Basic Approaches to Chaplaincy

ATTRIBUTION

From the Unitarian Universalist Association Youth Chaplain Manual (2006).

TEXT

There are several key aspects to remember when approaching any chaplaining situation. These recommendations help guide the general framework of the relationship between chaplain and chaplainee.

Respect as a Fundamental Value:

In his book, The Skilled Helper, Gerard Egan states that respect should be the fundamental value of any counseling relationship. Respect must not be merely felt by the chaplain, it must also be communicated to the chaplainee (Egan 46). Egan demonstrates some of the ways in which this respect can be shown.

Communicate to the chaplainee that you are “for” them: Focus on the chaplainee, give them your undivided attention. Find whatever ways seem natural to you to communicate to them that, at that moment, they are the single most important person in the world for you to be with.

Keep the needs of the chaplainee central: Egan emphasizes focusing at all times on why the person has come to talk to you, what they want to communicate, and how you can assist them with this. Do not unnecessarily bring issues from your personal life into the relationship and do not delve into people’s lives and emotions simply to satisfy your interest or curiosity (Egan 46).

Be Nonjudgmental:

Another important way of communicating respect is to avoid being judgmental of them, their situations, or their actions. Every person has different values and makes different decisions based upon those values. Rather than trying to encourage someone to conform to what you believe is best, the chaplain is instead there to “help them identify, explore, and review and challenge the consequences of the values they have adopted” (Egan 46). The chaplain’s job is to provide emotional and spiritual support, not to serve as an authority for moral guidance.

It’s All About the Feelings!

More than anything, chaplaining is about feelings. In our society, it’s often difficult to find safe places to express deep feelings. So much of chaplaining is simply seeking to provide a space where people can share and explore their feelings. Simply being able to express one’s feelings generally does people a tremendous amount of good. Having someone who cares about and listens to those feelings helps even more so. Freudian psychotherapists might try to deal with subconscious desires; Zen masters might try to help a person find peace with the universe.

When chaplaining though, the primary “realm” that you will be in is that of the chaplainee’s feelings.

Other Suggestions:

In his book, Peer Counseling, Vincent D’Andrea gives a number of other suggestions to guide counseling relationships such as chaplaining:

• Don’t Take Responsibility for the Other Person’s Problem: It is not the chaplain’s job to solve the problems people bring to them. When you start feeling frustrated or inadequate as a chaplain because resolution does not come quickly or easily to the chaplainee, it becomes very easy to fall into the trap of overstepping your boundaries and to start directing the other person’s life in order to fulfill your own desires to feel effective (D’Andrea 8).

• Stick With the Here and Now: The reasons for this are largely practical. Delving deeply into peoples’ pasts generally requires a much more long-term and professional helping

relationship. Furthermore, it is difficult to resolve complex issues involving people who are not present (D’Andrea 1910). The chaplain’s job is primarily to assist people in dealing with and making sense of the feelings they are experiencing right now. This can be a time to be more directive in the conversation than you might otherwise be. For example, a person is distressed because they are failing a class in school and they start talking at length about their fears that now they won’t be able to go to college and then they won’t be able to get a job, and then they will have a miserable life, etc., etc. It may be good to steer the

conversation back towards the immediate situation of the class the person is failing, how they’re feeling about it, what’s causing the situation, and what they can do about it. Likewise, if someone is fighting with their mother, dwelling on fights the person had with her several years ago is not likely to be as effective as looking into what can be done in the immediate future to improve the relationship.

• Deal With Feelings First: As has already been mentioned (and will be mentioned many

chaplains deal with. Although chaplains may also assist people in problem solving,

evaluating their options and decisions and other such factors, it is almost always best to first address what the person is feeling. Once a person has been able to vent and perhaps clarify their feelings, it is then possible to move into other areas such as problem solving (D’Andrea 10).

Works Cited

D’Andrea, Vincent, and Peter Salovey. Peer Counseling. Palo Alto: Science and Behavior Books, Inc., 1983.

Egan, Gerard. The Skilled Helper. Pacific Grove: Wadsworth Group, 2002.