Chapter 13

Chapter 12 has initiated the second step: to reject all thought and feeling of one’s own being to be conscious only of the being of God in a total self- forgetfulness, a seemingly total loss of self for a consciousness only of the being of God.311

However, man falls back now and then in self-directed experiences. Then, if the novice realises that she experiences her self and not God in this work, she should feel pity and she should forget and disregard herself as Jesus and as God demands. Since this is of such fundamental importance: to transform from self-perception to God’s perception. The author becomes severe and direct in his tone using imperatives to make the novice do as what is being told. From the counsel’s view there is too much at stake and it is an important discernment between natural human perspective and spiritual divine perspective:

And so, when in this work you become aware that you are perceiving and experiencing self and not God, be filled with sincere sorrow and long with all your heart to be entirely absorbed in the experience of God alone. (P.C.

p. 172)

In the previous chapters the author tells the novice to be, since it is of fundamental importance to experience God’s love as fully as possible in this life. It is a transformation of her being to God’s being:

Yet do not misunderstand my words. I did not say that you must desire to un-be, for that is madness and blasphemy against God. I said that you must desire to lose the knowledge and experience of self. This is essential if you are to experience God’s love as fully as possible in this life. You must realise and experience for yourself that unless you lose self you will never reach your goal. For wherever you are, in whatever you do, or howsoever you try, that elemental sense of your blind being will remain between you and your God. (P.C. p. 173)

First the novice was told to clear away all details about the self and now she has to clear away everything between the self-being and God’s being. However, the elemental sense of one’s blind being will remain between God and the self. At certain times God may intervene and fill one with a transient experience of God self, however at other times the naked awareness of her own being will be a barrier between her and her God. These moments make her realise the burden of the self. The author expresses the hope for the novice that in that time Jesus may help her since the novice will need Him strongly:

It is possible, of course, that God may intervene at times and fill you with a transient experience of himself. Yet outside these moments this naked awareness of your blind being will continually weigh you down and be as a barrier between you and your God… It is then that you will realise how heavy and painful the burden of self is. May Jesus help you in that hour, for you will have great need of him. (P.C. p. 173)

The author speaks about the painful cross of self, referring to the words:

“Let a man first take up his cross” and afterwards “follow me into glory to the mount of perfection”.312 According to the author it is necessary to bear the cross of self since this is the only way to prepare oneself for the transcendent experience of God as he is and for union with him in consummate love:

And now as this Grace Touches and calls you may you see and appreciate more and more the surpassing worth of the contemplative work. (P.C. p.

173)

Seeing and appreciating the surpassing value of contemplation is a process; that one may more and more see and appreciate contemplation. It is more than getting used to it; one comes more and more to see the real value of contemplation which may be too much for man to fully grasp, see and appreciate it.

In this chapter the author assumes that the novice has managed to be unclothed of her self-awareness of her own being so that she may be clothed in the experience of God as He is in himself. This is a true transformation from self-experience to God’s experience, losing the knowledge and experience of self to experience God’s love as completely as possible in this life.

3.15 Chapter 14

Now, time has come that the novice-reader should realise the convincing truth of the counsel. Therefore the author asks the rhetorical question:

Tell me now; do you still expect your faculties to help you reach contemplation?

It is so obvious that it is impossible to reach contemplation by ingenious speculations that this question sounds superfluous. If one would answer in the affirmative then he has not understood the counsel. And still, the author continuous, realizing that the novice will still be liable to fall back into error. This counsel is full of patience and as it remains in its everlasting spiral structure it will endlessly go on with its counselling, stepping forward, backward, resting in itself, and exceeding all.

The author concluded the previous chapter with the statement that the contemplative work surpasses everything else. If Grace touches and calls someone there may be a growing appreciation of the ever exceeding value of contemplation. Now the author challenges the novice to consider whether any faculty will help to reach contemplation:

Imaginative and speculative meditations, by themselves, will never bring you to contemplative love. Be they ever so unusual, subtle, lovely, or deep; be they of your sinful past, the Passion of Christ, the joys of our Lady, or the saints and angels in heaven: or of the qualities, subtleties, and states of your being, or God’s, they are useless in contemplative prayer. For myself, I choose to have nothing except that naked, blind sense of myself which I spoke of earlier. (P.C. p. 174)

The author again stresses the fact that nothing brings one to contemplation except the naked blind awareness of the self. If the novice still expects the faculties to be of support she will discover that they will not. The author makes a side step to clarify the difference between the self and the activities. He states that people confuse their deeds with themselves. The actor is one thing and the deeds are another. Being is one thing and doing is another. This is the same concerning God: God is as He is in himself which is different from his works. It is important to realise that God’s works are not God himself:

Notice that I said of myself and not of my activities. Many people confuse their activities with themselves, believing them to be the same. But this is not so. The doer is one thing and his deeds are another. Likewise, God as he is in himself is quite distinct from his works which are something else again. (P.C. p 174)

The author is very careful in his formulation concerning the sequence of his counsel; after he has taken his sidestep he explicitly says that he goes back to his point. He also wants to make clear that he desires to experience God as He really is, not only His works:

But returning to my point, the simple awareness of my being is all I desire, even though it must bring with it the painful burden of self and make my heart break with weeping because I experience only self and not God. I prefer it with its pain to all the subtle or unusual thoughts and ideas man may speak of or find in books for this suffering will set me on fire with the loving desire to experience God as he really is. (P.C. p. 174)

The author shows a contradictory longing for desiring the simple awareness of his being which will be a painful burden at the same time especially when he will experience only his own self then and not God. But, still he will prefer this to all the ideas found in books. He interacts with his novice, noticing the novice’s sophisticated and clever mind, which gives the impression that this novice is (expected to be) a student, or a scholar as well, however less advanced than the author who is the spiritual leader and counsellor. Again, the author articulates his own experience to make clear that his sufferings set him on fire with the loving desire to experience God as He really is, not only His works.

However, the author acknowledges the importance of meditations and prayers since it will bring just converted sinners to come to the spiritual awareness of the self and God. A beginning sinner should first exercise his reason in appreciating his human potential and the works of God. One should consider whether he is able to do this work and one should have learned to regret sin and enjoy goodness:

All the same, these sweet meditations do have their place and value. A newly converted sinner just beginning to pray will find in them the surest way to the spiritual awareness of himself and God. Moreover, outside God’s special intervention, I believe it is humanly impossible for a sinner to come to peaceful repose in the spiritual experience of himself and of God until he has first exercised his imagination and reason in appreciating his own human potential, as well as the manifold works of God, and until he has learned to grieve over sin and find his joy in goodness. (P.C. p. 174)

In the following part the author makes clear that everyone can go astray and many make the mistake of believing they have already entered the spiritual door of contemplation while they are still outside. Here again, it is Christ who graciously lets people in as God.313 The Lord Jesus Christ in his humanity, is the porter:

Believe me; whoever will not journey by this path will go astray. He must remain outside contemplation, occupied in discursive mediation, even though he would prefer to enter into the contemplative repose beyond them. Many mistakenly believe that they have passed within the spiritual door when, in reality, they are still outside it. What is more, they shall remain outside until they learn to seek the door in humble love. Some find the door and enter within sooner than others, not because they possess a special admittance or unusual merit, but simply because the porter chooses to let them in. (P.C. p. 174)

‘In your deepest, interior being called by the unexpected personal ‘touch’ of the divine spirit of God, you may lovingly lift up you blind naked being to the glorious Being of God. Try to touch God only with your loving desire and let him touch you by Himself, through his being. This happens surprisingly unexpectedly and powerfully, without any exercise and effort from your side. Indeed, the mystical experience arises in your being from God’s divine being. So, you will worship God with his own being and you will be lovingly united with Him in love. Contemplation is not an act out of one’s own will, but one will be touched by the loving contemplation and be thrown into ecstasy beyond the workings of the rational faculties. God is the first initiator and he takes the initiative. We will be touched, stirred and moved.314

In short: the rhetoric question at the beginning of this chapter is so appealing that no one dares to reply ‘yes’: Tell me now, do you still expect

your faculties to help you reach contemplation? The author makes this

question sound superfluous so that the novice realises that it is even unreasonable to expect that contemplation can be reached by genius talents. And still, the author continuous, realizing that the novice will still be liable to fall back into rationalities or inquisitions.

As already stated: it is love that moves this counsel and therefore it patiently remains in its everlasting spiral structure. It will endlessly go on with its counselling stepping forward, backward, laying to rest itself in God, finally exceeding all.

3.16 Chapter 15

Referring to the previous part of the counsel in which the author calls the Lord the porter, the Lord admits entrance to those, whom he has chosen to enter. The author now bursts out of joy praising the “household of the spirit” as “a delightful place of which the Lord himself is not only the porter, but also the door”. In the previous chapter he has made it clear how inexplicable his encounter with the Holy Spirit is and therefore he speaks in a metaphorical way to describe how Christ, the Lord, functions:

And oh, what a delightful place is this household of the spirit! Here the Lord himself is not only the porter but the door.315 As God, he is the porter; as man, he is the door. (P.C. p. 175)

Here the author shows how the unity of Christ humanity with a sensory love transforms into a divine love for his divinity. “We cannot come to Christ unless he admits us to come to him, in his humanity.” (P.C. p. 175)

And thus in the Gospel he says: I am the door of the sheepfold he that enters by me shall be saved. He shall go in and go out

and find pastures.316

He that enters not through the door but climbs up another way

the same is a thief and a robber.317

According to John’s gospel Jesus says that He is the door and those who enter by Him will be saved. Here the author invokes the bible in which Christ says that He is both the porter and the door; the porter through His divinity and the door through his humanity. In connection to this he refers to John 10:1 that everyone entering in any other way is a thief or robber. There is no other way to Christian perfection and contemplation than through conformation to Christ in his humanity, passion and virtues. Jesus Christ positioned himself as the porter who determined who might enter and how. However, He chose to create a common clear way to everyone who wanted to come in. God has clothed Himself in human nature and offers His complete availability so that no one can say that (s)he did not know the way. Jesus told the people that He is the door and

315 _{John 10:9}

316 _Ibid.

everyone who comes through Him shall be safe. Everybody can come in through Him.

The author tells his novice, but also others who may hear and read his counsel, how to prepare her to be granted entrance through the door:

Those who wish to enter by the door should begin by meditating on the Passion of Christ318 and learn to be sorry for their personal sins, which caused that Passion. Whether he goes in, contemplating the love and goodness of the Godhead, or goes out, meditating on the sufferings of his humanity, he shall find the spiritual pastures of devotion in abundance. Yes, and should he advance no further in this life, he will have plenty of devotion, and more than plenty, to nourish the health of his spirit and bring him to salvation. (P.C. p. 175)

The author shows the way to come to the door: first meditate on the Passion of Christ and learn to be sorry for personal sins which contributed to that Passion. Jesus Christ took all man’s sins up to His cross and therefore: be compassionate for Jesus. He suffered for the sins of mankind, while mankind did not suffer for its own sins. The author instructs to lift up the heart to receive love and goodness of God who descended in human mankind. Anyone who does as such will be safe. It does not really matter whether one goes in, contemplating the love and goodness of God, or if one goes out meditating on the sufferings of humanity. Even if one does not make advances in this life, she will have enough to nourish her spirit and be saved. It is clear that everyone should realise his vulnerability and sinful humanity. Only through humanity one will be redeemed.

The author shows a suitable structure in his counsel which should be strictly followed in order to come to salvation. He is strict in his teaching, since if one tries alternative ways of entering through the door he is considered a thief, a criminal:

Yet some will refuse to enter through this door, thinking to reach perfection by other ways. They will try to get past the door with all sorts of clever speculations, indulging their unbridled and undisciplined faculties in strange, exotic fantasies, scorning the common, open entry I spoke of before and the reliable guidance of a spiritual father as well. Such a person (and I care not who he is) is not only a night thief but a day prowler. (P.C.

p. 175)

The author uses the metaphors ‘a night thief’ and a ‘day prowler’ to show two different ways of life in which people go astray. A night thief is someone who is a sinner, in darkness, someone who relies on her own personal insights and rejects sound advice and the path described by the

monk. A day prowler is someone who shows a virtuous life and acts as if he leads a genuine spiritual life on the surface, superficially, acting as if he is a real contemplative, but deeply inside not bearing any fruit of that contemplative life.

The author keeps emphasizing the fundamental importance of following the clear path of Christian life as described above. He illustrates this by an example of a young man who feels inclined towards union with God, while he has merely yielded to his own desires instead of taking part in a spiritual counsel. This is a dangerous way, according to the author, since he seems to follow his own path instead of the one which lies embedded in Christian tradition. The author describes a person who is ambitious and reaching high beyond himself, outside the ordinary, clear path of Christian life:

Occasionally, too, this young man may feel a slight inclination toward union with God, and blinded by this take it as approval of what he does. In reality, by yielding to his unruly desires and refusing counsel, he is on the most perilous course possible. Even greater his peril, when he is full of ambition for things high above himself and well outside the ordinary, clear