everyone is welcome there.
Had you approached that 22-year-old in a club, and she was with her girlfriends, it would have been a different story. She thinks she has a license to be a cunt in that situation. It’s like a license to kill, except it’s a license to cunt. The shields on the Enterprise would have been up.
John: I wanted to let all the other guys listening know that I’ve had really good success with some of the things, and some of them are a little long, but I’m going to post them all on the coaching forum. I’ll format them so you don’t have to be a chef to use them.
Ross: Remember, once a month, each student gets a half-hour, video-to-video consultation with me as a student-of-the-month thing. You may want to be that guy. You have to let us record it and put it in the members area.
John: I have no problem with that.
I read something really good and profound today. It took me right in to the Nail Your Inner Game program when you go over rumination. It was from a yogi in a yoga magazine I saw at the gym.
For everybody in this conversation, this would be something bad that happens to us from the outside that we can’t control. In our situation, it would be rejection from a woman.
He said, “When something happens to us, it occurs for usually less than 10 seconds, and it occurs one time. How can we justify ourselves going over something that happened to us once, for less than 10 seconds, thousands of times?” That’s what we tend to do. Ross: The answer is that you’re attempting to find some learning from it
because you want a different outcome. The intention is good. It’s just the system you’re using that sucks. That’s a great point.
John: I’ll put that stuff up. Thanks, Ross. Ross: It’s been a great call.
