Lori: Right. Well, if it doesn’t work for her, it’s not my – I don’t believe it’s my fault. She has to be
accountable for it. I mean I’ve used your tool as an analogy: the right program, the right support and the right accountability. I am offering the right program and I’m offering the right support. But I can't – she’s gotta have the accountability.
Carey: Correct. So the outcome that you want to have is that in this client situation, and maybe in all client situations, you want a client who is willing to be accountable.
Lori: Exactly. I kind of don’t want to work with her
anymore because it’s stressing me out. I don’t need this stress. If she doesn’t want to do it – that’s fine.
I’d rather just give her back her money and be like let’s be done with it and let’s just be friends.
Carey: Yes. So here’s what I would recommend. When you have a conversation with her, is to do your best to – you want to be in a place of compassion and
curiosity with her when you have this conversation.
I heard that it’s stressing you out, and you don’t want to bring that stress to the conversation with her. And I’m sure you wouldn’t, but I’m just saying that just in case, and also for everyone who is
listening.
Because what we want to do as the coach is be an observer, a curious, compassionate observer. Like, oh, it is interesting that this is how she’s creating this experience for herself. And it is absolutely part of how she creates experiences in every area of her life. And she may or may not be willing to change that. What you know is that for clients who work with you, they need to be accountable.
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And that when you share that with her, you want to come as mutual as possible of a place so that it’s not – it comes from a place of love and compassion, and not a place of potential like – confrontation is too strong of a word, but just no emotional trigger.
Lori: I don’t want her to feel like I’m judging her. I’m not judging her. [Inaudible] doesn’t work.
Carey: Yeah. And you can say to her, you can even say, like, I know we have a personal relationship. I don’t want this to feel awkward for you. I want the best for you. I want you to be comfortable and successful and all of that. And if this isn’t the right fit, and it’s seeming like it’s not, that’s okay. I’m committed to your happiness and our personal relationship, and this is secondary to me, and that way you are really getting into some rapport and trust with her, so that she really can say no.
And if for whatever reason in the conversation she is still not able to come out and say, “No, no, I can reschedule. I can reschedule,” then you would want to decide for yourself what’s the criteria that she needs to meet to continue working together. Say, like, okay, great. So we’ll set up the next session.
We’ll do the next session. And if it works for us and we feel like it’s the right thing moving forward, we’ll continue on. And if it doesn’t, we don’t have to.
Or you may decide as the conversation goes along, you may have a gut feeling of going, like, hmm, this person is just not ready, and that’s okay. And you could say to her if she’s like, “No, I’m ready.
Ready.” But your gut is telling you she is not, you could say to her, you know, I believe you, and I believe that you are ready for change.
And I think I would be doing you a disservice if I sort of test you in this, in this coaching engagement, when I think that change might be elsewhere for you. And I am 100 percent a stand for your success.
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That way it doesn’t have to seem like you’re firing her as a client, [laughter], you know.
Lori: But here’s the thing. All of our back and forth is either through text message or e-mail.
Carey: Sorry, I’m having a little hard to time hearing you.
[Crosstalk]
Lori: All of our correspondence, I mean unless we see each other in person, it’s all through text message or mail. So I’m gonna have to do this through an e-mail because even the text messaging, she doesn’t really respond quickly when she doesn’t – I think when she doesn’t want to meet up with me.
Carey: You can do it by e-mail. That’s totally fine. And that’s even really – it’s nice because it gets you an opportunity to write out what you think and you can even actually ask another Core colleague to read through it and just say, hey, does this sound like it’s coming from love and compassion, or does it sound in any way triggered because I want to make sure. I do that sometimes.
Lori: Can I ask you how you would start the e-mail, like, how do you get into it?
Carey: How do you start it?
Lori: Yeah.
Carey: So that’s a great question. So how do you start an e-mail like that, [laughter], besides saying, “This is about to be awkward.” [Laughter].
Lori: Right. [Laughter].
Carey: Yeah, that’s a great question. So you might put in the subject line, “Here it what I’ve noticed…” and then you may say, hey – what’s her name?
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Lori: Joanna.
Carey: “Hey Joanna. I’ve been thinking so much about your goals and the things that we’ve talked about. And here is what I’ve noticed. I know you are committed to x, y, z results in your life, and I think that’s – I’m so 100 percent behind that. And what I am noticing is that this scheduling sessions or making this
particular work is a challenge right now in your life.
And so I’m curious, do you think it might be best if you were to focus on your doctor’s appointments and some other,” whatever things she’s doing, and work, etcetera, “And perhaps this isn’t the right time for this kind of work. I want you to know that value our personal relationship and I think –.”
You know, you may say some appreciation about her; whatever quality you admire or appreciate about her, and that my first priority is a personal relationship. “I want you do know that it wouldn’t hurt my feelings or be awkward if we decided this wasn’t the right time for this work.”
Lori: That’s great.
Carey: And then you would say to her, you know, “Why don’t you send me an e-mail or text, whatever is easiest for you, and let me know what you think.”
[Laughter]. That’s it. You can make it really simple like that.
Lori: Right. Okay. And do I just give her back her money because she is my friend?
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Carey: You know, I think that, yeah, you know, whether it’s a partial refund because she did some work with you, or – you might even ask her. I mean you could even put it in her corner and say, you know, what do you think in this circumstance would be appropriate.
She may even say, like, “Just don’t even give me my money back. I feel so bad.”
Lori: But you don’t think that she’ll be offended and she’ll be like, “I just told you I was busy for work.”
Carey: Well, first of all – I’m sorry; you don’t think she’ll be offended at what?
Lori: See, I’m afraid that if I say this to her, she’ll be like,
“Jeez, I just told you I was jammed with work.” I know that she is busy at work.
Carey: Yeah. Yeah. Just tell her, “I know. I totally hear you. And it’s not like I am – I want you to
understand I’m not trying to pressure you. I want to help you get the change that you want. I just want to make sure that if this is it, great. We will continue to work together. And if for some reason it’s not, I just wanted to address that because I know we have a personal relationship, and I don’t want you to feel awkward with me.”
Lori: Okay. Great. Okay. I’m trying to write this down as you’re talking to me. [Laughter].
Carey: Yeah, and, you know, again, hopefully the transcripts will be up quickly. If it’s not, the recording, you’ll get this at about 30 minutes after the hour is when the recordings will start.
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Lori: Okay. Great. Thank you so much. It’s kind of disheartening getting a client and then losing it. But I’ve been stressing because, you know, I just want her to be happy. I don’t want her to feel stressed that she isn’t living up to what I expect. Because it’s not about me – this is her journey. And at the same time, it’s stressing me out so much that I don’t want to do this.
Carey: Yeah, and I can hear that and that’s not the
experience. The same thing you want for her, you want of you as well. So the best thing to do is just with a loving, gentle, just openly being able to talk about it, and not in any way judging her, and not in any way making her wrong. Just bringing it out in the open, so you don’t have to stress, and she doesn’t have to stress.
Lori: Great.
Carey: Awesome. Thank you so much Lori. Let me just quickly check the webcast here. So Lauren…hello in Vancouver; she is saying, “What is the best way to market when my niche carries a social stigma, and people don’t want to talk about it?” Lauren, that is a great question. So, again: “What is the best way to market when my niche carries a social stigma and people don’t want to talk about it?”
So Lauren, it would be really great if you could just give me a little more information about that on the webcast. I am curious if they don’t want to talk about it like in the general public, are there
organizations or places or associations, where groups of people who are in your niche are collecting,
coming together, and are you able to market to those associations or groups or organizations?
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That way you’re not necessarily talking – you know, if you’re talking to your neighbor Jill in the grocery store, and she says, “What do you do;” you could say, for example, “Oh, I work with anorexia and bulimia rehabilitation centers to help women who have been suffering from anorexia and bulimia to not suffer.” [Laughter]. Which is a terrible hot hook, [laughter], at least the end part. But you get my point.
So that you’re talking about an organization or an association or a – like some other thing versus like I help anorexics and bulimia; now your situation might be different than that. There might be more stigmas certainly attached to it. So go ahead and just jot in another – a little more contexts so we can help you even more.
Linda in Wisconsin, my neighbor to the north; she is asking: “Is it okay to share other people’s recipes at a workshop if you keep their name and logo on the recipe?” Can you have a – oh, there are three separate questions. So the first question, Linda, is:
“Is it okay to share other people’s recipes at a workshops if you keep their name and logo on it?”
Yes, I believe it is.
If you want to go one step further, and you can ask the person, then ask them. Say, “Hey, it is okay if I share at a workshop, and I’d love to credit you. I will make sure that your name and logo is on the bottom of the recipe.” Your second question, Linda, is: “Can you have a business Facebook using just your name if you already have a personal Facebook using your name?” That is an excellent question.
Quite honestly, I’m not sure. I think it might be – I’ve seen colleagues that have their name - like one of my colleagues is Elizabeth Purvis, where she has her private page, Elizabeth Purvis, and then her business page is Elizabeth Purvis fan page. It might have to say that.
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But I would actually post that question on the
Facebook page to get some feedback from our team on that.
And then your final question is: “Is there a certification after you attend the TCM event?”
Um…that’s a great question, Linda. So I’m assuming you mean if you attend the TCM event, at the end of it, do you get a certificate that you attended? And the answer is no. Actually, you don’t. We do have a TCM certification training, that, however, is about three and a half months in the length. We also have a mastery level certification and that’s about five months. So the training that we’re giving at the TCM event is not – it’s extremely helpful, but it’s not the certification itself. And hopefully that answers your question, and just type in if for some reason it doesn’t.
Julie is asking for suggestions for a venue for group programs, and she is not sure if this is a small group or a large group. Also, what do you think about mixing the group sessions with private sessions, possibly doing a private session first to get the goals and motivating factors. And possibly doing another one later in the program for a session on sabotage, and that can be added to increase the value.
Julie, I love the way you’re thinking. It’s a great idea. I have actually done that myself, where in a group program, you add value by including a couple of private sessions. It’s a very good idea to do them at the beginning as a kickoff because when someone first invests in a program, there are so excited and they want to get going. And they want to talk to you. So it’s a wonderful idea.
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And then having another one later in the program for a session on sabotage is also a great idea because you know that people will hit a wall at some point.
Depending on the length of the program, you may also want to add a third private session at the end or towards the end because in that session, you can make the offer to come work with you privately if that’s your next step.
So from a strategic point of view, not only are you adding value to the group, and by the way, you don’t have to do this for those of you who are doing group programs. It is something you can do, but you don’t have to do it. But strategically if from your group program, you’re going to be making people another offer, which of course because you’re in Core, you know that you are, you would add another private session at the end.
And that actually would be a closing the deal
conversation, or for those of you who have been in the TCM deep dive, you could use the outcome frame. And you would be basically asking people what’s next? What would you like next? And then inviting them forward to work with you privately or in another group if you’re gonna be offering another group, whatever your next step is going to be.
As far as suggestions for venues for your group program, it depends on your town. Like I’m here in Chicago – and that also depends on your ideal clients and what’s sort of easiest or nicest for them to get to. If your group program is like some sort of luxury high end thing, then you would do a luxury high-end location maybe at a hotel or something like that.
Now if you’re in level one of Spotlight, and going into level two, that’s probably not going to be
cost-effective. So you could do something simple like maybe there is a – like I have a girlfriend here who has the Pilates studio, and I may ask her to rent that space.
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I think it’s like fifteen bucks an hour or something.
Or you could go to an – I’m also very close to DePaul University, where I went to college. I could get a free space actually because I’m an alumni on their campus.
You could also do any kind of wellness center that’s around you, any kind of dance studio, yoga studio, whatever the case may be. The only change with Pilate’s studios and the other studios is whether or not they have chairs. If you are cool with your people sitting on the floor if the studio doesn’t have a chair, then it’s not an issue. But if you’d like to have chairs, then the studio might ask that you bring chairs in, which depending on the size of the group, it may or may not be a problem for you.
Okay, so Julie, Linda, Lauren, thank you so much.
Oh, okay, so Lauren just wrote back in and she said,
“My niche is the HPV virus, a sexually transmitted disease. Medical doctors are the only place I found that these women congregate. Docs don’t seem to be receptive to the emotional suffering that many women go through when diagnosed, so I don’t know how to get in with the docs.”
Yeah. That’s a great question. You know, when I think about that niche, Lauren, I think that you’re [inaudible] to a certain extent. First of all, I’d be curious to see – two things I’m thinking. First is your niche is actually really perfect for Internet marketing because HPV is something somebody is going to be searching at 11:00 at night, and by e-book or an information product or something-something because they can do it anonymously at home alone.
So you’re gonna be really excited when we get to module three of Core, [laughter], because that’s something you can build an Internet business around for sure.
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As far as the doctors, I would be curious to know – to actually do some research that instead of going to the doctor saying, “I help women with HPV,” you may want to go around to doctors that work – maybe a gynecologist, or whatever, that work with women that have HPV, and say that you’re doing an interview series, and you could do this anyway actually.
You could turn this into an information product, where you interview the doctor to say, “What do
You could turn this into an information product, where you interview the doctor to say, “What do