An affirmed identity

Self-esteem

Bella goes on to talk about the reasons she enjoys using online spaces:

I think the great thing about talking to people online is definitely getting all the reactions, say if you post a photo, like a selfie, just seeing people like it and all the comments. So, in real life, someone might just say, “oh, I love your dress”…(pause)

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but if you have a photo and then people like it or react or post all the hearts or the heart eyes emoji, or comment, and you can look at it for longer and so it means more. You can also look back at it, like if you look through your photos and you see all the likes and comments.

Interviewer: How does that make you feel?

Bella: Yeah it's good, really good because it's like all of those reactions are because of something I did or said or a photo. And so that's the… that's the best bit. Because all those reactions are there, and you can go back to it (T1, P5, L2-16)

There seems to be something here in the constancy of online likes or comments on SNS which provide stability for Bella as these reactions can be ‘looked back at' as opposed to verbal remarks which she hints may be forgotten or do not have the same gravitas.

Interestingly, also in the above extract, her term of ‘real life' can be noted, which underpins the idea that Bella does not regard online situations as real life. Bella's perception of this suggests, and perhaps justifies, the difference in her online and offline persona. Bella's emphasis on feeling ‘good, really good' implies a fervent desire to gather online reactions from others on the front stage online, and she claims that ‘that's the best bit' of online use. These reactions, therefore, are affirming the ‘character' or identity to which Bella has committed herself, and thus endorse her identity and self-esteem; identity commitment is being achieved through online social interactions with the audience.

Bella's use of social media, posting photographs as she wishes, seems to suggest she has some degree of autonomy and free will when using the Internet, and thus that there is not a direct overbearing from authority figures on her actions on the front stage online.

It must be noted here that, with reference to the discussion in Chapter 2 (Section 2.4.6), posting photos of oneself online suggests ‘free will’ for young girls doing so in a patriarchal society, where even in our contemporary society, female power can be asserted through superficial looks (McLean et al., 2015). Returning to Butler and performativity (discussed earlier in Section 2.3.5 on gender), the posting of selfies can be seen as a way that individuals, such as Bella in this instance, are constructing their gender through this

repetitive performance of gender-confirming activity. This links to the theme of ‘affirmation’ of an identity and raises the idea of identities therefore not only being affirmed by the audience, and ‘the other’, but also affirmed by the self in this repeated performance and self-curation online.

90 Regarding this second theme of an ‘affirmed’ identity, it is interesting to consider where key influential family members are mentioned in each individual’s narrative. Bella mentions authority figures in her opening introduction in her first interview:

My name is Bella. My favourite colour is neon lime green. I really, really want a dog, but my dad doesn't really want to get one, or I would really like a cat, but my mum is allergic to cats, so we can't really get one. And I don't really go horse riding a lot, because my mum is allergic to horses. But I love horse riding... (pause) I love drawing. I love ICT; I absolutely love ICT. I am very good at art. I'm chatty. I'm loud. And I'm funny. (T1, P1, L5-13).

There are many elements and characteristics of Bella's life that she portrays in her opening introduction. Her matter-of-fact acceptance in accommodating her parents' wishes or allergies in her desires to have a pet or follow a hobby show a level of maturity and sensibility. It could be argued that this may or may not show authoritarianism of Bella's identity; is she submitting and accepting her parents' behaviour without question?

There is a commitment to her identity shown in this extract. Without prompt, Bella confidently talks about her favourite past-times, school subjects, animals and holiday destinations, which shows she has a range of interests and experiences. Bella uses the three adjectives of ‘chatty', ‘loud' and ‘funny' to present her key attributes, which may suggest that not only does she feel herself to be quite a confident, popular and well-liked character, but also that these are three attributes she sees as being positive in others, too. Bella's choice of

adjectives conveys the idea that Bella feels comfortable around other performers on the stage and does not feel threatened by those who show identity commitment. Being ‘chatty' is prevalent through Bella's narrative and also present in her behaviour during her interviews where she often talks without prompt or hesitation; this suggests a level of self-appreciation, which links back to the previously discussed personality characteristic, ‘self-esteem'. It is worth noting here that overlap is seen between the personality characteristics throughout each idiographic case study.

A stronger example of authoritarianism from Bella’s narrative is shared in the extract below:

Friends? It’s forever chopping and changing. My mum says I’m like Marmite, you either love me or hate me. And I guess it’s like that with friends, they either love me or hate me and we are either like BFFs or just totally not talking. (T1, P2, L6-10)

The recall of what her mother says shows authority in identity affirmation here, trusting in an authority figure.

91 As in the above extract, when asked about her friends, Bella gives a somewhat rational response, claiming that ‘they either love me or hate me and we are either like BFFs or just

totally not talking’. Here, Bella seems at ease with the idea that sometimes she may be

friendly with peers, and at other times not. Bella shows a comfortable fluidity within her friendships that may suggest inner contentment with who she is as a person, someone who has accepted their identity yet appreciates that others may not always like her, but that this might change. Her casual dismissal of others ‘just totally not talking' to her seems to show an indifference to this attitude, or at last her appreciation of the potential short-term nature of others' opinions, as, after all, relationships and identities shift over time.

In the following extract, Bella also shows sound reasoning around taking care online with unknown users; this awareness shows Bella has committed to a cautious part of her identity.

Interviewer: So, are the things we put online, like the photos or the comments, for example- are they an accurate representation of who we are, do you think?

Bella: Hmm. I suppose not everyone is as honest, as genuine. Like some people might have all the filters on their photos, or some people use other people's photos- that's called ‘catfishing'. There's actually a TV show about it, and they track down these people who have been making these fake profiles! And that's, like, they aren't even the right person whom they are claiming to be. So, I think you just have to be careful and just think, if something doesn't feel right, then it probably isn't right. And then just tell someone like your mum or something. (T2, P6, L1-17)

Bella’s awareness at only eight years old of ‘catfishing’, and understanding of people's manipulation of SNS, was explained in a straightforward, matter-of-fact way. Bella's warning of being aware of if ‘something doesn't feel right' shows, again, her control when navigating online spaces, and shows that although she is aware of the dangers she may encounter, she feels she can judge if these encounters are safe or not. Again, this shows commitment to a resilient and informed identity. Bella then advises, in the form of a command, ‘just tell someone like your mum' (T2, P6, L1-17), which shows confidence in the handling of a situation, almost as if she is the expert cascading this knowledge to the listener. Although Bella is committing to specific roles online, such as that of a confident and informed

navigator, in times of crisis, adult intervention may be sought. Bella’s confidence online may be seen to link to digital literacy, as discussed earlier in Section 2.4.4.

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4.3.1.3 A stable identity and autonomy