C A narrative summary of a cluster: An example taken from Kate’s interview

Emergent themes Narrative summary of a cluster: Children’s future taken out of

my hands. Others stopping me being mum • Family messed it up for her

• Partner spoilt plans

• Feels mad with partner for ruining chances of having child • Violent partner

• Partner drinking and violent • Partner messed it all up

• Men have made problems with children • Conflict between partner and family

• Partner and dad spoilt chances of having child live with her • Family’s actions messed up everything up for me

• People getting in the way of being a mum

• Angry with partner for increasing social services involvement • Men not right for her

• Her choice of men has caused problems • Own fault for picking bad lads

• Weighing up her responsibility for letting people get in the way of being mum

• Conflict in deciding where blame lies • Interrogated by social services

• Lack of trust of social services • Social services came on heavily

• Burdened by social services investigations • Social services were nosy

This cluster presents the ways that other people stopping Kate from being mum to her children. Kate’s experience is of being on the receiving end of unfair events and practices that led to her losing care of her children. She largely feels she was unable to influence this but questions her level of

responsibility in it all too. It seems that Kate was prevented from being mum in the way she wanted by her violent partner, her family, and social services.

The moment that led to Kate’s first child being removed was a very significant one for her and one she returns to repeatedly, reliving it and questioning out loud ‘if only’ things had been different. There is a sense that plans for the child were fragile and that it took one event to change everything, so that if things had happened even 20 minutes later everything would have been different. Something very positive and hopeful was ruined and messed up by a conflict between her violent partner and her dad. Their actions triggered a course of events that led to heavy social services involvement and the child being taken from her care.

Social services involvement is an important part of Kate’s experience and one she discusses several times. She felt burdened by them and that they were something she couldn’t get away from. They seem very separate from her, like a rigid system that she cannot interact with, influence, or even

• Lengthy adoption process

• Can’t get away from social services once they are involved • Being a sex worker held against her by social services • Past used against her

• Past held against her by social services • Attempts to get baby affected by drug use

• Social services involvement put a dampener on pregnancy • Social services affected pregnancy

• Pregnancy experiences affected by social services involvement • Seeing children dependent on mood of their carer

• Uncertainty about social care terminology • Seeking reassurance from midwife

• Uncertainty about terminology • Confusing pregnancy and labour • Didn’t feel like baby was hers

• Mum pushed herself into role as mother • Mum got too attached to child – confused care • Horrible feeling child being taken by grandmother • Mum had more influence over child than her • Grandmother wanting to be mum

• Mum had more influence than she did on baby

• Competitive element of childcare between her and mum • Daughters think her aunty is their mother

• Grandchild as replacement child

• Parents feeling they’d lost their daughter to drugs and prostitution • Sudden changed care arrangements

• Her and children moved around by social services • Children being moved around

understand, but that has taken control of her most significant relationships. Several times she struggles to make sense of terminology they use and seeks clarification from the midwife present. She believes that being a sex worker was held against her unfairly and influenced their decision for removing her children. There is a sense of passivity and not having any control in the situation, describing her children as being moved around, and not even knowing what the arrangements were or where they all were going to be.

Once childcare arrangements have been made with her family, there is still a sense of others preventing her from being mum, as she describes her mum taking over her role. There appears to be a competitive element to the dynamic of her mum and her caring for the children, whereby grandma ‘pushed herself’ into the role as mum. Again, there is a confusion of relational roles and a blurring of boundaries which Kate describes as her mum getting too attached to the child. This left Kate feeling like the baby wasn’t her own and she had no influence over its life. She makes sense of this as her mum trying to replace her as the daughter they had lost to drugs and prostitution. It is as if she is being punished for these things and that they not only prevent her from being a mum by social services, but even from being a daughter.

In relationships with her violent partner, her dad, social services, and her mum, it seems Kate feels that the role was taken from her in a way that was unjust and out of her control and she expresses anger towards particularly her ex-partner for this. However, this is not completely clear cut as she also questions her own role in choosing ‘bad lads’ and weighs up her responsibility for letting them get in the way of her having

• Realisation children would be removed • Fragility of care arrangements

• Wasn’t allowed child to live with her • Realisation child would be removed • Reliving the event that triggered removal • Unaware of childcare arrangements • Put on the protection

• ‘if only…’

her children. She seems undecided how much she could have made different choices though and her main frustration remains with the people and systems around her.

Appendix 2-D Illustration of how initial clusters led to final themes