In addition to metaphors, a number of interventions can help the client make contact with the conceptualized self and self as context. These are generally done to better facilitate the ability to take the perspective of an observer and also to help clients recognize when they are entangled with self as content. For instance, clients usually come to therapy unaware that their stories about themselves are different from what they have actually experienced. Instead, they see their lives as their stories, and they see their self-evaluations as an issue of being. Initial work can focus on helping clients to be aware of the fact that they have a concept of themselves, to see what some of that content might be, and to understand how it functions in their lives.
One way to illustrate to clients how to identify the functions of their self as concept is through a short, humorous story that draws an analogy between our conceptualized self and a suit we wear. A man walks into a tailor’s shop to pick up his new suit. As he tries it on, he realizes the suit fits terribly. It sticks out near the elbow, one shoulder is too high, and the waist is lopsided. In surprise, the man turns to the tailor and says, “Hey, I’m not paying for this. The suit doesn’t fit.”
“Not to worry, sir,” says the tailor. “Just hunch your shoulder like this, twist your body like this, lean a bit to the left. You’ve got it.”
When the man follows these instructions, the suit falls perfectly into place. He walks out of the shop, and as he walks down the street, he passes two women. The first woman whispers to the other, “Look at that poor crippled man.”
And the second says, “Yes, but isn’t his suit fantastic?”
This metaphor is usually delivered to clients who are struggling with self-identities that are “ill-suited” to the valued directions they would choose for their lives. Through discussion, clients can understand that we do not simply live our lives, but we distort ourselves and our lives to fit our interpretation of reality. We twist ourselves to fit the suit. In thinking about the woman who likes the man’s suit, clients can also see how the social community provides support for us to live within our narrowly defined self-concepts, and that some people are disappointed or upset if we change to live outside their ideas of who we are. Following this metaphor, the therapist might have a discussion with the client and ask questions such as, “What suits have you been wearing that don’t fit you?” “Who made the suits you wear?” “Did you choose to wear them or is it just out of habit?” “What would it be like to take off the suit?” and “Who might you
have to disappoint, upset, or make wrong if you were to be a different person in your life?” Throughout this process, the therapist helps the client to see “You are not the suit.”
Another intervention is called Pick an Identity (Hayes et al., 1999, p. 196). In it, clients try on various self-concepts to see the arbitrary nature of the concepts and how they affect the totality of the clients’ memories, perceptions, thoughts, feelings, and predispositions. In this exercise, the therapist makes up slips of paper, with various statements on them describing particular identities, some of which reflect things the client has said about himself or herself, and some of which are novel. For example, the therapist might have slips of paper that say, “I am a ballerina” or “I am bad” or “I am funny” or “I am powerful.” The client is then asked to try to “be” these identity statements in the session. The therapist helps the client explore what it would be like to be this identity and helps the client notice the impact that identifying with these identities has on his or her thoughts, feelings, predispositions, and so on. This exercise can also help the client connect with the observing self. For example, when the therapist is fairly certain the client has tried on an identity, the therapist can ask questions such as, “Can you notice there is a person here who is noticing the various thoughts and feelings you are having?”
The transcendent sense of self about which we are speaking is impossible to look at because it is the sense of perspective involved in consciously looking. Looking for this sense of self is rather like trying to jump from behind one’s eyes in order to watch them watching. In order to see anything that might result, metaphorically the eyes must follow. But it is possible to catch oneself for brief instants. In the “find a free thought” exercise, clients are asked to close their eyes and try to find a thought that is totally free and not connected in any way with anything else in their history. Usually the setup for the exercise seemingly suggests this is possible, but the actual client experience is different. As the following transcript illustrates, the therapist then asks a surprising question.
Therapist: So, just go on watching the thoughts that come up and see if you can find one that is not
programmed, that is free and unconditioned and has nothing to do with anything else in your life. [pause] Just let me know what comes up.
Client: [pause] I’m having lots of thoughts, but all seem familiar.
Therapist: Well, keep trying. [pause] And let me know what pops up.
Client: Okay. Well, I thought of a beach scene. I’ve never been there, and I thought, “This is a new one.” But then I realized this beach scene was like a commercial I saw.
Therapist: Okay.
Client: Plus, when I started to consider whether it was new, I realized I felt just like I did in third grade when my teacher asked me a hard question. So even that isn’t new.
Therapist: Cool. Keep looking. Keep searching. And while you do that, I have a question to ask. Raise
your finger when you are clicked into “search mode.”
Client: [raises finger]
Therapist: As you notice your mental conditioning, notice this also: Who is watching? [silence] Client: I am.
Therapist: Don’t try to grab this sense and look at it because it will just slip away, but let me ask
you one more thing: when you caught that you were looking, did that part of you seem programmed and conditioned?
Client: No. It just is.
It is important not to reify this experience during debriefing. The point is not to grab transcendence by the throat and create yet another conceptualized self. The point is to experientially touch no-thingness (Hayes, 1984), and from that contact to act with faith in our inherent wholeness at that level.
There is an ACT saying that points to what needs to be done in relation to the self as concept: “Kill yourself every day” (Hayes et al., 1999, p. 200). Contacting a contextual self is about letting go of the con- ceptualized self and the struggle that comes along with it. The idea is to create flexibility. If we don’t have to cling to pride or victim or martyr or any other conceptualized self, then we are freer to make choices that are about values, not about what we think a particular conceptualized self deserves or needs or insists on having. Behavior can be flexible and aligned with values.