Section 2

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Important Notes

Bona-fide purchasers of this e-course may print one copy of this document for personal use. You can also read it as many times as you want on screen.

However, it is NOT legal to store, reproduce, forward, email, or transmit this publication or any part of it in any form or by any electronic, physical, or mechanical means including photocopying, recording, or introduction into any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the copyright owner and the publishers of this e-course.

What you CAN use - in fact we want you to use them – are brief quotations in reviews prepared for inclusion in a magazine, newspaper, or broadcast.

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For Educational Purposes Only

We need to make a few boundaries perfectly clear before you dive into the secrets, tips and tricks that make up Tantric Sextasy. Bear with us before your Tantric sex exploration starts!

The material in this e-course is for educational purposes and is intended to provide helpful guidance to lovers about human sexuality. We’ve made every attempt to provide accurate, dependable, up-to-date information and we believe that what's presented here is helpful and poses no risk to any healthy person. This 5-part e-course is sold with the understanding that neither the authors nor the publishers are engaged in rendering medical, nor any other professional service. If you have questions concerning the application of the material and advice described in this e-course and its affect on your health and well-being, it is your responsibility to consult a qualified professional first.

Any use of the techniques used in this e-course is at your own risk.

This e-course is not intended to serve as medical treatment, psychological counseling, psychotherapy, or any other services best performed by a health professional. No part of this e-course should be used as a means of self-treatment or as a viable substitute to or for medical evaluation by a physician. If you suspect you have a condition requiring such treatment, we encourage you to seek professional help before engaging in the practices included.

Absolutely no part of the program should cause pain or unusual symptoms. Should such arise during or after doing the practices within, the affected party is advised to seek medical evaluation to identify possible causes.

If you have knowledge of or a suspicion that you have contracted a sexually transmitted disease, you are urged to consult with a qualified health professional before engaging in any PARTNER SEXERCISES described in this e-course. Detailed guidelines about safer and smarter conscious sex are included at the end.

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professional disagreement, or outdated material in this e-course. The authors and publishers are not liable for any upsetting reaction, divorce, damage, injury, infection, fatal disease, or other adverse outcome as a result of applying the information or engaging in any activities suggested in this e-course.

Well, there it is. All the stuff we have to swear off due to the high levels of conflict in our modern world. Now that you've suffered through all this legal stuff, let the Tantric sexuality secrets that will change your lives forever unfold now!

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DAY 2 Private Session:

How to Achieve Your Orgasm Goals

One Body-Wracking SEXERCISE at a Time…

The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but

in the mastery of his passions. - Alfred Lord Tennyson

On Day 2 of Tantric Sextasy, you’ll learn that your ‘current mind goals’ are actually blocking your capacity to achieve better orgasms. Today, you’ll go through various practical sexercises to unlearn old sexual habits, and learn new, hotter, better, more erotic, more longer-lasting ones.

Chapter 3: Tantra is Mental, Emotional and Spiritual Sex

In this chapter, learn how Tantric Spiritual Sex is MORE than anything you've experienced. You’ll discover the importance of acknowledging that you – and only you – are fully responsible for yourself and your pleasure through honesty, intimacy, and communication. This chapter also teaches you to verbalize what you really what in bed and moreover, how to teach your lover how you want to be loved in bed!

A key element in this Chapter is finding out that we all poses both masculine and feminine gender roles within us and how exactly to use this knowledge to your sexual benefit. Lastly, you’ll discover the foundation for the Tantric Sextasy Ritual practices, which are the basis for your Tantric Lovemaking.

Chapter 4: Your Tantric Sacred Space

In this chapter, you’ll begin to understand the six stages of the Tantric Sextasy Ritual. You’ll have a deeper appreciation why Tantric Sextasy is Spiritual Sex and know how to create a Tantric Sacred Space, the first stage of the Tantric Sextasy Ritual.

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Chapter 3: Tantra is Mental, Emotional and

Spiritual Sex

Tantric Sex – Closer, Wider, Deeper, Higher, Longer…

Now that you're fully immersed in the Tantric Attitude represented by YES-BE, as the song says, let's get physical. Yes, this e-course is about sex, Spiritual Sex to be more specific, which you realize means special, sacred, and tantric. That's why we started with Tantra so you could appreciate how what we offer is different from humping and getting off.

Many people are drawn to Tantra to transform their sex lives. So in this chapter we'll first explain how Spiritual Sex is different. If you're into philosophy, you

might say it's the material manifestation of the Tantric Attitude.

Chapter 3 introduces a fundamental theme of all Tantric practice, communication. It's the key to intimacy, personal responsibility, and empowerment in Tantric Sextasy. Oh boy, do we have some fun things for you to practice with in that arena.

With this foundation, we'll explain Tantric Sextasy's approach to the war of the sexes, which is no war at all. One way to define Tantric Sextasy is to call it the divine merger of masculine and feminine energies. We bet you're good at one of them but before we're done with you, you'll be able to use both to great advantage.

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© 2008 Gabrielle Moore, Somraj Pokras & Jeffrey TallTrees, Ph.D 9 Spiritual Sex is all about sexual energy, that rising energy that precedes and fuels orgasm. When it's blocked, lovers need sexual healing. That's where this chapter ends, with an introduction. We'll give you more than enough to practice here so you'll be preparing for next steps after you master the Tantric Sextasy Ritual. If you choose, Tantric Sextasy has nearly limitless applications for your sex, love, and life.

Another reminder, true transformation occurs through practice. So as you're moving through this and all the other chapters, when you come to a practice, read it all the way through, and then stop to do it.

What is Spiritual Sex?

In addition to rejoicing in our artistic, creative, and spiritual characteristics,

Tantrikas (Tantra adepts) practice the revelation that humans are fundamentally

sexual beings. We honor sex as a celebration of life and a desire to merge our souls with each other. This is a direct outgrowth of the Tantric Attitude.

Tantrikas connect lust, love, and life force by making love on multiple levels. Tantric Sextasy is Spiritual Sex because we merge all our energies inside by connecting the sex, heart, and spirit chakras (the energy centers up and down the body aligned with the spine), and share each with our lover.

All too often, modern lovemaking starts with a quick build up and ends with an equally quick release of sexual tension, at least for guys. Not so in Tantric Sextasy. Spiritual Sex uses the same body parts and physical actions, but unfolds much differently than the average quickie hurtling downhill to explosive release.

We're not against quickies; we love them when the time is right. We just want you to have a vast repertoire of sexual alternatives. No boredom here.

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relaxing, opening your senses, and surrendering to the subtle waves of pleasurable orgasmic energy, which become more and more resounding as you welcome them.

SEX = Subtle Energy eXchange

Spiritual S.E.X. means Subtle Energy eXchange as in any touching or moving together that connects lovers' inner vibrations. Releasing tension and giving in to the urge to come gets replaced with continuous streaming vibrations of intense ecstatic energy that ebb and flow. When we enter the altered state of consciousness that comes with orgasm after orgasm, the O-Zone, we simply float on a cloud of bliss together. These feelings often last more than 24 hours.

Spiritual S.E.X. is slow, spontaneous, and conscious. It's open, intimate, and mutual. Sex this way is more leisurely, savoring every delicious morsel of pleasure, instead of rushing headlong towards maximum turn-on as quickly as possible. Tantric lovers move slowly, stopping frequently to settle deeply into the rising tide of pleasure, stretching the experience and the ecstasy out for extended periods.

And, yes, there are times when it's hard and fast. There are different waves to this ocean of pleasure.

True, Spiritual Sex is a kind of worship, prayer, and cosmic experience. We often describe it as sexual meditation. Tantrikas who cultivate the continuous state of inner orgasm find themselves drawn to this meditative state naturally.

That's why Tantric Lovemaking begins with a ritual, to prepare the mind and body for complete relaxation. We enter Tantric practice without goals or expectations, surrendering to whatever unfolds. All of this creates the non-resistant mood in which we can consciously summon energy to fill our entire bodies and flow through us from head to toe.

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Tantric Sex - Pleasure More Than You Ever Imagined It to Be

When you seek pleasure, accept yourself, say "Yes," and discover who you really are, you'll undoubtedly find and celebrate your sexual self. You are a sexual being who came from the sexual act and is drawn towards it naturally. It's intrinsic, healthy, and damn good fun.

Tantrikas totally immerse themselves in all aspects of life they're attracted to. Consequently, they study and learn techniques to make their sex lives more than it's ever been. This is how you can use Tantra to create more spiritual fuel. Sexual play is where the power comes from that energizes the personal changes you're seeking. Things like how to be happier, more loving, more productive, more creative, more healthy.

The average lover's pleasure is constrained by a certain amount of embarrassment about their body. They're often overly shy about asserting themselves and going after what they want, based on a limited understanding of the arousal pathways and orgasmic triggers of their own and their lovers' bodies. We're not trying to invalidate what you've learned that works well and feels so good. We're just saying that there's so much more than the average person has ever imagined.

By sexual techniques we're talking about how to touch, kiss, and lick all parts of your partner's body. We mean how to give your lover's jewels (genitals) more excitement than ever before each time you make love. And receive great pleasure while you're doing it. We're referring to guiding the ebb and flow of who does what to whom and for how long to reach higher and higher states of ecstasy. Tantric Sex is Spiritual Sex. It's more like sensuously sipping an expensive Cabernet than chugging a six-pack of brew. It more closely resembles sampling the delicacies at a gourmet buffet than inhaling a pepperoni pizza during Monday

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© 2008 Gabrielle Moore, Somraj Pokras & Jeffrey TallTrees, Ph.D 12 Night Football. It's certainly a lot closer to a twilight stroll through a perfumed garden under a full moon with your lover on your arm than running a hundred-yard dash.

Through Tantric Sextasy, our sex becomes: Closer, Wider, Deeper, Higher, Longer, or just simply, More!

Closer

Spiritual Sex is more intimate, with more communication, and more cooperative. It's not a performance, it's a partnership. Both lovers are creating mutual pleasure together, like kids playing doctor for the first time.

Wider

Tantric Sextasy is first and foremost about consciousness, which widens the sexual playing field. When you study your sexual preferences, you find more erogenous zones. When you convert to a sex-positive mindset, you can absorb more and more pleasure. When you accept your body more, you become more responsible for your own pleasure. Maybe you'll find yourself enjoying things you wouldn't even try before like finger sex, slower sex, oral sex, or anal sex just to mention a few. When you approach sex consciously, you discover more of what you like, when, and how.

Deeper

Tantrikas learn to get out of their heads and into their bodies so they feel more. This makes their sexual experiences deeper. They become more aware of sexual energy, more able to summon passion at will, more likely to connect at more levels. When they tune into the subtler, higher, finer frequencies of Spiritual Sex, they unleash powerful spiritual forces. That's why we call S.E.X., Subtle Energy eXchange.

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Higher

Closer, wide, and deeper sex yields more ecstasy with more intensity. When you open your senses to full enjoyment of pleasure and drop your expectations, agendas, and goals about sex, you naturally soar higher and higher. Instead of focusing on getting or giving that Big O, you let better orgasms come to you. Both men and women discover new peaks, climaxes, and ecstatic experiences, expanding their orgasmic range. Ultimately, Spiritual Sex becomes meditation when you both float together, lost in the Orgasm Zone.

Longer

Many people define Spiritual Sex as ‘slow sex’. Well, sometimes that's true. And sometimes not. What we can vouch for is that Spiritual Sex takes more time and lasts longer, which is wonderful as this means spending more hours generating, absorbing, and exchanging more life-giving energy.

More

With all this going for you, you'll definitely beat the national average for committed couples having sex just once or twice a week for ten minutes. You'll get more sex because you'll want more sex more often. It will make you feel more alive, more vibrant, healthier, more peaceful. When your sexual encounters leave you feeling excited, energized, and empowered, you'll make more time for it. When your sexual play becomes closer, wider, deeper, higher, and longer, you'll find your whole outlook on life becoming more positive, upbeat, balanced, evolved. Then you'll know the true outcome of Tantric practice.

Performance Anxiety Be Gone!

Due to the fact that Tantrikas enter into Spiritual Sex without expectations, performance anxiety disappears. Are you familiar with that common mental

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© 2008 Gabrielle Moore, Somraj Pokras & Jeffrey TallTrees, Ph.D 14 refrain "Am I doing it right?" or the verbal one, "Did you come yet?" Men worry about their erections. Women worry about their orgasms.

My, my, we all have our worries, don't we?

When sex becomes a conscious dance of kundalini energy, any mystery about what's happening with your partner disappears. If you can imagine synchronized swimming with telepathic communication, you'll get some sense of what Spiritual Sex looks like. But lots more fun.

From the moment you begin to change the energy of the space around you, you are being sexual. You are using sexual orgasmic energy.

The instant your eyes meet those of your lover, you feel tingly inside. The first touch is electric, sending chills and shivers throughout your being. As you honor your lover and offer thanks for being with you at this time, tears may spring to your eyes. You may feel a strong stirring in your yoni or vajra (Tantric for vagina and penis) long before you take your clothes off.

We urge you not to miss a single tingle, a tiny shiver, or the subtlest energy surge. This is surely as much sex as anything else you'll ever do. It's also an essential prerequisite to arouse the God/Goddess in your lover.

In a later chapter we talk specifically about what this looks like during lovemaking with full sexual union (intercourse).

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: Sex and Ecstasy

Here are some questions to reflect on, journal, or talk about with your lover. • Describe a typical sexual encounter between you and your lover/ • What parts of Spiritual Sex intrigue you?

• If your sex were more tantric, what do you think it would be like? What would be different?

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Ecstatic Orgasms Await You…

Tantrikas celebrate sexuality as the ultimate divine gift. With Tantric practice, sex feels beyond words, once you learn to move out of your mind and into your body fully. Dropping quickly into a state of ecstasy is what Tantric Sextasy is all about.

We call it supreme bliss. When your body and your spirit are in tune, ecstasy is the experience, beyond sensation. Ecstasy is the feeling of floating in a no-mind condition with your body tingling and waves of orgasmic energy flowing through you.

That's why we say Spiritual Sex is more meditation than athletics.

Tantrikas become better lovers through conscious practice. By expanding your practice with "sex techniques" you continue to push forward in your own growth. You'll find your blocks, breathe through them, and perhaps most importantly get a clear picture of who you are sexually and spiritually. You'll also know exactly what you like, what you want or prefer in sex as well as in your relationship.

As your experience deepens, you open to new levels of intimate communion. Through the pursuit of pleasure, you release the issues in the tissues that have limited your enjoyment. As a result, both male and female erections become stronger (more about female erections later when we get into the G-Spot), you make love longer, and you experience more powerful and prolonged orgasms. Even greater than all of this, you'll experience ecstatic Tantric Orgasms that take you to greater realms than "normal sex”.

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What are Your Orgasm Goals?

Learning the full appreciation of sex teaches you to delight in your bodies and welcome pleasure. You explore erotic play fully and comprehensively, immersing yourselves fully just like you do with every other part of life.

Lovemaking in Tantric Sextasy is all about feeling pleasure intensely for as long as possible. It's about building, containing, and circulating sexual energy. It's about letting your innate electromagnetism unfold and expand, not trying to make something happen. Remember, these are natural feelings we were all born with.

When you focus on orgasm, you are concentrating on a goal in the future which takes you out of the moment. You miss what you're feeling in large measure. You miss the delicious energies building inside you now. If you're continuously comparing your lovemaking to some imagined mental picture, you can't fully appreciate, nor can you fully feel, what you're sensing in the present.

Pleasure is now, orgasms come when they come. And they will come (double meaning intended).

You've carried the burden of performance long enough. Don't worry about making your honey climax. Your sweetheart is a fully empowered sexual being who will discover, communicate, and take full responsibility for pleasure, too. Your job is to support, not to control.

Relax and enjoy. Relax your body and mind. Choose the conscious choice of surrender. Allow yourself to melt into your bodily sensations. Let go and allow yourself to love. Feel ecstasy and experience yourself as whole. There is no other place to go. You are here. Your life is not a rehearsal.

Stop Blocking the Flow of Orgasmic Energy

The natural tension of pushing for what you really want serves as a useful motivator for some people. But any kind of tension blocks the flow of subtle

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root of Tantric Sextasy's transformative processes.

It's distracting enough to be thinking about your own climax or trying to prevent it too soon. When your mind is also intent on your partner's climb to orgasm, you can get dragged down by a severe case of performance anxiety. This can happen

whether you're male or female. Instead of focusing on feeling good, you spend your energy worrying about how well you're both doing. Guess what happens to your turn-on?

In lovemaking of all kinds, we release agendas, pictures, humdrum patterns, and our mind's idea of what sex should look like. It's all divine play and it's all good, all the time. In this kind of play, there is no "fore," nor is there a "main" act. We release our ego needs for success through climax, ours or our partners. Since we've released all goals of giving or receiving orgasm, anything may happen as the mood strikes us.

That doesn't mean orgasm is unwelcome or avoided. And it doesn't mean that climaxes aren't incredibly spectacular in Spiritual Sex. The many varieties of orgasm we experience are downright amazing when they overtake us. (More about this in the Tantric Lovemaking Chapter – Day 5.) It just means we allow them to happen of their own accord.

Heighten Your Senses, Feel Your Feelings, Enjoy Your Pleasure With No Agenda

All this thinking and worrying takes you out of your body and into your mind. By ignoring your own sensory input in the moment, you severely limit your own ability to run sexual energy throughout your body and experience waves of orgasmic bliss.

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© 2008 Gabrielle Moore, Somraj Pokras & Jeffrey TallTrees, Ph.D 18 We have found that merely focusing on your breathing is a quick and sure way to get you back into your body. You've already had some exposure to this fundamental Tantric tool, but a lot more awaits you in the Energizing Turn-On Chapter (Day 4).

When you're trying to recreate an earlier ecstatic experience, expecting to go longer than last time, or have a bigger explosion this time, you're taking yourself out of the experience you want to expand. All too often having expectations just create frustrations and anxiety. So the sexual practice of Tantric Sextasy guides you to shift from orgasm as your goal to continuously enjoying the pleasures of orgasmic energy for as long as you choose.

To repeat, when ecstatic states are where you play, orgasms become secondary.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: Your Sex Life

Here are some questions to reflect on, write about in your Sexploration Journal, or talk about.

• How present are you during sex?

• How much do you focus on giving or getting the Big O (orgasm)?

• What do you believe is a good lover's responsibility toward their own pleasure? Toward their partner's pleasure? Do you and your partner agree on this one?

• Describe a peak ecstatic sexual experience. Do you try to recreate it?

PARTNER SEXERCISE: Spiritual Sex

Description

To truly practice the ultimate in Spiritual Sex, you need to embrace and practice everything in this e-course. But already you understand the Tantric Attitude of YES-BE and the fundamentals of Spiritual Sex. So we want to give you an opportunity to put these concepts into action in your lovemaking right away.

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1. Establish your own sex ritual.

The next time you make love, make it more of a ritual. Bathe or shower together first. Clean and decorate your bedroom. Use candles, incense, music, or whatever turns you on.

2. No expectations.

Don't make a plan for this encounter. Simply agree that you'll have fun, exchange pleasure, and see what happens.

3. Touch each other tantrically.

Look into each other's eyes, exchange sweet words of love, kiss long and sensuously. Touch each other all over slowly and gently. Exchange whatever lovemaking gets you each turned on.

4. Amplify sexual energy.

Focus your attention on your body and the sensations growing and shifting inside. Breathe deep, move sensually, and make love sounds. When you feel energy moving, dwell on it and amplify it.

5. Savor sensations.

Instead of rushing for the maximum excitement as soon as possible, take your time. Savor each delicious sensation. There's no destination. See how long you can stretch out each touch, lick, tickle, and stroke.

6. Practice peaking.

Enjoy whatever sexual activities you want, from fingers, lips, and tongues to vajra and yoni. But instead of pushing for orgasm, practice peaking, seeing how close you can hover without exploding. When one of you reaches a pinnacle of excitement, both relax and feel. Watch your own arousal and guide your honey so you can both enjoy at least three peaks of pleasure.

7. Just go for it!

After extending your pleasure as long as you choose, enjoy one or more orgasms if you want.

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Don't just rush off to other things after your ritual. Relax and reflect on how good you each feel. Did you learn anything you'd like to share? Journal your experiences with pride; noticing and accepting any resistance that comes up. End with a bow, kiss, hug, and heartfelt acknowledgment of each other.

Intimacy –When Body and Soul Mingle in Poetry

Spiritual Sex Is Heart-Centered

To bring about inner peace and harmony, the Eastern masters teach us to seek our inner core of truth centered in our heart. As we grow in consciousness and self-love, our hearts unfold and we share more of ourselves with others. We communicate more openly

and authentically about what's really important. Naturally, our desire and capacity to love increases.

Spiritual Sex is heart-centered. Yes, it's about being in your body and feeling pleasure. But it's the sharing that really counts. It's about being more sensitive to yourself and your partner's feelings. That's why we describe Spiritual Sex as being more centered in your heart, your whirlpool of love, than rooted in your jewels. Heart-centered lovers are motivated by what's good for their lovers as well as themselves. A good share of their joy comes from caring about others. They develop the instinctive energies of the heart: compassion, gratitude, and giving thanks.

Though the foundations of Tantric Sextasy begin with solo sexercises, many join this path with a partner to enhance their love. With consciousness and self-acceptance, we discover what a strong teacher a relationship is. We tend to see the cup half-full instead of half-empty and focus on the redeeming qualities about otherwise dysfunctional situations.

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Intimacy – A Mega Turn-On for Women!

For most women, intimacy heightens their turn-on when a guy learns how to talk about his feelings with honesty and heartfelt expression instead of blame or judgment. Blaming and judging can not only diminish intimacy, it can mess up your sex life miserably. Men's intimacy expands when women open up and assert their truth without blame.

Of course, women simply love words of affection and adoration. Subsequently, the Goddess in every woman loves and desires a man who can use words to describe his feelings. She puts more stock in words than the average male. She knows in her heart that intimacy is "in to me you see." Self revelation can work wonders. Guys love intimacy as well, although many seem content with sexual intimacy initially. Emotional intimacy is something to grow into together.

Intimacy can also be about sharing fantasies and playing them out. Often the fantasies lurking inside are pretty kinky so we may feel uncomfortable sharing them with our lover. Moving past this inhibition can be exciting on multiple levels. The truth-telling is a turn-on because of the increased sense of closeness and acceptance. Plus the content of most any fantasy can really get your sexual motor going big time even if you never seriously consider playing it out.

Intimacy is based on trust. Trust has its foundation in truth; being honest with yourself and with your lover in enhancing ways to promote the deepening of your love and connection. Intimacy isn't always pleasant, but the long term results can't be denied. You both grow, expand, trust and love more fully while sex becomes hotter and more energetic. Intimacy is the tool to open your emotional channels, feel great about who you are and have the courage to play at the highest realms of sacred sexuality.

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Let’s Talk Sex

Connecting is about communicating awareness. You can create intimate connection by physically touching and holding hands. It can be a psychic process, simply with the focus of your mind and your intention. Certainly, you can use words to bridge the distance between you.

Growing up without the Tantric Attitude makes sexual communication awkward, embarrassing, and challenging. Women don't want to be seen as slutty. Men don't want to be rude or offensive. Few have the vocabulary other than four-letter words to honor the jewels and the acts of sex. The closest many get to openly confronting sex is with dirty jokes. So many of our clients and subscribers won't even say the word "sex" or talk about "making love" without vague euphemisms.

Most likely, you both need to be more comfortable communicating about sex. It will be great for you to create an intention together to be able to talk with each other about sex openly, honestly, and often. Admit it if it's scary or if you've never done it before. Don't be afraid to reveal what's embarrassing, what brings up strange feelings, and what discomfort surfaces. Start with talking about your fears and asking about the fears you imagine your partner has.

We're not going to kid you about all this. Learning to talk with your partner about sex, including the subtleties as well as the techniques, requires guts and practice. Sometimes women want to protect their man's ego so they're too polite or too vague. Often they're unsure if they even have the right to ask for anything different than what they're getting. Too many men and women don't know how, why, or when they want something different.

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Cross the Sexual Communication Frontier

Sexual communication is a major frontier for most couples. Cross this chasm and we guarantee it will make your sex hotter. The other good news is that jumping emotional hurdles yourself opens your orgasmic energy channels.

Fortunately, there are even more pay-offs from learning to converse easily about sex, love, and intimacy. Communicating with words is a great tool for titillation and flirtation. Communication is also essential for exchanging information so that you can enhance your own and your partner's pleasure.

Sometimes it's necessary to coach or redirect partners when what they're doing with their fingers, mouths, or jewels isn't working for you. If you make an agreement beforehand about how you want to communicate during sex, it can be much less challenging. No one likes to feel criticized or put down, most particularly while in bed with a lover. Not to worry, we'll be offering LOTS of specific sexual techniques about this later in Tantric Lovemaking (Day 5).

Because the sexual communication frontier takes courage and practice to cross, we've been including discussion questions after each section of this e-course, Yes, that's why they're there, designed to encourage you to talk more freely about sex. Have you been taking the time and giving the attention to not only reflecting and journaling, but sharing your answers, too? Hopefully you've been taking advantage of these thought-provokers and turning them into intimate sharing. Though it may be awkward at first, we guarantee that gradually getting used to communicating openly about all matters sexual will help you transform the intimacy of your connection and create the foundation to transmute subtle energy into awesome ecstasy.

PARTNER SEXERCISE: Sexual Communication

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© 2008 Gabrielle Moore, Somraj Pokras & Jeffrey TallTrees, Ph.D 24 Through opening up your sexual communication, this practice will increase your intimacy and give you useful information that you can use throughout this chapter and the rest of this e-course.

Discussion

Women tend to enjoy 30 to 60 minutes of lovemaking before intercourse, while men are often ready to go within a few minutes. However, it's important to remember that with Tantric Sextasy, intercourse is never the goal or the end point. Only you know how your body responds and what feels best.

This sexercise asks you to discuss, as specifically as possible, many of your experiences and considerations about sex. For example, you'll be asked about the types of stimulation you prefer and the amount of time you like for lovemaking. Go over the following questions separately and then share your answers with each other. Let the dialogue flow where it will until you hear, feel, and understand more about your lover's preferences.

In your preparations and statements, concentrate on "I Statements," which are descriptions of your own feelings and experiences. You'll benefit much more and avoid any possible tension if you don't focus on your perception of your lover's experience.

Questions

(1) What parts of sex are you comfortable talking frankly and openly about? What parts are uncomfortable to discuss?

(2) What would you like your partner to know about your sexuality? (3) What sexual activities do you particularly enjoy?

(4) What about sex do you avoid, worry about, and fear?

(5) How does your interest in sex vary and what seems to affect it?

(6) Do you prefer to give or receive? Why? Which would you like more of? (7) What's the most difficult thing for you to talk about regarding sex?

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of lovemaking (kissing, touching, massaging, talking, licking, sucking, etc.)?

(9) Are you aware of being trapped in any sexual patterns or ruts? How would you like to change them?

(10) Which are you favorite kinds of lovemaking? Which would you like more of?

(11) Men, what are your feelings about your erections and your sexual performance?

(12) Women, what concerns do you have about your genitals, lubrication, and orgasms?

(13) Describe some erotic dreams and waking sexual fantasies. Which would you like to experience in real life?

(14) How do you really feel about sexual union (intercourse)? How would you like it to be different?

(15) When haven't you been completely honest about what you really wanted? Give some specific examples. Have you ever faked an orgasm? (16) Describe your ultimate vision for your sex life (frequency, type,

variety, level of kinky-ness, whatever). (17) Do I give (or receive) most comfortably? 1. Sex comfortability.

Separately journal your answers to the first question. 2. Sexual sharing.

Decide who will share first and who will listen. First speaker, go over your answers to the first question. Talk about yourself and your own experience, not what your partner did or didn't do.

3. Listen to her sexual requests and desires.

As a listener, your job is to fully understand, appreciate, and repeat back the gist of what you hear. That doesn't mean you have to agree, just to hear and

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4. Switch.

Switch roles so that the new speaker reveals their answers to the first question and the new listener understands and acknowledges.

5. Now you’re talking.

Only when you've both been heard fully should you consider discussing your answers. A note of caution: remember to show that you hear your lover out first before talking about your own ideas, feelings, and reactions. Getting defensive, rebutting, and arguing won't help you understand your lover's sex life.

6. Next questions.

If you're ready for more, repeat the process for the rest of the questions right away. Or take a break and come back when the time is right.

7. Sexual reflection.

Before you're finished, take a little time to notice what you've answered or haven't answered. Reflect on why that is. If it seems appropriate, discuss what you've witnessed about your own sexual communications (not your partners).

Sexercise Afterthoughts

In total, Tantric Sextasy is more about experiencing and less about talking. But sometimes talking about specific sexual topics is really worth it. The thing we want most for you is to be confident with one another. There are some things that have to be talked about to get there and stay there.

By the way, this is only a starting place for communication, openness, and intimacy. As you become more practiced in the ways of Tantric Lovemaking, you may want three to six hours for a really special sexual encounter. Who knows how far you'll go? You may not do this exercise every time you make love, but include it when you have the time, the desire, and the need.

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The Single Biggest TURN OFF to Sex

If you want to deepen and supercharge your sex life, communication must begin at the beginning -- talking about your body, what it likes, and what turns you on when. That's where the following practice, How to Love Me, picks up -- at the beginning.

We’ve found out, through the years, with our clients and subscribers that the ability to talk about sex, in detail, is ultimately related to the quality of the couple's sex life and their mutual satisfaction. As professional marriage counselors and sex therapists for many years, we’ve learned that the single biggest reason women get TURNED OFF to sex (after religion) is their fear of telling their man the truth about their sexual responses, desires, and wants. Often this is rooted in their lack of awareness of what those desires are.

Women are different from each other and from one moment to the other. This is confusing to the average guy who wants to learn about what women want and can't seem to put his finger on it. You'll be better off if you just accept these observations as fact.

• No two women's sexual responses are identical.

• A woman's response varies from time to time and session to session. • Women like variety, different things at different times.

• Hormones change everything at different times of the month.

• Emotional beings like women have changeable and unpredictable moods. • Sensitive bodies, like female ones, may respond strongly to stress,

emotions, exercise, medication, health challenges, and menopause.

OK guys, you've been warned. Assume nothing. Remain open to the whims of the Goddess and you'll be fine. And women, take this as permission to be just who you are now.

Men's sexual preferences, too, differ from one another and from time to time. The biggest factor affecting most men's sexuality is age. Fitness, weight, drugs, alcohol, and smoking can also strongly influence your response. If you're over 40

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© 2008 Gabrielle Moore, Somraj Pokras & Jeffrey TallTrees, Ph.D 28 and are concerned about your virility and performance, we suggest you embark on a program of exercise that includes losing weight, stopping smoking, and reducing drinking. These, by the way, are the primary causes of male erection problems.

Men differ in the kind of strokes they like. We're talking about sensual touching of vajra, the in-and-out motion of intercourse, and the verbal emotional variety, too. When and where do you prefer each? How much do you like to talk about intimacy, your body, and lovemaking? What turns you on the most? What's the best time for you?

For those guys who don't rate communicating as a big turn-on, taking the time to answer these kinds of questions may be a challenge. But it's well worth it. Lovers, how in the world are you ever going to figure all this stuff out it you don't talk about it?

We'll bet that at least some of you have dropped a lover because you believed they didn't have a clue about what you wanted sexually, right?

Don’t Sabotage Your Own Chances of Sexual Ecstasy

The single biggest couple's sexual communication gap is when one or both partners aren't completely forthcoming and authentic with each other. In less formal words, this means when you're acting phony or not telling the whole story about your pleasure. This takes away from intimacy and destroys trust.

Do you...

• Feel that your darling is responsible for satisfying you in any way?

• Believe that your partner is supposed to ‘instinctively’ know how to satisfy you?

• Act passive when you're not getting what you want and then complain afterwards?

• Wait for that magical moment when something outside of yourself will sweep you away?

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© 2008 Gabrielle Moore, Somraj Pokras & Jeffrey TallTrees, Ph.D 29 Tantric Sextasy teaches that whether you're female or male, you're 100% totally responsible for your own turn-ons and your own orgasms. Practicing completely open, honest, and authentic communication pushes you to take more and more responsibility for your turn-on.

Who you are and how you feel IS you! An essential element of the Tantric Attitude is fully accepting yourself. Further, in Tantric Sextasy, you take full responsibility for what you feel, think, and do. This applies in all of life, but the bedroom is a fantastic classroom for being true to yourself.

We're well aware that many lovers are waiting for Mr. or Ms. Right to sweep them off their feet. Of course, bonding for life with your soul mate can be a potent booster to sexual desire. But we don't buy that the ecstasy comes from that perfect lover. Ecstasy comes from within first and then is amplified by your compelling feelings about your lover.

Fact: You Are 100% Responsible for Your Sexual Pleasures

A direct outgrowth of the Tantric view that we're all extensions of the One is that we're elements of God/Goddess. You, yes YOU, can create stellar intimacy, sexual pleasure, and love with anyone you accept as a divine reflection. Our point is not that you should make it with anyone indiscriminately.

We're urging you to look inside and recognize that when you choose to go for it, then magic happens. No other time.

This means you are 100% responsible for your sexual responsiveness AND your connection with the One. No excuses, no blaming, no copping out. Your power originates with your thoughts, beliefs, and values. Think about what you don't have or don't want and you'll likely end with what you're vibrating. Your work is to focus your mind on what you do want, believe you deserve it, and treasure it as valuable. Only then can you tap into the universal source and energize your desires with the life-changing power of emotional vibration. Only then will you receive what desire.

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© 2008 Gabrielle Moore, Somraj Pokras & Jeffrey TallTrees, Ph.D 30 Your truth is who you are. If you don't put it on the line, you will diminish your capacity for love and eroticism. Be who you are, the divine wondrous being that is you. Be proud of all of you. Truth is lifesaving and grounding. Truth is the doorway to enlightenment. You cannot live the fullness of life without feeling anxious. You cannot grow without being scared. Life begins where your comfort zone ends.

Take Responsibility for Your Own Turn-Ons!

A Tantric lover is an empowered lover. One who knows they deserve pleasure and does everything they can to get the most they can.

Tantric lovers know that they're each responsible for their own pleasure. They recognize that erotic experiences begin within. They study, search, and experiment to discover what their body likes. They've explored all pleasure triggers and know when and how they want their divine jewels stimulated. They know what they like, what they prefer in the moment, and what to pass on in each encounter.

Tantric lovers take charge and guide lovemaking to insure that they get what they want. They ask for what they want, voice their reactions, and give lots of feedback. We're not talking about being pushy, demanding, or never satisfied. They do it in a way that enhances intimacy and contributes to the sensual mood by being respectful and gentle.

Obviously, this kind of authentic interplay requires knowing, accepting, and loving yourself fully. Then you can be scrupulously honest, totally real, and refreshingly transparent with your innermost desires. When you love and respect yourself, it easy and natural to accept and love your lover.

When receiving, all lovers, especially non-assertive women, would greatly benefit by explaining what they desire, what they feel, and how they're reacting. Partners in general, and men in particular, do not appreciate being in the dark (figuratively) when they're trying to please their partner.

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© 2008 Gabrielle Moore, Somraj Pokras & Jeffrey TallTrees, Ph.D 31 Lovers need and want to feel confident that they're successfully turning their Goddess or God on. This is true of a highly sexual woman also. She wants to know that her movements and actions are creating results, i.e. a hard one.

Going deeper with communication throughout your lovemaking is a tremendous help in creating intimacy as well. The following practice is designed to get the ball rolling (pun intended).

PARTNER SEXERCISE: How to Love Me

Discussion

This practice tells your lover in advance what you want, where you want it, and how you want it. At last you can reveal your innermost sensual, sexual, and erotic desires and how you can get them from your lover. We recommend you set plenty of time aside for this, a minimum of 30 minutes each. It may take longer. Neither of you want to be rushed.

Purpose

The purpose of this practice is to let your lover know, in explicit detail, how you like to be approached, spoken to, touched, excited, and in what order.

Preparations

Before you begin, read and consider the following questions. Journal the answers if you prefer or just look deeper into your responses so you can be more real during the exercise.

(18) What kind of understanding and rapport gets you in the mood to be turned on?

(19) What setting and environment most encourages you to get turned on?

(20) How do you like your senses stimulated beforehand?

(21) What do you like your lover to say or do before touching you? (22) How do you like to undress or be undressed?

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(24) What parts of your body get turned on by what kind of stimulation? Be as specific as you can be.

(25) What sensitive parts do you like stimulated before your jewels? (26) How do your jewels like to be approached?

(27) What strokes do your jewels like first? What strokes do your jewels like later?

(28) What sexual positions do you like and dislike? (29) How do you like to be penetrated?

(30) What do you most like after penetration?

(31) How does your Sacred Gate (G-Spot) like to be loved?

(32) What other guidance will help you reach maximum pleasure? 1. Sexual setting.

Create a clean, warm, private, sensual space for this practice. Light candles and turn-on sensual music and relax.

2. Undress.

Decide who will go first and if you both want to be nude. You can begin by undressing each other or strip for each other seductively if that's fun for both of you. This makes your connection playful and serious at the same time.

3. Describe & demonstrate.

Describe and demonstrate the ways you like to be approached initially: verbally or non-verbally, ritually or playfully, softly or roughly, or all the above. You can use the list of questions as a guideline if you like. Be specific on things like what kind of touching you like where.

Don't just explain; touch yourself in each place as you talk about it. Show your lover what you like. Stroke your body the way you want your lover to.

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© 2008 Gabrielle Moore, Somraj Pokras & Jeffrey TallTrees, Ph.D 33 Demonstrate on yourself what turns you on most. If it helps, you can demonstrate your preferred approach, touch, and stroke on your partner's body. Then have her them do it to you. Yippee!

We recognize this can be quite a stretch. Be open about your feelings. If you feel resistances or hesitancies, express those. If the first go-around is too filled with tension, then just talk about it first. Later you can follow the guidelines for full demonstration of your desires.

4. Before the Jewels…

Explain how much warm-up your body usually needs before you enjoy intense focus on your sexual jewels. What do you prefer to happen and how extensively before your jewels are approached? Do you want your butt played with, your feet or back rubbed, or your head scratched first? Don't hold anything back. The clearer you are, the more likely you are to get exactly what you want. Chances are, your lover will love pleasing you in any way you demonstrate. If you're not sure in the moment, experiment.

By the way, these directions are designed to be an initial rough guide. For example, while awakening the rest of the body, we like to lightly brush and briefly connect our hands with our lover's jewels. It's just a hint of things to come, not an intense hand job.

5. Jewel sensual play.

Show your lover your yoni or vajra. Don't be shy. Spread your legs and be proud. Expose all your parts, naming them and sharing your feelings about them. Do you have a pet name for yours? Demonstrate and describe how yoni or vajra likes to be approached with eyes, fingers, breath, lips, words, etc.

Men, show your lover how to awaken vajra, his shaft and head, your devamani (testicles), rosetta (anus) and perineum (the area between vajra and rosetta). Women, show your lover how to touch your outer lips, inner lips, yoni opening,

clio (clitoris), urethral meatus (pee hole), and yoni's insides. If you know where

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If these are areas that are unknown to you, then you need to do some self-exploration and Tantric self-pleasuring so you will better be able to tell your partner what you want.

6. Ask… don't assume.

If you're in a long-term relationship, please don't assume your sweetie knows everything about your body (or anything else, for that matter). We bet there are things you don't know yet about yourself. The observer in this practice will surely learn something new and maybe you will, too. Both of you should feel free to ask questions if something important is glossed over, surprising, or left out. Ask for more detail or clarification any time you're confused.

While one of you is fully exposed, the other should concentrate on really take everything in. You both want the new information to stick. If you find yourself feeling distracted, it's probably a resistance that needs to be looked at. Reveal it and talk about it until you're ready to go on.

7. Switch roles.

Exchange roles so you both get a chance to reveal your innermost sexual desires and preferences. By the time the second partner has completed this practice, it's quite likely you'll both be very turned on. Play, go for it, do what comes naturally. We never want you to miss an opportunity for a hot time together. You can continue reading and learning later.

8. Sexual exploration discussion.

Talk about your experiences of showing and watching. What was interesting, what was surprising? What would you like to do more of?

Sexercise Afterthoughts

When you're alive and growing with the Tantric Attitude, sexual pleasure is always a moving target. So you can repeat this exercise many times as you develop and evolve. In fact, to go into more depth, you can confine it to distinct

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© 2008 Gabrielle Moore, Somraj Pokras & Jeffrey TallTrees, Ph.D 35 parts of your body each time. What your back loves, what clio prefers at different times, how to treat vajra after an orgasm, how to do your feet, etc.?

How to Tap Your ‘Inner Gender’

Treat Yourselves as God and Goddess

In the Tantric tradition, we perceive each man and each woman, as the embodiment of the God and the Goddess, Shiva and Shakti. Shiva is one of the trinity of primary gods in the Hindu pantheon. Shakti is his consort, his mate, his mirror. She is called by many names in various versions of old texts, but for our purposes Shakti is the Goddess.

Shiva is the masculine, sky energy, pure consciousness. Shiva is the creator and the destroyer. Shiva is the master planner. He is the dreamer.

Shakti is the feminine, earth energy, pure powerful life force. She is the fuel for the manifestation of dreams. Without her, Shiva's creativity lies dormant, unfulfilled. Shakti is the grounding and mobilizing force.

Together, Shiva and Shakti are the creators of the universe of experience.

Today, Tantrikas revere Shiva as the pure embodiment of the masculine force culminating in cosmic consciousness, and Shakti as the feminine principle embodying pure creative energy. This isn't worship of supreme beings as in most organized religions. Rather, it's Tantric Sextasy's way of honoring the forces of nature that exist within each of us. We simply use Shiva and Shakti as convenient symbols to focus the growth of our own divine qualities.

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What's The Gender of Your Inner Being?

We talk a lot about consciousness, ecstatic states, and experiencing the ultimate pleasures of the body. In ancient Tantra, enlightenment (the ultimate consciousness) is achieved when Shiva (the masculine) and Shakti (the feminine) merge within the individual as one.

Let us back up just a bit. If you are a guy, you are Shiva on the outside. However, you have an inner Shakti, an inner woman. An essential piece of the Tantric path is opening to all that you are including your inner being of the opposite gender. Similarly, if you are a woman, you have an inner male. It is only when these two can meet as equals that you can enter the highest state of consciousness some call enlightenment.

The path of Spiritual Sex in Tantric Sextasy is full union, becoming one, of your inner male and female essences. Moving deeper into Tantric Sextasy gives you opportunity to experience your own godly nature in conjunction with your partner. Then there is perfect harmony, perfect love. Yes, you deserve to be honored, just because you are you, a reflection of these higher powers.

We have come to believe that enlightenment is a state of being where you can feel and see and be whatever is reflective of the moment, but you are also always the watcher, the witness that knows all is an illusion of your making. So, enjoy the beauty, enjoy the irony, enjoy the ups and downs, and seek the pleasure and joy in every moment.

In short, Tantrikas honor both our inner male and female regardless of our biological sex because it's their union that brings total peace, bliss, and joy.

Tantric Sex and Carl Jung

Do you know about Carl Jung's work? Carl Jung, Ph.D., a student of Sigmund Freud M.D. and the father of transpersonal psychology, proposed a similar structure. Jung also believed that each of us has an inner self representing the opposite sex.

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© 2008 Gabrielle Moore, Somraj Pokras & Jeffrey TallTrees, Ph.D 37 He called these inner selves, the Animus and the Anima. Jung's name for the inner female was the Anima and for the inner male, the Animus. So, according to him as well, women have an animus (the masculine) and men have an anima (the feminine).

As a vital part of mental health, fulfilling lives, and healthy relationships, Jung emphasized the need for these two parts, the outer and the inner, to be in balance and in awareness. If yours are out of balance, you spend your life seeking another to make you whole. Instead, you need to fully know your inner self, your animus or anima, to become fully mature and integrated.

In other words, male and female need to find a balance within. Maybe Jung was a closet Tantric master?!?

When Yin & Yang Unite

The Eastern symbol of yin and yang is very well known in the Western world. It is a beautiful representation of the Tantric model of the interrelation of the masculine and the feminine, Shiva and Shakti.

The yin-yang symbol shows that within each of us is a part

that is the opposite gender. Do you see the small circle of white within the black feminine and the small circle of black within the white masculine? The primary difference in Tantric Sextasy is that we believe the inner part of us needs to grow larger than indicated by the yin-yang symbol.

Western society artificially separates our masculine and feminine qualities by discouraging the development of both within each of us. You know that men are taught to hide their soft, feminine, pliant side and women are traditionally encouraged to hide their assertiveness, leadership, and exercise of power.

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© 2008 Gabrielle Moore, Somraj Pokras & Jeffrey TallTrees, Ph.D 38 Maybe you've seen some shifting away from this strict division. But the reality is still that the dot inside each half of the yin-yang symbol is smaller than the half of one sex. Balance is the key.

Cultivate Your Inner Gender

Truly men and women have both sets of qualities and need to exercise them all for a fulfilling life. From a Tantric perspective, it is important to have a well-developed inner gender to be a balanced person, an integrated Tantrika, one who is on the path.

Tantric Sextasy encourages each gender to cultivate the latent energies of the other. If men seek their intrinsic truths on the Tantric path, they'll invariably discover their supple, receptive, sensitive, and vulnerable side, without losing their masculinity.

Women will discover their strong leadership, dynamic initiative, and teaching powers while retaining their femininity. These new qualities add to the strengths consistent with our outer gender which you've already learned to exercise.

So what do you think, do real men eat quiche? Do real women eat bullets? We guess the Tantric answer is to eat whatever floats your cork in the moment.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: Inner Genders

Write in your journal, speak to your partner and muse about the following.

• Am I in touch with my inner self of the opposite gender? If you're a guy, this is your inner female. If you're a woman, this is your inner male.

• Does my inner self of the opposite gender feel as well developed and strong as my external gender? Can I switch back and forth easily?

• What is my reaction to even thinking about this? Do I feel fear? Disgust? Disbelief? Intrigue? Others?

• What can I do to develop my inner opposite gender?

Blend Male and Female Sexual Energies for the Most Erotic Orgasms

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Spiritual Sex is True Alchemy

Regardless of whether you hear yin and yang, Shiva and Shakti, or Animus and Anima, an essential part of Tantric Sextasy is to practice the alchemy of blending male and female energies during sexual union.

Tantra teaches you to revere your sexual partner and to transform the act of sex into a sacrament of love. Tantric Sextasy teaches that lovemaking between a man and woman, when entered into with awareness, is a gateway to both sexual and spiritual ecstasy. It's the beginning which can culminate in enlightenment or spiritual liberation.

Why do we bother telling you all this? Because in order to reach the sublime heights of Tantric ecstasy you need more than technique. The merger of Spiritual Sex requires honoring the energies of both sexes equally and more. It requires Shiva becoming Shakti at times and the reverse.

Both lovers need to dance freely back and forth between the yin and yang roles of Shiva and Shakti.

We can't argue with the common belief that great sex is in part the result of a skillful lover's yang mastery of their own and their partner's body. But there's more to it than just a virile Shiva dominating lovemaking.

Reaching the lofty heights of supreme bliss requires that the receiver completely surrenders to the powerful energies of sexual play. We normally associate this kind of yin receptivity with Shakti. But this form of surrender is necessary whether the receiver is male or female.

Achieving the ecstasy of G-Spot Orgasm through Sacred Gate massage is a prime example for both men and women. Yes, men have a G-Spot, too! Right, for Shiva to get blown away into the O-Zone, they need to adopt Shakti's yin receiving role to some degree.