· Don’t bring up old issues. Old, unrelated issues should not be brought up while discussing a current issue. Many times in an argument someone will raise old issues or hurts as ammunition for his or her side. Stick to the here and now. If old issues are still upsetting you, bring them up separately, at a different time.
· Don’t overload partner with complaints. While you may have things you would like to discuss with your friend, partners, or parents, do not given a long list of complaints. Deal with them one at a time. Otherwise working out the relationship may appear hopeless.
· Don’t sabotage yourself. Do not make yourself invisible or remain unheard. It is your responsibility to keep people from walking all over you. You must sometimes remind other that you count, that you are a somebody who deserves respect.
Remember that the goal of conflict resolution is a win-win situation, rather than one person winning and the other losing. These approaches bring conflict into the realm of appropriate communication, thoughtfulness logic, and most importantly, allow each person to retain self-respect while giving respect to the other person. While steps may seem too structured, you are encouraged to use them in the order given until you and the person you have the conflict with are able to modify them to fit your resolution style.
3.5.1 Steps in Conflict Resolution
· Invite the other person to talk with you abut the problem you are having in the relationship. If he or she can’t talk right now, then agree upon a time and place to discuss it later.
· When you do together, state your complaint specifically. Use I statement and stick to one issue. Assert yourself and let your feelings be known.
· To be sure the complaint has been understood, ask your friend (parent, sibling, partner) to paraphrase your complaint. In other words, have him or her give you feedback. If necessary, clarify what you meant to correct any misunderstandings.
· Request a reasonable behavior change hat serves both your needs and solve the problems. Remember that the other person is important too.
· Once again, ask for feedback – this time to make certain that your requested behavioral change was understood.
· Give the other person to express feeling regarding our complaint or request. If he or she is reluctant of disclose feigns, you may need to ask for them.
· Now you give feedback. Let the person know what message you received about his or her feelings. Keep the next step in mind.
· Take a much time as you need to think or calm down before replaying. You want to speak out of anger. Also, the process of resolving conflict should not be rushed you want to reach on agreement that will be kept.
· Allow your friend (parent, sibling, partner) to (a) accept your request under certain conditions. For example, you may request that your friend not smoke cigarettes.
This request might be accepted under the condition that he or she does not smoke in your presence. Any counterdemand or condition should be discussed fully. In this
case, you may or may not agree with the counterdemand of simply not smoking in your process.
· In the two of you cannot reach agreement, it may best to address the problem again at a later time. It is best if he two of you agree upon another date and time so that the problem won’t just get swept under the rug. Depending upon the problem =, you may have t live with the knowledge that time disagree on the issue. However, some times the lack of conflict resolution may indicate that relationship between friends is so strained that it may have to be ended.
· When you reach an agreement through negotiation, celebrate with a verbal commitment to act, or even with a physical sign such as a handshake.
3.5.2 Parent – Child Conflict
Below are instance of common cause of conflicts between parents and their children.
Driving – why can’t I drive the car mum? You know I can drive. After all, my mates in school drive their parent’s cars. You just don’t trust me. I shall get licenses soon.
· Bed time – why do I have to go to bed now? Can’t I stay for a little while? I don’t feel sleepy and I want to watch an interesting movie. My friends always watch the movie. Why won’t you make me happy in this house?
· Dressing – Mum I don’t like this dress. It’s too childish. I can’t wear it to church I prefer this one. This is what my friends are wearing now. I need a sense of belong among my peers.
· Sibling’s rivalry – I never start fight but you always blame me. How come you yell at me and never say anything to him. You like him better than me. And you always have.
· Outings / parties – why can’t I go to the party. I will be safe there. My other friends will there too. I will be all right. I know you don’t like al night parties but the guys are decent.
· Career – I want to study law. Why should you force me to study medicine? I don’t want to be a doctor. I want to be a lawyer. I don’t have to don what you want or what you like, I know what I want and that what I’ll do.
· Drugs – why can’t I smoke too, dad? I heard you telling your friends that you started smoking at age 15. Why is it dad for me if it was good for you, after all I only smoke two sticks a day? What about other guys who smoke packet a day.
· Friends – you always complain about my friends. Why can’t I go out with them? I like them. We get along well. They even help me at school. Now they have threatened to abandon me because you shouted at them and warned them never to come to the house again.
· School – I don’t want to go to that school again. The teachers there are wicked.
They are always picking on me. They say I’m a spoilt child. I know they hate me and I hate them to.
· Dating – but I love him. I can’t live without him and he loves me too. Why can’t I see him again? I’m not too young at 15. Besides, all my friends have boyfriends except me. Do you want me to remain a baby forever?
4.0 CONCLUSION
These sub-units have been presented to understanding the importance of the family as the early childhood education. The basis (the family) foundation a child had goes along way to determine his/her adjustment and performance level in schools. As a result, it is necessary that attention must be paid as to the factors necessary to uphold families. As no nation can rise above the quality of its citizens, quality education and provision of basic amenities by the Nigerian government must be the corner stone for national development.
5.0 SUMMARY
In this unit, you learnt about the family systems theory, the changing forms of today’s family, communities in families, pupils, students school relationships etc. in the next unit;
you will be introduced to the topic – marriage and divorce
6.0 TUTOR – MARKED ASSIGNMENT
Write briefly on how the family can support a child in school transition