Quitessence Of RSDNATION Ebook Series
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FUNDAMENTALS
By Ryan®
© 2002-2012 Real Social Dynamics Inc. All Rights
Reserved.
About The Author
Ryan® randomly met RSD Executive Coach Jeffy at a London night club several years ago and asked him for advice about how to attract a particular girl. That small bit of advice Jeffy gave him lead to Ryan®'s success with the girl and many other beautiful women as well. One year after this encounter, Ryan® was browsing prospective roommates and apartments online in the San Francisco area. By sheer coincidence, RSD Coach Jeffy was one of the advertisements that Ryan® followed up with and later toured.
Jeffy became impressed with Ryan® and invited him to be his roommate. Over the next couple of years, Ryan® was taught the intricacies of attraction and dating while going out night after night with Jeffy as his personal wingman.
After graduating from a university, Ryan® worked for an internet start-up company in the Bay Area. However, he found that his true passion was self-discovery, travel, and dating beautiful women while spending time alongside Jeffy at every corner of the globe. He impressed the rest of the RSD Instructor Staff so much that Tyler invited him to embark on an intensive world-wide Executive Coach training program.
Today he still travels the world, but as an official RSD Executive Coach throughout North America, Europe, and Australia. He has a contagious passion for the dynamics of attraction and infectious charisma that allows clients to achieve the results they want and beyond with the women they desire.
Table Of Contents
About The Author
Foreword
I'd Rather Be Weird Than Lonely
Chapter 1
Inner Game Fundamentals
1.1
Positivity and the Abundance Frame
1.2
Experience Over Arm-Chair Theorizing
Chapter 2
Outer Game Fundamentals
The Looks Issue 2.1
Expressivity: The Most Effective Way to Make
Yourself More Physically Attractive
Quick Fix 2.2
Beginner Sticking Points - Where Most Rookies Get
Stuck
The How To 2.3
An Outline Of The Method - Forward Motion
Direction and Derailment
Go Home
Mid Game 2.5
Stepping Up: Go Big or Go Home
Mid Game 2.6
On Polarity: Bringing Down the Hammer
Mid Game 2.7
The Art of the Spin: The Centerpiece of My Verbal
Game
Mid Game 2.8
Cut the Chodeversation: Anatomy of a Spike
Mid Game 2.9
Using Pauses to Amp the Vibe - Silence is Golden
Mid Game 2.10
Sexual Tension – What It Is and When To Use It
Mid Game 2.11
Progressive Physical Escalation
Mid Game 2.12
Overdriven Escalation Stacking
Mid Game 2.13
Qualification – Where it Stands in a Game 2.0
Universe
End Game 2.14
10 Easy Steps for Text Message Success
End Game 2.15
Pull Down – Pulling to Close10 Easy Steps for Text
Message Success
Chapter 3
Self-Actualization Fundamentals
3.1
Treating Yourself Like You Value Yourself
Foreword: I’ d Rather Be Weird Than Lonely
In RSD we have a rite of passage for all instructors – a sort of initiatory right – The
Eurotour. During this ordeal, the instructor is shipped out to Europe for a period of several months, during which time he lives and teaches in a different city every week. The
Eurotour is both incredibly difficult as well as incredibly demanding, both professionally and personally.
On a personal level, it forces the instructor to live in a state of perpetual change and continual culture shock. In addition, the instructor is deprived of anything but micro-term social bonds as every time he meets someone he is soon after shipped to a new city. As a result, the instructor’ s game is propelled to new levels as the instructor is literally forced to develop an extreme level of internal centeredness.
Having returned to the U.S. after completing my own Eurotour I myself was predictably excited about prospect of settling down and building something that would resemble a normal life – one with friends, perhaps a girlfriend, and an ecosystem. It didn’ t take long however for me to realize I’ d face a new obstacle that I’ d never had to deal with before – Approach Anxiety.
While on the Eurotour I had the comfort of anonymity to assuage any nervousness I had when approaching – as a result I’ d merrily perform even the most seemingly bold and daring social feats. I could easily rationalize away any anxiety – “ well even if I make a complete idiot of myself, I’ m moving on to a new country on Monday anyway – what have I got to lose… ”
Now that I’ m back and making a home for myself, having lost the consequence free environment of the Eurotour has indeed added a slight twinge at the thought of opening – a little voice that says “ careful Ryan, play it safe, you’ re gonna be seeing a lot of these people again so don’ t make a fool of yourself” . AS IF everyone in the bar or store is aware
there and it’ s something a lot of us face. What I think is most interesting is the fact that I never used to feel this – sure I’ d feel maybe a pinch of anxiety when approaching a hottie, but never enough to deter me. So then, why is it that before the Eurotour I was able to open without so much as batting an eyelash, and in Europe I had no qualms with being an opening machine – yet upon arriving home I found myself faced with almost paralyzing anxiety?
The answer is, in Europe I never had to face the anxiety – I was essentially able to
rationalize it away under the umbrella of anonymity. Back in the US, not only did I not have perceived anonymity to hide behind, but I essentially hadn’ t faced anxiety for a period of months. As a result, I’ d atrophied my ability to challenge my comfort zone and allowed myself to get used to simply doing and not doing what I ‘ felt like’ .
As a result, my entire thought process changed on an everyday level. Whereas before Europe on seeing a girl my brain would simply say “ Girl… hot girl… Go” , after Europe the process became “ Girl… oh she’ s not even that hot… plus she’ s on the phone… ah that guy near her must be her boyfriend… I shoulda gelled my hair today… ” basically
rationalizing all the reasons why not to approach.
I knew all the reasons why approach anxiety is ridiculous and irrational, and how our comfort zone can be likened to physical flexibility in that it expands when actively
stretched. Still though, when faced with the prospect of opening the cute girl shopping for organic produce at Whole Foods I’ d immediately become aware of everyone else around me, the other shoppers, the guy restacking the apples, the girl doing inventory of celery, and the thoughts would follow – “ what if they think I’ m weird… what if they tell me not to shop here any more” . It seemed no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise, all the reasoning in the world couldn’ t snap me out of the stagnation - until one night while climbing in bed alone I had an epiphany.
I’ d Rather Be Weird than Lonely.
And it hit me. I could continue down the path I was on… no attention would be drawn to me… no one would stop to watch as I opened strangers, no store employees would see
me meeting girls… I could completely blend in if I wanted to. But I knew, if I didn’ t want to stand out when it came to opening, I’ d never stand out when it came to closing either.
So I asked myself – would I rather be weird or lonely? Would I rather be “ That Guy” at the grocery store that chatted up the hottie and have a hot girl in my bed, or be the invisible guy at the grocery store and sleep alone?
The answer was clear. I told myself ‘ people are gonna look at me… GOOD’ . I’ ll be judged as “ that guy… well fuck it… I AM THAT GUY” . I’ m also ‘ THAT GUY’ that left the party to hook up with multiple-girls, ‘ THAT GUY’ left the club with the stripper, ‘ THAT GUY’ that got caught after he pulled to the bathroom…
So bring it on… if people think I’ m weird than so-be-it, that’ s something I’ m willing to accept. Just don’ t come to me and say “ mannn, I wish I could get girls like that” when in reality you never gave yourself a chance – never took the first step.
Let go of what other people might think about you, recognize that to accel in this game you will become polarizing. Embrace it, roll with it, and decide what’ s important to you.
Chapter 1
Positivity and the Abundance Frame
The other day when walking down the street I came upon an interesting situation… I arrived at a crossing and joined a crowd of around 15 people waiting for the green light indicating it’ s appropriate to walk. I stepped to the curb and looked left – no cars… looked right – no cars… and strolled across the street. The crowd hesitated for a moment then followed my lead, about 10 people crossed and 5 waited another minute for the light to change.
Of the 10 that crossed, I had an interesting realization… all were thinking the same thing but none wanted to be the first to cross, to take the responsibility of first action. So instead all 10 stood there, paralyzed by inaction, following the lead of others. I again was reminded how much we all live to avoid individual responsibility and how much we seek the comfort found in following the lead of others.
This principal forms the basis for the idea of social proof – essentially if a girl sees other girls attracted to you she assumes it’ s for good reason and quickly finds herself attracted to you… naturally following the lead of others.
Beyond social proof:
We are constantly pinging, looking for subtle cues to indicate how others in the past have behaved. So for instance, if you were to say hi to a girl then cringe and protect your head, the girl might naturally assume that in the past saying ‘ hi’ to a girl got you slapped. And on the flip side, if you say ‘ hi’ with a big smile on your face, the girl will likely assume that the last time you said ‘ hi’ to a girl good emotions were served your way.
So to the girl in that situation unsure how to react, she essentially looks for cues from you to indicate how others in the past have reacted, clues to the kind of life you lead – giving her a lead to follow. This is why we stress the abundance mentality – essentially girls follow
determining the results you get back. This happens on a 1-to-1 basis as shown in the ‘ hi’ example – you say ‘ hi’ and smile – girl assumes others have reacted positively in the past and thus reacts positively.
When we talk about the abundance frame however – we’ re going beyond a 1-to-1 correlation by indicating our life experience beyond 1-to-1 interactions.
It’ s no coincidence that there’ s a strong correlation between guys who are positive and guys who get laid. Put simply, your attitude is a girl’ s first insight into your reality – it lets the girl know what kind of life you’ ve led and whether you come from a position of abundance or a position of scarcity. Every situation is viewed through a lens of our own choosing… those that come from a place of positive reference experiences generally adopt positive frames… those with negative experiences do the opposite.
Consider this example – you arrive at a club to find the entry line stretching down the block. In front of you in line are 2 cute girls. You turn to your mate and say:
“ Great, I told you we should have left earlier… look at this line, we’ re never gonna get in… ” What you’ ve communicated here is: “ I’ ve been turned away from clubs many times… things in the past have a way of NOT working out for me which is why I worry about things like getting to the club early.” Beyond that, you’ re indicating your value in relation to your friend’ s value – “ I told you we should have… ” means you’ re operating on your friend’ s time-table rather than your own.
As a result, girls think: Chode.
Now let’ s take the flip-side… You arrive to find the long line… “ Alright awesome! Looks like it’ s gonna be a crazy party inside.”
And in an instant you’ ve communicated that life has been good to you… that things work out for you. That you’ ve never experienced being turned away from a club and that you come from a life of abundance. Your reality is attractive and all the sudden it becomes a reality the girl wants to be a part of.
The fact is, both realities are accurate – waiting in a long line does suck, and a long line IS usually indicative of a good party. Which reality you choose to acknowledge – or which lens you peer through is fully under your own control.
So when a drink gets spilled on you at the club, you can either say “ god damn it… this is gonna stain, it’ s an expensive shirt, what an asshole” . OR, you can say “ Haha nice… It’ s crazy hot in here, a cold drink down my back is exactly what I needed… ”
In either case your shirt is still wet… so the choice is yours, you can either be the guy in a stained shirt standing alone, or the guy in a stained shirt with a girl.
In the end just remember, your lens – your ability to positively reframe – is the biggest insight you give people into your previous life experience. And since everyone is looking to follow the lead of others… let them know that your life experience has been a good one.
Experience Over Arm-Chair Theorizing
Taken from RSDNation's Forums:
“ What's the best way to deal with _______”
“ Should one_______ and just_______, and how does one set this up?” “ It would seem that _______”
And my personal favorite: “ Is it the kiss of death when a girl _______”
These phrases are necessitated by action; they are evidence that the guy is actually out, piecing the puzzle together, developing reference points and experience. And when they do post online they get either affirmations or contrary opinions, further shaping their understanding. On the flip side, you’ ve got the “ what does it mean when she… ” and the “ My friend told me that… ”
Straight up – plain and simple, this is a defeatist mindset. And even worse, you notice a pattern forming, a question like this is usually followed by another… and another… and then we get into advanced keyboard jockeying… As if this guy is gonna get ALL his questions checked off then be like “ ok, yep, time to go out and pimp” *rolls eyes*.
Guys, unfortunately there’ s a necessary truth anyone hoping to get this skill set needs to accept – No One Can Win This Game For You.
There is no substitute for experience.
So then, a change in mindset is necessary – and here it is: Next time you find yourself slipping into abstract fantasy land, like maybe “ It would seem like if you approach too direct the girl will then have no reason to get to know you” – stop yourself. Really, shut the fuck up, and follow this rule: The next words that come out of your mouth must be “ In my experience… ” .
If you’ re able to string together a coherent thought with a modicum of intelligence behind it – great, you’ re on the right track.
If not, stop what you’ re doing immediately, approach a girl, and get confirmation on your “ it would seem that” so that it then becomes an “ in my experience” .
By this point, half of you are nodding like “ yeah, that’ s right” and some of you are inevitably
thinking “ But isn’ t it efficient to learn from the mistakes of others and to get feedback from those more experienced than you?” The answer is – Yes, BUT, wisdom without reference experience is WORTHLESS.
So if we’ re talking about escalation and you’ re the guy saying “ well I’ ve heard that” … bad news: you don’ t even qualify to begin learning escalation until you’ ve first gone out, tried it, fucked it up, tried some more, then fucked it up some more. Only then will you even begin to benefit from all the “ Club Game and Sexual Escalation” posts you so dedicatedly
submerge yourself in.
And guess what – when you do post “ Funny thing happened last night that I’ d love to get feedback on” – the quality of feedback you get is actually much higher because those who know what they’ re talking about actually recognize that you’ re a man of action. Thing is, pretty quickly you’ ll realize that it’ s actually more efficient to just go out and fill in the blanks on your own.
Take individual responsibility and get out there and actually DO. And if once you’ ve
actually gone out and DONE, if you still disagree, then you can comment… just make sure it starts with “ in my experience” .
Chapter 2
Expressivity: The Most Effective Way to Make Yourself
More Physically Attractive
Let’ s talk about the single easiest and most effective way to make yourself more physically attractive – instantly! In fact, if there’ s one thing I could instantly change in my students to get them creating more physical attraction from “ hello” – this would be it…
I’ m talking, of course, about EXPRESSIVITY – both facial and body.
Seriously, if used properly, expressivity can take you from a solid 5 to a 7 on the looks scale – or 6 to 8 – or 6.5 to … well you get the point.
Ok, on average, how long would you say you look at a photograph? 2 seconds? 3 seconds ?
And on the flip side, how long on average do you stare at your television?
Simply put – adding MOVEMENT to your interaction is how you go about creating a VISUAL EXPERIENCE for the girl. It keeps her wanting to look at you… it makes you LOOK CHARISMATIC!
Up until this past weekend I’ ve had the hardest of times getting students to introduce this oh so simple change into their interactions… it was like ramming my head into a wall – I’ d tried everything, even going as far as standing behind the student literally controlling his arms to make accompanying gestures complimentary to whatever he’ s saying. Still, no dice…
Until this past weekend, when I remembered a trip I’ d taken to Israel, enter epiphany. *Begin Tangent* Being somewhat ‘ Arab-looking’ , one can imagine the predictable
skepticism I was faced with when que-ing at the velvet rope of crowded Tel Aviv nightclubs. Club after club greeted me with the same single word (in Hebrew) : Weapon. Usually something to the effect of:
Bouncer: Weapon? Me: Huh?
Bouncer: Where’ s your knife? Where’ s your gun?? Me: Uhhhh, I don’ t have one.
Bouncer: You’ re American? Me: Yeah
Bouncer: Ohhhhhh, ok yes, please, come right in! *End Tangent*
This experience proved useful this past weekend when my student absolutely refused to take his arms from his side while in set. It reminded me of that Seinfeld episode with
Raquel Welch. The guy understood the concept of physical expressivity on a practical level – but just had the toughest time adjusting his behavior in set. Then it occurred to me (we’ ll call him Tom)…
Me: Ok Tom, here’ s the deal. Every girl you approach, you need to imagine that she’ s airport security, and you’ ve gotta show her that you’ ve got no knife on you.
I proceed in mock disarming gestures…
“ See, no knife in this hand… no knife in the other hand… nothing up my sleeves either… look, check my back pockets – no knife… from now on when talking to a girl you must at all times be asking yourself ‘ what am I doing to show her that I haven’ t got a knife?’ ”
Something clicked in Tom, he got it. And while his next couple interactions looked almost shifty, if not comical, the girls were responding. A few minutes later, with the Lonely Island hit “ I’ m On A Boat” blazing over the sound system, Tom stood lip-locked with a cutie in purple… (still alternating palms out, weaponless ;-)
Bottom line is, I know not a single person that’ s good with girls that is not both very
animated facially, as well as physically. While facial animation can take a little bit longer to dial – the physical is an instant-fix, and I promise will yield immediate tangible results. Just remember – where’ s your knife? Not in your left hand… not in your right…
Beginner Sticking Points - Where Most Rookies Get
Stuck
Doing bootcamp week-in and week-out, it doesn’ t take long to notice some clear patterns in guys who are new to the game – simple mistakes guys make that can be fixed in a snap. Below are a few of the most common sticking points I see in beginners that can be easily addressed and once in order will definitely lead to noticeably better results.
1. Approach Scanning
This takes place before the approach even happens… the guy scans the room looking for a girl to talk to, sees a girl he’ s attracted to, then comes up with all the reasons why not to approach. “ She’ s with a guy… she’ s too tall… she’ s in a bad mood” . Well, you miss 100% of the shots you don’ t take, so instead of seeking out all the reasons why not to approach, let your thought process be this: “ Girl… Hot Girl… Get Hot Girl.”
2. The Decaying Orbit
Here we’ ve got a guy who’ s decided to approach, but instead of making a straight line to his target and opening dominantly, he instead sort of circles around – gradually edging in and finally trying to initiate with a timid tap. YUK. When I see a girl I want, I am A MAN ON A MISSION. Nothing will come between me and her, and she knows it. Move dominantly and with purpose… let her see you’ re a man who goes after what he wants… a man who grabs the proverbial bull by the horns.
3. The Far Talker
Any guesses as to what distance you want to be when talking to girls (in a club)? The answer is about 1 head length… this is a LOT closer than you think. Get comfortable being close.
4. Going Interview Mode
Game is expression of self. If the spotlight is on her then by default it means
So it’ s not “ What do you like to do?” instead go first and let her follow… “ I’ m really into snowboarding” will usually be followed by her reciprocating by telling you what she’ s into. Share your opinion… don’ t be some impartial reporter, let her know what you think “ that’ s really weird… that reminds me of the time I… ” .
5. Growing Roots
Guys, it’ s not “ let’ s stand here and talk for 2 hours then go back to mine.” It just doesn’ t work like that… it’ s more like “ Let’ s go to the bar… now let’ s go dance… now let’ s go chill… now let’ s go back to the bar… now let’ s go outside… now let’ s go chill… now let’ s grab something to eat… now let’ s go back to mine.” Get her into the habit of following you on the little things first, before you go for the big ones. This also leads into our next point.
6. Fighting Against the Current
Look, if you’ re talking to a girl and you see her standing there with an empty drink I got news for you – she’ s gonna go to the bar at some point. You can only hold her in one place for so long before she gets thirsty. Likewise if a girl tells you she loves to dance… you’ re only going to be able to keep her on the sofa for so long before she leaves to go dance. If you see a girl glancing around to see where her friends are… she’ s going to want to find her friends no matter how charming you are. Instead of working against the current and trying to hold her, let her momentum work with you. Meaning, when I see a girl’ s drink is empty I say “ I’ m thirsty, come with me to the bar” . When you see a girl looking around to see where her friends are, pre-empt her walking off to find them – “ Hey, we haven’ t seen your friends in a while… let’ s go see where they went.” Really, what’ s she gonna
say… ” No” ?? “ Fuck you” ???
7. Spinning the Wheels
Ok so you’ re at the club, girl is in a party mood and she REALLY likes you. Well, I don’ t care how interesting you are, you can only have a friendly conversation for so long before it gets BORING. Or, even worse, before she thinks you’ re a prude that’ s scared to escalate. This is SOOOO common, guy likes girl, girl likes guy… guy and girl talk for an hour… guy does nothing to escalate either physically or verbally, guy and girl go their separate ways. Girl concludes guy doesn’ t like her, feels insecure, develops eating disorder.
8. Filler Speak
This is where the guy is scared to reveal himself and his own thoughts and feelings, so instead he seeks to fill the conversation using external stimulus, “ yeah the lighting in this bar is really cool… oh the DJ is pretty good tonight… yeah I’ m drinking a vodka tonic.” Quit hiding – say what’ s really on your mind.
9. Not Communicating Interest
I’ ll make this simple. A girl won’ t like you until you like her. A girl doesn’ t know you like her until you TELL HER you like her. This can take place verbally or non-verbally – but if you have a problem with this make a resolution right now that the next 100 girls you talk to will get told either “ you’ re hot” , “ you’ re sexy” , or “ I like you” . PERIOD. NO EXCEPTIONS.
10. No Physicality
Simply put, get VERY comfortable being physical. How? Just be VERY TOUCHY. Practice makes perfect… it’ s not rocket science.
11. Assuming It’ s Not On
ARGH, I can’ t tell you how many times I’ ve seen a guy walk away from a girl that likes him only to say “ really? You think she was into me?” after I point out the obvious. Guys – if she’ s talking to you she’ s interested. It’ s that simple. To be clear – She is into you unless she makes it blatantly clear otherwise.
12. Ignoring the Friends
Take a moment to introduce yourself and chat to her friends, this will make your job much easier down the line.
13. Not Trying for the Close
Assume you’ re closing, get verification one way or the other. No exceptions. And lastly…
14. Giving a Fuck What Other People Think
Repeat after me… ” I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK WHAT ANYONE THINKS ABOUT ME” . Good… now say it like you mean it.
An Outline Of The Method
Forward Motion: Direction and Derailment
While running bootcamp this past weekend I had some thoughts about forward motion - actually moving a pick-up to the close rather than simply spinning your wheels or staying in set just for the sake of staying in set. So here goes…
When I step to a girl, I’ ve got a clear idea where I want it to go and what needs to happen for me to get there. It’ s not a complex process, but the fact that I’ ve got it clearly outlined in my head keeps me on track and moving forward. Often I see guys stagnating or even moving backwards – simply aiming to keep themselves in front of the girl for as long as possible rather than working to progress in a given direction.
So then, when I’ m out I’ ve got a VERY simple recipe that I know if I mix all the ingredients will get me a tasty result… The ingredients are as follows (not necessarily in this order). 1. Meet and begin interaction with girl. (Opening)
2. Show I’ m different from other guys – break the mold. (Through frame and subcommunications)
3. Establish flirt frame. (Through teasing, spiking, and IOIing) 4. Attract her. (Fluffing, vibing, sub-communicating and attracting) 5. Escalate physically and verbally.
6. Let her feel she’ s gotten to know me (Sometimes necessary, sometimes not) 7. Close
See most guys do something like this; they go meet the girl (1), start getting her to like them (4), keep getting her to like them (4), maybe escalate a bit (5), then go back to (4) and stay there until it’ s “ it was nice meeting you” . The guy usually then switches over to (8 - turning to the internet for more attraction material) and (9 - complaining about how he can’ t close) – ignoring the glaring question of “ WHAT DID I DO TO PROGRESS TO THE CLOSE?”
off right can take care of (1) (2) (3) (4) and a little bit of (5) all at once. Assuming my delivery here is perfect, it would actually be COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE to spend the next 10 mins in (3).
Just like if you’ ve already made out with a girl you wouldn’ t go backwards and re-open the girl… If the girl already likes you and you’ re escalating it’ d be equally counter-productive to go back to “ attract her” (4).
When I’ m out talking to a girl, my focus is not to flirt, not to attract, not to open… I’ m there to close. As such, I view all the other pieces as steps on the way to the close… I’ m not thinking “ what can I say to keep her talking to me” or “ I wonder if she likes me” … I’ m thinking “ I want to close.” . From there I do 1 of 2 things… I either escalate and try to close (5) and (7) – OR if experience and intuition tells me I can’ t I look back and say “ What’ s missing? What piece to I need to cover to get the close” .
So then an interaction for me looks like (1) (2 – a little bit) (3) (5) (7 – doesn’ t work) (4) (7 – still not yet) (6) (7 – nope) (4) (7 – almost now) (2 – all the way now) (5) (7) Success. The whole time I’ m working for the close, actively trying for the close – and when the close doesn’ t happen I look back, consider which of the previous ingredients is lacking, add more of it, and try for (7) again. Trying for the close is a gauge for me, it lets me know if I’ m there now – if not it lets me know where I am, and it further tells me what’ s missing.
Quick Tangent on Closing: Most guys aren’ t even going for the close… they think if they bounce around in (4) enough the close will magically happen – and even if they do go for the close they do so as a do-or-die move, they bounce around in (4) for an hour, try for (7), if it works great and if not they view it as a fail and give up trying.
If you’ re always succeeding at the close on your first try it means you’ re not trying enough! Just like in basketball if your shooting 100%, it doesn’ t mean you’ re a great shooter… it means you’ re not taking enough shots!
-End
Tangent-The whole interaction is constant forward motion… no time spent or action taken simply for the purpose of passing time – rather everything is intentional with a constant forward
This is why at this point in my game if you give me enough time with a girl there is honestly no way I can fail. If it’ s not on in 5 mins, give me 10. If after 10 I don’ t have it and you give me 10 more mins… I’ ll get it. And if I can’ t get it by then, give me 20 more and you can bet I’ ll have it.
And when you think about it – if you’ ve got a working model and are moving forward there’ s NO REASON why ANY GUY should not be able to get ANY GIRL if given enough time.
A PU is a journey from A to B… there’ s a clear direction to move in to get to your
destination. Sure it’ s great to stop and smell the roses along the way but this ain’ t no flower walk, we’ re going somewhere so let’ s get moving on the way.
A Guide To Blowout-Free Opening
Ok guys, here it is… a guide to successfully open and hook any set anywhere… To be clear, this is simply a guide to avoid being blown out. IMO you will get laid more by opening every set with high sexual energy...but you will also get blown out more. Eventually you learn to recognize when sexual state at the outset will work and when to tone it down. Until then, and for those not comfortable going purely sexual, this will get you into just about any set and will have girls asking you Indicators of Interest-question almost instantly.
1. Finding Your Target
So for starters, the first thing is to find a target. Now, any girl is openable and receptive… but there are clear signs that she will or will not be receptive to your opening at that given moment. We are all told times to avoid opening such as when she’ s waiting for the
bartender, on the dance floor, etc. (though these are debatable as many successful Pickups have happened in both these locations) – but it seems like there isn’ t much explanation of optimal times to open. This seems as good as any a place to begin… The easiest way to have your opener received favorably is to find a girl who will respond favorably to your opener (sounds simple right?). The most fool-proof way to do this is look at a group. There is usually a girl sitting on the outside leaning far in trying to listen or be included. Open her with the instructions that will come later and I promise she will receive you. On the flip-side, if you see 2 girls talking and they are leaning in close to each other (say they are seated and their heads are much closer than their asses) – its not that this set is un-openable, but you’ re better off opening at a later time when they aren’ t as engaged in the conversation.
A few other examples of good times to open:
– If her friend is at the bar buying drinks and she is standing idly by in the proximity looking around.
– If she/they are looking around the room with their chin(s) up.
– If she is standing/sitting still with an emotionless or uninviting look on her face. -If she looks bored.
2. Opening Dynamics
Ok, so you see a Hot Babe you’ d like to meet/close, popular opinion is to not open her directly but to open the obstacle first. This is true most of the time by virtue of the fact that the HB is usually the center of attention anyway, but fact is, which group member you should approach has less to do with attractiveness and instead is more about which one will be more welcoming to you. Once you’ re in set in the group, its easy to switch your attention to the target (at the appropriate time).
So we know who to approach and when – lets get down to the how…
When approaching a group, approach the side of the girl you gauge to be most receptive. Gently touch her arm to get her attention, and proceed with a concise opener (not without grounding it – i.e. “ hey my friends and I are discussing ____ and I was wondering if I could get your opinion on _____. (Opener)” .
Now as you run your opener, you’ ll notice the rest of the group giving you suspicious looks, as they should be. Solution: Run opener on Receptive Girl (RG), but before she has a chance to respond break eye contact with her and address group as whole with same question (like you’ re trying to include them in discussion. Again, before group has chance to respond, look back to RG for answer/reaction. By doing this, you are both disarming the group (showing them your harmless intent, that you want to include them, and getting them involved and interacting with you. For the next minute you can repeat this sequence, make comment to RG, repeat to group, then point (literally) to group member you would like to respond to your statement/question. Switch it around, call on different people, spread your eye contact and reactional opportunities equally throughout the group until you are ready to isolate target.
3. The Opener
I seriously advise you avoid using any opener you read on the internet. For one thing, the opener sets the tone of the conversation and provides her the first glimpse of your
personality. From this point, anything you say will be measured against your opener for congruence – thus if the opener isn’ t your own, your further talk wont be congruent, and since girls are ultra perceptive of this sort of thing, it’ s less than ideal. Instead, read openers and try to understand the general principles at play.
A huge mistake people make is they decide which opener they will use before finding a girl to use it on. This is clearly an incorrect and illogical sequence (I spent 10 minutes trying to think of appropriate simile, but alas, I lack the way with words, let me know if you come up
with one) - instead you want to assess the girl’ s state and then use an opener appropriate to that state. That is worth elaborating on your opener should be matched to your reading of the girl. If you perceive the girl as sexual, you will be less successful asking for a quick female opinion on something then you will be with a direct or situational opener. Likewise, if you perceive the girl as timid, she’ ll probably shy away from a direct opener while she’ ll respond to your request for a quick opinion.
When Approaching – it is very important that you gain eye contact with RG (maybe target, maybe not) and gauge her interest in you. That is, if she shoots you solid eye contact and a provocative look, opening with an opinion will be perceived as a sexual de-escalation and will lower your value.
You must gauge her initial interest and calibrate your opener to accommodate that sexual energy. Anything less will be viewed as a cowardly de-escalation and will lead to a blow-out.
Opinion Openers: Though I personally think opinion openers are the least optimal, if
you’ re going to use an opinion, ask something relevant. I don’ t like asking who’ s sexier Spiderman or Superman because I don’ t care – girls can tell this – they are ultra
perceptive. Sure you can practice and rehearse to act like you care, but why bother… how is being able to convincingly ask a dumb question a good skill to have??? So if you are going to use an opinion or open with a question, make it a question you care about. “ I was just in Prague and I got this bracelet, do you like it or do you think its girly?” “ I’ m not really from around here and I notice everyone here wears really dark colors, why do you think that is? What do you think of a guy who wears bright colors like this?” ect – you get the idea. You notice even though these are opinion openers, they are situation-based and thus are relevant to the moment. Also these are Demonstrations of Higher Value. If you ask which superhero is sexier, it is abstract and the girl has little incentive to respond. With a situational opinion you make her feel like she is helping (which she wants to do) and that she is being useful, and thus that the interaction matters (she is invested in your success). Bottom line, make your opinion opener relevant to something currently observable.
Situational Openers: These are my favorite. They cut through the crap of an opinion
opener as they are more direct and personal, and are less likely to be viewed as a cowardly sexual de-escalation.
I’ ve closed several girls with “ Hey, I gotta give you a compliment on something… you have the meanest most uninviting look on your face, its fantastic, do you practice that look in front of the mirror?” This works because it’ s true. Or “ Ok, that’ s twice that I’ ve walked by
and you shot me a funny look, what’ s the deal?” To be clear, these are not de-escalated situationals (i.e. it sure is hot in here), but are actually semi-personal. I know other people have had great results with things like “ I had to come over and talk to you because you radiate a great energy” . Again, whether this is bullshit or not, the girl perceives this as situational – you saw a great energy and thus had to talk to her.
Direct Openers: “ Hi (pause)” “ Hi, my name is Ryan” ect. These are the most escalated
openers and require a very strong sexual state on your part to be effective. Notice again, if the girl is timid or has not made interested eye contact with you she wont respond
positively to your direct opener. At the same time, if she has indicated interest or sexuality, this is the best way to go as an opinion is a de-escalation and a situation is on par with her indicated interest – whereas the direct opener escalates just a little bit and sets the pace you want.
4. Behavior/Bodylanguage
Upon approach lightly touch her arm and as soon as she looks begin talking - don't give her conditioned response a chance to kick in before your talking and shes listening. Your body language should be slowed down, don’ t make jittery hand gestures, instead move your hands in smooth strokes, and gesture to who you’ d like to speak. keep your body language open and keep your hands visible in the beginning. Don’ t smile too much, but rather use well placed smiles to let them know they are behaving correctly. Use an inquisitive half-smile to prod them on, and an encouraging whole smile to let them know they did a good job. Don’ t cock your head up, instead keep your head level. Your voice should be un-rushed, speak at a comfortable pace. if you go into rapid-speak, it comes off as low-self-esteem and low value.
When you're talking, if you get interrupted with something positive (either they answer your question before you finish or they ask you an interest-question (i.e. where are you from?) drop the opener and proceed running set, you're in. If one interrupts you with something unfavorable look at her like she's retarded/socially awkward, and do a group analysis like "ok so you're the cool one, you're the funny one, and you're the defensive/cold/impolite one". Usually the group members will laugh then agree, or else correct you. From here it is your choice, you can go back to opener, or begin new thread about the dynamics of their group.
Everyone is friendly, people want to talk to you. You’ re much more interesting than anything else around, and they’ re lucky to have the pleasure of your company. We
sometimes don’ t know how to react when strangers talk to us, which sometimes leads us to be skeptical when people approach us. For this reason, it is crucial that you establish yourself as a person and not as an intrusion. People are never rude to people, only rude to inconveniences. So when you open, if you get a funny/hesitant/suspicious look, say “ no really… ” and cock your head to the side just a little bit. This should get them to lower their defenses. An illustration:
Ryan: Hey, me and my friends were talking about the differences between friendly and
unfriendly body language and we could really use a female opinion, what do you perceive as unfriendly body language.
Ryan: (to group - before HB has chance to respond) When you girls are talking to a guy,
how does your body language change if you like him versus if you don’ t?
HB: *suspicious look*
Ryan: Really… I have to get back to my friends, but what do you guys think? *Head cocked
slightly to the side with an inquisitive look and a nice smile*
HB: blablabla
Ryan: Because I noticed you were kind of standing like *imitation* when that guy came to
talk to you, and that led me to think you didn’ t like him, is that right?
HB: OMG you're totally right, bla bla bla or HB: Whats your name?
5. Some Additional Pointers on Opening
-Unless you are trying to hook up someone else, do not open with the topic being someone else (i.e. my friend here/there wants to _____, what do you think?).
-Avoid asking things that indicate dissatisfaction with yourself. (i.e. should I dye my hair blonde?) This shows you’ re unhappy with the way you are and indecisive about your life. If you insist on going this route a better alternative is “ what do you think of guys who dye their hair blonde but who leave the dark roots visible? Do you like being able to see the roots or is it better to go blonde all the way through?” Again though, its counter productive and incongruent to ask this if you’ re not actually considering dying your hair blonde. -I find it hard to see any situtaion where a tall guy should use an opinion opener. Height is associated with sexual presense, and as such an opinion opener will be viewed as a sexual de-escalation. tall guys should go use situational or direct only IMO with more initial sexual presense than shorter guys.
6. Progression – From Outer Game to Indifference (Post Scriptum)
This article is a piece I wrote 3 years ago on the topic of opening. I remember how proudly I posted it and how elated I was at the praise it received – yet now it appears to me almost as a relic of my own innocent and sophomoric past.
So what’ s the deal here… have I forgotten what I used to know about opening? Has years of clubbing and emotionally relating to manic-oversexed-sorostitutes fried my ability to over-analyze?? Possibly…
BUT, more likely, as I’ ve grown and honed my craft I’ ve learned to sort through that which simply IS NOT RELEVANT and to instead get down to the core pieces of what makes me successful…
In one section I dig into how to spot the Receptive Girl (RG) in a group. Now, I look at that and think “ WHO GIVES A FUCK! Just get in there, be loud and fire shit in every direction!” Sure we can call this unconscious competence – but there’ s something bigger going on here… the real reason guys who really get this stuff turn off to outer-game.
Simply put: there’ s an inverse relationship between awareness and flow-state.
This means that as you pick up, the more aware you are OF ANYTHING, the less able you are to access your most charismatic flow state.
So yes, while having the technical understanding of how to accurately assess which girl in a group may be most receptive, or which type of opener may be most appropriate for the situation, may make it somewhat easier for me to get into set - that benefit is MORE THAN NEGATED by the burden of awareness.
That’ s why guys who have reached the stage where they’ re truly getting results (pulling with regularity) will actually shun away from outer-game discussion – both in terms of how they game as well as what they write/think about. Because even thinking about it is
Stepping Up: Go Big or Go Home
Ok think back to the last girl you approached. Remember what she looked like? Attractive, hopefully.
Well fellas I’ ve got some unfortunate news for you… you’ re not the first guy that’ s tried to fuck her. Really. In fact, you’ re not the tallest, richest, best looking, or most musically talented.
What that means is that if she’ s going to sleep with you you’ ve got to step the fuck up. Seriously, man the fuck up.
Look, the universe ain’ t gonna give a damn thing to you. It’ s not that evolution is a cruel bitch… rather she’ s a fair one. She gives to those who step up and deserve and has no qualms about holding back from those who don’ t. The clouds aren’ t gonna magically part and from the skies deliver an angel to your doorstep. Or if you think they are… have fun waiting.
Beyond that, it’ s up to you to take action. And I don’ t mean “ Oh, I went out and approached, I took action… ” – I mean taking charge of the situation on a moment by moment basis… harden up.
The fact is, in EVERY PICKUP there are rough spots… it’ s like Ozzie says, “ Pulling… It’ s fucking messy!” You ARE going to get bumped into, her friends are going to give her looks like “ who is this guy?” , some big dude is going to try to muscle in on your girl. Get used to it. In fact, embrace it… THIS IS A GOOD THING.
I’ m not going to stand out to a girl with my looks, height, or money. But I promise you I will mentally be the hardest guy she will ever meet. What that means is that there are some guys who curl up when the going gets tough, and there are some guys who step up to the challenge. This isn’ t just in pick-up, this is in LIFE. Which one are you?
When her friends come crashing in are you going to quietly hope they acknowledge you? When her state starts dropping do you start thinking “ aw man she’ s losing interest” or do you think “ fuck that… it’ s on!” .
Look, girls are more socially intuitive than you can imagine. They know when things are going easy for you… they know when you’ re in a tight spot. And guess what, they’ re watching to see how you handle yourself.
In sports, most guys dread being down by 10 points, some even shut down. But every now and then you get the exceptional athlete who thrives off being down… who uses it as an opportunity to step up and truly shine. Those are the guys we immortalize. So when you feel yourself getting edged out of set… are you the type that bows out, or do you reassert your relevance. Are you waiting for the convenient conversational pause, or are you proactively pushing forward?
And from there, GO BIG.
I don’ t get every girl… far from it. I can deal with that… what I can’ t deal with is wondering “ what if?” . “ Oh, what if I’ d tried a little harder… what if I’ d been a little bit more bold?” What do I mean by this?
Well there was the time I walked the girl back to her hotel where she said “ it was so great meeting you… give me a call so we can hang out this week” . Leave no room for what if… “ Yeah great meeting you… hey I really gotta pee and I’ ve got this thing about public toilets, do you mind if I use the bathroom in your room?” And from there, GO BIG… I walk out of the bathroom in my pink boxers, clothes tucked under my arm, “ ok cool, thanks for that, was great meeting you, bye” . Needless to say, it was definitely not “ bye” .
Or the time the fatty so resolutely insisted I couldn’ t talk to hottie anymore (who loved me) that I literally picked up hottie over my shoulder and out-ran fattie for 6 blocks to get away. “ Hahaha OMG I can’ t believe this is happening, you’ re so awesome… how are you even carrying me this far??” … “ I train Crossfit” .
Leave no room for ‘ what if’ … the universe isn’ t gonna align to get you what you want… it respects those who step up.
I guess I have to thank my wrestling coach… there are 2 gems he gave me that have really stuck with me through the years:
The first one is: Look, there are guys out there that are bigger than you, stronger than you, have wrestled longer than you. The match isn’ t won by the guy with the best technique… it’ s won by the guy with the most heart, the guy who wants it the most. Decide right now how much you want it.
And the second is: When you’ re out there, give it everything you’ ve got. Leave it all out there on the mat… all of it. If you do leave it all out there and you need me to carry you off the mat afterwards I will, proudly.
The question becomes… how much heart do YOU have? How much do you want it? How easily will you accept defeat?
Each of us already has enough going against us. The last thing I’ ll do is let myself go against myself. My thoughts, my attitude, my actions are going to serve me, not betray me. It’ s up to you to do the same. Harden up, step as a man, give yourself a chance.
On Polarity: Bringing Down the Hammer
I want to touch on the subject of polarity – and instead of digging deep into the core of ‘ masculine polarity’ and what it means to be a man… instead come at it from more of a surface level in terms of the importance of ‘ bringing down the hammer’ when needed. So it’ s widely known that girls are emotional creatures and need a wide range of emotions in order to feel fulfilled. (This is why – morality aside – it’ s often easier to hook up with a girl with a boyfriend than a single girl… with a single girl you’ ve gotta provide all emotions, whereas if the girl has a boyfriend you need only identify the emotion(s) she’ s not getting from her boyfriend and provide those.)
Well as is almost always the case, bringing the positive spectrum of emotions is easy and comes quite naturally… especially when we find ourselves attracted to the girl.
“ Oh hahaha, that’ s sooooo funny”
“ Here, you wait here while I get your coat and pull the car around” “ Aw thanks, that was really nice of you”
“ You’ re boss is a jerk, eventually he’ ll appreciate how much value you bring”
There’ s a million and one ways we offer girls positive emotions, everything from smiling to showing interest to complementing to you name it. And these are all completely necessary elements of any pick-up… thing is, balancing that out with polarity is equally necessary, and when appropriate must occur for a number of reasons. Interestingly enough, our natural instinct when we with to curry favor is to supplicate… to allow our standards to be trampled hoping the other party will acknowledge and appreciate our accommodative behavior. In reality, when we allow our standards to be trampled we actually turn off people to us on a personal level.
Consider this example:
I invite you and a friend over to my house. When you arrive, I welcome you in and ask you to take off your shoes. Your friend gladly removes his shoes, but instead you say “ you
know what… fuck you… I’ m keeping my shoes on” . Because I think so highly of you I respond “ Oh that’ s totally fine, in fact I’ m sorry I even asked, please, keep your shoes on and come on in… ”
Now, at this point are you thinking “ wow, Ryan’ s such a cool guy… ” or more realistically are you thinking “ haha what a little bitch.” – More likely the latter…
On the flipside, suppose you refuse to take your shoes off and this time I say “ alright, that’ s totally your decision, but you’ ll have to wait in the foyer… you’ re welcome into the living room any time you change your mind” .
Are you thinking “ Fuck this guy… what an asshole” … or are you simply thinking “ Ok, here’ s a guy who’ s got clear standards he expects others to adhere to… one of those being that I’ ve gotta take my shoes off if I wanna come in” .
Interestingly enough, people actually respect us more when we show that we respect our boundaries… that we have clear standards and expectations of others that are inflexible and inalienable.
So with a girl, I love telling her how much I like her, how much fun I’ m having with her, that she’ s great, ect. But, the moment she crosses a boundary I’ m equally quick to let her know she’ s strayed off track and to bring down the proverbial hammer if needed.
How do I do this?
Well, suppose I’ m talking to a girl and she decides to make fun of my shirt. The first time she does, I may give a little chuckle and even tease her back or playfully pretend I’ m sad. If she does it again I may convey that the joke has run it’ s course, like “ alright you got me” , or more likely even flat out ignore it. However, if she still wants to continue giving me a hard time, at this point she’ s acting in a way that’ s unacceptable and it’ s up to me to let her know she’ s infringed on my boundaries. I’ ll leave no doubt in communicating this:
“ Hey. That’ s enough.” “ Hey. Behave yourself.”
their phone… however if I’ m talking to a girl and she gets excessive with the texting, I have no problem letting her know she’ s being rude.
“ Hey, put your phone away, you’ re being rude”
To be clear, am I saying be an asshole? Absolutely not. Am I saying don’ t compliment girls and be sweet? Again, absolutely not. What I am saying is that it’ s important that you show at least a willingness to exercise polarity and demonstrate a degree of self respect.
Interestingly enough, this aspect of the game handles itself once you come into an
abundance mindset. For instance, the other night myself and my good friend Rudey were out in Chicago chatting to two girls we’ d met. My girl, being the sarcastic type was giving me a very hard time from the go – “ Is this your A-game?... well maybe you should start using your A-game cuz as of now you’ re not doing too well.” Now I love girls that challenge me, but this girl was going beyond simply being a challenge… she got to the point of being downright rude, oscillating between listening to me and allowing her attention to wander. Well screw that, the club was starting to get good and there’ s no way I’ ll stand for that type of behavior… so I simply got up and walked away – leaving her to play 3rd wheel to her friend and Rudey and think about her behavior.
About 20 mins later she found me in a different part of the club and approached me – “ Hey, there you are… ” I paused for a moment, thought about the way she’ d treated me the first time around, thought about the new girl I’ d met who was actually polite, shook my head and said “ No” , then walked away.
Later in the night Rudey was still chatting to the friend, so I went in and ended up chatting to the original friend again. She was receptive and friendly for about 3 minutes before snapping right back into her original behavior. This was too much – I grabbed Rudey by the arm, said “ we’ re moving on” , and the two of us walked away without looking back. (Let me give credit to Rudey here for being a true wing)
So then, the moral of the story? Well, keep reading…
Wouldn’ t you know it, later at the next club who again approaches me this time very clearly on her best behavior? By this point I was fully tired of her games so I told her as plainly as humanly possible: “ I’ m not sure I want to talk to you, you’ re rude” … She replied “ I like you.”
My response… “ I like you too, come with me” . From there on out she was a total
sweetheart, and I reciprocated – with her being fully appreciative (and also pulling me in a cab back to her hotel) knowing my affection was not a default but rather something that she had earned and therefore had attached meaning.
Looking back at the night, was I an asshole? I don’ t think so. Did I however show a
massive willingness to bring down the hammer and communicate what I do and do not find acceptable? Completely.
And on her end, can she feel good knowing she found the 1 in a million man who will not supplicate to her bratty behavior but will rather stay true to himself? Exactly.
Maybe 50 Cent said it best – “ Sunshine wouldn’ t be special if it weren’ t for rain.”
Show the girl that you’ re a man that can provide the complete spectrum, and she’ ll be that much more appreciative of all the good emotions you bring.
The Art of the Spin: The Centerpiece of My Verbal Game
Watching my interactions, here’ s the pattern…
I approach a girl, start talking, usually with something situational and mostly rambling about myself.
“ Hey what’ s up, I’ m Ryan… oh cool, nice to meet you… yeah I’ m actually pretty jet lagged and tired right now, but I haven’ t seen my friends in a while so I thought I’ d come out bla bla”
The idea here is that I’ m being intentionally mundane. Why mundane? Well, for one thing I’ m not qualifying myself either with my words or the amount of investment I’ m putting into the interaction, and beyond that, it allows her to get comfortable with the interaction so that what comes next is more of a spike…
Me: So yeah, even though I’ d rather be home catching up on sleep here I am out at the club, but I guess now that I’ m here I’ m glad my friends dragged me out because if they hadn’ t I wouldn’ t have met you and…
I begin here going from mundane into an over the top statement of intent (SOI) or assertion of togetherness.
Girl: Haha yeah… I’ m sure…
Me: and we wouldn’ t have fallen in love and we wouldn’ t go home and make ten thousand babies so me coming here is a good thing and…
Again, taking the SOI so far that she literally has no choice but to reject it. (In the cases where she does accept this big an SOI it’ s simply straight to the makeout and pull). Notice though I’ m not saying this stuff and pausing… I’ m actually ranting until the girl interrupts… Girl: Haha what the… I’ m not making babies…
And here’ s where we SPIN back – basically we back off but reinterpret her rejection as an indication of her interest in us. Ok – THIS IS BIG! We SOI HARD, then back off, but use her strong feelings for us AS A JUSTIFICATION FOR BACKING OFF. Essentially as you back off, she goes into an agreeable frame… that frame then carries into your assertion of her IOIing you. Observe:
Me: Oh wait… I’ m sorry, I shouldn’ t have said that… you’ re right, we should take our time and have a proper courtship before we get started breeding the little runts.
I’ m doing a couple things here… Firstly, by referring to making babies as “ breeding the little runts” I’ m further letting her know that I’ m only being playful and I’ m not actually trying to impregnate her. But beyond that and more importantly I’ ve built a playful vibe that she’ s not going to want to detract from by being disagreeable – AND I’ ve given her something
completely polite that she can very easily agree with… (girls will almost never opt to detract from the vibe unless they absolutely must).
Think about it – I put out “ Having a proper courtship before making babies” . There is simply no way she can disagree with this… what’ s she gonna say “ no” … “ fuck you, I’ m gonna make babies without a proper courtship” ??
So she preserves the vibe and agrees…
Girl: Haha Yes, I’ m a lady and I demand to be treated properly
Me: Indeed, I’ ll take good care of you and buy you only the finest of tacos and I won’ t even insist on rough anal sex every night…
Girl: What the… ! I’ m not having anal with you!
Me: Haha sweetie of course not! I just said you’ re my baby and I’ ll take care of you… (Again, the backward spin)
Girl: Yeah you better…
you know the type where I’ m kissing you and hugging you (hugging her and kissing her on the forehead as I say this), and where we lay in eachother’ s arms afterward…
Here I’ m pretty vividly painting an experience, that because it’ s so polite compared to what I’ ve previously put out she’ s likely to accept and even envision… so again, we SPIN. Me: And we won’ t need to do any of that kinky stuff… at least not until we start cranking out babies and you get fat and I don’ t find you physically attractive anymore… then we’ ll probably have to do kinky depraved shit just so I can even stomach it…
Girl: OMG you’ re such an asshole.
At this point, depending on how into me she is, she may even qualify, like “ OMG you’ re such an asshole… I’ d be a hot mom… ” Or she may just spike and not qualify – either is fine because now we’ re SPINNING back to our original loop.
Me: No no, you’ re misunderstanding, that’ s the whole point, and that’ s why I agree we shouldn’ t make 10000 babies but should instead have a proper courtship with no kinky depraved sexual acts or emotional abuse and instead just appreciate the magic we have together right now.
If I’ m able to run a spin loop like this through to completion attraction will be through the roof – so much so that I’ m literally able to shift straight into leading and logistics. I’ ll assert some more togetherness, escalate more, but for the most part pending no unforeseen interruptions it’ s a done deal.
I’ ll exit the loop and start to Pull Down.
Me: But look, if this is going to work, we need to get to know each other on a personal level, tell me about you…
And on the flip side, if attraction isn’ t as high as I like, I’ ll simply enter into another spin loop, this time basing it on a real OR fabricated IOI from her and responding with another hard SOI:
level, tell me about you…
Her: Well, I’ m 23, I go to law school, what else do you wanna know ?
Me: OMG, you’ re my baby, you had me before law school… look sweetie, I like you for you, I don’ t need a resume to know how special you are…
Her: I’ m not giving you a resume, you asked me to tell you about me so I am… Me: You’ re right, I’ m sorry, I’ m just crazy about you, go on, tell me…
And that’ s the game folks… note a couple key themes… 1.) I’ m asserting her actions to be IOIs to me.
2.) I’ m getting her to accept very hard SOIs from me because they come in the form of exit loops from even harder inappropriate SOIs.
3.) My apologies are tethered to assertions of togetherness (you’ re my baby, etc.) so that to accept the apology is to acknowledge our being together.
Cut the Chodeversation: Anatomy of a Spike
Do you ever feel yourself slipping into “ Chodeversation” ? Like “ what’ s your name… where you from?… oh cool, I grew up near there myself… yeah but then I went to school in… ” Yuk times! Let’ s talk about making it fun… lets talk about unpredictability and spiking…
Talking to me is like walking on ice – no one can predict where I’ m going… or anticipate where to step next. Why?… because I say what I want, when I want – free and unbounded by social convention. I bring the truth. What is the truth? Well, the truth varies… but as a guy talking to an attractive girl… let’ s not kid ourselves
Too often do I see guys slipping into “ chodeversation” … going interview style, or talking to the girl to simply keep the interaction going, rather than acting through intent and leading the interaction. Saying what’ s really on your mind and bringing SPIKES.
How do you spike? Well, simply put - a spike occurs when you introduce a sexual frame in
a seemingly random way at an escalated energy level. Got it? That’ s right… increase the
energy level (get excited), change the subject, and make it sexual. 3 steps to a spike So common example…
Girl: Right so I really wanna open a shelter for puppies with eating disorders so that they can…
Guy: Wait wait wait! I just noticed this dress you’ re wearing… turn around let me have a look at you!
Now, interestingly enough - spikes usually come from a place of truth. So when this
gorgeous girl starts rambling on about deforestation in Arizona and you feel your thoughts start wandering in a naughty direction, that’ s your spike material right there.
Keeping it unpredictable
So then, let’ s take a look at an example I had lastnight…
The girl I’ m chatting to asks a lame question - I know where things are headed. I can either go down that dark and dull road, or instead I can make it fun and bring the spikes. Here’ s how I played it…
…
(or whatever random thing I was saying) Girl: Thanks, where are you from?
So then, this could go downhill very quickly. In a past life I would have said something like “ oh I grew up in DC but then lived in England for a while and bla bla… ”
Boooooorrrriiiiiiiinnnggg…
Then I learned “ Game” … so it became “ Guess!” … LAAAAAAAAMMMEEEE Let’ s get to the fucking point already!
Ryan: oh cool, yeah that’ s an interesting dress you’ re wearing… (or whatever random thing I was saying)
Girl: Thanks, where are you from? Ryan: Yeah I am single.
Spike
I’ m not here to waste time… I don’ t need to go through the pleasantries, as it’ s been put elsewhere, “ I drive diagonally across the lanes” . Let’ s get down to business, shall we… And the dance begins…
The Dance Begins
Girl: Haha what!? No I asked where are you from! Think you know what’ s coming next?
…
…
Ryan: Christ, you’ re too cute, what am I gonna do with you… ? Girl: (who is this man!?!?)
Ryan: Ok that’ s it, it’ s decided… I’ m keeping you.(hug and kiss)
Guys, this is how you go beyond talking to a girl… how you CREATE AN EXPERIENCE. I’ ve had enough chodeversations to know they’ re not fun. So when I feel the conversation sliding in that direction, I put a stop to it right then and there… to do this I change the
subject and get down to the truth of the matter.
What is the truth?
And if I think she’ s hot than a whole slew of other ideas come to mind. Once my thoughts go there, you can be damn sure I’ m not gonna slide into “ oh cool… so where are you from?”
Now, obviously there is a time and place for getting to know each other… but only AFTER you’ ve set a sexual frame for the relationship - and one tool you can use to set that sexual frame is… that’ s right, SPIKING
See guys, we’ re not bound by convention. We have no obligation to stick to threads, take things slow… or even MAKE SENSE for that matter. We do what we want, when we want. We say what we want, when we want! So cut the BS-filler-speak, keep it unpredictable, and bring out what’ s really on our minds.
Using Pauses to Amp the Vibe - Silence is Golden
I want to talk about using silence to your advantage – as a way to show your comfort in the situation, to introduce a sexual element, and to get the girl contributing. One of the most common mistakes guys make is they get so happy just to be flirting with a girl that they go into motor-mouth mode… constantly talking never allowing for silence. People do this for 2 reasons… 1 they feel like they need to keep putting out content simply to keep the girl, and secondly they are uncomfortable with silence so they resort to filler-speak to fill the gaps. The fact is, leaving silent pauses in your speech serves a number of purposes…
1.) It shows you value what you say. You speak only when you have something to say… not simply just for the purpose of saying words.
2.) It sets a sexual tone – a silent pause is a great way to build sexual tension… if you and a girl are enjoying eachother’ s company while no words are being spoken, it means you must be enjoying each other on a non-verbal level.
3.) It communicates your expectations – it tells the girl you expect her to contribute to the interaction and shows her that you are a man with expectations.
4.) It puts the girl in her head. You know that feeling you get when you feel a silence coming and your thoughts start racing to fill the gap? Well, girls feel the same way… put her into this headspace and she’ ll rationalize “ look, I’ m searching nervously for something to say… I must like this guy” .
5.) It shows a high tolerance to social pressure. Put simply, this is an attractive trait. So then, what are some different times one can use pausing in an interaction to maximum effectiveness:
Early in the interaction:
You ask the girl a question, she responds with a short answer. i.e. “ Where are you from… ?”
