In today’s disorderly social climate, men overemphasize the importance of physical beauty while women obsess over social
status. Neither of these dysfunctional perspectives produce a healthy relationship.
Real long-term attraction is always linked to necessity; whatever you depend upon becomes attractive. Properly functioning men and women are attracted to those who meet their needs. Since order ultimately meets everyone’s needs, it proves fundamentally attractive to both genders. This means men are ultimately attracted to women who submit to their authority, and women are ultimately attracted to
men who create an orderly
arrangement with that authority. In laymen’s terms, men are drawn to women who appreciate male care, and women are drawn to men who provide that care. In practical terms, this means men are attracted to women who listen, obey and support them, and women are attracted to men who direct and take charge of a relationship. When this
arrangement becomes orderly, a romantic relationship results.
Romantic relationships meet the needs of both genders. This is why men and women, regardless of what they claim or intend, naturally gravitate toward romantic relationships. You may want to have sex with super models. You may daydream about sleeping with an entire harem of women. But in the end, your need for companionship will dictate your behavior. You will naturally gravitate toward finding one woman to meet your companionship needs. A strictly sexual relationship will not meet that basic human need.
Romantic relationships give women the opportunity to depend on men (for protection, affection, stability, security, provision, etc.). And they
give men the opportunity to depend on women (for sex, companionship, children, support, etc.).
Men have needs that only women can meet, and women have needs that only men can meet. When men and women mutually depend on each other to meet their needs, a proper relationship is formed. When dependence is mutual, order is established. Such orderly
relationships cause mutual satisfaction.
too sHoRt, too UglY, too [inseRt inaDeqUacY]
“I’m short. I’m bald. I’m ugly.”
Men today worry about not being tall enough or handsome enough to attract women. You assume women reject you because of your lack of physical appeal.
But you really have no idea what causes lasting attraction in women.
First, you must recognize the difference between a disorderly physical appearance and a disorderly life.
Abnormal height, big ears, acne scars, hair loss and a crooked nose are all examples of a disorderly physical appearance. On the other hand, obesity, tattoos, piercings, bad posture and muttering your words are all symptoms of a disorderly life. The former things are out of your control. The latter things result from a lack of self-control—
your inability to exercise your authority to create order in your life.
Being short is not under your control. You were born that way. Being fat, on the other hand, is under your control. Your poor eating choices resulted in a disorderly condition (you’re fat).
Unfortunately, today’s society scolds you for having crooked teeth, acne and wrinkles—disorderly conditions that you were born with.
But it protects against the ridicule of obesity—a disorderly condition directly under your control.
Some genetic disorders can be addressed quite easily (braces for crooked teeth, medication for acne). Others prove more difficult (crooked nose, balding). But you should realize that none of these conditions are significant enough to inhibit your ability to attract others. All of these can easily be overcome. Your crooked nose, your discolored tooth, your balding head, your wrinkles, your asymmetrical
facial features, and other naturally occurring disorderly features do not prevent you from exercising your authority to create order. Thus, they will not prevent you from attracting women.
On the other hand, smoking, obesity, bad hygiene, decaying teeth are all symptoms of a disorderly life. These are naturally offensive to others. You should do whatever is necessary to rectify disorderly conditions
resulting from your negligence.
Unlike men, women are not particularly attracted to physical features.
You don’t yet realize this, but your ability to create order is your most attractive feature, easily trumping your physical appearance. An ugly man who can create order will inevitably become more attractive
over time than a handsome man who can’t. Creating order is always more attractive than a handsome appearance. Creating order even overcomes your own plain/ugly outward appearance. Just ask Mick Jagger.
Second, being short/bald/Chinese is not that unattractive in itself, as are many other perceived shortcomings. The real problem begins when society attaches
an undesirable association to these things. Because society portrays short people as less attractive, bald people as creepy and Asians as nerdy, you believe yourself to be unattractive. This belief causes your expression
to suffer. Instead of conveying yourself to others, you succumb to these negative social expectations. You respond by creating defense mechanisms to preserve your self-esteem. Instead of acknowledging your perceived shortcoming, you seek to deny it or distort it. Or you begin to reject others before they can reject you.
These defense-mechanisms alienate others. While you may temporarily feel better about yourself, in the long run, your social interactions will suffer. People will reject your defensive behavior, causing you to become even more defensive. And the cycle will repeat. To break out of this cycle, you need to learn how to manage the expectations of others.
Third, you erroneously assume that women emphasize physical attractiveness the way men do. You spend ridiculous amounts of money on
unnecessary haircuts and outfits. You follow metrosexual fashion codes—makeovers, tattoos, body piercings, bodybuilding—in a vain attempt to attract women.
But stylish elevator shoes, plastic surgery and laser hair removal will not make up for a lack of authority. None of these silly remedies address the real issue hindering your attractiveness—your inability to create order.
To really become attractive to women, you must learn how to create order. This means you must learn how to control a social interaction by dictating how others should respond to you. Instead
of changing your physical appearance to meet the dysfunctional expectations of society, you need to learn how to change the negative associations connected to your appearance. You need to learn how to properly govern social traffic. You need to learn how to influence the view of others to fit your expectations. [This will be addressed in Part III].