hello herman

HELLO HERMAN

by John Buffalo Mailer

..LLO

8-13M, 4-6W (doubling)

Video gamcs. violent movies. Marilyn Manson. the IJHcrncr, Prozac. or fame? What moves a teenager to cross me line and become a high-school shooter? More imponamly, how do we Stop it? Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Lax Morales is looking for a follow­ up [0 his groundbreaking undercover piece on white supremacistS. Although his video blog has an unprecedented online following a.mong reens. Lax has been wrinen off as Internet trash by the elite or the publishing wodd. He needs a big srory and hL knows iL After killing thirty-nine students and three reachers in a suburban ]owa school, six­ teen-year-old Herman Howards rakes the time ro email video clips of rhe incidem LO his idol. Lax. He adds one line to the dips: "I wam [0 rell my story on your show." The public pushes for Herman's tdevised execution as Lax conducts thrce Jays of in terviews, lIsing every [001 at his disposal to discover what drives the current poster-boy for evil. I LELLO HERMAN is a mind-blowing examination of how rragic events like Columbine and Virginia Tech continue to happen in our cuun uy. No stone is left ullLUfrled as LlX sea.rches for an answer to [he question everyone's been asking bur no one has been able to find : Why?

"john Buffalo Mailer's HEf.LO HERMAN is (/ powerflll and importan/. work. a darkly brilliant tone poem about Americas lIt1Igo with violmrrt alld fome. Herman will get under YOIIT skin. He may even follow yOIl !Jome. What is certain is YOIl 1I'0llt soon forget him. G,

see HELLO HERMAN" -Sam Kashner, Vanity Fair

"HELLO HERA1AN is w/)al thl'tlter is supposed to be: n:lelllmt. J)(Jwerjill and fearless. J walked flway thinking about ,he staff ojot/r COIITlfr)', rile state ofllllT )lollth, ,he slatr ojflur media, a7ld the twisted glitz find cheap plLlstic that is (barely) hoLding together ,he bloot! find gilts ofthe American condition. HELLO HERMAN needs to be scen ill high schools. colleges, comml/flity theaters. and all ,-trut comers "crnss illis COWin]'. If Iwelis Itl be field 1Ij1 as II mirror so thaI we ,'ee wlJllt welle become - (/ society t!;fIt pom'sses so IIIl1ch pOlenti./tl. l}fIt lilu the wasted),outb ill the play, is sentencing ilSelft.() deatb bejiJl'e il erler euen sumecL to lirll'. " -Jason Flores WiUiams

ISBN 978-0-8222-2410·5

N BUFFALO

MAILER

I

1)1

PI

DRAMATISTS PlAY SERVICE, INC.

HELLO HERMAN

Copyright © 2010, John Buffalo Mailer All Righls R(,,"'Ived

CAUTION: Profl'ssinll;ils ;llld :1111:II('IIIS are hereby warned that perfnrm;lll(' of 111:1 1,(" I " :.IItvIAN is slIilj('('[ to paymenc of a royalty. It is rId!\' plnl,·, 1<,1111111"1 Ii II , "1)\·li~.1t1 I"",s (II' the United States.of America, :lIl1f.d .,11 'illIlll'I'''' ".w /,·,I 11)' Ille Inrcl'1lanonal Copynght Union (i",I"dl lll; Iii, I J'"I1I1I""1 ()I C;III;!d;1 and the rest of the British ("""I'''"W'',ilil,J ,11111 ill .ill ,-()llllllie.' covered by the Pan-American ( "PI " 1)'1 ( "'I\ , lIlioll. Ii,,· lillivclqj Copyright Convencion, the Berne '''II' "1'''". . 11111 "I .dl nlllillric~ wirh which the United States has reciprocal '/'1" ,1 /,111 "lld()II.';. All rights, including without limitation 1",,1, , ... i,1I1.d/.1111.111'1I1 stage rights, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public ""lill!", I.llli" i)ro;!dcasting, television, video or sound recording, all other 1"'"1', ,)1 Illcchanical, electronic and digital reproduction, transmission and ,1".11 ilrlll i()I), sllch as CD, DVD, the Internet, private and file-sharing 111.'1 works, inlc)rmation storage and retrieval systems, photocopying, and the

, i!~lllS

or

translation into foreign languages are stricdy reserved. Particular ('lllf1hasis is placed upon the maner of readings, permission for which must he secured from the Author's agent in writing.

'The English language stock and amateur stage performance rights in the United States, its territories, possessions and Canada for HELLO HERMAN are comrolled exclusively by DRAMATISTS PLAY SERVICE, INC., 440 Park Avenue South, New York, NY 10016, No professional or nonprofessional performance of the Play may be given without obtaining in advance the written permission of DRAMATISTS PLAY SERVICE, INC., and paying the requisite fee.

Inquiries concerning all orher rights should be addressed to the Audwr c/o Dramatists Play Service, Inc., 440 Park Avenue South, New York, NY 10016.

SPECIAL NOTE

Anyone receiving permission to produce HELLO HERMAN is required to give credit to the Author as sole and exclusive Author of the Play on the tide page of all programs distributed in connection with performances of the Play and in all instances in which the tide of the Play appears for purposes of advertising, publicizing or otherwise exploiting the Play and/or a production thereof. The name of the Author must appear on a separate line, in which no other name appears, immediately beneath the [ide and in size of type equal to 50% of the size of the largest, most prominent lerrer used for the tide of the Play. No person, firm or entity may receive credit larger or more prominent than that accorded the Author.

This play

is

dedicated to Peri Lyons,

for being my rock

0/

support;

to

my mother, Norris Church

Mailer,

for

showing me what courage is; and

to

my father,

Norman Mailer, for teaching

me how

to

write and

for being

my best

Fiend.

We

miss

you, Pop.

Z. SM!TH

REYNOLDS

LIBRA

RY

WAKE FOREST UNIVERSfTY

2

1

PRODUCTION NOTES

Hello Herman

is written to be performed with or without the multi­ media elements of the screens. If the budget should provide, the ideal set includes three screens positioned stage left, right, and center, and

are connected to live feeds from the cameras on stage.

Backstage should also have a neutral area for the scenes that only appear on the screens where indicated.

Nothing we see on the screens (with the exceptions of the titles at the beginning, Lax's email, and the video game in Act One, Scene 2) should be prerecorded.

HELLO HERMAN received its West Coast premiere at The Fdgcmar Center for the Arts in Los Angeles, California, on May 8,

2009. Ie was directed by Michelle Danner; the set and lighting

tksign were by Ed Cha; the costume design was by Sica Schmitz;

!hc sound design was by Stephen Burr; and the production stage

11l;llIagcr was Tobias Mehler. The cast was as follows:

I I FRMAN HOWARDS Sawyer Spielberg

I;\ X MORALES ... John Buffalo Mailer

SIIFYLA DUVALL Sharon Swainson

U 1I ~ j' CLARKSON Brice W Harris

-; ( :II (J O L GUARD, MOOSE,

I'XF,CUTIONER ... Alex Alvarez

MAIZSHA ... Jessica Borden (May 10: Maria Dalbotten)

IJ I' 1'1 ,F BOY ... David Burrus

"' I ~N/\T()R COX, FBI #2 ... Christian

C.

Campbell

( ;AII I IOWARDS ... Michelle Danner

M IC IIAEL GREEN, HIGH SCHOOLER,

1, 1',I'O lfl'ER . Akiva David

fVllt PI I ELPS ... Brian Drillinger

JI M

C

A

1ZL,

MICHAEL RAY,

I'I\ UL SHRUBER, REPORTER ... Devin Adair Frankel

iviS. ( :RlBB ... Lisa Galasso

SUSAN, C HILDREN'S AID SOCIETY REP,

I U '.1 'l )J{TER ... Stephanie Greco

!l JI ,I!\ I tOWARDS ... RemyNozik

~ I'AN CALL ... David O'Hara

P OI J(; IE-DOGG, EXECUTIONER,

I 11( ; II SCHOOLER, REPORTER ... Jonathan Oldham

'II M MY ... Eric Pierce

I'IZA NI< HOWARDS, FBI #1, REPORTER ... John Zderko

I! I

HELLO HERMAN received its New York premiere at the Grove

Street Playhouse on November 3, 2001, presented by Back House

Productions. It was directed by Thomas Kail; the set design was by

Neal Wilkinson; the lighting design was by Betsy Adams; the cos­ tume design was by Jennifer Harris; the sound design was by Paul Adams; and the production stage manager was Tammy Rose. The

cast was as follows:

HERMAN HOWARDS ... Jim Isler

LAX MORALES ... John Newman

SHEYLA DUVALL ... Nafeesa Monroe

ENSEMBLE: Christina Pabst, Jonathan Mosely, Kady Duffy, Peter

Cambor, Alexis Raben, Bob LaVelle, Neil Stewart, Anthony Veneziale and Sidney Williams

6 CHARACTERS HERMAN HOWARDS LAX MORALES SHEYLA DUVALL CHET CLARKSON SCHOOL GUARD MOOSE MARSHA LITTLE BOY SENATOR COX GAIL HOWARDS MICHAEL GREEN MR. PHELPS JIM-CARL MICHAEL RAY PAUL SHRUBER MS. CRIBB SUSAN

CHILDREN'S AID SOCIETY REP JULIA HOWARDS SEAN GALL DOUGIE-DOGG TIMMY FRANK HOWARDS BARTENDER EXECUTIONERS FBI AGENTS HIGH SCHOOLERS REPORTERS 7

I

II

II

H

ELLO

H

ERMAN

ACT ONE

Scene 1

ifodies lie about the stage. In silhouette, we see Marsha,

Sf/san, andJames Hankley standing in a line. Herman is next

10 them, a .45-caliber pistol in one hand, a camera in the

olIJer. On all three screens we see what Herman is recording. I If" walks up to Susan and puts the gun against her head.

Ili·I\M !\N. Oink.

\1 1~i\N. (Fhrough her tears') What?

I 11,1\ rvl i\N. Oink. Like in Deliverance. Squeal. (He cocks the gun.) 1" 1 J~i\N . .!I.:SUS, please protect me. Jesus, please protect me. Jesus,

1,1, .1'11" 1"'OIl;cr me. (Etc. Herman laughs hard.)

I II, \{ M1\ N. Nor (Oday. (He pulls the trigger. As the gunshot is heard,

/1, /I.t;/JU /llId screens bump out to black. After a beat ofblackness, the {('Ol ,/" "I ilxMoraLes.com" appear in the center screen. Dissolve to:

"'.w Ii II.'!, , I,(zx Morales." Dissolve to: "Special Guest Star, Herman

11"lllIll'iLI', .. DissoLve to: "This Weeks Topic: High SchooL Terrorists."

Ili llo//li' 10:

Lax

Morales' head and nothing else.)

I I\ ){. !\ lor of people seem (0 think the question is "What the hell

,I" we do with rhese kids?" But they're wrong. The question is,

"WII.II Ihe hell do these kids do with us?" We're giving them a fast­

i,,,,,1, sllOrt-term, downsized, techno-driven world. It's cold. And

lill '), can't make any sense of it.

So, kids, log out, unplug, take your eyes off the screen, go

out-I

I

\ ·.ide. and breathe for a moment.

' I'hey might still allow you (0 do that.

11

,

F

I

Ii

They might still allow you a momentary break from the con­ stant assault of "Buy this, use that, feel this, and sell that."

Step outside and insist on your right to breathe. But do it after

my show. Because tonight, we're going to explore what happens when

you disregard the value of life. (Lights up! The set ofthe Chet Chat pro­

gram on Computron News Network. All three screem show Chet.)

CHET CLARKSON. Forty-three students, two teachers, and one

police officer were shot before Howards was apprehended today at

12:40 P.M. in the school's computer center. (Lights up on Lax's

apartment on a diJfirent part of the stage. Lax checks his email as

Chet's voice continues.) Disturbing.

LAX. (To the TV) You're the one that is disturbing, my friend. (On

the screen above Lax, we see his email as he goes through them.) 1.) "I love you, Lax."

2.) "You're the problem, pretty boy!"

3.) "You were in my dream last night."

4.) "Why don't you Lax my balls?"

(And then the ominous.)

5.) "You're time is coming. We're watching you." Signed by the

UABA SS

(Lax is bothered by this, but skips to the next email, which reads:)

6.) "Bloody Broome has arrived."

(From the darkness, we hear Herman's voice.)

HERMAN. I want to tell my story on your show. (Lights down on

Lax. All three screens cut to Gail Howards, surrounded by reporters.)

I' REPORTER. Mrs. Howards, do you have any idea why Herman

might do something like this?

GAIL HOWARDS. Herman is a happy, healthy, teenager with a

:\

!. promising future. I can't understand why he would do such a thing.

(The screens go back to the Chet Chat show.)

I

I

I

,I

_,

CHET CLARKSON. While parents of the formerly peaceful

community of Broome, Iowa, grieve the tragic loss of their chil­

dren, parents all over suburban America are wondering if their

rown will be next.

"Bloody Broome" as it is now being called, is the worst high­

school massacre in the histoty of America. Chet Chats own Sheyla

Duvall, takes you behind the scenes, up close, and extremely personal.

(Lights crossfode to Sheyla as she interviews Timmy Alburn. Sheyla holds

a camera and we see Timmy up on the screens.)

!

I

SHEYLA. So, Timmy, you were friends with Herman?

I

I ₁₂

'

_,

I~I

_I,

'1' IM MY. I don't even know what that word means anymore.

~III;.YI.A. Did you know him?

1'1M MY. Yeah, it's a small school.

."i III;.YI.A. Did you hang out with him?

I'IMMY. How do you mean?

," II LYI.A. Did you talk to each other? 1'1 rvl MY. Yeah, we talked to each other.

..., I IFYI.A. Did he tell you anything?

1'1['vi MY. Some stuff.

'il II:YI A Such as?

I I t\1M Y. How he was going to get vengeance on all the ass - (We

lit ,II' If /}('{'P instead of Timmy's bad word.) How like he was the

'.11',11 1(':.1 kiJ in the world and everyone around him was just idiots.

I, '",', W:I~ :\ prophet before he turned seventeen, too. I don't know,

, "")' (/?eep.)

~III 'YIA What kind of crazy stuff?

I I rvl MY. Like blowing things up. Killing everybody .. . I didn't

'\lIlIk he'd really do it. It's not my fault! ',J II ' YI 1\ , No one is saying that it is.

I 1/\ 1M Y. Everybody's looking to blame someone. til II ' YI A, What did you think of what he tOld you?

I 1/\ ltvl Y. I just thought he was angry. Real angry at something. '" I II ' YI.A. Why do you think he was so angry?

II f\ I rvl y, Some people are just angry. That's the way it is. (Timmy

/' ,1/" '" S/i,:yia turns to the school guard.)

';111'VIA Now, you've been a school guard at Broome High for I,"I\' 11I11 g?

',I IllH)\. GUARD. Eight years this September.

1,J II' YI /\. Did you know Herman Howards personally?

:( IIUO\. GUARD. What do you mean "know him"? ; I II ,Y1.1\. Did you ever talk to him?

'I' 'II( )()l. GUARD, Yeah, I talked to him. He was all kinds of

M'I-'I.') -cd up ." Can I say (BEEP) -ed up?

"III:YI .I\. Say what you like.

'Il 'IIOUL GUARD. Yeah, he was (BEEP) -ed up! There's no way

'" 1\1Il'1I1\(~ close to that boy could not have seen this coming. I don't

k"ow what's wrong with his mother, but it must be something for

111'1 lIoL W have seen the signs.

,"i I II;.YL.A. What were the signs?

,"i( :II()OL GUARD. The kid had no friends, How can a boy grow

n

up with no friends and be a normal kid? You tell me that? Every

kid, no matter how strange they are, has friends. Not Herman.

He'd eat his lunch alone in the cafeteria and listen to the kids laugh

about him two tables away.

SHEYLA. Did you ever sit with him at lunch?

SCHOOL GUARD. We don't sit with the kids, and besides, child

psychology ain't my field of expertise. I could tell though. The kid

was going to snap. Anyone with a set of working eyes should've

been able to see that. Those children could have been nicer to that

boy, maybe all this wouldn't have gone down.

SHEYLA. Which children?

SCHOOL GUARD.

All

of them.

SHEYLA. Now, you were on your lunch break when it happened,

right?

SCHOOL GUARD. What of it?

SHEYLA. I'm just trying to place where everyone was.

SCHOOL GUARD. Now you want to blame me?

SHEYLA. I'm not blaming anybody.

SCHOOL GUARD.

All

you fools looking to blame someone.

Why? People feel better if they got something to point at? Blame

the games, blame the music, blame the school guards. (He looks

directly into the camera.) Go blame yourselves. (School Guard leaves.

Sheyla turns to M ichael Green. He is in his football uniform.)

SHEYLA. Now, Michael, did you ever think that something like

Herman Howards was possible in your school?

MICHAEL GREEN. I don't think anyone believes that it could happen in their school; until it does. No one is safe from these freaks.

SHEYLA. Do you consider yourself a jock?

MICHAEL GREEN. I play sports.

SHEYLA. Did you know Herman?

MICHAEL GREEN. How do you mean "know him"?

SHEYLA. Did you pick on him?

MICHAEL GREEN. He's evil!

SHEYLA. Why do you think he was so angry?

MICHAEL GREEN. I don't know. Too many video games, too

much Tv, something like that.

SHEYLA. What do you mean?

MICHAEL GREEN. Well, he was, like, really into violent movies

and stuff.

14

" lli '-YIA 1)0 you think that means we should blame violent III11 VIl''' lill wh:l( Herman did?

I\ llf :II /\I·J . (:REEN. I don't know what it means. But it's got to 111 \ .111 \\lIIICtilillg, right?

SIII '·YI.l\. What do you think the authorities should do with

I I. ' I 111.111 1

t\ II ( '1 1/\ I :.1. ( ; REEN. It ain't just about Herman Howards. There's

• ', 11 " " lik,· him in every school. We should flag 'em all down and 1'"1 'VIII :IIV:'Y hcfore another one does something like this again. ~I II YI,I\. 11111' YOLl can't arrest people who haven't committed a crime.

1\ i I(' IIM.I. CREEN. Safety first. If some towel head is holding a

oii ·. I'I, 11)11., Ilag in a crowded area, we don't wait for the mushroom

I \<1111 I. w~' d() what we have to do to protect our own.

" II ' YI /\. If' lhey do execute Howards, do you think it should be 1\ ·Il 1'1'," '\ ~

1\ III IIM.I. CREEN. They should kill him on TV

" III '~ IA Why?

l\ III 'I 1/\ 1-'.1. C REEN. 'Cause the only way I can get him out of my

II, ,1.1 I'. II}' w:Hching him die. (Cross-fade back to Chet Chat')

t I II ' I l ;1.1\ IzKSON. While there remains no clear motive for the

I !1I111 1'."" Wil:11 has become very clear, is that today's teenage culture 1, 1.11111',1111 with violence.

\ , 11.1(1)1' John Cox, ofIowa, issued a statement to the press this

" " • I 11111 1'•• (I.ights up on Senator Cox as he makes his statement to the

I'" ~

\

I )

~I N /\ I't liZ JOHN COX. Herman Howards is not a common

C'IIIIIII.II ~ II<' is a terrorist, pure and simple. A coward. He must be

" •• 111,,1, t\l('n.: is no question of that. And, it is my firm belief that 111 /, " ""~lIli()n ought to be televised nationally, so that America's

I 11""11' 11 \II today can witness firsthand what happens when you ,11'.11 1'"Ii',I tile value of life. Thank you. (Lights down on Cox.)

I 11 i '1' \ ~I./\RKSON. Now, there are those who don't appreciate

11" \,' 11.11 or'., opinion on this matter, such as this representative

I

;

"III Ii It· Children's Aid Society. (Lights up on a representative from

{I!I'

r

l iS If." he malus his statement.}

( 1111 I lIZI:.N'S AID SOCIETI REP. Herman Howards must not be I tll, .\1 I k is a troubled child in serious need of psychiatric treatment.

WII.II killd of message does it send to the world when America starts

• Xl " III illg our own children on television? Killing people does not

I.ltll' people fl'om killing people. When are we going to learn ­

(Lights out on CAS rep.)

CHET CLARKSON. Now, you liberals on the coasts will

undoubtedly disagree, but I happen to think the Senator is right.

This freak, Howards, sent clips to the even crazier liberal blogger,

Lax Morales, whose name says it all. Believe it or not, Morales

plans to broadcast an interview with this criminal. I mean, how

depraved can you get? If this left wing nut has any intention of giv­

ing this kid a platform to preach his insane, sick, twisted beliefs,

then Morales ought to be executed right beside Howards. Now that

would make for good TV

You're watching Chet Chat. We'll be right back. (Blackout.Q

Scene 2

Lights up on Sheyla as she waits for Lax at the airport. Lax

enters, sees her, and drops his bag. Silence.

SHEYLA. Hello, Stranger. (She smiles.) I came to give you a ride?

LAX. How did you know I'd be here?

SHEYLA. Don't you know you're at the point in your career where

you're part of the story. People are saying this is going to be your In Cold Blood.

LAX.

Why are you here?

SHEYLA. I want to know what happened to you.

LAX.

You know what happened.

SHEYLA. I know you left me two years ago to do a piece on skin­

heads in Georgia. And you never came back to me. Not a phone

call, nothing. How could you do that to me?

LAX. I wanted to come back.

SHEYLA. Then why didn't you?

LAX.

Are you staying at the Holiday Inn?

SHEYLA. I am.

LAX. Will you meet me for a drink tonight after the interview?

SHEYLA. I'll think about it. (She exits. Lax is alone onstage for a

moment. Lights up on Sean Gall, Dougie-Dogg, and jim-Carl in a

II'

1'1 diner in Georgia, some years ago.)

t

,

16 11111.' ~II ~IJ 11'

1)( HJ( :1"'- \)()GG. So then, this little nigger says to me, "What VI/II )',01 10 he so proud of?"

,-': I·I\ N (;I\I.l.. And you told him?

1)1 H I( ;II'~ I)OCG. I didn't tell him nothin'. I spat on him.

" I'AN (;I\I.l.. You spat on him?

I )( 1\ )( ;IL I)OGG. Right in his face.

o 1'1\ N { ; 1\ U ,. Tell me somethin', how is it you expect me to make

1''''1 .1 "'l)1.lin, when, faced with a beautiful opportunity to teach a lli l'.j '" 'I \·,..ILl Iy why the white race is superior, the best you can think

,,, ,I" j" W;ISI t: your spit on his face? Dumb kids. That's what you

III . "I" I.odl ofyou, dumb kids. (Lax comes by the table, wearing an

,'/1/

"

11

II,' j,,,rts to clear their dishes away.)

I f. \ "'-Xl ' IISt: me, Mr. Gall?

1.\'/\ N ( ; ,\ I.l.. What?!

I \ \ 1'111 SOllY to bother you, I've just been waiting a long time

,., III. "1111 111 ;ind figured I wouldn't have a better chance than now.

H

l

;

/\

t

J

1 :1\1 .1 .. Why do you want to meet me, Yankee?

I \ \ I Iv.ld your book. I think you might just be a prophet.

'1 1",r I ( :,\1,1 .. Is that so? Well, what can I do for you, son?

I \ , I .!on'l leally know. I just moved here from New York.

' ,I I\I~ ( ; t\ 1.1.. New York City?

I ,/\ , (;IIiIty as charged.

' ,1 /\ N (;1\1.1.. Boy, you a long way from home. What were you

,111111 1', III New York City?

I ,\ \ I \WIII LO

NYU.

'Ii'1\1' I ( ; 1\ I.L. For what? I

11

,\

1.lw.

it!i\ N ( ;1\ 1.1 .. Well, you're not a dumb kid, are you?

1, 1\ ;'" 1'1l1 lIor a dumb kid.

::':1'11"1 ( ;1\ I,I ,. What was it about my book made you come down 1t t!1", I " Illl'Cl me, son?

I

A

\

Ii III:lde me realize

I

don't need to feel ashamed of being white. ',) 'AN (;I\LL. You felt ashamed to be white in New York?

I AX Ilow should I put it? My neighborhood was, uh, colorful.

',I ',J\ N (;I\LL. Did you ever seek out the New York chapter of the

I \ II '1IIi'I'ilood?

I /\ ;<. . Wi, h where I lived, it was bad enough to have my skin

shin-IIII', ,II Il ight as I walked home. If any of those ... people, had found

"III I was involved with something like that ... Well, I wouldn't be

'Il.llltiillg. here now.

SEAN GALL. (To the skinheads.) See, this is exactly wl,;11 1'111 I.lik­ ing about. A boy is made to feel inferior in his OWIl Jl("il,.ld\(\iI\(l()d for no other reason than the color of his skin. /\11(1 "wI' "til ", Ihe racists. Well, you've come to the right place. W!l;11 \ \'(\111' 11.11)1", ',(In?

LAX. Vic Bishop.

SEAN GALL. Where you staying, Vic?

LAX. Over at the Motel 6.

SEAN GALL. Well, I think we ~';1I1 1111(1 '''"1\ 11,\11' ,I 1,111, \liu.:r,

more home-like for YOIL Why d()lI'1 Y(lli IlIllIl•. will, II'. 1", .1 wl,ile?

II1I

LAX. That sounds rcal good, MI, t :. ,11.

SEAN GALL. Weic.:olll(' In (;...."'I;i.'. V", I 11,;III(

Y"

l

"

"

1'.""11.1 like

it here. (A buzzt:r1.(}('so{/,1I1II1111(' 1/.1:11/' /111 111'11 "~! (/llrl'I .II , ,r/,/)t'rlJ)', Leaving Lax aLone: OrlS / f /,!!,/'. \.Vir· /'('tll' ,III' ,0 1l1U1

o

f

,/

/il/IIJI/ ,(;//1 1 1III'·lIiltg. Herma n enters. \.1;1(: III'(/}' tilt' rllllll' ('Ifill Ilr/l/lili/ .111111 1\ ,,,;,., , (·tlch other in for a second.)

LAX. Hello , Hermall. 1 ,;1 )( M(lI,tI,·, ( I,ti

Herman's. Herman docs 110/ Ird'(' il.)

HERMAN. What the fwi< i~ tll.lI ',lIdr op ) ",11 ddll

LAX. Dodo birds.

HERMAN. Why are YOli IVclri\l l~ ,1.1, .. 11' 1"\iI ,,,I"II! LAX. Because they look SIIII,i.!, I'1I1 1111 ) I" 'U;li" forll,ill

HERMAN. Okay, thar's lO(I!.

LAX. Sounds like the seal (II '1]'1"''''',,1 1\11\ I ijlll7f\'kw \1111 \lOW? HERMAN. How much 111(1111'), ']" I 1',lI I.., l"Ii illl' 101 \"11.' LAX. You don't get allyrhill!". 1\111' 111"11,',

1'

''

'

I"

"

,!

I ,"ldl'·. of the victims. Besides, I th()lq~III ),,,\1 ~",I\l I , ,11 11I, II \ !lI11 ' I'J I~r, HERMAN. It is parr of Illl' , ((II I'. I 1,, \0\ 11 111. II:

LAX. I don't know what rill' sl.1I \( 1.11 cI w,,, d,ll" I'll II ~I ;) , I' Iii, ,'11111.".

HERMAN. That's becallse

tlI

~

'I L'

i:, 11(1 '.101 IIti 11,1 1:"

"

-

II

~1

j

\

,

.1111\('. LAX. Come on, you killed 1(lII Y IW" I" ili,I, ',111, 11 " I" I' III li,t'

world, that happens evny

we,'''.

W iLli 1'1111 , ~ \",', 'I" I IIi

HERMAN. I'm a sixtecn Y";\I'-ul,1 fllll" .1Willi' 1] 1I.ldl, ,],Ir" Lilli' ily. NotsomebrokeArabsllckl'l wiltll"f"\\ 1I1_' 11\(1),il', Itl l l)~I,I,I, 's and thinks he's going to b t.:cOIl\\': .1 111.11 1\'1 11111I" 1:\I~i\ ' )! \rl ll,;II " III heaven. You ever been with ;1 vi,!,.ill( 11'11 ,1 . 1" 11-:'1, dj'i!!, li,il lill i:,

"

even more fucked up than Ulri~l i. IIIII \ ,

LAX. You religious, Herman?

HERMAN . God is dead.

LAX. Where did you read thai '

HERMAN. JUSt something I li).',11I 1'(1(.iil

IX

screens. Lax's camera zooms in on his chin to reveaL a scru./fo patch of hair. Then back out')

LAX. Did you get picked on a lot at school, Herman?

HERMAN. Every day.

LAX. Tell me about it.

HERMAN. The jocks call me names cause I'm small. They'd yank

my undetwear up my ass. Push me around. Shit like that.

LAX. Would you have ever thought to do what you did if Eric

Harris and Dylan KJebold hadn't done it first in Colorado?

HERMAN. But they did .

LAX. I know, Herman, pretend they hadn't.

HERMAN. Come on, they became real famous afterwards.

Everyone knows who they are. They even had a generation named

after them.

LAX. You look at them as heroes?

HERMAN. Yeah.

LAX. Why?

HERMAN. They said "fuck you" to [he assholes. AFter Colombine,

nerds starred getting respect. Now that I've hit the scene, they'll be

running the schools.

LAX. You feel like you're parr of a revolution~

HERMAN. You'll see. Allover the coulltry, kids arc going to starr

doing what I did until you assholes finally realize thar we are here. We matter, Lax.

LAX. What about the thirry-nine kids YOll shot and killed in cold

blood, Herman? Are they not pan of your revolution?

HERMAN. Fuck them. They grouped me in with [he freaks. (He

chuckLes.) They thought I didn't count.

LAX. Well, Justin Brinkley was considered a freak, but you killed

him anyway.

HERMAN. (ExpLodes') I did that fat bastard a favor! Look, I didn't

say I wanted to be grouped with losers. I didn't have shit to do with

those nerds. I'm an individual! Don't forget that! You think JUSt

anyone could do what I did ? No sir. There's only one Herman

Howards, and now history will remember me.

LAX. You don't talk like the average sixteen-year-old kid.

HERMAN. I'm not your average sixteen-year-old. I'm America's

worst nightmare.

LAX. You kids still play Doorn?

HERMAN. Of course.

LAX.

What would you say is the goal of the game?

HERMAN. To shoot everyone up and get lots of points.

LAX.

Now, how about Postal, you ever hear of that game?

HERMAN. I own it.

LAX.

It's hard to get.

HERMAN. Yes it is.

LAX.

Explain it to me, Herman. I've never had a chance to play.

(We see a violent video game on the screen. As Herman talks, the game

does what he says.)

HERMAN. You're a postal worker. You go into the office one day

cause you've had enough of people's crap, and you shoot everyone up 'til they're all gone.

LAX

.

It sounds easy.

HERMAN. Well, you've got time limits. And you get more points

for hitting people in the face than in the stomach or the legs or the

back of the head. (The game ends.)

LAX

.

You "shoot up" women and children too?

HERMAN. I think you get less points for them.

LAX.

That's nice. (Herman laughs.)

HERMAN. Yeah.

LAX

.

Your mom supports you in playing games like Postal?

HERMAN. I don't think she knows anything about it.

LAX.

Would you say that playing these games has numbed you to

violence?

HERMAN. I don't get your question.

LAX.

Would you say that playing these games made it easier for you to go into your school and kill your peers?

HERMAN. Of course it did. How do you think I gOt to be such

a good shot? .

At one point this girl started running for the door. She was like

fifty feet from me. (We hear the gunshot go offas Herman smiles.) I clipped her right in the back of the head and her face exploded and

landed allover some kid. (Herman breaks into laughter.)

LAX.

You think that's funny?

HERMAN. You had to be there. I mean here was this girl that

thought she was home free. And she's running, about to get to the

door, when all of a sudden, "OOPS! THERE GOES MY FACE!"

and it lands all over some tiny little kid in glasses. (H erman looks

truly perplexed.) Can you imagine what that kid must have been

thinking when that happened? Jesus, that's worse then getting shit

20

"I' I,) " 1.lrd, ~IICkcr! I mean, what are the chances?

1./\ \ I)" yllil even know the girl's name?

I II' lH'vl/\ N. She was background. Not a key player.

1./\\ II W,I~ ;1 game, wasn't it?

I II I{ 1\ 1i\ N. II's all a game, Lax. Wasn't it a game when you bashed

di ll 111/'.1',1.'1\ h(.'ad in with a bat?

I /\ \ I' l\l ll~V IIH;?

I II I( 1\Ii\ N, I)own in Georgia, when you bashed that nigger's head

"ii, .1 \1,11, I )id that seem real to you?

IJ\ K I Ill' "l'Iicial investigation confirmed that never happened.

I iEI~I\ Ii\N. Well, all three of the guys that were there say it did.

L.I\X. W I,. I t' dn you get that?

lu1IU"IAN W-W-W dot K-K-K dot com, Georgia faction. When

ill

IV,

,,,

1111 l'ldiu.er for writing about them, they had a few things

lJ! IIi" dudll YOI) , Lax.

1

,

/

\

)(

W IL,I else do you think you know about me, H erman?

(l/frlll,1I1 III/ilt'\'. Silent.) You make it a habit to surf hate sites?

11 !~H1\ 1/\1 1 I have respect for anyone that's willing to stand up for

,11i,'h I" I" I, .. lIesides, people's websites are where you really learn

li il\ I I" W"I, is the truth, the way people really are. You should

Illj ijW tI, 'I , I .I X. I.ax Morales. It sounds like you're Puerto Rican or [. ii!;; tI.II'I', (I/('I'II/an laughs.)

j AX, 1\1, I •. 111. I'm an eighth Mexican. Does that make you want

1", hill "" IIHI. I{erman?

IIVIO\IAN. I jllst think it's funny. That's all.

1;I\)t ! 1111111·. Ihat's enough for today. I'll come back tomorrow. i ll '1/1\ It\ t I, Whatever. (Lax moves over to the Holiday Inn Bar. The

1, 11. /1 / I'"1m him a whiskey. Lax downs it in one gulp and taps at

...

;1./

.

11 I//flit'liling he wants another. The bartender pours.)

111\ I{'f'j.

r

!I ) I:,IC Ain't you that Morals guy?

\

X,

1\1,.I.lks. Yeah, I am.

)IJ\I,' II'NI )1'·.lt What did you do, again?

) ,1\ )\· t' 1..111 iIIg worth mentioning.

li,\lfI'PNI )Flt Fair enough. (The bartender moves away and Lax

It'J

"

II

1/110 ,Ipetce. Sheyla enters')

I 1\ I W :I.\ hoping you'd show.

;

1

II VI /\. Ilow was your first day with Herman?

1.:.'\... Y( 1I1 g\:lring material for Chet?

Sj II VIA. 1'111 just asking a question. I.A \ , YIIII know better than that.

SHEYLA. Better than what?

LAX. Better than to ask a fellow journalist about his exclusive.

SHEYLA. I'm sorry, I thought you were just a blogger.

LAX. Ouch. What are you drinking?

SHEYLA. A sloe comfortable screw up against the wall. (Lax smiles.)

LAX.

(To the bartender.) Sir? A sloe comfortable screw up against

the wall, please.

BARTENDER. Come again?

SHEYLA. Sloe gin, Southern Comfort, 0.]., top it off with

Galliano. (The bartender gives them a strange Look, then malus the

drinl? after blowing the dust offthe GaLLiano')

LAX.

You know what makes this line of work worth it for me?

SHEYLA. No clue.

LAX.

The courtesy bars they give you in the really good Holiday Inns, like this one.

SHEYLA. The honey-roasted peanuts are all right.

LAX.

Exquisite.

SHEYLA. If I get an uncontrollable hankering for a taste, I'll let

you know.

LAX.

I couldn't come back.

SHEYLA. Why not?

LAX.

I just ... couldn't.

SHEYLA. I loved you. You tOld me you loved me. But even now,

after some long years, you still can't give me a reason why you went

to Georgia and never came back to me. What happened down

there? You can tell me. (But he can't. ALL he can do is Lool? at her with

eyes filled with the sense ofwhat could have been. SheyLa finishes her drinl? and gets up.)

LAX.

I never stOpped loving you. (She drops a five on the tabLe and ~:HIi

leaves. Lights up on a dark night in SurvilLe, Georgia. Dougie-Dogg,

Jim-Carl, and Moose come upon a black Idd. They start to surround him, but he runs past them. Lax does nothing to stop him.) That was

awesome! Shit like that just doesn't happen in New York.

DOUGIE-DOGG. Fuck that noise! Why didn't you stop him?

LAX.

He was scared shitless. That's what matters. That's how we

win this war. You get into their heads. You save your knuckles for

when it counts. (Dougie-Dogg stares Lax/Vic down then nods to JC

and the two men walk away)

JIM-CARL. That guy's a nigger lover bein' treated like a damn

guest of honor.

22

I j( Hit; II ' I)()( ;C. Someone should do something about it.

I

t~I ( 'I\ IU " YOlt can say that again.

I II !l It .11 ' I)()( ;(;. Someone should do something about it.

( / JUII,,!!r I

)",

(~(; .~iI

J

('s.fim-Carl

a look to say "Get offyour ass and do some­

';11//1'

"

/,

,,,,1

il. ".lim-Carl turns around and moves back towards Lax.)

II" I ( 1\ I, I , YOlt know what I think, I think you're a nigger lover.

I \ , 1,\,

,1\"

ml'?

Ii

"'

\

c AI' I . \ said, I THINK VIC BISHOP IS A NIGGER

\ I

J\

I Itl Wh,!1 do you say to that? (Lax grabs Je, throws him to the

,1/1/1'/ ,/lIf//'I'11/( /he piss out ofhim. Sean GaLL enters')

'I I \ 11 1. ,/\11 . What is this crap!? (Everyone freezes.)

I Ii iI " ,II' I H )(;(;. Vic was beatin' the piss out of

Jc.

.1\tJ I, AII " Why?

1'lell II .\1 1 1)( H;C, He called Vic a nigger lover.

'wAtlJ

(

.}\I I" Vic, come with me.

IJ\X. III, ',lilli', Mr.

Gall-I

~

M~

(;1\1 I ,' Now, Vic. (ALL exit except for Lax and Gall.) Have

I'~ ,.I , [' 0][: " I, 'J'I'), here?

U\~t

1

\

,'

III VI'"

Idt more at

home.

I'M

l

f: \ I I Norhing bothers you?

I

,,

\X

!,.~

p

"""Iillg.l ... Honestly, Mr. Gall, I wish there wasn't so iilil',

I

I "

oI"I'Ililiol\ among the brothers.

I' M'~ f ./\ I I,. (:ompetition between the brothers?

I

j\X

,

II PI ',I ',t'l'Il1S that personal power within the group is more

~fi!\'\"1 1 1111 III ',illllC than the entire concept of universal white power.

l

AN

[

.

,

\

I I , You sure about that?

I

.

Ax'

'I', ,II, \ .lln.

I J

\r-J

(;/\1 ,1 1\lld what would you do about it if you were in my

I /\ ~ II I 'N ," ill your shoes, I'd make me captain. IJ\N 1,/\ 1 I" Is that what you'd do?

I \ .. I 1 ,111 II I H!crstand why you would put somebody else,

some-IIIi , I ... ,1 " lhi,ldofme,sir.

I

'r~

!

.AI 1.. Dougie-Dogg? That boy's toO dumb to lead sheep.

I.M

C

'ill (

'

l

,\t~

\ ,AI L I saw the way you beat

Jc.

I know what he called

\ ' ," , \'111 ,liI'I'1 you think that was a bit excessive?

I \ I JI "I ," lapped. It won't happen again.

I ,\N (; /\U " Snapped? Bullshit! You wanted me to see that you

hll ! w ll.lI il lakes. Someone insults you, you show them what

happens. I respect that.

LAX. Thank you, Mr. Gall.

SEAN GALL. I got plans, Vic. Big plans. The storm is coming.

Taken together, the minorities make up fifty-three percent of our

country now. Did you know that? We're being chased off our land

and most good white people don't have a clue. There might be a

Texan in the White House now, but before we lmow it, there'll be a

Mex, or a Catholic, or a nigger. So the question is, Vic, what do we

do about it? (Gall picks up a digital pointer. A map of the country

appears on the screen. Georgia, Kentucky, Pennsylvania, and

Connecticut are lit up.) We have chapters in at least seven counties

in each of these states. When we launch in Georgia, there will be

identical attacks in each one. These attacks will inspire others to

stand up and face what has been coming ever since that bastard

Lincoln pissed on the Constitution and declared war on us. This is

it, boy. Are you ready?

LAX. This is the reason I came down here. I wanted to be in the

front lines on the right side of the battle. You better believe I'm ready.

SEAN GALL. Well, I guess I'm going to say it; congratulations,

Vic. You are the new captain of the UABA, SS. Say it with me now.

The United Aryan Brothers of America, Surville Section.

LAX. The United Aryan Brothers of America, Surville Section.

SEAN GALL. How does it feel? (Lights up on the diner. The place

is empty except for a Federal-looking man. Lax joins him.)

LAX. Every black, Hispanic, Asian, Indian and Jew in the state.

This is it. They're looking to start a war. Gall expects sixty-seven

percent of the other hate groups in the United States alone to

launch similar attacks once this hits the press.

FBI MAN. So, what are you telling me?

LAX. I have access to the documents you need with the right sig­

natures to put that bastard away before he does it.

FBI MAN. You're aware of the risk you would be talcing by sup­

plying said documents?

LAX. What's the worst that happens? I die? We all got to do it

:

~1:

sometime. Might as well do it right. Right? I

I FBI MAN. There are worse things in this world than dying.

\!

LAX. It's worth it to me to find out.

FBI MAN. Why?

!~I

_{LAX. I have my reasons.}

FBI MAN. What's the time frame for delivery?

24

~\ll

Il

w

;:)

oJ

l

'

''''

'

'

Illst three more days. (The FBI man leaves. The

I~/Iln

'

1,1i

1111" I

li

X

Jltmds up and addresses them.) Just three more

!hi )'" I'!\ ", loll' I,,'others. Three more days until Georgia secedes

Il(i l-" Ii'l \ I,ll; '". (C'heers.) It will be a day, my brothers, the likes of ",lilo; li 1/ 111

1'

",

llIdl~

llhers

only dreamed. (More cheers.) It will be a

ILl)' ,'Iilll woll IIIH be forgotten! (The name "Bishop" is chanted over

71/,"'n~

)

irlll.i:/,.'/)Ogg,]C, and Moose startjumping up and down in

/I I ,/\' /'II ns over and joins them.)

I I! II lU ll 1)( ICC. (Sees something that makes him smile.) Well,

I

,

H'\ \ I, ,I w,' gIl!" here. (Thefifteen-year-old black kid appears omtage.)

I I\! "" i .1""11'" buddy? (Dougie-Dogg, ]C, and Moose corner in on the II, II/I \ III /m:ak through them, but Moose gets ahold ofhim.) Hey,

Ci ol

II

,

"vcr here. (Lax goes over to Dougie-Dogg.

]C

hands him a

I,,,,

j ill " I he boy.

1\ l' j.,1 III the mood.

I H ,\ II ,II' I )()GG. Your loyalty is under question, Vic. Now, you

I." " 0111" I,")" or it's going to be your Yankee ass tied up on the

'~

I

I

'I

I

II.I

. .11111 that's the God's honest truth. (After a moment, Lax

utl,;,

I II,. 1'/fl.]C smiles. The boy reaches out his hand to Lax.

TlI/'

/,,, • I .0 ;,/1'\ 1!1f.)

III InvlAN. Hello, Lax. (Georgia disappears and HrmlllJl ,,/,10'/1

I A\ I kilo, Herman.

III'HMAN. "Hello Herman!" Starring I 11.'1'111.111 I \' w

,,~

I

IIld I I

".I",.,lo-s. I get top billing? I mean, ir

i~

III)' '.!," \ II ' /111/11 II,. L i l l i

II,f (II/ IJimse!f)

I AX. Get it straight, Herln:lI! 1"1 ' II. " 11' 11 I" ,"11' 1'"11 illlO a rock :, 1.11. I'm not here to 1ll:lk\, Vi "' 101,.1 I,J, I !! ' f'. I' 11L'i'U. You're not.

Ilr.:RMAN. You'n: 1)1'11' III II' ,i I 11 11 nil \ "II IilL'.

I.AX. Wrong. 1'111 111'1, III' ii I,I

Ii

iC!i '. , w lllid outside that thinks you

,

~I1()l1ld

he c\n'lllh 'ill.1 II 'I' 'XU:i II . 1111 lIarional television. That's a srory. TILII ':. ill I) Ii "I I! oIl I d,:,I ,"

1'.

;

"

,I ,'.hi[ if you look cool or not.

111;1{I\!1AN. ,pi' 01,II

t

,

f\i\ , " .1,11 ,Ibout me, fuck you.

I.I\ X y", I'," I

""

1

I I II' d"lIll. all my stories, Herman. IIUd\ IM I I," '1i.1 " "I/ ', ',lory! All right? I'm me.

I I\X ii' ,I,\,'\ ,1111" I ,II Villi, are you worried about what's goillg, to

11.11'1 ₁₁ II 11-' >,''.1111

1

'"

dll ')' transfer you to population? (La.x turns the

( 11111('( ,'

"/itk

/,1 11, 1 11/1111.)

I \ \,'I{"11\ IIJ . t / /

,

l

l:"

grill., yellow teeth.) They'll never transfer me to

1'(lI,"I

-

,

d

'

~

"i

1.'111 IIIOI'e important than Paris Hilton.

I.AX

,

'cr

ill

,

11111 you're worth more to them dead than alive, lcid .

25 I

Eve[ hear of Jeff[ey Dahmer?

HERMAN. Don't compare me to IIl.It II" ''!,

LAX

.

You think you're all right ~ (/ /,.,.,111111I/tl l,'1 11/,1/.1'/'( ,/I I I"~ i ,/llImt.)

H ERMAN. I think

I'm

gcnius. (1111" 1/111/" 1. II, \J~'" /I/i//lIlW I' ,/lot.)

LAX

.

W hat wcnr rhrOllgh YOI'" ",,",1 Will I I r",! ) \\ (.1_"

"I'

that

morning?

III'JZMI\N. The IIIOllliII J', I .lid iI" I.I\ X. Y\ ,\.

11I :1\fV!I\ N TI'.II W.I·. .I r-" I"II< 1,1\'. I Ijid,

d.I)I.

I 1\ \ A I , ,'"11 "")' ;ill'. dll q rI , ,,Ii ,I" III! 1111\1,) (' i 1,., vl' """ ,1" 1( ,I " III! ' 1~ l n~;\ lii l'"

III ' 1{f\lI A~J 11,,", I"il \" ".1 iii ' fi~' 01)0" 11,, Wli'U, I WIl, l'I'I,i),ing

w.'·, 111.,1 I ," il )! I ,' I)I h[I\ , ,Iqll l II

;/#0'11

ti l')" B Ili 11 ,( ,,;: lw Iii' W.I )' in

11<'11

II",·

..

·

I" "I'll \VI " II', /"'11'1' 1,11'i." W" I'[ tlli}\, "n~;i";'; i 1./\ X•

1'

,,"

1<cI II" " II I< " .,

HERM AN . (I'/I I/If' ) 1,1,,1111 Wil Pl ' U 1,;11 Nil "1" I"

LAX.

Why 1l01 ~

HERMAN. Ikl.IIIW I,i' W.I'. .11' ;.11

'

I

,

III ie,d "!I, I 11 ,. III I,. !·,.Iv r; a shit.

LAX.

It sounds like YOII lik,·.! l,lil·l. \VI1I' d;,1\, 011I :~II 1111<1 HERMAN. He gOl ill Ill)' VII.IV. I 1 1 :lli,, · ,' I~"1 I"

,

I

,I

LAX.

Did you finish

hdm

\.'

yt" I we " '1'1 "1

I"

III I. ,I HERMAN. I was just gl·tlill~', \-V.II 1111,1 "I'

LAX.

So there's more pcopir.: y O ll W;,"I I" 11:1/

HERMAN. Yes.

LAX.

What are you going IU do .rllr.'11 II,

HERMAN. Kill them.

LAX.

How are you going to do Ih.11 III 1'1

;·

,

t

'!'

,

?

HERMAN. I think I better !l ot I.IIk .rllIlI'l

f

i

,

LAX.

Why not?

HERMAN. Next question.

LAX.

What did you do when YOI I f'..,1 III i., I"'I,I '

HERMAN. I waited until everyo l1,· IV.I··. ill '" , '111·1 Iii "I't! . 1111'11 I

went around and put chains wi th IOI.;k... II I' .rl i II II ~ i ," II W,I'. , ·.I~,)'. Second period is when the securiry gll.ll·"·, l.rlll till II IIIIIi I, l'I \.·;tlc

Then I went to the computer centcr ;tllli ! ~"I III ,' [ II' 'Id I " " I "Y 10 send out a different message of the da )' 1111

ril

l

1"rll w .I \· 111""11111 ' .

LAX.

Did you get that idea from H arri .... :1I1I1 1" 1,'I,, d,I :'

HERMAN. You're good. But you see my ilki \-V. I" 11' rlll.lIII 1,lidll'l

26

give any warning. I sent out a mandatory pep-rally message instruct­

ing all the kids to skip their third period and go to the gym. Timmy

thought it was a great prank. He said he wouldn't miss it for the

world. Then I went to my locker and gOt the guns and pipe bombs.

LAX.

Where did you get the pipe bombs?

HERMAN. I made them.

LAX.

Was it easy?

HERMAN. It was easy once I gOt the instructions off the 'net.

All

I had to do was go to one hardware store and get half the ingredi­

ents, then go (0 the other and get the other half. No one had a clue

what I was up to.

LAX.

Where did you get the guns?

HERMAN. A guy I know works at the Walmarr in Council Bluffs;

he sold them to me.

LAX

.

Don't you need to be eighteen to buy guns in Iowa?

HERMAN. Do you have any idea how easy it is to get a gun? I tell

you, it scares me. There are more ways around being under eighteen

and getting a gun (kill I can count. Everyone and their brother has

a gun.

LAX.

You mean everyone and their mother.

H ERMAN. What?

L

AX.

Everyone hOls a mother, not a brother. That's the saying,

"Everyone and rhci r l1l()ther. "

HERMAN. Whatcver.

LAX

.

You ,1rl' ;\w;\rc lhat everyone has a mother, right?

HERMAN . ./1'.1'11.1 UJrist you're asking stupid questions. I thought

you were supposl·d 10

he

some kind ofhotshot reporter. This is a very

important .)tory, yotl know. 1don't think you'll ever have one bigger.

LAX.

Okay, kt \ Clil

to

ir. Did you ever think of the people's mothers

or fathers or lowd I IIl CS while you were shooting them in their faces?

H ERMAN .

N

il.

LAX.

You I1I.·VI.'1 I hought that maybe these kids had people who

cared about Ihelll, would miss them?

HER.1vfA

N

.

No.

LAX.

W hy Il()t ~

HERMAN. Because I'm obviously fucked up,

Lax

.

Do you think a normal persoll goes into their school and shoots everyone? What

can I say? l'lll special.

LAX.

H ow do you think your mother would feel if you had been

killed?

'

~~

I

I

"

~I

I"

I

i'

,~

I

;l~i

_•

:

_I

,

Iii

I,

HERMAN. At this point, she'd probably be relieved.

LAX. Oh, come on.

HERMAN. If you say so.

LAX. Well, you're not the most likable kid I ever met, but even

Hider's mother loved him.

HERMAN. It's not like me and her have a whole lot to talk about.

She goes to work all day, I go to school all day. At night, she has

her life and I have mine. We don't interfere with each other. She's

very good about giving me my privacy.

LAX. Yeah, but your life consists of playing video games and mak­

ing pipe bombs. Didn't she have a clue?

HERMAN. She's a busy lady.

LAX. What about your father?

HERMAN. He lives in Chicago with his new wife. (Pause')

LAX. When you were eleven, your sister was hurt in a hit-and-run,

right?

HERMAN. Right.

LAX. Then she died a few days later.

HERMAN. Yep.

LAX. Were you close to her?

HERMAN. We had our moments.

LAX. You want to tell me about one?

HERMAN. It's not nice to talk to strangers about dead pt'ople you

cared about.

LAX. So, you did care about her.

HERMAN. She was my sister.

LAX. Were you home when it happened?

HERMAN. Yeah.

LAX. It happened right outside your house.

HERMAN. You've done your homework, Lax.

LAX. Did you go out and help her?

HERMAN. No.

LAX. Why not?

HERMAN. Because I was eleven; there wasn't a whole hell o[ a lot

I could have done, now was there?

LAX. Did you call your mom?

HERMAN. What?

LAX. Did you call your mom when you found out what happened?

HERMAN. Did it feel good when you tOok that bat to the nig­

ger's head?

28

LAX. I'm asking the questions, Herman.

HERMAN. No.

LAX. No what?

HERMAN. No, I didn't call my mom.

LAX. Why not?

HERMAN. I didn't think ofit. What would she have done, anyway?

LAX. I imagine she would have rushed home.

HERMAN. You really don't get it.

LAX. Don't get what?

HERMAN. I'm done talking to you today.

LAX. We haven't been going very long. (Herman folds his arms and

looks at Lax in silent defiance.) All right. I'll come back tOmorrow.

(Lax puts his camna away and knocks on the door three times. The

door opens and hi' ('xi/)', leaving Herman alone in the room. Lights up' On the Howard"'/I"I/Ig room a flw years ago. Herman sits on the floor in from ofthp 'j'v, PIc/,S

up

a lJideo-game contro!!er and starts plaJiing. He is eleven. ()/I/J;r!(' 1/1(' /)ear a car hit something and then accelerate. A scream is /Jmrrl. .flil/owed

ky

a crowd ofvoices clamoring around the scene. Hem'llfl'l IS 1I1Ij;,zed. His t)'es never leave the screen.)

VOICE OUTSII )j;.. My God, that's Gail Howards' little girl I

(Ambulanu' ,1/1'1 '1/1' ill ',' /I('rlld approaching. Herman pauses his game

and takes in I{J/1II1 11/11'jlll't /iflppened. He goes to the window. He thinks for a mOfl/l'IIl, ;// 1'1/ g ill' \' 1/1 the phone and dials his mom's cell phone, It

goes directly III /ll/i''r'/l/tII'/. '

GAIL H( )WAIZI IS. (VI//i'I'IIIJf.'r.) Hello, you've reached Gail Howards

at Comptl I roll. I , :111'1 j.:,(' ( 10 my phone right now, but please leave

your nan K' :111" 11111 Iii ><..' /', or ICd Free to email me at G Howards at

Computl'oll d'lI (PilI, Ill' ITy ('he office at 555-6808. Thank you.

(Hermall II!II( ~'I' 1'/' filii/ ti/,iL, 5 55-6808, A recorded voice answers.)

RECORI )I,~J) V( >It :I':. (Voiceover.) Hello. Welcome to the

Compu( ('Oil 1,1,,,11,' :llIswl.'ling system. Your business is important

to us. W" kllow Y"III Iilllc is valuable. The following is a list of

options 10 1!I.IXillli'I,(' Iill' dlicicnc)' of your call:

If YO II .11(' l .dl ill k ill rJl:lcncc to stOck options, press one.

If Y(l11 1' "ill i ,~ Iq~,II'Jillg Computron merchandise, press two,

IF YOIII

, Iill i" ,ollu.: rnillg job placement, press three.

For :.11 "t/WI ill'l'lil il"" please press four now. (Herman presses four.) Pk: 10~' \V ,III '111\' 1I1(1I1ll'1lt while I transfer your call. For quality asSULlIll ", II,i" \ ,ill 1I1:IYIll' monitored. Now transferring. (There are some clid'i//,t~ II1if111l1l1~F/Tilig noises, followed bJi a dial tone.)

HERMAN. Dammit! (He hits rediaL.)

RECORDED VOICE. (Voiceover.) Hello. Welcome to the

Computron phone answering system. Your busine~s is important to us. We know your time is valuable. The following is a list of options to maximize the efficiency of your call:

If you are calling in reference ro stock options ... (Herman presses foUl)

Please wait one moment while I transfer your call. For quality assurance, this call may be monitored. Now transferring. (The same clicking sounds are heard, foLLowed by another rer01r:led /loice.)

RECORDED VOICE 2. (Voiceo1Jer.) All or our opcrarors are cur­ rently assisting other customers. Your call is imporranr to us. Please wait on the line and someone will be with YOli shortly, or for faster

service, visit our website at w-w-w dot C:omputron dot com. Where all your needs can be fulfilled. Your estimated wait time is seventeen minures. Thank you For your patience. (HoLd music pLays.

Herman hangs up the phone, gets another om

or

Coca-CoLa, then goes

back to the TV and plays his game as te{irS roll d OUJI1 hi)' cheeks. Cross­ fade to the Chet Chat show, Chet's

face

loud 011 {III t/))'('I' screens.}

CHET CLARKSON. The Domestic 'rcrrorisill 'I'rihunal convenes this afternoon to decide the fate of Herman Ilowards. Many are hoping he will be the first minor to go through the Ilew Fast-track execution system.

I have to say, the speed with which this case ha~ Illoved is noth­ ing short of extraordinary. Quite frankly, the little b~lst;]rd deserves to fry and we should all have the right to watch'

Now, there are some who feel this is a bastardi:;,arioll of rhe sys­

tem and we shouldn't allow it .. , but I don't think those worcl~ are coming from the families of the victims, They don't feel the court is being too hard on this mass-murdering domestic terrorist. So, to all you bleeding heart peaceniks out there, I have one simple request: When your heart goes our to poor, poor Herman Howards, for one minute just try to imagine that it was your child he brutally mur­ dered for no reason, Then imagine what you'd want done to the lit­ tle maniac, Now, can you honestly tell yourself you wouldn't want all the eyes of America tuned in as Herman pays the price for "vhar he did? You're watching Chet Chat, we'll be right back (BLackout')

End of Act

O

ne

30

ACT TWO

Scene 1

Lax is dimly Lit as he sLeeps in bed, tossing and turning

through his nightmare. He wakes up and sees Herman Lying

beside him, hoLding a Large gun.

HERMAN. I gOt real close to his face, I said to him, "Spare some change?" and he said, "What?" And I said, "I'M THE ONE ASK­

ING THE QUESTIONS NOW, ASSHOLE!" He started fucking

with his pockets but he was so scared he couldn't get his hands in. Not fast enough. I pulled the trigger.

LAX. This was Michael Ray?

HERMAN. Yeah, Michael Ray.

LAX. What went through your mind as you pulled the trigger? HERMAN. I dlOught there would be more blood.

LAX, Why did YOLl shoot him?

HEJUv'fAN.

'Iv was an

asshole. LAX. Wh:1I h:lti lie done to you? HERMAN. I Ie was jusr a dick.

LAX. Do YOII thillk he deserved to die because he was just a dick?

HERMAN. ":VlTyhody dies whether I think they deserve to or not. LAX. 'l'11:iI '~ ,nil', 11111 Il'lOSr people, even dicks, live until they're old and rhl'lI di t' 11 :11111,"1 )'.

HERMAN, N,IIIII;"ly? Nor Michael Ray. (Herman disappears and is repLrfl'('(l 1

'

)111'1

'

/;/I/I'/.' /.-ir/j"(}'tJ7. Cforgia. The kid extends his arm and pointr /11,1' /;II,~i'I' III !.tf.\',)

KID. You !;11(lW wlll'l'l' you're going for what you did to me, don't

you, Vi,';' (f fiX ,i!,I'I,( III' (1iIc! moves to him, The kid disappears.) LA,;'(. 1'111 .'0 ny l (.~/'{')'Ill wa/,es up.)

SH EYI A Wh,lI i l

LAX. \'<III:II?! (i,flx l'i'fIlizes he was sLeepwaLking.)

SHEYI A Arc YOII sleepwalking?

I:~

I

LAX. No.

SHEYLA. Then what are you doing?

I

LAX. I don't know. (She gets up and starts to gather her things.) Come

back to bed.

1I1 1

SHEYLA. I gotta go. LAX. You're leaving?

'i

l

l

_{SHEYLA. I have my Gail Howards interview today. Have to prepare.}

LAX. It's

4: 15

in the morning.

SHEYLA. I do my homework. Remember?

I

_{LAX. I remember a lot of things.}

SHEYLA. What do you remember?

I

LAX. I remember the way your toes curl when I kiss your sweet

spot. (She smiles and lets herself enjoy the memory for a moment.)

:1 Don't go.

SHEYLA. You weren't with me last night.

LAX. Oh, no? Who was I with?

'/ SHEYLA. You were alone. (She gives him a kiss on the cheek and

exits. Lax goes over to the minor.)

;

~

;

,

_{LAX. Hey, buddy. How you doing. (Lights up on Herman looking}

I _{back at him, talking to his own l'ejlection in his celf.)}

HERMAN. You're a superstar. Yes you are. Yes you are. Good night,

II

superstar. (Lax and Herman stare at each other through the mirror.)

Scene 2

The Howards' living room. The TV is on, but only static plays. AU the curtaim are closed. Gail does her best to appear respectable, but there is a crazy look in her eyes. She is.fragile.

III

!

_{Almost unaware that she is being recorded. Gail is seen on all}

three screens.

1111 GAIL HOWARDS. They all blame me. Every last one of them

looks at me like it's my fault. As if I told him to do it. As if I never

I

_{gave him any guidance. As if I wanted this!}

SHEYLA. I'm not blaming you for anything. I'm trying to give

you a chance to explain your side of this. That's all.

32

I

I

I

GAIL HOWARDS. He was my little boy once. He was my little

boy who had a sweet smile. God, did he have a SWeet smile. We

were a happy family. My husband left when Herman was eight,

Julia was five. She stayed the same, but Herman, something hap­

pened to Herman. He'll tell you that's not the truth, but it is.

SHEYLA. Who will?

GAIL HOWARDS. Frank. He'll tell you Herman was happy and

nothing was wrong, but it was. Herman's whole concept of the

world was ripped away from him when he was eight years old. But

it's not my flldr. [ didn't leave. Frank and I had a decent sex life.

(She nodi 7J_{igorl!lfS/Y.)} It _{was good.}

SHEYLA. inlllH:diardy after the incident, you were quoted as say­

ing: "Herll1:Ul

i

~

;

a happy, healthy, teenager with a promising future. I can't uIl<!nsl :lnd why he would do such a thing." It seems you've

changed )I<lIlr Illilld, Ilavt: you?

GAIL H ( )WAI{ I)S. I

,~aid

that because I had to. Legally, I had to,

SHEYLA. I.q ."dly?

GAIL HO WA HI )."1. [I:dkt:d to my lawyer before the news people

got to my IHHI' \.'. 1'111 IInl some bumpkin who allows herself to

become b;lId(l'111'1 ilClIII Iwellty-nine lawsuits,

You rhil ii, 1'111 .1

~

nld woman. That I don't care about what

happened III dlll" (' \ Ilildr"l!.

No

one understands until they're put in this

po

~

itil"I

,

Illll k, I'm Ilor a doctor. My official statement is that I dOII'1 1\"(lW wll)' Il L' did it. All I know is one minute he's happy, lht' 11(',, ( IlI illlll<" II,.':'; dt:pressed, the next minute I'm asking

my friend

~

dlllill

.1,1," 1111 , you know what kind, and before I blink,

he's gone ( 11111'1"1 ..:1" 11i.',;IIIt:.

My

child. Do you have children?

SHEYIA Nil.

GAIL [IUWA I\lI .... I didll'l Ihink so.

SHEYI.A, WII.II ,I" Y'III d() rill' a living now that Frank is gone?

GAIL I [( JW;\lUl,.... 1'111

;l.~,o;istant

head marketing director at

Complll r(lII '" 111.1111 l,r:IIH II here. r.ight years since Frank left.

SHEVI ,A, Villi Wl l,' 1'1'IIiIOI t:d quickly. Assistant head marketing

directol .11 C:"IIII'"IICIIi ill

t:

il

~

11I

years is impressive.

GAIl. I [( )WA1\1 )... 'l'II:IIl!, you, [ made it my top priority. SHEYI ,A. I )i,I 1/1'1111,111 giv,,; you any clues as to what he might be up ro~

GAIl. II( lWAI{I),'i, N()t/ling.

SHEYI .A. I)i,1 )f()11 1II1I1Iilor his IllCerl1ct time, keep him from

warchill!', I~ I,II \.·l! 111' 11'1 1" )