Chapter 13: Some Basic Hypnosis Skills for Changing Someone’s Behavior
“Hypnosis seems helpful in treating addictions, and the depression and anxiety associated with them.” – Psychology Today
“I should have done it years ago. It’s amazing I didn’t even want cigarettes anymore.” – Matt Damon on his experience with hypnosis
“Studies show that people who combine diet and exercise with hypnosis lose more weight than they do with diet and exercise alone.” – Allure
“He who looks outside, dreams; he who looks within, awakens.” – Carl Jung
I filled the start to this chapter with excellent quotes as a strong reminder – hypnosis is very effective at helping people to change their habits and behaviors. It really does work.
Like NLP, hypnosis is a way to communicate much more efficiently with your
unconscious mind. You take yourself or someone else into a light trance, which just means we are drifting off and relaxed, just like the moment before you go to sleep of when you are watching a movie or listening to a story.
Then, when they are in a trance you give them a direct suggestion, which is taken very seriously by the unconscious mind because they are in trance. Then you help them drift back out of their trance.
The whole process is very pleasant for everyone, and it’s very empowering and positive.
Hypnosis also has developed something of a negative reputation over the years because of ridiculous stage hypnotists. All of these negative ideas are misconceptions and simple wrong.
Here are a few myths about hypnosis.
A hypnotist can get bank details from me, or get me to do something embarrassing or harmful. This is 100% wrong. You can never get anyone to do something embarrassing or even slightly against their values when they are in a trance, no matter how deep. Only positive things
that are good for them. In fact, if you are hypnotizing someone and you want them to wake up instantly, just suggest they do something embarrassing. See how fast they wake up.
Stage hypnotists, like so called mystics and other deceptive charlatans, use simple probability to create entertainment. In any room full of 500 people, there are always going to be a few people who like to make a fool of themselves in public for the attention. They volunteer, the stage hypnotist pretends they are normal people, they do silly things, and everyone thinks it’s very funny.
But the average person like you and I would never do something silly, and we’d never give up our bank details or anything like that.
The second myth is that trance is unusual. Trance is a very normal state. You have
already been in a trance a few times today. We go into a trance every time we watch a movie, we go into a trance when a friend tells us a story. When we just take a moment to relax and our mind drifts off, we are in a trance. It’s normal and very relaxing. It just means our conscious mind is relaxed and maybe paying attention to one thing, so we’re a little less aware of what’s going on around us. Like when you’re reading a good book and someone has to call your name 3 times to get your attention. You were simply in a trance.
How you can use hypnosis to influence someone
The only way, as an untrained hypnotist, that you can use hypnosis to influence someone is to help them improve a behavior they are trying to change. Perhaps it’s quit smoking, or lose weight, or study harder, or just thinking more positively about things.
This following process is one that anyone can follow. It will take you a little preparation.
But it’s worth it, it’s a very pleasant and relaxing experience for both of you.
Preparation step one, prepare 3 stories
Stories are naturally quite hypnotic. You can use them as a powerful tool to help hypnotize your friend. Think or ask them about 3 things they are interested in. Make up 3 very short stories about someone, relating to these 3 things.
So if they are interested in football, cooking and traveling. Make up a short story, just a few sentences long, about someone relating to each of these three things.
For example, ‘there was a man once who always liked to travel. And he dreamed of going to Nepal. One day he decided to go and travelled all the way there. When he got there it was breathtakingly beautiful and he discovered the most amazing thing…”
Your story does not have to be very clever. Just prepare enough to keep it going for 2 or 3 minutes.
Preparation step two, find out their safest, more peaceful place
Ask your friend where in their lives has been the most wonderful, peaceful, safe relaxing place. Perhaps it’s the garden they played in as a child. Perhaps it’s a lovely beach they visited once on holiday.
Ask them details about it. Take down some notes. Soon you’ll be helping them to imagine they are relaxing there, so learn enough about it to talk a little about it and describe it.
Preparation step three, prepare your suggestion
This is the single, short, strong sentence you are going to say to them when they are very relaxed, in trance. It will go straight into their unconscious mind. Make it more of an instruction.
Something like:
‘When you see a biscuit you will feel strong revulsion towards it.’ (If they are trying to eat less biscuits)
Or:
‘Every morning you will awake with a wonderful strong sense of happiness and wellbeing.’
It must be very direct and strong. And this is important – do not let your friend know what it is! To be really effective this sentence should only be told to them when they are in deep trance, and then never told to them again. So it is 100% unconscious.
Now you are ready to begin the hypnosis session. Prepare to enjoy yourself.
Step one, get them very comfortable
It’s best to lie them down on the floor. Sitting can be fine too. Ask them to relax, breathe deeply, close their eyes. At the same time, get comfortable yourself. The more relaxed and comfy you are, the more relaxed you will make them feel.
Step two, begin using your voice to relax them more deeply
Tell them to relax. Say things like, ‘breathe deeper’ ‘and as you breathe more deeply, notice how all your muscles relax’ ‘that’s right’
Slow your own voice right down. Lower your tonality. Speak softly. Relax yourself.
Leave long pauses in between your words. There is no rush. Continue this for 2 or 3 minutes, until they are clearly very relaxed.
Step three, take them to their peaceful, safe place
You now want to have them imagining they are in the safe, peaceful, lovely place they told you about. The beach, or garden. Lead them to it with your words. For about 3 or 4o minutes guide them to relax and experience this place, all the time suggesting that they are going ‘deeper’
and ‘deeper’. Say things like:
‘Now, notice how you are in the garden where you used to play as a child’
‘And the breeze is blowing the grass…’
‘And notice how you feel the sun on your skin… … and you feel… peaceful…’
‘And as the grass tickles your skin, you know it’s time… to go… deeper…
‘… and deeper…’
‘…that’s right…’
‘… Just enjoying the feeling of deep peace and joy…. and relaxing, where it’s safe…’
‘… going deeper…’
And so on. Keep going, gently, guiding them. It’s not so important what you say, just guide them. Use lots of words around relaxing, safety, peace, joy, happiness, tranquility. And use these phrases a lot:
‘…deeper…’ and ‘…that’s right…’
Continue this for 3 or 4 minutes. Can you feel how relaxing this process is from just reading it? It really is very pleasurable for both you and your friend.
At this point your friend will be nicely in a gentle trance. Just relaxed, almost sleeping.
Feeling good, happy and comfortable. You will notice their breathing has deepened. That’s the biggest sign to you that they are going into trance.
A very useful helper for this is to slow down your breathing yourself. Remember
modeling in NLP? We tend to follow each other’s pace of breathing. This will help your friend to relax.
Step four, begin to tell your stories
Stories have very powerful hypnotic power. They really do take us into a trance. Using the power of story you can take your friend really quite deeply into trance even if you are not a trained hypnotist.
The idea here is that you will begin your first story – story 1 – nice and slowly. But don’t
finish the story. As you get about 80% through it (which should just take 60 seconds or 2 minutes) you stop that story and you begin story 2…
Then you are telling this second story, in an even slower voice. Slow down, relax your voice more… and as you get 80% into that story, stop that one as well.
Then begin your third story – story 3. This time with a really… really slow voice. So slow. So relaxing. Again, this is just 1 or 2 minutes. And as you get 80% into story 3, just stop…
Step five, give your suggestion
At this point your friend is in their deepest level of trance. They will be very happy, very comfy, breathing very deeply, and very unconscious.
Here, you want to say your suggestion. Let’s call it a command. Because it has to be said with strength. In a quiet, but clear voice say it:
‘Every morning you will awake with a wonderful strong sense of happiness and wellbeing.’
Step six, finish your stories, close them up
As soon as you have said the suggestion, wait a few breathes. Then finish story 3. In your very slow… voice, with lots of pauses.
Then close up story 2, in a slightly faster, but still very, very relaxing voice. Then finish story 1…
Step seven, take them back into their safe, peaceful place
We want to spend another minute or two in their lovely, peaceful place. Just repeat step three. But this time we are gradually waking them up, in a nice, relaxing, loving way.
Gradually wake up yourself a little bit. Put more energy in your voice. Speed up your talking a tiny bit.
Step eight, wake them up
Now, we are going to wake them up in the nicest possible way. Be aware, your friend might be in a really, peaceful deep trance right now. So you have to be patient.
A good way to wake them up is to count them awake. As you are talking to them in their peaceful garden or beach, start to say;
‘And now, as I count from 1 to 10, you are going to wake up. As I reach 5 and 6 you will become aware of the room around you. At 8 you’ll open your eyes. At 9 and 10 you will become fully awake, feeling wonderful.
One…
Two… waking up, waking up.
Three…
Four…
Five… coming awake, feeling your body
Six… becoming aware of your body and the room around you Seven…
Eight… waking up, open your eyes, open your eyes Nine… wide awake, wide awake
Ten…. wide awake and feeling wonderful’
Step nine, give them some space to relax, Do Not talk about it!
They will be awake now and feeling great.
It’s very important that you don’t talk about the stories, or the suggestion at all. All that must remain unconscious to be the most effective. If you tell them then they will start to undo the changes. They will start trying to work it out.
The best thing you can do at this point is just leave them to relax for a moment. And when you come back to them talk about other things.
Your good work is done. Give it a try, you will love the experience and probably be amazed at the results if you’ve never tried hypnosis before!
Now that we’ve gone through such powerful tools for behavior change, influence and persuasion. There is one more very important point that must be covered. In the next chapter.
Chapter 14: Just Say What You Want, You’ll Usually Get It
“A lot of people are afraid to say what they want. That’s why they don’t get what they want.” – Madonna
This book cannot be published without covering an essential point of persuasion that most people don’t even consider. We’ve talked about every clever, powerful, effective, wonderful principle and technique for persuasion under the sun.
But here is something I have noticed. There is often a fear in people in today’s society, or perhaps even a guilt, around simply saying what you want.
Straight out. Nice and simple. No cleverness or planning. Just saying what you want.
If this is you. If you have trouble believing that saying what you want can work. Or perhaps you don’t believe deep down that you can get what you want, or that you deserve it.
Then you might want to forget all you have learned in this book – for the moment.
First and foremost become a person who can say what they want.
Go out there, approach people and tell them straight up, what you want from them. Tell the girl or guy you like them and want to go out with them. Tell your prospect what you have to offer and that you want them to buy it. Tell your spouse what you feel about something. Tell your child exactly what you want them to do.
If you have never been this direct and honest with people before, I think you will be surprised at the results. The truth is people want to know how you feel, they want to know what you want, they don’t mind you telling them – in fact they are grateful for it. And very often, they are very happy to do what you want.
It’s sometimes as simple as that.
Give it a try. This one ‘technique’ might change your whole life.
Conclusion
“The question isn’t who is going to let me. It’s who is going to stop me.” – Ayn Rand
The science of influence is one that can be learned and used effectively by anyone. And I am sure you can see it is one of the most useful life skills anyone can learn. If you live in a society, you need skills to influence people.
Always remember that people make decisions based not on logic. But on emotion and feelings and unconscious drivers they may not understand. Then later they explain those decisions to themselves and others using logic.
Always create the most fertile garden for influencing someone before you begin. Do this by making them like you and feel trusting and comfortable with you. Build rapport with them.
Come across with absolute conviction and have their best interests in heart.
Then when you have created this connection, use the conversational skills and verbal aikido for the early chapters in this book to lead them strongly down your chosen path.
Armed with this knowledge and the skills, principles and techniques in this book you will soon be a master influencer. And a powerful force for good in the lives of those around you.
Thank you and good luck!